Randy Orton, Savior of the WWE! And the return of the Power Rankings.

Coming at you from Des Moines, and we’re less than two weeks away from WM31!

I’ve been waiting to make this grand proclamation and now, it is time; 

If you’ve been a reader and / or listener to the BEAR (which I can’t thank you enough) you’d know that I’m a huge Randy Orton fan.  He’s one of the most physically gifted wrestlers of all time, has great ring psychology that’s often misunderstood and when given the right gimmick, he can easily be one of the best performers in the WWE.  

It seems almost silly to say this about someone who’s been around for over a decade but many of of RKO’s perceived shortcomings have been due to suspensions for substance abuse / PED issues and creative misunderstandings of what works best for Randy Orton.  

My favorite phase in Randy Orton’s career was “The Legend Killer” years.  At first it seemed like this upstart, legacy performer was getting an undeserved push because he fit all the boxes that the WWE liked and the idea of Randy Orton beating all of these proven Superstars was too much for most people to accept.  Funny, you could replace the words RANDY ORTON with ROMAN REIGNS and it would be déjà vu, all over again… strange, don’t you think?  Anyway…

After the first few “legends” that RKO dispatched, he was starting to find a groove.  Maybe he WAS the next Main Event-er?  The antithesis of WWE’s other rising Superstar, John Cena.  What really set RKO apart was that he didn’t live in the world of black and white or good and evil.  RKO was new, he was the best and he was going to clear deck of all the aging Superstars to take his rightful spot as “king of the hill” and he didn’t care what you thought of him.  

My favorite spot he ever did was after he’d laid waste to a crowd favorite, with the fans booing him like crazy, he’d roll out of the ring victorious and soaking in the vitriol with his arms stretched open saying, “The people love me!” (Something along those lines.  I’m old and cocaine is a hell of a drug.)  Was he insane?  Did the writers not understand that people hated him?  Was the WWE trying to push him as a face while he was beating all of the crowd favorites?  NO!  He was being a self-indulgent douchebag, which is the best version of Randy Orton.

When the WWE started teaming him up with the Legacies, Evolutions and Authorities of the world is when they ruined the best part of RKO.  The Viper is a loner.  He cares about no one but himself and should own his corner of the WWE room.  People should be in fear to draw his attention.  He’s not insane (another iteration that NEVER worked).  He was always the odd man out in any group because he was either playing second banana to HHH or was backing up Batista or prop-ing up Ted DiBiase, Jr.   

Finally, Randy Orton is back to being on his own.  We don’t know what he wants, other than to be the best.  He doesn’t care for or need anyone’s help.  He’ll be a dick one moment and can be a hero the next, only to the extent that it will benefit Randy Orton.  He should see himself as a crowd favorite, even if it’s just to the 1% of us who love douchebags.  His delusion is what made him interesting.  Is he the face or the heel against Rollins?  Does it really matter?  We’re going to get a great match.  I suspect the boo / cheer demographic that Cena gets will be flipped when it comes to RKO but as well all know, it only matters that the crowd makes noise.  

And for all of you that think I’m crazy, that’s fine.  Feel free to let me know.  But there’s no doubting the statement that RKO is one of the most naturally gifted performers.  All you have to do is go back and watch RKO vs Mick Foley 2004, No Holds Bared match.  We forget how good RKO can be because of the infinite times he’s faced off against Cena but let me know which one of these matches you wouldn’t want to see?

RKO vs Lesnar

RKO vs Rollins (we’ll be seeing this at WM31)

RKO vs Ziggler

RKO vs Reigns

RKO vs Daniel Bryan (seen it and want to see it again)

RKO vs Cesaro

RKO vs Rusev

RKO vs Barrett

There’s not another veteran wrestler that has the ability to match up with such a diverse group of opponents and have the ability to adapt to his opponent’s skill level and technique.   

Lastly, a few words on his mic skills.  That’s going to be the sticking point that most detractors will cling to when bashing RKO.  Agreed, he’s not Ric Flair, Paul Heyman or even John Cena on the mic.  He’s even worse when given a laundry list of talking points that he’s got to hit as if he’s Daniel Plainview trying to convince you to sell your land.  What he’s good at is being a dick and keeping it short and simple.  He was more than fine when he played Roast Master General going down the line of Rollins, J&J, Kane and Big Show.  As Stone Cold has always said, the best characters take a person’s personality and turn it up to 11.  The WWE needs to stop trying to change Randy Orton and just let him be RKO. 

Check out the BearCast - WrestleCast:

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http://www.bearssportstalk.blogspot.com

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/world-of-bear/id828777439?mt=2

So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 3/16/2015...

1. Randy Orton ( ) – I guess all Randy Orton needed was to be able to use the word “bitch” and his promos just flow.  Who knew?  Bitches for everyone!  
2. Seth Rollins w/ Minons – J&J (especially Noble-san) are really growing on me comedically.  Rollins is RKO 2.0 with better mic skills.  He was able to turn his home crowd pop into a solid heel promo.   
3. R-Truth – The dark horse pick to win the IC Title ladder match.  
4. Ambrose / Bryan / Ziggler – This should be one of the best matches at WM31, if not the show stealer.  The bad news is that this isn’t WM and it’s hard to keep a six man match rolling with commercial breaks.  The good news is the WWE is doing a good job of keeping the build up interesting.
   
