WWE Power Rankings, RAW 7/28/2014

Coming at you from Houston, and some weeks the WWE / RAW / Wrestling can be great, some weeks it can be horrible, some weeks it can be exciting and some weeks it can be boring.  Then there are weeks like this one.  Weeks that just are-what-they-are and there’s not much to say.

The world is in a funk.  It’s the dog days of July.  It’s hot across the country.  The economy is stagnant (which is the nicest way to put it).  There’s turmoil all over the planet.  The sports world only has baseball, which for this DirecTV customer means no Dodgers, still!  TV’s got nothing of consequence (thank god for Big Brother, my one reality vice which eats up at least three hours a week).  SIDE NOTE, check out You’re The Worst on FX and help me decide if this is a hidden gem or I’m just desperate for an interesting comedy.  Summer movies have been a huge disappointment overall.  Snowpiercer and Godzilla might be the two best movies of the Summer of 2014 (the first being a 2013 movie just now on VOD in the United States and the other is God-fucking-zilla!?).  The San Diego Comic Con just wrapped up which is like going to a strip club; you spend a lot of time / money / effort to NOT go home with the hot chick and to NOT see the new movies / TV shows / comic books being promoted.  Bringing this back full squared-circle, SummerSlam is still a few weeks away.  A big PPV to which we’ve known what the card will be since last month.  

Over the weekend, I was chatting with Fred “The Oracle” about mixing it up a little on this week’s BEARcast - WrestleCast (www.worldofbear.com and on iTunes).  We were trying to think of a new segment or work on one of our previous bonus show ideas.  I’m always worried about going too long and said, “Well, if we have five minutes let’s do _______ (check out the show this week).”  Halfway through RAW, I texted Fred, “I think we’ll need to find something to fill up the remaining 45 minutes after we burn through this countdown!”

RAW wasn’t bad, it just didn’t do anything.  The actual wrestling was solid.  The problem is, we know the basic lineup for all the matches at SummerSlam.  It’s as if you watched the last five minutes of The Usual Suspects and now we’re going back to see what lead up to finding out who Kayser Soze is and why he did what he did.  Does it make The Usual Suspects a bad movie?  NO!  Hell, I’ve seen it 100 times.  It’s a great movie but during the 100th time watching it, am I  riveted watching McManus, Keaton, Fenster, Hockney and Kint pull off the same heists?  

SummerSlam is a few weeks a way.  Other than Goldust / Stardust, Cesaro, Sheamus and the Corporate Nation, we know where almost all the other feuds are headed.  SummerSlam couldn’t get here fast enough.  That being said, I’m very much looking forward to all the SummerSlam matches (save for this Fandango / Summer / Layla nonsense).  

Check out the BEARcast (www.worldofbear.com and subscribe on iTunes) over the next few weeks because we’ll try to spice things up while most of wrestling is just going to repeat itself running up to SummerSlam.

So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 7/28/2014…

1. HHH and Stephanie (3&6) – “Jail Bird” would the be the title of the Orange is the New Black episode that Stephanie should guest star on.  I hear-tell prison changes a person.  That’s certainly the case as Stephanie went full Keller from OZ on B-Bella with “you’re my bitch now!”  I’m going to make an early prediction that this Stephanie / B-Bella match will be better than you expect.  IF my theory that a female wrestler’s in-ring quality matches that of the male wrestler pumping semen into her, than HHH vs Daniel Bryan with an Y chromosome should be good. 
   
