WWE Power Rankings, RAW 11-18-2013

Coming at you from Nashville, this week’s RAW has gone “Country.”  My entire life, I’ve always felt that wrestling’s heart had always landed in a “red state” even though millions of fans live in the city.  The WWE says New York is it’s biggest stage / home (namely MSG but could soon be Barclay’s) but when someone says they’re going to see professional wrestling, don’t tell me your first thought isn’t of some hillbilly toothlessly screaming at a ‘raslin show?  To have a special night that’s “country” is stupid, especially when this is the “go home show” before the Survivor Series PPV.  We have enough on our plate that we don’t need to work country songs and acts into the show.  Besides, what fan of country music is going to tune into RAW for the first time because it’s in Nashville?  People come to the whore house for the whores, it don’t matter if they’re singing Sweet Home Alabama or Wisconsin Death Trip, just as long as the whores know how to fuck.  As city-folk, I’m not interested in this country show and I’d guarantee you’ll never see a RAW that’s gone “inner-city” or “street”.  Back to this being the “go home show” before the PPV, we’ve got some great matches that need the final setup AND I’m very interested in what HHH and Stephanie’s return will mean for the various matches and story lines.  The end of last week’s show was so great, we don’t need any silly gimmicks.  This is the third “go home show” in a row that’s been suspect.  If Vince is worried about buy-rates and PPV main events, work on the wrestling story lines and not the arena.  I’ll go out on a limb and say that the crowd in Boston (where Survivor Series is taking place) doesn’t share the musical tastes of those in Nashville but both want a good wrestling show.  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 11/18/2013…

I will say, the plus side of having this “country” night, I got to fast forward through a lot of stupid country music crap that normally would have gone to in-depth RAW breakdowns.  It made the night go much faster and my job a little easier.  On the negative side, this week’s Power Rankings won’t be the normal 4,000+ words, so really it’s my loyal reader who are doubly punished with this horrible needless country gimmick.  I apologize on behalf of the WWE to all of you.

Also, keep in mind the rankings are a little skewed because almost all the top talent were only involved in the main event and table setter for this weekend’s PPV.

