WWE Power Rankings, RAW 5/19/2014

Coming at you from London, and both the WWE and myself made trips home to visit our “parents”.  While the WWE went to visit London, I found myself in the old hippie mountain community of Idyllwild.  My parents decided not to retire in the metropolis that they’ve lived in for the past 60+ years (and where I live) but instead have chosen to grow old and die in some remote artsy-nudist colony in the woods 6000 feet above sea level.  Like the WWE, I sucked it up and traveled to their home to entertain them for a few days and to make sure they know we still love them.

Back to the WWE’s return to the British Isles.  You’ll find I use the term “British Isles” a lot because I don’t know crap about the geography of England and the surrounding countries that make up the ancient lands were our forefathers descended from.  Most of what I know stems from movies and television shows.  As far as I know, Doctor Who is still fighting William Wallace over same sex marriage rights of the Merry Men of Sherwood Forest and Brad Pitt is the reigning underground fight champion.

WWE is on a European vacation and like the Griswolds, they’ve been a bit lost for the past few weeks but have started to find their way back on track.  Letting wrestlers wrestle, fleshing out the Shield / Evolution feud, using the Beat the Clock gimmick to give the mid-carders something to do (albeit a lame gimmick and resulting in subpar matches, it gave screen time to a handful of wrestlers) and some other positive moves that we’ll get into on the countdown.  

The greatest help for any WWE show is a smart and hot crowd.  When the WWE travels, the crowds are almost always filled with marks because this might be the only chance all year that the hardcore fan gets an opportunity to see a live show.  The diehards flock to the shows and you’ll usually get a crowd similar to the night-after-WM RAW audience.   Also, the fans tend to be regional which means that Sheamus, Paige and Barrett will get huge pops.  

The other point of business that must be addressed is, what’s going to happen with Bryan and the WWE Heavyweight Championship?  A poll I put up on www.ringsidenews.com resulted with a King of the Ring-style tournament as being the voters top choice.  I couldn’t agree more because on the BEARcast - WrestleCast (which can be found on iTunes or www.worldofbear.com) two of the fantasy bookings I push for most are a new Corporate Nation and a new version of The King of the Ring.  We got very few details from Stephanie but it seems like next week’s RAW will shed more light on to what is going on with Bryan and the Championship.  The WWE is very lucky that Kane is Bryan’s current opponent and he 1) wasn’t a real contender to win and 2) is such an established wrestler, didn’t have much else going on and near retirement that his character could essentially be put on pause.  Could you imagine what would have happened if say Bray Wyatt was set for a huge match with Daniel Bryan at Payback?  The WWE got very lucky.  Or it shows how poorly the main WWE championship picture is, that we don’t really care? 

So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 5/19/2014…

1. Bray and The Wyatt Family (3) – Last week The Shield tried to pull off a “cold open” but it didn’t have a great impact on the viewers at home.  I know I’m nitpicking but The Shield’s entrance works much better when they’re music hits and they come down through the crowd.  The Wyatts, on the other hand, are perfectly suited to start off in a blacked out arena, siting in the center of the ring.  It took a trip across the pond (or at least an audience full of marks) to get the Wyatt Army in full swing.  I know the WWE doesn’t want Bray and The Wyatts to be faces but if you’re going to blackout the entire arena and have everyone use their cell phones like lighters at a Lynyrd Skynyrd during Freebird, you’re going to get some face heat.  BUT, that doesn’t mean they couldn’t play the “bad-face” card.  It’s a difficult task, and recent WWE writing doesn’t inspire great confidence that they can pull it off, but NWO did it.  DX did it.  Even Ziggler did it when he was WWE Champ with AJ and Big E at his side (god forbid the WWE remembers that).  It can be done.  This week’s RAW also proved that you don’t always need to push the theatrics.  Maybe the WWE and Wyatts have earned the fan equity, to which the Wyatts have built-in the darkness to their character, using simple lighting and a dark arena with the fan’s lights was a better effect than herding in 100 kids with sheep masks to surround the ring.  Let’s not skip over Harper, who has been showing a lot of promise.  Right as I was thinking this was a pretty good brawler match, Harper pulled off a flurry of high-flying agility moves.  To finish the match, Bray whipped out some of the fastest Sister Abigails ever seen.  As far as RAW endings, going out with Bray singing, Harper counting down and Cena laid out for a 10-count, this was excellent.  Too bad Payback isn’t this Sunday.  We’ll be running this same thing back next week.  Finally, can we call Harper’s power move a “Moonshine Driver” instead of Michinoku? 
   
2. John Cena w/ the Usos (2) – If you listen to the BEARcast - WrestleCast (cheap plug for www.worldofbear.com) you’ll know that Fred “The Oracle” got his wish for the crowd to start singing “John Cena sucks…” in rhythm to Cena’s theme song.  We learned that the Bray / Cena match at Payback will be a Last Man Standing match.  Initially this sounds like a good match but then it hit me that Bray will win via help from Harper and Rowan, which will mean this feud will continue and not end at Payback.  Bray needs to move past Cena.  Ironically, Cena is benefiting more from this feud than Bray is.  Bray’s hot and could challenge for gold or go against anyone.  Where does Cena go after this Wyatt run?  If Cena looses at Payback, this feud will be tied at 1-1 and will continue to the next PPV.  Don’t tell me this lasts until SummerSlam?!?!
   
