WWE Power Rankings, RAW 4/21/2014

Coming at you from Baltimore, and last week I complained that I was burnt out on wrestling.  This week, I’m flippin’ the script and saying that I missed wrestling!  Last week’s RAW was so fun and after doing the BEARcast - WrestleCast (check us out at www.worldofbear.com or search iTunes for World of Bear to Subscribe) I went total radio silence on wrestling news.  I’m ready for a new RAW and am excited to see what the WWE has in store.

Take away the pomp and pageantry of WM30, and I think the card for Extreme Rules might be the better PPV!  “Devil’s Favorite Son” Kane vs Bryan for the title, Evolution vs The Shield, Bray Wyatt vs Cena in a cage, Big E vs Barrett (probably), Usos vs Ryb-Axel (ok, that’s bullshit but the Usos should win and it wasn’t like they got much love being on the pre-show at WM30), Cesaro vs Swagger (again, probably) and all the other possible matches like the tease of Ziggler vs Sandow, I’m in 100%! 

Last week we had a great first round of matches in the Number One Contender IC Title Tournament.  The Shield got DEMOLISHED for the first time.  Evolution is back!  Even the Divas match was entertaining.  All of this and the WWE World Heavyweight champ, Daniel Bryan, wasn’t even on the show.  I got a text right before I started watching RAW from Fred “The Oracle” that Bryan’s father had passed away so keep that in mind if he doesn’t show again or is somehow incorporated into the show.  Yet another example of how you never know what tomorrow will bring.  One day, you're on top of the world.  Reaching the pinnacle of your career and marrying you beautiful wife and the next, your father could pass away.  Just look at the last 72 hours of Warrior’s life.  

I didn’t mean to bring things to a screeching depressing halt but rather to reminded everyone that you could be gone tomorrow.  You don’t want to die with a list of regrets.  While sad for Bryan to loose his father, it would have been worse if he hadn’t been able to share the past few months of personal and professional success with him.  The Warrior’s family would much rather have him around but their pain is surely made easier knowing that the last few days of his life was exorcising demons that had been haunting him for the past 15 years and could now bask in the admirations of his fans

If tomorrow is my last day on this earth I would regret having Monday’s RAW waiting on my DVR unwatched.  I don’t know if they have access to the USA Network or in hell?  (Let’s be honest, if there is an afterlife, I already know I’m not making it to heaven.  Besides, none of my friends are going to be in heaven, so why would I want to go there?)  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 4/21/2014…

1. Bray and The Wyatt Family (7) – Both Rowan and Harper looked great with the HHH lighting while Bray was giving yet another great shoot.  Originally, Bray was just a favorite of marks, such as myself, but now Bray is converting more and more to the dark side each week.  I’m curious to see how the crow will be split at Extreme Rules?  By then, I’m guessing (and hoping) it’s at least 70/30 in favor of Bray Wyatt.  You’ll never get the whole crowd to his side like Daniel Bryan because he does creepy too well.  Women-folk and children can’t handle the truth that Bray brings to the table and the light he shines on the hypocrisy that our false idols and leaders preach.  Sorry, I think I’m gonna eventually need a therapist to break me from the Wyatt cult but not until he beats the crap out of Cena (fingers crossed).  For all you comic nerds, I promise, this not a picture of Alan Moore but rather a closeup of Harper.
   
   
   
