Coming at you from Baltimore, after watching the second greatest BCS Championship (nothing can top the USC / Texas game, don’t try to fight me on that) and then curling up for what promised to be an exciting RAW, it was a long night for this old Bear. With a good night’s sleep, I’m ready to christen in the New Year and the beginning of the 2014 Power Rankings! Old School RAW was appropriately titled. It had the look and flavor of an Old School WWF/E event. Even my girlfriend commented on the cool retro look of the WWE signage. The only problem was it was much more of a “show pony” than actual good show. I’ll never say NO to seeing former greats come out and give the show an added boost, but we still have a Royal Rumble just a few weeks away and the story must go on. The other small complaint, which I’ll get into later, is that some of the former stars that were from the Attitude era, can’t really be Attitude-y on todays WWE’s PG shows. This is how we get The Godfather leading a stable of old guys out to the stage instead of his usual flock of hookers & hoes. By the time Wade Barrett got done with his schtick, you could see the former Superstars wondering, “Is this what we came back here for? I better run to the bank to make sure this check cashes.” But by the end, the WWE was able to shine by putting on some really solid matches and bringing out the biggest reclamation of Superstardom in Jake “The Snake” Roberts. Anyone who’s read the dirt sheets and watched Beyond the Mat will tell you the likelihood of ever seeing The Snake on WWE television, or even alive for that matter, was slim to none. He’s rehabbed himself with the help of DDP and it was great to see him back out there looking well. Having said all that, facts and matches about the upcoming Royal Rumble were just being flung at the audience like a Jameis Winston 2-yrd TD game winning TD pass (see what I did there). Info like Batista entering into the RR, which would usually have a little pomp and circumstance, was just tossed at us. Over and over and over and over again. BTW, did you hear Batista was entering into the RR? Even with screen time being precious, the WWE was able to get in some quality matches and move forward their main story lines. So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 1/06/2013…
FYI, no (previous) rankings apply because 1) it’s new year and 2) the last two weeks were throw aways; both things add up to a fresh start:
- CM Punk – Other than winning a championship, could anyone have had a better night than Punk? Basically called a living legend by a living legend (Piper). Piper was throwing “pipe-bombs” when they were coconuts. Introduced by one of the best hype men ever in wrestling (regardless if you liked Road Dogg the wrestler, he knows how to work a mic) and thrown together with two of the few Old Schoolers, that can actually move faster than a snail’s pace, The New Age Outlaws and Punk made some key entrances AND Punk put on one of the best matches of the night. Punk and the other two members of The Shield, Ambrose and Rollins, have been great. I was a little worried at first because his match with Reigns got off to a slow start but by the end, it was full speed ahead which ended in a Punk loss (albeit predicable).
- Daniel “Bryatt” Bryan – I’m not sure if the Bryan is really the number 2 ranked wrestler this week because his overall performance wasn’t the best we’ve seen, especially recently, but his story has been the few to carry through the holiday season and is getting more screen time than any other (besides The Shield). Visually, he’s a perfect fit for the Wyatts. They gave him a shrunk blue version of Rowan’s mechanics jumpsuit and it worked fine. The match they were in was fine but not great. The best part of the night for Bryan was when he and the other Wyatts cut a promo backstage and we learned that Bryan and Bray would be teaming up next week. I haven’t yet consulted “The Oracle” but everything feels like a huge flip / revenge turn by Bryan on the Wyatts at Royal Rumble. I don’t know where either would go afterwards if that were to happen but I also don’t see where this “Bryatt” gimmick goes after a few weeks either. The whole thing is just odd because Bryan was such a huge fan favorite and was destroying audiences every week. It’s rare for the WWE to slam the breaks on an “over” star / gimmick before its popularity wanes. Yet another reason I’m guessing that a big double cross against the Wyatts would pop big and is what the WWE is building towards.
- The Shield – Blatantly playing up the “cracks in The Shield” story. Not too many performers could pull off such obvious storytelling and We as an audience would put up with it but Ambrose, Rollins and Reigns have been so spectacular in executing their rolls that I’m totally fine with it. Am I happy about The Shield eventually breaking up? NO. But everything has its time and while all three members have shown to be strong individual wrestlers, I’m sure The Shield will always get back together from time to time. Look at DX or The Four Horsemen. The WWE has done a good job of slow burning the breakup of The Shield. Even with Reigns victory over Punk last night, the other members could say he only won because of the distraction that the Ambrose and Rollins caused. As always, the story will continue.