3. Rollins w/ Shield (1) – The Shield do what they do best, a backstage / bowels of the arena shoot.  Dean Ambrose clearly steals my slurred / stoned vocal delivery (which can be found on the BEARcast at www.worldofbear.com) but imitation is the greatest form of flattery, so I’m honored.  The week wouldn’t be complete if Rollins didn’t steal the show with an awesome move.  I’ve never seen someone sell an elbow or clothesline like Rollins did.  Even guys like Ziggler will flip and make it look like their heads are being taken off but Rollins looked like a dead body flipping around.  It was so amazing that the WWE showed it three times.  I can’t imagine The Shield loosing at Payback but this is wrestling and with the elimination stipulation for the rematch, who knows?  This only makes sense if The Shield wins and Evolution puts them over as faces and during the match, Evolution are the ones who experience some sort of inner turmoil.  (fingers crossed)  
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
4. Batista w/ Evolution (4) – HHH as Guest Announcer and RKO as Guest Time Keeper?  It’s good to be the King of Kings.  This goes to show Boo-tista has the ability to put on quality matches.  Yes, this was filled with interference but Batista and Rollins were good.  The whole match could have been a clusterfuck but it turned out to be really fun and I enjoyed the ending.  It’s fascinating that Evolution was / is supposed to put The Shield over but with their quality mic work and their in-ring excellence, The Shield is helping make Evolution better heels.  Assuming Batista is taking some time off to promote Guardians of the Galaxy, and the elimination / no holds barred stipulations of their match at Payback, I’m guessing we see dissension between Evolution members.  Maybe this time Evolution will turn on Batista versus last time when Evolution turned on RKO?  I’ll give the WWE this, they know how to frame a good camera shot.
   
5. Cesaro w/ advocate Paul Heyman (N/A) – Once again, Heyman is the show stealer.  Only Heyman can piss everyone off everyone by insulting a country’s octogenarian queen and at the same time fight the crowd from chanting with him.  Most wrestling performers die for crowd heat, Heyman plays with it like David Blaine and a deck of cards.  I know the belt’s names don’t really mean anything but is it wrong of me to think that at least one participant in a US Championship match should be, you know, from the United States?  I have the same beliefs with the IC strap.  Ireland’s Sheamus took on the Swiss Superman Cesaro?  The only thing more disturbing than two foreigners battling for the US belt was the way Cesaro started to hump Sheamus like a dog in heat during their lockups.  As you can tell, I’m complaining just to complain.  Cesaro and Heyman are great.  I’ll even look past the cheap win due to Heyman’s distraction.  While I might not agree with the intercontinental participants in the US championship, it will bring out the best in Cesaro trying to win the belt and has clearly helped raise the quality in Sheamus’s matches.  
   
6. Sheamus (11) – He’s going to get a semi-pop for being from the British Isles but he’s still an Irishman.  Every movie, from Braveheart to Rob Roy to Hunger and every Robin Hood incarnation, tells me that the British, Irish and Scottish don’t like each other.  But I supposed it’s similar to being a fan of the Dodgers / Angels or Lakers / Clippers, except without all the bloodshed and war, of course.  My loyalties lie with the Dodgers and Lakers but if they’re not in the playoffs, I’ll root for the Angels or Clippers.  I always figure most of the world lines up against the Swiss.  You can never trust the Swiss and their pacifism.  “Oh, we’re neutral.  Keep us out of any wars.  Feel free to deposit your Nazi money in our banks.”  Pick a side, you spineless bastards!  Up until the cheap loss, the Sheamus / Cesaro match was really good.  The past few weeks Sheamus has put on good segments.  I’m down to see where this feud goes.
   
7. Stephanie McMahon (15) – As the WWE fashion expert, I give her a B- for tonight’s outfit.  She is a master on the mic but it’s the subtle things she does that makes her so good.  Hopping around, mimicking Daniel Bryan’s entrance is a piece of art.  Stephanie is able to shoot and further the story without telling us anything.  Think about the job she had to do.  Nothing was going to happen, assumedly because the WWE still doesn’t know the exact timeframe for Bryan’s return, but Stephanie needed to address the situation, give the audience a Bryan surgery update and then push the storyline to next week.  She offered up options which was the best part of her shoot.  It was great to hear the fans’ reaction to each solution and wrestler she offered up as champion.  In the end, nothing happened and we need to tune in next week to see if Bryan will show up and / or see what The Authority will do with the WWE championship.  Great bit of business of turning something out of nothing.
   
