Coming at you from Dallas, and welcome to RAW is NITRO!
The RAW “Reunion” was fun and over all it was a great go home show before the Royal Rumble this weekend. Other than a few, really solid matches, it was mostly all hands on deck to get us ready for the most fun PPV of the year. I love the Royal Rumble.
Why is the Rumble the most fun? GAMBLING!!! Check out the Side Notes for an easy gambling game for the Rumble that I guarantee will be the best time you have all week.
We even got the traditional WWE mishandling of race relations. Nothing says MLK day like the smooth white country sounds of Difference Maker’s NEEDTOBREATHE. Next, finding all the black faces in the crowd. Is there a better time for a black family to go to a RAW show? You’ve got a 95% chance of being on TV. Not just a pass through the crowd, I mean a full stop, 5 second solo picture of you and your family on the highest rated television show on cable. I’d assume being at the MLK RAW is similar to a trip to Mecca. All of this is standard for the WWE but the two images that stuck out were of Nelson Mandela and Condoleezza Rice. One was fighting for race equality and apartheid in Africa while the other was a Secretary of State and now a decider of College Football Playoff teams. I don’t know how that incorporates into the I Have a Dream speech but they are BLACK, so I guess it makes sense? Let’s move on. Like I said, great show…
Did I mention the Royal f’n Rumble was this weekend?!?!
Since you’ve got me in the gambling mood, this was yet another time I wish you could truly gamble on wrestling. Was there any surer bet than John Cena winning his match on RAW to bring back Ziggler, Ryback and Rowan? I would have wagered my everlasting soul on that one.
So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 1/19/2015...
- HHH and Stephanie (2) – Yes, all their segments were average fare and Stephanie was at B-plus level fashion but they get the top stop for putting on a great and surprising Reunion show which was enjoyable and got me ready for this weekend’s Royal Rumble. If you want the top spot, you’ve got to take it.
- Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman (4) – Brock was actually really good on the mic, considering what little he said. This is the WHC. This is the BEAST. This is the guy who’s F5-ing Kane and Big Show with ease. If the WWE was an actual physical combat contest, Brock Lesnar wins every time. Everyone hopping around and jumping off ropes is fun and cute but Lesnar would be snapping people in half. (Snap into a SlimJim! R.I.P. Macho Man)
- John Cena (3) – Ugh, it hurts me to have to stick him up here but he won the main event and brought back Ziggler, Ryback and Rowan. It was all predictable but they pulled it off. Most importantly Ziggler is back to be in the Rumble, who is my dark horse to win it this year. Most importantly, with the new year / season, it’s time for…New John Cena Merchandise!!! If you haven’t already dumped all your green Cena merch, and now your yellow Cena merch, because it’s time for BLUE Cena merch! The Rock is already writing his Smurf jokes as we speak.
- Dean Ambrose (11) – It seems that I’ll continue my fight for injustice in 2015. The injustice of a clean win over a champion in which the victor does not win the championship belt. Ambrose got the clean 1-2-3 over IC Champ Wade Barrett. It’s a long year and I’m sure this won’t be the first time that this horrendous practice takes place and there is too much to get to for me to fully take on this travesty of sporting rules and regulations. It only sullies what was a really good match between Ambrose and BnB.
- Bray Wyatt (N/A) – The second winner of a quality match. Wyatt vs Daniel Bryan was great. It went 3 full segments. This could be a preview of what the main event at WM34 looks like. I’m just thankful that the WWE seems to have ended the Ambrose / Wyatt feud that was going nowhere and meant nothing. As you’ll hear on the BEARcast - WrestleCast (www.worldofbear.com) Bray is rumored to be in the mix for a variety of storyline options. We’ll have to see what happens at the Rumble to get an idea of which direction he goes in.
- Wade BnB Barrett (N/A) – Loses cleanly to Dean Ambrose and gets to keep his belt. Who had a better week than BnB? Seriously, he’s one to watch in 2015. I don’t expect him to get much of a push in the Rumble. Once the dust clears from this weekend’s PPV, a new challenger will emerge and that feud should run through WM.
- Daniel Bryan (12) – There isn’t a person I talk to that doesn’t think Daniel Bryan somehow wins the Royal Rumble this year. Whether it’s to make up for his snub last year or a way to immediately push him back into the WHC ranks, everyone is expecting a huge showing from Bryan at the Rumble.
- Seth Rollins w/ Minions (1) – It’s odd that the guy who could possibly walk out of the main event at the Rumble is down at number 8. He’s lurking, which is what makes him dangerous. He’s also got The Authority fully behind him so anything is possible. The biggest monkey-wrench to Rollins’ game is if / when RKO comes back. I’ve said too much already. The WWE’s security team of J&J are busting through my windows. 1st amendment! 1st amendment!!
