WWE Power Rankings, RAW 9-16-2013

“Hello, Cleveland!” (Will that line ever get old?  Will I ever be able to say that line out loud without using a British accent?  The answer to both questions is no.)  Coming at you from Cleveland, a night after the Night of Champions (NoC) PPV.  With the frequency of WWE Pay-Per-Views and the more life throws onto my plate, it is harder and harder to watch every PPV.  So while I didn’t watch NoC live last night, I got the rundown and have my secret sources to watch it online.  But let’s face it, PPVs are great and for the die-hard wresting fan it’s the last bastion to find actual wrestling matches (not just 10 minute quickies chopped up with commercials), but that’s all a PPV is, wrestling matches.  For purposes of this Power Ranking, a PPV can mostly be served by reading the results.  The irony of a good PPV is that it really shows who is a good “wrestler” and can tell a story within a match; and who are the wrestlers who need the writers to tell their stories and are just big guys throwing each other around a squared-circle.  Two examples are Heyman and Ziggler, who are both great, but you’ll see what I mean.  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 9/16/2013...

1. HHH (1) – Congratulations MLB, you’re now behind the WWE in use of instant replay for it’s officials... I’ve been around long enough to see the “fast count” be used before but, again, you have to hand it to this new era of writing staff, HHH and Stephanie to work the “fast count” and bring instant replay together.  Let’s also give it up to the WWE “both” because they were on point with the clips and footage.  There’s nothing more awkward than a wrestler or promoter saying, “let’s see the clip” and just standing there with 15,000 people live and millions watching a blank screen.  I almost want to...(see honorable mentions).  HHH using “fast counts” and “conspiracies” is lost on the young.  Any older fan will / should be laughing at this because HHH is trolling us.  For years HHH was the “back-room mastermind” on many dirt sheets and “locker-room manipulator” by people “in the know” (I know, I’m using too many “ ” this week, but if you could see me, I’m doing “bunny ears” as well.  Life imitates art and art imitates life.)  I know it’s easy to keep HHH in the #1 slot but each week he’s going out there and doing something new and different to push the main story and getting his hands dirty in the smaller story lines as well.  Even at the PPV, I liked how there was to be “no interference because I want to make sure you’re the right choice as face of WWE” as said to RKO.  It’s actually very mature storytelling.  It would be easy just to say, here’s the face of our company and the little guy is the underdog.  But then he adds the next level of, “hey I can only do so much, I need to KNOW that I’m making the right decision.  I’ll bend the rules for you but RKO, you now need to go out there and prove you can beat Daniel Bryan on your own.” (paraphrasing weeks and hours of story for you)  This is next level shit boys and girls.  Next level, I tells ya!  He’s worked it to having total and absolute control of the top strap in the WWE.  We’re now more invested in who HHH is going to put AS the Champ vs who IS the champ.  (Which then give credence to all the “mastermind / manipulator” stuff, but now he’s the actual owner so he’s supposed to do this stuff.  My mind is starting to overheat.  Back away so no one gets hurt it case of explosion.)
2. Daniel Bryan (2) – Crowned the new WWE Champion last night (To all those who may not know, there’s a big difference between the WWE and World champion. While “World” might sound bigger, nothing is bigger than “WWE”, at least in the eyes of Vince McMahon.  The WWE Championship is the belt you want to have.)  He’s stripped of the title and again thrown under the bus.  Two wins and he still hasn’t “kept” the belt.  This will only work for so long.  His final winning of the belt will be either awesome and well earned or be pushed to far.  HHH and staff are walking a fine line, but I’ll trust them.
3. Heyman (8) – Heyman can’t wrestle.  He doesn’t even try.  This isn’t a Vince or Shane McMahon gimmick, where he really does try to put on a good wrestling match.  Heyman is a talker.  That is his weapon and he knows it.  “Know thyself.”  If anyone embodies this it’s Heyman.  He ran ECW.  He knows how to tell a story and who he needs to be.  This is his flaw when it comes to PPVs which centers on in-ring capabilities.  He, and the writing crew knew enough because they let him “fight” with his words on the PPV.  Then, just as Punk is about to serve him his justice, right as Punk says, “I’m going to break your face!”; Ryback sneaks in and breaks Punk through a table.  Classic ECW, BTW.  To top it all off, to be carried out of the PPV like a dead tuna was just too great.  Like I said, he knows himself and isn’t afraid of making the joke and being the joke.  For a non-wrestler to pull all that off at a PPV and he’s been killing it on RAW, he’s getting a top spot. “We all know how many heathens are here in Cleveland.”
4. CM Punk (9) – Takes a great table shot at the PPV.  I’ll stop complaining about him not being a heel for now.  He’s now a money generator for the WWE and with Cena out, they need people to fill the face void (for good or bad, Cena put in a ton of work as the face of WWE and carried that load well).  The WWE is in the money making business, not the make Willie happy business.  Put on good matches, have a good feud and perform good promos, what more can I ask for.  
5. Dolph Ziggler (10) – Moving back up the charts because he’s just that good.  Win, loose or whatever.  He puts on great matches.  He makes others better.  Even though his “character” isn’t as strong as it was, he’s still outworking to overcome everything against him.  No gimmick, no story and a heel that the crowd cheers for.  All of that and I still don’t fast-forward through his matches.  As I mentioned at the beginning, he’s one of the wrestlers that is great on a PPV.  He can put on a match and whether you’ve seen the weeks leading up to the PPV or you’ve just turned on the match, he tells a story with his in ring ability.  You can turn on a Ziggler match and be totally entertained.
