WWE Power Rankings, RAW 3/31/2014

All Men Must Die…

Coming at you from the capital of the free world King’s Landing of Westeros… I mean Washington DC, but the WWE might as well be broadcasting from The North Pole because it feels like when you’re a kid waiting for Christmas to come or that odd conversation on some random day in November when your mom tells you which week Hanukah starts this year and asks if you’ve gotten your gift for your secret pal.  That was a long winded way of saying, I’M TOTALLY FUCKING JACKED AND CAN’T WAIT FOR WRESTLEMANIA 30 THIS WEEKEND!!!!

What a glorious time this is.  The nerds have taken over this world.  I still get a few weird looks when I talk about how awesome my crew’s WrestleMania party is but for the most part people are curious about, or have a passing interest, in what happens at WrestleMania.  Seeing how it’s WM30, most people realize it’s a big deal and somewhere deep down there’s in a kid in everyone that used to watch wrestling at some point on a Saturday morning.  But Sunday’s WM30 isn’t the only show in town this weekend.

By Friday evening I’ll have seen Captain America: The Winter Soldier (either at a midnight showing on Thursday or first thing Friday morning).  On Saturday, there’s a little something called NCAA Final Four that will have two games back-to-back to decide which two teams will play for the national championship.  Then comes Sunday, where I’ll either have to go to bed extra early or obtain enough cocaine / Adderall to keep me awake for the WM pre-party, WM30 show and then I’ll have to rush home to catch the premier of the best show on television, Game of Thrones!  Could there be a better weekend?

With all the matches 95% set for WM30, tonight’s RAW is all about selling the PPV.  While the WWE Network has been great and will change the buying patterns of most of its audience, the Network us still so new that WrestleMania will still be at least 50% purchased as a PPV.  I know my crew is worried about possible Network problems / glitches that we’ll be ordering the PPV just in case.  While I’m sure you’re all excited about hearing the in’s-and-out’s of the world’s greatest wrestling party, you’re wondering why am I vamping?  Because, usually the RAW prior to WM is somewhat boring.  The main agenda is to get people to buy the PPV.  Instead of just a normal Power Rankings, let’s do another world famous mashup.

Is there any other mashup more relevant than the WWE and Game of Thrones?  I present to you the Valar Morghulis Power Rankings.

I’ll try to keep this SPOILER free for the most part but if you’re not caught on Game of Thrones, that’s your bad.  I don’t know what to tell you?  It’s the best fucking show on TV.  

For a more in depth WM30 preview, check out the BEARcast later this week. Also at www.worldofbear.com 

So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 3/31/2014…

1. HHH is Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish (1) – I’m not going to apologize for giving HHH the top spot.  It’s the source of the biggest arguments that Fred “The Oracle” and I have.  I admit I’ve always been a mark for HHH.  My question to those who doubt he’s the best is, tell me who else should be number 1?  He’s the King of Kings, the Heel of Heels, he does it all and under his (and Stephanie’s) reign the WWE is blazing trails when it comes to shattering kayfabe.  His shoot about “marrying well” into the biz and taking “real life” shots at current and former performers, whether they work for the WWE or not, is not something I hear from other wrestlers and other promotions.  On top of all this, he backs it up in the ring.  He’s one of the hardest working wrestlers, one of the best on the mic and is willing to make changes to the product on the fly which not even Vince McMahon would take chances on.  Does he risk pissing off, and on, his own product such as possibly burying Fandango's stupid gimmick?  Sure, but if Fandango walked away tomorrow, would anyone really care?  NO!  Some shots were borderline (Angle / RVD / Hardys) but what wasn’t true?  I’m a huge RVD fan but he’s no Rock, Stone Cold, Bret Hart, HBK or Flair.  All those legends didn’t get shots fired at.  He respects the past and the great ones.  HHH isn’t going to let a few stepped on toes stop him from spitting out a great shoot or promoting himself and his match.  Maybe it will inspire others to take risks?  As lord Varys states, “Littlefinger was born with no lands, no wealth, no army.  He’s acquired the first two, how long before he has the army?”  Just like Littlefinger, HHH makes things happen.  Maybe he will burn the world to ashes but he will be the King of Ashes.  He wasn’t afraid to take shots at both RKO and Batista.  If RKO and Batista step up, they’ll look the stronger for it and if they don’t, then HHH was right.
   
