WWE Power Rankings, RAW 4/14/2014

Coming at you from Birmingham, and the BEAR is in no mood for bullshit tonight.  I was this close to making this a special “rage edition” of the Power Rankings, it’s been that kind of week.  But we’re all adults so I’ll carry on with the dignity and pride that normally comes with these here World’s Greatest Power Rankings!  Dick jokes, homosexual undertones, misogynist overtones, nerd-gasms and all the normal crap I spew out of the lump two feet above my ass.  Besides, let’s not lie to each other.  We can say that we watch wrestling as an outlet and release for our aggressions but that’s not true.  It’s an instructional documentary.  Who hasn’t put someone in a figure-4 leg lock at least once in their life?  You know you’ve slapped someone across the chest and screamed WHHOOOOOO.  I nearly cracked my knee once as a kid trying to deliver a flying Macho Man elbow from the top rope (aka the living room coffee table).  See the trick is, you have to land on your hip / buttocks and not your knee.  Kids are so stupid.  Speaking of stupid kids, there isn’t a day that I don’t wish I could chokeslam one of these brats around town through their parent’s car.  I was in Subway earlier, which tells you how my life is going, and this kid could not make up his mind.  “It’s all pre-sliced crap vegetables in a bin!  There isn’t anything you can add or take off that’s going to make your Subway sandwich any better or worse.  They all taste the same.  Now get moving!”  I told you I was angry, right?  I may or may not have been asked to leave the Subway establishment without getting my tasteless sandwich.  

Anyway, after last weeks events I was officially burnt out on wrestling by Friday.  For months, I’ve been excited about WM30 and all the lead up to it.  Then WrestleMania came and it was incredible.  At the time, I wasn’t sure if it was a C+ or an A- WrestleMania?  After some time away from the event and letting it soak in, WM30 is probably in the top 5 WM’s of all time.  We can argue over the results and some of the technical wrestling finer points but you’ll always remember the Hogan / Rock / Stone Cold opening, HHH and Stephanie’s involvement, Daniel Bryan winning the WWE World Heavyweight Championship (via wrestling 2 matches) and most notably the shocking end to The Undertaker’s streak and possibly career.  That’s not even counting Bray Wyatt’s coming out party (even in a loss to Cena), AJ defending her title against 13 opponents and the ascension of Cesaro (2014 should be his year).  We didn’t even touch on The Shield, who with Cesaro are on track to have an awesome sophomore year.  Were they the results we wanted?  No.  Did it have the best technical wrestling matches we’ve ever seen?  No.  But we will remember WM30 for years to come.

The night before WM30, we had a terrific Hall of Fame induction class which included Lita, Jake “The Snake” Roberts, Razor Ramon (Scott Hall) and a returning Ultimate Warrior.  Then WM30 on Sunday.  The next night was, as usual, one of the best RAWs of the year.  Followed up the next day with the sad news that The Ultimate Warrior died Tuesday afternoon, not 24 hours after giving a great promo in the ring.  Such madness necessitated two recordings of the BEARcast - WrestleCast (shameless plug, check out www.worldofbear.com and subscribe on iTunes).  I think we now have a scale on which to place the deaths of dead wrestlers.  You can go out like Chris Benoit, which would be the bottom of our chart, or like The Ultimate Warrior.  If I knew I was going to die, what better way than to spend the three days prior exorcising decades of past turmoil, being inducted into my profession’s HoF, getting to do one last great promo and showing off the love I have for my wife and kids.  Don’t get me wrong, dying sucks (or at least that’s what I’ve been told, otherwise I’d have tried it a long time ago) and Warrior’s passing was unexpected and horrible for his family but I can think of a lot worse ways to go out.  R.I.P. Warrior.

It’s a new week and a new Monday which means a new RAW.  I’m rejuvenated and looking forward to what my friends at the WWE have in store for me.  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 4/14/2014…

1. HHH and Stephanie (5) – As in all cases, HHH was right.  RKO, Batista and HHH should have dealt with The Shield together from the beginning.  Just like we should have dealt with Hitler in 1932.  HHH isn’t the cerebral assassin because he’s some fool.  WWE must learn from history as to not make the same mistakes!  Also, HHH didn’t get in shape just for one WM match.  Do your thing HHH.  Evolution vs Shield, I’m in!  Batista-bomb into the RKO, nice to have you guys back.  When The Shield ends up winning this feud, they’ll be the biggest faces in the WWE.  My only concern, and I said this last week, is what’s this mean for Daniel Bryan?  Everyone assumed that at Extreme Rules, there would be a HHH vs Bryan rematch for the title, but now it seems HHH is in a much better feud (this is where all the HHH haters can shove it in my face that he does what’s best for HHH and cherry picks the best plot lines to be in) and Bryan is going to face a returning “Big Red Machine” Kane.  See the Kane ranking for a note on this that may put things in perspective.  As pure service to the fans, give me Evolution vs The Shield!  Aside from what should be a great feud, The Shield will come out as top faces and RKO, and more importantly, Batista will be firm heels.  Kudos to HHH and Stephanie, once again.  Long live The Authority.  Long live Evolution.
   
