WWE Power Rankings, RAW 7/28/2014

Coming at you from Houston, and some weeks the WWE / RAW / Wrestling can be great, some weeks it can be horrible, some weeks it can be exciting and some weeks it can be boring.  Then there are weeks like this one.  Weeks that just are-what-they-are and there’s not much to say.

The world is in a funk.  It’s the dog days of July.  It’s hot across the country.  The economy is stagnant (which is the nicest way to put it).  There’s turmoil all over the planet.  The sports world only has baseball, which for this DirecTV customer means no Dodgers, still!  TV’s got nothing of consequence (thank god for Big Brother, my one reality vice which eats up at least three hours a week).  SIDE NOTE, check out You’re The Worst on FX and help me decide if this is a hidden gem or I’m just desperate for an interesting comedy.  Summer movies have been a huge disappointment overall.  Snowpiercer and Godzilla might be the two best movies of the Summer of 2014 (the first being a 2013 movie just now on VOD in the United States and the other is God-fucking-zilla!?).  The San Diego Comic Con just wrapped up which is like going to a strip club; you spend a lot of time / money / effort to NOT go home with the hot chick and to NOT see the new movies / TV shows / comic books being promoted.  Bringing this back full squared-circle, SummerSlam is still a few weeks away.  A big PPV to which we’ve known what the card will be since last month.  

Over the weekend, I was chatting with Fred “The Oracle” about mixing it up a little on this week’s BEARcast - WrestleCast (www.worldofbear.com and on iTunes).  We were trying to think of a new segment or work on one of our previous bonus show ideas.  I’m always worried about going too long and said, “Well, if we have five minutes let’s do _______ (check out the show this week).”  Halfway through RAW, I texted Fred, “I think we’ll need to find something to fill up the remaining 45 minutes after we burn through this countdown!”

RAW wasn’t bad, it just didn’t do anything.  The actual wrestling was solid.  The problem is, we know the basic lineup for all the matches at SummerSlam.  It’s as if you watched the last five minutes of The Usual Suspects and now we’re going back to see what lead up to finding out who Kayser Soze is and why he did what he did.  Does it make The Usual Suspects a bad movie?  NO!  Hell, I’ve seen it 100 times.  It’s a great movie but during the 100th time watching it, am I  riveted watching McManus, Keaton, Fenster, Hockney and Kint pull off the same heists?  

SummerSlam is a few weeks a way.  Other than Goldust / Stardust, Cesaro, Sheamus and the Corporate Nation, we know where almost all the other feuds are headed.  SummerSlam couldn’t get here fast enough.  That being said, I’m very much looking forward to all the SummerSlam matches (save for this Fandango / Summer / Layla nonsense).  

Check out the BEARcast (www.worldofbear.com and subscribe on iTunes) over the next few weeks because we’ll try to spice things up while most of wrestling is just going to repeat itself running up to SummerSlam.

So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 7/28/2014…

1. HHH and Stephanie (3&6) – “Jail Bird” would the be the title of the Orange is the New Black episode that Stephanie should guest star on.  I hear-tell prison changes a person.  That’s certainly the case as Stephanie went full Keller from OZ on B-Bella with “you’re my bitch now!”  I’m going to make an early prediction that this Stephanie / B-Bella match will be better than you expect.  IF my theory that a female wrestler’s in-ring quality matches that of the male wrestler pumping semen into her, than HHH vs Daniel Bryan with an Y chromosome should be good. 
   
2. B-Bella (20) – I got it… we all get it… Stephanie is a BITCH.  The WWE feels they have free license to use that word if it’s one female yelling it at another.  If we know anything about the WWE, once they find something they like, they’ll beat it like Ray Rice in a casino elevator.  Special shot to Fred “The Oracle” for calling this match months ago before anyone else!  Even more reason for you to listen to the BEARcast - WrestleCast (www.worldofbear.com and subscribe on iTunes).
3. Paul Heyman (1) – Ladies and Gentlemen…  Not only did Heyman do a great job to set up SummerSlam but at the same time he’s laying the foundation for the return of Undertaker (which lays the foundation for Sting’s monumental debut, see Side Notes for more on this).  What Heyman is doing contributes more to WWE storytelling than any other performer in the company.  He’s the best.
4. Cena (HM) – M.I.A last week but back to open the show.  He’s taken his shilling dish towels to a new level this week.  It is interesting how SuperCena has continued to be a hero while the crowd had turned to give him the same heat a heel would get.  It’s like watching the world boo for Superman while he’s defending the world against Doomsday.  
   
