Coming at you from University of Texas, and I hope all the advertising majors enjoyed what was essentially a three-plus hour commercial. Some would say that each week is a commercial for the WWE but this week, HHH and crew took it to a new level.
The most amazing part? HHH got over on the crowd with his $9.99 gimmick. It was a thing of beauty. Unfortunately for the home audience, the announce crew of JBL, Cole and The King took the bit too far and made me want to cancel my WWE Network. To see HHH get booed the first time he started to shill the Network for 9.99 and within just a few repetitions, he had the crowd chanting 9.99 with him was an amazing piece of mic work. It also proves live crowds are sheep, myself included, but we’ll table that for our discussion on audience manipulation.
This week was the same as last. SummerSlam is only two weeks away and most of the card has been set. Now the WWE is just in pure selling mode. HHH and creative staff tried to make the hard sell fun. There were a lot of quality matches. None of them mattered since all the story lines will move forward or be resolved at SummerSlam. Any exposition was just repeats of what we already expect. For example, Ziggler vs Miz or Y2J vs Bray Wyatt or even Roman Reigns vs RKO. This whole paragraph is an allegory for this week’s RAW. It was the same info over and over, said in different ways but still just filler until we get to the actual matches at SummerSlam. Matches that while entertaining, hold no bearing on the final conclusions which will take place at SummerSlam for just 9.99.
Make sure to check out the BEARcast - WrestleCast (www.worldofbear.com or on iTunes) this week. We’ve been on fire with our predictions, rumors and theories. By “we” you know I mean Fred “The Oracle”. I’m just there to get Fred worked up about Bret Hart and to make obscene jokes.
So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 8/04/2014…
- WWE Production for the Cena / Lesnar clip package (HM) – Normally I wouldn’t even put such a thing like a Promo Video Package on the Power Rankings, let alone put it at the top of the list. But the Cena / Lesnar promo was superb. It’s clear that Brock is at his best when he’s doing a shoot on tape (which is odd because the most memorable Brock / UFC moment was live after a match). Last week I gave the WWE Production crew and honorable mention for their fine work. This week, they stole the show. Neither Cena nor Brock were on RAW live, neither Cena nor Brock were needed. In fact, if we don’t see them until SummerSlam, I’m fine. Keep cranking out these promos or let Heyman deliver one more masterpiece, which I find it hard for him to top his shoot from two weeks ago.
- HHH and Stephanie McMahon (1) – w/ Kane, Rollins and RKO all dressed in black (except for Kane) The Authority finally looked like the bad ass evil faction that Fred has been predicting they could be. Stephanie looked great (these boots are made for walking!). I already went into how amazing and fun HHH was. If you went by McMahon family lore, they’d have you believe the McMahons were one of the first families to step off the Mayflower, host the first Thanksgiving dinner with the Indians and the first to give Pocahontas’ tribe small pox. Yet again, Stephanie and HHH sold their lines perfectly. I was dreading the end of the show because nothing makes me want to fast forward quicker than a contract signing. Luckily, after we slogged through B-Bella part, Stephanie and HHH once again took over. HHH pinning B-Bella in the corner was brilliant and Stephanie giving a pedigree to any female to cross her path was fantastic. I’m still not sold on the match at SummerSlam but I’ll keep my hopes high and give Stephanie the benefit of the doubt. She’s earned it after weeks of killing it on the mic and being a pedigree giving machine on Monday.
- B-Bella w/ N-Bella (2) – I’ve never once rooted for Cena to run out and make a save until Monday’s RAW. Fuck you, HHH / Stephanie / B-Bella / N-Bella for making me scream at the TV, “C’mon on Cena, save the day!”
