WWE Power Rankings, RAW 2/10/2014

Coming at you from The City of Angels, there’s a special anticipation when the WWE comes to your hometown.  With “boots on the ground” I hope to get some juicy tidbits of behind the scenes and true crowd reactions relayed to me tonight.  You may ask, “Why not go yourself and find out first person?”  Well, it was offered but in Los Angeles we don’t measure travel in distance, rather, in time.  To get to the 5 pm show at Staples Center, I would have had to give myself 2 hours to fight through traffic and across town at rush hour.  Although I love Los Angeles and was born and raised here, there’s nothing I hate more than sitting in traffic.  I’m either an enraged maniac screaming at other drivers or falling asleep behind the wheel to the gentle rocking of starting and stopping along the 101 FWY.  Instead, I’m curled up on my couch, with Byrd the Cat sitting next to me and ready to watch my fellow Angelenos scream their heads off.

Random pic from outside the Staples Center

Shows that are located in major cities always seem to bring out the big stars and tonight is no different.  The promise of Betty White has all the wrestling world a buzz with anticipation.  No?  Someone has to take Mae Young’s spot and get Batista-bombed through a table.  No?  The WWE doesn’t do that type of thing anymore?  What a shame.  Let me guess that there will be at least one, possibly two, spots where old-ass-Betty-White will make out with or infer sexual intercourse with a wrestler (male or female) because in the PG television world that’s funny and acceptable.  But the slightest bit of blood, the utterance of “crap” or “suck it” or even a minuscule flash of sexuality from the women (or the men), who are at the peak of human fitness, are totally censored.  Let’s not go down this puritanical rabbit hole.  Let’s just enjoy the last remaining Golden Girl do whatever it is she’s gonna do.  Pre-emptive ‘side note’ - In the WWE’s “second home” and in the land of 1,000 stars, Betty White is the best they could do???  She must do wonders for that 18-34 year-old demographic?  

Anyway, there are so many rumors of people quitting (Punk and ADR), people signing (Sting and Hogan) and people returning (Undertaker) that I don’t know what to believe or where to begin.  As usual, I try not include “rumors” because this is a ranking of the actual events and what years of astute analysis directs me to believe.  Even though WM30 is quickly approaching, we still have the Elimination Chamber to get to.  Aside from the actual EC match, the rest of the card has some intriguing match ups.  Tops on the list would be The Shield vs The Wyatt Family.  Here’s where perception and years of wrestling storytelling (not rumors) would lead me to believe that somehow during the Shield / Wyatt match, something will split up The Shield which will lead to a 3-way match at WM30.  In the end, who knows.  This is a very tumultuous time for the WWE.  With top talents like Punk and Cena possibly being out, this is a huge opportunity for all the young or buried Superstars to show us what they’ve got and prove that they deserve the pushes they’ve been bitching about NOT getting.  Tonight should be fun.  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 2/10/2014…

(Warning, this was not a great show and some of the rankings might seem high but I assure you, it’s only due to default.  Such as, how do I rank Ziggler above ADR who beat him and then Batista who beat ADR.  There’s a method to this madness and it doesn’t always make sense to me either.) 

1. The Wyatt Family (2) – Following their ancient ancestors, the Beverly Hillbillies, The Wyatts emerged from the swamp and slithered towards the bright lights of Hollywood.  They’re not the most technical wrestlers.  They aren’t always smooth.  But they do kick ass, especially Bray.  Rowan and Harper make up for their lack of fineness with sheer brutality.  Bray, who’s the star of the family, has the skill and the power as seen when he was able to grab a running Rey and put him into a “Sister Abigail” to finish the match.  The Wyatt Family vs Shield match could not come soon enough.  Lastly, could this be the new face of the WWE?
   