2. B-Bella (20) – I got it… we all get it… Stephanie is a BITCH.  The WWE feels they have free license to use that word if it’s one female yelling it at another.  If we know anything about the WWE, once they find something they like, they’ll beat it like Ray Rice in a casino elevator.  Special shot to Fred “The Oracle” for calling this match months ago before anyone else!  Even more reason for you to listen to the BEARcast - WrestleCast (www.worldofbear.com and subscribe on iTunes).
3. Paul Heyman (1) – Ladies and Gentlemen…  Not only did Heyman do a great job to set up SummerSlam but at the same time he’s laying the foundation for the return of Undertaker (which lays the foundation for Sting’s monumental debut, see Side Notes for more on this).  What Heyman is doing contributes more to WWE storytelling than any other performer in the company.  He’s the best.
4. Cena (HM) – M.I.A last week but back to open the show.  He’s taken his shilling dish towels to a new level this week.  It is interesting how SuperCena has continued to be a hero while the crowd had turned to give him the same heat a heel would get.  It’s like watching the world boo for Superman while he’s defending the world against Doomsday.  
   
5. Cesaro (8) – Killed his shoot!  Maybe Cena “can’t wrestle” but more often than not, he rises (and lowers) to the level of his opponent.  You don’t get much better than Cesaro.  This was a classic SuperCena win but at least Cesaro got the “win in defeat” aura from Monday’s match.  Even with his dope “what is this, velvet?” robe and superb wrestling skills, Cesaro is a bit lost.  I’m still calling for a Sheamus / Cesaro feud.  It just makes too much sense so… it probably won’t happen.
   
6. Randy Orton (4) – HHH did a good job of setting up Roman Reigns / RKO and putting pressure on RKO to step up.  Who doesn’t love to hate Angry RKO?  NOT crazy RKO but angry RKO is the best.  Once again RKO proves he’s old school buy making damn sure that announce table was going to get smashed.  I love how a chance at a chance of a title shot is RKO’s “precious”.  It’s so lame and so over the top but that’s when RKO is at his best.  
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
7. Roman Reigns vs Kane (2&5) – Turn about is fair play.  RKO got the jump on Reigns which was a switch from last week.  But you know who I feel sorry for, Kane.  Seeing him ONCE AGAIN take the walk of shame back to the locker room.  He’s did what he was told and now it’s back to the showers to await the next time the WWE needs him.  Don’t feel too bad.  At the SDCC Kane was out promoting the next installment of See No Evil.  We’ll have to check with “The Oracle” but I imagine he’ll be taking time off soon to get in full movie promotion mode.  
8. Usos & Ziggler vs Ryb-Axel & Miz (&10/ &11) – Hollywood Miz and Ziggler are the stars of this match.  Yet another match that should be great.  The Miz is really kicking ass with his character lately.  As for the tag teams involved in this, well one is really great and the other suck donkey balls.  I’ll let you figure out which one is which.  
   
   
   
   
9. Paige and AJ Lee (12) – I thought we were making progress when Paige only mockingly skipped like AJ down to the ring.  But no, yet again, the only two ways a female wrestler can have any exhibition of character is by either being a slut or a crazy screaming bitch.  Putting aside my thoughts on female characters, this was Paige’s best mic work of her short WWE career.  There was no reason to bring back the stupid “crazy” AJ gimmick.  Just get to the match.  Paige vs AJ might be a top three match at SummerSlam.  *snap two times in a circle*
   
10. Seth Rollins (HM) – Plan B vs Y2J.  Like I said, regardless of the storytelling, very good wrestling on this week’s RAW.  Let’s set something straight WWE, if you show a repeat of what you aired on the WWE app, then it’s not “exclusively on the WWE app.”  It’s just a fucking repeat of what happened during the commercial.  You’ve done this for years!  How stupid do you think we are?  OH, wait…
11. Bray and The Wyatt Family (7) – Another day, another Wyatt family run in to jump Y2J.  What would be interesting (and if it doesn’t totally work it won’t matter because Jericho will be leaving soon) is to have Bray preach that he and Y2J are more alike than anyone and should join forces.  Y2J has always fancied himself a man of the people, more Hollywood granted, but maybe Y2J (which is a nickname derived from the destruction of man via a technology error) should see the light and team up with… oh who am I kidding?  The WWE is not spending a like of time trying to get nuanced with this feud.  Let’s the Bray beat-down of Jericho begin!
    
