Coming at you from Omaha, OMAHA! (too soon Manning fans?), and like, OMG, this totally, like, has been the most cray cray of weeks EVER. I’m like trippin’ amaze balls. Ma’ brain is like totally rolling molly and I’m ‘bout to Euro drop in white snow.
Let’s not pretend this has been some ordinary week, people. There’s an 800 lbs gorilla in the room that needs to be addressed. Last week, the first thing that I posted was that CM Punk absence from RAW was strange and that I’d have to look into what might have been the reason. I certainly didn’t expect this storm of internet rumors and speculation that I was bombarded with. Wednesday morning came, and like Commissioner Gordon, my dear friend Fred “The Oracle” sends up the emergency Bat-signal to everyone that CM Punk quit the WWE! 7 am my phone starts blowing up. By the afternoon, I’d heard every rumor and pundit’s best guess to what was going on between CM Punk and the WWE. Because the wrestling rumor mill mainly feeds off itself, I take everything with a grain of salt. Until I actually heard CM Punk himself make a statement, I would wait to fully believe anything. I was the one consenting voice that questioned this and thinks it might just be the best work of all time. Through out the week, I’ve flip-flopped depending on which article I’ve read or clip I’ve watched on YouTube. All I know for sure is that this is very weird and we have not seen the end of CM Punk / WWE story.
One last note on Punk before we begin. The crowd was consistently chanting for CM Punk. If there truly was a break up, the WWE has ways of drowning out the crowd for the TV audience and maybe HHH or another heel would say something like, “he doesn’t work here anymore,” or “he can’t help you now.” Also, look at this crowd shot. It’s littered with Punk and Cena signs. Which leads me to…
Adding to the strange-ness, and I’m not yet saying these things are related, but Cena was a no-show on tonight’s RAW. Once again, I’ll have to consult The Oracle to see if this was merely a night off or another huge rumor filled week. You’d think that with all the rumors about Punk circulating the internet, the WWE would put their true “Face of the WWE” front and center. Very odd and very interesting. FYI, the Usos were not seen either. Not as big of an absence because just the other week they didn’t make it onto RAW but they’ve been pushed to the forefront of late and it’s hard to understand why Cena and the Usos wouldn’t be on the show?
We could spend hours debating and going through all the rumors and reasons for this Punk / WWE “feud” but this is not the time. There’s too much great action going on by people who are actually in the ring and participating on WWE programming that we shouldn’t get distracted by just one wrestler. At least, not yet. With everything swirling around and the WWE possibly changing story lines of the fly, if you’re to believe the Punk rumors, I felt it was necessary to watch Smackdown this week as well. Per usual, not nearly the show RAW is but had some interesting tidbits that will surely show up on tonight’s RAW and pertain to the next PPV, The Elimination Chamber (EC). So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 2/03/2014…
- The Shield (2) – Another day, another great showing from The Shield. Almost by default The Shield gets the top spot again. It’s amazing that week after week, the WWE can make us “Believe in The Shield” and that they’re one unbreakable team and in the same night show outright displays of contention between the members. The WWE isn’t just planting seeds, they’re breaking bats over our heads made out of trees of discord. One moment they’re destroying their opponents and then just as they’re about to win, Ambrose steals the win from Reigns which leads to Rollins playing peacekeeper. Can The Shield keep it together for their match against The Wyatt Family? I don’t know? That’s what makes their run so great. The Shield later pulled an awesome switch-a-roo by doing their own jumbo-tron promo on The Wyatts (dare I say they did it better?) which only showed their solidarity.
- Bray and The Wyatt Family (1) – I’ll always argue against jumbo-tron promos, especially when they’re “speaking” to an in-ring opponent. But this was one of the few Wyatt promos that made sense (relatively). Their match against Ziggler, R-Truth and Woods was fine but we can’t get to their match with The Shield soon enough. Overall, the Wyatts don’t have the same depth as The Shield but that’s not to say they can’t have a good match. While Rowan and Harper aren’t nearly as skilled at Bray, they’re big. They’re REALLY big and have proven to be impressive, albeit raw (no pun intended), and hard working competitors. For the first time, the Wyatts will outsize Ambrose, Rollins and Reigns. Have I mentioned how I can’t wait for this match!