1. 12-man Extravaganza featuring The Shield / The Wyatts vs Punk / Bryan / Usos / Cody and Goldust (1/2/3/4/5) – AKA the battle of the entrance themes.  The beginning of this match reminds me of days gone by when every great wrestler had to top each other with their entrance music / routine.  I’d normally be against tag teams “jaw-jacking” but when tensions between The Shield and Wyatts start to flare, it only gets me excited for their inevitable feud (fingers crossed).  While watching this 12-man match, I realized that as much as I like to Monday-morning-quarterback, the WWE does know what they’re doing a majority of the time.  I loved the match and thought everyone did a great job, but it did show that all these guys in one match might be too much of a good thing.  It would be incredibly hard to give each group and feud the proper time in a classic ‘Series match.  I’m glad we got to see this match but now that it’s out of my system, I’m looking forward to the two matches on the PPV that were spawned from tonight’s main event.  Let’s not forget the cherry on the night, the return of Rey Mysterio Jr.  I think it’s safe to say that Mysterio is the fifth man on the Sheild / Americans vs Usos / Rhodes / mystery man Traditional Survivor Series match.  The Wyatts vs Punk and Bryan will be a great match as well.  Although I’d like to see Bray Wyatt be a scheduled participant in the PPV match, I’ll bet that he plays a major role in the match.  Since I’m doing a bit of predicting already, I’ll go out on a limb and say both of these matches will shuffle the deck but ultimately bring the teams closer together.  My friend, Freddy D “The Oracle,” pointed out that Survivor Series brings groups and tag teams together while just a few months down the road is the Royal Rumble which is when you see teams get split apart.  Take Cody and Goldust, they’ll be great at Survivor Series but one of them will probably cause the other to get eliminated from The Rumble which will lead to the much anticipated Rhodes family feud.  The Superstars are all aligning for these tried-and-true plots to start taking place.  
2. Rand Orton (6) – Even with an initial line reading flub (although, I’ll bet that HHH was supposed to say, “Who do you think you are?” instead of “Who are you talking to?” a true thespian would have been able to improve that spot better) RKO can put on a show.  Going from petulant child to grinning bully to selling a near upset to trouncing Maddox, I find it incomprehensible for people to not see RKO’s greatness.  You can hate or love his character but when he’s on his game there’re few better at performing all aspects of the wrestling spectrum.  Unfortunately, RKO’s caught up in this feud between HHH and Stephanie vs Big Show.  RKO was stuck without a top tier opponent once Punk and Bryan were placed against The Wyatts, and with Cena fighting ADR, the only person left (in the WWE’s eyes) was The Big Show.  RKO can’t loose this match otherwise it would be another hit to the WWE championship.  It’s not as obvious that HHH or Stephanie will have some sort of roll to play in this match (i.e. when HHH was the guest ref for the Bryan / RKO match) but I’m hoping that they will intervene because this match needs something extra.  As unbelievable as it sounds, this match has fallen behind the two tag matches and the Cena / ADR match as far as importance and anticipation.  I dare say, the WWE could open Survivor Series with this match.  None of this happens to be RKO’s fault. 
3. HHH and Stephanie (N/A) – They’re back from vacation, sporting matching spray tans and wasting no time making their presence felt.  As a boss, I’ve known the displeasure of coming back to the office and seeing what the mice have done while the cat’s away.  Yes, maybe Maddox and Guerrero (and Kane) didn’t perform as HHH & Steph would have hoped but we did get a great ending…Aw, who cares!  Putting Maddox against RKO in a no DQ match was great and even better was putting Vickie against AJ (finally putting AJ in the spotlight).  Their return was solid as you would expect.  As with most segments, due to the need for time to promote all the various country BS, they didn’t do a ton other than get the show going and doling out punishments.
4. Cena (7) – The lack of boos for Cena illustrates that Nashville is a town of nimrods.  Don’t fight me on this, I’ve been to Nashville, they’re nice people but clearly they don’t know good wrestling.  The PPV will be a great barometer because it’s in Boston (Cena’s home town in case you haven’t heard) and if he gets even close to his 50/50 crowd split, it will be impressive from a mark point of view.  Surprisingly I’m looking forward to this match because I think ADR will bring out the best in Cena.  As much as I’d love to see ADR beat Cena and regain the World strap, I’m guessing Cena will hold on to the title a bit longer, even though I don’t know for what purpose. 
5. Alberto Del Rio (11) – Holy Santa Maria Batman!  ADR is such a better heel than he is a face.  Again, this was a night which no one had ton of time to flesh out their plot lines.  Although this one is pretty simple and has been straight forward.  It’s a rematch.  ADR is going after Cena’s arm.  The match pits the WWE superhero Cena (80% chance of winning) vs a WWE super villain ADR (20% chance of winning).  This feud with Cena has cemented ADR’s heel status.  The reason this would be a great win is because 1) what better place to push ADR’s villain status than to beat Cena in his home town and 2) with ADR’s heel status cranked to 11, what better time to have him take the championship and then defend it against top contenders in Kofi, Ziggler, Sheamus, Miz, R-Truth, Sandow, etc.  The irony is that up until last week all of these guys were either faces or directionless, now these other contenders have either flipped to being a fellow heel (i.e. Sandow) OR suddenly shown signs of being in other feuds (i.e. Kofi / Miz) or winning a different belt (i.e. Big E).  We’ll have to let this play out.
6. Big E Langston (8) – I know fashion is cyclical but someone has to tell Big E that CrossColors is not back in style.  I’m also not sure if maroon is the best color for him to wear.  He looks like one of the California Raisins.  Oh, did I mention that he thankfully ended Axel’s reign as IC champ?  Congrats to Big E on his first strap.  I thought it was going to be Ziggler who would take the IC title but I’ll reiterate my stance that even though Axel almost relegated the IC championship to a Flavor-Flav-sized belt buckle, with time a good IC champ could return the belt to prominence.  Big E has been impressive and will be a good champ.  He’s certainly getting a huge push lately.  The win was well deserved and I hope for good things from our new IC champ, Big E Langston.
7. Vickie Guerrero (14) – Tonight was a stellar performance by Vickie.  She was able to out crazy AJ.  She passed my girlfriend test who found Vickie’s constant passing out hilarious.  For the second week in a row, she made the most out of what she was given.  Even down to her muted Excuse Me.  In a week without Heyman, she took the torch of the ridiculous manager / GM role.
8. AJ Lee (N/A) – Could it be, we finally get a prolonged taste of AJ?  Weeeeelll, not so much.  BUT she did get to bounce around and be the main opponent in Vickie Guerrero’s best night in a long time.  Even without the Total Divas machine, AJ has retained the belt.  For the most part, the 7-on-7 Survivor Series match is basically a Total Divas vs AJ and crew match.  I pray that AJ gets to shine and we aren’t subjected to a 20 minute ‘Series match where AJ stands in the corner until the end.
9. Brad Maddox (16) – There were few moments of character development this evening but Maddox and Vickie were two of the few standouts in terms of fun story telling.  Coming out alongside Vickie, with his tail between his legs, you almost felt bad for him.  If anyone was going to be HHH and Stephanie’s punching bag it was going to be Maddox.  Maddox seemed all but doomed until he got a small opening in his match before the hammer of RKO fell upon him.
10. R-Truth and Xavier Woods (15&N/A) – First off, who the hell is Xavier Woods?  He looks like a jacked up James Brown.  The WWE promotion machine is all or nothing.  Take The Wyatts or Los Matadores, they’ll get weeks of hype and promos.  If you’re not someone that the WWE thinks is a sure shot, you get to be R-Truth’s never seen before hype-man.  You can debate on the success of The Wyatts and Matadores but they at least got the full WWE push.  Mr. Woods on the other hand?  Course, when you look like the black Baba-booey, do you really need any hype?  To my surprise, Woods made an excellent debut.  It’s funny how R-Truth is now an older statesmen in the locker room, ushering in new talent and being a reliable tag partner.  I know it was a small sample size but I’m giving them a nice bump this week.  
    