12. Chris Jericho (7) – Such a shit stirrer.  Too bad he’s using jokes from 15 years ago.  Despite Fred’s raving review of the new Fozzy record, all I’m going to say is, “glass houses, bro.”  All joking aside, Bray vs Jericho will be awesome.
13. Bo Dallas (15) – Bo Dallas’ streak is snapped by R-Truth?!  At first I was shocked and pissed but then realized, Bo’s streak was only going to hold him back.  This pushes Bo as a heel and ends the silly streak that would have been a burden in the coming months as he tried to take on wrestlers higher up the food chain.  Now he’s free to step up to an IC or US championship run.  Lastly, are we sure the drought in Los Angeles isn’t being caused by Bo Dallas personally?  The man has all the water.  The boy is wet!  Is no one worried he’s a walking slip-and-fall accident waiting to happen?
    
14. Corporate Nation (14) – Not only did Big E win back his spot in front of the backstage TV but he brought his friends along.  Eventually Woods, Kofi and Big E came out to the ring.  I’m staying clear of this and giving this gimmick a slow burn and crossing my fingers it’s done right.  They must add at least one or two more black wrestlers to the new Nation but it doesn’t seems like R-Truth nor Titus are on their list of pledges.
    
15. R-Truth (N/A) – A slow night = R-Truth Rapping.  Clearly, R-Trizzle is to ghetto for the new Corporate Nation.  If R-Truth (and WWE creative) want to blow people’s minds, they should have Mr. Killings come out and do a shoot that he’s the 1-behind-the-1-in-16-and-Bo-1??  If only for one night, have him be a Paul Heyman guy and let Heyman give him a bump.  What could go wrong, other than everything?
16. Dust Brothers (13) – I’m a sucker and I’m along for the ride!  Let’s hope that whatever this magic key is means some in-ring action.  Any comic book fan will notice something eerily familiar about Stardust’s board.  Let’s hope it doesn’t lead to a New 52 like Rip Hunter’s did.  Fuck it, let’s blow the whole thing up and see what happens!
    
    
    
    
17. Rusev w/ Lana vs Swagger w/ Zeb ( ) – “50 stars and 13 bars” sounds like a great rap lyric.  It’s amazing how Zeb turned from a Fox news pariah to a Normal Rockwell painting.  
    
    
    
    
18. Damien Space-dow vs Adam Rose (16&N/A) – Back to feuding with the Adam Rose machine.  I love Sandow.  He’s pulling off the city-by-city heel tour.  I know there’s not much of a future for this character but can’t I just enjoy something in my life?
    
     
19. Fandango vs a Matador w/ Summer & Layla (18&N/A) – Isn’t bestiality illegal?  Then again, we’re talking about Texas and it wouldn’t surprise me if fucking a bull, albeit a midget humanoid bull, is totally legal.  The fact that it’s a Mexican bull, that’s where Texans will have issues. 
20. Divas Match: Cameron / Alicia Fox vs Naomi / Natalya (20) – So, um, yeah… I needed a #20 so, here you go.  Let’s just hope that Naomi gets to face off with either Paige or AJ sooner than later.   

Honorable Mentions

Dean Ambrose – I like how they flipped from last week, when Rollins wasn’t on the show.  The Ambrose / Rollins feud is going to be awesome but having them at each other’s throat and sneak attacking them over and over again was going to get played out fast.  Essentially putting this feud on hold for a few weeks was perfect.  We all know the war is coming.  I can’t wait for SummerSlam.

Houston Crowd – The Houston crowd was on fire from the opening of the show all the way through the end.  Big up’s to the folks in H-town. 

WWE Production crew – This is not a new development but from time to time we’re reminded on what the WWE does better than any other sport / entertainment company; making promo / clip packages.  The production crew made some outstanding packages for the Stephanie / Bella and the Brock / Cena feuds.  “That’s What WE Do!” should be the WWE Production’s motto.

