WWE Power Rankings, RAW 2/17/2014

Coming at you from Denver, I smoked a big fat bowl of “Sour Diesel Kush” so I could get in the same mindset as the fans in Colorado.  

Now where was I?  Right, we’re ranking the top potato chips… No?  Top candy?  No, that can’t be right because it’s Hot Tamales and nothing else.  What was I doing again?  Man, I’m hungry…  Is anyone else thirsty.  I’d give my left arm for an eye drop of water.  It’s as if all the moisture has left my body.  I think there’s a half bottle of Pepsi that’s been sitting in my car for a month; I’ll be right back.  I’m back but suddenly so, so, so sleepy.  Maybe a nap?  A quick nap sounds good…zzzzzzzzzzz  Wuh, huh, I’m up.  I’m up!

Oh yes, sorry, WWE Power Rankings!  Kids, say NO to drugs.  They’re a gateway…gateway to fun, being cool and having sex.  You don’t want a part of any of that, now do ya?!  Whatever you do, stay off the dope.  This has been a public service announcement from The BEAR.  

Enough fun and games, let’s get serious.  We’re just days away from the Elimination Chamber (EC) PPV and there’s no time to mess around.  Today we are going to talk about comic book characters!  That’s right, I’ve been underwhelmed with the last few weeks of RAW and what better way to liven things up than to mix two of my favorite things, wrestling and comic books.  It was going to be current TV characters but we’re early in the year and with shows like Banshee in mid-season and The Americans set to premier in a week, I’m going with a comic book themed mash-up tonight.  Fear not, I sense a TV mash-up coming very soon (there’s only so long that you can hold off the Bray Wyatt / Rust Cohle analogy).

We’re on the precipice of the penultimate PPV before WM30 (shit, I think I just used up all my big words for the night).  I’m torn.  While I’m usually a tad skeptical of openings that feature replays from the previous week, I’ll give tonight’s “cold open” with Cena the benefit of the doubt because we need to mix things up from previous week’s rhythms.  Although, recent history has been that the “go home show” prior to the PPV has been weak.  Stagnation is never a good thing so I’ll lean towards a little anarchy and say we need something a little different tonight.  With the PPV on Sunday, I assume the WWE needs to fit a lot into tonight’s show and I’m sure I’ll raise the word count with comic book references.  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 2/17/2014…

1. Bray and the Wyatt Family (1) are The Chunt Brothers – Starting off with a “deep cut.”  Minor characters out of Garth Ennis’ epic Preacher saga.  I had to dig to find a trio just as screw up and crazy as the Wyatts.  Close your eyes and picture “The Hills Have Eyes meets the LSU offensive line with a little bit of Duck Dynasty mixed in for flavor” and you’ve got the Wyatts and the Chunt Brothers.  Even the biggest Wyatt detractors must have been grateful for them to dismantle Los Matadores and Sin Cara.  The Wyatts took center stage and were included in at least three separate segments.  Even though I don’t generally like the Jumbo-tron promo, The Wyatts pulled off a great one.  The show finished up with a free-for-all and got everyone’s beak wet for this weekend’s Wyatt / Shield showdown.  I’m so excited, I’d pay just to watch this one match.  It should be tremendous.  The only thing that might take away from the match is that this is probably where The Shield finally breaks up.  I expect something to happen where The Shield members turn on each other and set up for a WM30 matchup.  But I’ve been saying this for the last two PPVs so hopefully I’m wrong again and the Shield and Wyatts put on a clean match.  This should be the main event at Elimination Chamber.  Who cares about the actual EC match?
   