2. The Shield (4) – You knew The Shield was going to come out to break up the RKO/Batista vs Usos match from the way the announce team wouldn’t shut up about them.  As punishment, HHH and Stephanie decided to give The Shield a mystery opponent for the main event.  (Quick note; How many times has the “mystery” opponent gimmick, on an average RAW in the middle of Alabama with no hype, ever been anything worth remembering?)  The mystery tag team consisted of ADR, Swagger (which for just a second got me excited that my Swagger / Zeb / ADR fantasy booking was actually happening), Fandango, 3MB, Titus O’Neil, Ryb-Axel, Rusev, and #BadNewsBarrett.  Normally, I wouldn’t even put up with this nonsense but the last time The Shield fought 11 men, the match kicked ass and was the turning point to what made them legit to EVERYONE and ANYONE who had doubts, including myself.  Titus / Rusev / Barrett or ADR would have been a fine 6-man tag, especially after see ing what the true ending was.  There were too many jobbers fighting Shield this time around.  Last time, the 11 men were all good wrestlers and everyone had their moments.  This time, it broke down into a clusterfuck of D-level talent against The Hounds of Justice, where Rollins basically took out all 11 challengers with his flip over the top (which he can do with his eyes closed).  It took a mess to get us to the end shot which was fantastic.  What we can take away from this is, if your ending is the return of Evolution and the decimation of The Shield (for the first time!) then I’ll put up with a bunch of silly bookings to start the main event.  It was a lot to sit through bus the end was great.
   
3. Randy Orton / Batista (7&8) – The tattoo twins are back together.  I’m still on the RKO / Batista train.  Now if you tell me they’re going to feud with The Shield, let’s do this.  You saw Boo-tista Bastista-bomb each member of The Shield, right?  THAT’s the Batista that should have come back two months ago.  Sticking him with RKO to help get his balance is brilliant.  Looking back, that was the problem.  Heel or face, that didn’t matter.  Batista was out of the game for too long (and it wasn’t like he was a natural like The Rock, who could wake out of a coma and do a good shoot) and needed someone to help him get his WWE sea legs again.  Maybe it could have worked as a face but it definitely is working as a heel.
4. #BadNewsBarrett (12) – I was conflicted because I really wanted to see the Ziggler / Big E feud but Barrett’s getting the big push right now.  I forgot how much potential Barrett has a top guy.  He’s a crowd favorite.  He’s a mark favorite.  He puts on great matches.  He’s just about the size that the WWE likes in the top tier guys.  Oh, and he loves being a heel.  He’s a more charismatic RKO with just slightly less athletic ability but only a little.  Great match with Ziggler.  
   
5. Dolph Ziggler (N/A) – Every mark fan’s favorite underdog.  Ziggler and Barrett put on the match of the night.  When I saw the match ups for the IC tourney, this is the one I knew would be the best fight to watch but the one I didn’t want to see because it meant Ziggler was probably going down.  As much as I’d love to see the Ziggler / Big E feud, it doesn’t seem to be what the WWE wants to give us.  I don’t know what Ziggler did to be buried and eat shit for so long but I hope his punishment is over soon.  There’s never a crowd that isn’t excited to see him.  He always puts on great matches.  Can’t we put differences aside and put Ziggler back on top.  My biggest fear is that he’s going to be used to put over the likes of Adam Rose and Bo Dallas when they come up.  
   
6. John Cena (6) – A very pro-Cena crowd at this RAW (I won’t hold that against them since they were a small but strong crowd of only 12k+).  Again, Cena is having WAY too good of a time with this Bray Wyatt feud.  Google machine, got on myspace, photoshop of Bray Wyatt and Family, Tinder, (does Nikki know about this, god knows we need a fake storyline for Total Divas…sorry, I’ll control myself) When was the last time you saw Cena smile on stage like this?  My only fear is that he’s having so much fun not being in the same type of feud that he’s been in for the past five years, he’ll force the WWE to keep this going.  You’d hope that Bray wins this steel cage match and they can both go their separate ways after Extreme Rules.
   
7. Bray and The Wyatt Family (3) – Bray was able to keep his psycho gimmick going while Cena went goofy.  For that alone, I give Wyatt an A+.  Bray in a cage with Cena at Extreme Rules should be the main event, even though it won’t be.  
   
8. Cesaro (9) – No entrance music?  I don’t know if that’s a mistake or they don’t have one for him yet or it’s a new thing they’re trying with Cesaro.  It might work for now but you eventually have to have a cue to let the audience know you’re coming.  He’s able to make a simple lock-up look interesting.  I guess I’m the only one in the world who hates his swing because even Heyman has to include “The King of Swing” in his introduction of Cesaro.  Luckily with the size of Henry, we didn’t have to suffer through it.  Cesaro pulled out a solid match with someone that you’d think has a totally conflicting style, which just shows why 2014 is the Year of Cesaro.  My early guess is that it will be Cesaro vs Barrett to win this IC tourney.  Either one should be able to give Big E a good run.
   