   
2. Daniel Bryan (N/A) – I won’t claim to know the inner workings of any man but it seemed like Bryan was out of sorts.  Men and women get married in the WWE all the time and it’s hardly mentioned (i.e. Miz married Maryse last month).  Even with the additional eyes of Total Divas, the return of Bryan after his wedding wouldn’t demand that his new wife, Brie Bella, would be waiting for him in the ring to celebrate a week of joy, WM win / New Champ / Wedding.  On Monday, there she was, waiting for him to come to the ring for his grand return to the WWE as champion and husband.  Ok, I’ve seen this before.  No big deal.  But this time there was something different, something off.  Bryan didn’t seem like he wanted to be there.  He’s come out with far less gold around his waste and to far less fanfare, and has always had a great smile on his face and energy.  That wasn’t the case this time.  This time, it felt like he needed the help of the crowd and the support of his new wife and even the simple, wordless, beating from Kane to get Bryan through the show.  I commend Bryan for coming back on RAW.  If he needed a week or two more to deal with family issues, they could have written the story around the champ not returning, via a long honeymoon or he feared that Kane and The Authority were going to set him and his wife up for attack or simply say nothing at all.  Instead, he showed up.  Got demolished to allow for a storyline that would further his storyline with Kane and allow for him to miss another week of shows to deal with the loss of his father.  Life will go on and Bryan will defend his championship at ER in two weeks but it’s nice to see that the WWE was able to get Bryan “on and off” as quickly as possible so that he could go back to his family and deal with real life.  I re-watched the opening and it was clear that everyone helped Bryan get through that opener.  From Brie to the crowd to Stephanie carrying the mic load to Kane carrying the workload.  It was nice to see everyone there to help Bryan do his job and then create the space / time he needs.  Luckily Bryan’s storyline wasn’t dependent on Bryan doing anything other than being champ.  If we don’t see him again until ER, I’m fine with that.  Handle your biz, get back and I can’t wait for a great match between Kane and Bryan at Extreme Rules.  If there’s ever a time where you want to be slammed through a table, it’s during grief when all you’re looking for is to feel something other than sadness.  *This is the end of the depressing notes on the Power Rankings, I promise.  Let’s get back to the fun!*
   
3. Stephanie McMahon (1) – Usually I’d put Stephanie with HHH but HHH is working with Evolution and Stephanie had to help Bryan through the opening and push his storyline along.  She did a great job of carrying the mic work and controlling the opening.  She continued to give back handed compliments to the newlyweds and was just a bitch.  Basically, she rocked her part.  Side note, I couldn’t help wonder what kind / size gift does Stephanie and HHH give to Daniel and Brie for their wedding, if any?  The WWE is like a little family and you’d think the McMahon / HHH family has a personal relationship with two of their top stars.  I wouldn’t expect them to be at the wedding but do they give them a gift?  What would Micky Arison give to Chris Bosh for his wedding?  Bryan and Bosh are big names but not the face of their respective companies like Cena or Lebron James are, but important nonetheless.  What’s the proper wedding gift?  If anyone knows or has thoughts, get back to me on that.  I’m curious what the etiquette on this is?
   
   
   
   
4. Kane (18) – The Devil’s Favorite Son is back.  Why did it take so long to push that nickname or did I miss it from the last time around?  Great job of coming back as the monster and beating down Bryan.  We can debate whether this is the correct direction for the WWE Champ and his title defense but if this is the game plan, Kane vs Bryan, then I’m set for the PPV.  
   
   
   
   
5. Evolution (HHH / RKO / Batista) (1&3) – They’re back and they look better than ever.  Originally, “evolution” was to bridge the gap between Flair / HHH and the new superstars in RKO and Batista.  The behind the scenes beauty of this version of Evolution is that HHH / RKO / Batista are now all vets and it’s their job to evolve The Shield to the next level.  But don’t mistake this for a one way street.  While The Shield are going to end up as great faces, this move also did everything that was needed to solidify a directionless RKO and Batista as top heels.  RKO was already established as the top heel but had no fresh face to equal his heel level or skill level.  Batista needed someone / something to push him as a heel and he needed partners to help stabilize his character because it whatever they were doing, wasn’t working.  The RKO / Batista tag  team was interesting but add in HHH and now you’ve got gold.  If you really stop to think how we got here, it doesn’t make sense.  The most glaring, “How did this happen?” goes to HHH who in one week went from screaming at Daniel Bryan being a B+ player to re-forming Evolution and going after The Shield.  Instead of trying to pick holes in the past, let’s just enjoy the present.  Evolution whipped out the Flair-esque wardrobe and owned the ring like, well, like HHH actually owns the ring!  This is great.  Who’d have thought even a month ago, Evolution vs The Shield would even be a thing?  
   