2. The Shield (2) are Batman’s Robin(s) – I prefer to just call them the Bat-family.  They’re all awesome, they’re all trained to be the best, chosen to be the heir apparent of one of the trinity of DC legends, have a familial rivalry but when they come together are near unstoppable.  Reigns is clearly Dick Grayson, Rollins is Tim Drake and Ambrose steals the Damien Wayne slot.  Reigns / Grayson (Nightwing) is poised to be the heavyweight champion.  Everyone expects that when The Shield finally split, Reigns is the one who’s going to challenge to be one of the all time great Superstars.  He’s got what the WWE looks for; size, skill, looks, charisma, etc.  This isn’t taking anything away from the other two.  As a mark, I’m more interested in Rollins and especially Ambrose.  Fred “The Oracle” compares Rollins to Brian Pillman, who died before he could sustain true fame.  I think Ambrose could follow in the line of heels like Piper and Punk.  As Grayson has aged in the comics, he’s taken many of the traits that makes Batman so great.  He’s recently even dawned the roll of The Dark Knight while Bruce was dead / lost in time / somewhere (it’s comics) and filled in perfectly adding his own flavor like Reigns is set to do as the next Rock or HHH.  Rollins falls into the Tim Drake (Red Robin) role.  He may not have the size but he’s got all the skill that’s needed.  Rollins was the one of the three that people weren’t sure could make it as a singles wrestler but has proven to be more than capable in-ring and on the mic.  Ambrose is a brat just like Damien Wayne (Bruce’s son and latest Robin) and does everything he can to make you hate him but in the end it turns out he’s one of the best ever.  Whiny, arrogant and a little crazy but also extremely talented.  Ambrose is going to be the heel that every mark loves.  I’m so glad we’re going to get the Wyatt vs Shield match that EVERYONE’s been waiting for, and that’s been teased since Survivor Series, before The Shield breaks up.  Although it appears the end is near for The Shield as a whole, just like the Bat-family, I wouldn’t count out that they get back together when times are tough.  
3. Cesaro (9) is The Vision – Cesaro did his part to step up and claim the void at the top of the card but unfortunately, whether it was Cena or the WWE, it was decided that he not get the win on RAW.  A great match (and win) against RKO on Smackdown and another fantastic showing on RAW should indicate that Cesaro is getting a major push.  He’s still being shackled with the Real American gimmick but the problem is what else has he got?  Like Marvel’s The Vision, he’s the perfect android.  He’s everything you’d want from a technical wrestler and can put on great matches and pulls out top notch work from even the most burdensome opponents.  But what’s his persona?  Why should I cheer or boo him?  Being a part of Zeb’s Real Americans hasn’t helped him because he’s not…what’s the word…AMERICAN.  With Swagger, you can see that Zeb represents the white, good old boy, southern America or the conservative Tea Party.  Whatever you think of the gimmick is a different story but it works for Swagger’s brand, not for Cesaro.  It doesn’t make sense.  Assuming he’s got to make a split with The Real American tag team to go after the championship spot, what am I supposed to be cheering for?  I appreciate a well wrestled match but I don’t know what direction to go with Cesaro.  Normally I don’t like when the WWE tries to push a wrestler towards being a heel or face but with Cesaro, his character doesn’t move the needle in any direction.  In this occasion, I need some help.
   