- Daniel Bryan (3) – Have the corporate winds of change reached Daniel Bryan? I like the idea of Bryan vs Undertaker but there’s been nothing to suggest that will happen, only vague internet rumors (or desire). If Bryan was to take Punk’s place against HHH at WM30 why would HHH / Stephanie, now, want to dip their toe in the Bryan as “Face of the WWE” waters? Is it all part of another big work or something more straight forward? My girlfriend asked me, “What makes Bryan so popular?” I couldn’t come up with one singular reason. I don’t know why his YES YES YES chant has caught on or why he’s such a fan favorite? Is it because he’s the underdog of underdogs? Is it because his chant is so easy and contagious (reminiscent of SCSA’s WHAT chant)? It couldn’t only be his wrestling skills because there are other great wrestlers (i.e. Ziggler, Cesaro or Kofi) that can’t pull a pop from the crowd like Bryan gets. She gave me a question I can’t answer. I guess that’s why it’s been so hard for the WWE to get behind Bryan. Its like the WWE found a kilo of cocaine but doesn’t know how to “step on it” to turn a bigger profit and doesn’t know any cocaine users to properly sell it to. Maybe now the WWE has figured Bryan out and is turning Stephanie into Nino Brown.
- Randy Orton (4) – You have to give RKO credit for going out to the ring with a hot crowd screaming for CM Punk. He came out and ignored all the Punk chants and put on a solid shoot against Batista BTW, is it any clearer that RKO is winning the EC match? His opponents are Cena (whose going to loose so that he can go on to fight Bray Wyatt at WM30), Big E (who is not going to win), Bryan (who is the only competitor to have a chance at this point, even with the win on RAW I still doubt he’ll win at EC), Christian (still coming out of the McMahon doghouse, this is more of a chance to raise his Q-Score) and Cesaro (both he and I have the same chance of winning). All of this seems to lead to a RKO vs Batista match at WM30. Having Bryan win the match might be the start of a huge monkey wrench in the RKO / Batista WM30 matchup. You’re not going to hear any complaints from me about that. Right now RKO / Batista is third or forth on my WM main event rankings. Back to the actual RAW match (you can see my opinion regarding clean losses by Champs in the HHH / Stephanie ranking), this was one of the best RKO matches in quite some time. Even with some interference by Kane, RKO still lost the match. I still question Kane’s veracity when it comes to hurting Bryan due to their long history (team Hell No / both being abducted by The Wyatt Family).
- The New Age Outlaws (12) – Now THIS was a NAO crowd. Much better than last week’s crowd. Omaha clearly remembers the late 90’s better than Cleveland. A steel cage match between the NAO and the Rhodes brothers seem to come out of nowhere but I’ll take it. It took a little while to get rolling but considering 3/4 of the participants were kicking ass in the late nineties, it was a fine match. I still wonder why the NAO are champs in the first place and why are they still holding onto the belts? They can’t possibly be back full time or for an extended period, can they be? The next logical question is who are they going to drop the belts to and when? The Usos? They too were a no show last night? Very strange.
- Goldust and Cody Rhodes (9) – In another rematch for the tag team championship, this week the “brothers” find themselves in a cage to keep from any outside interferences. The match started a little slow but by the third TV segment, the match really took off. I couldn’t believe Cody went for and took such a huge bump on a RAW show. It barely looked like Road Dogg broke Cody’s fall from the top of the cage. It seemed like Cody might have actually broke / hurt his arm? Maybe I just can’t believe an unbraced moonsault from the top of a cage could result with no bodily harm. I’m nervous when I hop down from a lifted truck, let alone backflip blindly from 30+ feet. The Rhodes boys seem to be in limbo between dropping the straps and the brother vs brother plot.