   
   
   
2. The Shield (1) – Just when I’m emotionally ready for The Shield to break up, they put on a great promo.  I love them when they’re fighting opponents and I love them when they’re fighting amongst themselves.  They’re the dysfunctional set of brothers that can’t stand each other but if you pick on one, you have to fight them all.  No.  NO.  I’ve changed my mind, I don’t want them to break up!  Some will say Ambrose did horribly against Henry, but I’ll retort with WHO CARES!  We’re getting Shield vs Wyatt Family.  You can’t bring down my high with a sub par match with Henry.  Ambrose is a fraction of Henry’s size.  Some guys you just can’t put on five star matches with.  Not even HBK or Hart would be able to do too much against Henry.  When you can’t lift your opponent in a wrestling match, you're at a distinct disadvantage. Thank god for the Rollins and Reigns for breaking up that match.  The best part of the match was watching Reigns and Rollins laugh at Ambrose when you see big ass Mark Henry coming down to challenge for the US strap.  Oh, and in case HHH and Stephanie weren’t watching, THAT’S HOW YOUR CHAMPION RETAINS THE BELT WHILE LOSING.  Some classic interference gave Henry the win but protected Ambrose from loosing the belt.  Ambrose pulled off the classic, “I’m going to kill whomever comes out” to “OMG” to “I’m going to get my ass kicked” looks.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
3. The Usos (N/A) – Back from a short absence from RAW, and I really do try not to curse but great fucking match!  If there was any doubt that the Usos should be the next tag champs, they put those doubts to rest with a fantastic match.  They carried and pulled Ryb-Axel into a highflying, fast paced match.  It seems like the WWE is going to want to push the Usos finally winning the tag straps until WM30 but do we really want to wait another month and a half for that to happen?  Can we?
4. Goldust / Cody Rhodes / Rey Mysterio (6/9) – I feel bad for Goldust because he’s got to pick up the slack for Cody, who legitimately hurt his knee last week, and they both had the job of hiding Rey Mysterio from any prolonged action.  The Gold One, the oldest member of this team, had to do the heavy lifting.  I will give Rey and Cody some credit, when they were involved, they gave 100%.  You can do this on RAW, when time is limited, that’s fine.  I only worry when they’re in a lengthy match on a PPV.  Cody should be fine once he heals.  It’s Rey that is now just a role player tagging in to do his “hits.”  The WWE needs to hide him in a multi-man matchup so he doesn’t have to work more than a few minutes.
5. Randy Orton (4) – RKO’s brain looked to be trying to escape his skull.  Maybe RKO was giving his best audition for local Los Angeles casting directors with his opening shoot and his brain couldn’t handle it?  Either way, I was worried RKO’s head was going to split open without even getting pretend-hit.  Cena built this main event as the closing chapter to the Ten Year War between Cena and RKO?  The premise is totally absurd which I’ll touch on in Cena’s section.  The fact is RKO is by far the superior wrestler.  That’s not breaking news but everything RKO does seems so easy and fluid while Cena looks like every move is a labor of love and takes all his strength (and the moves aren’t that good).  RKO heel status and general attitude doesn’t win him any favor with the crowd but hard core marks can see that RKO faults don’t lie with his wrestling techniques.  As a RKO fan, can we agree to get rid of this deranged viper bullshit?  I like the nickname but when in the last two years has slamming his fists on the ground resulted in a successful RKO stunner?  Do I have to even bore you with my thoughts on RKO loosing the match clean only to keep the belt?  See last week’s post and every other time this has happened.  Hell, look at HHH / Stephanie’s rank to catch a glimpse.  This practice must stop.  It’s like the abortion debate.  I thought laws were passed years ago and when you loose a clean decision than you loose your belt but I guess we just have to keep debating it over and over again.  
   