4. John Cena (7) is SUPERMAN – Who else did you think I was going to compare Cena to?  Superman has been on a bit of a downswing in recent years.  All the various Superman comics have been average at best and with the rise of other characters, his popularity has waned with the hardcore fans.  Just as Cena is the true “Face of the WWE”, Superman is the face of DC Comics and the comic book industry in general.  The Superman logo is one of the top five most recognizable signs in the world.  Cheer for them or boo them, without Cena or Superman, each industry suffers when they’re not prominent.  This has only been reinforced of late when Cena was out for a short period of time and even marks like myself started to miss him.  As with Superman, while the new Man of Steel movie wasn’t great, it was serviceable and quickly pumped life into the dead Superman franchise.  Again, this week, Cena makes another “call to arms” to the rest of the WWE roster.  I have no problem with Cena calling out the roster and push them to step up but then when someone does step up like Cesaro did, to have him loose after putting on a spectacular match makes no sense.  What would it have mattered if Cena lost to Cesaro?  I’ll give Cena credit, with a lot help from Cesaro, he put on a great match.  Excellent reversal DDT and a shockingly good ending where Cena flipped onto Cesaro and then rolled up into the AA for the finish.  Quality work. 
5. Randy Orton (5) is Superboy Prime – (Any comic nerd will tell you that RKO’s doppelgänger is Marvel’s Ultimate comic’s Captain Mahr Vehl, but that’s probably too nerdy for our purposes but trust me that’s the first choice) Who is Superboy Prime? He’s a sick, twisted version of our dimension’s Superman.  He’s got all the powers and abilities of Superman but so desperately wants to be the best and garner all the accolades world’s greatest superhero should receive that he destroys everything around him and the world despises him.  RKO has the looks, the talent and the showmanship that should make the perfect face but it’s his arrogance and self entitlement that makes him the great heel that he is.  RKO and Cena are more alike than they are different.  It’s a thin like that separates kids and women cheering for Cena and anarchist older male marks cheer for RKO.  A thin line and the ability to wrestle (although this week Cena did have a good match).  The WWE has done just about everything to make you believe that RKO is going to loose at EC which makes me hold to the thought he’ll be victorious and face Batista at WM30.  It seems that’s what the WWE has had planned for months and my brain says they stick to the script.  
6. Jay of The Usos (3) are Scott (Cyclops) and Alex (Havok) Summers – Is it too lazy to grab the most famous mutant set of brothers for this mash-up?  Maybe but it works.  Admittedly, the Summers brother don’t get along as well as The Usos but when Cyclops and Havok are on the same page there are few forces on this earth or in the 616-universe that can withstand their onslaught.  The Usos are ready to win the tag belts.  This was only the second time that I could recall either of the Usos getting mic time and Jimmy was fine.  Jimmy is nowhere near Road Dogg’s mic talent but as was pointed out several times, he’s half RD’s age.  For Jimmy to hold his own was more impressive than Jay’s work in-ring against Mr. Ass.  I was hoping that The Usos wouldn’t have to wait until WM30 to get the tag straps and EC might just be their time.  Then again, WM30 isn’t that far off and it would be so special to win your first championship at the biggest show of the year.  Either way, if by the day after WM30, The Usos aren’t the tag champs, I’ll be pissed.  They’ve earned it.      