6. The Shield (2) – Oh, just in case you forgot, Ambrose was known as the best on the mic when this group was first coming up.  For whatever reasons, we don’t see it as much (possibly because when The Shield looked like they were going to break up it made more sense for him to just be a slimy maniac) but when Ambrose is on point, it’s always entertaining.  Rollins isn’t quite at the level of Ambrose on the mic but no one expected him to be as good as he’s become.  His shoot on Evolution was great.  With Rollins and Ambrose going, there’s no need for Reigns to say anything, which is probably for the best.  The Shield / Evolution bit could have been much longer but with just one RAW between an epic match, I don’t mind their encounter being short and sweet.  Besides, what are they really going to sell us on?  I don’t know anyone who’s not hyped about Evolution vs Shield.  I can’t wait for Extreme Rules.
   
7. Cena (6) – A little bit of a step back from the great shoots Cena’s had over the past few weeks.  He can’t push the “I’m scared” bit too much because it undercuts him and isn’t believable.  Oh yeah, it’s also stupid.  Just as stupid as it is to believe that there was any chance that Cena was NOT going to fight all three Wyatts, which was the only way to get Bray in the ring with Cena.  You know how I know the app voting is fixed?  Because 9% voted for just Rowan and Harper to fight Cena.  There’s NO ONE on this earth that wants just Rowan and Harper to fight Cena.  I dare the WWE to produce just one person from this “9%”.
   
8. #BadNewsBarrett (4) – Loves being a heel and for that alone, I’m officially on the Bad News Bandwagon.  Their first segment came off a little slow but after they returned from commercial break, Sheamus and Barrett started to put on a really good match.  Unfortunately it seemed like just as the match we taking off, they got the high-sign that it was time to end the match to which Barrett took out Sheamus with the bull-hammer-elbow.  Barrett moves on to the tourney final.  Later in the show, we find that Barrett will be facing RVD in the championship round for the IC title number one contender tournament.  If you’re a Barrett fan, you couldn’t be happier.  It’s a lock, Barrett wins this and goes on to fight Big E, right?
   
9. Sheamus (19) – In a re-enactment of Braveheart, Sheamus and Barrett fought to prove who rules over the rainy isles of the UK / Ireland / the upper left side of Europe? (I think that’s a correct reference?  I was never good at geography.)  Just like Braveheart, the British prevailed over the potato eating northerners.  I’ll give Sheamus this, it was the first enjoyable match that he’s had since his return.  This goes to prove that with the right direction and right opponent, Sheamus can be an effective performer. 
   
10. Cesaro w/ advocate Paul Heyman (8&9) – Great new entrance music.  Not that the song is good, it actually sucks, but it’s got the staple of a good entrance; a quick specific sound so you know who it is and then a hard rocking beat.  Pound-for-pound, Cesaro has to be the, or in the top three, strongest men in the WWE.  I would have bet anything that Cesaro and Barrett were going to face off in the finals of the IC tourney.  Swagger and Zeb coming down to distract Cesaro is fine if they want to clean up the split between The Real Americans.  That being said, what was the shoot promo with RVD after the match all about?  Last week it seemed like they had too much to fit into the 3 hours of RAW.  This week, if felt like they were looking for a little filler.  If it was an easy job to fill three hours of live TV, everyone would be doing it.
    
11. Rob Van Dam (13) – It’s hard for me to knock RVD because he’s one of my all-time favorites but he seemed to be in slow motion.  Again, it’s just his third match back and let’s just say, he doesn’t seem to be the type that stays in peak wrestling shape when he’s taking time off.  The mix of 4/20 and the siren call of Thin Mint girl scout cookies are not a good mix to an athlete.  On the plus side, he’s still doing RVD-like stuff, it just looks like he needs some more time to dust off the cobwebs and he’ll be back to normal RVD form.  In maybe the shock of the night, RVD got the win over Cesaro to move on to the IC tourney finals against Barrett.  It was a nice run but I’d be stunned if Barrett doesn’t get the win next week.  After the match there was an odd exchange that took place between Heyman / Cesaro and RVD.  Are they setting up a RVD / Cesaro feud?  I thought it was going to be a Cesaro / Swagger feud?  Regardless, no one likes to see ECW on ECW crime.  I didn’t see the purpose for the shoot between RVD and Heyman unless the WWE wanted to take a shot at Heyman to knock him down a peg off his highs of late? 
    