2. Stephanie is Cersei Lannister (1) – No one knows the Game of Thrones like Cersei and Stephanie.  They were born into it.  Both had fathers that literally and figuratively made them pieces of the game.  While Cersei still yearns for her father’s trust and respect, which is something I’m sure Stephanie has had to deal with, Stephanie has stepped up and taken control of the family business.  I think Stephanie McMahon is the daughter Tywin Lannister wishes he had.  While HHH was taking shots at Spin-a-rooni / Big Poppa Pump / RVD / Hardys / Goldberg / catchphrases / Angle’s athletic talent, Stephanie was by his side basking in the glory of watching what soon could be the next WWE champ or the man that elevated whomever the next champion happens to be.  She understands when you play the Game of Thrones, you win or you die. 
   
3. Heyman is Tyrion Lannister (5) – I’ve re-written this ranking ten times.  They were all variations of the outcast or underdog winning because of his intellect in lieu of vast physical strength but you all know those reasons / stories.  The reason that we love these guys comes down to two things; 1) We’ve all been losers at some point in our lives.  We’ve all felt inadequate or outmatched by someone or something that we have no obvious means to defeating. And 2) Politics and power are intoxicating.  Maybe the most powerful drugs there are.  ECW, some rinky-dink east coast wrestling promotion with no money is going to take on WWF and WCW?  Tyrion, some dwarf whoremonger who spends his day drinking is going to defend and rule a city filled with people who make fun of him?  Why?  It’s as Tyrion put it in se2:ep10 when given the option to run away with Shea, “I can’t.  I do belong here.  These bad people.  What I’m good at; out talking them, out thinking them.  It’s what I am.  And I like it.  I like it more than anything I’ve ever done.”  Both characters have figured out that it’s better to reign in hell than to serve in heaven.
4. The Undertaker is Sandor “The Hound” Clegane (5) – It seems fitting to tie Undertaker to Lesnar but who better to represent “The Hound”?  Unlike his brother, “The Mountain” the Undertaker is really a good guy deep down.  The Deadman and The American Badass just cover up the fact that ‘Taker is usually the face, especially over the past few years.  Even with his recent matches with HBK or CM Punk, ‘Taker is generally seen as the good guy or neutral.  Not even the heeliest of heels could show up once a year to wrestle (see the fact that they have to build up Lesnar over a match or two) and the fans would allow it and still go crazy for it.  Only faces get to do that, even if they have to stand in the heel darkness at times.  In season 1 of GoT we’re told that “The Hound” is a bad and dangerous man but we see when he stands up to his brother’s bullying of a beaten opponent that there’s something good in him.  This happens multiple times as he’s been the one guy to help both the Stark sisters.  Even at the end of the 3rd season, he’s watching over Arya in his uniquely gruff manner.  It’s a mantle that Undertaker has taken up many times, the “conscience of the WWE.”  No matter the battle or feud, the “evil” Undertaker usually ends up on the side of good.  All I’ll say to The Undertaker is, it’s probably best to stick to just being the Deadman rather than dipping your toe into the realm of political satirist / CPA joke telling.  Why not just throw in, “Don’t get your wife’s name tattooed on your next because, take it from a man twice divorced, your next wife won’t like it and it’s a pain to cover-up / remove.”  Thanks grandpa Undertaker.  Now go out there and try not to slip on your cloak of crow feathers and break your hip before the match.
   
