Coming at you from Virginia (I’m guessing Blacksburg), it is never a good sign when they don’t show the name of the city or mention where they are at the beginning of the show. In hindsight, if I were the location of possibly the worst RAW of the year, I might not want to be mentioned either. Don’t think I’m giving the city a pass either, the crowd was awful too. Two wrongs don’t make a good RAW nor a “Go Home Show” for Survivor Series.
All I need to say is; a contract signing for a Survivor Series match? What could possibly go wrong?
Check out the BEARcast - WrestleCast for a full breakdown of RAW and our predictions for the PPV on Sunday. Go to www.worldofbear.com and subscribe on iTunes.
So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 11/17/2014...
- Dolph Ziggler (9) – Am I crazy to think that Ziggler and Harper could put on a 5-star match at a PPV? Both participants let it all out and unfortunately Ziggler dropped the IC title. Very funny, WWE. For a moment I was convinced Ziggler was getting a push. You tricked me again! Ziggler being the IC champ was a good fit, but now I couldn’t tell you what’s next for the Showoff. The least I could do was give him the top slot before he gets buried. Again.
- Luke Harper (N/A) – Excellent match. I have no idea why he needed the IC belt? I’ve got high hopes for Harper. For get about all this Survivor Series crap, let’s see what he does in the next few months.
- Miz and Damien Miz-dow w/ Grumpy Cat (1) – The great and powerful Miz and his stunt double Damien Miz-dow get two slots because I’m the god of these rankings and they’re the best. They do need something to do other than be comic relief. BTW, doesn’t Miz look like Grumpy Cat? It was a no brainer to put these two pillars of Hollywood together.
- Miz & Miz-Dow / The Dust Brothers (1&N/A) – I struck a deal with my girlfriend, she had to watch the tag match in exchange for watching the Grumpy Cat segments. After a few minutes explaining the rules and how the teams were arranged, she really got into it. You know who she liked most? Miz and Miz-dow. That’s all you need to know as to why they’re at the top of the countdown twice. I can’t wait for the 4-way tag match at SS.
- The Usos / Los Matadors w/ El “Dorito” (N/A&19) – Like last week, Los Matadors are riding the coattails of a superior gimmick and / or superior partners. The most offensive thing about Los Matadors is that if the two of them had a better gimmick, they could be a great tag team. They can wrestle just as good as The Usos or The Dust Brothers. Again, these four teams should put on a great match at SS.
- Seth Rollins w/ Minions (Mercury and Noble) (4) – As much as I have been complaining about the main storyline of the WWE and Team Cena vs Team Authority, the one person that’s not only floating above the wreckage but seemingly raising his stature is Rollins. This year’s SS is brining everyone down except Rollins. I have no idea where he’s going with the Money in the Bank title or who his next opponent will be if RKO is out for an extended period but he’s a great performer on mic or in the ring.
- Cesaro (N/A) – Cesaro gets a special bump this week because he carried Ryback’s carcass through their entire match. Cesaro should be getting this Ryback push. At least he was involved in the end and sided with HHH and Stephanie. That’s a good sign for the long run.
- Tyson “Beats” Kidd w/ Natalya (14) – Maybe “Beats” Kidd is a poor choice for a nickname in light of the current Adrian Peterson situation. If that’s the case, maybe Kidd shouldn’t wear purple Vikings colors? Maybe he and Natalya should start a line of husband and wife wrestling porn? Maybe they’re getting a bump because they didn’t offend my wrestling watching sensibilities?
- AJ Lee (8) – It was a good week for the CM Punk / AJ Lee family. Punk was on Talking Dead and announced that he was writing an issue of Thor for Marvel Comics. AJ Lee had very good impression of her performed by B-Bella and shined as the Divas champ. Unfortunately my gut tells me that Sunday is the last day of the AJ Lee Divas championship reign.
- AJ-B-Bella vs N-Bella (20) – Yes, I’m as shocked as the rest of you to see both Bellas in the top 10. B-Bella did a great job at playing dress-up. To bad Halloween was two weeks ago. Don’t make the mistake in assuming I’ve changed my stance on this horrendous Bella vs Bella feud. This week they were interesting and certainly better than most of the other segments on RAW.
- Dean Ambrose and Bray Wyatt (10&11) – Oooohhhh, Bray has a new “smoking” lantern. I bet the WWE couldn’t wait to show that off (and probably sell it on WWEshop.com ASAP). Even I, a huge Wyatt fan, am tired of these rambling soliloquies. These two should be teaming up, not fighting against each other. But like two superheroes clashing when their paths first cross, I suppose that’s what is happening with Bray and Dean? Hopefully we get a great match on Sunday with no shenanigans. The problem is that neither of them needs a win over the other and neither of them needs a loss to the other. I don’t see how any clean result helps either wrestler so we’ll probably see some bullshit ending.