- Sheamus (8) – After a strong return at the Rumble and earning a slot in the EC match, Sheamus is looking for his groove. He and the crowd seem to want him as a face but you get the feeling the WWE want’s him to be a heel? Facing off against Axel is a sure fire way to get a win and destroy someone. Naturally, I’d expect his next win to be against Ryback to show he can take on a heavyweight. (Look Ma, we’ve found a use for Ryb-Axel) I can’t complain too much about a lack of direction for Sheamus. In just two weeks, he’s returned from a long injury layoff and is already involved in the main match at EC. If by after the EC match, we don’t have a better idea of where Sheamus is going, then I’ll start my complaining.
- Christian (N/A) – One of the carryover items from Smackdown was the win Christian had over Swagger to earn a spot in the EC match. Congrats to Christian for sticking around. While I’m not a fan of Christian, I know he’s been part of some great TLC matches and can certainly help make the EC match as entertaining as possible, even thought I highly doubt the Championship belt will be changing hands before WM30. This at least gives guys like Christian and Cesaro a chance to raise their profiles.
- Rey Mysterio / Kofi Kingston / Big E Langston (17/13) – A big chance for these three wrestlers. IF Kofi and Big E are the future, what better than to let them be showcased vs The Shield. At the same time, they can throw Rey out there and let him do one or two Rey things to make it seem like he can still wrestle a full match. If Rey needs to go any longer than a few minutes, his magic drops off immensely. Big E got a good run in the match. I couldn’t tell exactly when but Reigns caught a solid hit and busted open his eyebrow. Since going PG on all their programing, the WWE has been very cautious about blood but over the past few weeks it seems that someone has accidentally gotten cracked open on each show. What concussions are to football, blood is to wrestling. Try as you might to legislate it out, sometimes you just can’t avoid it.
- Titus O’Neil (N/A) – Another bit of news from Smackdown was that Titus and Darren Young had their big split. Surprising because in this “golden age” of tag teams, and other than the Usos, I was under the impression that the PTP were next to get their tag push. First guess is that the WWE needs more heavyweight faces and Titus could be that BUT the way he broke up with Darren Young would lead you to believe he’s going to be heel? Secondly, I stated that when Darren Young came “out of the closet” right before SumerSlam last year, he guaranteed himself at least six months employment. That six months is almost up. If I were Young, I’d start beating that LBGT drum again to make sure I didn’t become the Marty Jannetty of the group. As disappointing as it is to see the Primetime Players break up, it’s not really earth shattering. I’ve grown to like their gimmick but that was mainly due to both of their charisma and wrestling skills and less to do with their storyline(s). I believe this idea was brought up at one of my wrestling parties, and was agreed that it would probably never work in 2014, but if Titus, Big E and a returning Mark Henry wanted to start up a new version of The Nation??? That might be interesting and devastating.
- Batista (10) – Maybe it’s just coincidence that Batista is back in his “Canadian Tuxedo” which is the precursor to heel Batista? Let’s hope and pray. Good-guy Batista is no fun. I do enjoy Batista’s affinity and ability to embrace his own signage each week. Really? That’s what my Batista analysis has come to? The only decent thing I can say is that he likes signs? Whew, this is headed toward a train wreck. Add Lesnar, add Bryan, add Sting, Hulk Hogan, the entire TNA and Ring of Honor rosters if it will make Batista vs RKO even 1% more interesting. They need something. We deserve something better.