5. Stardust / Barrett / Harper – NOTHING disappoints me more than Stardust being included in this IC Ladder match instead of what seemed like a lock of a Rhodes Brother vs Brother match.  But as we discussed on this week’s WrestleCast (www.worldofbear.com) every participant can make a case for winning the IC strap, which is really all you can ask for going into a big event.
   
6. AJ Lee w/ Paige – Everyone’s favorite fetish duo.  It’s amazing that the WWE’s main WM Divas match doesn’t feature a blond and only 1/4 of the participants have fake boobs.  You’ve come a long way WWE.  Other than this match being a little mechanical, it was solid and I expect this Divas match to crack the Top 4 at WM31.  
   
7. N-Bella w/ B-Bella – I’m convinced the WWE has a secret slush fund that invested in Johnson & Johnson Vaseline and Astroglide products as they were booking this match.  Other than then not having a blond, you’ve check all the kinky sex nerd boxes.  Oh, I’m not hating, I’m speaking from experience.  I’m all in on this match.
8. Miz and Damien Miz-dow – The best duo in all of entertainment.  They’re biggest accomplishment is that they made me care about a Ryback match.  If you’re looking for an unlikely winner of the Andre BR, look no further than Damien Sandow.  
9. Paul Heyman – Not as great as the previous two weeks, where he just killed everything like an atom bomb.  Still the GOAT of mic work.  The third time that the “mic has been cut” bit was too obvious a planned gimmick so I had to knock his ranking down a few slots.  
10. Roman Reigns – Time to bust out the new merch and add to the catch phrases.  He really is The Rock’s cousin.  You know what, he was good!  He needs to embrace the fact he’s more laid back by nature.  Think Kevin Nash-ish.  Fun loving, took nothing too serious because he’s Kevin Nash and would destroy anyone he wanted to BUT if you pissed him off, watch out!  That’s how Reigns should play it.  He’s just not as naturally intense as Ambrose or Rollins.
11. Bray Wyatt – Love him or hate him, he’s putting in ALL OF THE WORK to set up his match with The Undertaker.  Early betting line is out; the Under / Over for both entrances at WM is 15 minutes.   
12. Sting – Finally does SOMETHING in a WWE ring and shows signs of life.  Who knows what this HHH / Sting match will actually look like but at least we have signs of life from the Stinger.  
13. HHH and Stephanie – Didn’t do much but they confirmed that The Authority is 100% behind Rollins and also pushed the HHH / Sting feud forward.  
14. John Cena – I support the effort to elevate the US Title but when you hear the 15 time WHC drone on and on about it…just calm down.  Here’s what I want, Lana to flip!  You heard it hear first.  How great would it be when Rusev loses to Cena, Lana decides to go with the “new” super athlete.  This could set up a whole Kayfabe / Total Divas / N-Bella vs Lana / Rusev fighting to get his woman back set of storylines.  It’s 100% Empire (the greatest show on TV) and is the only thing that could make me care about this match.  
    
15. Rusev w/ Lana – No LANA?!  I’m out. 
16. Tyson Kidd and Cesaro w/ Natalya ( ) – FACT; dressing in all black is cool.  FACT; they are the holders of the Big Penny belts.  FACT; are better clappers than The New Day. 
17. The New Day – Why did it seem like they were trying to teach the good, hard working farm folks of Iowa how to clap with rhythm?  Sorry The New Day, I don’t think the birthing ground of the Tea Party is ready for such progressive movements.  As you can see, I know nothing about Iowa and think the whole state is like the town from Footloose.  (Weird because both my grandparents are from Iowa, but that could explain my horrendous dancing skills.)
18. Los Matadores w/ El Dorito – I will be at WM31.  Over my dead body, will this group be Tag Champs.  If they win and you see them cut away because a fan has jumped the wall to steal back the Tag Championships, you know where to start looking.  My excuse is that I’m doing it for the great good of the wrestling world.  I defy a jury of my piers to disagree with me.  I’ll go Colonel Jessup on their ass, “I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for ‘El Torito,’ and you curse the ‘Los Matadores.’ You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That 'El Torito's' death, while tragic, probably saved 'careers.' And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves careers  You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a 'crowd' who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very ‘storylines’ that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide 'them.' I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a ‘pen,’ and ‘start writing.’  Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.” 
19. Ryback – I still can’t believe CROWDS of humans feel the need to chant, feed me more.  You’re all insane.  I’ll have nothing to do with this nonsense.  
20. Big Show vs Erick Rowan – I’m tired, can we just wrap this up???  What is it that you really expect me to say?

Honorable Mentions

Sheamus – Returns………… eventually?  Hey, WWE, he’s no Undertaker, get his ass in the ring.

Brock Lesnar – Lesnar and WWE production puts on some of the best promo videos.  Also, I believe this means he’s staying.  Imagine if he looses, either to Reigns or in turn to Rollins, and we get to see mad / hunt mode Lesnar chase the title???  FUCK YEAH!

Larry Zbyszko – HOF and WCW’s version of Jerry “The King” Lawler

Side note(s)

Another outstanding night for Booker, who keeps delivering.  Not only do I truly believe Booker thinks wrestling storylines are real but now he’s obsessed with this Bella twin magic.  More specifically their “Evil” magic.  He’s already got the old voodoo witch doctor hair style and I think I just read a story arc with him in the latest Shadowman comic? 