    
5. Brock Lesnar is Gregor “The Mountain” Clegane (5) – If The Undertaker is “The Hound” than Lesnar has got to be “The Mountain.”  While ‘Taker plays the villain with a heart of gold (or at least a heart), Lesnar is the beast that is pure evil.  Just like his GoT doppelgänger, Lesnar is rarely seen and heard from even less.  Using Heyman as his mouthpiece, Lesnar has the luxury (and contract) that allows him to show up on a limited basis.  We haven’t seen much of “The Mountain” over the first three years of GoT but when he does show up, he’s a scary mean dude.  Even the bravest of knights are afraid to confront him.  The WWE uses Lesnar in the same manner.  Who better to combat the unstoppable beast than the one man who’s not afraid of him?  The Undertaker is no more scared of Lesnar than The Hound is scared of The Mountain.  This should be a good match.
   
6. The Usos are Bran and Rickon Stark (N/A) – This one was easy.  Brothers together on the start of an unknown future.  The Usos recently won the tag belts and are involved in a Fatal 4-way at WM30.  Is it the Fatal 4-way that I or any wrestling fan would have wanted to see?  NO.  If anyone other than the Usos win will We be pissed?  YES.  If we are to follow the tropes of GoT, the Usos will loose, one of them will die and the other will be horribly tortured or scarred.  Maybe this one wasn’t so easy?  Maybe I made a big mistake with this GoT / WWE mashup?  Maybe I’m wasting time when I could be out on the streets doing charity for those less fortunate than me?  Fuck it.  I’ll pop another Oxy, watch another episode of Archer and let the worries of the world just wash away.  Bottom-line, the Usos keep getting screwed like a good George R. R. Martin story; they don’t get their WM30 championship win, they’re forced to fight some of the worst tag teams in the WWE and they got bumped to the pre-show.  Let’s hope the horrors end there for the Usos and they don’t drop the straps to either The Real Americans, Ryb-Axel or Los Matadores.  Let’s flip this around and get positive.  Let’s hope that the Usos put on a great curtain-jerker and prove that they’re deserving of the tag championships steal the show early.
7. The Shield are The Brotherhood Without Banners (2) – Reigns (Beric Dondarrion), Rollins (Anguy, the Archer) and Ambrose (Thoros, The Red Priest) cut a good promo and Reigns had really good match vs Kane.  I’ve gushed over The Shield week after week.  I’d be surprised if they lost a clean finish to Korporate Kane and the Corporate Outlaws.  It would be difficult to believe that The Shield would implode at this PPV.  Just like the Brotherhood, The Shield may have their differences but they seem to understand that together there isn’t a faction in the WWE that can stand in their way.  The Brotherhood Without Banners isn’t a group that any of the houses of Westeros fears will take over the land but each one is just scared enough not to mess with them and it’s more advantageous to have the Brotherhood fighting with you than against you.  The Authority would much rather be able to use The Shield when called upon and give up a favor or two than to have The Shield roaming around interfering with HHH and Stephanie’s master plans.  Kane seems to be the only one foolish enough to make enemies out of The Shield.  The WWE doesn’t have to get complicated with this one.  Just put on a great 6-man tag match (which all parties are capable of doing) and the crow will be happy.
   
8. John Cena is Jon Snow (4) – As “face of the WWE” who else would be the current “hero” of Game of Thrones?  This is how crazy the show is.  Snow is a bastard son of who we thought was the original hero of the series (SPOILER) who’s killed in the first season.  Snow is left to join the order of celibate knights / warriors (which are mainly comprised of criminals and outcasts at this point in time) and is forced to decided between helping his brother, who’s engaged in all-out war, or stay and figure out what mysterious beings / creatures are killing everything north of the main land.  He stays, goes on a Marines-like mission into the wild north and falls for one of the native girls that have sworn to kill him (and don’t forget he’s sworn himself to celibacy, just a little issue when you’re a virgin and a hot “wildling” redhead throws the DTF signals at you).  Snow has to kill one of his heroes to infiltrate the army of wildlings.  He gains their trust, goes back south to the main land on a mission from Mance Rayder himself and turns on his compadres as they try to kill a rancher and steal his horses.  We’re left at the end of the season with Snow breaking the heart of his new / first love as she shoots him with multiple arrows leaving him barely alive.  This is your hero of GoT.  If you think about it, he’s not so different from Cena.  Cena divides the audience between being the greatest thing since sliced white bread and the unbeatable SuperCena that wrestling marks can’t stand because he doesn’t “deserve” to win.  Which means we just don’t like him because he’s a goody-two-shoes and isn’t the best technical wrestler the world has ever seen, although everyone will cheer for Hulk Hogan who had all of three moves even in his prime.  Bottom line, Cena and Snow are our heroes.  Cena is taking on Bray at WM30 and has absolutely nothing to gain by winning.  It would be a tremendous boost to Bray if he were to win sooooooo expect SuperCena to win (which is why we marks can’t stand Cena, and the fact all our lady friends’s find Cena very attractive which no man can figure out).  
   