8. Rob Van Dam (12) – RVD vs ADR in the BtC contest.  The acronym match of the night.  The good news was that the match wasn’t going to go longer than the previous match-time set at 5:02.  The bad news was that, out of all the BtC participants, RVD and ADR are two wrestlers that I would have liked to see a normal contest between.  RVD won and set the new BtC time at 4:15.  Not only did RVD take over Big E’s best time but also took over his spot watching the RAW feed.  Doesn’t it feel like RVD looked a bit bewildered at Big E’s post?  “Dude, so, you’re telling me whatever I see on this screen is what’s going on in the ring behind me?  Whaaaoooo.  Mind blown!” 
   
9. Alberto Del Rio (N/A) – Because I’m picking apart every little thing done on RAW, sometimes it feels like I’m watching the Zapruder film for three hours each Monday night.  Looking for clues to what the future holds.  I’d tell you that the future is a world that depends on role models like ADR to guide the children of the world.  To lead them into the light and to follow him to a better tomorrow.  Basically, he’s sticking around and his new character arc will harken back to one of his original themes, as the hero the WWE Universe needs.  This could be the start of his next big push OR nothing at all and I’m way too into Monday nights.  ADR does do a mean Bobby DeNiro.
   
10. Alicia Fox (10) – I hate to work a little blue, but I have to be honest with what I see, we had a bit of a Fox-camel-toe issue to start the match.  Putting my perversions aside, this was a much anticipated match.  Unfortunately it fell a little short compared to Alicia and Paige’s previous match-ups.  This time, it was clear why Alicia snapped and had a tantrum after the match.  She got the clean win and didn’t win the championship.  It was funny watching Alicia checking the cups to find the one that had soda vs beer.  I guess pouring beer on oneself is obscene but a kid’s soda is PG acceptable?  I’ll never understand censorship.
    
     
11. Paige (9) – Paige got the home country pop.  I live by the theory that you can’t have more than two weeks in a row of quality Diva matches.  This week proved that theory.  Paige and Alica didn’t have a horrible match but nothing compared to their previous two.  It was a bit shocking to see Paige lose in front of her home crowd.  But because this wasn’t a sanctioned “Divas Championship Title Match” it meant nothing.  It came off flat because; 1) Paige lost in front of her home crowd and 2) The loss was meaningless because the title wasn’t on the line so it didn’t matter that she lost, Paige is still the champ.  This is where I get to claim that these clean losses by champions but  no title changes hands are bullshit.  I understand the Diva roster might be thin but how many times do Paige and Alicia Fox need to fight before the match actually counts?
    
12. Dolph Ziggler (6) – My excitement to hearing Ziggler’s music hit was muted by the fact that there was no way Ziggler was beating Henry, let alone in less than 4:15.  Ziggler has gotten more run lately and continues to be his awesome self.  He damn near beat Henry in an exciting match.  I don’t want to see a prolonged feud between the two but I’d be more than happy to see Ziggler vs Henry one more time without the clock running to see how that match would end.  It shouldn’t last too much longer.  Part of the beauty of that match was that Ziggler needed to out-quick Henry’s power in order to beat him.  
    
13. Mark Henry (N/A) – Fought Ziggler in the BtC and while neither of them won, both got screen time and as we’ve discussed, being on RAW is one step closer to having a meaningful run.  I don’t expecting Henry and Ziggler to continue fighting each other but they did put on a surprisingly strong match.  The contrast in styles was interesting.  There’s been a lot of rumblings about a new Nation starting.  I’m told TNA is doing something similar with MVP?  Unfortunately it’s happening on TNA and well, “If a tree falls in the woods…”  All I know is that when the new Corporate Nation takes place, I want to be on record of calling it.  It’s so obvious and would be perfect.  Henry could be the leader.  He’s perfect to tie in the previous incarnation and the new one. 
14. #BadNewsBarrett (N/A) – You knew Barrett was going to get the hometown crowd and cheap pop.  It would have been nice to see him in a match before 20,000 of his countrymen and women but I guess that’s too much to ask of the WWE?  Instead we get three BtC matches to decide who will challenge Barrett for his IC belt.  Not to beat a dead horse, but you’ve got an English IC champ in London and on your flagship television program he barely makes an appearance.  What a splendid use of an asset…  
    
15. Big E (17) – Thank you Mr. E for putting us out of our collective misery by finishing off Ryback in 5:02.  Last week I heralded a Big E vs Rusev match to find out which big man with similar styles would prevail.  You’d think that Ryback would fit into that same mold but he don’t.  Can we please have a story where Big E isn’t watching RAW from backstage?  Now it’s just getting creepy.  Big E has used up all his backstage-monitor-watching privileges for 2014.   
    
16. Alexander Rusev w/ Lana (16) – I felt sorry for the UK fans.  Cheer for the hated Russian or the mockery that is the Union Jacks.  Was it not bad enough that 5 Seconds of Summer were compared to the Beatles on Sunday night’s Billboard Music Awards?  What, you know nothing of this because no one watches the BBMA?  I guess I really am a shut-in who watches too much TV.  The only two people truly benefiting from the escalating tensions between the US and it’s allies against Russia are Rusev and Lana.  But as I mentioned last week, how far do they take this if the hostilities get really bad?  With help of Photoshop and a few flag switches, Rusev continued to get some hot heel heat.  Lana has turned into my second favorite manager behind Heyman.  Way behind, she’s still a valet while Heyman is an Advocate.
    
17. Adam Rose vs Jack Swagger w/ Zeb (13&14) – Rose is from Australia but to our uncivilized American ears, he sounds like he’s British.  Close enough, right?  I’m still not totally sold on the gimmick and it will depend on his in-ring skills.  If he does get over he needs to give a portion of his check to Zeb.  Zeb has been a great foil for Mr. Rose.  Payback can’t come soon enough so that we can see Rose in action vs Swagger.  Feuding with Rose is like going to the Halloween costume party from Karate Kid and Swagger’s new “Big Hoss” workout jacket makes him look like the teacher from Cobra Kai.  That should be Swagger’s new gimmick and Zeb can play the über master from Karate Kid part 3.  This is all fun and games.  We’ll see how this little feud plays out and then both Rose and Swagger will be challenged to keep any kind of heat moving on to real opponents.
    
18. Ryback w/ Curtis Axel (20) – “The Big Guy” not only is a horrible name but Ryback also gave us a horrible shoot to set up the Big E / Ryback match.  I delt like I was hit with a tranquilizer dart and it was a race against time to see if I could stay awake through the end of the match.  That’s the true Beat the Clock aspect of their match.  Why does it bother me so much when Ryback starts pounding on his chest like a guerrilla?  Fuck it, just keep doing it for as long as possible.  Thump away for 30 seconds.  Win me over by taking it to the extreme.  I do find Ryback slightly less annoying than Axel, so maybe it’s Curtis Axel that’s the real issue for this tag team?  My time is too valuable to waste thinking about this, so….
    
19. Fandango w/ Layla (18) – Layla is British born?  I thought she was Mexican?  Not to get too geopolitical but Layla is an example of the future of the human race where everyone is just some shade of brown with exotic features.  Not even the stringent of racist could complain about more Laylas in the world.  What I can complain about…talk about poorly worded transitions…is that we didn’t get a good cat fight last week, well the WWE must have been listening because we got one with the returning Summer Rae returning to reclaim her man meat.  Who knows where this is going but once again, it’s a storyline and the last few times we saw Summer, she was putting on some above average Diva matches.  I’m refrain from any rulings until I see more.
    
20. The Union Jacks aka 3MB (N/A) – Heath Slater got slaughtered by Rusev.  Thank you Mother Russia.  While I admire 3MB for being on the KCC crew, I still can’t stand their gimmick.  The only time in the last few years that I’ve found them even slightly acceptable has been when they take on the persona of the city that they are in.  In London, they become The Union Jacks.  When they were in Nashville, they were something else.  If they want to gain favor and be more than nameless jobbers, be creative.  They could still lose each week, but at least lose with flair and get a cheap pop from the crowd.
    

Honorable Mentions

German Announce table – I guess, the German announce table is Europe’s version of our Spanish announce table.  The German announce team looks exactly as I would have pictured them in my mind.  So white, so joyous, so dorky.

Beat the Clock Challenge – Themed events / promotions such as tournaments and Beat the Clock are great tools to give large groups of characters something to do without any backstory.  I hope WWE Creative doesn’t rely too much on cheap gimmicks like these instead of working out fully fleshed out stories.  In the meantime, I’ll take the cheap gimmick over nothing.  The drawback with Beat the Clock is that when you’ve got a boring match (I’m talking to you Ryback), the clock only makes things worse.  The big clock in the corner tells me, “I’ve been watching this crap for 5 minutes?”

Bo-lieve – He’s making his debut this Friday on Smackdown.  Is it enough to get me to watch SmackDown?  I doubt it.  That’s what YouTube and the WWE Network are for.  

R-Truth w/ The Funkadactyls – Well, they got to rap…kinda?

Side Note(s)

Wolfenstein: The New Order is yet another video game that looks awesome but shows how old I am.  Who doesn’t want to kill robot Nazis on the moon?  Like TitanFall a few months ago, there’s no way I can keep up with these kids online.  It also makes me feel old because I remember playing the original Castle Wolfenstein back in computer lab in middle school.  It was the first FPS that I ever played and was addicted to it every recess for a full semester.  That was about 20 years ago.  Shit, I’m fucking old.

Until next time…

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 1/27/2014

Coming at you from Cleveland (“Hello, Cleveland!!”), and we are officially on the Road to WrestleMania 30 with a terrific Royal Rumble last night.  Best PPV of 2014!  Of course, it’s the only PPV of 2014 but the Rumble was still awesome and it’s going to take a lot for a PPV to knock it from the top spot this year.  Before I go into praise, let me just say 99% of the Rumble PPV went as predicted.  Why is this something of note?  Because a well executed show is usually better than any surprise ending, special guest or twist / turn that the WWE could throw at us.  