Every wrestling fan should check out the new Max Landis wrestling short.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYvMOf3hsGA

The Usos HURT?!  Let’s see how they play this off over the next week.

Andre Battle Royal aka The dregs.  Early favorites to win: Goldust, #AxelMania, Kane, Big Show and Mark Henry.

Until next time…

WK

@wkbear

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 01/19/2015

Coming at you from Dallas, and welcome to RAW is NITRO!  

The RAW “Reunion” was fun and over all it was a great go home show before the Royal Rumble this weekend.  Other than a few, really solid matches, it was mostly all hands on deck to get us ready for the most fun PPV of the year.  I love the Royal Rumble.

Check out the BEARcast - WrestleCast ROYAL RUMBLE preview with special guest, The Doc-ta Dustin, who joins Fred and I as we try to predict this weekend’s PPV.  www.worldofbear.com and please subscribe on iTunes.  https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/world-of-bear/id828777439?mt=2 

Why is the Rumble the most fun?  GAMBLING!!!  Check out the Side Notes for an easy gambling game for the Rumble that I guarantee will be the best time you have all week.  

The WWE pulled out all the stops by bringing the Kliq back (HHH, HBK, Hall, Nash and even X-pac).  Throw in a few reunion Tag Teams of Road Dogg and Billy Gunn, who seem to be back in action, and The APA!  Then it was time for the old timers, I mean all-timers of HBK, Hogan and Ric Flair, who’s straight off his Indianapolis Colts front running https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zs3S8WnT4TA or cheerleaders https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GEKYRo7LMk or ESPN piece http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=12188015 

We even got the traditional WWE mishandling of race relations.  Nothing says MLK day like the smooth white country sounds of Difference Maker’s NEEDTOBREATHE.  Next, finding all the black faces in the crowd.  Is there a better time for a black family to go to a RAW show?  You’ve got a 95% chance of being on TV.  Not just a pass through the crowd, I mean a full stop, 5 second solo picture of you and your family on the highest rated television show on cable.  I’d assume being at the MLK RAW is similar to a trip to Mecca.  All of this is standard for the WWE but the two images that stuck out were of Nelson Mandela and Condoleezza Rice.  One was fighting for race equality and apartheid in Africa while the other was a Secretary of State and now a decider of College Football Playoff teams.  I don’t know how that incorporates into the I Have a Dream speech but they are BLACK, so I guess it makes sense?  Let’s move on.  Like I said, great show…

Did I mention the Royal f’n Rumble was this weekend?!?!  

Since you’ve got me in the gambling mood, this was yet another time I wish you could truly gamble on wrestling.  Was there any surer bet than John Cena winning his match on RAW to bring back Ziggler, Ryback and Rowan?  I would have wagered my everlasting soul on that one.

So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 1/19/2015...

1. HHH and Stephanie (2) – Yes, all their segments were average fare and Stephanie was at B-plus level fashion but they get the top stop for putting on a great and surprising Reunion show which was enjoyable and got me ready for this weekend’s Royal Rumble.  If you want the top spot, you’ve got to take it.
   
2. Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman (4) – Brock was actually really good on the mic, considering what little he said.  This is the WHC.  This is the BEAST.  This is the guy who’s F5-ing Kane and Big Show with ease.  If the WWE was an actual physical combat contest, Brock Lesnar wins every time.  Everyone hopping around and jumping off ropes is fun and cute but Lesnar would be snapping people in half.  (Snap into a SlimJim!  R.I.P. Macho Man) 
3. John Cena (3) – Ugh, it hurts me to have to stick him up here but he won the main event and brought back Ziggler, Ryback and Rowan.  It was all predictable but they pulled it off.  Most importantly Ziggler is back to be in the Rumble, who is my dark horse to win it this year.  Most importantly, with the new year / season, it’s time for…New John Cena Merchandise!!!  If you haven’t already dumped all your green Cena merch, and now your yellow Cena merch, because it’s time for BLUE Cena merch!  The Rock is already writing his Smurf jokes as we speak.
4. Dean Ambrose (11) – It seems that I’ll continue my fight for injustice in 2015.  The injustice of a clean win over a champion in which the victor does not win the championship belt.  Ambrose got the clean 1-2-3 over IC Champ Wade Barrett.  It’s a long year and I’m sure this won’t be the first time that this horrendous practice takes place and there is too much to get to for me to fully take on this travesty of sporting rules and regulations.  It only sullies what was a really good match between Ambrose and BnB.  
5. Bray Wyatt (N/A) – The second winner of a quality match.  Wyatt vs Daniel Bryan was great.  It went 3 full segments.  This could be a preview of what the main event at WM34 looks like.  I’m just thankful that the WWE seems to have ended the Ambrose / Wyatt feud that was going nowhere and meant nothing.  As you’ll hear on the BEARcast - WrestleCast (www.worldofbear.com) Bray is rumored to be in the mix for a variety of storyline options.  We’ll have to see what happens at the Rumble to get an idea of which direction he goes in.  
   
6. Wade BnB Barrett (N/A) – Loses cleanly to Dean Ambrose and gets to keep his belt.  Who had a better week than BnB?  Seriously, he’s one to watch in 2015.  I don’t expect him to get much of a push in the Rumble.  Once the dust clears from this weekend’s PPV, a new challenger will emerge and that feud should run through WM.  
   
