Coming at you from New Orleans, and if you are an Oregon fan who is still having trouble reading this through your tears from Monday night, get over it. Things could be worse, you could have watched RAW.
There will certainly be worse shows in 2015 but this one was one of the handful that you get each year that does nothing but self promote. Yes, I know the function of every RAW is essentially self promotion but usually you get a dusting of storyline and / or plot development. But the recently fired were still fired, Daniel Bryan still hasn’t wrestled yet (that will happen on SmackDown which for as much as they want me to care, I don’t), the WHC match at Royal Rumble is still a triple-threat match and there are only three wrestlers that are confirmed for the Royal Rumble match (Reigns / Bryan / Rusev). There’s been no attention given to any other matches at the Rumble. I assume at least two of the three other Championships will be featured matches but as of today, there’s been nothing said about the Tag, IC or US titles.
The only thing that got spiced up was some seeds, not so gently, planted by Heyman and then by Rollins / The Authority regarding the three sides of the triple-threat WHC match. I’m sticking to my theory that Cena wins and / or is on the brink of winning, only to have Rollins sneak in for the actually win or cash in his MitB case and then win the WHC. This leaves an opening to where Rollins might be the WHC and hold the MitB case AND have a “re-match” clause if he were to loose the WHC. If The Authority is truly backing Rollins, this might be an interesting twist where if he won the WHC cleanly at RR, he’d have a virtual lock on staying the champion as long as The Authority sees fit.
It’s no crazier than the NFL deciding that Dez Bryan’s catch was actually not a catch when if you questioned 100 aliens who’ve never watched football before, “Is this a catch?” 100 aliens would say, “What is a catch? What is this Foot-Ball played without your feet? What do we care, earthling scum, we are your new overlords and get back to work in the slave camps we’ve interned you in.” Any other human would say, “Not only is that a catch, but maybe the best catch I’ve ever seen.”
But back to RAW. Not event the smooth sounds of Booker T murdering the english language could keep me my attention and prevent me from dozing off a few times during RAW.
Check out the BEARcast - WrestleCast as I butcher the english language on our weekly wrestling podcast. Find it at www.worldofbear.com or subscribe to it on iTunes.
So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 1/12/2015…
- Seth Rollins w/ Minions (2) – Rollins, with help of all the heels on the roster, defeated Cena in a lumberjack match. Then to curb stomp, not just Cena, but Lesnar too at the end AND have The Authority behind him, there seems to be something dastardly in the air. I wouldn’t be surprised to see some big twists and turns during or after the WHC match at the Royal Rumble.
- HHH and Stephanie (1) – As WWE fashion expert, Stephanie gets an A-minus for her sexy business look. While this week’s show didn’t stand out, the ending threw up red flags about where The Authority stood, who they’re truly backing and there’s something brewing…
- John Cena (3) – Say what you will about the guy, there’re maybe only five or six people in the WWE that can pull off a nine minute cold open to RAW. Then puts on a match and is part of the closing segment. This is the Face of the WWE.
- Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman (N/A) – I still say “contract signings” should be banned but thanks to Heyman, the one on Monday wasn’t a complete train-wreck.
- Roman Reigns (11) – Which is better, a horrible set of matches versus The Big Show which only reiterates that Reigns is a powerhouse / top tier guy or good feud with a wrestler that can help you put on good-to-excellent matches and while not the size of Big Show, is still considered to be in the “heavyweight” class? If you choose the second option, write to your local WWE official and demand Reigns’ feud with Harper replace Big Show in Reigns’ current feud ASAP.
- Luke Harper (18) – Solid match against Reigns. I’d much rather see a Reigns / Harper feud than this Harper / Rowan bullshit once Rowan comes back.
- Miz and Damien Miz-dow (7) – I know it’s coming, probably at the Royal Rumble, but I might shed a tear when these two finally split. Even their Golden Globe routines are some of the most enjoyable segments. I’m ready to illegally download their film “Manhood” right now!
- An Uso w/ the other Uso (10) – I’m sorry, I defy anyone to be able to quickly differentiate one from the other. They’re twins who have practically the same name but I’m supposed to decipher their face paint to tell who’s who? If you want me to care, do what the Bellas did. Through use of plastic surgery and god only knows what chemicals, I can easily tell N-Bella from B-Bella.
- The New Day (12) – I’ll keep saying it until it happens… HEEL fucking TURN!!!! I’ll even beg in my best Arnold / Predator voice “Do it! DO IT NOW! C’mon, do it!”
- Tyson Kidd and Cesaro (17) – They put on a good match against Kofi and brutha’ Woods. You couldn't find two guys with more talent and no gimmick. They can’t seem to even pull off the no gimmick gimmick. But maybe with this new Adam Rose making them a very odd trio, they’re the perfect foils for The New Day. Maybe a great set of matches between these two groups will help launch all of them? Maybe I’ll start seeing the millions of dollars I’ve been promised by this Saudi prince that I keep sending my personal information to via email.