    
    
    
11. The Big Show (13) – Tonight told us two things; a) we’re reminded that Big Show is best in small doses and b) is anyone hyped for this Big Show vs RKO match?  It will be interesting to see where they place this match on the PPV.  It’s not going ahead of Cena vs ADR and I hope it’s not higher than the two tag team match ups.  Unless HHH and Stephanie have a way to sprucing up this match, the WWE championship match is no better than fourth?!  With all the time and effort the creative team has put into this RKO / Authority / Big Show feud, the WWE has failed on this one. 
12. Dolph Ziggler (18) – Poor Ziggler, the WWE is doing all they can to embarrass him.  Yet Ziggler finds a way to shine (and win) in one of the most idiotic matches, a Broadway Brawl, which Ziggler channels his inner-Honky-tonk man.  I take back the “most idiotic” part because the crowd got on overly excited when Ziggler was smashing drums over Sandow’s head.  Clearly the WWE knows how to cater to a Nashville crowd.  Regardless, I hope this was the final punishment that Ziggler has to endure to get out of the WWE doghouse.  He’s another guy who people can love or hate but they can’t deny his talent.  I’m starting a #FreeZiggler campaign.  
13. Damien Sandow (12) – Sandow seems to be coping with the loss of his MitB chance by binge eating.  Is it a little gay of me to notice that Sandow’s belly is stating to sag over his little black trunks?  Maybe but wouldn’t you be pounding fast food on the road to feed your depression if you lost the MitB match and had to loose a Broadway Brawl match via an El-Kabong to the dome after being corralled by a bass drum.
14. Kofi Kingston (HM) – I was hoping that Kofi was the mystery teammate of The Rhodes and Usos but as the night concluded it seems that Mysterio will be the mystery teammate.  Kofi was great and athletic as usual.  He’s more than deserving to have the next big push and has the ability go up against anyone.  That said, it seems like…
15. The Miz (N/A) – Out of nowhere Miz has snapped and turned on his fellow face, Kofi.  Maybe this is the heel turn that will put Miz back on our radars.  He’s done his best work as a face but nothing to show that he can’t also be good heel.  Lest we forget he was bestowed the figure-four-leg-lock by Ric Flair.  Maybe it’s time for him to follow Flair’s footsteps as a heel?
16. Ryback (15) – If you would have told me that between Axel and Ryback, Ryback would be the Heyman guy who has a better career projection, I’d have called you a perfect fool!  I don’t think there’s a wrestler that talks during a match as much as Ryback does, even to his detriment because you can hear he prattle on with his opponent about what their next moves are going to be.  I will give him credit for lifting  up Big Show without hurting Big Show or himself.  Obviously he wasn’t going to win the match but between the two, Ryback was more impressive.  That’s not a very high bar. 
17. Curtis Axel (17) – Axel seemed to get the appropriate amount of negative heat, and not for being a heel but for sucking donkey balls.  You can’t have strong heel heat when you have no personality.  Thank god he dropped the IC belt.  Hopefully Big E can bring some respectability back to the belt.  In the meantime Axel better step up his game or he’ll be back to OVW or WWE’s brand new developmental training facility.
18. The Real Americans w/ Zeb (13) – Who’d have guessed that Zeb and The Real Americans would get one of their biggest pops in Nashville (he says facetiously).    Once again Cesaro demonstrates that he’s the standout wrestler of this tag team.  The most shocking thing was to find out that they’d be teaming up with The Shield to fight Cody / Goldust / The Usos / Mysterio (most likely).  I’m guessing they might take out one or two opponents at most but then will be quickly dispatched in order to leave The Shield vs some combination of the Rhodes / Usos.  I wouldn’t be upset if this was were we start to see the crack in The Real Americans and Cesaro making the leap to singles wrestling. 
19. “Rhinestone Cowboys” aka 3MB (19) – Did the WWE listen to me and take my advice about 3MB take on the persona of each new city the show is in?  I’m not sure I can take all the credit but I’m guessing I had about 64-72% to do with it.  You’re welcome America.  3MB, or whatever they’re calling themselves, were able to keep their jobbing streak alive.  Congrats.  KCC (keep cashing checks).
20. N/A – This spot has been locked down by Los Matadores for the past few weeks but it was an odd night.  Luckily we weren’t suffered by the train wreck of El Torito.  Also, most of the top stars were lumped together in the 12-man tag which left a lot of open slots.  I wasn’t going to throw in a Broski or even David Otunga’s mention just to round out the rankings.  This week, there wasn’t a #20.  These are a sacred Rankings and they won’t be sullied by the undeserved.  Without rules and standards, all we’re left with is chaos.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to proof read my rankings of the Rhinestone Cowboys and Vickie “I know where the bodies are buried” Guerrero.