5. Cesaro (8) – Killed his shoot!  Maybe Cena “can’t wrestle” but more often than not, he rises (and lowers) to the level of his opponent.  You don’t get much better than Cesaro.  This was a classic SuperCena win but at least Cesaro got the “win in defeat” aura from Monday’s match.  Even with his dope “what is this, velvet?” robe and superb wrestling skills, Cesaro is a bit lost.  I’m still calling for a Sheamus / Cesaro feud.  It just makes too much sense so… it probably won’t happen.
   
6. Randy Orton (4) – HHH did a good job of setting up Roman Reigns / RKO and putting pressure on RKO to step up.  Who doesn’t love to hate Angry RKO?  NOT crazy RKO but angry RKO is the best.  Once again RKO proves he’s old school buy making damn sure that announce table was going to get smashed.  I love how a chance at a chance of a title shot is RKO’s “precious”.  It’s so lame and so over the top but that’s when RKO is at his best.  
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
7. Roman Reigns vs Kane (2&5) – Turn about is fair play.  RKO got the jump on Reigns which was a switch from last week.  But you know who I feel sorry for, Kane.  Seeing him ONCE AGAIN take the walk of shame back to the locker room.  He’s did what he was told and now it’s back to the showers to await the next time the WWE needs him.  Don’t feel too bad.  At the SDCC Kane was out promoting the next installment of See No Evil.  We’ll have to check with “The Oracle” but I imagine he’ll be taking time off soon to get in full movie promotion mode.  
8. Usos & Ziggler vs Ryb-Axel & Miz (&10/ &11) – Hollywood Miz and Ziggler are the stars of this match.  Yet another match that should be great.  The Miz is really kicking ass with his character lately.  As for the tag teams involved in this, well one is really great and the other suck donkey balls.  I’ll let you figure out which one is which.  
   
   
   
   
9. Paige and AJ Lee (12) – I thought we were making progress when Paige only mockingly skipped like AJ down to the ring.  But no, yet again, the only two ways a female wrestler can have any exhibition of character is by either being a slut or a crazy screaming bitch.  Putting aside my thoughts on female characters, this was Paige’s best mic work of her short WWE career.  There was no reason to bring back the stupid “crazy” AJ gimmick.  Just get to the match.  Paige vs AJ might be a top three match at SummerSlam.  *snap two times in a circle*
   
10. Seth Rollins (HM) – Plan B vs Y2J.  Like I said, regardless of the storytelling, very good wrestling on this week’s RAW.  Let’s set something straight WWE, if you show a repeat of what you aired on the WWE app, then it’s not “exclusively on the WWE app.”  It’s just a fucking repeat of what happened during the commercial.  You’ve done this for years!  How stupid do you think we are?  OH, wait…
11. Bray and The Wyatt Family (7) – Another day, another Wyatt family run in to jump Y2J.  What would be interesting (and if it doesn’t totally work it won’t matter because Jericho will be leaving soon) is to have Bray preach that he and Y2J are more alike than anyone and should join forces.  Y2J has always fancied himself a man of the people, more Hollywood granted, but maybe Y2J (which is a nickname derived from the destruction of man via a technology error) should see the light and team up with… oh who am I kidding?  The WWE is not spending a like of time trying to get nuanced with this feud.  Let’s the Bray beat-down of Jericho begin!
    
12. Chris Jericho (7) – Such a shit stirrer.  Too bad he’s using jokes from 15 years ago.  Despite Fred’s raving review of the new Fozzy record, all I’m going to say is, “glass houses, bro.”  All joking aside, Bray vs Jericho will be awesome.
13. Bo Dallas (15) – Bo Dallas’ streak is snapped by R-Truth?!  At first I was shocked and pissed but then realized, Bo’s streak was only going to hold him back.  This pushes Bo as a heel and ends the silly streak that would have been a burden in the coming months as he tried to take on wrestlers higher up the food chain.  Now he’s free to step up to an IC or US championship run.  Lastly, are we sure the drought in Los Angeles isn’t being caused by Bo Dallas personally?  The man has all the water.  The boy is wet!  Is no one worried he’s a walking slip-and-fall accident waiting to happen?
    
14. Corporate Nation (14) – Not only did Big E win back his spot in front of the backstage TV but he brought his friends along.  Eventually Woods, Kofi and Big E came out to the ring.  I’m staying clear of this and giving this gimmick a slow burn and crossing my fingers it’s done right.  They must add at least one or two more black wrestlers to the new Nation but it doesn’t seems like R-Truth nor Titus are on their list of pledges.
    