7. Daniel Bryan (12) – There isn’t a person I talk to that doesn’t think Daniel Bryan somehow wins the Royal Rumble this year.  Whether it’s to make up for his snub last year or a way to immediately push him back into the WHC ranks, everyone is expecting a huge showing from Bryan at the Rumble.  
8. Seth Rollins w/ Minions (1) – It’s odd that the guy who could possibly walk out of the main event at the Rumble is down at number 8.  He’s lurking, which is what makes him dangerous.  He’s also got The Authority fully behind him so anything is possible.  The biggest monkey-wrench to Rollins’ game is if / when RKO comes back.  I’ve said too much already.  The WWE’s security team of J&J are busting through my windows.  1st amendment!  1st amendment!!  
9. Miz and Damien Miz-dow (7) – X-dow was fantastic as usual.  They had me for a second!  If these two are to start feuding, the Rumble is traditionally the time when we see a crack form between partners.  Don’t be sad, remember the good times we’ve had.  Let’s not start shoveling the dirt just yet.  Live in the now.  Enjoy the brilliance of Miz and Miz-dow.
10. One of the Usos (8) – Good matches.  They’re biding their time until the Ascension has enough heat to take them on for the Tag straps.
11. Roman Reigns (5) – He’s got to get out of this feud with The Big Show.  He’s on the short list to win the Rumble but I wouldn’t put my money on it.  Although, Reigns did do an excellent job of putting Big Show over the top rope.  That might be his big feat of the Royal Rumble, a solo dismissal of The Giant! 
12. The New Day (9) – The only people that don’t know they need to turn heel are Xavier Woods, Kofi Kingston and Big E.  Just do it already!!! 
    
13. Cesaro and Tyson Kidd (10) – With Adam Rose and Natalya in their corner, we’ve got an odd but interesting stable.  The talent between them and TND is unmatched and if anything should give us a few quality matches. 
14. The Ascension (15) – I only thought X-pac heat was transferred like an STD, though bodily fluids.  That’s how Chyna got it, right?  It seems that X-pac heat has mutated and infected The Ascension.  I say embrace it.  As long as the crowd isn’t dead, let them boo until they can’t scream no more.  Remember it was during The Ascension’s segment when all the great tag teams and reunions came out.  This was the best part of the night.  They’ll probably get the win over The Old Age Outlaws but it will most likely be a good match.
    
15. Paige and Natalya (13) – Paige is awesome.  Natalya is being dragged in to the new era where a Diva can be sexy AND a good wrestler, not either or.  The Bellas are holding their own as the heels of the Divas division.  Overall, the Divas need better writing and concepts but they are set for a big 2015.  I would have been ok with a 10 Diva mini-Rumble match…  Yeah, I said it.  (Oh, and it was nice to see all the Dallas Cowboys make sure they were in their seats to get a glimpse of The Bellas.  They don’t look so devastated by that Dez Bryant non-catch anymore.)
    
    
    
    
16. Summer Rae and Alicia Fox (N/A) – What can I say, they put on a good match.  The Divas division has never been more healthy and deep as it is now.  
17. Rusev w/ Lana (17) – Beat R-Truth with speed and ease.  Will Fred’s prediction of The Authority using Rusev as a means to screw over Cena come true, setting up the only plausible character to take down the Russian menace?  While Cena isn’t wearing the Hogan yellow and red, he could step up to be the next Real American Hero.
18. R-Truth (N/A) – Holding down the 90’s.  Don’t ever change.
19. Big Show (18) – “Nobody is throwing a 7’4” giant out of the ring!”  Except they do it every year!
20. Kane (N/A) – Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of the 2015 Royal Rumble!!!  In a Birdman-esque tracking shot, the camera follows Kane as he walks out of the ring, past his fellow Royal Rumble competitors who all give him a half hearted congratulations laced with envy that they themselves didn’t win the Rumble.  Kane sullenly walks past Vince who stops him, shakes his hand.  No words need spoken.  Kane proceeds to his trailer that’s been unchanged for the past 20 years.  He enters, catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror and wonders how this face got so old.  Kane moves towards the mini-fridge in the kitchenette of the trailer, grabs the loan Steel Reserve can of beer, sits on a commemorative WM24 folding chair, leans back, unlatches his Korporate belt buckle, takes a sip knowing his job is done and retires from professional wrestling.  The camera backs out of the trailer.  The door shuts.  As the camera pulls back, the trailer bursts into flames and is fully engulfed in fire.  Cut to black.  The End. 
    

Honorable Mentions

Hogan, Flair and HBK – What could make this more boring?  Bring out the Big Show for some antics. 

Royal Rumble analytics – Always fun to hear.

NWO – Hey Yo!  Can we say Nash is the winner of that group?  Great fun to have them all back and especially fucking with HHH.    

APA – Simmons and JBL?  The reunions abound.  Even JBL looked good.

New Age Outlaws – Look who’s back!  On the upswing of sobriety and looking good.  

Sting – I still get giddy when he comes out at a WWE event.  Once again causes devastation for The Authority’s plans.  Also, what a charming Steam Punk coat.  What is that, velvet?  