9. Bray and the Wyatt Family are Mance Rayder and his Wildling army (3) – Mance Rayder, the Knight’s Watch warrior that turned his back on the rest of the world, and Bray both have very existential looks at the world around them.  Looking at the bigger picture and tearing down the ideals that keep the masses in check is what fuels both characters.  Like any good cult leader, their message is half genius and half insane but that’s what makes these two interesting.  Mance and his army beyond the wall realize there’s something darker, more dangerous coming.  Mance is leading his forces against the establishment to “save his people” while Bray is fighting the “face of the WWE” to save his followers.  Mance has an army of thousands while Bray has two, as of the writing of this post, so I’d say Mance has a leg up in the recruitment side of things.  Regardless of numbers, Bray and his followers have been impressive on mic and in the ring over the past few months.  Cena has nothing to gain by winning at WM30 and Bray has everything to loose, so naturally Cena will win… Hopefully not.  Luckily we’re just days away from finding out.  Bray got a nice warmup win against R-Truth.
10. Randy Orton is Jamie Lannister (6) – Just like Jamie Lannister, RKO was given everything at a young age.  He’s always been one of the most athletically gifted wrestlers.  Add in his ideal wrestling looks and legacy pedigree, he’s the perfect heel.  It wasn’t until he almost lost it all (he was suspended and divorced in real life) did he come back and has since embraced his natural heel persona.  He’s a great heel.  Whether he retains the WWE championship (which I doubt) I hope he finds a wrestler, other than Cena, that he can have a sustained feud with.
11. Batista is Joffrey Baratheon (7) – Chosen and placed to be the king.  From the second Batista returned to the WWE he’s been half-assing it through matches and promos as if he knew he was going to be the champ.  Not until this RAW did Batista put on a good promo.  Maybe he was inspired by being back in his hometown but it finally seems like he realizes his character is best served as a heel.  What makes Joffrey so hatable isn’t just because he does horrible things, it’s because he doesn’t realize they’re horrible things and he’s blind to how awful he is.  That’s how to make Batista work.  He’s not the hero.  He’s a douche-bag heel who should be doing despicable douche-bag heel things.  Embrace the skinny jeans, in-door glasses, hat wearing, hometown throwback jersey or Euroe trash look.  It will work, trust me. 
    
12. Daniel Bryan is Robb Stark (N/A) – The virtuous Daniel Bryan, fighting the good fight against the evils of the HHH and Stephanie McMahon.  It’s just like Robb Start taking up the mantle of King of the North and fighting against the House of Lannister.  How’d that work out for good Robb Stark?  Rumor has it that Bryan’s wedding to Brie Bella is just after WM30.  It’s hard to keep this SPOILER free so let’s just say that wedding in the land of Westeros are not always the most joyous occasions. 
    