- Goldust and Cody Rhodes – I’ll make this short. Can anyone believe how good Goldust looks and is wrestling? If this was any other sport, people would want him tested for steroids and HGH like Barry Bonds in 2001. But this is wrestling so I assume everyone is doing some sort of steroid or HGH. At one point JBL mentioned that Goldust IS Old School. He’s right! Goldust was on the scene before The New Age Outlaws, Rikishi and Too Cools of the world. Between the four wrestlers involved, Goldust / Cody / Swagger / Cesaro, Goldust was hands down the best performer in-ring. (And would be the best performer on mic if they ever gave him the chance.)
- RKO – This is where I have to throw in the current Face and Heel of the WWE. They didn’t do much but they came out and were, well…the Face and Heel of the WWE. RKO gets the spot above Cena because RKO is the current champ. He was truly boring but was spot on for his character. He came out. He whined. He brought back memories of Evolution (What, WWE, you couldn’t have worked the timing out so that Flair, HHH, RKO and Batista were all back on the same show? Would that have been too hard?). I’m not going to even bother complaining about the how’s or why’s RKO vs Cena part 2 at RR is lame because it is what it is. That’s the championship match and to be honest, the RR isn’t about the championship match. When you’re watching the Rumble, THAT’s where the focus is. Unless you’re in an unbelievable feud, which is rare, you almost don't want to be the champ at RR. You’d much rather win or put on a great performance at the Rumble.
- John Cena – Right behind RKO because he’s the challenger. This RKO / Cena match is being so downplayed that it definitely feels like it’s going to be Part 2 of a trilogy. If Cena pulls off this win, we could be set up for a final face off at the PPV between The Rumble and WM30. Lord knows it wouldn’t surprise me if Cena stacks his WM30 deck and also comes out to win The Rumble match but I think even for the WWE, that would be too much. I’ll give Cena props. The promo between Flair and RKO needed a little Cena thrown in to pick the energy back up. Flair is a legend but he’s also ancient. He was definitely petering out by the end and RKO can only do so much load lifting.
- Brock Lesnar w/ Heyman – I know Lesnar isn’t going to say anything, just as I know Heyman isn’t going to wrestle. What better duo is there? They are perfect for each other. I’m even more happy to have Heyman back than Brock. Maybe it’s because I know Lesnar is only obligated to a few matches per year while Heyman can turn any turd of a wrestler into someone I want to watch (look no further than Ryback & Axel). This is not to diminish Lesnar. Let me be clear, LESNAR IS A BEAST. He looks like he’s in great shape. He’s always been an underrated wrestler. If the WWE feels they need to build him back up after match ups against Punk and HHH in the recent past, what better way than to have him take out Mark Henry “The World’s Strongest Man” and the WWE’s “Giant” The Big Show. Knowing that Lesnar only has a few matches per year, I wonder what the end game is. Rumors are he’ll be facing the Undertaker at WM30, so to build him up as someone that can take out the biggest and strongest makes sense. You won’t hear much complaining from me when Lesnar and Heyman come out.
- The Usos – If you’ve read previous rankings you’d know that I love the Usos and want their roles to grow and grow. They are in line to being the next (or soon to be next) Tag Champs. Having said that, last night was probably their weakest performance in months. Granted, they’ve been stellar just about every time we’ve seen them and an off night by the Usos is usually better than other tag teams “A” games, I’m just saying tonight they weren’t the best. Maybe because they had to carry the corpse of Rey Mysterio around or because they were fighting a tag team in The Wyatts that have other things on their minds. Whatever the reason was, their match didn’t blow me away like usual.
- Big E Langston – He’s a beast. He’s agile and has a ton of potential. I guess his next feud will be with Ryback? Yet another WTF pairing but assuming Big E staves off the might of Ryback, that will propel Big E’s status. He’s handled smaller, more agile opponents but to now add a heavyweight in Ryback would just prove his worthiness. If he can pull out a few good matches against Ryback, he’ll shoot up the list of top wrestlers.
- Mark Henry – If jobbing to Lesnar is what the WWE feels they need to push Lesnar’s star, I get it. But on RAW, Lesnar “broke” Henry’s arm which would make be believe he’s going to be out for some time. The problem is Henry just came back, is on fire whether alone or teaming up with Big E and I haven’t heard of any real reason he needs time off? I went on to the WWE website and noticed that now they’re calling Henry’s injury a dislocation instead of a break. In wrestling terms, that means he’ll be back to normal by next week. Maybe I’m blowing this “injury” out of proportion? I hope so because Henry was really making waves over the past month. I’d hate to see that end.
- The Big Show – So we’ve got angry Big Show again. This is the best type of Big Show. Actually, the best type of Big Show comes in small doses, which is what we got as well. This Lesnar / Henry / Show triad is not going to be show stopping, especially if it ends up being a Lesnar vs Big Show 20 minute match. That doesn’t mean it can’t be a good match. If somehow Lesnar takes on both Big Show and Henry in a fairly quick / powerful match, then I could be sold.