- HHH and Stephanie (7) – As WWE fashion expert, Stephanie gets a C-plus. Not that she didn’t look good, but that red dress needed to be shorter or full length. Now let’s get to the show. The HHH and Stephanie characters once again did a fine job. HHH had a few slip-ups but he made up for it with his shots at the WCW (but if you really think about it, weren’t his “friends” the ones running WCW to which he was taking shots at?). The other contribution my girlfriend made was this quote, “So what happens if Team Authority loses?” To which my answer was, “Exactly!” What does happen if Team Authority loses? NOTHING! Nothing will change. Is Cena and crew going to start cutting checks to the truck drivers and staff? Will Big Show start arranging the travel plans for all the wrestlers. Will Eric Rowan be in charge of merchandise sales and putting together quarterly reports for investors? Nothing will change. Lastly, what’s the purpose for Team Authority to have the US and IC champions? This whole match is ridiculous but it’s not the HHH and Stephanie character’s fault. If you want to blame it on Paul Levesque and Stephanie McMahon, be my guest. I will say, HHH looked legit hurt after going through the table at the end of RAW so I don’t want to beat a man while he’s down.
- John Cena (6) – He tries so hard. I tip my cap to him. Do we really need the other jabronies with Cena at SS? Can he just put on his SuperCena cape and take on the entire Team Authority? The WWE should just push all their chips in this one time, while no one is caring what happens, and let SuperCena be the superhero to all the kids in the world and have him defeat Team Authority singlehandedly.
- Ryback (15) – He’s horrible on the mic. He can’t wrestle for shit. He fucks up almost all his signature moves and he looks like a muscular rag doll when Cesaro is tossing him around the ring. How is the “The Big Guy” over with so many fans? This is a mystery only Mike Tyson’s Mysteries can solve.
- Sheamus (5) – So what happened to Sheamus? I literally fell asleep during the match. The ringing of the end of the match woke me to find Sheamus and Big Show being taken down my Rusev and Henry. If anyone knows what happened, let me know. I’m afraid if I watch, I’ll fall asleep. It’s like Evil Dead. You can’t read the scripture from the book of evil or you’ll release Beelzebub. Two weeks ago he was the US champ, now… nothing. At least Ziggler will have a friend buried in the same ditch.
- Rusev w/ Lana (12) – Our new US champion. As Fred has said on the BEARcast - WrestleCast (www.worldofbear.com) this could have some interesting storylines. Being part of Team Authority is not one of them. If the world had any sense of humor, somehow someway the topless pictures of Lana from Banshee would have popped up on the jumbo-tron. Just for a split second.
- Mark Henry (16) – He was there. He slammed someone through the table. I checked out.
- Big Show (17) – Grumpy Cat had the same displeasured look on his face as I did watching anything containing Big Show and Mark Henry. What an inspiration it was to see Big Show limp to the ring to support Cena. It was like watching Willis Reed limp out for game 7 of the 1970 NBA finals. Truly a miracle.
- Adam Rose and The Bunny (13) – The Bunny must feel shame. He must be humiliated. Take him into the Red Room of Pain. This allowed the WWE to play around with some sodomy and bestiality jokes. No one happier than The King who could whip out some of his classic “puppies” material.
- Heath Slater (N/A) – This is how I imagine the conversation between the WWE and Heath Slater going… “Virginia / West Virginia, who gives a shit? You’re from “a” Virginia so put this stupid Uncle Sam costume on and get your ass out there. Oh, you don’t like it? Are you seeing what we’re doing to Kofi, Big E and Xavier Woods? Now get your fucking ass out there. No, no, stop crying. We don't care if you have family out there. You’ll dress up and job to who we tell you to. You’ll really be crying if we send you to the unemployment line with Drew McIntyre and Jinder Mahal.
Honorable Mentions
Grumpy Cat – It’s “Grumpy Cat” not “Grumpy THE Cat,” Michael Cole, you dumb fuck. get it right and show some respect. I won’t harp on the horrible announcing but will only say that if JBL, Cole and The King were more concerned with the show and who or what is on said show rather than arguing about Marie Laveau and stealing each other’s jokes, the product might be better.
The Church of the The New Day – it’s coming. Big E looks like a 1950s gas station attendant, wash rag and all.
Lucha Underground – El Rey Network, channel #341? Looks cool but this has been done before. Remember when MTV2 tried something like this. It sounds and looks like a great idea but there’s something that just doesn’t work with a produced wrestling show. Even though wrestling is all scripted, it must be done LIVE. Having said this, I do believe there is better version of wrestling waiting to be done. More scripted with better stories and production but you also must have full, unedited matches.
WWE 2k15 – My Career mode, you say? Do they have the part where your character gets buried for 2 years because of backstage politics?
Until next time…
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