- Dean Ambrose (9) – Dr. Corbit, or as he was once known as Jean Dujardin, went from being an Oscar winning actor in The Artist to blinding walking his career off a cliff in The Monuments Men to now getting side work as the in-house psychiatrist for the WWE. Oh how fickle Hollywood can be. I only wish Dean Ambrose was the wrestler who would take on and finally defeat Rusev. It seems perfect for each of them BUT we’re stuck with Ambrose / Wyatt for the foreseeable future.
- Daniel Bryan (N/A) – Bryan came by to promote his in-ring return / debut on the new SmackDown on Thursday. As he droned on, luckily Stephanie cut in to offer Bryan some fitness tips from her new workout series. Again, thanks to Stephanie, this was one of the more enjoyable segments of the night.
- Paige w/ Natalya and TK (6&15) – Paige is fine on her own. Shoehorning the Natalya / Tyson Kidd storyline into Paige’s world is what I feared would happen when Paige went to be on Total Divas. Luckily Paige is such a standout that this will probably pass and she’ll go on to face Divas champion N-Bella. Fuck. Paige is lost to Total Divas hell. This is why the WWE can’t have nice things.
- B-Bella w/ N-Bella (16) – I can’t believe I’m saying this, but not the worst thing in the WWE anymore. Allow me to pause 10 seconds to makes sure I’m not struck by lightening… 1, 2, 3…
- The Ascension (13) – There’s an old phrase in business, KISS. Keep It Simple Stupid. Less is more. Have them squash these jobbers and say as little as possible. The older fans know they’re a ripoff of classic tag teams but it’s ok as long as they do their predecessors proud. Younger fans won’t care. Just shut up and dominate.
- Local Jobbers (HM) – Again, I love the use of the old school jobber. I’m not asking for this to become a staple of WWE programming again but it works for this Ascension launch.
- Rusev w/ Lana (14) – Well, it seems that Ryback will be the one to beat Rusev. So my worst fears have come true. My only hope is that the WWE see the error in their way and someone throws themselves in front of this storyline and puts an end to it. Let anyone else beat Rusev. Fuck it. The new Darren Young, Zack Ryder or even Heath Slater would be better than letting this Ryback train continue. Lana did win me over, not that she needed help, by making fun of Ryback’s soliloquy of his personal tragedies a few weeks back.
- The Big Show (19) – He’s turned into the Bizzaro Tony Robbins. Equating Roman Reigns to the New York Knicks is below the belt. That’s like a verbal Flair-groin-shot.
- Alicia Fox (HM) – After her debut on Total Divas, maybe I’ve been too critical about her “crazy” persona. Bitch seems to be actually crazy.
- One-armed Naomi (HM) – This isn’t a knock against Naomi, it’s a knock against what they’re doing to her. Hopefully this is just the long trip through purgatory until the Paige / Bella(s) feud is over and Naomi can have a run at the Divas Championship. Otherwise, I have no earthly idea what the fuck they’re doing to Naomi. BUT in the wise words of Fred “The Oracle” (which can be heard on the BEARcast - WrestleCast at www.worldofbear.com and on iTunes), being on TV each week is the most important thing you can do.
Honorable Mentions
Macho Man HOF – If Hogan was the sun, Randy Savage was the moon in the 1980’s era. He was the superstar that carried the torch of good wrestler and in-ring storyteller from old school guys like Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat. I’m sure I’m overlooking many wrestlers but The Macho Man was the inspiration to all the kids who wanted to be wrestlers that weren’t the superhero-esque character like Hulk Hogan or freakish giants (in a good way) like Andre, Big Show or even Kevin Nash. We’ll talk about him more in the upcoming months but without Macho Man, we probably wouldn’t have guys like HBK, CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, Dean Ambrose, etc. Also, his relationship with Ms. Elizabeth was the first “love story” that young males were exposed to (looking back, maybe the constant fear of domestic abuse wasn’t the best introduction to romantic relationships but it’s all we had in the 80’s). Hopefully this will shine a light on the star that Randy Savage was and that he was more than just a catchphrase / Slim Jim peddler. Although, one can make the case that without Macho Man’s “Snap into a Slim Jim” ads, the company would not be around today. (again, maybe a stick made out of discarded pig snouts and leftover farm animal parts infused with salty preservatives isn’t the healthiest snack, it’s all we had in the 90’s)
Side Note(s)
Raw Reunion next week – Hogan, HBK, Flair and Scott Hall… what could go wrong?
Until next week…
WK
@wkbear
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment