WWE Power Rankings, RAW 2/24/2014

Coming at you from Green Bay, the last 24 hours in the WWE has been epic.  I was about 1,000 words into what the new WWE Network could mean to wrestling fans and the future of television when I realized that I’ve got last night’s Elimination Chamber, tonight’s RAW and next month’s WM30 to talk about.  So I’ve scrapped all the financial and multimedia talk for another day.  There’s too much great (and not-so-great) wrestling to cover.  Let’s not waste any time.

Last night’s Elimination Chamber was an odd bag and hard to rate.  I loved it and hated it.  Everything went as planned but due to the execution I didn’t wasn’t totally disappointed.  There wasn’t one thing from EC that varied from expectations.  Not one title changed hands and every match went exactly how I thought it was going to go.  As predicted, the match of the night was The Shield vs The Wyatt Family.  It ended exactly as I thought.  The Wyatts won but the match was a great 4 out of 5 star match.  ONLY 4 stars, you ask?  That’s because I wanted more.  The match ended with a clean finish and was everything I’d hoped it would be but it could have gone on for another 3 to 5 minutes with a few more close 1-2-OOHHHHHs.  Think of the Undertaker / HBK matches except the Undertaker winning on the first tombstone piledriver.  A great match, better than 90% of what we usually see, but it could have been squeezed for that extra little bit juice.  It set itself up for a perfect Shield / Wyatt part 2 but as we’ll see that doesn’t look likely to happen, unfortunately.  When the match ended, three things hit me; 1) I wanted more, 2) this should have been the main event, and 3) Rollins was the clear MVP of the match.  After the first few minutes, I literally stopped taking notes and just enjoyed the match.  The chants from alternating fans of “Let’s go Shield” vs “Let’s go Wyatts” was amazing.  Each wrestler seemed to bring out the best in the next guy (Rowan and Harper had their best matches).  We even got a old fashioned Spanish Announce Table demolishing.  What more could you ask for, other than another match?

Everything went as predicted, as with the case of the Elimination Chamber match itself.  Almost to who started the match and in which order did everyone come out.  My friend Dustin came up with the perfect analogy.  “The Elimination Chamber is exactly like the Royal Rumble with all the good parts taken out.”  Instead of 30 guys it’s only 6.  Instead of not knowing who each contestant is (which is half the fun) you know who they are weeks in advance, no surprise entries.  Instead of when the clock hits 00:00 whomever comes running down brings new life to the match, each of the four next participants are just standing around in a phone booth waiting to be unlocked (which the light flashes around like an old Simon Says game - this was pre-video game shit).  If you ever DO get to see all six contestants in the ring at once (which never happens) it feels clogged by being in the weird cage / floor / booth setup, while you can have 10 wrestlers in a rumble match and it still doesn’t feel too squished in.  Cesaro had the best energy and continued his dominance but fell short, but take note to how the crowd was behind Cesaro.  When it was Cesaro / Sheamus / Bryan, Sheamus seemed a step slow and dragged the match down.  The Sheamus / Christian feud we could see coming from a mile away.  When the Wyatts came out to interfere with Cena, it was welcomed with a “Thank you Wyatt” chant.  Kane interfered with Bryan, at which point I texted Fred “The Oracle”, what’s the point of having a cage in this match?  In the end, RKO won.  

Even when the Usos lost to the New Age Outlaws, they had a post interview that was just like, ‘yeah it sucks but we’ll win it at WM30 which is going to be way better, no biggie.’  That’s not to say they didn’t have a good match because it was.  It just was predicable.  

Now that EC is done, and with no surprises, our roadmap to WM30 is pretty much locked down, Usos vs NAO / ‘Taker vs Lesnar / Bryan vs HHH / Batista vs RKO / Cena vs Wyatts / probably 3-way with the Shield / Sheamus vs Christian…what non of this excites you?  Yeah, me neither but it’s what we’ve got.

What is exciting is the WWE Network!  I spent most of Monday playing around on it and it is great, so far.  The pre and post RAW shows were fun.  It’s interesting how the commentators are in the “WWE” world doing analysis and not factoring in that this is a scripted show.  It’s really fascinating to watch.  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 2/24/2014…

SPECIAL NOTE:

Due to the fact this show was so packed with the return of Hogan, Lesnar and Undertaker, along with the launch of the WWE Network, there wasn’t enough time to devote to the smaller characters.  For this week only, I’m cutting the Power Rankings off at 15.  I can already hear the tears of disappointment cascading down.  You’ll see some of the other wrestlers and performers that had an impact but weren’t deserving to be a part of the main countdown in the Honorable Mentions.  We must have standards!  Usos / NAO barely made it onto the list but they’re champs and the soon to be champs.  The Emma / Santino / Summer Rae / Fandango contingent are examples of people who get to be in HM this week.

1. Bray and The Wyatt Family (1) – Bray delivered his most coherent shoot towards Cena.  The crowd was hyped.  The Wyatts had interfered with two Cena matches and even cost him a championship title shot at WM30 (no one costs Super Cena a championship match, especially at WM, and survives).  Suddenly everything turned on a dime.  It looks like Cena really injured his knee which depending on what the doctors say, could put him on the shelf for a while.  The only silver lining is that after the fantastic Shield / Wyatt match at EC, no one would complain to see it again.  Sometimes when one side of a feud goes down, it takes down both sides because the healthy wrestler has a hard time finding a new superstar(s) to jump into a feud with.  Luckily, it seemed that The Shield was headed toward a feud between the three of them which can be put on hold and allow for Shield / Wyatts part 2 (3, 4, 5, etc… is fine with me).  Besides, The Wyatts were in danger of being over-booked by feuding with Cena and still having not totally resolved their squabble with The Shield.  Sometimes if you spread a popular character(s) across too many story lines, it can backfire and cause none of the feuds to reach their potential and the crowd can get burnt out.  
   
    
2. The Undertaker (N/A) – The Deadman will rise in the spring…  Just like Puxatony Phil, the Undertaker pokes his head out in February to see who he’s going to fight in spring at the Grandaddy of them All, WrestleMania.  If you look at the current landscape of the WWE, there really isn’t any worthy challenger that would make better sense than Lesnar.  Undertaker vs Brock Lesnar is something that the WWE can put at the top of the WM30 card and get the casual wrestling fan to order the PPV.  While us marks could think of a few different options, nothing is as striking to the general public than this matchup.  And to my fellow marks, don’t be down on this match.  It may seem like just an old man fighting an MMA guy but you’re truly a fan, you know both can put on a great match.  Given the last few ‘Taker matches have been awesome and Brock has been fully engaged, even against the likes of Big Show, this should be a great match. This might be too high of a rank for a normal return but this is the UNDERTAKER.  We wait all year for this.  Respect.
   
3. Big E (9) – I liken Big E to a young Scott Steiner.  Not the skinny “high-flyer” of the Steiner brothers but not Big Poppa Pump either, somewhere right in the middle.  I’d even stretch it to Taz 2.0 with more athletic ability.  He’s so strong and so quick and just a tad short, which makes him feel undersized compared to the huge strongmen in wrestling.  His match with Cesaro was great.  A feud between the two, fighting over the IC belt, leading to a conclusion at WM30 would be great.
4. Cesaro (3) – You can “win” even when you loose a match, as Cesaro did last Monday when Cena beat him.  We’ve discussed how hardly anyone remembers who wins the EC match, and even fewer people remember the loosing participants.  I feared that Cesaro’s resent push would have been for nothing with a poor or even workman-like performance on Sunday.  Pleasantly, Cesaro did really well at EC and continued to impress, even in defeat.  But now that you’ve lost twice what are you going to do?  Where are you going to go?  Who can you feud with?  Luckily the WWE made the great decision to start a feud between Big E (who defeated Cesaro’s Real American teammate Swagger).  Cesaro’s got great in-ring talent and a feud with Big E should be awesome.  This was evident by the match we got on RAW.  I would be extremely happy to see this feud carry into WM30 but Cesaro’s character has to make a choice; 1) double-down on the Real American gimmick or 2) break free of the Zeb and Swagger and cultivate his own persona.  I’d go with the former, and the quicker Cesaro and Swagger can get through their mandatory fight in order to break-up can’t happen soon enough.  I want to see more of Cesaro and Big E go at it.  It goes to show how good Cesaro is that his two biggest move, his finisher the “Neutralizer” and the “Cesaro swing,” are terrible but he still puts on great matches.  Fingers crossed that Cesaro finds a something that works because the fans are only going to be behind you for so long.
   
5. The Shield (2) – Oddly, The Shield was the one set of characters that I wasn’t sure what their WM30 plans were going to be.  Everything was looking like a 3-way match at WM30 but they hadn’t quite established it yet.  The WWE was right at the beginning stages, by having Ambrose having some vague excuse for why he didn’t return to the ring after Bray took him into the crowd during their match at EC, which “cost them the match.”  That was all before Cena got hurt and left the Wyatts searching for something to do at WM30.  I’d never root for a real life injury but if the Cena injury causes The Shield to hold it together for another month so that they can have a rematch with The Wyatt Family, maybe it’s the wrestling gods answering our prayers.  Since the Bray vs Reigns match was the last match of the night, it allowed the writers to quickly change Ambrose’s roll from intentional interference which would cost Reigns the match, to Ambrose interfering in order to save Reigns and Rollins from getting beat up, which accidentally caused a DQ.  I know it doesn’t seem like a big different but it’s huge if you’re going to keep The Shield together for a little longer.
   
6. John Cena (4) – Everything was going well for Cena.  While he wasn’t going to headline WM30, he was able to establish himself as the “Face of the WWE” and that any new talent had to “go through him.”  This was looked like it was leading to a fight between Cena and rising superstar Bray Wyatt.  Unfortunately it seemed as though he seriously injured his knee.  I give him tons of credit for finishing the match and hope he’s not out for too long because although I love to root against him.  The WWE is better with him involved (even when he’s “Super Cena”).  
   
7. Randy Orton (5) – Even though his appearance was short, he was spectacular on the mic and with his expressions.  He’s the last true heel in the WWE and he did everything but beg Batista to grab the heel brass ring.  Obviously, there are some backstage that notice the boos Batista is getting and sent RKO out there to flat-out shoot this fact.  All Batista had to do was take the bait and lay into the crowd.  Tell them “he doesn’t care about their feelings and they can go to hell and he’s winning the title despite them,” BOOM, now you’ve over RKO as the heel which would provide some emotion rather than the current ambivalence.  RKO can be like Cena in which he rises to the level of his opponent, except RKO has much more natural in-ring skills.  If RKO equal’s Batista’s talent and effort at WM30, we’re in for a long lumbering main event that can’t get finish soon enough. I don’t know anyone who’s excited for the RKO vs Batista Main Event at WM30.  The WWE Universe can only pray that CM Punk is pulling the ultimate shoot and will return to get involved with this match.  It was interesting that RKO paused to let the CM Punk chant crescendo instead of trying to simply dismiss it from the start and talk over it.
   
   
   
   
8. Daniel Bryan (8) – Clearly being thrown into the void left by CM Punk.  Bryan is great and he’s beloved by the crowd but he’s no CM Punk.  Just because they’re both undersized, hardworking, overlooked talents doesn’t mean they can play the same role.  His personality seemed to flip to this super angry and disrespected employee who’s just now decided enough is enough and wants to get his revenge on HHH who has been keeping him down.  This is all fine, but where has it been for the last year that The Authority has been keeping him down?  I understand HHH wanting to be in WM30 and there’s no doubt that these two can put on a great match.  It just doesn’t make sense that NOW’s the time for angry, pissed off Bryan.  It’s so clear that this role was set up for Punk and now Bryan is just filling in.  This swap might be even more insulting, to think one Superstar can easily take the place of the other.  Now, if he came at HHH saying that, “Look, I know you want to stand in the limelight of WM again and you thought you could set up Punk to help you get there, but I’m not Punk and I won’t be your pawn just so you can get on the WM30 card,” that’s a story.  Flip the script on HHH! 
   
9. The Usos AND The New Age Outlaws (6/7) – If I could bet on wrestling, the lock of the year would be that the Usos will win the tag straps at WM30.  If they weren’t going to win the belts at EC, what better way to win their first championship than at the biggest show of the year.  Part of the reason that it’s not driving me, and the rest of the WWE Universe, crazy that they haven’t won the belts yet is because their matches with the NAO have been really solid and their mic work / banter has been getting better and better.  The Usos have had the in-ring skills but now you can really see their personalities grow.  There are far worse things than having the NAO mentor them.  Aside from already being backstage managers / bookers, the NAO most likely had a relationship with the Usos from when they were kids and their father, Rikishi, was fighting Road Dogg and Mr. Ass.  This has been a surprisingly good feud and will establish the Usos for whatever they do next.  And maybe it’s the NAO great swan song?  The reason I squeezed the two together was that their match was so quick (and you know my feelings on clean win by title challengers) that there wasn’t even enough time to dedicate two separate sections.  If you blinked, you missed the intro and match, which was all just a lead in for 10 minutes of watching Jerry “The King” Lawler futz around on his iPad showing off the Network.
   
10. Brock Lesnar w/ Heyman (N/A) – Once we saw that all the wrestlers who had a chance to go against ‘Taker were being set up in their own matches, it was clear the rumors of Brock vs ‘Taker were no longer rumors.  Even with Heyman trying to sell the gimmick, who else but The Undertaker was going to come out and challenge Brock Lesnar.  If he wasn’t going to fight for the championship, the Undertaker match is the next best thing at WM. 
11. Alberto Del Rio (HM) – ADR finally beat Batista.  But let’s not bury the lead, ADR finally won a match!  Unfortunately, ADR can’t catch a break because even his victories are lame.  After months of loosing and weeks of being destroyed by Batista, ADR finally got a win over Batista but it was only due to simple a simple distraction by RKO.  If we’re going to say to Cesaro that not all losses are bad losses, than we’ve got to be fair and tell ADR that not all wins are good wins.  ADR has lost his mind.  I’m torn because I wish they’d find a good gimmick and feud for ADR to participate in but at least he’s out there on RAW unlike Ziggler, Miz, Kofi, Sandow, Clay, and many other deserving wrestlers.  It’s the old adage, “Is it better to job on RAW and loose or is it better to win all your matches on the other shows that no one watches (or win at house shows)?” 
    
12. Batista (HM) – Where do we begin?  The only people who don’t realize that Batista needs to go heel, like yesterday, is the WWE and Batista.  The crowd can’t boo him enough.  It was magical to see him exchange punches and ADR got the cheer pop on each hit and Batista got a “boo” pop on each hit.  You had to love it.  The real train wreck came once RKO interrupted the match and caused Batista to loose.  I’ll always give a wrestler credit for doing a shoot / promo at the end of match because it must be exhausting to fight and then get on the mic.  Having said that (which is code for, “now I’m going to rip you”), Batista was all over the place.  RKO served up the heel turn on a silver platter.  Batista tried to pull off the Cena, “I don’t care if they cheer or boo, as long as they’re making noise,” shoot.  Needless to say, Batista is no Cena.  What came out of Batista’s mouth was some nonsensical ramblings about being real and him booing and / or cheering the fans right back?  That’s right, it made no sense.  To top it off, Batista sucked in the ring.  From the first bump, he was slogging around and fell over like a sack of coffee beans. Batista did had a great accidental line, which he should use ALL THE TIME, which is when he said, “Deal with it!”  Be a heel and tell the booing public, “Deal with it!” and just Batista-bomb everyone. 
    
13. Christian (13) – My brain tells me that I should be enjoying this Christian / Sheamus feud but my heart just isn’t in it.  Both men are giving a good effort.  Both pulled off some fairly high risk moves, jumping from the top rope or diving outside the ring onto the floor.  I just don’t care.
14. Sheamus (12) – Fred “The Oracle” made a great point, Sheamus was the one who lost the most by CM Punk walking out on the WWE.  Rumors were that Sheamus was going to get into a feud with Bryan at WM30 to make up for the one minute match they had two years ago at WM.  When Punk left and Bryan being pushed into his slot vs HHH, Sheamus is stuck being lumped in with Christian.  What was going to be a heel turn and subsequent feud with one of the hottest baby-faces in Bryan, is now just a boring matchup with Christian.  Someone will need to tell me what their beef is with each other?  
15. Korporate “Wife-beater-and-dockers” Kane (11) – The feud with Bryan looks to have run its course.  If Bryan has moved on to going after HHH, then Kane is really on there to get in the way.  I love the executive gimmick and if he wishes to go back to that and move to the next feud, I’m ok.  Stripping down to the wife-beater, slacks and dress shoes should be saved for the LAST OPTION, not week after week in matches.  If he’s going to be a full time wrestler, put the mask back on and bring back the monster.  The threat that the monster could come back (i.e. the mask in the glass case waiting to be broken “in case of emergency”) is much more dramatic.
    

Honorable Mentions

Hulk Hogan – Back from a seven year hiatus.  Oh, the places he’s been in, TNA and BTLS’s ex-wife.  Booyah!!  Did think I’d get that in, did ya?  Just like Hogan got it in with Bubba’s wife! BOOM, there it is again.  Anyway, with two new hips and a nice golden glow, it was nice to see Hogan in full Red & Yellow / All American Hero / Brother gimmick.  It’s cheesy, it’s old but it’s what I grew up on.  “When it comes crashing down and it hurts inside…”  Really, what the fuck does that mean?  Who cares?  I love it!  I also appreciate that he’s just going to be the “host” of WM30 instead of trying to shoehorn him into a storyline or god forbid a match.  Welcome back Mr. Hogan.

Soul Patrol – This week wraps up Black History Month, Tony Atlas and Rocky Johnson was a nice conclusion to WWE’s tribute.  Luckily February is a short month and they didn’t have to search for any…let’s just say questionable…black characters to recognize.  But enough backhanded compliments.  The truth is, I’d love to see Soul Patrol now!  They were before my time but looking at the old footage, they had the size, speed and skill that would have made them immensely popular.  It’s amazing to see how much Rocky Johnson is in his son, The Rock.  The Rock is literally Rocky Johnson 2.0 from charisma to looks and to in-ring flair and skill. 

Alex Riley – Last seen on the back of a milk carton.  The real question is, With all the TV time Riley got before and after RAW, who would you say is doing better; Alex Riley or The Miz?  While Miz is struggling to get air time (don’t feel too bad for Miz, he just married Maryse this month), Alex Riley killed it on both shows on monday night.  

Diva’s Match (Emma w/ SAN-TIN-OOOOOO vs Summer Rae w/ Fandango) – Another match that was squeezed in due to time constraints.  I still have high hopes for Emma.  Not because of her dancing or possible love story with Santino (ok, I do want Santino to find love, I’m a sap) but because of the NXT clips we’ve seen of her.  She seems to have skill.  Yet another good thing about the Network, we’ll get to see more of wrestlers like Emma who may just be the next great female wrestler.  Or at worst, the next sexual conquest of Santino. 

Alexander Rusev w/ Lana – There is no reason that Rusev isn’t wrestling.  He debuted in the ring at Royal Rumble and needs to be in there fighting.  What better time than during the hype of the Sochi Olympics?  I understand the #BadNewsBarrett gimmick not getting in the ring and pissing people off, but Rusev is no Wade Barrett (boy, does that sound weird).

Side Note(s)

I know the Network is still in it’s first days and things are going to evolve, as everything does, but one of the things the WWE got correct from the start was the presentation of the Pre and Post RAW shows.  I’m not talking about content because that’s a different topic.  The show emulates pre-game shows for NFL and NBA games, as you’d see on FOX, CBS, ESPN, etc.  The question is should they live in the “WWE” world or the real world.  Again, a topic for another time.  The staging and production of the show is great!  If you’ve ever been to a live show, you know the WWE tapes their other shows prior to RAW and Smackdown.  It was great to watch the commentators discuss the upcoming events on RAW while real life matches were going on in the background.  They’d even check in on matches from time to time, assuming they needed a few minutes for production breaks.  I’m very critical that we don’t get to see Kofi and Sandow more often on RAW and we still didn’t BUT it was nice to get to see them in action, even for a moment, because I’ve never watched the Superstars show which is what they were taping.  This is one of the advantages of the Network, allowing the WWE window to open a little more so that we can see the wrestlers that we like but aren’t on RAW.  And vice-versa, some of the “buried” wrestlers will have more opportunities to be seen and hopefully get a push.  Don’t forget, not all “buried” wrestlers are because the WWE doesn’t like them.  It’s often a production issue.  There’s only so much time on RAW and not everyone will get a spot. 

Until Next Week…

Tweet me at @wkbear

BEARcast - Elimination Chamber preview 2014-02-21 LIVE special edition

BEARcast - WrestleCast 2014 02-21 with Fred "The Oracle" LIVE - Elimination Chamber preview

While I'm just a few more clicks away from getting the regular podcast up and running, you know we had to throw a special Elimination Chamber preview together.  Fred "The Oracle", fresh of a business trip, stopped by for a very special LIVE recording.

Please enjoy.

If you have any comments, questions or advice feel free to Tweet me at @wkbear

Thanks,
WK

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 2/17/2014

Coming at you from Denver, I smoked a big fat bowl of “Sour Diesel Kush” so I could get in the same mindset as the fans in Colorado.  

Now where was I?  Right, we’re ranking the top potato chips… No?  Top candy?  No, that can’t be right because it’s Hot Tamales and nothing else.  What was I doing again?  Man, I’m hungry…  Is anyone else thirsty.  I’d give my left arm for an eye drop of water.  It’s as if all the moisture has left my body.  I think there’s a half bottle of Pepsi that’s been sitting in my car for a month; I’ll be right back.  I’m back but suddenly so, so, so sleepy.  Maybe a nap?  A quick nap sounds good…zzzzzzzzzzz  Wuh, huh, I’m up.  I’m up!

Oh yes, sorry, WWE Power Rankings!  Kids, say NO to drugs.  They’re a gateway…gateway to fun, being cool and having sex.  You don’t want a part of any of that, now do ya?!  Whatever you do, stay off the dope.  This has been a public service announcement from The BEAR.  

Enough fun and games, let’s get serious.  We’re just days away from the Elimination Chamber (EC) PPV and there’s no time to mess around.  Today we are going to talk about comic book characters!  That’s right, I’ve been underwhelmed with the last few weeks of RAW and what better way to liven things up than to mix two of my favorite things, wrestling and comic books.  It was going to be current TV characters but we’re early in the year and with shows like Banshee in mid-season and The Americans set to premier in a week, I’m going with a comic book themed mash-up tonight.  Fear not, I sense a TV mash-up coming very soon (there’s only so long that you can hold off the Bray Wyatt / Rust Cohle analogy).

We’re on the precipice of the penultimate PPV before WM30 (shit, I think I just used up all my big words for the night).  I’m torn.  While I’m usually a tad skeptical of openings that feature replays from the previous week, I’ll give tonight’s “cold open” with Cena the benefit of the doubt because we need to mix things up from previous week’s rhythms.  Although, recent history has been that the “go home show” prior to the PPV has been weak.  Stagnation is never a good thing so I’ll lean towards a little anarchy and say we need something a little different tonight.  With the PPV on Sunday, I assume the WWE needs to fit a lot into tonight’s show and I’m sure I’ll raise the word count with comic book references.  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 2/17/2014…

1. Bray and the Wyatt Family (1) are The Chunt Brothers – Starting off with a “deep cut.”  Minor characters out of Garth Ennis’ epic Preacher saga.  I had to dig to find a trio just as screw up and crazy as the Wyatts.  Close your eyes and picture “The Hills Have Eyes meets the LSU offensive line with a little bit of Duck Dynasty mixed in for flavor” and you’ve got the Wyatts and the Chunt Brothers.  Even the biggest Wyatt detractors must have been grateful for them to dismantle Los Matadores and Sin Cara.  The Wyatts took center stage and were included in at least three separate segments.  Even though I don’t generally like the Jumbo-tron promo, The Wyatts pulled off a great one.  The show finished up with a free-for-all and got everyone’s beak wet for this weekend’s Wyatt / Shield showdown.  I’m so excited, I’d pay just to watch this one match.  It should be tremendous.  The only thing that might take away from the match is that this is probably where The Shield finally breaks up.  I expect something to happen where The Shield members turn on each other and set up for a WM30 matchup.  But I’ve been saying this for the last two PPVs so hopefully I’m wrong again and the Shield and Wyatts put on a clean match.  This should be the main event at Elimination Chamber.  Who cares about the actual EC match?
   
2. The Shield (2) are Batman’s Robin(s) – I prefer to just call them the Bat-family.  They’re all awesome, they’re all trained to be the best, chosen to be the heir apparent of one of the trinity of DC legends, have a familial rivalry but when they come together are near unstoppable.  Reigns is clearly Dick Grayson, Rollins is Tim Drake and Ambrose steals the Damien Wayne slot.  Reigns / Grayson (Nightwing) is poised to be the heavyweight champion.  Everyone expects that when The Shield finally split, Reigns is the one who’s going to challenge to be one of the all time great Superstars.  He’s got what the WWE looks for; size, skill, looks, charisma, etc.  This isn’t taking anything away from the other two.  As a mark, I’m more interested in Rollins and especially Ambrose.  Fred “The Oracle” compares Rollins to Brian Pillman, who died before he could sustain true fame.  I think Ambrose could follow in the line of heels like Piper and Punk.  As Grayson has aged in the comics, he’s taken many of the traits that makes Batman so great.  He’s recently even dawned the roll of The Dark Knight while Bruce was dead / lost in time / somewhere (it’s comics) and filled in perfectly adding his own flavor like Reigns is set to do as the next Rock or HHH.  Rollins falls into the Tim Drake (Red Robin) role.  He may not have the size but he’s got all the skill that’s needed.  Rollins was the one of the three that people weren’t sure could make it as a singles wrestler but has proven to be more than capable in-ring and on the mic.  Ambrose is a brat just like Damien Wayne (Bruce’s son and latest Robin) and does everything he can to make you hate him but in the end it turns out he’s one of the best ever.  Whiny, arrogant and a little crazy but also extremely talented.  Ambrose is going to be the heel that every mark loves.  I’m so glad we’re going to get the Wyatt vs Shield match that EVERYONE’s been waiting for, and that’s been teased since Survivor Series, before The Shield breaks up.  Although it appears the end is near for The Shield as a whole, just like the Bat-family, I wouldn’t count out that they get back together when times are tough.  
3. Cesaro (9) is The Vision – Cesaro did his part to step up and claim the void at the top of the card but unfortunately, whether it was Cena or the WWE, it was decided that he not get the win on RAW.  A great match (and win) against RKO on Smackdown and another fantastic showing on RAW should indicate that Cesaro is getting a major push.  He’s still being shackled with the Real American gimmick but the problem is what else has he got?  Like Marvel’s The Vision, he’s the perfect android.  He’s everything you’d want from a technical wrestler and can put on great matches and pulls out top notch work from even the most burdensome opponents.  But what’s his persona?  Why should I cheer or boo him?  Being a part of Zeb’s Real Americans hasn’t helped him because he’s not…what’s the word…AMERICAN.  With Swagger, you can see that Zeb represents the white, good old boy, southern America or the conservative Tea Party.  Whatever you think of the gimmick is a different story but it works for Swagger’s brand, not for Cesaro.  It doesn’t make sense.  Assuming he’s got to make a split with The Real American tag team to go after the championship spot, what am I supposed to be cheering for?  I appreciate a well wrestled match but I don’t know what direction to go with Cesaro.  Normally I don’t like when the WWE tries to push a wrestler towards being a heel or face but with Cesaro, his character doesn’t move the needle in any direction.  In this occasion, I need some help.
   
4. John Cena (7) is SUPERMAN – Who else did you think I was going to compare Cena to?  Superman has been on a bit of a downswing in recent years.  All the various Superman comics have been average at best and with the rise of other characters, his popularity has waned with the hardcore fans.  Just as Cena is the true “Face of the WWE”, Superman is the face of DC Comics and the comic book industry in general.  The Superman logo is one of the top five most recognizable signs in the world.  Cheer for them or boo them, without Cena or Superman, each industry suffers when they’re not prominent.  This has only been reinforced of late when Cena was out for a short period of time and even marks like myself started to miss him.  As with Superman, while the new Man of Steel movie wasn’t great, it was serviceable and quickly pumped life into the dead Superman franchise.  Again, this week, Cena makes another “call to arms” to the rest of the WWE roster.  I have no problem with Cena calling out the roster and push them to step up but then when someone does step up like Cesaro did, to have him loose after putting on a spectacular match makes no sense.  What would it have mattered if Cena lost to Cesaro?  I’ll give Cena credit, with a lot help from Cesaro, he put on a great match.  Excellent reversal DDT and a shockingly good ending where Cena flipped onto Cesaro and then rolled up into the AA for the finish.  Quality work. 
5. Randy Orton (5) is Superboy Prime – (Any comic nerd will tell you that RKO’s doppelgänger is Marvel’s Ultimate comic’s Captain Mahr Vehl, but that’s probably too nerdy for our purposes but trust me that’s the first choice) Who is Superboy Prime? He’s a sick, twisted version of our dimension’s Superman.  He’s got all the powers and abilities of Superman but so desperately wants to be the best and garner all the accolades world’s greatest superhero should receive that he destroys everything around him and the world despises him.  RKO has the looks, the talent and the showmanship that should make the perfect face but it’s his arrogance and self entitlement that makes him the great heel that he is.  RKO and Cena are more alike than they are different.  It’s a thin like that separates kids and women cheering for Cena and anarchist older male marks cheer for RKO.  A thin line and the ability to wrestle (although this week Cena did have a good match).  The WWE has done just about everything to make you believe that RKO is going to loose at EC which makes me hold to the thought he’ll be victorious and face Batista at WM30.  It seems that’s what the WWE has had planned for months and my brain says they stick to the script.  
6. Jay of The Usos (3) are Scott (Cyclops) and Alex (Havok) Summers – Is it too lazy to grab the most famous mutant set of brothers for this mash-up?  Maybe but it works.  Admittedly, the Summers brother don’t get along as well as The Usos but when Cyclops and Havok are on the same page there are few forces on this earth or in the 616-universe that can withstand their onslaught.  The Usos are ready to win the tag belts.  This was only the second time that I could recall either of the Usos getting mic time and Jimmy was fine.  Jimmy is nowhere near Road Dogg’s mic talent but as was pointed out several times, he’s half RD’s age.  For Jimmy to hold his own was more impressive than Jay’s work in-ring against Mr. Ass.  I was hoping that The Usos wouldn’t have to wait until WM30 to get the tag straps and EC might just be their time.  Then again, WM30 isn’t that far off and it would be so special to win your first championship at the biggest show of the year.  Either way, if by the day after WM30, The Usos aren’t the tag champs, I’ll be pissed.  They’ve earned it.      
7. Billy Gunn of The New Age Outlaws (14) are Booster Gold (Gunn) and Blue Beetle (Dogg) – Once again we dip into the G/D/M Justice League days.  Just like the NAO, Booster Gold and Blue Beetle get better with age.  Even up until recently when (SPOILER) Blue Beetle had a bullet put through his head by Maxwell Lord (see, I told you Zeb was a bad guy) these two were still tearing through the DC universe and causing trouble.  Also like the NAO, BG and BB had the ability to kick ass.  I could have also gone with Quantum and Woody but let’s keep it old school for the Old Age Outlaws.  Surprisingly they won the title and even more surprisingly they’ve been able to defend it.  They’ve had their fun.  Gunn and Dogg have been able to stand in the center of the ring one more time but now it’s time to give up the tag title to the next generation of Superstars.  I tip my cap to the NAO and thank them for their hard work. 
8. Daniel Bryan (6) is Marvel’s Hawkeye – There’s no better, cooler and more fun comic than Matt Fraction’s current take Hawkeye.  Even before Fraction’s current Hawkeye run, Marvel’s purple marksman has been on a hot streak.  Don’t let his diminished roll in the Avenger movie fool you.  In the comic books, Hawkeye is one of the top characters.  Even though he’s basically a normal dude (except he’s said to “always hit his target” or some bullshit like that), between his rolls in the Ultimate universe, Avengers and Secret Avengers he’s become a huge fan favorite.  He’s the smart, witty underdog that puts everything on the line even when he’s facing off against aliens, gods and super villains who should easily kick his ass.  Should Bryan have a chance against Cena, RKO or Kane?  No but what he lacks in strength he makes up for in skill and willpower.  Look, I can’t really explain why Bryan and Hawkeye are so popular.  Both characters just have that “it” factor.  Combined with the talent and unrelenting drive that an underdog must have, they’ve made it impossible for the WWE and Marvel to NOT put them in main events and on the Avengers.  While it seems that Bryan has taken CM Punk’s place as foil to HHH, it also wouldn’t shock me if Bryan wins the title at the EC match or is somehow placed as part of the main event at WM30.  Talk about being an underdog?  Bryan’s chances of beating both Batista and RKO in some variation of a championship match would be incredible.  And the fans would be screaming YES! YES! YES! the whole time.
9. Big E Langston (N/A) is Luke Cage – It strange to say this about a real man vs a comic book character but I think Big E is more muscular than Luke Cage has ever been drawn.  Both seem indestructible.  Both started off as bad guys / paid enforcers turned face.  Both are now getting huge pushes.  Big E has the IC belt and 2014 is set to be a breakout year for Mr. Langston (which has now been dropped from his official name).  Luke Cage has been involved in all the recent Avenger books for the past few years and is on the short list to be made into a series on Netflix through a deal that Netflix has with Disney.  I’m constantly impressed with Big E.  The logistics of a 2 on 1 match are tough, Big E and 2-of-3MB were able to pull the match off and keep it quick and interesting.  A job well done.  
10. Mark Henry (15) is The Thing – I tried not to overthink this.  It was a tough call between The Thing and The Hulk.  Any fan of Mark Henry can tell you that underneath the monster lies a sweet gentle soul that’s ready to laugh and be a part of the joke.  Ben “The Thing” Grimm was bestowed the body of a monster but deep down he’s the heart and soul of the Fantastic Four.  Sure, when the need arises, both Grimm and Henry can take the persona of an unstoppable wrecking machine but they can also have fun and be one of the guys. Whether it’s practical joking with Johnny Storm or being the ringleader of the superhero underground card game, The Thing is more than just brute force.  The same can be said for Henry.  Who impregnated Mae Young with a hand?  Who was Sexual Chocolate?  Who had everyone fooled that he was retiring last year only to pull one of the greatest double crosses in WWE history?  Mark Henry.  Henry’s not really involved in any current storyline but was a perfect opponent to help set up, what seems to be, The Shield’s final run before splintering during the Wyatt / Shield match at EC.
    
11. Korporate Kane (19) is Deathstroke – When Kane is wearing the mask, he’s the monster.  Just like when Deathsroke is wearing the mask he’s the worlds deadliest assassin.  Take off the mask and Kane become a shrewd korporate heel.  Under Deathstroke’s mask is Slade Wilson, a man who can use up to 90% of his brain’s power (while we normals use something like just 3%).  Similarly, Kane and Deathstroke are never as great as we remember.  Both characters always seem to be in the shadows and seem to be a huge threat but then they come out, do their thing and usually end up on the loosing end.  Kane only won the WWE championship once at a PPV and ended up loosing it the next night.  Could this pic be proof of a greater conspiracy?  Kane, with a CM Punk sign and picture of a wolf (as in a wolf hidden in Korporate clothing)?  Huh?  Huh?  Or maybe I just need to go to sleep.
    
12. Sheamus (10) is X-O Manowar – You may not know X-O Manowar, a Valiant publication, but trust me when I tell you that it’s awesome.  I loved it in the 90’s and since they’ve re-launched it, its been even better.  He’s probably too cool of a character to be compared to Sheamus but it’s the closest thing I can think of.  One’s a Visigoth warrior abducted by aliens and finds a suit of alien technology which turns him into an unstoppable weapon.  The other is the “Celtic Warrior” who is easily stopped by the fear that he might spontaneously combust if hit by direct sunlight.  Cheap shot, I know.  Watching him wrestle against RKO (one of the most well tanned men in the WWE) makes you doubt that they’re both part of the same Caucasian race.  Cheap shots about skin coloring is about all I have.  Sheamus has only been back for a few weeks and hasn’t done much.  He’s been thrown into the EC and has no shot of winning.  I’m guessing he’ll start up a feud with one of the other EC participants and that’s who’ll he’ll battle with through WM30.
13. Christian (10) is The Winter Soldier – SPOILER, the Winter Soldier is Bucky Barnes (former Captain America sidekick).  Presumed dead, Bucky lived and was brainwashed to being a villain (I’ll leave it vague so as not to spoil the upcoming Cap2 movie too much).  Christian was once partners with Edge and they had some great runs together.  Edge had to retire due to injury but Christian remained and had to find his footing as a singles wrestler.  Like the Winter Soldier, Christian has found new life as being the villain.  Assuming that all the other EC match participants defeat RKO, Christian was the only one to not get a clean win over the champion prior to the EC match.  RKO’s win over Christian was either a mistake, it’s a red herring that could lead to a surprising win at EC or nothing at all.  Edge was seen as the “star” when their tag team broke up but Christian proved to be the better wrestler.  Besides, you’ve got to give Christian credit for being brave enough to mock Bryan’s YES! chant.  I’m only half joking but it sure seems like the other wrestlers are afraid to come out against Daniel Bryan but not Christian.
    
14. SAN-TIN-OOOOOO w/ Emma (16) are Guy Gardner and Ice – These two love birds come straight out of the Giffen / DeMatteis / Maguire - Justice League days.  Guy Gardner is absolutely one of the most underrated superheroes in the DC universe, just as Santino is one of the most underrated and underused wrestlers in the WWE.  At this point, I doubt we’ll ever get a sustained “serious” run for Santino.  If you ever get a chance to watch him in a real match, not just some goof or prop match, you’ll see a wrestler with real talent.  Hell, even in some of the goofy matches he’s put in, they’re fun to watch because Santino is so good.  The fact that he’s never broken his stupid Santino Marella character is testament to how committed the performer is.  Now he seems to have yet another romantic fling starting with new Diva, Emma.  We’ll have to see if these two crazy kids can make it last…  
    
15. Fandango w/ Summer Rae (17) are Sebastian Shaw and Emma Frost – A powerful and fierce competitor in the ring but wrapped in the pageantry and flare of Dancing with the Stars, Fandango fits perfectly with old school X-men villain The Black King, Sebastian Shaw.  Forget the movie version, the comic version has Shaw (one of the most powerful mutants ever) dressed in a victorian-era costume and looks like one of our founding fathers, wig and all.  Back before she became head mistress of The School for Gifted Youngsters, Emma Frost was the White Queen and was romantically involved with Shaw as one of the most evil power couples in the Marvel universe.  Continuing with their current dancing / wrestling feud with Santino and Emma, Fandango took it upon himself to cockblock the new love bird’s first kiss.  What kind of asshole doesn’t root for love?   
    
16. Jack Swagger (9) is Jack “Nomad” Monroe – Nomad was Marvel’s weird / emo version of Captain America.  Needless to say it didn’t work.  AAAAAANNNNNDDDD he-was-recently-killed-and-stuffed-the-trunk-of-a-car.  But never mind all that.  Point is, Nomad is the dark / 90’s portrayal of Cap because the All American version was thought to be to goody-goody for the flannel wearing grunge audience.  Swagger goes from The All-American American to The Real American.  Captain America is now patrolling the boarder and el kabong-ing illegals with his shield.  Swagger is caught in a bit of a pickle.  You can’t really go back to the super aggressive / macho bully jock (see Zeb’s ranking on those pitfalls) and I don’t see the extreme right / Tea Party gimmick lasting (but what do I know, I’m a west coast city liberal).  Swagger is served as a douce.  In 2014 it’s hard to be a douce and not offend some group.  Offending groups is not usually what public corporations set out wanting to do.  BUT, as I say that, if the WWE totally embraces the “entertainment” aspect of wrestling (entertainment, not sport, is what they claim to be) then why can’t they write a bigoted / insensitive character?  If they’re going to play middle of the road, then they’re never going to get a big pop up or down.  What better way to start the racist douce character off than against Big E in a battle for the IC belt.  Seems like Swagger is going to get crushed.  That’s my prediction. 
17. Kofi Kingston (N/A) is Daredevil – This one is too easy.  Is there any question who’d be Daredevil?  Kofi is the most athletically gifted performer in the WWE right now.  He’s going nowhere but he’s the most exciting wrestler going nowhere.  From his amazing spots at Royal Rumble and TLC PPVs to his weekly high energy matches, Kofi is the best.  It’s a shame he’s being buried along with the likes of Ziggler and The Miz.  I might have thought that his friendship with CM Punk might be the reason WWE isn’t giving Kofi anything to do but they weren’t giving him anything to do prior to Punk’s departure.  I’m happy that Cesaro is getting a well deserved push but what does Kofi have to do to get a push?  There’s a call to all wrestlers to step up and fill the main event card, but meanwhile Kofi sitting there jobbing to Jack fucking Swagger.  Kofi’s got more charisma and character than Cesaro already.  Just give Kofi a little bit of that mean streak he had a few years ago, along with his in-ring abilities, he’s ready for the top tier.  
18. Zeb Colter (9) is Maxwell Lord – Who?  Just the evil villain who posed at the head of the Justice League for a short time and who as leader of Checkmate tried to use his mind control powers to destroy the heavyweights of the real Justice League, by ohhhhh just taking over Superman’s mind and having him beat the crap out of Batman.  Nothing big or anything.  A threat so huge that Wonder Woman felt the need to twist his head like a MAGlight flashlight.  I enjoy making fun of the Tea Party as much as the next liberal (Colter is meant to be a heel representation of all that’s bad with the Tea Party and the Hard Right) but I’ll forgo standing on my soapbox this time and stick straight with Zeb’s managing worries.  Both his horses of the Fox News apocalypse are heading in opposite directions.  Cesaro, who was always an odd reach to toss in with The Real American gimmick, could be ditching Zeb for his shot towards the main event.  Meanwhile, a few weeks ago, to keep up his heel persona (due to the “we the people” chant starting to catch on in a good way - scary, I know) Zeb started smacking around his football-type player in Swagger in order to “motivate” him.  This plot was a little iffy for the WWE to go down with their huge support of non bullying and everyone is special campaigns.  It certainly isn’t going to work while the Jonathan Martin / Richie Incognito / Miami Dolphins storm is still swirling and picking up steam AND the debates by sports talking-heads argue over locker room and team working conditions with Michael Sam, the first openly gay football player, about to enter the NFL draft.  In years past, all this controversy would have been low hanging fruit for Vince and staff to exploit but PG / publicly owned WWE is a much different environment.  Cesaro leaves for greener pastures and Swagger bolting because he stands up for himself, might leave Zeb without a team to coach?  Who could he possibly join up with and use his heel powers of persuasion and would create the oddest of odd couples????  Oh, Oh, I know!  ADR!!!!  Crazier things have worked.
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
19. 2 of 3MB - Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre (N/A) are The Great Lake Avengers – In every comic book company there’s a team of losers.  DC, Marvel, Image, Valiant, etc. it doesn’t matter, they all have a handful of stupid characters that need their own support group.  While you might whisper the “great lakes” part, you can still say you’re an AVENGER!  3MB continues to cash WWE checks.  No matter what I say or how I make fun of them, I’d trade spots with them in two-seconds.  There’s no messing around right before a PPV.  Tonight, they brought out the big time jobbers. 
20. Los Matadores w El Torito and Sin Cara (N/A) are the original Skrull team, since turned into cows – The Skrulls are a race of shapeshifting aliens.  Their original scouting party sent to earth consisted of four Skrulls.  Yada, yada, yada…Mr. Fantastic tricked them into shapeshifting into cows and wiped their memory which left them stuck as cows.  The divine hand of god could not a better comic book mash-up have been planned.  The Matadors, their bull and the person calling himself “Sin Cara” were all formerly different people and wrestlers.  Like Reed Richards did with the original Skrulls, Vince McMahon has somehow tricked all four humans into portraying absurd characters and has wiped any kind of self-respect or dignity from their temporal lobes.  I imagine that these four guys walk around in full costume 100% of the time.  I don’t even believe that these four think they’re anything other than their characters.  Traveling from town to town, only stopping where the WWE tells them that their services are needed.  Rodeo clowns that are never able to wipe off the makeup.  I don’t know where they’ve been hiding the last few weeks but luckily The Wyatts were able to send them back their livestock trailer.
    