Honorable Mentions

Korporate Kane – I like the gimmick.  I like the look.  The problem is, he’s done nothing.  Maybe this is the twist HHH and Stephanie will inject into the RKO / Big Show match by having Kane interfere with Big Show to let RKO retain the championship or possibly vice-versa.  What’s the point in having a monster in your employ if you’re not going to use him?  If all he’s there to do is to make sure the Brad Maddoxes of the world make it to their matches, they’re wasting his talents.  

Primetime Players – Their absence is a big conspicuous.  In this rejuvenated tag team era, the Primetime Players have been curiously absent.  Maybe it’s nothing, maybe they’re lying in wait for their time to strike.  Month ago, when listing off the strength of the tag division, they were at the top of the list.  Now they’ve been leapfrogged by the likes of the Real Americans, a far inferior team but true heels.   

Musical Diva Chairs – JBL said it perfectly, “This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen.” 

Side Note(s) 

Wrestlers do not age well.  Need proof…

It’s official, Country music is now just bad rap music set to poor guitar playing.  The video for Florida Georgia Line had the same formula that every 2000’s rap / pop song has; “my cool car and you should be in it” feature a smoking hot babe being shuttled in and out of said car.  The only difference (besides the music) is that rappers want to get their cars as low as possible while the country singers want their trucks lifted as high as possible.  

Not a good night if you were hoping for a Survivor Series match between The Shield / The Wyatts vs The Rhodes / Usos / CM Punk / Daniel Bryan.  Although that would have been a dream matchup, I can see it being an overbooked match.  It would be hard to give every Superstar their chance to shine.  In lieu of the mega-match we’re getting somewhat watered-down ‘Series match and a tag match but this could be a good thing.  The Shield / The Real Americans vs Rhodes / Usos / myster-io guest will work out better.  The myster-io guest and the Usos will probably get the short end of the stick when they get eliminated along with The Real Americans.  Hey someone’s got to get knocked off first.  If it leaves us with any sort of pairing of The Shield vs either or both of Cody / Goldust, I’m good.  The same can be said for the Wyatts vs Punk / Bryan match.  There’s little doubt that Bray will essentially make this a handicap match but it should be a good one.  By splitting the super 12-man match, which we got a good taste of tonight, we should get 2 excellent tag matches featuring great wrestling and probably some twists and turns if the in-ring storytelling is done right.

My wrestling crew is getting together for this one.  It should be a solid PPV.  Survivor Series is technically one of the four Majors so expect some fireworks.  

Until next week…