- Alberto Del Rio (15) – Besides from Batista and ADR having the best dressed shoot of the night, I had to rewind twice because I kept falling asleep. What really got me upset was right before ADR came out to do a heel shoot, he was in a charity commercial for the WWE. I understand we’re done with the Kayfabe days of wrestling and we all know there’s the performer and the real life dude. I don’t believe the Wyatts crawled out of the swamp and surely the Undertaker is alive and well, not entombed waiting for WM30 to roll around. But can we keep the goodwill promos away from the segment of the show where the wrestler has to be an asshole heel? BTW, Nice shoot against Batista’s movie aspirations. Those are the type of things ADR should be doing and putting on solid matches, not just getting Batista bombed like a chump.
- R-Truth / Xavier Woods / Dolph Ziggler (20/14) – Why, oh why, did Ziggler have to be involved in this dismantling. The crowd chanting “We want Ziggler,” is definitely something I can get behind. If the WWE is all about what’s best for business these days, please listen to the crowd and let go of whatever heinous thing Ziggler did and stop burying him. Ziggler made Harper look like a skilled vet. Ziggler also gave a great backstage shoot at Smackdown. Unlike Bryan, where the WWE is trying to figure out what to do with him, Ziggler is a natural heel. He’s already won the World Championship, so you know he can work well while wearing the belt. To me, he’s a classic champ along the lines of Ric Flair. A “showoff,” arrogant, can take and exaggerate bumps and is willing to lie, steal and cheat to keep a title. Just give him one already. As for Truth and Woods, they’re fine. Both have athletic abilities that are more than serviceable. What are you going to do with them? That’s the problem. The feud that should have launched them (or killed them) was with Brodus Clay. That’s the $64,000 question; What happen to Brodus Clay? He turned heel. He’s a heavyweight with considerable skill. He hasn’t been on air in over a month?
- HHH and Stephanie (7) – Begrudgingly Stephanie acquiesce to the crowd and give them the RKO vs Bryan match that everyone’s been asking for. You’d have to be a fool to believe that Bryan was going to get a fair shot, especially at a weekly RAW show? Silly me, the WWE proved me that I’m the fool, again. See, when I heard that RKO would have to battle Daniel Bryan to see who was worthy of being the “Face of the WWE” I just assumed this was a title match. Why would I assume something so stupid as an actual match counting for something? Maybe that’s because this is how it’s been for EVER! These are not blacked out house shows. These are on televised RAW episodes! Obviously no one has heard my calls to put an end to the farce of champions loosing matches on clean pins but still retaining their belts, and it’s not like I’m going to stop watching wrestling, so my only option is punishing HHH and Stephanie with a heavily penalized ranking position. I’m sorry. I loved Stephanie’s opening. I loved that HHH joined in on the YES YES YES chant (whether sincerely or tauntingly). I’m sorry, you two must be punished.
- Jack Swagger w/ Cesaro and Zeb (16) – Two losses in a row to Christian by Swagger. Both times there has been tension between Swagger and Zeb. Meanwhile, Cesaro is playing it smart and just hanging out after stamping his ticket to the EC match. I touched on it last week. I don’t really care what’s happening with The Real Americans and Zeb but their semi-racist / initially shoot towards the Tea Party is starting to catch on with the crowd (as seen by how many fans chant along with “We The People”). Sure, in some electoral districts, Zeb would have his like minded followers but in general he’s supposed to be a true heel. To keep him that way, they’re now going to play the extreme Bobby Knight / over the top coach card to keep him as a consummate heel.
- Divas match: Naomi vs Oksana ( ) – Look what happens when you go out and make the best of your chances, slowly you’ll rise up the rankings. Easy-peasy. Once again Naomi shows some real skill in the ring. Oksana wasn’t bad either. The real joy of this match was to get AJ in on the announce mic again. She’s the top dog in the Divas division and even though she’s the smallest girl, she’s the one carrying the division. Inside or outside the ring, she’s the one I want to see.
- SAN-TIN-OOOOOOOO (N/A) – “Look, Fandingo!” Oh, Santino. You had me at hello…
- Fan-dan-go and Summer Rae (19) – You’d think that above anyone in the WWE Universe these two would easily win a dance contest but little did they know they’d be going against the great Santino.