7. Billy Gunn of The New Age Outlaws (14) are Booster Gold (Gunn) and Blue Beetle (Dogg) – Once again we dip into the G/D/M Justice League days.  Just like the NAO, Booster Gold and Blue Beetle get better with age.  Even up until recently when (SPOILER) Blue Beetle had a bullet put through his head by Maxwell Lord (see, I told you Zeb was a bad guy) these two were still tearing through the DC universe and causing trouble.  Also like the NAO, BG and BB had the ability to kick ass.  I could have also gone with Quantum and Woody but let’s keep it old school for the Old Age Outlaws.  Surprisingly they won the title and even more surprisingly they’ve been able to defend it.  They’ve had their fun.  Gunn and Dogg have been able to stand in the center of the ring one more time but now it’s time to give up the tag title to the next generation of Superstars.  I tip my cap to the NAO and thank them for their hard work. 
8. Daniel Bryan (6) is Marvel’s Hawkeye – There’s no better, cooler and more fun comic than Matt Fraction’s current take Hawkeye.  Even before Fraction’s current Hawkeye run, Marvel’s purple marksman has been on a hot streak.  Don’t let his diminished roll in the Avenger movie fool you.  In the comic books, Hawkeye is one of the top characters.  Even though he’s basically a normal dude (except he’s said to “always hit his target” or some bullshit like that), between his rolls in the Ultimate universe, Avengers and Secret Avengers he’s become a huge fan favorite.  He’s the smart, witty underdog that puts everything on the line even when he’s facing off against aliens, gods and super villains who should easily kick his ass.  Should Bryan have a chance against Cena, RKO or Kane?  No but what he lacks in strength he makes up for in skill and willpower.  Look, I can’t really explain why Bryan and Hawkeye are so popular.  Both characters just have that “it” factor.  Combined with the talent and unrelenting drive that an underdog must have, they’ve made it impossible for the WWE and Marvel to NOT put them in main events and on the Avengers.  While it seems that Bryan has taken CM Punk’s place as foil to HHH, it also wouldn’t shock me if Bryan wins the title at the EC match or is somehow placed as part of the main event at WM30.  Talk about being an underdog?  Bryan’s chances of beating both Batista and RKO in some variation of a championship match would be incredible.  And the fans would be screaming YES! YES! YES! the whole time.
9. Big E Langston (N/A) is Luke Cage – It strange to say this about a real man vs a comic book character but I think Big E is more muscular than Luke Cage has ever been drawn.  Both seem indestructible.  Both started off as bad guys / paid enforcers turned face.  Both are now getting huge pushes.  Big E has the IC belt and 2014 is set to be a breakout year for Mr. Langston (which has now been dropped from his official name).  Luke Cage has been involved in all the recent Avenger books for the past few years and is on the short list to be made into a series on Netflix through a deal that Netflix has with Disney.  I’m constantly impressed with Big E.  The logistics of a 2 on 1 match are tough, Big E and 2-of-3MB were able to pull the match off and keep it quick and interesting.  A job well done.  
10. Mark Henry (15) is The Thing – I tried not to overthink this.  It was a tough call between The Thing and The Hulk.  Any fan of Mark Henry can tell you that underneath the monster lies a sweet gentle soul that’s ready to laugh and be a part of the joke.  Ben “The Thing” Grimm was bestowed the body of a monster but deep down he’s the heart and soul of the Fantastic Four.  Sure, when the need arises, both Grimm and Henry can take the persona of an unstoppable wrecking machine but they can also have fun and be one of the guys. Whether it’s practical joking with Johnny Storm or being the ringleader of the superhero underground card game, The Thing is more than just brute force.  The same can be said for Henry.  Who impregnated Mae Young with a hand?  Who was Sexual Chocolate?  Who had everyone fooled that he was retiring last year only to pull one of the greatest double crosses in WWE history?  Mark Henry.  Henry’s not really involved in any current storyline but was a perfect opponent to help set up, what seems to be, The Shield’s final run before splintering during the Wyatt / Shield match at EC.
    
11. Korporate Kane (19) is Deathstroke – When Kane is wearing the mask, he’s the monster.  Just like when Deathsroke is wearing the mask he’s the worlds deadliest assassin.  Take off the mask and Kane become a shrewd korporate heel.  Under Deathstroke’s mask is Slade Wilson, a man who can use up to 90% of his brain’s power (while we normals use something like just 3%).  Similarly, Kane and Deathstroke are never as great as we remember.  Both characters always seem to be in the shadows and seem to be a huge threat but then they come out, do their thing and usually end up on the loosing end.  Kane only won the WWE championship once at a PPV and ended up loosing it the next night.  Could this pic be proof of a greater conspiracy?  Kane, with a CM Punk sign and picture of a wolf (as in a wolf hidden in Korporate clothing)?  Huh?  Huh?  Or maybe I just need to go to sleep.
    
12. Sheamus (10) is X-O Manowar – You may not know X-O Manowar, a Valiant publication, but trust me when I tell you that it’s awesome.  I loved it in the 90’s and since they’ve re-launched it, its been even better.  He’s probably too cool of a character to be compared to Sheamus but it’s the closest thing I can think of.  One’s a Visigoth warrior abducted by aliens and finds a suit of alien technology which turns him into an unstoppable weapon.  The other is the “Celtic Warrior” who is easily stopped by the fear that he might spontaneously combust if hit by direct sunlight.  Cheap shot, I know.  Watching him wrestle against RKO (one of the most well tanned men in the WWE) makes you doubt that they’re both part of the same Caucasian race.  Cheap shots about skin coloring is about all I have.  Sheamus has only been back for a few weeks and hasn’t done much.  He’s been thrown into the EC and has no shot of winning.  I’m guessing he’ll start up a feud with one of the other EC participants and that’s who’ll he’ll battle with through WM30.
13. Christian (10) is The Winter Soldier – SPOILER, the Winter Soldier is Bucky Barnes (former Captain America sidekick).  Presumed dead, Bucky lived and was brainwashed to being a villain (I’ll leave it vague so as not to spoil the upcoming Cap2 movie too much).  Christian was once partners with Edge and they had some great runs together.  Edge had to retire due to injury but Christian remained and had to find his footing as a singles wrestler.  Like the Winter Soldier, Christian has found new life as being the villain.  Assuming that all the other EC match participants defeat RKO, Christian was the only one to not get a clean win over the champion prior to the EC match.  RKO’s win over Christian was either a mistake, it’s a red herring that could lead to a surprising win at EC or nothing at all.  Edge was seen as the “star” when their tag team broke up but Christian proved to be the better wrestler.  Besides, you’ve got to give Christian credit for being brave enough to mock Bryan’s YES! chant.  I’m only half joking but it sure seems like the other wrestlers are afraid to come out against Daniel Bryan but not Christian.
    
14. SAN-TIN-OOOOOO w/ Emma (16) are Guy Gardner and Ice – These two love birds come straight out of the Giffen / DeMatteis / Maguire - Justice League days.  Guy Gardner is absolutely one of the most underrated superheroes in the DC universe, just as Santino is one of the most underrated and underused wrestlers in the WWE.  At this point, I doubt we’ll ever get a sustained “serious” run for Santino.  If you ever get a chance to watch him in a real match, not just some goof or prop match, you’ll see a wrestler with real talent.  Hell, even in some of the goofy matches he’s put in, they’re fun to watch because Santino is so good.  The fact that he’s never broken his stupid Santino Marella character is testament to how committed the performer is.  Now he seems to have yet another romantic fling starting with new Diva, Emma.  We’ll have to see if these two crazy kids can make it last…  
    
15. Fandango w/ Summer Rae (17) are Sebastian Shaw and Emma Frost – A powerful and fierce competitor in the ring but wrapped in the pageantry and flare of Dancing with the Stars, Fandango fits perfectly with old school X-men villain The Black King, Sebastian Shaw.  Forget the movie version, the comic version has Shaw (one of the most powerful mutants ever) dressed in a victorian-era costume and looks like one of our founding fathers, wig and all.  Back before she became head mistress of The School for Gifted Youngsters, Emma Frost was the White Queen and was romantically involved with Shaw as one of the most evil power couples in the Marvel universe.  Continuing with their current dancing / wrestling feud with Santino and Emma, Fandango took it upon himself to cockblock the new love bird’s first kiss.  What kind of asshole doesn’t root for love?   
    