Side Note(s)

Even for the least adventuresome of your group, it’s easy.  Everyone throws $20 (or whatever) into the pot.  Divide 30 by the number of people; ideally 10 so each person gets three chances.  Everyone picks numbers before the Rumble starts and the wrestler that comes out at your number is one of your picks.  Hopefully it’s the likes of Daniel Bryan or in the past, Stone Cold (3 time winner) but sometimes you’re stuck with the Heath Slaters of the world.  There’s a lot of yelling, complaining, cheering, shit talking and at the end there’s no way to predict it so it is fair for everyone.  Now that you know the rules, go have fun!

Until next time…

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 01/14/2015

Coming at you from New Orleans, and if you are an Oregon fan who is still having trouble reading this through your tears from Monday night, get over it.  Things could be worse, you could have watched RAW.  

There will certainly be worse shows in 2015 but this one was one of the handful that you get each year that does nothing but self promote.  Yes, I know the function of every RAW is essentially self promotion but usually you get a dusting of storyline and / or plot development.  But the recently fired were still fired, Daniel Bryan still hasn’t wrestled yet (that will happen on SmackDown which for as much as they want me to care, I don’t), the WHC match at Royal Rumble is still a triple-threat match and there are only three wrestlers that are confirmed for the Royal Rumble match (Reigns / Bryan / Rusev).  There’s been no attention given to any other matches at the Rumble.  I assume at least two of the three other Championships will be featured matches but as of today, there’s been nothing said about the Tag, IC or US titles.  

The only thing that got spiced up was some seeds, not so gently, planted by Heyman and then by Rollins / The Authority regarding the three sides of the triple-threat WHC match.  I’m sticking to my theory that Cena wins and / or is on the brink of winning, only to have Rollins sneak in for the actually win or cash in his MitB case and then win the WHC.  This leaves an opening to where Rollins might be the WHC and hold the MitB case AND have a “re-match” clause if he were to loose the WHC.  If The Authority is truly backing Rollins, this might be an interesting twist where if he won the WHC cleanly at RR, he’d have a virtual lock on staying the champion as long as The Authority sees fit.

It’s no crazier than the NFL deciding that Dez Bryan’s catch was actually not a catch when if you questioned 100 aliens who’ve never watched football before, “Is this a catch?”  100 aliens would say, “What is a catch?  What is this Foot-Ball played without your feet?  What do we care, earthling scum, we are your new overlords and get back to work in the slave camps we’ve interned you in.”  Any other human would say, “Not only is that a catch, but maybe the best catch I’ve ever seen.”

But back to RAW.  Not event the smooth sounds of Booker T murdering the english language could keep me my attention and prevent me from dozing off a few times during RAW.  

Check out the BEARcast - WrestleCast as I butcher the english language on our weekly wrestling podcast.  Find it at www.worldofbear.com or subscribe to it on iTunes.

So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 1/12/2015…

1. Seth Rollins w/ Minions (2) – Rollins, with help of all the heels on the roster, defeated Cena in a lumberjack match.  Then to curb stomp, not just Cena, but Lesnar too at the end AND have The Authority behind him, there seems to be something dastardly in the air.  I wouldn’t be surprised to see some big twists and turns during or after the WHC match at the Royal Rumble.   
2. HHH and Stephanie (1) – As WWE fashion expert, Stephanie gets an A-minus for her sexy business look.  While this week’s show didn’t stand out, the ending threw up red flags about where The Authority stood, who they’re truly backing and there’s something brewing…
3. John Cena (3) – Say what you will about the guy, there’re maybe only five or six people in the WWE that can pull off a nine minute cold open to RAW.  Then puts on a match and is part of the closing segment.  This is the Face of the WWE.  
4. Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman (N/A) – I still say “contract signings” should be banned but thanks to Heyman, the one on Monday wasn’t a complete train-wreck.  
   
5. Roman Reigns (11) – Which is better, a horrible set of matches versus The Big Show which only reiterates that Reigns is a powerhouse / top tier guy or good feud with a wrestler that can help you put on good-to-excellent matches and while not the size of Big Show, is still considered to be in the “heavyweight” class?  If you choose the second option, write to your local WWE official and demand Reigns’ feud with Harper replace Big Show in Reigns’ current feud ASAP.  
   
6. Luke Harper (18) – Solid match against Reigns.  I’d much rather see a Reigns / Harper feud than this Harper / Rowan bullshit once Rowan comes back.  
7. Miz and Damien Miz-dow (7) – I know it’s coming, probably at the Royal Rumble, but I might shed a tear when these two finally split.  Even their Golden Globe routines are some of the most enjoyable segments.  I’m ready to illegally download their film “Manhood” right now!
   
8. An Uso w/ the other Uso (10) – I’m sorry, I defy anyone to be able to quickly differentiate one from the other.  They’re twins who have practically the same name but I’m supposed to decipher their face paint to tell who’s who?  If you want me to care, do what the Bellas did.  Through use of plastic surgery and god only knows what chemicals, I can easily tell N-Bella from B-Bella.   
9. The New Day (12) – I’ll keep saying it until it happens… HEEL fucking TURN!!!!  I’ll even beg in my best Arnold / Predator voice “Do it!  DO IT NOW!  C’mon, do it!” 
   