6. Daniel Bryan (3) – I’d hate to throw water on the Daniel Bryan fire but doesn’t it seem like he’s pulling double duty?  It seems he’s working his own Bryan shoot and combining that with what CM Punk would have been doing?  Bryan’s “me against the world” was going to be hard enough but I hope the WWE is trying to put to much onto Bryan’s shoulders.  Bryan going after the Championship belt and RKO is one thing, but when he starts shooting on HHH and Stephanie about their “performance appraisal” it sounds like the type of shoot Punk would be doing.  Crossing the line from being the scrappy underdog to the arrogant antihero that everyone loves, which is Punk’s sweet spot, is not something that should be done frivolously.  If it was so easy, everyone would be doing it.  Let’s hope that the WWE isn’t putting too much onto Bryan’s shoulders, or he will fail, and let’s hope Bryan isn’t trying to take on too much, his road is already hard enough.
   
7. John Cena (N/A) – Once again, Cena proves who the real “Face of the WWE” is.  No one  shills for the company like Cena.  He worked in the WWE Network, threw a subtle jab at Punk about how this is a great time for “new Superstars” to make their name / step up and he set the tone for his match against RKO.  Speaking of which, what the hell was Cena droning on about this one match tonight (a random RAW on February 10, 2014) being the culmination of the past 10 years of feuding with RKO?  It wasn’t RKO who said any of this.  Did he forget that in two weeks he’s going to be in an EC match for the Championship against RKO?  Does the WWE really think this is the end of Cena vs RKO matches?  This match was going to “Close the rivalry?!”  Who’s smoking crack in the back?  To top it off, Cena got the clean win over the champion (don’t get me started).  Getting the clean win but not winning the championship was going to end to their rivalry?  Cena is scheduled to be at EC and presumably in a top stop at WM30 so what is going on?  Maybe after WM30 Cena plans on a prolonged vacation or rehab to get well from all his various reported injuries?  That might make sense with all his ‘come on new guys, here’s your chance to step up’ act.     
   
8. HHH and Stephanie (14) – First thought, Stephanie looks damn good tonight.  Not to bring another old bitch into the world of wrestling but I’m a frequent watcher of Joan Rivers and her fashion critique shows which by osmosis makes me an expert on women’s fashion.  For someone as rich and has the resources that Stephanie has, I’m surprised at how poorly she’s dressed most nights.  Tonight, I’ve got to give Stephanie a wardrobe tip-o-the-hat. But if I can steal from The Colbert Report, a “wag of the finger” to once again having RKO loose cleanly but not loose his Championship.  I get it now, this is part of the build up to EC and that RKO is going to loose (or come close to loosing) to all five of his opponents before the EC match.  My brain can understand the story but I can’t wrap my head around the purpose of this?  So the WWE would have me believe that RKO will loose to all of his opponents but be victorious in an EC match which would allow him to the “the face of the WWE” and defend his title against Batista at WM30?  If you wanted RKO to battle through some weird crucible to prove his worth, isn’t there a better way of doing it?  Even if RKO wins the EC match, won’t it feel less valid because he might have won a gimmick match at a PPV but in one-on-one match ups he’s lost?  Well, HHH and Stephanie, you’re the puppet masters so I’ll leave it in your hands to pull this one out and give us a satisfying result.
   