Side Note(s)

Very quickly, SDCC was this weekend and there was a panel for Mattel and WWE toys.  At the end there was a surprise appearance made by Sting, as he was going to have his own WWE licensed toy for the first time ever.  The only reason to point this out is that watching Sting, at a WWE event, turned me into a wrestling crazed teenager again.  I’m old enough to say, “none of this really maters” or “this is just a TV show I enjoy watching.”  But the realization that Sting might actually make it on to WWE television in the near future really got my juices flowing.  On things that I never thought that I’d see or given up on hoping for, seeing Sting in the WWE was one of them.  I’ve always been a huge Sting mark but as you learn in life, some things weren’t meant to be.  Sting was never going to be in the WWE, which itself was a cool idea.  But now that it seems imminent that Sting will give us at least one match, even an appearance, I can’t tell you how excited I am.  I’m sure anyone under 20 will barely care if Sting ever makes an appearance on RAW.  But if your of my ilk or a historian of wrestling, I can promise you one thing; When Sting finally shows up at a WWE event THE CROWD WILL LOSE THEIR SHIT.  More than even the Undertaker’s streak being broken because that was sad and a shot to the gut.  Sting showing up will bring such joy and turn old men into giddy boys.  I can’t wait.  Thank you WWE.  Thank you Sting.  Thank you San Diego Comic Con, truly the happiest place on earth for all of nerdom.  

Lastly, on the theme of Nerd-culture and movies (“these are a few of my favorite things” - feel free to sing along), I just finished re-watching The Running Man.  With all the sequels and remakes that Hollywood is making, why has the WWE not bought the rights to make a new Running Man.  This should be in production and ready for me to watch in 2015.  Cena would make a perfect Ben Richards.  Granted, no one is like the late great Richard Dawson but Mr. McMahon or better yet Stephanie McMahon would be as close to a perfect replacement as you’re going to find.  The WWE roster is littered with potentially great stalkers.  Out of all the remakes, the original Running Man suffered from the lack of quality CGI and new age costumes.  We didn’t need a new Total Recall or Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street.  We certainly don’t need a new Gremlins, Escape From New York or Point Break (can you really remake perfection?).  Even though I love the original Running Man, it’s the one that could benefit the most from a new cast and new technology.  There’s my free tip to the WWE.  Spend whatever it takes to get the rights to The Running Man.  You’ll save money on the cast so it will wash out.  Stop with these horror films and give us a movie that couldn’t be more perfectly suited for the WWE!

Until next time…

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 6/09/2014

Coming at you from Minneapolis, and I’m getting a bit of a late start after watching my beloved Kings face off against the dastardly Blueshirts from NYC.  By “beloved” I mean, now that they’re up 2-0 in the Stanley Cup playoffs, I’ll watch every game.  Until two weeks ago, I couldn’t name five players but now I’m a hockey expert.  There’s also a Dodger game on ESPN, second in the past week, which are my first two games that I’ve been able to watch this season because Time-fucking-Warner and DirecTV can’t get their 8 billion dollar shit together.  AND it’s the beginning of the World Cup.  I have to learn about the 32 teams so I can pretend to know what’s going on.  Very busy.

Last week on RAW, we got one of the more surprising “heel turns” in a long while.  Two fascinating sentiments that I noticed was; 1) Everyone seemed to like that it was Rollins who turned and 2) No one has any clue what the fallout from this turn is going to be.  Both points are reasons to congratulate the WWE on a job well done.  