10. Tyson Kidd and Cesaro (17) – They put on a good match against Kofi and brutha’ Woods.  You couldn't find two guys with more talent and no gimmick.  They can’t seem to even pull off the no gimmick gimmick.  But maybe with this new Adam Rose making them a very odd trio, they’re the perfect foils for The New Day.  Maybe a great set of matches between these two groups will help launch all of them?  Maybe I’ll start seeing the millions of dollars I’ve been promised by this Saudi prince that I keep sending my personal information to via email. 
    
11. Dean Ambrose (9) – Dr. Corbit, or as he was once known as Jean Dujardin, went from being an Oscar winning actor in The Artist to blinding walking his career off a cliff in The Monuments Men to now getting side work as the in-house psychiatrist for the WWE.  Oh how fickle Hollywood can be.  I only wish Dean Ambrose was the wrestler who would take on and finally defeat Rusev.  It seems perfect for each of them BUT we’re stuck with Ambrose / Wyatt for the foreseeable future.  
12. Daniel Bryan (N/A) – Bryan came by to promote his in-ring return / debut on the new SmackDown on Thursday.  As he droned on, luckily Stephanie cut in to offer Bryan some fitness tips from her new workout series.  Again, thanks to Stephanie, this was one of the more enjoyable segments of the night.
    
13. Paige w/ Natalya and TK (6&15) – Paige is fine on her own.  Shoehorning the Natalya / Tyson Kidd storyline into Paige’s world is what I feared would happen when Paige went to be on Total Divas.  Luckily Paige is such a standout that this will probably pass and she’ll go on to face Divas champion N-Bella.  Fuck.  Paige is lost to Total Divas hell.  This is why the WWE can’t have nice things.
    
14. B-Bella w/ N-Bella (16) – I can’t believe I’m saying this, but not the worst thing in the WWE anymore.  Allow me to pause 10 seconds to makes sure I’m not struck by lightening… 1, 2, 3…
15. The Ascension (13) – There’s an old phrase in business, KISS.  Keep It Simple Stupid.  Less is more.  Have them squash these jobbers and say as little as possible.  The older fans know they’re a ripoff of classic tag teams but it’s ok as long as they do their predecessors proud.  Younger fans won’t care.  Just shut up and dominate.
16. Local Jobbers (HM) – Again, I love the use of the old school jobber.  I’m not asking for this to become a staple of WWE programming again but it works for this Ascension launch.  
17. Rusev w/ Lana (14) – Well, it seems that Ryback will be the one to beat Rusev.  So my worst fears have come true.  My only hope is that the WWE see the error in their way and someone throws themselves in front of this storyline and puts an end to it.  Let anyone else beat Rusev.  Fuck it.  The new Darren Young, Zack Ryder or even Heath Slater would be better than letting this Ryback train continue.  Lana did win me over, not that she needed help, by making fun of Ryback’s soliloquy of his personal tragedies a few weeks back.  
18. The Big Show (19) – He’s turned into the Bizzaro Tony Robbins.  Equating Roman Reigns to the New York Knicks is below the belt.  That’s like a verbal Flair-groin-shot.  
19. Alicia Fox (HM) – After her debut on Total Divas, maybe I’ve been too critical about her “crazy” persona.  Bitch seems to be actually crazy. 
20. One-armed Naomi (HM) – This isn’t a knock against Naomi, it’s a knock against what they’re doing to her.  Hopefully this is just the long trip through purgatory until the Paige / Bella(s) feud is over and Naomi can have a run at the Divas Championship.  Otherwise, I have no earthly idea what the fuck they’re doing to Naomi.  BUT in the wise words of Fred “The Oracle” (which can be heard on the BEARcast - WrestleCast at www.worldofbear.com and on iTunes), being on TV each week is the most important thing you can do.

Honorable Mentions

Macho Man HOF – If Hogan was the sun, Randy Savage was the moon in the 1980’s era.  He was the superstar that carried the torch of good wrestler and in-ring storyteller from old school guys like Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat.  I’m sure I’m overlooking many wrestlers but The Macho Man was the inspiration to all the kids who wanted to be wrestlers that weren’t the superhero-esque character like Hulk Hogan or freakish giants (in a good way) like Andre, Big Show or even Kevin Nash.  We’ll talk about him more in the upcoming months but without Macho Man, we probably wouldn’t have guys like HBK, CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, Dean Ambrose, etc.  Also, his relationship with Ms. Elizabeth was the first “love story” that young males were exposed to (looking back, maybe the constant fear of domestic abuse wasn’t the best introduction to romantic relationships but it’s all we had in the 80’s).  Hopefully this will shine a light on the star that Randy Savage was and that he was more than just a catchphrase / Slim Jim peddler.  Although, one can make the case that without Macho Man’s “Snap into a Slim Jim” ads, the company would not be around today.  (again, maybe a stick made out of discarded pig snouts and leftover farm animal parts infused with salty preservatives isn’t the healthiest snack, it’s all we had in the 90’s)

Side Note(s)

Raw Reunion next week – Hogan, HBK, Flair and Scott Hall… what could go wrong?

Until next week…

WK

@wkbear

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 01/07/2015

Coming at you from Corpus Christi, and welcome to the first RAW of 2015!  But really, this week’s RAW was just an extension of the final RAW of 2014, which oddly was one of the best RAW’s of 2014.  