- Alberto Del Rio – Welcome back ADR. It’s been a few weeks since we last saw you on TV. We’ve picked up were we left off. He’s been feuding with Sin Cara for the past few matches. They both have the ability to put on strong matches. There’s not much to say other than they have put on good matches but there doesn’t seem to be a payoff. I still think that there’s some gold (maybe not gold but enough turquoise stone for a Phillip Rivers bolo tie) to be mined in the “I’m the better Mexican while Sin Cara is the illegal disrespectful unworthy Mexican wrestler?” Pair him up with Zeb and / or The Real Americans and see if it sticks as a heel role. It’s not my first choice but it’s something. It could push the boundaries of insensitive gimmicks but there’s certainly been worse. Ask any wrestler what’s worse, a slightly racist / bigoted character with a paycheck or a gimmick that is never seen and you’re holding a ticket to the developmental territories? ADR is too talented of a performer to not have a spot on the roster. The creative staff has gone too long without developing a character for ADR.
- The Real Americans w/ Zeb – Give props to Zeb and his signage. Every good villainous manager needs a prop. Whether it’s a megaphone, whistle, cane, tennis racket, etc. all evil managers seem to have something. As usual, Cesaro was the standout performer of The Real Americans. Luckily we weren’t subjected to watching him swing his opponent around with that stupid move because it was during a commercial break…oh wait! We were because even though you could “only see this amazing move using the WWE app,” somehow they replayed it during the telecast. Once again, proving the app to be unnecessary. This all might change on Wednesday’s new’s conference, see below for my theory. Back to the wrestlers. Surprisingly, The Real Americans have stayed around. They’re serviceable as high end jobbers.
- Sin Cara – This guy is about one flip off the top rope from being knocked off the Power Rankings. His wrestling ability is there (or at least each person who’s worn the Sin Cara mask can wrestle) but at this point, that’s all there is. He’s a guy in a mask who can put on some cool moves. If he’s got a comic book about his, it’s got to be one of the most boring comic books. This guy doesn’t have a bad gimmick or personality, he has NO gimmick or personality. He’s a show. He’s a solid in-ring performer. That’s it. Fortunately or unfortunately, who ever’s played Sin Cara keeps getting hurt. The WWE has never had to deal with how they build his character. It looks like they’re going to have to if they plan on keeping him around.
- Rey Mysterio – Look, I don’t know how much Mysterio has left in the tank. I can’t tell if he’s working his way back into wrestling shape or just doing his last lap to thank the fans before he retires.
- Damien Sandow – Yet another wrestler that seems trapped. Fortunately, Sandow has the tools to create things out of nowhere. The well of “I’m smarter than you…” is deep and has been drawn on by wrestlers for 100 years. I don’t know if it’s an honor to be the guy who has to job to Sargent Slaughter each year but someone has to do it. I suppose it’s a step up from playing “Evil Santa” a few weeks ago. As far as the action on RAW, OOOHHHHHH how excited did I get when it was announce we were having a rematch of the Sandow / Khali hostilities! (my goal for the new year is pick a way of conveying sarcasm in text)
- Ryback – Didn’t nearly disappoint like Axel did but then again, he only had to talk (which for some can be even more disastrous). Ryback did an “OK” job on the mic as guest announcer. He was in character and went along with the program, the problem is that his character sucks. So do I blame Ryback 100% for being bad? HE, the man playing Ryback was fine. It’s the gimmick, or lack there of, that sucks.
- Curtis Axel – Can you hear that? It’s the death nails being hammered into the casket of Curtis Axel. They can literally bury him next to his father. Too far? Maybe, now I feel bad. Notice how I didn’t delete it though… Mr. Curtis Axel, only you have the power the change my perception. Ziggler and Sandow loose all the time but they still put on a worthy showing. Replace Axel with a sack of potatoes and I would be able to tell the difference.
- 3MB – I don’t even remember how or why Slater was off the show a week or two ago, which left 3MB as just 2MB. That’s how little I care. Do I find it disrespectful that they’re the ones chosen to job to The Old Schoolers (Rikishi and Too Cool)? NO. They’re jobbers. You go out and put over whomever the WWE tells you to. KCC (Keep Cashing Checks) is the name of the game. Just the same as I look down on a girl who’ll blow three guys at a random party but I respect a whore who gets paid to blow 20 guys in a day. “If you’re good at something, never do it for free.” – Joker, TDK
- Diva’s match – The Bellas vs Oksana / Alicia Fox wasn’t the worst wrestling I’ve ever seen. These girls are at least trying. I’ve watched PPV matches where you just know the wrestlers are counting down the seconds until the pin fall. I can say that Alicia Fox sure does do a lot of high energy flipping when performing her moves. B-cup-Bella is above average. Although I have no idea what the purpose for this match was and why we wasted our time with it when there’s wrestlers like Brodus Clay that I want to know what’s happening with? All I know is that I’ll never get back the 20 minutes of life that I wasted between the Old School six-man tag match and this Divas match. As I get older, I realize that I don’t have that much time left on this planet to waste on such things.