13. Goldust and Cody Rhodes are Jorah Mormont and Daario Naharis (8) – Two generations of Khaleesi’s inner circle.  Just as both Jorah and Daario are fierce warriors, there’s no doubt that eventually they’ll turn on each other.  I don’t read the books so I don’t know for sure but I see turmoil between Jorah and Daario just as I see eventual turmoil between Rhodes brothers.  Maybe they both yearn for their father’s love or maybe they just get sick of each other.  Who knows why but I want to see the Rhodes brothers feud.  It didn’t happen at WM this year and the tag division, which was once packed with talent, is depleted at the top and the Rhodes brothers help keep the top of the tag division strong. 
14. The New Age Outlaws are Walder Frey (Road Dogg) and Balon Greyjoy (Billy Gunn) (N/A) – Coming out to join up with Kane to take on The Shield makes the NAO into massive heels.  It was a mistake to think of these two old men as just two old patriarchs of the houses Frey and Greyjoy.  Often we forget the one thing that old powerful men hate to give up more than anything else is…power.  We’ve witnessed the extent to which both men will go to keep or obtain new power.  Family, friends or loyalty be damned when it comes to staying on top.
    
15. Korporate Kane is Roose Bolton (13) – Roose Bolton is the most impactful gun for hire in the whole Game of Thrones series.  Still wrestling in his Korporate slacks vs Roman Reigns they put on a good match which has me even more excited for just a straight up battle of Kane and the NAO vs  The Shield.  
16. Big E is Grey Worm, general to the Khaleesi’s army (10) – Don’t let the name fool you.  Grey Worm is bad ass.  We’ve just been introduced to him and so far he’s one of the best of the new characters from season three.  2013 was a big (no pun intended) year for Big E.  He came out from behind the Ziggler shadow, won the IC belt and dropped Langston from his screen name.  We don’t know much about either but what we’ve seen from both is impressive and look for this next year to be a breakout year for both Big E and Grey Worm.  I was alerted by Fred “The Oracle” that the feud I’ve been looking for, Big E vs Ziggler, kinda went down on Main Event last week.  On RAW there wasn’t much mention of it so who knows if there actually will be a Big E / Ziggler feud in 2014 but we can hope. 
    
17. Dolph Ziggler is Jaqen H’ghar (12) – The mysterious death dealer / protector of Arya Stark from Braavos (also where Arya’s dance / fencing teacher hailed from, could there be a connection?) is the doppelgänger for Ziggler.  Not only is Jaqen a fan favorite for how he killed Arya’s enemies to fulfill his debt to her but also how he was willing to take her under his wing and show her how to be an elite assassin.  He was also the first to teach us Valar Morghulis.  Ziggler is a fan favorite.  He’s one of the company’s best wrestlers.  Whatever he did to piss off the brass of the WWE, please let it be over so that Ziggler can get the push he well deserves. 
18. Real Americans w/ Zeb are Cesaro as Bronn / Swagger as Locke / Zeb as Kraznys mo Nakloz (9) – Out of all the lame tag teams battling the Usos for the tag championship, this is the one that might give them the most challenge.  I doubt they’ll win because Cesaro is due to be a breakout star.  Just as deadly and just as much a fan favorite as Bronn is on GoT, Cesaro is destined to move up the ranks as a singles wrestler.  Swagger is a grunt like Locke, but as Jamie Lannister can attest, being a grunt doesn’t make someone less dangerous.  I’m not a huge fan of Swagger and he doesn’t have the ability that Cesaro has but he’s not as useless as Ryb-Axel or either of Los Matadores.  Kraznys is a perfect mirror to Zeb because they’re both actually good at their jobs but they’re over zealous and arrogance will backFIRE on them and cause for their demise.
19. AJ Lee is Yara Greyjoy (18) – When her long forgotten brother Theon returns to the Iron Islands, Yara (remember, this is his sister) let’s Theon try to molest her before breaking the news that, surprise, I’m your sister that you haven’t seen in 10+ years!  She’s taken Theon’s role as heir to the house of Greyjoy and the ruler of the Iron Islands.  She’s basically the Admiral Ackbar of the Westeros seas.  AJ is one of the few current Divas that can actually capture my attention in the ring.  She’s always been better than the average Diva but she was paired up with Ziggler for a long run and is currently dating CM Punk.  She couldn’t ask for two better wrestling mentors for in and out of the ring work.  It doesn’t seem like the WWE is taking any vitriol of CM Punk out on AJ, well of course if you consider that it’s AJ (the longest running Divas champ) vs 13 other Divas in a title match at WM30.  The deck might be slightly stacked against her and I’d be shocked (but happy) to see her walk out of WM30 at the champ.  There’s no doubt in my mind that this is going to be a clustefuck of a match that will end with either Tamina Snuka (AJ’s only “friend”) winning or causing AJ to loose. 
20. Naomi is Arya Stark (18) – Out of nowhere, Naomi / Trinity became a really talented wrestler.  Notice a theme that the best women wrestlers are romantically linked to talented male wrestlers (AJ / Punk, Naomi / an Uso, Natalya / Kid Tyson and the Hart family tree, B-cup Bella / Daniel Bryan).  Finally we got a match between Naomi and AJ but this silly “Lumber-jill” nonsense was just stupid and distracting.  I can’t believe I’m asking for this but can’t we just have a 1-on-1 or 3-way or Fatal 4-way with the top four female wrestlers, AJ / Natalya / B-cup / Naomi?  Why does it have to so complicated