Leave it to the WWE to bury one of the their best shows on a Monday that everyone in the world could foresee being the least watched.  Let’s not dwell on the negative.  We’ll chalk that up to all the other mistakes in 2014.  It’s 2015 so we’re going to be positive and look to the future because while the execution of how they delivered the storylines, the WWE pushed almost all their major players forward.

The power rankings will be quick this week because we’re starting the year off fresh but here are a few notes from the past few weeks.  Check out the BEARcast - WrestleCast (www.worldofbear.com and subscribe on iTunes) where we discuss all the goings on from the past two weeks.

Quickly, let’s recap what we learned over the past two RAW’s.  Again, lets not dwell on the execution (which was terrible) but rather, where we are now:

• Daniel Bryan is back and will be in the Royal Rumble.  You would have thought that this would be a big deal considering Bryan had one of the best starts to any year in 2014 but I guess it was only good enough to make note of on last week’s unwatched RAW versus the first RAW of the year which more fans would be watching?  What do I know…
• We have new Tag Champs, congrats to The Usos.
• Wade Barrett is back
• Christian has officially retired.  He and Edge (not my favorite duo but…) had a huge impact on the future of the WWE.  With their health and safety in peril, Cena attempted to save them by bringing back The Authority.
• The Authority is BACK!
• Rollins being the impetus of The Authority’s return, is now part of a triple-threat match for the WHC at Royal Rumble
• A new Total Divas season started and is still a miserable train wreck aside from one new addition which I’ll get to later.
• Randy Orton sightings (not just in Jameis Winston memes / GIFs) have been written about but we’ve not seen him on TV yet.  Is he the surprise comeback of this year’s Royal Rumble?
• The Ascension made their long awaited debut
• Eden “Stiles” took over announcing duties on Smackdown and temporarily on RAW (listen to the podcast for more details).  She’s hot so that’s the only reason I made note of this.  Beyond doing a fantastic job at selling Stardust, locking Eden down was Cody Rhodes greatest accomplishment of 2014.
• The opening of this week’s RAW was interesting to see who and where everyone was placed around John Cena.  There was a mysterious brother just to the right of Cena who for the life of me I could not name.  I challenge anyone to tell me who that was?  The correct answer can be heard on this week’s BEARcast as Fred solved the mystery.  
• I’m sure I’m missing others but…
• BOOKER T was filling in for The King which always brings joy to my life and at the same time turns Miriam Webster’s body in her grave like a roasting pig at a college football tailgating party.  Someone will have to explain to me why black people are not able to correctly pronounce the word “ambulance”.
• Also, listening to Cole try to stay PG and dance around the explanation of the Pot Brownie practical joke Paige pulled on Natalya was comical especially when in the next segment, Booker T just blurts out, “Ambrose shot his load early!”  Did I tell you how much I love Booker T’s announcing?!

2015 is going to be great!  

So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 1/05/2015...

1. HHH and Stephanie – The Authority is back.  Don’t ask me how or why because it will only set me off on story telling 101 tangent.  The point is, they’re back and the WWE does need them.  Stephanie was one of, if not THE best mic workers in 2014 and started off 2015 as if she’s looking to repeat this year.  While HHH was having a hard time trying to get out all the words, what he was trying to say was very important.  They wasted no time making their return felt by firing all of Cena’s teammates from Survivor Series (other than the traitorous Big Show).  I’m sure by The Rumble, Ziggler / Ryback / Rowan will all be back fighting the good fight.  I’d be remiss if I didn’t continue my due diligence regarding being the WWE-fashion monitor, especially in light of the passing of the great Joan Rivers last year.  I love Stephanie.  I think she’s beautiful but she needs (and can afford) a stylist.  It’s as if she can only put together half a good outfit.  She had on a wonderful pair of fuck-me-boots but then destroyed her look with an ill fitting dress that made her look like she had feathers.  C-plus this week.  You can do better Steph, I know you can.   
   
2. Seth Rollins w/ Minions – For the sheer fact that he’s now part of the WHC, which is now a Triple Threat match.  At the moment he’s the top full-time heel.  Also, if he needs help from Kane and J&J just to beat Ryback, how is he supposed to win the WHC against Cena or Lesnar?
3. John Cena – Watching the old clips of Cena makes me wonder how I was ever a fan before.  I have much more appreciation of THIS Cena.  Am I joining Team Cena?  Maybe 2015 is the year I lose my mind?
   
4. Wade Barrett – Yes this is probably too high but he left as a solid IC champ and had to give up his belt.  He regained it in a very good match with Ziggler to start off 2015.  While there could have been more creative ways to put the strap on him (as there could have been more creative ways to bring back The Authority) what’s done is done and he needed it more than Ziggler at this point in time.
   
5. Dolph Ziggler – With the status of his hair, he’s giving me Ric Flair (sans blood) flashbacks.  Once Ziggler lost the IC belt the first time and went on to become the star of Survivor Series, there was no need for him to regain the IC belt.  The match with BnB was a great way to start 2015 and even though he’s “fired” I expect big things.
6. Paige – I’ve got a new crush.  She’s been great in and out of the ring.  She was the only thing interesting on Total Divas.  I’m falling in love with her fun-loving youthful personality that doesn’t seem like every step she takes is methodically planned out.
   
