Coming at you from Hartford, and one of the beauties of the WWE is how they can surprise you when you least expect it. It seemed like just days ago I was complaining about the WWE creative staff. While I still won’t give them a complete pass nor forget the pass messes we’ve had to suffer through, Monday’s RAW was a great show. Surprising because MitB came in slightly below high expectations.
Money in the Bank was a good PPV. My time is short this week, therefore I won’t pontificate on the previous debacles that has led up to the current moments in the WWE. In short, MitB got a B-plus. As predicted, the Traditional MitB match was the Best of Show. While the WWE did a horrible job promoting the MitB card, by the end of the night it was packed and they barely fit the show into their three hour window (which makes no sense now considering the majority of us are watching the show on the Network so they could go as long as they want / need to).
The worst kept secret was that Cena was, and did, win the WHC match. This just proves you can aways trust an Amazon advertising leak to be the most reliable source of WWE info, unlike constant internet rumors concerning AJ Lee’s pregnancy and need for time off.
It was a great hometown crowd for the WWE. They were on fire which only added to the fantastic lineup and well executed show. 47 minutes into the show, I was saying to myself, “Am I really on SuperCena’s side and cheering for Jack Swagger w/ Zeb and missing Vickie Guerrero?” I had to check outside to see if the apocalypse was upon us.
Because the show was so good, and I’m the HHH of this shit, we’re going top 21 this week!
So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 6/30/2014…
- HHH and Stephanie McMahon (2&14) – Stephanie getting a B-plus in a nice rayon pantsuit. It takes a special type of performer to spit hot fire and shoot her own hometown. As far as mic workers, there’s Heyman, Stephanie, then a third tier of the HHH’s / Cena’s / Sandow’s and then everybody else. I loved Stephanie dancing to Cena’s music. HHH showed his own quality when battling Thug-a-nomic Cena on the mic, let’s not forget to give him his due. I equate what HHH and Stephanie are doing to the Donald Sterling Clippers the last two years. You love the players but are faced with heel owner(s) that are only looking out for what’s Best for Business. Great job by both of them throughout the night.
- John Cena (5) – I can’t believe I’m saying this but this current iteration of Cena services the mark fans that boo him and the regular fans that cheer him. This might be the closest thing to a Cena heel turn that we get. He’s the champ for a hands-on heel owner. He can stay face but while he holds the belts and The Authority supports him, Cena inadvertently becomes heel. This is all just a hollow championship feel if rumors are to be believed that Brock Lesnar will be Cena’s opponent at SummerSlam. As we discussed on last week’s BEARcast - WrestleCast (www.worldofbear.com) Lesnar is beating whomever he fights next. In the meantime, Battleground will feature Cena vs RKO (greatness but not getting the belt anytime soon) / Kane (who cares) / Reigns (wildcard but probably too soon to win). Early prediction is Cena retains the title, The Authority strikes a deal with Heyman and Brock comes in to take the WHC away from Cena. Having said all this, Cena had to push things too far by diving feet first into the “pool of crap” nonsense. You couldn’t just walked away with the victory? You lost me at the last moment. That’s Cena for you.
- RKO / KANE / REIGNS (5) – AKA the other contestants next month’s fatal-4-way. Everyone forgets how badass RKO is. He has staples in his head and was BUSTED open at MitB. Is Reigns’ shooting star getting snuffed out by being thrown in the WHC mix? Rollins and Ambrose are off to a great feud while Reigns is just in the mix at the top with no direction. Maybe a feud with RKO will work? HHH and Kane set up to take out Cena for Rollins was great and it served Rollins’ feud and will pay off with Cena in the upcoming weeks. The only negative I had was the crowd give a “This is awesome” for the Reigns / HHH standoff. REALLY? Pump the breaks. That might be taking things a little too far. I am interested in what HHH has in store. I was set for HHH to give Reigns the MitB case at the end as his Plan B but I’m pretty confident that his next Plan B stands for BROCK Lesnar.
- Seth Rollins (6) – Rollins is now if full X-men gear and I suspect his alter ego name is Plan B aka The Abortion. Clearly Rollins wasn’t performing at 100% but was understandable after participating in the best match of the night on Sunday, the traditional MitB match. Surprisingly RVD and Rollins put on a solid match after they got warmed up. Even though the camera caught some talk between the two, Rollins’ leg whip in the ropes was tight. Rollins even put in work with a good shoot after the match. It would have been great to have Rollins win the WHC but I’d rather have this Rollins / Ambrose feud.