On last week’s BEARcast - WrestleCast (found on iTunes or www.worldofbear.com) Fred and I debated over the quality of the wrestling stories being told, company wide, and if one surprising twist in the main feud should coverup for the failures throughout the rest of the roster.  While it’s a valid question, it’s a new week and time (and story) marches on.  We shall see what the WWE has in store for us.  Strip away all the praise, complaints and speculation, we all want to see what’s going to happen with Bray, Cena, Goldust and Cody, this new Evolution, the remaining Shield members and even to some extent Daniel Bryan and the WHC.  Not to mention Sheamus is putting on good matches, The Usos vs The Wyatt Family continue to entertain, Barrett vs Cesaro could be epic, Rusev vs Big E part 2 would be awesome, can Bo Dallas continue to impress or enrage (depending on if you’re a bo-liever or not) and list goes on.  All of this means the WWE has done the one job inherent to running a wrestling promotion, or any type of entertainment structure, “Keep the audience coming back for more.”

The only way the WWE could drop the ball is if they “kick the can” on everything (as they’ve done with Bryan for the past month-plus) and use this week’s RAW as a mechanism to buy time on all story lines until Money in the Bank.  The audience needs some answers tonight.

So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 6/09/2014…

1. Seth Rollins (2) – He pimped a black on black suit.  Nuff said.  Perfection.  There’s only three reasons to wear all black; 1) you’re accepting an award on BET, 2) you’re going to a funeral, or 3) you just pulled off a dope ass heel turn.  He may sound like Marc Maron but there was nothing funny about his shoot (some might say there’s nothing funny about Maron as well, but that’s for another time).  Seriously, who’d have thought a year ago that Rollins could be the centerpiece of a shocking turn and be able to pull off the mic work necessary to make it work?  Excellent work Mr. Rollins.  BTW, my gut tells me this is a work by The Shield.  I want it on record now just in case.  Assuming this turn is real and long lasting, what’s the future for Rollins?  With a little work, could he be CM Punk 2.0?  Lastly, if you’re going to promote a Rollins / Ziggler match on Main Event, I might have to tune in! 
   
2. The Shield minus Rollins (2) – What a great shoot.  It will be forgotten in a week but it was exactly on point and what Ambrose and Reigns needed.  It also gave me, and my crazy conspiracy loving mind, a few drips of an ultimate Shield double-cross.  That’s the Ambrose that we’ve all been waiting for.  We forget, he’s was the initial 5-tool player (if I can steal a baseball term) of The Shield.  Reigns was great too.  2/3 of The Shield is better than 95% of the other wrestlers.  The brilliance of the Rollins turn was that it automatically put him in the spotlight AND gave Reigns the ability to be a WHC face and give Ambrose a chance to shine.
   
3. The Wyatt Family (3) – Bray is back.  Who cares about the why’s and how’s regarding him being gone last week.  Why bother with details like that?  The WWE can get away with it because Bray is so hot right now.  The crowd loves him.  As they should.  But let’s not forget to throw some dap towards Harper who has quietly been improving each week.  Harper’s fireman’s neck breaker would have ended anyone other than SuperCena.  I can’t even complain about Rowan because he’s been raising his game too.  Since we’re not likely to get any more classic Shield / Wyatt matches, what’s next?  I’m fine with Rowan and Harper vs The Usos or a depleted Shield.  Maybe we can all pray to the Yellow King that Rowan and Harper can destroy Ryb-Axel before that train gets too far down the track.  As the great Eminem would say, “Forgot about Bray?”  Is he thrown in the MitB WHC match?  Do we see round 4 of Bray / Cena?  What’s next for the super hot Bray Wyatt?
   
   
   
   
4. John Cena (9) – Even the harshest Cena haters would have to admit that Cena / Shield vs Wyatts was going to be a good match.  I would have been my last dollar Cena was going to be Ambrose and Reigns partner.  The match was excellent but does this mean we’re getting more Cena / Bray?  Payback should have been the end.  Would it surprise anyone if both Cena and Bray were in the MitB WHC match?  Would it surprise anyone if both were not in the match but still had another gimmick match?  I’m telling you, this is going until SummerSlam.  Someone, please prove me wrong.
   