    
7. Miz and Damien Miz-dow w/ Alicia Fox – I forgot how much I missed these guys over the holidays.  I may have checked out Miz and Maryse’s Instagram pics from their holiday party and while I’m not one for the old KayFabe rules, Miz-dow was not at the party and it was a complete disappointment.  Until their eventual feud culminates in the curtain jerker at WM31, Miz and Miz-dow should sleep, breath and eat this gimmick 24/7.  It’s only for four more months, is that too much to ask?
8. Bray Wyatt – We’re still sticking with this feud?  I love both these guys but haven’t we seen all there is between these two?  With back-2-back Sister Abigails, Wyatt beat Ambrose, again.  
   
9. Dean Ambrose – Let me answer some of Booker T’s in depth questions.  Yes, those are tables in the ambulance.  Yes, those are chairs in the ambulance.  AND yes, Dean Ambrose was going to leap from the top of the ambulance.   Why the fuck do you think there was a dedicated camera planted on top of the ambulance, solely to capture Ambrose’s leap so that we can see it over and over again in upcoming previews of how crazy he is.   
10. The Usos w/ Naomi – They’ve got their mean streak, they’re still over as a face tag team, they again hold the Tag Team straps, Naomi got herself off the train wreck that is Total Divas and is proving that she’s going to be one of the top in-ring Divas.  Life is good for The Usos and The Usos Fans.   
11. Roman Reigns – You know how you can tell Michael Cole is a true professional?  He didn’t even flinch or stammer when he had to say, “This is the next chapter in the Big Show / Reigns feud.”  There would be no way those words could come out of my mouth without laughing, stuttering, calling bullshit or choking myself with my own tongue.  The only feud more tiresome than the Wyatt / Ambrose feud is Big Show / Reigns but at least Wyatt and Ambrose can put on a decent match.  Lastly, for all the people that knock Reigns for his lack of mic skills, I’ll again have you look at the Angle / Cena promo from when Cena first debuted.  It was awful too but now look at where Cena’s at.  Hell, the same can be said for all the greats from HBK to SCSA to The Rock to Bret Hart… well maybe not Bret Hart (shhhhh, don’t tell Fred I said that… www.worldofbear.com )
12. Big E w/ The New Day – This is more about potential.  They desperately need to pull a heel turn to make this gimmick work.  If not, they won’t be around past WM31.
13. The Ascension – They should have laid waste to the old school jobbers* first, and then give their blasphemous promo that so desperately tried to put distance between them and being Road Warriors 2.0.  But would being this generation’s Road Warriors be the worst thing?  It would be a hell of a lot better than crowd killers.  Their promo just about put the good people of Corpus Christi into a coma.
    
14. Rusev w/ Lana – So I got a ton of grief leaving Rusev off the Top 20 of 2014 but based on their repetitive and boring promo, I think I was more than justified.  For someone who has the US Championship, an undefeated streak, the Russian Gold Star and a first class side-piece; you’re telling me Jack-fucking-Swagger-round-3 is what we can look forward to?
15. Natalya sans Tyson Kidd – Pleasantly surprised by the match she had with N-Bella, her current gimmick (or non gimmick) with Tyson Kidd and performance with Paige on RAW and Total Divas.  There’s something very nerdy but very enduring about Natalya.  Add in that she always puts on a solid match, she could have a very good 2015.
16. N-Bella w/ B-Bella – If I am surprised by Natalya, The Bellas have been a shock.  They’re not great at any one thing but overall, they’ve been very solid these last few months in everything they’ve done.  I’m not ready to give them Paige, AJ Lee or even Natalya / Alicia Fox credit yet but they both have a distinct style and have stepped up their game from previous years.
    
     
17. Adam Rose / Cesaro / Tyson Kidd – 1) I love the idea of Adam Rose being the Rosebud deity / overload.  “When I say dance, you dance!”  It’s weird but better than a poor-man’s Russell Brand.  2) Cesaro and Kidd are both extremely talented and need something, ANYTHING!  If this partnership gives them a push, I’m all for it.   
18. Luke Harper vs Erick Rowan – We all saw this one coming once The Wyatt Family dissolved but what the fuck is the deal with J&J getting involved.  I’m all for a fun time and some goofiness but this was a classic case of over-booking.  Is Harper with The Authority?  Is this just an act against Rowan by The Authority due to his ties with Cena?  If they were going to have fun, do it elsewhere.  This is just making a mess of a potentially good feud.
19. Big Show – This feud with Reigns can’t end soon enough.  
20. Ryback – Gobbling up negativity like Adderall, horse testosterone, HGH and any other P.E.D. he can get his hands on.  Maybe I watched too many jail shows on MSNBC and CNBC over the holidays but Ryback looks like a convict strait out the yard who could only get a job with a moving company while on parole. 

Honorable Mentions

Korporate Kane – Old man Kane inserted himself into most of the segments.  Later that night he had to hurry home before the neighborhood kids TP’d his house and he could yell at them to “get off his lawn.”

Alicia Fox / Naomi – I feel so uncomfortable with this.  I was squinting through the whole segment which ended with the other Divas getting involved.  The WWE will never truly breakthrough with the Divas division if the only personas are sultry vixen or crazy bitch.   

Jobbers in Blue – I can’t remember the last time we’ve seen actual jobbers.  It took me back to my youth, watching Saturday morning wrestling.  Special props to whomever these guys are but I give them credit because The Ascension could have easily destroyed the likes of Heath Slater and Zack “Broski” Ryder.  

Until next week…

WK

@wkbear