12. The Usos (10) – The Usos looked great.  They’re flying around and winning the match but are we really going to be stuck with an Usos / Ryb-Axel match?  Please god, don’t let Ryb-Axel win the belts.  I beg of you.  How many souls do I need to bring to you so as you don’t allow Ryb-Axel to win the tag championships?  Name the people and I’ll sacrifice them to you prior to Extreme Rules.  
13. Goldust and Cody Rhodes (12) – You could see the big difference when a vet like Goldust isn’t jobbing to the likes of Ryb-Axel.  With a full hearted effort against the Usos there was a big difference in the quality of match for the Rhodes brothers this week.  You could tell they stepped up their game.  Even when moves were missed, the Rhodes and Usos were able to make chicken soup out of chicken shit.  Having said all that, it still seems we’re cursed to have Ryb-Axel involved in the tag team division as serious contenders.  What’s worse was how the match ended.  Did we see the start of the Rhodes brothers breaking up?  Of all times to start this feud, is the WWE really going to do it now?
14. Paige (15) – The current champ and we can all agree, Paige can go.  Some of the male wrestlers could learn a thing or two from the Divas of late (oh, I don’t know, maybe like Ryb-axel for example).  The announcers mention that she’s got to fight… TAMINA and not AJ Lee?  I guess that’s the answer to if AJ is getting punished / buried because of CM Punk.  It’s probably the worst thing for us wrestling fans because Paige has been more impressive each week.  I’d have loved to see an AJ Lee / Paige feud.
    
15. Aksana (N/A) – Who knew Aksana had such sultry music?  We don’t talk about Aksana much but she’s been one of the current Divas that have shown some promise in-ring.  We basically had two Divas matches and Aksana vs Paige was really good.  I never thought I’d say that I’m excited to see what the Divas can do.  Just remember, WWE, keep it short and sweet for now.  A few decent matches doesn’t mean we’re ready for a one-hour IronLady match or something crazy.  Keep cranking out good 5 -10 minute matches.  
16. Alexander Rusev w/ Lana (17) – Is it wrong that when Lana says, “Rusev Crush” it gives me a boner that cold break through the Berlin Wall?  Forget about Rusev, the WWE knows it’s got a hot product because they have Lana strutting and posing longer than Rusev’s match.  Frankly, I can’t remember what happened in the Rusev / Sin Cara match.  I assume Rusev won?  Once I hear “Rusev Crush” I cum and it’s nap time for the old BEAR.  I’m also a huge fan of The Americans show on FX.  As with Lana, I’m usually not a fan of Keri Russell but when you get that Eastern European propaganda going, it get’s the blood of my ancestors racing.  It’s also why I have a thing for Lucy Lu as well.  That get’s the Kinoshita side in me going.  Why else would I watch Elementary when Sherlock is the much better TV show OR how come one of my favorite movies is Payback (quick question to the audience, is Payback the last great Mel Gibson movie?).
    
17. Emma w/ SAN-TIN-OOOOOOO (21) – I’m not going to defend my boy Santino.  There’s no way to do it.  They ask him to do the most absurd stuff and he gives it his very best.  If only the Indiana Pacers could give half the effort that Santino does, they might get out of the first round (Christ, have you ever seen a team breakdown like this before?).  I guess I’m just stupid because it was a complete surprise to me when Emma busted out the pink snake / sock.  I should have known because the announcers had already mentioned how “Santino had been teaching her some of his martial arts moves.”  This cobra mating dance is awkward and creepy.  It’s like watching two virgins having sex for the first time.  No one knows what to do and they’re flopping and rubbing all over each other.  I feel bad for Emma because the worst part of Santino’s gimmick is that stupid snake-sock and now she’s got her own pink one.  BUT here’s the reason why… my girlfriend’s exact words (as I was rolling my eyes), “OH, I want one of those pink socks to play with the cat!”  Thanks WWE, you just sold at least one of those socks.  I wonder how much I’ll have to pay for a singular pink sock.
    