9. Heyman, advocate for Brock Lesnar and Cesaro (2) – Allow me to just sit back and enjoy… Nice haircut and it’s about time.  Maybe he once needed the slimy pulled back bald man ponytail to make him look more heel-ish but at this point, he so good that he can have a respectable haircut and still be the best mouthpiece.  Heyman is the best.
10. The Usos (11) – Bystanders for the most part because The Shield broke up the match but considering the Usos held their own against two top heavyweight heels, I’d say they did well for themselves.  Not that they need me to tell the world that they have wrestling skills, but it’s nice to see that they can step up to face top tier talent.  Some times you’re a tag team for a reason, the individual isn’t as strong as the team.  Therefore, even some of the greatest tag teams haven’t been able to find success after they split.  I can’t imagine the Usos splitting in this current incarnation of their characters.  I like to see that they can hold their own against all kinds of tag teams.  It’s one thing to beat up a tag division that has Los Matadores, Ryb-Axel and 3MB.  The next step is beating The Rhodes brothers and NAO, which they’ve done.  To hold their own against top talent is the next step.  All you have to do is look at The Shield.   Also they each give RKO a chance to show off just how talented he is in the ring.
    
     
11. Damien Sandow (HM) – They really need to give this guy a push.  He’s great.  What a great promo!  In a stacked show, I’m keeping him on this list.  Sure he jobbed out to Big Show but that was a truly entertaining heel shoot.
    
    
    
    
12. Goldust and Cody Rhodes (N/A) – I liked Goldust’s Cody-like new jacket.  I guess they’re sticking together for a while.  Maybe we’ll have to wait until next year’s WM31 for the Rhodes’ brother vs brother battle?  I should have known something was wrong when it looked like Goldust was half-assing his way through the match.  He’s been one of the best performers since his full-time return but on RAW he finally looked his age or at least like he didn’t give a shit about this match.  He’s been around long enough to know it was bullshit to have to put over these Ryb-Axel losers.  At least Goldust has a cool new jacket.  I’ll keep hanging my hat on that positive.  IS IT SO FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE TO GIVE A GOOD RHODES VS USOS FEUD?!?!  C’mon WWE, it’s right in front of your face, just grab it.
    
13. Rob Van Dam (15) – Matched up with ADR in the first fight of the IC tourney.  In a battle between acronyms, my heart wants RVD but my brain tells me ADR.  The crowd sided with my heart as well.  RVD got a great pop.  Still working off some ring rust, RVD was able to put on a good match with ADR to open the show.
14. Alberto Del Rio (N/A) – ADR has been on a bit of a roll lately.  Up until WM30, ADR has won 2 or 3 straight matches.  The rumor was that ADR was going to retire soon after WM but with a couple of strong wins and what seemed to be the weirdest push by JBL saying, ‘ADR is going to want to retire one day and all that’s left is for him to win the IC belt.’  That’s what is going to persuade ADR to continue wrestling?  The desire to win the IC belt?  Look, I want ADR to stick around (as long as they fix his gimmick issues) but if alls he needs is the IC belt so that he can ride off into the sunset, I’ve got the few hundred bucks to buy him the IC belt from the WWE store.  I’m not risking bodily harm in the WWE for the honor to be called IC champ.  Just say you won it, who’s going to waste time looking that up?  I don’t know what the future holds for ADR but he put on a very good match with RVD.  I don’t care what profession you’re in, if you know you’re on your way out, you don’t put in this quality of work.  I sure as shit ain't bustin’ my ass like ADR did to put over RVD just to retire in a month or two.  Then to do a small bit of double duty at the end.  No way, this guy is for sure re-signing with the WWE.
15. Paige (14) – It’s as if AJ Lee hadn’t just owned the longest Divas title run.  New Diva’s champ and after doing a little research, which consists of me asking Fred “The Oracle” - “What’s this Paige bitch’s deal?”  It turns out that Paige is a hit in NXT.  I have never seen that finishing move before!  Or at least in the ring, I believe I tried that once with a “lady of the night” and ended up costing me an extra $50 and a slipped disc in my back.  In all seriousness, if she can show us that her Paige-turner can be cleaned up and she can put on this submission move to 90% of the Divas, we might have a hot new competitor in the Divas division.  As Fred and I discussed on the last WrestleCast (another cheap plug), we might be six to twelve months away from a very strong Divas division.  Oh and tip to all you young girls, or fathers of young girls, the single lip piercing looks horrible and like you're a caught fish.
    
16. Alicia Fox (N/A) – The spring of the Divas division.  She sells every move like it’s a finisher.  She and Paige put on a really good match.  I did find it funny to hear the ref admonish both Divas to “what the hair!”  Half the time, all it looks like is two balls of hair with legs fighting each other.  Pulling hair is what girls do, right?  It’s like guys giving each other dead-leg punches or giving the old “cup check.”
    