- Dean Ambrose (8) – “From one scumbag to another,” should be the title to their feud. Nice shoot. There’s not another current feud I’m more excited for than Rollins vs Ambrose. And the however Reigns is dropped in doesn’t matter because it could work both ways.
- Bray and The Wyatt Family (5&10) – Absolutely destroying their entrances with help of willing crowds. It was so fun to hear that the “Let’s go Usos" vs “Let’s go Wyatts" has the same decibel change at the split Cena chants. Harper finished off an Uso with a devastating clothesline. If that was all the Wyatt Family did, it would have been fine but then they showed up to take out a return Y2J setting up a possible Bray / Jericho feud? I’d have to say I’m excited with any direction the Wyatts go in right now.
- Sheamus and The Usos (9) – With the way Sheamus has been on fire of late and with the emergence of Rowan and Harper, this 6-man tag was great. Sheamus is on fire. A month ago, a Sheamus vs Wyatt would have felt like a huge demotion for Bray but now it seems like they’re a good match. Little did we know that a returning superstar would / will be an even better opponent for Bray which puts Sheamus on a bit of an island. The biggest surprise of MitB was that The Usos retained their titles. It still remains to be seen how long that lasts.
- Cesaro w/ Heyman (5) – Heyman = greatness. (See, I told you I was in a rush.) You’ll not find a better Hugh Hefner-esque robe nor a better catch into a backbreaker move that what Cesaro sported on RAW. Fantastic match with Kofi. If Cesaro isn’t in the mix for WHC then I’d assume he’s got to be the favorite for Barrett’s vacant IC belt.
- Kofi Kingston (17) – Philosophical question: If Kofi only does two or three amazing spots in a MitB match but sits on the sideline for 90% of the time, is he a wrestler or a glorified stuntman? This isn’t to take away from Kofi, it’s just a question of usage. I’d give up a few mind-blowing stunts if it meant that Kofi can put on more matches like he did with Cesaro. During the MitB match, Kofi was offscreen so long that I though he was making an exoskeleton out of ladders and was going to then “Ripley from Aliens” take everyone out. Make fun of me but that’s more plausible than Kofi winning a match of any consequence.
- Rob Van Damn (7) – RVD vs Rollins would have been a great headliner for ECW back in the day. The two put on a great opening match. It’s great to see RVD back putting on solid matches, even if it’s only to put over the young up and comers.
- Jack Swagger w/ Zeb (18) – “If it’d been a snake, it would have bit me.” Right in front of our face was sitting the perfect feud with the perfect managers and two very capable wrestlers and NO ONE saw it coming. In one night, Swagger and Zeb became instant crowd favorites. Give credit to an admirable heel persona for Rusev which allowed Swagger and Zeb to step in and finally act like Real Americans. Sure, once this is over, they’ll go back to the semi-racist / underachieving duo (who need’s a third leg to the Real American gimmick) but for now, I’m super pumped for a little Rusev vs Swagger feud in-ring and a Lana vs Zeb feud on mic. Add in a minimalistic cool t-shirt, I might have to be a Swagger fan for the next few weeks.
- Rusev and Lana (15) – Can we keep someone’s full name for at least a year until we know their character is going to catch on? Rusev not only migrated to Russia but also dropped his name. It’s one thing for Cena or RKO or HHH to go by one name or an acronym. Even the Zigglers, Cesaros and Barretts have put in enough time to go by one name (which they don’t exclusively). I can’t sign off on the Big E and Rusev’s of the world going by the singular name when I barely know them. Maybe I’m being too picky. I’ll shut up and allow myself to be distracted by the ample breast action going on with Lana this week. It’s was like a Carl’s Jr. commercial for their super-mega-chicken-breast-sandwich. I got my Big E vs Rusev match at MitB. It was good, not great. I’m not feeling the hammerlock. I’m sorry, when all you have to do is slip your arms out to get free, I can’t suspend reality that this move is so devastating instead of the opponent just being incompetent. Maybe one of the biggest shocks of the night, on a night filled with surprises and returns, was that I instantly loved the Rusev / Swagger feud. Let’s see where this goes!
- The Dust Brothers (11) – Only the greatest tag team ever! Ryb-Axel should be grateful that they’re allowed to job to Goldust and Stardust. I love seeing Stardust’s little legs running back and forth during the match. I wish I had the time, I would write poetry about these two. I love it!!!!