16. Jack Swagger (9) is Jack “Nomad” Monroe – Nomad was Marvel’s weird / emo version of Captain America.  Needless to say it didn’t work.  AAAAAANNNNNDDDD he-was-recently-killed-and-stuffed-the-trunk-of-a-car.  But never mind all that.  Point is, Nomad is the dark / 90’s portrayal of Cap because the All American version was thought to be to goody-goody for the flannel wearing grunge audience.  Swagger goes from The All-American American to The Real American.  Captain America is now patrolling the boarder and el kabong-ing illegals with his shield.  Swagger is caught in a bit of a pickle.  You can’t really go back to the super aggressive / macho bully jock (see Zeb’s ranking on those pitfalls) and I don’t see the extreme right / Tea Party gimmick lasting (but what do I know, I’m a west coast city liberal).  Swagger is served as a douce.  In 2014 it’s hard to be a douce and not offend some group.  Offending groups is not usually what public corporations set out wanting to do.  BUT, as I say that, if the WWE totally embraces the “entertainment” aspect of wrestling (entertainment, not sport, is what they claim to be) then why can’t they write a bigoted / insensitive character?  If they’re going to play middle of the road, then they’re never going to get a big pop up or down.  What better way to start the racist douce character off than against Big E in a battle for the IC belt.  Seems like Swagger is going to get crushed.  That’s my prediction. 
17. Kofi Kingston (N/A) is Daredevil – This one is too easy.  Is there any question who’d be Daredevil?  Kofi is the most athletically gifted performer in the WWE right now.  He’s going nowhere but he’s the most exciting wrestler going nowhere.  From his amazing spots at Royal Rumble and TLC PPVs to his weekly high energy matches, Kofi is the best.  It’s a shame he’s being buried along with the likes of Ziggler and The Miz.  I might have thought that his friendship with CM Punk might be the reason WWE isn’t giving Kofi anything to do but they weren’t giving him anything to do prior to Punk’s departure.  I’m happy that Cesaro is getting a well deserved push but what does Kofi have to do to get a push?  There’s a call to all wrestlers to step up and fill the main event card, but meanwhile Kofi sitting there jobbing to Jack fucking Swagger.  Kofi’s got more charisma and character than Cesaro already.  Just give Kofi a little bit of that mean streak he had a few years ago, along with his in-ring abilities, he’s ready for the top tier.  
18. Zeb Colter (9) is Maxwell Lord – Who?  Just the evil villain who posed at the head of the Justice League for a short time and who as leader of Checkmate tried to use his mind control powers to destroy the heavyweights of the real Justice League, by ohhhhh just taking over Superman’s mind and having him beat the crap out of Batman.  Nothing big or anything.  A threat so huge that Wonder Woman felt the need to twist his head like a MAGlight flashlight.  I enjoy making fun of the Tea Party as much as the next liberal (Colter is meant to be a heel representation of all that’s bad with the Tea Party and the Hard Right) but I’ll forgo standing on my soapbox this time and stick straight with Zeb’s managing worries.  Both his horses of the Fox News apocalypse are heading in opposite directions.  Cesaro, who was always an odd reach to toss in with The Real American gimmick, could be ditching Zeb for his shot towards the main event.  Meanwhile, a few weeks ago, to keep up his heel persona (due to the “we the people” chant starting to catch on in a good way - scary, I know) Zeb started smacking around his football-type player in Swagger in order to “motivate” him.  This plot was a little iffy for the WWE to go down with their huge support of non bullying and everyone is special campaigns.  It certainly isn’t going to work while the Jonathan Martin / Richie Incognito / Miami Dolphins storm is still swirling and picking up steam AND the debates by sports talking-heads argue over locker room and team working conditions with Michael Sam, the first openly gay football player, about to enter the NFL draft.  In years past, all this controversy would have been low hanging fruit for Vince and staff to exploit but PG / publicly owned WWE is a much different environment.  Cesaro leaves for greener pastures and Swagger bolting because he stands up for himself, might leave Zeb without a team to coach?  Who could he possibly join up with and use his heel powers of persuasion and would create the oddest of odd couples????  Oh, Oh, I know!  ADR!!!!  Crazier things have worked.
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
19. 2 of 3MB - Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre (N/A) are The Great Lake Avengers – In every comic book company there’s a team of losers.  DC, Marvel, Image, Valiant, etc. it doesn’t matter, they all have a handful of stupid characters that need their own support group.  While you might whisper the “great lakes” part, you can still say you’re an AVENGER!  3MB continues to cash WWE checks.  No matter what I say or how I make fun of them, I’d trade spots with them in two-seconds.  There’s no messing around right before a PPV.  Tonight, they brought out the big time jobbers. 
20. Los Matadores w El Torito and Sin Cara (N/A) are the original Skrull team, since turned into cows – The Skrulls are a race of shapeshifting aliens.  Their original scouting party sent to earth consisted of four Skrulls.  Yada, yada, yada…Mr. Fantastic tricked them into shapeshifting into cows and wiped their memory which left them stuck as cows.  The divine hand of god could not a better comic book mash-up have been planned.  The Matadors, their bull and the person calling himself “Sin Cara” were all formerly different people and wrestlers.  Like Reed Richards did with the original Skrulls, Vince McMahon has somehow tricked all four humans into portraying absurd characters and has wiped any kind of self-respect or dignity from their temporal lobes.  I imagine that these four guys walk around in full costume 100% of the time.  I don’t even believe that these four think they’re anything other than their characters.  Traveling from town to town, only stopping where the WWE tells them that their services are needed.  Rodeo clowns that are never able to wipe off the makeup.  I don’t know where they’ve been hiding the last few weeks but luckily The Wyatts were able to send them back their livestock trailer.
    