6. Dean Ambrose (7) – I’m breaking up the Shield this week, and only temporarily, because 1) he put on two great matches with Ziggler at NoC and RAW, 2) been killing it on his own, which was a surprise to many that he’s broken out as the best of The Shield (so far) and 3)...
7. The Shield sans Ambrose (7) – Rollins and Reigns of The Shield put on a great match of their own vs the Primetime Players.  From their collective entrances from the stands to their in ring work; The Shield has been killing their opportunities.  They very well could be the next DX or Horseman.  Tip of advice, keep it small and tight.  Don’t go down the NWO line where there’re more NWO members than “other” wrestlers.  Remember when it was the NWO vs The Rock and Austin.  Yeah, that was bad.  Is there a way to forget about NWO B&W / RED / Mexican, other than electroshock therapy?
8. Randy Orton (3) – Even though he’s doing great and I like where he’s headed, you cannot loose to Bryan Daniel and NOT fall a few spots.  It’s OK, win a few matches and you’ll get back to the top.  He certainly put to rest anything thoughts of RKO loosing his vicious streak.  He destroyed Miz. 
9. Cody Rhodes / Dusty Rhodes (4) – You’ll only get one good shoot from a legend per year, if that.  Enjoy them while they’re still around, and able to put together coherent (or as coherent as they’ve always been) promos.  Cody owes his family a big thank you for filling in for him while he’s on his honeymoon.  Even bigger props for the Rhodes family for being ABLE to fill in and do so well.  From Goldust to The Dream, you can’t ask for much better.  Goldust’s match was a little better than The Dream’s promo but you’ve got to give it to the old man for taking an albeit very fake bump from The Big Show.
10. AJ Lee (11) – Off the cuff, “there’s a lot of yelling or is that just a cat being banged against the wall.”  God, I hope that’s her coming up with those lines and not some writer in her ear 100%.  I’ll ride-or-die with AJ as long as she’s against anyone from that taint-lick of a show, Total Divas.  
11. The Wyatt Family (5) – I’m soooooo glad they made a brief appearance.  I didn’t want to take them off the list.  They’re so good and hot right now that I’ll keep them at #11 just for making a promo.
12. RVD (16) – Ricardo Rodriguez plays a good, if not odd, ring announcer for RVD.  The man always deserves a proper introduction.  Mr. Monday Night.  Mr. Pay-Per-View.  The Whole Fucking Show.  Rob. Van. Dam.  My buddy Fred threw out the idea of RR being a mole for Alberto Del Rio.  It would seem unlikely since he didn’t turn on RVD at the PPV and he held the chair for the Van-Terminator but we’re not exactly talking Breaking Bad level writing.  WWE writing might be at an all-time high but let’s not forget it’s still wrestling.  WWE easily gets higher ratings than Breaking Bad each week.  Let’s remember who the show is written for.  Considering that, I like the eventual turn by RR hanging over the RVD / ADR feud (possibly throw in Sandow, I won’t complain).
13. Damien Sandow (15) – I think we finally see a plot for Sandow.  He’s the holder of the World Championship MITB so it makes sense that he first starts to fight with RVD which will lead to a three-way for the championship, a straight feud with ADR or a classic MITB-end-of-match-run-in.  “You’re Welcome” 
14. The Big Show (14) – Slow and steady wins the race.  He’s got tremendous talent (acting-wise), he’s willing to do anything storyline or in-ring (Remember the failed powerbomb by Nash, which almost killed him?) and he’s just so BIG.  Unfortunately, I’ve never loved any of his plots and he’s not exactly nimble in the ring.  Keep working hard and totally embarrassing yourself and you’ll keep rising the ranks.
15. Ryback (N/A) – Yes, he’s very Goldberg-y.  But to call him a straight rip off would be unfair.  He’s more and can be so.  Although I wouldn’t want to owe my life to him, as Heyman claims to be indebted to.  Also, the part about hating bullies?  Wasn’t Ryback the one bullying people for the past month?  “Oh, sweet irony.”  
16. Tag Teams (N/A) – I’ve always been a fan of TRUE tag teams.  Teams like Demolition and The Legion of Doom were always favorites of mine.  For so long all wrestling has ignored the old school tag teams in favor of individual wrestlers.  I can understand if it’s better for business and possibly the individual to be a WWE Superstar but a true tag team and tag-team-moves can be very good and fun.  Usos, The Shield, Primetime Players, Wyatt Family, etc.  These are good times for tag teams.
17. Fandango (19) – OK, if we’re all being honest here, it doesn’t NOT help that he brings out Summer Rae with him.  Also, I’m coming around on the “joke” of Fandango BUT only as long as the WWE sees it as a joke.  Make his entrances bigger but cheaper looking at the same time.  
18. R-Truth (20) – See, I knew I was right to put R-Truth on my list last week.  He’s always been a good (but seemingly stiff, as in hard hitter) wrestler.  His plots and characters have never really done it for me.  Maybe a pairing with Miz and a feud with Fandango is what he needs to just wrestle and let the story take place around him.
19. The Miz (18) – Miz, Miz, Miz...You know all too well not to hug a family member before a show, that’s the kiss of death.  To have your parents ringside, you might as well just hit yourself in the head with a steel post and get counted out outside the ring.  Rookie move bro... (And the “deal” that got you happy was to face RKO?!  No, no, no...You want to face a jobber when in front of your home crowd, not the guy trying to prove he should be the champ and has a chip on his shoulder.)  I hope Miz’s mom knows this is all fake.  She didn’t look like she was taking his beat down well. 
20. Curtis Axel (17) – Great job wheeling out Heyman out.  It’s not fun when you loose to CM Punk, is it?