Honorable Mentions
Ric Flair – Wooooooooooooooooo! Greatness. (Life tip = Just say NO if you find yourself in any sort of financial setting with the Nature Boy.) Other than that, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Too bad they didn’t work just a little bit more of the Four Horsemen in when Arn Anderson
Did you hear the rumor Batista was coming back?
Rowdy Roddy “Hot Rod” Piper – A hero to all of us who love the villain. Now he’s become the king of anti-heroes, the original Walter White of wrestling. It’s hard for someone who’s made his career being the bad guy, now being cheered by the fans, to keep the back guy persona going. Luckily we have an up-and-coming slimy heel that could one day be the next great heel in Dean Ambrose. Ambrose has the greasy hair, the slurred speech and sour puss that is required of all great heels. It was great to have so many “bad guys” in one ring. By the end you had Piper, Punk, The New Age Outlaws and The Shield all together. 30 years and counting of great heels.
Batista is coming back.
My hero, "The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase
Rikishi – Would it have been so hard to figure out a way to put the Usos and Rikishi in the same match? I know Rikishi was part of an Old School tag match and he was wearing his son’s t-shirt but put the old man out there with his kids.
Did you hear Batista is coming back AND has entered the Royal Rumble?
Scotty 2 Hotty – Dude is ripped! They said he’s become a firefighter since leaving wrestling. I can tell you that he was never in such good shape while he was a wrestler. Good for you Mr. 2 Hotty. To my recollection, Scotty 2 Hotty was the leader of the WORM dance movement which we now see everyone doing / trying to do. I can’t tell you how much I hated the worm then and how much I hate the worm now. Nothing is less attractive than a hot chick trying to do the worm. No matter how many fires Mr. 2 Hotty puts out or kittens he saves from trees, I’ll never forgive him for being a forefather of The Worm dance is in pop culture.
Small under announced bit of news came out. Batista is coming back to the WWE. I didn’t know if anyone was going to announce it.
Grand Master Sexay – First off, I’m convinced that Jerry “The King” Lawler is a practicer of the dark arts. Don’t feed me this line of crap, that The King had a stomach virus on the same day that his “son” GM Sexay was to appear on camera. We all know The Kings affinity for facial reconstruction when he showed up on RAW 2002 with his facelift scars still showing. Now he’s taken it to a new level. I’m convinced that he’s transferred his soul / conscience into his next of kin. The King has found a way to cheat death! The end of days is nigh!
The Godfather’s new “PG” flock…
Lastly, hot off the presses…Batista is coming back! And he’s entered into the Royal Rumble! Shhhhhh, don’t tell anyone.
Side Note(s)
Will we see the much anticipated Shield vs Wyatt Family battle? It’s clear the fans want it. The problem is that both teams are on such opposites sides of the field and on such different planes, I just don’t see how they can get the two of them thrown together, with the right kind of hype, for an epic showdown at WM30? Stranger things have happened and if the night before WM30 comes and the two teams are thrown into a 6-man tag match, I won’t complain. But I would like to see a few shows of feuding before that match happens. If it ever does?
The biggest news, potentially, is this announcement on WWE.com Wednesday. What will it be? I don’t know. I try to stay away from the dirt sheets and rumors as much as possible to keep the Ranking’s pure. But if I were a betting man, I’d say this will have something to do with either the long rumored WWE channel or a WWE / Netflix-like venture. A monthly subscription service that will allow you to watch all the various WWE content (which includes all the ECW, WCW and everything else they’ve bought up) and show the smaller PPVs. This can cut down on the frequency of the PPVs, cut down on the overall cost to fans (the Providers take 50% of the PPV fees) and let the WWE control almost all its content. I’d still suspect that they’ll have RAW on cable each week because thats how most of the world keeps up with the WWE and I suspect that the major PPVs will still be on standard provider based platforms. WM, Summer Slam, Royal Rumble and Survivor Series (maybe one or two more) are still big enough draws that you’d want them to be able to reach as many eyes as possible. Netflix is growing but it still isn’t accessible or is accessed by as many people who have cable or satellite already in their homes and hooked up to their TVs. They’re bringing in some heavy players on the corporate side and the wrestling side so it will be interesting what this announcement is. Would I pay for a Netflix-style WWE service for $10-15 per month in lieu of eight PPVs at $40 bucks a pop? Yup and happily. Especially if you get all the past content and bonus content and DVD specials.
And who doesn’t love an appearance by Mean Gene? It takes me back to Saturday mornings.
Until next week…
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