Honorable Mentions

#BadNewsBarrett – Get. In. The. Fucking. Ring.

Goldust and Cody Rhodes ( ) – Finally a Rhodes brother promo!  So what kind of promo do we finally get after all this time having Goldust silent?  A toy commercial.  That’s right, a toy commercial!  Sometimes you’ve got to wonder who’s signing off on the smaller segments.  Not only do they throw Goldust and Cody into some weird childhood flashback but they have The Gold One in near full Goldust weirdness.  Again, trying to sell knockoff Lego toy sets.  In this PG world the WWE performs by, no one is told what’s the deal with Goldust.  He’s just “weird” and they can barely say that because they don’t want to offend anyone who may be part of Facebook’s 56 gender options.  By the time Goldust was talking about butterfly wings on his pet hamster Gerdie, I thought he was referring to a Smashing Pumpkins album.

Titus O’Neil – For his first solo promo shoot, it wasn’t half bad.  He looked great in his suit which we all know is half the battle.  I’m surprised they’re breaking up the Primetime Players seeing as how it seems The Usos will be the champs soon and will need an opponent.  What’s done is done.  I expect a good match between Titus and Darren Young.  Quick question; how can Darren Young’s nickname be No Days Off when I haven’t seen him wrestle in about two months?  They may want to wait to bust that nickname out until after he’s had a run of at least two weeks in a row being on TV.  Just saying.

HHH / Batista / Alberto Del Rio – What ADR should be saying is, “If this is the stupid shit I have to put up with, I’m not waiting until my contract is up, I’m quitting right now!”  Unfortunately, ADR can’t curse and I think he’s going to keep cashing those checks.  I know rumors are that ADR will retire but I doubt it.  He’s too good and he makes good money.  He’s another one, like Kofi, who can easily step up to the Cena locker room callout but is jobbing to a lesser foe in Batista.  Speaking of Batista, I love this screen shot.  Not only does it have The Shield coming down from crowd but someone has the greatest Batista “Boo This Man” sign.

Ron Simmons – I caught the tail end of his career and mostly saw him as the leader of The Nation and half of the APA.  Even near the end, Simmons was known to be one of the stiffest wrestlers in the biz.  To see him battle Vader (another notoriously stiff wrestler) for the championship makes me think those must have been some of the roughest matches.  That pales in comparison to think that it was Ron Simmons who was the first black wrestler to win the world championship.  Yes, I know it’s all fake and planned out.  Which makes it even worse that no black wrestler had won the world championship prior to Simmons.  This pic doesn’t do it justice but the kid in the front row leaps from about five rows back and almost clears the metal barricade when he’s jumping around over Simmons’ win.

Side Note(s)

‘The Elimination Chamber can end the career of any Superstar’ paraphrasing Mr. Cena.  I’m sick of hearing this bullshit.  It was cute at first, when we first started seeing combatants entering daunting structure, but it’s not been around for 12 years and no one’s career, life or reputation has been destroyed by the EC.  “Hell in a Cell” still carries weight because we’ve seen awesome and gruesome matches that literally seemed like hell.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking to be thrown around a Chamber any time soon.  There just isn’t a match that sticks out in my mind where I can say, “OHHHH, do you remember that time when ______ did _______ to _______ in the Elimination Chamber.”  I’ll give you three guesses to who won the EC match last year… yeah, I couldn’t remember either.  It was Jack Swagger, who’s now a part of The Real American tag team.  That win sure propelled him over the last 12 months.  (here’s my umpteenth plead to the world for sarcasm type!)

Until Next Week…