I’m not one to recap PPVs but allow me one paragraph to point out why RR was so good (besides, I’m sure we’ll touch on most of the PPV / Rumble action in the rundown, fear not).  Take out the Rumble match itself because that’s always fun.  In fact, the ending to this year’s Rumble was less than great and whose winner was predicted a month ago but the Rumble was still an overall fun event.  Opening the show we had the “Match of the Night” where Daniel Bryan and Bray Wyatt were just awesome.  The match was great, the crowd was on fire and Bray defeated Bryan cleanly and brutally.  The ramifications and each wrestler’s “Road to WM30” be damned.  The match was so good that you didn’t care who won.  Give us a clean ending and let the writers figure out the rest tomorrow.  That was exactly what happened.  Not only did Bray win the match, he also won “Performer of the Night.”  The next match, which no one had high hopes for, was Big Show vs Lesnar.  It was quick and heading to a forgettable match until Lesnar decided to go ECW on Big Show with about five different chairs and no less than 20 solid chair shots.  Also, it looked like Lesnar took a real shot from Big Show’s fist AND still was able to pull off an F5 on Big Show to end the match.  Next came the last match before the Rumble, RKO vs Cena.  During his match with Cena, RKO remembered what great heels are supposed to do… Give the crowd more of what they’re complaining about and shove it in their face!  Halfway through, with the crowd at its peak “Bor-ing” level, RKO looked up and smirked.  It’s as if you could see him say, “Oh, you think this is boring?  I’ll show you boring!”  With that, it was nothing but arm bars / choke holds / submissions, everything that a live crowd hates.  This drove the crowd in-fucking-sane!  Then Bray Wyatt & Family made their second appearance of the night and provided the right amount of chaos to end the match on a good note.  After just three good-to-great matches in, we finish with the Rumble.  Throw in a pre-show match of the New Age Outlaws defeating the Rhodes Brothers and we had a great night of wrestling. 

A few things popped out while watching RAW that I can’t fit into the rankings properly and were very important.  First, CM Punk was nowhere to be found.  I’ll have to check in with Fred “The Oracle” to see if this was due to an injury or merely some time off before a big WM30 push.  (BTW, no Big E Langston either)  Secondly, sometimes I feel so stupid for not seeing what’s happening until it hits me in the face.  It was pretty clear from the beginning that the team of Cena / Sheamus / Bryan would beat The Shield and be entered into the Elimination Chamber match BUT it wouldn’t be outrageous if The Shield won so there was still some suspense.  Bray Wyatt not making an appearance all night was odd as well but right as the match started, it hit me that the WWE likes to repeat spots from previous night’s PPV recently so of course the Wyatt Family would turn off the lights and attack Cena.  This led to a gift from the WWE gods!  Due to a DQ caused by the Wyatts, The Shield lost their shot at the Elimination Chamber match AND suddenly have nothing better to do at the next PPV than…wait for it…have a match with the Wyatt Family!  With Cena now in the EC match, Bray is free to join the rest of his family in the Wyatt / Shield match that we’ve all been screaming about.  After the EC PPV, Bray and Cena can pick right up in time for WM30.  I started this post talking about execution.  How’s that for execution?  Well-done to the WWE writing crew.  Thank you for giving us what we want!  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 1/27/2014…

1. Bray and The Wyatt Family (6) – As soon as the Bryan / Wyatt match was over, I had declared that Bray Wyatt was getting the top spot.  I’m a mark for the Wyatt Family and have taken a lot of heat for how high I’ll rank them each week.  Here’s how you get to the top of the Power Rankings and receive “Performer of the Night” at RR.  First, Bray shut all the doubters up with the clean dismantling of Bryan.  Secondly, there’s been a little rumor that WM30 was going to feature Cena vs Bray but no one was quite sure how that was going to happen?  Well, (as said at our party) “BOOM! That’s how that happens!”  By the end of RAW, not only was Cena / Bray set up for WM30 but we also got a Shield / Wyatt showdown at Elimination Chamber next month while we get through the last PPV before WM30.  
   
2. The Shield (1) – I refuse to break them up.  At the Rumble they did it all.  They fought as a team, they fought great individually (especially Reigns who got the “Most Eliminations” push) and Ambrose swung the biggest hammer on the nail that will eventually lead to the break up The Shield.  I’m just not ready to let go just yet.  Neither is the WWE.  With Bray Wyatt seeming to be on a collision course with Cena at WM 30, I assumed we were not going to get the Wyatt Family vs The Shield anytime soon?  While that bums me out, I can’t be mad at Ambrose, Rollins and Reigns.  They’ve been awesome.  Just as I was getting through the acceptance stage of the 12 step program…  Hold up, wait a minute, put a little BOOM in it… As a parting gift, it looks like we will get the Wyatts vs Shield before The Shield breaks up.  (The kid part of me now wants to believe that The Shield will never break up.  “They’re the three best friends that anyone-could-ever-have…”) 
   
3. Daniel Bryan (5) – All you hear from the uneducated online masses is, “They’re burying Daniel Bryan.  They’re burying Daniel Bryan.”  If the WWE was trying to bury Bryan, he wouldn’t be opening RAW, he wouldn’t be putting on the “Match of the Night” and he wouldn’t be main event-ing every night.  Anyone NOT named Cena wishes they could be “buried” like Daniel Bryan is.  Even more impressive than Bryan’s in-ring work has been his mic skills.  You can tell he’s starting to understand how to control the crowd.  Working a crowd is like fishing.  You don’t fight the fish or overpower it in order to reel it in.  You have to work with the fish and direct it, guide it while you’re reeling it in.  That’s what Stone Cold was able to do with his “WHAT” chant and what so many wrestlers fail to do once they’re lucky enough to get a crowd hot.  Bryan is SOOOO over and he’ll be involved in the main event at WM30 if the WWE has to blow up all story angles to get him there.  By chance he’s not in the Main-main event, certainly he’s be in the top 3-4 headlining matches.
   