So many characters, so little time.  I put in the work to compare all these wrestlers to characters on Game of Thrones, so why waste it?  Here are a few extra:

1. Natalya is Catelyn Stark (N/A) – The mother of the Divas division.  She’s a “legacy” worker and one of the few Divas that is capable in the ring.  She also seems like she’d be right at home with making creepy dolls of the New Gods like any other old lady.  Shockingly, Summer and Natalya put on a very solid match.  Often, great work comes from strife between two people.  Summer and Natalya may not like each other personally but they put in good work in-ring.  
2. Summer Rae is Sansa Stark (17) – The more posh of the Stark daughters.  Both Summer and Sansa thought that teaming up with the popular boy would lead to the easy life, but now as they’ve had a taste of the real world, they realize getting your hands dirty with life is a lot tougher than just being arm candy.  If you didn’t think it just so happened that Summer and Natalya got into a slap fight the last night on Total Divas and it would not bleeding into current events you don’t understand what the WWE is trying to do with Total Divas.  Then again, I don’t know what the WWE is trying to accomplish with Total Divas.  Just now, I got a text from Dustin “Tha Doc-ta” asking when I’m going to give my dissertation of why Total Divas is horrible.  Let’s just say, I’ve got that bullet in the chamber but we need to get past WM30 first.  Then I’m sure I’ll have the time to get into why I can’t stand the layered reality that Total Divas gives us.
   
3. Fandango as Ramsay Snow w/ Summer Rae (17) – Who’d have imagined Summer Rae pulling double duty on RAW?!  HHH shoot on Fandango might be the best thing that could have happened to Fandango.  This is a perfect time for Fandango to either put some distance between himself and his current gimmick or keep the gimmick and learn to be a sadistic badass with a goofy facade.  In-ring Fandango is badass.  He’s been sloppy the past few weeks but since his debut last year at WM29, he’s proven to be a capable wrestler.  Turn that dancing joke of a gimmick into a sick twisted maniac while using Summer Rae as bait or cover like Ramsay Snow did last season, then you’ve got me all in on Fandango.  We can assume he’s not going anywhere with Summer on Total Divas, so here’s your opportunity Fandango Snow…
   