    
    
    
18. Dolph Ziggler / Damien Sandow (5&11) – These two got the gyp of the night.  The WWE promoted that Ziggler would reignite his 2011 feud with Hugh Jackman next week, while Jackman is promoting the new X-Men movie (which looks great, go see it).  I got really confused when the WWE once again put up a twitter war which was really Ziggler go at it with Sandow?  All I know, was that I was expecting some Ziggler / Sandow in-ring action but never got it.  What do these two guys need to do to get some on screen action?  Release a sex tape between the two of them?  Last week Ziggler had a great match and Sandow had a great shoot.  If I’m the WWE, I let these two go at it and see if they can create some heat.  They’re both creative and can wrestle AND have nothing else going on.  Maybe next week?
19. Layla w/ Fandango (HM) – I don’t have anything good or bad to say about these two but in lieu of giving 3MB or Los Matadores an extra spot, here you go Layla.  Solid Divas match.  
20. El Torito w/ Los Matadores vs Hornswaggle w/ 3MB (N/A) – The end of days has finally come upon us, brothers and sisters.  I thought neither of these two factions could get any worse but I was wrong.  Why does midget wrestling, especially in the WWE, consist of nut-shots?  The sad part…the midgets were the best wrestlers of the match.  
    
    
    
    

Honorable Mentions

Big E – More creepy shots of Big E from back stage.  If you’re Big E, you’ve got to be happy because he’s been the centerpiece to the best group of RAW wrestling matches in quite a while, the IC number one contender tournament.  He hasn’t wrestled AND has still been on RAW TV.  That’s a nice way to keep cashing checks.  Big E vs Barrett should be a good match at ER.

Bo-lieve – I really am trying to hold back any excitement for new up-and-comers since the Los Matadores debacle of 2013.  But Fred has been hyping Bo Dallas and knowing he’s really Bray Wyatt’s brother AND this Bo-lieve could be another type of “mind trick” situation like The Wyatt Family, I’m getting excited for all the possibilities.  It might have to take a minute for Bo Dallas to even catch on (don’t forget, this is his second trip up to the majors) and if he’s successful, then to find his way to fight Bray (also, assuming Bray has an opening because he’s on fire right now), I’m trying not to get too ahead of myself and the WWE story lines.  Join Dallas and Wyatt together and have them take on the Rhodes brothers!  There eerily the same kind of gimmicks; one’s over the top and the other is grounded but flamboyant in his skill.  I better stop before I get too excited (or before the Rhodes brothers break up).

Ryb-Axel – They’ve found the best spot for them, sitting on the sideline.  Unfortunately, the WWE thought it would be great to have these two nimrods on the mic.  Ryback’s touching story of how his father used to bartend and serve alcoholic wrestlers as they traveled through Las Vegas was tear jerking (WHERE’S MY SARCASTIC FONT?).  Even their “new” tag moves only consist of Axel whipping the opponent towards Ryback so he can put on his crappy finisher.  There’s nothing I like about Ryb-Axel and if Fred “The Oracle” is correct, they could be the next new tag champs.  What happened to the tag division?  Just a few months ago we were saying this was the best group of tag teams in at least 10 years.

Swagger w/ Zeb – Zeb vs Heyman is awesome.  Swagger vs Cesaro, not so much.  If we need to get resolution and closure from The Real Americans breaking up, then let’s do it and be done with it.

Sin Cara – How do I validate putting this garbage jobbing on to the top 20?

Side Note(s)

I’m not even going to address the idiotic WWE App choice of Cena’s opponent in the regular Power Rankings.  It’s the 42 minute mark of the show, I’ve just watched the announcement of this “poll” for who should fight Cena and will bet my life, and the life of everyone that I know, that it will be Cena vs the whole Wyatt Family.  If they’re so desperate to make people download the app, just give a $2-5 iTunes credit and stop with this nonsense.  The WWE is on too good of a run to cheapen itself with this make-believe bullshit.  I want my make-believe bullshit in the ring, not in my voting choices.  Our forefathers didn’t fight off the British to become a sovereign nation with the freedoms that we have, just to have a “vote” bastardized by the WWE App.  My great great great great grandfather didn’t die, face first in a river of blood just so that the meaning of One man = One VOTE could be tossed around and used as a corporate tool to make the public believe they have a choice when in actuality, the decision was predetermined well before… wait, I’m confused, was I talking about our normal United States governmental votes or some stupid entertainment show?  Anyway, as predicted the all three of the Wyatts were chosen.  

Until next time…