Honorable Mentions

WWE Production Crew - Hey, I’m a man of my word.  Good work does not go unnoticed and good job by yous guys.  Really, they put on a live show every Monday (not to mention all the taped hours during the week) and every three weeks have a PPV.  In the past, you could always count on a production error or gaff but these days the WWE Production is pretty flawless.  It might not be on the level of Sunday / Monday Night Football but I can’t think of a harder or more demanding production schedule.  I tip my cap.  Just to prove how easily something can go wrong but usually doesn’t, is the incorrect Damien Sandow music being played when RVD won the match.  This is an all encompassing show production and unlike other sports, the WWE controls everything you see.  At least with Football, the players and the teams are responsible for the on field action.  The fact that every second of a 3-hour show isn’t a total clusterfuck is quite the accomplishment.  

Stephanie McMahon – I alway figure that SM is a part of HHH when doing these rankings but some nights, as with tonight, she comes out on her own and kills it as well. Great job with The Dream.  I’ll take the Bed, Bath and Beyond gift certificate.  I’ve got a 10% off coupon to make that gift card go further.

Los Matadores – The one thing I can’t stand is how long the WWE builds up some wrestlers’ debuts.  We’ll be hearing about The Matadors for weeks and when they debut it will be almost impossible for them to live up to the hype.

Side Note(s) – Give it up to literacy.  I guess WWE is really serious about getting kids to read.  Using words like “abeyance” as the status of the WWE title should make every middle school English teacher happy.  Just like when my Spanish teacher was surprised that I could suddenly count to ten in perfect Spanish when I got into my Lucha Libre phase and chanted along with the crowd as someone was being pummeled in the corner.

Is it too much a leap to say that Ryback Rules include same sex marriages?  Leave it up to Heyman and Ryback to creep people out on gay rights.  The real looser is gay rights.  They were doing so well.  I’m sure GLAAD was like, “Guys, it’s OK, we don’t need you on this one.  There’s enough homo-erotism in wrestling, we don’t need any help.” 

At the end of the show, when all the wrestlers from the back came out to help Daniel Bryan, did anyone else get pumped for what should be a very good Royal Rumble in January?  There’s a lot of talent and good story lines going.  If this continues, Survivor Series might be watchable again for the first time in years and the Rumble will be awesome.

Until next week...