17. Alexander Rusev w/ Lana (16) – The guy’s built like a brick shit house and Lana is a brick house.  She mighty mighteeee and let’s it all hang out.  Someone clear this up for me, is he The Bulgarian Nightmare or Brute?  You know what, who cares?  Did Lana come out with him?  Yes she did and that’s all I care about.  Tip to the WWE, keep her as a manger.  Under no circumstances turn her into an in-ring worker.  That was the downfall of Stacy Keibler.  Rusev might really be TAZ 2.0, not Big E as I predicted a few months ago.
    
18. Kane (HM) – Hello, old friend.  It’s nice to have you back.  If he only had a little hammer at to “break glass in case of emergency.”  We’ve been waiting for Koporate Kane to finally drop the facade and become “Devil’s Chosen Son” (I think that’s the nickname the announcers used?  Regardless, I like it).  Wow, isn’t it amazing how fast the WWE had that Evil Kane video package ready to go.  It’s almost as if they knew he was coming back.  Almost as if this stuff is written???  Keep this little note in the back of your heads.  If Fred “The Oracle” is correct about Kane retiring from wrestling sooner than later, this might be his way to be in one last big run vs a champion.  On the outside it might seem like a less than ideal first title defense for Bryan but he does have history with Bryan and why not let him go out via a feud with the current baby face champion. 
    
19. Sheamus (20) – Took down Swagger.  Congrats.  Can’t imagine how hard that was.  Let’s get to the real dilemma.  I have no problem with the WWE selling their wares.  But am I the only one who’s a little uncomfortable with Sheamus in just his ring skibbies walking around a Toys’R’Us going up to children and taking pictures?  I don’t even have kids but I think I’d insist that he put a shirt on and at least some gym shorts for god’s sake. 
    
20. Ryback and Curtis Axel (N/A) – Ryb-Axel is a thing now?  REALLY?  We’re going to do this?  They got new music and a few tag moves, which they looked like they were performing for the VERY first time.  WWE, please don’t elevate Ryb-Axel.  They were fine being the new top jobbers of the company.  Find me the one person who’s a Ryb-Axel fan.  I picture a lonely guy, typing away 4 - 5,000 words a week each week, critiquing RAW and … Oh shit!  There’s an evild doppelgänger of me out in the world begging for this Ryb-Axel tag team.  I must find him and kill him before he destroys the WWE with his bad ideas!  Dear readers, please help me destroy this Phantom Menace before it’s too late.  We didn’t act in time to stop Lucas in 1999 but you can help me now.  We must save the WWE from the Ryb-Axel Menace!
21. SAN-TIN-OOOOOOO w/ Emma (18) – If you take away the gimmicks from Santino vs Fandango and have them in a real match, I’d bet you get one of the more entertaining matches you’d see all year.  There’s a better chance that I’ll get a chance to wrestle Bryan for the WWE title at Extreme Rules than Santino ever getting a major push.  I’ve always said how much I love Santino and as long as he’s on the show, he’s on this list.  It was a jam packed show so I’m making a special dispensation and putting him at 21.  If you don’t like it, I’ve got two words for you…MY LIST.    

Honorable Mentions

Ultimate Warrior tribute – If you’re going to have someone put together an “In Memorial” clip package, you couldn’t find a better author than the WWE (as long as you were on their good side).  The WWE did a great job and nice work giving a legend his proper farewell tribute. 

Big E – As the centerpiece / goal of this IC tournament, he and the IC title are getting a nice push.  I know it was a packed show but couldn’t he have been at the announce table or somewhere else other than some small backstage office looking like he’s creepily masturbating to the RAW video feed?  Even if he was, why stand?  There’s a chair right there.  Sit back, relax.  Get comfortable if you’re going to be a pervert, that’s what I’ve learned in my lifetime.    

The Big Show – Didn’t even break a sweat and cashed a check.  I’m envious. 

Mark Henry – Sorry buddy.  Being cannon fodder to the next superstar but I couldn’t waste a spot on you in this week’s rankings.  It’s not you, it’s me.  We can still be friends.

Xavier Woods w/ R-Truth – It’s nice to see “brothers” working together but the Bulgarian Nightmare / Brute destroyed them both.  If I may, these two would benefit greatly from my fantasy booking of Corporate Nation, even if they’re part of the bottom tier.  What else are they doing other than jobbing?  They each have too much talent to be jobbers.  Although Corporate Nation would require Xavier Woods to cut his hair.  

Swagger w/ Zeb – They need to find a new running mate.  This isn’t going to end well if it’s just the two of them.  Take on ADR, it will work!  

Fandango w/ Layla – Was Summer’s heat on Total Divas too much for Fandango’s character?  Or was Fandango weighing her down?  A twitter war?  Is this the first breakup via Twitter?  The WWE is always ahead of the game.  Now he can bring down another Diva.  Summer, be lucky you made it out in time.  This current Fandango is a sinking ship.  

Brad Maddox – Oh Brad Maddox, you’re so cute in your little shirt and tie, doing whatever the HHH / McMahon family wants you to do.