5. HHH and Stephanie McMahon (1&8) – Who better to open the show?  When you pull off a major turn, why not revel in it’s success.  It’s been a few weeks since HHH and Stephanie were able to do a full tag team promo together.  You forget how well they work together.  Yes, I know they’re married but I know a ton of married couples who I don’t want to get stuck in the same car with, let alone listen to them deliver wrestling plot exposition.  They started off extremely strong.  They laid the foundation for various Daniel Bryan possibilities.  This Dr. Maroon seemed about as credible as the prescription marijuana doctors here in L.A.  Under that desk were Tommy Bahama shorts and Birkenstocks, guaranteed.  Did you notice how he said, “Bryan will be reevaluated in the coming weeks.” while HHH and Stephanie kept insisting on Bryan not being at MitB?  My spidey-sense is tingling.  The part that HHH and Stephanie dropped the ball on was the explanation of what is going to happen at MitB.  I’ve watch the whole show twice and I'm still not clear if there is just one MitB match whose winner gets the WHC or if there’s going to be two matches, a MitB match and then a Ladder Match for the WHC?  Their promo got back on track once they refocused on Shield, Evolution and The Wyatt Family.   HHH’s declaration of, “I believe in Seth Rollins.” was a great way to set up two possibilities.  Either Rollins goes on a becomes a major player with a boost from joining Evolution or Rollins (and the rest of The Shield) are playing the long game and will out cerebralize the cerebral assassin.  What?  I can’t be the only person who thinks The Shield might pulling a grand switch-a-roo.  And lest anyone think I forgot to evaluate Stephanie, the WWE fashion expert gives her a B-plus for last night’s outfit.  You can’t go wrong in all black with some nice heels.  I know “cutouts” are big but I say go big and bold with them or none at all.  
   
   
   
   
6. Randy Orton (1) – Can anyone recall when a top 5 talent like RKO just quietly sat in the way way back of the WWE station wagon for the past six months and you hear nary a complaint?  Why would he complain?  He’s coming off well (for the most part), he’s kept his heel status strong and he’s being tossed into WHC main events at MitB without having to lift a finger.  His Instagram pic, chillin’ by the pool, was great.  After MitB I’d love for RKO to go against a Cesaro or Barrett so he can show off some of his in-ring skills that we’ve been missing for the past few months.  God forbid a RKO / Ziggler match, cause why give the fans something enjoyable to watch.
7. #BNB (5) – Just like last week where BOTH Ziggler and ADR should be in the MitB match, BOTH Sheamus and Barrett should be in the MitB match.  Instead, Sheamus gets the win and Barrett is left who his next opponent will be.  Luckily Barrett is IC champ so they can’t bury him like they do Ziggler.  I was expecting some sort of run in from Cesaro to continue their squabble from last week.  That didn’t happen and Sheamus still got the clean victory over Barrett.  To make matters worse, Cesaro is in the MitB match so what is there for Barrett to do?  Maybe he’s taking a month off to be the WWE’s World Cup correspondent in Brazil?  He could take the JBL & Cole show on the road and do reports from Brazil’s world famous beaches, whorehouses and soccer stadiums.  
   
8. Cesaro w/ advocate Heyman (5) – Heyman was great.  A blind man could where his shoot was going but he still delivers.  He’s able to switch Lesnar into Cesaro in less time than a whore can put on a condom, or so I’m told.  Cesaro’s win puts him into the MitB match.  While it would be nice to have Cesaro vs #BNB, Cesaro is the odds on favorite for winning the MitB match.
   
9. Sheamus (6) – Sheamus had another really good match and win vs Barrett.  It’s no secret that Sheamus has the same appeal to me as a finely cooked haggis but to my shock he’s been really good in-ring of late.  The issue is that he hasn’t found his role with the audience yet.  If he’s a face, who’s his heel opponent?  If he’s going to turn heel (which I’d advocate for) than who’s his face opponent?  He’s a bit stuck.  He’s in the MitB match.  It would be cool to see someone wear all that gold at once, both WHC belts and the US strap.  
   