- Miz and Damien Miz-dow (7) – X-dow was fantastic as usual. They had me for a second! If these two are to start feuding, the Rumble is traditionally the time when we see a crack form between partners. Don’t be sad, remember the good times we’ve had. Let’s not start shoveling the dirt just yet. Live in the now. Enjoy the brilliance of Miz and Miz-dow.
- One of the Usos (8) – Good matches. They’re biding their time until the Ascension has enough heat to take them on for the Tag straps.
- Roman Reigns (5) – He’s got to get out of this feud with The Big Show. He’s on the short list to win the Rumble but I wouldn’t put my money on it. Although, Reigns did do an excellent job of putting Big Show over the top rope. That might be his big feat of the Royal Rumble, a solo dismissal of The Giant!
- The New Day (9) – The only people that don’t know they need to turn heel are Xavier Woods, Kofi Kingston and Big E. Just do it already!!!
- Cesaro and Tyson Kidd (10) – With Adam Rose and Natalya in their corner, we’ve got an odd but interesting stable. The talent between them and TND is unmatched and if anything should give us a few quality matches.
- The Ascension (15) – I only thought X-pac heat was transferred like an STD, though bodily fluids. That’s how Chyna got it, right? It seems that X-pac heat has mutated and infected The Ascension. I say embrace it. As long as the crowd isn’t dead, let them boo until they can’t scream no more. Remember it was during The Ascension’s segment when all the great tag teams and reunions came out. This was the best part of the night. They’ll probably get the win over The Old Age Outlaws but it will most likely be a good match.
- Paige and Natalya (13) – Paige is awesome. Natalya is being dragged in to the new era where a Diva can be sexy AND a good wrestler, not either or. The Bellas are holding their own as the heels of the Divas division. Overall, the Divas need better writing and concepts but they are set for a big 2015. I would have been ok with a 10 Diva mini-Rumble match… Yeah, I said it. (Oh, and it was nice to see all the Dallas Cowboys make sure they were in their seats to get a glimpse of The Bellas. They don’t look so devastated by that Dez Bryant non-catch anymore.)
- Summer Rae and Alicia Fox (N/A) – What can I say, they put on a good match. The Divas division has never been more healthy and deep as it is now.
- Rusev w/ Lana (17) – Beat R-Truth with speed and ease. Will Fred’s prediction of The Authority using Rusev as a means to screw over Cena come true, setting up the only plausible character to take down the Russian menace? While Cena isn’t wearing the Hogan yellow and red, he could step up to be the next Real American Hero.
- R-Truth (N/A) – Holding down the 90’s. Don’t ever change.
- Big Show (18) – “Nobody is throwing a 7’4” giant out of the ring!” Except they do it every year!
- Kane (N/A) – Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of the 2015 Royal Rumble!!! In a Birdman-esque tracking shot, the camera follows Kane as he walks out of the ring, past his fellow Royal Rumble competitors who all give him a half hearted congratulations laced with envy that they themselves didn’t win the Rumble. Kane sullenly walks past Vince who stops him, shakes his hand. No words need spoken. Kane proceeds to his trailer that’s been unchanged for the past 20 years. He enters, catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror and wonders how this face got so old. Kane moves towards the mini-fridge in the kitchenette of the trailer, grabs the loan Steel Reserve can of beer, sits on a commemorative WM24 folding chair, leans back, unlatches his Korporate belt buckle, takes a sip knowing his job is done and retires from professional wrestling. The camera backs out of the trailer. The door shuts. As the camera pulls back, the trailer bursts into flames and is fully engulfed in fire. Cut to black. The End.
Honorable Mentions
Hogan, Flair and HBK – What could make this more boring? Bring out the Big Show for some antics.
Royal Rumble analytics – Always fun to hear.
NWO – Hey Yo! Can we say Nash is the winner of that group? Great fun to have them all back and especially fucking with HHH.
APA – Simmons and JBL? The reunions abound. Even JBL looked good.
New Age Outlaws – Look who’s back! On the upswing of sobriety and looking good.
Sting – I still get giddy when he comes out at a WWE event. Once again causes devastation for The Authority’s plans. Also, what a charming Steam Punk coat. What is that, velvet?
Side Note(s)
Even for the least adventuresome of your group, it’s easy. Everyone throws $20 (or whatever) into the pot. Divide 30 by the number of people; ideally 10 so each person gets three chances. Everyone picks numbers before the Rumble starts and the wrestler that comes out at your number is one of your picks. Hopefully it’s the likes of Daniel Bryan or in the past, Stone Cold (3 time winner) but sometimes you’re stuck with the Heath Slaters of the world. There’s a lot of yelling, complaining, cheering, shit talking and at the end there’s no way to predict it so it is fair for everyone. Now that you know the rules, go have fun!
Until next time…
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