15. R-Truth (N/A) – A slow night = R-Truth Rapping.  Clearly, R-Trizzle is to ghetto for the new Corporate Nation.  If R-Truth (and WWE creative) want to blow people’s minds, they should have Mr. Killings come out and do a shoot that he’s the 1-behind-the-1-in-16-and-Bo-1??  If only for one night, have him be a Paul Heyman guy and let Heyman give him a bump.  What could go wrong, other than everything?
16. Dust Brothers (13) – I’m a sucker and I’m along for the ride!  Let’s hope that whatever this magic key is means some in-ring action.  Any comic book fan will notice something eerily familiar about Stardust’s board.  Let’s hope it doesn’t lead to a New 52 like Rip Hunter’s did.  Fuck it, let’s blow the whole thing up and see what happens!
    
    
    
    
17. Rusev w/ Lana vs Swagger w/ Zeb ( ) – “50 stars and 13 bars” sounds like a great rap lyric.  It’s amazing how Zeb turned from a Fox news pariah to a Normal Rockwell painting.  
    
    
    
    
18. Damien Space-dow vs Adam Rose (16&N/A) – Back to feuding with the Adam Rose machine.  I love Sandow.  He’s pulling off the city-by-city heel tour.  I know there’s not much of a future for this character but can’t I just enjoy something in my life?
    
     
19. Fandango vs a Matador w/ Summer & Layla (18&N/A) – Isn’t bestiality illegal?  Then again, we’re talking about Texas and it wouldn’t surprise me if fucking a bull, albeit a midget humanoid bull, is totally legal.  The fact that it’s a Mexican bull, that’s where Texans will have issues. 
20. Divas Match: Cameron / Alicia Fox vs Naomi / Natalya (20) – So, um, yeah… I needed a #20 so, here you go.  Let’s just hope that Naomi gets to face off with either Paige or AJ sooner than later.   

Honorable Mentions

Dean Ambrose – I like how they flipped from last week, when Rollins wasn’t on the show.  The Ambrose / Rollins feud is going to be awesome but having them at each other’s throat and sneak attacking them over and over again was going to get played out fast.  Essentially putting this feud on hold for a few weeks was perfect.  We all know the war is coming.  I can’t wait for SummerSlam.

Houston Crowd – The Houston crowd was on fire from the opening of the show all the way through the end.  Big up’s to the folks in H-town. 

WWE Production crew – This is not a new development but from time to time we’re reminded on what the WWE does better than any other sport / entertainment company; making promo / clip packages.  The production crew made some outstanding packages for the Stephanie / Bella and the Brock / Cena feuds.  “That’s What WE Do!” should be the WWE Production’s motto.

Side Note(s)

Very quickly, SDCC was this weekend and there was a panel for Mattel and WWE toys.  At the end there was a surprise appearance made by Sting, as he was going to have his own WWE licensed toy for the first time ever.  The only reason to point this out is that watching Sting, at a WWE event, turned me into a wrestling crazed teenager again.  I’m old enough to say, “none of this really maters” or “this is just a TV show I enjoy watching.”  But the realization that Sting might actually make it on to WWE television in the near future really got my juices flowing.  On things that I never thought that I’d see or given up on hoping for, seeing Sting in the WWE was one of them.  I’ve always been a huge Sting mark but as you learn in life, some things weren’t meant to be.  Sting was never going to be in the WWE, which itself was a cool idea.  But now that it seems imminent that Sting will give us at least one match, even an appearance, I can’t tell you how excited I am.  I’m sure anyone under 20 will barely care if Sting ever makes an appearance on RAW.  But if your of my ilk or a historian of wrestling, I can promise you one thing; When Sting finally shows up at a WWE event THE CROWD WILL LOSE THEIR SHIT.  More than even the Undertaker’s streak being broken because that was sad and a shot to the gut.  Sting showing up will bring such joy and turn old men into giddy boys.  I can’t wait.  Thank you WWE.  Thank you Sting.  Thank you San Diego Comic Con, truly the happiest place on earth for all of nerdom.  

Lastly, on the theme of Nerd-culture and movies (“these are a few of my favorite things” - feel free to sing along), I just finished re-watching The Running Man.  With all the sequels and remakes that Hollywood is making, why has the WWE not bought the rights to make a new Running Man.  This should be in production and ready for me to watch in 2015.  Cena would make a perfect Ben Richards.  Granted, no one is like the late great Richard Dawson but Mr. McMahon or better yet Stephanie McMahon would be as close to a perfect replacement as you’re going to find.  The WWE roster is littered with potentially great stalkers.  Out of all the remakes, the original Running Man suffered from the lack of quality CGI and new age costumes.  We didn’t need a new Total Recall or Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street.  We certainly don’t need a new Gremlins, Escape From New York or Point Break (can you really remake perfection?).  Even though I love the original Running Man, it’s the one that could benefit the most from a new cast and new technology.  There’s my free tip to the WWE.  Spend whatever it takes to get the rights to The Running Man.  You’ll save money on the cast so it will wash out.  Stop with these horror films and give us a movie that couldn’t be more perfectly suited for the WWE!

Until next time…