10. The Usos (4) – Who is next for The Usos?  Ryb-Axel?  The Wyatts?  Remind me, wasn’t it just a few months ago that we were saying how stacked the tag team division was?  What happened?  
11. Bo Dallas (17) – Special shout out to Daniel Bryan’s recovery.  I’m sure equal doses of HGH and bo-lief will get him back on his feet in no time.  Dallas must do 2 things before going to the ring, shower with his close on and puts vaseline on his teeth like MissUSA so he can constantly smile.  He’s the only man who’s less wet after the match than prior.  How great was his 6-and-0 celebration!!!  An accomplishment and streak that will go down in at the annals of history.  
    
12. Alexander Rusev w/ Lana (19) – When I saw the Obama workout video over the weekend, it was a lock that Lana was going to use it on her next promo.  Lana killed her opening.  Much better than last week’s horrific medal ceremony.  I’m still not sold on the accolade hammerlock but it is amazing to see Rusev switch from brute to being able to pull off a very athletic super-kick.  My only question is, for the second week in a row, where’s Big E?  They had a great match at Payback and I want more.  No offense to Zack Ryder but I’m taking Big E over Ryder any day of the week and twice on Sunday.
    
13. Rob Van Dam (6) – He’s back in shape and putting on quality RAW matches.  I don’t know how much longer RVD plans to work, or at least work a limited schedule, but I hope before RVD retires, he and Heyman can go on one last run together.  It would be the fitting and final nod to the greatness of ECW.
14. Paige (N/A) – Back from a week off and what’s her first piece of business?  A rematch with Alicia Fox!  I’m a fan of both Alicia Fox and Paige and think very highly of their wrestling skills.  What I don’t understand is that they now have the female wrestlers to put on variety of good matches.  I just watched Nattie vs Charlotte (Ric Flair’s daughter) and it was great.  Emma can wrestle.  Even Summer Rae has shown skill during her few true wrestling matches.  Let some of these other talents air.  I’d much rather watch Emma vs Paige than any Ryb-Axel match.  Besides, how quickly does a feud fade if one side keeps winning.  Paige has won all but once against Fox.  We need the variety.  It’s not like back in the day when there was ONLY Trish vs Lita.
    
15. Alicia Fox w/ Aksana (18) – Fox’s wrestling is fine.  I won’t waste time complaining that a rivalry is when both sides win, not just Paige winning week after week (sans the one week, I know) or waste finger strokes complaining the WWE needs to mix up the one Divas slot and allow for more than just the same two wrestlers.  I won’t even bitch about Alicia’s post match antics, which I don’t understand and was done with three weeks ago.  What really sent me up a wall was having to sit through all the “marriage advice” The King and the rest of the announce crew deemed necessary for me to sit through.  The King Lawler once quit his job in protest of his wife being fired from the WWE, only to divorce her a few months later.  Tomorrow I have scheduled free throw lessons from DeAndre Jordan and later this week I’m taking financial planning advice from Bernie Madoff.  Can these guys shut up and sell the wrestling matches?  It makes me long for the days when they explained how to download the WWE App.  
    