4. Randy Orton (9) – Let me repeat what I said earlier.  RKO remembered how to be a great heel.  Its well known that I believe RKO is one of the last true heels that We have.  The one thing heel-RKO often forgets is that he IS the champ.  Remember, the champ only has to defend the championship, not win it.  (This is why it’s usually better to have a heel hold the belt because it’s more enjoyable to watch the Face fight hard to chase after the title.)  All RKO had to do is hold Cena off.  He doesn’t owe the crowd any crazy moves or dramatic come-from-behind victories.  A great heel champion just needs to hold off the challenger and win.  He even has down the villainous #duckface 
   
5. Brock Lesnar w/ Heyman (4) – Well if they wanted to spice of the WWE Heavyweight title match (and promo skills), adding Brock and Heyman into the mix can’t hurt.  Heyman’s got my dream job.  I wish I had someone who I could bring around with me, let me talk shit to everyone and then throw my hands in the air saying, “I’m just an advocate.”  Who’s going to mess with you while Lesnar has got your back?  Switching gears; you’d have to say that Brock has mastered the modern day chair shot.  I don’t know how bad it hurts the other guy(s) but he’s literally breaking metal chairs over his opponents.  This man is a maniac and this other man controls him.  I don't know which is scarier.
   
   
   
      
6. John Cena (13) – Other than what’s Undertaker going to do at WM30, Cena had the most mystery surrounding what his plans were going to be.  Naturally everyone thought he was going to be involved in the Championship plans but the WWE has other ideas.  To my pleasure, the WWE wants to give Bray Wyatt the Cena bump.  This confirms that The Wyatts are not only liked by yours truly but WWE creative as well.  The rumor was out there for this potential matchup but there didn’t seem to be a path to getting the two teamed up.  Sometimes the WWE is intricate and subtle, like the HHH / CM Punk buildup.  Other times you just turn off the lights and BAM, you’ve got a feud.  It seems fitting since it was just a few months back, when Cena returned from injury, he was thrown into the World Championship picture without any logical reason.  Looking back, we now know it was because the WWE was unifying the titles.  That said, there was no reason Cena had to be the World title holder to unify the titles.  The WWE just did it.  When it comes to Cena, the real “Face of the WWE,” you’ll only hurt yourself trying to figure out rhymes and/or reasons.  You all know how I love grabbing pics of Cena fans, this was needs little explanation.  It does help you understand why the “let’s go Cena,” chant is in a much higher vocal register than the “Cena sucks” side.  I wonder what the difference between the two sides are???? 
   
7. HHH and Stephanie (8) – Coming out to open the show, they were as giddy as two kids getting back from trying to conceive a child in the “Gorilla seat.”  Why shouldn’t they be happy?  They put on a fun PPV and all their story lines for WM are starting to take hold.  Other than not having a clue on the Undertaker match, all the other WWE story lines are headed in a good direction.  HHH’s line, “Did someone not get what they wanted?” in mocking the fans’ YES YES YES chant was brilliant!  To see both HHH and Stephanie enjoy being the villain so much, well, it almost brings me to tears.  I love it. 
   
   
8. Sheamus (N/A) – I must admit, I neither a Sheamus mark or a Sheamus hater.  Originally it felt like the WWE wanted him to be a heel but that never took off.  If the best personas are just the wrestler’s real attitude cranked up to 11, as SCSA has said, then it seems Sheamus should be a face.  He’s the more muscular Heavyweight version of Kofi.  Ideally be a face while having a mean streak in him.  The Heavyweights of the WWE seem thin of late.  With Kane gone Korporate, Big Show being Big Show, Mark Henry out, Undertaker gone 95% of the year, HHH mainly an executive, Wade Barrett (boarderline) stuck in his gimmick and Brodus Clay in limbo; the only Heavyweights left are Cena, RKO (boarderline), Brock, Big E and Reigns.  Sheamus is welcomed fresh blood.
   
9. Goldust and Cody Rhodes (2) – The Rhodes brothers lost their tag belts, both got F5’d by Brock, chair-whipped by Brock and to top it off Goldie seemed to have lost his gloves.  The Rhodes Brothers have seen better days.  I’d have bet the house that their feud would have started but maybe it’s going to be a slow boil.  Don’t forget, we’ve got two months until WM30.  There’s a lot of time to let the Brother vs Brother match build.  If by Elimination Chamber, they’re not going at it, then I’ll get worried. 
    