- Curtis Axel w/ Ryback (N/A) – The absolute disrespect to the memory of Mr. Perfect by Axel wearing this shirt is astonishing. “Better than Perfect?” Who knows what the future will hold but to defile your dad’s legacy while you’re performing so sub-standardly is horrible. The only good thing about the Ryb-Axel combo is that if they job to you, you can a win over the “technical” Axel and then the “bruiser” Ryback. They’re actually the perfect jobbing tandem.
- Zack Ryder (N/A) – A fan favorite but unfortunately he became a lamb to the Titus O’Neil slaughter. I believe this is the Broski’s first match on RAW in over six months. I’d rather see him jobbing than any member of 3MB. When I complain about how thin the WWE roster is, it’s because I forget about the half dozen or so guys who are cashing checks each week but only see TV time every now and then. The problem isn’t a thin roster (the rumble proved there could have been 40 guys if they wanted to) it’s that the WWE roster is lacking star power at the top. They’ve got bodies. They just don’t have more than 4 or 5 main event level guys. This was another reason to get rid of the two “championship” belts. It was becoming too obvious that one was the first tier champion and the other was barely a notch above the US or IC champions.
Honorable Mentions
Ernie Lad – In a nice tribute for Black History Month, the WWE did a surprisingly classy job of honoring “The Big Cat.”
#BadNewsBarrett – GET. IN. THE. FUCKING. RING!!!! Until then, I have nothing to say.
#EMMA-lution – One of the new NXT Divas. I don’t know what page it’s on, in the ancient book of wrestling, where it says, “When in doubt, have the wrestler dance like a fool,” but that page needs to be torn out and burned.
Side Note(s)
I have no problem promoting the WWE Network but I can take NO more of the announcers showing us how to download the app. Retarded children know how to download apps. My mother knows how to download apps. By your own account, over 10 million people have downloaded you app. Stop with the constant schilling of the WWE app. I’m more than happy to hear about the WWE Network. If the app somehow ties into the Network, then ok but so far they have not made that connection. Even if they did, NO ONE NEEDS TO SHOW US HOW TO DOWNLOAD AN APP! Just tell us to down load the WWE app and check out what you’ll see on it. This isn’t brain surgery.
Here’s my few quick notes to why I don’t feel CM Punk really quit the WWE. These are in no particular order:
- He’s very smart and wouldn’t this be ideal for him to pull an elaborate work. When he won the championship against from Cena, he was the taking the “stolen” belt all round Chicago and various other stops (including his refrigerator) until it was announce he resigned with the WWE.
- Punk has never shied away from the cameras or radio or internet, so if this is real why hasn’t there been a huge tell all interview?
- For all his greatness, Punk is like any good artist…Arrogant / Prima Donna. It’s not absurd to think he’s been hurt and somewhat underused, and just needs his ego stroked a little by the WWE brass. Fly out to Chicago and make him feel needed.
- He’s only got six months until his real contract ends. You’re telling me that Punk can’t last until July to decided to retire?
- Which leads me to…He makes about 2 - 3 million a year (per online estimates) and he’s going to pass up those last few large paychecks just because he’s unhappy with the direction of his character?
- He understands this business. I don’t believe that he can’t see the value to the company when returning wrestlers like The Rock or even Batista come back to the WWE, even part time. Batista is supposedly full time for the next year or so and you can’t deny what The Rock brings in as far as draw and exposure. There’s merit it being unfair to hard working, full time wrestlers who get pushed down in favor of part time Lesnars of the world but the WWE is running a business. Lesnar puts asses in seats and PPV buys.
- The rumored storyline for WM30 was HHH vs Punk. That’s more exciting than RKO vs Batista and surly would have been in the top three of main events. Punk wan’t mid-carding WM30.
Then again, with Punk, who knows. He’s the one guy I wouldn’t put it past to pick up his ball and go home.
Until next week…
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