Adam Rose and Bo Dallas – Let’s get it on guys.  I was fooled last year with Los Matadores, I won’t be fooled again in 2014

Side Note(s)

OK, was it not I that was saying we needed to bring back the King of the Ring tournament just a few weeks ago!?!?  An IC number one contender tournament isn’t the King of the Ring but it’s a tournament nonetheless.  We haven’t had a good tournament in wrestling in some time.  I’m very excited for this.  AND THIS is what I mean by, It’s the start of the new year for the WWE.  Last week we got to see the wrestlers that will be coming up (or at least their promo videos), returning wrestlers and now a tourney to breath some life into the IC belt situation.  Of course, if it were me, I’d do this for the US belt which Ambrose rarely even carries it around with him for the most part (of course he brings it on RAW to make me sound stupid).  You could always throw together a new feud for Big E and his IC strap, but I’m not here to complain.  Although you could justify the US number one contender a lot better BECAUSE Ambrose hasn’t hardly defended it.  It would be a good way to give a whole cast of characters something to do while Ambrose is off doing Shield stuff.  I’m just saying.  Although, depending on who wins the tournament, you figure this would raise the profile of the IC belt.  Assuming this was a “real” tournament and I had to fill in the bracket, it would take me more time than the 64 teams on the recent NCAA basketball bracket.  I could make a case for just about each wrestler, look at how this started:

Henry / Cesaro

RVD / ADR

Sheamus / Swagger

Ziggler / Barrett

My predictions is the final will be Cesaro vs Barrett with Barrett taking the upset to go on and fight Big E.  The question would be, does the WWE think Cesaro needs an IC run to legitimize a push to the WWE title or can he (and Heyman) make the straight transition to the WWE title?

Until next time…

BEARcast - WrestleCast 4/09/2014

BEARcast - WrestleCast 2014-04-09 w/ Fred "The Oracle"


Part 2 of this week’s BEARcast - WrestleCast.  Fred and I go a little long talking about the death of The Ultimate Warrior and remembering our favorite moments from a true legend.  We do our best to liven up the mood and go over this week’s RAW from 4/07/2014.  After a WrestleMania that gave us everything from “status quo” to the shock of our lives with The Undertaker having his WM streak broken, we look ahead to the unofficial start of the new wrestling year.


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Thanks,
WK
@wkbear on Twitter or email the show at WorldOfBearBC@gmail.com to send in ideas and comments.

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 1/13/2014

Coming at you from Providence, with the Royal Rumble just weeks away, the WWE is in full swing.  All day I wondered, with great anticipation, whether tonight’s RAW was going to be as cool, calm, funny and all-around pimp as Leonardo DiCaprio or awkwardly drunken, lost, past-their-prime-and-barely-keeping-it-together star (who you might still have sex with after 8 - 12 beers) as Jacqueline Bisset at last night’s Golden Globe Awards.  Last week’s Old School RAW was filled with star power and great surprises (everyone is still talking about Jake the Snake’s return) but was a little thin on story.  When setting the DVR, the notes said this was the “biggest RAW of the year!”  Since it’s just the second RAW of the year, I can’t wait to see what they have in store for us (sarcastic font, make yourself known to me!!!!).  I’m assuming lots of “Bryatt” action and more info on the big 30-man Rumble lineup.      So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 01/13/2014…

Tonight’s show was completely opposite of last week’s RAW.  Whereas last week we had a “talent” heavy show with tons of past and present Superstars, this week was thin on the wrestlers but packed with story and plot.  Also the official unveiling of the WWE Network was huge (more on that below).

1. Daniel Bryan (2) – Armed only with superior wrestling skills, a one word chant in “YES!” (which is more over than any chant since maybe something from The Rock?) and an unkempt man-scaping approach that makes the Wyatt Family’s hair decisions look like high society.  The announcers had it correct after the opening match with the Usos, this is strange…  To the writers’s credit (and by the end we could see it was also due to time) there were no words spoken but you feel like you got a lot of story from the match.  The opening match wasn’t great but it wasn’t bad, it just was.  I figured another week and the “Bryatt” saga will continue.  But then a funny thing happened on the way to the steel cage match.  Whether this was the plan all along or the outside pressure of fans across the wrestling world force the WWE’s hand, the Daniel Bryan Switch-a-roo was perfectly played out.  This was a PPV level finish.  I joked that this show was promoted as the “biggest show of the year” but when 2015 comes around, don’t be surprised if we’re not still talking about this one.  Even when the rematch was announce and  when they said it was going to be a steel cage match, I figured for sure WWE would stretch this out until the Rumble.  It wasn’t until Kane was going to chain the door shut did something set off my Spidey-senses.  It wasn’t until both Usos landed outside the cage and won the match did I think, “Is this really happening, tonight?”  It wouldn’t be the first time some big action was set up, only to have the plot continue further down the road (just see The Shield breakup for an example of the long game).  When Bryan didn’t go down to the second Sister Abigail, the crowd went APE SHIT.  Bryan out smarted The Wyatts (maybe / maybe not with help from his former partner Kane) into a sealed off / one-on-one showdown with the patriarch of the family who’s been torturing him.  Great performance.  “Show Stopping” one might say.  (For those of you that still don’t get it, who trained Bryan?)
   