9. The Real Americans w/ Zeb Colter (15) – I can’t believe that in Los Angeles, a “We The People” chant started to take place.  Not once but multiple times?  LA isn’t exactly a hotbed for the Tea Party movement.  While the LA crowd let me down with it’s persistent support for The Real Americans, I was happy to see that Cesaro was getting a good pop from the audience.  There are three plots going on with The Real Americans that should be pointed out but they’re really just rhetorical statements.  1) Slowly, The Real Americans have shown a great deal of tag team maneuvers and a good in-ring relationship.  If only the gimmick wasn’t so stupid, they’d be on the short list of tag teams I’d want to see hold the belts.  (Maybe having heel tag champs under the age of 50 might be a good thing?) 2) Its nice to see Cesaro getting a push for the championship.  He’s going to get his singles match with RKO and the EC match which we’ll see just how much of a push he’s going to get because it would seem odd that a tag team that is working would split when the rest of the tag teams (other than the Usos) are all experiencing turmoil or involved in plots other than tag team wrestling.  3) Where are we going with the Zeb / Swagger thing?  Even now it barely passes as a story so what’s the end game if The Real Americans are left being just Zeb and Swagger?
10. Sheamus and Christian (7/8) – If you’re looking for what NOT to do in a backstage promo, it’s to try and make a joke out of a premise of a joke that wasn’t funny to begin with, as Sheamus tried to do.  You’d have thought Sheamus and Christian could team up for a solid tag match against the Real Americans.  Instead of highlighting Sheamus and Christian, The Real Americans stole the match as far as pure wrestling.  Sheamus had a good kick at the end and Christian put in fine work but nothing I will remember.  If you went by crowd reaction, Sheamus should be headed for a heel turn.  I’m surprised that there was such a big reaction.  Personally, I haven’t seen enough to move the Sheamus needle either way.  Good or bad, at this point I don’t know nor care.  
11. Batista (11) – This is the first time we’ve seen Batista in full wrestling regalia on RAW.  Did we need it?  No.  Did anyone clamor for it?  No.  We were served a taste of how badly ADR is going to get killed at EC.  Quick Side Note, if a wrestler’s ambition is to throw his opponent through a table for maximum damage, then why take off all the mice and TelePrompTers before using the table as a weapon?  I mean, who cares if your opponents cracks his head on an iPad and clearly the wrestlers don’t care about damaging the equipment since they just throw it to the side?  There seems to be a lot of care taken over something that’s just going to be destroyed.  Let’s get back to the regularly scheduled Power Rankings. 
    
12. Alberto Del Rio (12) – I feel sorry for ADR.  He’s an under appreciated wrestler and was always so close to being a mega star.  I’d love nothing more than to see him kick the crap out of Batista but with the rumors of ADR leaving soon and no evidence that the WWE has any plans for him in the long run, it feels like this is huge shoot to put Batista over.  For the past month, ADR has gone after Batista and each time he’s gotten his ass kicked.  There’s nothing that would make me believe that this will change at EC where I expect ADR to put on a better fight but still get crushed by Batista in the end. 
13. Dolph Ziggler (13) – “How’s your heart King?” says JBL… For those unaware, it’s been said, by Lawler himself, that Ziggler’s multiple elbow drops are what caused his on air heart attack.  I just had to point that out.  Now, let’s just sit back and watch two great wrestlers go at it, Ziggler and ADR…(pause)…wait, what?  That’s it?  Between ADR and Ziggler, you’ve got two wrestlers that could put on the “match of the night” but instead we get a few faint seconds before a Batista run in?  For god’s sake!  This is why I don’t truly believe the talk and bluster of HHH / Stephanie about this being a chance for wrestlers to stand out.  No one deserves a push more and there’s few that garner fan support more than The Showoff, Dolph Ziggler.  Ziggler / Bryan in a RAW 15 minute main event.  Done.  Who’s not watching that?  Give me that, then I’ll believe that the WWE is letter wrestlers who deserve a push get one.
14. The New Age Outlaws (5) – Here’s a good betting line for all you gamblers out there, the combined age of the NAO and Ms. White is over / under 200 years old?  After unsuccessfully trying to rufi Betty White (BTW what was the reason for that?) we were graced with a fart and diarrhea skit by Billy Gunn ringside.  Again, what was the purpose of this?  I understand that these are two old guys and they don’t want to wrestle night after night, nor should they.  Also, I’m not a humorless bastard.  Nothing that the NAO did was funny and I can’t see how it played out to the live crowd because they couldn’t hear the horrible set up for why Billy was pooping in his pants.  Let’s just move on and pretend this didn’t happen.  I doubt they’ll be playing this clip during the NAO retrospective.
    