- Ambrose vs Alberto Del Rio (HM&N/A) – This week’s RAW felt like a night of comebacks for a few wrestlers that we haven’t seen a few weeks. ADR is one that just last week on the BEARcast - WrestleCast (www.worldofbear.com or subscribe on iTunes) we were wondering where has ADR gone and should he just quit if the WWE is going to bury him? Well, we might not have an answer to what the future has in store for ADR but we can confirm that he’s still an awesome in-ring talent. His match with Ambrose was excellent. They had to fill three segments and tell so much story within the match. Once the clock got to 7-8 minutes, you knew Ambrose would win and then he would cause Rollins to loose out rite and void the count. I’d be remise not to mention the reverse top-rope-suplex. It was amazing and I thought Ambrose was going to kill himself. ECW! ECW! ECW!… Sorry, it’s an involuntary reflex to awesomeness.
- Rollins vs RVD (10&N/A) – Everything that happened with the Rollins storyline this week was so predictable, you could have set your watch to it. Fortunately, everyone played their parts well and from Ambrose to Rollins to Slater to even ADR, it was fine. Part of me thinks, well they have to fill two more weeks until SummerSlam and this could have been worse. The other part of me says, hey, I didn’t put the WWE in this holding pattern and the audience deserves better than just generic wrestling tropes. While we were lucky that all the wrestlers did their jobs well, We should demand better. If the WWE wants to hold the record for the longest running show and tout how they are this entertainment juggernaut, then do better than rolling out the same tricks year after year. We just saw the “popcorn, soda and JBL’s hat” trick done with Alicia Fox a few weeks ago.
- Chris Jericho vs Luke Harper (12&11) – Bray’s interference resulted in Y2J win, which means no Rowan / Harper at SummerSlam. GOOD! Bray vs Y2J should be awesome and we don’t need any outside interference. Which probably means we’ll still get some outside interference.
- Ziggler (8) – Hollywood Miz ringside is always a fun time. Ziggler got the quick win. Great quick match that incorporated the Miz vs Ziggler feud. Yet another SummerSlam match that I’m ready for.
- Cesaro (5) – Cesaro pulled off two of the most amazing moves. He jobbed to Ziggler but that was acceptable because it was in the name of pushing their storyline. I still say, what the fuck is Cesaro doing at SummerSlam? He’s one of the best performers the WWE has. He’s been killing it on the mic, even without Heyman. What is the WWE doing with him? It’s an embarrassment that he’s not fighting Sheamus or in a feud with someone.
- Randy Orton (6) – There wasn’t much for RKO to do. He did his damage last week and again the best game plan was to let the WWE Production do all the talking for him. I know many people called and texted me to ask if I had finally gotten a role on RAW, but I had to assure them that the god like specimen of humanity was not me but Randy Orton. Don’t worry, people confuse us all the time.
- Roman Reigns vs Kane (7) – Last man standing match. The move of the night was Reigns almost being taken down by a child of unknown sexual orientation as he came down to the ring. Is there any match more anticlimactic than a Last Man Standing match? The idea sounds fun but to win everything stops for 10 seconds. Not only that, but you have wait through numerous attempts at a 10 count. In the end, it’s just two guys performing finishers standing around. It seems that it’s time for Kane to do some See No Evil 2 promotion. The Kane mask looks like the smell of a wet dog.
- Paige (9) – The fact that they’re using an AJ Lee match to promote Main Event tells you all you need to know. Paige vs AJ is going to be great. Props to Paige for getting better on the mic.
- Dust Brothers (16) – They’re so great that their return gets a graphic. We still don’t know what the Cosmic Key is but if the Usos aren’t fighting The Wyatts at SummerSlam, you figure Goldust and Stardust are in the mix. Their performance in-ring reaffirms the question of why aren’t they doing more. The Dust Bros are killing it in all phases.
- Bo Dallas vs R-Truth (13&15) – Freed from his winning streak gimmick, he gets his revenge on Truth with a quick cheat. “If you're not cheating, you’re not trying,” is clearly the strategy that Bo is going for. A Bo-Dog on the outside is a pretty good way to cap off your revenge.