2. Wyatt Family (2) – I’m an unabashed mark for the Wyatt Family, especially Bray Wyatt.  I’ve routinely put them higher than they belong on this list.  Fortunately I’m not the only one who seems to be a big fan.  The WWE brass seem to always be giving Bray a big push.  How much was this a Bray Wyatt push compared to a Daniel Bryan coming out party?  It doesn’t matter in the end because it all worked out beautifully.  Bray showed why his skills are deserving of the push.  One of the little things you can watch to see how good a wrestler is, is how they corner an opponent.  Do they do it half assed as just another move in the match or do they take it to the next level and give the corner-ing 100%?  Bray, furiously stopping opponents and making a spectacle of how he rests in a corner showed you that he’s the real deal in-ring.  I’m going to assume that this feud between The Wyatt Family and Daniel Bryan will continue into the Rumble.  All I can say is “Yes Yes Yes!!!”  Now the ball is in The Wyatt’s court to see if this run has legs. 
   
3. The Usos (8) – I was afraid that jobbing to the “Bryatt” storyline was beneath them and would only go to dropping their status but by the end of the night, they were the perfect opponents in the “Bryatt” story.  They were strong performers to open the show (again, not knowing where we were headed I was a little skeptical of the opening match) and I was surprised they won.  By the second win I realized what the bigger picture was and saw that it was a honor for The Usos to be apart of the overall plan but to give them two great wins which wasn’t going to take away from the finish of the show, another fantastic job.  And what do you know, The Usos spoke!!  Now we can see why they don’t speak, let’s move on.  Just joking, it wasn’t that bad.  The WWE is going for something with the split screen and the Samoan-ese (someone will have to tell me what that is) was different.  They’ve earned the right to build their character so I’ll give them a lot of rope before I make any final judgments on their shoot abilities.  Let’s see what happens when they’re the centerpiece of a feud.  They definitely were in the wake of the main event but there’s a lot of worse places to be.  Great night, topped with a loving kiss.  See, it’s ok because they’re brothers.  Nothing gay going on here.  “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”    
   
4. CM Punk (1) – You know you’re big when they have other wrestlers come out just to give you the proper hype before your hype music hits.  Normally I’d find this overly indulgent but for some reason Punk embodies the old DX aura and it works.  It wasn’t too long into the match when we saw what the WWE has been dropping hints at.  The conspiracy theory of HHH vs Punk at WM30 grew louder with NAO ditching Punk.  First it was HBK taking on Punk a few weeks ago and now the NAO.  Either HHH is behind this whole thing or The 1-2-3 Kid is about to make the greatest comeback ever.  I’d have to think the XPac / Chyna sex tape probably sealed the deal with any return, or should I say non-return.  Although it wouldn’t surprise me, and who doesn’t love to boo Sean Waltman, if next week X-Pac is coming.
5. The Shield (3) – You’re not going to hear me complain about a Shield vs NAO / Punk tag match.  With seeing how the Punk storyline looks to be playing out, The Shield took a backseat on this RAW.  I wonder what this leaves The Shield to do at RR?  They don’t seem to be in any particular match, so will they be in the Rumble?  If so, is this where they really start to break up OR do they come together and destroy the other 27 contestants?  Or maybe both, destroy and then someone has to win?  The Shield has earned a long leash and I’ll let things ride out.  Rollins’ long sleeve look is great!  It’s one of those small things that seems silly but since no other wrestler rocks the long sleeves, it makes him stand out.  Many of the wrestlers want to take everyone to the “gun show” (by no means do I mean to say Rollins isn’t in shape) but this accentuates he’s spider-like frame.  Or maybe Reigns used up all the arm-butter backstage?  I’d like to put an end to “the mechanic, the punisher and the fox” right now.  Those are completely stupid and superfluous.  Lastly, excellent flying kick by Reigns.  He needed something to pair up with the Superman punch.  
   
   
6. Damien Sandow (16) – There’s jobbing for a paycheck and then there’s jobbing for a purpose.  Sandow jobbed a fantastic match to Cena.  This loss did more for Sandow than any win in the last few months.  I know you can say he lost another match but when you put over the Face of the WWE, everyone notices.  The writers, the WWE and most importantly Cena can say, “You remember how that Sandow / Cena match killed, let’s use Sandow on the next __?___.”  I was just watching an interview with Stone Cold Steve Austin and one of his biggest points was that no matter the opportunity, you make the most of it and force people to take notice of you.  Sandow did that.  Well done.
7. John Cena (6) – This was a huge “Cena” crowd.  Close enough in geography to expect a pro Cena crow but the Cena haters were in full force as well.  Sure enough, Cena’s dad was in attendance.  Can’t help noticing the Hulk Hogan-esque undroos he was wearing.  As we know there’s nothing on screen that isn’t for sale or has a meaning.  So thank you, John Cena, for having a million conspiracy theories and thoughts of what your underwear choice means for the next few days.  I “plead the fifth” on whether I’ve already googled John Cena Underwear. The theory (screw it, my theory until someone else claims it) of Cena rising to the competition was in full affect as Sandow brought the best out of Cena.  Then we have this picture.  From the discovery of the third Gallagher brother to the kid who is in utter shock to Cena horribly asking everyone for just a little space, ‘cause that’s all you need (just a tad bit of space) when you father’s face is bashed in and the perpetrator is standing just feet away from you.
   