- Dolph Ziggler (4) – If he’s gotta start with Fandango to get the push he needs, so be it. He got to make out with Summer and get the win. Not a bad night. My only concern is that Ziggler falls in with this Fandango / Summer / Layla feud. Hopefully as friend of the BEARcast - WrestleCast (www.worldofbear.com or on iTunes) texted me, Ziggler is his pick for the next IC champ.
- AJ Lee (N/A) – She’s back and rumors of her being preggers were slightly exaggerated. In fact the time off looks like she’s done her good. She looks GREAT. CM Punk must have her on his strict vegan diet. The ultimate move would be fore Punk to come back only as her manager. Tease the crowd for a year would be a total Punk move. He’s a Chicago kid and is doing his best Jordan ’93 bit. He’ll eventually return to in-ring work. No one fights in the indies and up through the ranks to become WWE champ and just quits in their mid 30’s. Let him be not just a great heel manager but terrorize the fans with the possibilities of his return and only showing up during Diva functions.
- Paige (HM) – She wasn’t joking about being a woman of few words. Hey, she’s 21. Give her a break. I can’t complain about the silly way she dropped the belt back to AJ since Paige got the Divas Championship in the same silly fashion. I guess “your house” only lasts as long as AJ allows it? Finally some character development to Paige. If she goes off the deep end and get’s vengeful and obsessed at beating AJ to regain the title, that could be awesome.
- Chris Jericho (N/A) – Y2J has returned. The Ayatollah-of-Rock-n-Rolla is back! I run hot and cold with Y2J but it’s always fun when he comes back (and back and back and back and back). He’s the king of returns, so much so that they should name him Costco - BANG, you don’t get comedy like that anywhere else folks. How long is Jericho back? Who knows? But when the Wyatts came out, I dumped the Sheamus / Bray idea like the Chicago Bulls dumping Boozer to sign Melo. Bray vs Y2J is a perfect feud for both men. Well played WWE.
- The Miz (N/A) – If I didn’t secretly love The Miz, I’d be annoyed by his constant disappearances and below average matches and forgettable feuds. But then he comes back and give a great shoot and is such a good prick. Being married to Maryse doesn’t hurt him at all. There’s an alternate reality where the Miz is still working MTV Challenges and CT is staring in the Marine 4 and fighting his way back up the WWE ranks. BTW, if you’ve seen The Challenge lately, the only question I have is; Why hasn’t the WWE signed CT to be The Miz’s bodyguard?
- Bo Dallas (12) – 60 seconds of silence. Just wait until it’s 480 seconds of silence and it lasts a whole segment. Then the heel push will be complete. Hell, the WWE has wasted 8 minutes on dumber ideas. Again, my fear is how long and far can he push this. Who’s Bo’s next real opponent or feud going to be with?
- Mr. McMahon-dow aka Damien Sandow (13) – He does it again! Sunday night it was Paul Revere and on Monday, the most powerful man in Connecticut. The masses ARE to ignorant to appreciate Sandow! The only question is where do you hide a 7 foot tall Khali? I guess Big Show was too tired from his massive workload of late?
- Divas match: N-Bella vs Funkadactyls (Cameron and Naomi) (20) – All good things must come to an end. We had a great opening segment and two excellent matches but then the crap end of the Divas spectrum had to rear its reality show head. Naomi’s got talent and hopefully this break will allow her to do work with the AJ / Paige end of the Divas spectrum.
Honorable Mentions
Wade Barrett – This poor bastard can’t stay healthy. Just as he was getting a huge push and taking off in and out of the ring with his #BadNewsBarrett gimmick. Goes to show, the idea that they can’t give Ziggler a push because he’s injury prone is the same risk with all the wrestlers and any of them can get hurt. Barrett got hurt on a simple throw against the wall. Shit happens in this business. You can’t book on fear. Barrett and Bryan get hurt and life will go on even if the transition of the belt is sloppy.
Fandango w/ Layla – Really, what’s going on here? Weren’t we over with this at MitB?
SAN-TIN-OOOOOOO and Adam Rose – doing a live plug for an alcoholic beverage? On a PG show? Iced-T with a kick and no mention of alcohol? The behind the scenes on this is way more fascinating to me. I guess they feel if the major sports leagues can have alcoholic sponsors, so can they? I assume this “hard” lemonade and iced-T they’re pushing is like Zima. For all you kids out there, Zima was 7-up with alcohol. It’s what turned me into the degenerate you see before you.
Michael Cole – Monday’s RAW was so crazy even Cole got injured. What’s going on this week?
Until next time…
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