- Swagger w/ Zeb (17) – Fred called it on last week’s BEARcast - WrestleCast (www.worldofbear.com or on iTunes) that we should not be surprised that if next week we see the realest of Real Americans, Hulk Hogan, come out and help take down Rusev and Lana. There were so many subtle things going on that jumped out at me during Zeb’s shoot. Was Mavis / Mabin (?) the nurse such great nurse because of or despite Obama-care? A month ago, Zeb would have been criticizing Obama instead of defending him. Oh how quickly the story lines turn in the WWE.
- Rusev vs Sin Cara (17&N/A) – Rusev beats Sin Cara “exclusively” on the app but somehow I watch it on the replay sooooo… THE FUCKING APP IS IRRELEVANT!!!!! Friend of the BEARcast (www.worldofbear.com) Dustin texted, “Vince may get media, but he doesn't get MULTI-media.” I couldn’t have said it better. One example: The WWE spends way too much time talking about twitter and what’s trending but the fact is at least 50% of your audience is not watching RAW live on the East Coast. Most people are watching the show on DVR or even an hour late so that you can fast forward through commercials. Then you’ve got a whole segment of the country watching it three hours later on the West Coast. So if you by chance go on Twitter, and you’re at al behind, the show will be spoiled for you. They’re basically doing what WCW did to them on the Monday Night Wars by announcing who wins, any surprises and the ending. People who don’t watch RAW are not going to see a trending WWE topic and then decide to watch RAW, which they’ve already missed. On the rare occasion that a Rock or Stone Cold come back, maybe you’ll get someone new interested in what happened but since the show has already aired, they’ll need to search it out on YouTube. The only time Twitter and social media make the viewing experience better is during PPVs when most everyone is watching live at the same time.
- Mark Henry (N/A) – Burnt orange and burnt ends are a staple of the world’s strongest man. It’s been a while since we’ve last seen Mark Henry. I can’t even recall why he’s been gone. Whatever the reason for his return, I hope it continues and he is able to join up with the law firm of Kingston, Woods and Langston. And was that a Vince Young sighting?
- Damien Sandow (18) – Boomer Sooner, red river rivalry is alive and well.
- Adam Rose (N/A) – This was completely stupid. However, I did come up with a great premise which the WWE can have for free. Rose sees his worst fear in the Oculus mirror, which is to be a corporate business man (aka a lemon). This revelation somehow inspires Rose to work and train harder to take down all the “lemons” of the world. Who’s the biggest lemon? The Authority! Make Rose more serious about his in-ring work and have him go bat shit obsessed with taking down The Authority. He could be a fly in all their plans. Not really disrupting anything but always an annoyance. The Authority can dispatch new wrestlers or underutilized performers to “take care of him.” This could go on for a year, off and on, meanwhile building Rose into a much more serious contender. Maybe not WHC level but at least a IC or US title run. You’re welcome, WWE.
- Ryb-Axel (N/A) – They are getting worse. I didn’t think that could happen.
- Matadores / Torito / Summer / Layla vs Fandango / Hornswoggle (19) – WTF? I will give credit to the Matadores that gave Summer a nice “goosing” that the cameras picked up. If you’re going to have the worst gimmick in wrestling, you might as well grab some hot ass when you can.
Honorable Mentions
Heyman – G.O.A.T. What other manager get’s their own DVD? I can’t wait to steal this from Fred’s house at the SummerSlam party.
Fozzy’s Light’s Go Out – Is it cool for me to be happy that Jericho is taking advantage of whatever means he can to get his band more recognition but at the same time find it incredibly cheesy and cheap that the WWE and Fozzy are using each other in such an incestuous way? Are we to assume Y2J and Fozzy will be performing prior to his match with Bray Wyatt?
Side Note(s)
The reason that Swagger’s new shirt should be mandatory for all Americans is because it’s an easy reminder of which hand to use to put over your heart. Look at this picture of the crowd and see how many people screw up the pledge stance. We are a stupid people.
For the second week in a row we get a weird Comic Book / WWE parallel. As a comic book fan, I love it. This one is specifically eerie because really, Bray Wyatt and Kronos have the same message, chat amongst yourselves.
Until next week…
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