8. Heyman (7) – Heyman on the mic is magic.  From the way he says Brock Lesnar to even when he starts to stumble over his key points, he’s able to bring it back so smoothly as if he was reading a script.  I can’t praise the in-ring workers for their skills and not praise Heyman for his mic skills.  Heyman is to a mic what Ziggler / HBK / Hart are in the ring.  That’s why Punk is so good, he’s high in both categories. 
9. Goldust and Cody Rhodes (4) – Have we seen the first seeds of dissension between the Rhodes brothers?  The Rumble is the perfect place to hammer the nail in what will become the ultimate “brother vs brother” match at WM30.  They get the win and continue their in-ring dominance.  
10. Randy Orton (5) – I’m a huge RKO fan but I’ve got to acknowledge how dead the crowd was during his match.  I can usually defend my man but tonight I have no excuses.  Three segments for the RKO / Kofi / Cena’s dad bit?  Not even Kofi made this match exciting or entertaining.  Is it my imagination or is RKO vs Cena’s father deja-vu to around 2006?  Not to go all SNL but REALLY?  REALLY Cena and Orton?  REALLY, we’re supposed to act like this wasn’t boring 5 years ago?  REALLY, Cena’s dad has nothing better to do than get his ass kicked by RKO once a decade like a comet flying through the WWE universe?  This picture says it all.  The kid who’s being tortured by his father (which will be me someday) to RKO roaming around aimlessly in a Fugue State to even the King question the father’s parenting techniques (this from a man whose son became Grand Master Sexay, WTF?).  Father of the year and fan of the night all in the same picture, ladies and gentlemen.
    
11. Kofi Kingston (N/A) – Did Kofi really need to announce that he was going to be in the Rumble?  Here’s some breaking news, bears shit in the woods and the Pope is Catholic.  What else was Kofi doing on Rumble night?  Giving “rusty trombones” to the fans outside the area?  My pet peeve from 2013 reared it’s ugly head again.  The infuriating “clean win vs a champion with no title being exchanged.”  I’m all for Kofi to get a win over someone like RKO.  I’m not sure Kofi is due a championship run yet, but he could someday.  I just can’t get over these non-title-changing wins!  Kofi beat RKO in a clean victory.  If you want to have any integrity Kofi is the new Champ.  STOP DOING THIS ASAP, WWE.
12. Korprate Kane / Brad Maddox (N/A) – There’s been a nice back and forth between these two going back to the holiday break shows.  Am I the only one who thinks there’s something up with Kane?  Is it the big Wyatt seed?  Or a Daniel Bryan connection?  Or possibly the return of the monster?  The mask in the “break in case of emergency glass” is always in the background of late.
13. The New Age Outlaws (N/A) – These guys can still bring the hype and in short bursts they can put on a good match.  It helps to have Punk as a partner and The Shield as your opponents.  You had to know something was up when they came out for a second week in a row after essentially the same bit on the Old School RAW.  Can we lock down the HHH / Punk feud for WM30 now or do we need to see more to make that assumption?  One last thing.  Road Dogg embraced his physique (or lack of one) a long time ago, can someone explain to Billy Gunn that he’s loosing the hairline battle to father time?  It’s ok.  Let it go and age with grace.  But then again, maybe I’m not giving the guy enough credit for committing.  He’s rocked that hair through since the 90’s and even through the Billy and Chuck days (another gimmick that I with age grows fonder in my memory and I wonder if it could work in today’s WWE as a pride angle instead of a joke).  
    