15. Mark Henry (N/A) – Returning from a little time off, Henry steps up to fight Ambrose for the US Championship.  I’m in no position to call out anyone one their workout routine but it seemed as maybe Henry wasn’t focused on lifting weights or hitting some cardio these past few weeks.  In his defense, he’s a hard man to work with.  By all accounts he’s one of the nicest guys in the WWE but he’s notorious for being one of the stiffest wrestlers as well.  Not exactly fun time for someone like Ambrose, whose a third of his size.  Now that he’s back, with no plot or feud, maybe we can start talking The Nation 2.0?
16. SAN-TIN-OOOOOOO w/ Emma (17) – Does Emma realize the incredible push she’s getting by teaming up with the Great and Powerful Santino?  Strip all the goofiness away, you’ll find one of the best performers in the WWE.  Some of you will disregard this entire blog by reading that but it’s true.  Watch Santino wrestle.  Not with his gimmicks and not in some goofy dance off or having his snake charmed, but in a real wrestling match.  He’s really good.  There’s an old school charm to his style.  Serious but with a little tongue-in-cheek.  His matches flow and are rarely dull.  On top of that, he’s never broken the Santino character and he does whatever is asked of him while having such confidence.  Everyone has their irrational favorite, Santino is mine. 
    
17. Fandango w/ Summer Rae (18) – For all the ridiculousness of Fandango’s gimmick, his in-ring abilities are solid.  He and Summer aren’t going to get buried due to Total Divas coming back soon, but let’s hope they manage to find a good feud to put him in that will highlight his in-ring abilities.  That’s all he’s got because what type of feud are you going to have outsider the ring?  He can’t have a dance off with each opponent.  Ravishing Rick Rude was one of the few gimmicks (maybe Brutus the Barber too) that seemed one dimensional but was able to tone down the gimmick and was believable as a real opponent against non gimmicky shoots.  Let’s see if Fandango can walk that line?
18. Curtis Axel and Ryback (19) – It’s no secret I’m not a fan.  I don’t know who is.  But I think these two have found a temporary groove.  These two have become the top jobbers.  There’s no Ryb-Axel fan base you have to cater to.  As I mentioned last week, they’re a good one-two win for a wrestler that needs a win against a tactician and a heavyweight.  Now they’re jobbing as a tag team.  They’re more impressive than the 3MB coalition and there’s a chance that one of these two could fall into a gimmick that works.  Maybe?
19. Korporate Kane (N/A) – This is when I normally say something stupid like, Oh how the mighty have fallen.  But I’m not.  Why?  Because Kane’s utility has not yet shown its full scale use.  Whether it’s because Kane has been around forever or that he easily transitions between monster / business man / corporate lackey / straight man for a goofy tag premise, Kane always seems to fit in.  Acting as fodder for Bryan to take his aggressions out against The Authority on, I still believe Kane’s story has not yet been told (and probably not yet know even by the WWE creative staff).  I’m watching you Mr. Kane.  There’s either a great storyline inside you.
20. Divas Match (16) – This was a mess.  After a few weeks of good matches, we finally get a dud.  Considering they only get one match per week, they’re batting average is pretty good and I’ll chalk this up to an off night.  It was probably unfortunate to have the announcement of Lita going into the Hall of Fame, show highlights of what an awesome and revolutionary female wrestler she was and then to have such a clusterfuck of a Divas match all within about 30 minutes.  It certainly didn’t help this evenings Divas match.

Honorable Mentions

The Miz – For the second week in a row, he’s tried to pull the CM Punk pipe bomb shoot.  Fred “The Oracle” tells me that to replace the CM Punk “where’s my ice-cream bar / I’ve earned my shot over these losers” spot, The Miz and Ziggler will team up and try to take that mantle on.  The only problem is that Miz was the originator of that prior to Punk taking it to the next level.  Remember a few years ago when Miz won the Championship, that was kinda how he did it.  And no one deserves a push more than Ziggler but whining about his spot doesn’t suit Ziggler.  He’s more along the lines of Ric Flair who was the original showoff and would do anything to win.  That’s more Ziggler’s style.  If it gets Miz out of his funk and Ziggler a push, I’m for it.