Honorable Mentions

#BadNewsBarrett – Get. In. The. Fucking. Ring.

Goldust and Cody Rhodes ( ) – Finally a Rhodes brother promo!  So what kind of promo do we finally get after all this time having Goldust silent?  A toy commercial.  That’s right, a toy commercial!  Sometimes you’ve got to wonder who’s signing off on the smaller segments.  Not only do they throw Goldust and Cody into some weird childhood flashback but they have The Gold One in near full Goldust weirdness.  Again, trying to sell knockoff Lego toy sets.  In this PG world the WWE performs by, no one is told what’s the deal with Goldust.  He’s just “weird” and they can barely say that because they don’t want to offend anyone who may be part of Facebook’s 56 gender options.  By the time Goldust was talking about butterfly wings on his pet hamster Gerdie, I thought he was referring to a Smashing Pumpkins album.

Titus O’Neil – For his first solo promo shoot, it wasn’t half bad.  He looked great in his suit which we all know is half the battle.  I’m surprised they’re breaking up the Primetime Players seeing as how it seems The Usos will be the champs soon and will need an opponent.  What’s done is done.  I expect a good match between Titus and Darren Young.  Quick question; how can Darren Young’s nickname be No Days Off when I haven’t seen him wrestle in about two months?  They may want to wait to bust that nickname out until after he’s had a run of at least two weeks in a row being on TV.  Just saying.

HHH / Batista / Alberto Del Rio – What ADR should be saying is, “If this is the stupid shit I have to put up with, I’m not waiting until my contract is up, I’m quitting right now!”  Unfortunately, ADR can’t curse and I think he’s going to keep cashing those checks.  I know rumors are that ADR will retire but I doubt it.  He’s too good and he makes good money.  He’s another one, like Kofi, who can easily step up to the Cena locker room callout but is jobbing to a lesser foe in Batista.  Speaking of Batista, I love this screen shot.  Not only does it have The Shield coming down from crowd but someone has the greatest Batista “Boo This Man” sign.

Ron Simmons – I caught the tail end of his career and mostly saw him as the leader of The Nation and half of the APA.  Even near the end, Simmons was known to be one of the stiffest wrestlers in the biz.  To see him battle Vader (another notoriously stiff wrestler) for the championship makes me think those must have been some of the roughest matches.  That pales in comparison to think that it was Ron Simmons who was the first black wrestler to win the world championship.  Yes, I know it’s all fake and planned out.  Which makes it even worse that no black wrestler had won the world championship prior to Simmons.  This pic doesn’t do it justice but the kid in the front row leaps from about five rows back and almost clears the metal barricade when he’s jumping around over Simmons’ win.

Side Note(s)

‘The Elimination Chamber can end the career of any Superstar’ paraphrasing Mr. Cena.  I’m sick of hearing this bullshit.  It was cute at first, when we first started seeing combatants entering daunting structure, but it’s not been around for 12 years and no one’s career, life or reputation has been destroyed by the EC.  “Hell in a Cell” still carries weight because we’ve seen awesome and gruesome matches that literally seemed like hell.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking to be thrown around a Chamber any time soon.  There just isn’t a match that sticks out in my mind where I can say, “OHHHH, do you remember that time when ______ did _______ to _______ in the Elimination Chamber.”  I’ll give you three guesses to who won the EC match last year… yeah, I couldn’t remember either.  It was Jack Swagger, who’s now a part of The Real American tag team.  That win sure propelled him over the last 12 months.  (here’s my umpteenth plead to the world for sarcasm type!)

Until Next Week…