14. Alberto Del Rio (12) – It’s clear to everyone with a TV and eyes to what ADR is doing, taking out all the other Mexican wrestlers, so why not work the plot more.  I don’t know what it is yet but there’s something there with taking out Sin Cara and now Mysterio.  I’m not jumping off the ADR bandwagon just yet.  He’s got too much talent.  
15. Rey Mysterio (15) – I’m still wondering what to thing of Rey’s work.  50% of the match he looks like he’s about to fall over like my 72 year old stepfather and the other 50% of the time he looks like he’s Lucha-Libre Rey and he’s flying around the ring.  I know it’s hard to do a solo, pop up window shoot about the Royal Rumble but the one Rey did was terrible.  Just let him wrestle and have the announcers pump up his Rumble entry.  I can’t recall a time when Rey’s been good on the mic.  If he hasn’t gotten it down by now, let’s chalk that up to it’s never happening.  Feel free to surprise me and change my mind.  I’ve only watched you for 10+ years and I can’t remember one good promo?  
16. The Big Show (11) – It’s hard for me to make fun of a guy who obviously went out of his way to make a special moment for a kid in the crowd.  On the other hand, I’d hate to disappoint all the people who think I’m a complete asshole, sooooo… to watch The Big Show lumber down to the ring with his pigeon-toed trot is either a fun exercise or the sign to go to the bathroom and/or make a sandwich (depending on your state of intoxication while watching RAW).  When will the WWE listen to “The Big Show is best in small doses?”  I thought they had the Big Show formula down when he beat Swagger in a few short minutes but then…it…just…had…to…go…on…and…on…  While I’m all for the humiliation of Zeb and any of the Real Americans, switching Big Show into the Big Joke never works for me.
17. The Real Americans w/ Zeb (13) – I do love Zeb’s new gimmick of the outrageously huge sign.  Throw in a slightly offensive pun on each side, and I’m in.  Sorry, I’m a sucker for old school evil managers.  Swagger quickly jobbed to Show but that wasn’t enough.  Oh no, we had to waste more time when Zeb got the world’s biggest “goosing” and then got knocked out.  Once again, the only smart one on this team is Cesaro for getting out of that situation ASAP. 
18. AJ Lee / Tamina vs Cameron / Naomi (20) – I know it’s my job to make sense of this thing we call wrestling but I don’t know what to make of this Divas match?  Was it good?  Was it a waste of time?  I’ll save you all and do the internalizing of whatever this is?  All I know is AJ having the record for title reign is good.  Also, AJ’s Harley Quinn act works perfectly as well and is the only time Tamina’s character is working, as her “heavy/enforcer.”
19. Ryback (17) – “Ryb-axel” is baaaa….. Look, I really don’t have the energy to write about these two nimrods.  The Ryback experience went off the rails a few months ago.  The only thing to make his gimmick work is pairing him up with Axel.  That’s only because Axel is so bad.  If the only thing I can point out as mildly watchable is that he sure has that stupid hand clap gesture down, you know you’re in trouble.   
20. Curtis Axel (18) – Mr. Perfect is flawlessly spinning in his grave.  Nuff said.

Honorable Mentions

Batista – No longer can I just make fun of the worst kept secret that the WWE tried to pull on us.  Batista would have been an awesome surprise entry on the Rumble but I also understand if they wanted to bring him out the week before.  Now his hype might be getting too big for him to live up to.  Am I the only person who remembers that Batista wasn’t that great?  There’s a reason he left the WWE and it wasn’t because of injury or a blossoming acting career.  Batista has been lucking in his roll of the Hollywood dice.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m curious to see Batista return and given time, I think he has a story to tell but we know he’s not going to be in the WWE long enough to tell any stories.  The Rock made a huge commitment and The Rock is a showman like no other.  Batista isn’t / was never near that level.  Expect for a great return moment but then let’s see what he and the WWE have in store for us.

The Ultimate Warrior – Wait a second, this needs more than just a little HM one liner… The Ultimate FUCKING Warrior is going to back on WWE television!?!?!?  God I loved him as a kid, and God is he out of his mind.  Trying to explain to my girlfriend, the insanity that was and is the Ultimate Warrior is impossible.  The classic clip from Arsenio is all you need to know about Ultimate Warrior and the possible alleged steroid use.  Does this look like a guy on steroids to you?

This is so big, I had to grab another screen shot.  I love the Standard Definition colors.  The Warrior was meant for SD.  High-Def just brings out his flaws.  Look at this beast and ask yourself  how anyone could not love this guy back in the Hogan era.  In the wild-west days of the 80’s and early 90’s you could get away with this.  Not in today’s WWE locker room.  

Side Note(s)

The WWE Network – We now know more info on what is essentially WWE-Netflix-ToGo.  Even better than just On Demand, its also 24-7 programming.  $9.99 per month and every, EVERY, PPV!  I’m sold just on that.  Yet again, because the WWE is willing to try everything and anything (for good or bad) to entertain the fans (and make money) the WWE will either have the model for the future of entertainment or at the very least make an impact on the next generation of home content delivery.  I love Bill Simmons and grantland.com.  On a recent BS Report, Bill and his friend Gus pointed out the innovations and fingerprints that McMahon’s failed XFL still has on today’s current NFL.  Maybe the XFL never had a chance against the NFL because it ultimately comes down to the level of competition and while the XFL had some quality players, they couldn’t compete with the rosters the NFL teams had.  But never let anyone tell you the XFL didn’t give the NFL a good scare.  On field cameras, more access to the players and techniques to try anything to be different and get more eyes on their product is still scene in the NFL today.  The Sky-cam and Hard Knocks probably aren’t around if not for the XFL. 

I’ll tell you one person who’s not hoping for a successful WWE Network launch?  Barack Obama!  If the WWE can pull off a successful and seamless launch after RAW on February 24th, god help us from the horrible jokes FOX News is going to try to make in comparing the WWE Network to healthcare.gov 

You probably never expected to read as much as you did regarding 1-2-3 Kid / X-pac as you did earlier.  Do yourself a favor, goggle X-Pac and you’ll find one of the top stories is “how he tore his anus” last year.  If not for bad luck, some people would have no luck at all.

Here's another great example of today's Cena crowd:

Until next week…