10. Batista (7) – Winner of the Rumble match.  I’m a fan of his eyewear selection.  He’s on the list because he won the Rumble, looks like a beast and has a main event ticket to WM30.  He’s got a spot on this list because he’s an integral piece in the WWE picture.  Let’s be real, he’s no good as a face.  He can’t turn heel soon enough.  We want it.  He wants it.  Just do it, WWE.  Look at how he embraces the #Bootista sign.  
    
11. The Usos (3) – For not having any storyline set up between the Usos and Ryb-Axel and relying purely on the heat that the Usos bring, the crowd was pretty lively for the Usos win.  Now that the tag belts are basically up for grabs, I’d be surprised if the Usos didn’t win the championship in the near future.  Only if a heel team won the belts and the Usos had to fight their way to a PPV to finally become champions, could I see them not be given the chance to hold the tag titles ASAP.  But then again, the NAO are “Heels” so why not just have the Usos take the straps off them?  Problem solved.
12. The New Age Outlaws (11) – I feel sorry for the NAO.  Not that they’re bound to drop the belts in a hot minute but because the night after they win the tag team championship, for the sixth time and after 14 years, they’re stuck with a dead Cleveland crowd.  Maybe Road Dogg misread the crowd and thought that just because they could pull a YES YES YES chant off earlier, they’d know what to do when DX came a-knocking.  To Cleveland’s defense, it’s been a while since the NAO have come around, although every other city gets it.  Chalk another notch up under the Cleveland sucks ledger.  Road Dogg was spectacular on the mic and being “over-heard” on the camera mic.  Aaaaaannd that’s why he’s a backstage booker / talent manager for the WWE.  Watch and learn future Superstars.
    
13. Kofi Kingston (14) – As predicted, Kofi had the “Spot of the Night” at the Rumble.  His leap from the barrier back into the ring was incredible.  There was no way he was going to make that leap or not slip off the padded barricade but he made it.  When you talk about someone having all the talent in the world but no direction with their character, look no further than Kofi.  There’s nothing he can’t do in the ring, so what’s holding his character back? (the Bear rhetorically asks)  Kofi’s new “Joker” colors are nice and you’ll never hear me complain about adding “The Joker” to anything.  Maybe this will bring the long needed mean streak back to Kofi. 
    
14. Dolph Ziggler (N/A) – While not a total surprise that he returned for the Rumble, it was surprising to see the majority of the RR audience solidly behind Ziggler.  Mark’s love him and feel he’s been unjustly buried.  (FYI to all the people who think Bryan has been buried, just look at what Ziggler has been through.  Ziggler has been buried.)  Recently he’s had a streak of bad luck with injuries, which doesn’t help him getting a push.  Just as the WWE should listen to the fans cheering for Bryan, they should be cognizant of all the heat that Ziggler gets from marks and regular fans.  He may have only beaten The Miz but at this point, Ziggler needs all the wins and push that he can get.
15. Alberto Del Rio (16) – First thing ADR needs is to get Ricardo Rodriguez back on the mic for his entrance.  Heel or Face, he’s better with Rodriguez firing up the crowd.  You’d never think of ADR as being one of the WWE’s best athletes but he can hang with any wrestler, especially one like Kofi.  I don’t know what the storyline is with ADR glaring at the WM30 sign?  Dude, you missed that boat when you went flying over the top rope at the Rumble.  It’s a useful tool wrestlers use but I can’t think of how ADR is making it to a main event or a top tier match at WM30?  Unless he’s just looking at it as in he wants to be on the WM30 card, but at this rate he’s not doing that either.
16. The Real Americans w/ Zeb (N/A) – Who’d have thought the wedge between the Real Americans would be between Zeb and Swagger?  Maybe it’s just another way to keep Zeb as a serious heel because he’s starting to get a little bit of that fan favorite heel cheer (audience manipulation is a fascinating topic but we’ll save it for another time).  I also would find it hard to break up Cesaro and Swagger right as the NAO now hold the tag straps, which you know they won’t hold for long.  It should be seen as a blessing to all the other great tag teams that Cody and Goldust dropped the belts. 
    
17. Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara (15&N/A) – I still don’t know what to make of Rey?  He can still pull off some great moves (exhibited in the tag match with The Real Americans) but it was pathetic watching him at the Rumble.  For the man who holds the record for longest run in the Rumble, to last night being number 30 and only lasting about five minutes, it’s got to be near the end for the great Rey Mysterio.  It’s clear they’re hiding Rey during matches by letting Sin Cara carry the bulk of the match and Rey tagging in to hit a few spots.  But that’s the thing, he can still hit the spots?  I’m totally confused.
18. The Divas match (18) – Naomi and AJ Lee have earned the chance at a singles match.  I must still be high from our PPV party because I can’t believe I’m asking for this.  These two have shown that they can move well in the ring.  Even more surprising is that not far behind them is B-cup-Bella, Alicia Fox and Oksana as far as potential talent and Divas that I may not run for the bathroom when their match starts.  We haven’t even seen Natalya in a few weeks.  Take this next comment with a grain of salt and perspective, but this might be the most loaded the Divas division has ever been.  Oh, what’s that knocking…sorry guys, I think that’s my family with an intervention.  Clearly it’s time for me to go to rehab if I’m talking up the Divas division.
19. Fan-dan-go w/ Summer Rae (19) – Well, if you don’t like Fandango…too bad.  It was announce that Summer Rae would be replacing Jo Jo on Total Divas next season.  Expect to see more of this duo.  Luckily Fandango has in-ring talent, his gimmick just sucks.  Let’s see if WWE creative can reinvent and flesh out their characters.  
20. R-Truth w/ Xavier Woods announcing (20) – Well, um, let’s see…R-Truth won the match and we learned Woods was in school to become an educational phycologist.  That’s about it.  Look, it was a choice between R-Truth, The Miz and Ryb-Axel.  I feel bad for Miz because it was his home town but; 1) He dressed himself in a Browns jersey which is no way to win me over.  Not that I have anything personally against the Browns but they’re, you know, the Browns.  What’s that old saying, “If you want to be a champion, you should dress like one,” and again, a Browns jersey.  2) There is even less to say about The Miz.  I read Miz is marrying Maryse.  Maybe now is a good time to take a month off and handle that.  Go on a honeymoon.  He can come back for something at WM30.  As far as Ryback and Axel, there’s nothing to explain.  I’m open to listening to any reason or theory to include them on the Power Rankings but I’ll warn you, the Christian return promo is ranked higher than these two as of now.  Good luck. 

Honorable Mentions

This Kid – This guys has to be “Fan of the Night!”  Someone’s got to tell me what his deal is.  He’s in Cleveland.  He’s wearing a Steelers beanie?  He’s got a Heat jersey on but not of LeBron but D-Wade?  I’ll give him this, he had the holy wrestling spirit in him the entire night.  He was right in the middle of almost every shot and made a spectacle of himself the whole time.  It takes a lot of commitment.  He might be the ultimate Cleveland heel? 

JBL – I’d be remiss not to point out JBL’s fantastic Rumble appearance.  At first, it seemed a little hooky because it was in the 20’s and there were a lot of there Superstars that we were guessing would get a spot in the Rumble.  After about 30 seconds and his walk up to the ring, we were all for it.  Who wouldn’t want to see a massive clothesline?  The hype for JBL’s participation grew and then the consensus was, “You know, JBL looks good.  This might be good.”  Just then, within less time than it took for JBL to get into the match and take his suit jacket off, he was unceremoniously thrown out.  But JBL wasn’t finished!  In what seemed like one move, he was thrown out of the ring, popped up, slipped on his suit jacket and sat back down and continued his commentary without missing a beat.  It was beautiful.  Big props to JBL.

Kevin Nash – This is the second time Nash has come back at the Rumble in the past few years.  He looked great.  The only knock I had was that he didn’t wrestle that well.  Then again; he’s old, he hasn’t wrestled since god knows when and he wasn’t the best in-ring performer even in his prime (Scott Hall was the worker out of those two).  It was great to see him back.  The first thing that came to mind was that he fall right into the HHH and Authority vs CM Punk at WM30 theory.  

#BadNewsBarrett – Get. In. The. Ring.  (Although I do agree with him about Cleveland)

Jake “The Snake” Roberts – Congrats to The Snake for pulling his life out of the gutter.  If you’re reading this, you’re probably just as much of a wrestling junky as I am and as such, there’s no doubt you’ve been aware to how far Jake and his life has crumbled over the past decade-plus.  It was great to see him alive and well earlier in the month on Old School RAW.  Watching his highlight reel and knowing what he may have been indulging on at the time made me realized that there may have been a few interviews that The Snake didn’t seem to have all his faculties.  

Side Note(s) 

As pointed out numerous times here and again at our Rumble party, someone has to do better drug testing (or just give in that the use of HGH is permitted, and why shouldn’t it be for these wrestlers to recover) because these older wrestlers look great.  NOA, Nash, Goldust, etc. are all looking and wrestling better than they did 20 years ago.

Monday Night Wars: WWE vs WCW is something I can’t wait to watch.  That was the during the height of my Pro Wrestling geek-ness (which you can only imagine since it’s obvious I still love my rastlin’).  Include ECW and almost each weekend you had a PPV.  Every monday night was a six hour block of wrestling and then you had Wednesdays and Thursdays where each company put on a two hour show.  The behind the scenes battles between companies and for talent were almost better than the on-screen feuds.  Yet another reason to order the WWE Network.

For all of you wondering if I had won my crew’s Rumble pot, sadly the gambling gods did not favor me Sunday night.  I got stuck with 4, 5 and 6!  That’s right, I actually drew three consecutive numbers (I even had my girlfriend draw the third number, try to make sense of that) which should have won me something but no…  The big winner was Dustin who we may have to open a numbers tampering investigation.  Dustin somehow locked down CM Punk, Roman Reigns and the eventual winner Batista!  But poor Fred “The Oracle” might have had it the worse.  He was saddled with El Torrito which led to much debate over who had the worse grouping.  The Rumble was a ton of fun and congratulations to Dustin for a well earned win.

Until next week…