4. Ryback and Curtis Axel are Tormun Giantsbane and Orell (19) – Ryb-Axel are fighting for the tag team championship at WrestleMania.  Ryb-Axel are fighting for the tag team championship at WrestleMania. I had to say it twice because I still don’t believe it.
5. Alberto Del Rio is Ser Barristan Selmy (12) – Once the head of the Gold Cloaks and seemly had all the power.  Everything was going well until poor writing fell upon ADR and King Joffrey fell upon Ser Barristan.  It seems both decided it would be better to leave under their own terms than to suffer under the rule of a regime that does not respect or appreciate their long history and service.  Hopefully ADR’s character will find new life and not retire, as has been rumored, just as Ser Barristan has found a new calling in the service of Khaleesi.  I was shocked when ADR and Big E got a two-segment match that showed he’s still more than capable of putting on a high level match.  Given the right storyline, ADR has a lot of fuel left in the tank and could help fill the talent void at the top of the roster or the next tier below.  Mexico’s Greatest Export got the win over the current IC champ perhaps a little too late (for the umpteenth time, I CAN’T TAKE THESE CLEAN WINS OVER CHAMPS).  We’ll have to see if he resigns with the WWE in the months after WM30.
6. Damien Sandow is Varys (16) – “The Spider” Varys is the next best thing to Tyrion Lannister when it comes to brains over brawn.  Sandow has been getting the shaft lately but at least he’s been getting it on TV.  There’s a lot of wrestlers in the 30-man Battle Royal who wish they could get buried on RAW.  Sandow showed his ability to use intellect as weapon while winning the MitB and being the holder of the thinkings mans briefcase.  Varys comes from a theatre background so he would know how to make the most of any face time given to him.  Sandow needs to do that now more than ever.  Sandow, Ziggler, Kofi, etc. these are the next generation / tier of wrestlers that need to step up and use the WWE Network to raise their profiles and force the WWE to put them on the main shows.
7. The Miz is Davos Seaworth (11) – “The Onion Knight” is the right hand of the last of the Baratheon brothers.  Just like The Miz, he was once heralded as a great scoundrel along the vein of Han Solo.  Since his capture and subsequent rehabilitation, the ex-smuggler has been an integral part of Stannis Baratheon’s empire.  The change that Davos underwent left him weak.  By the end of season two, events caused Davos to return to a more cognizant state of mind to the true ways of the world.  The same can be said about The Miz.  Yes, Miz is correct that in WM27 we were all behind his title push but since then he’s been surpassed and lost the edge that made his attractive to us marks.  The last few times we’ve seen Miz, he’s regained that rogue quality.  This Miz is the Onion Knight that we grew to love.    
8. Titus O’Neil is Stannis Baratheon (N/A) – Not only did he find his whistle, but he also regained the insane confidence that he’s the number one playa!  It looks like Titus is going to get a big push this next year and I hope he’ll take the ball and run with it.
9. Rey Mysterio is Syrio Forel (N/A) – He’s old and he needs to teach the next generation of high flyers to compete with the big men of the WWE.
10. The Big Show is Hodor (15) – HODOR…HODOR…HODOR (let’s just hope Big Show doesn’t get naked)
11. Sheamus is Gendry (12) – Gendry is the proper heir to the Baratheon throne.  Sheamus is set to get a big push in 2014.
12. Christian is Viserys Targaryen (12) – Anyone still looking for a golden crown thought twice when they saw the one Viserys got his from Khal Drago.  
13. R-Truth w Xavier Woods are Grenn and Pypar (N/A) – Fellow Knight’s Watch and friends to Jon Snow.  Basically face jobbers.
14. Los Matadors are Xaro Xhoan Daxos and The Spice King of the Qarth Thirteen (19&N/A) – Shown to be the frauds that they are.  Who am I talking about, GoT or WWE characters?  Both!  They’re not even twins and they pulled off the old switch-a-too   
15. Darren Young is Renly Baratheon (N/A) – …And you know why.  Not that there’s anything wrong with it…

Honorable Mentions

The Ultimate Warrior – There’s no way you watch that preview for the new Ultimate Warrior DVD and don’t want to see it.  No jokes, just show me the video.

Jerry Lawler’s Hair color – Dude can’t come out with hair darker than a pubic hair.  I don’t mind older men dying their hair.  I get it.  But when you’re on the wrong side of 60 and have recently had a heart attack, your hair is not jet black.  The King has embarrassed himself before but this is one of the worst.

Side Note(s)

I think we about covered it all.  Check out the BEARcast for our weekly review and WM30 preview.  Thanks for indulging me on this Game of Thrones mashup.  WrestleMania is always awesome but don’t forget that the RAW on the night after WM is the best RAW of the year.  Make sure you check it out and come back for the usual Power Ranking.  

Until next week…