Lita – Welcome to the HOF.  The woman who caused more ruckus in and out of the ring is now a Hall of Famer.  I wonder if her moonsaults and hurricanranas will be inducted along with her golden vagina into the HOF.  OOOOHHHHHHH boooooooo your self.  I’m not the one who jumped from wrestler to wrestler and cause on and off screen beef between the top stars of the WWE.  Lord knows, there was not bigger fan of Lita than me.  I’m just jealous… 

Bobo Brazil – Vince and the WWE have to dig deep for a non offensive face to shine the spotlight on for black history month.  As I discussed with Dustin “The Doc-ta” and Fred “The Oracle” black history month is a tricky time for the WWE.  Even though the vignette of Bobo was respectful and tried to show how he broke down barriers between races, they didn’t always show him in the best of lights.  It’s hard to celebrate black history month with characters like JYD, Crime Tyme, Coco B Ware, Kamala, Papa Shango, The Godfather, Virgil, The Boogeyman, etc. in your personal history book.  To be fair, I’ve never felt these gimmicks were meant to harm but were acutely incentive and during times when they weren’t the only ones.  I believe the McMahons see only the color green and that’s what motivates stories and characters far more than any ill intentions.  But then we get into conversations like, “How culpable are the Swiss in providing safe haven for Nazi wealth and gold (literally taken from the mouths of Jews) blah, blah, blah…” Let’s get back to the wrestling.  Here’s a great pic of Bobo, Classy and Regis.

Alexander Rusev w/ Lana – Am I the only one who finds a strong Russian accent, cold steely eyes, almost robotic like discipline and desire to destroy ones fellow competitors very attractive?  I’m talking about Lana you sick fools!  There’s something about the way she calmly scolds you and talks about hurting you that turns me on.  Now if she’d just get that huge guy out of the way, maybe we can start talking.  How you doing, Lana?

Side Note(s)

Betty White – Not to belabor a point (and honestly I respect the hell out of Ms. White for still hitting the stage into her 90’s) but I’d love to see the venn diagram where the WWE audience and the Lifetime network audience overlaps.  I imagine they barely kiss like two old dried out utters stuffed in a bra that’s one size to small.  Good luck getting to sleep with that picture seared into your brain.

It was clear by the end of the show, the company was openly stating that there are open spots at the top and if there are any Superstars out there that want to fill these open spots, now is the time to prove your worth.  That’s all great.  We’ve talked about there not being a lack of talent in the WWE but rather a lack of TOP TIER talent in the WWE.  As the RAW main event proved, how many times can we see Cena vs RKO?  Even Batista vs RKO isn’t setting the wrestling community on fire.  I’m glad there seems to be an open call for new talent.  Here’s the problem, look at the RAW lineup.  Where was the new blood?  Where’s the push for the Superstars in waiting?  A quick promo by Rusev and a nice match by the Usos (who have already proven their ready for the next step).  No Kofi, no Sandow, Miz had a two second bit, Ziggler couldn’t get halfway down the ramp before his intro was interrupted?  ADR is getting buried (and if you believe the internet rumors, will not be resigning with the WWE).  There’s nothing “new” or different that would make you think that we’re not going to be getting more Cena vs RKO for the next 10 years.  It’s nice to talk about top slots being up for grabs but who’s going to grab them if they don’t get the chance?  The New Age Outlaws are the tag team champs, they did a bit with Betty White and their only semi-in-ring contribution was a lame announcing gimmick which ended in a fart / diarrhea joke.  Talk about recycled shit.  Wake me up when Ziggler is facing Ambrose, Kofi has an actual gimmick, the Usos are tag champs, Sandow / Big E / Titus O’Neil / Darren Young / Brodus Clay / Zack Ryder / any NXT talent get a consistent and substantive push.  I’m sure I’m leaving out many more talents performers as well but you get the drift.

Finally, I was shocked to see the old WWF signage in this retro clip of Ernie Ladd.  

Until next week…