16. Goldust and ???? (15) – This week’s parter is R-Truth.  Cody, once again gets the coveted TV watching spot.  There was a few minutes that Goldust destroyed Ryb-Axel.  DESTROYED.  Goldust is damn near 50 years old.  He doesn’t need to be loosing to Ryb-Axel.  We should have respect for our elders.  Yet, Cody has an idea.  Who is this person who’s going to magnify Goldust’s brilliance?  Is it that hard to figure out the Brother vs Brother feud?  What’s with all this bullshit?  
17. Swagger w/ Zeb vs SAN-TIN-OOOOOO (14&N/A) – Zeb slaps are like Gamma radiation to Swagger’s Hulk.  After getting juiced up on Zeb slaps, Swagger pulled a great gut-wrench power bomb.  The Real Americans could still have some run in them but they must find another member ASAP.  Meanwhile, if there’s anyone who can save us from Zeb and all the bigots of the world, it’s Santino, hero to the people.  If Santino can’t stop Zeb and Swagger, no one else can.  Clearly Swagger is set on a run for the WHC.
18. Ryb-Axel (16) – When Ryb-Axel gets the cheap win, you know things are not going your way.  This is one of those wins you’ll see added to the list of achievements when Ryb-Axel become the champions.  Just do it now.  Make them the champs so we can get it over with.  The sooner they become the champs, the sooner the loose the belts back to The Usos.  
19. Xavier Woods (N/A) – X-dub seems to be able to grow hair like a chia pet.  He’s raw and his gimmick sucks.  He looks like Sideshow Bob with a beard.  He’s the solution, cut the hair, keep the beard (because it actually makes him look hard) and still keep the basics of his gimmick that he’s a well educated man.  God forbid the WWE play against stereotype and have a menacing black man be the smartest guy in the room.  But then again, the WWE is getting competition from ABC’s Black-ish for most racist show on TV and you don’t want to drop a title like that so keep letting Xavier Woods look like a fool.  The WWE will not loose the racial insensitivity trophy without a fight!  
    
20. Fandango w/ beaten down Layla & Damien “White Swan” Sandow (N/A&7) – Sandow’s got gigantic balls for all the world to see.  Make fun of him all you want but the crowd was still chanting, “Let’s go Sandow!”  I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when the idea was pitched to Sandow.  To his credit, he’s taken each of these potential disastrous gimmicks and has made the most out of them.  Fandango on the other hand, well…not so much.  Sandow is great, they just need to find a story for him.  Fandango is stuck in this Dancing with the Stars / Fatal Attraction gimmick that has nowhere to go.  Fred mentioned this on the BEARcast - WrestleCast (found on www.worldofbear.com and iTunes), Fandango is a perfect example of someone going down to NXT to tweak or rework their gimmick and come back in six months.  Now is the time since Total Divas is off the air and if he’s still paired up with Summer Rae, you’ll want them back when the next season of Total Divas returns.
    

Honorable Mentions

3MB – 3 Tomato Cans for the remaining two members of The Shield to destroy and remind us all that 2/3 of The Shield are better than most.  Keep Cashing Check, boys.  At least you weren’t involved in any midget matches or gored in the crotch by a mini-bull this week.  

Vickie Guerrero – It’s always nice to see Vickie.  Not only does she do whatever they tell her to but it’s good to see that she still knows where Vince has the dead bodies hidden and they can’t fire her, yet.

Kevin Hart – If you thought Hart could get anymore airtime, think again.  Big coup for the WWE to get Hart.  He should be able to have some fun with whomever they put him with.  I’ll go out on a limb and say he and Big Show will be thrown together.  I’ll go even further and say we’ll be seeing Hart riding Big Show like a wooly mammoth from Game of Thrones.  

Zack Ryder – Not only did this poor bastard have to sit through the Lana / Rusev opening, but you knew he was going to get crushed.  It’s called “the pine” Ryder, you should be used to sitting on it by now.

Side Note(s)

There were at least three (3) wrestlers watching TVs backstage this week.  Maybe I notice it more now that it’s on my radar but this must end.  Yet another sign of lazy writing.  Once is understandable.  A wrestler wants to check out his / her opponent, such as Big E watching the IC tournament a few weeks ago.  Now it seems like if there’s ever a wrestler involved in a story but not in the ring, they’re watching the TV.  I haven’t yet pinpointed the reason this bothers me so much but it does.  Here’s a great idea, during RAW, have a camera on the backstage TV and on the app we can watch the other wrestlers watching the action in the ring?!  It’s breaking the fifth wall of reality.  Mind = Blown!

Here’s a special shot for my boy Doron…

Until next time…