WWE Power Rankings, RAW 6/16/2014

Coming at you from Cleveland (hello!), and with everything going on within the world of sport, I almost forgot that Kevin Hart was the special guest on Monday’s RAW.  Now, whether this makes for a comedy centric RAW or the usual special guest segment or two, we’ll have to see.  As much as I think Hart can bring the funny, the WWE can definitely become star-struck when they get a guest from Hollywood who especially likes to ham it up and doesn’t mind getting involved.  My biggest issue with Kevin Hart is that when he is out promoting, there isn’t a show he won’t do.  He does EVERYTHING which tends to burn me out.  This could be a perfect storm for a clusterfuck of a show centered around Kevin Hart.

Not only will RAW battle the temptations of Kevin Hart but they’re also in Cleveland.  For some reason, Cleve-onians (?) are weird and obsessive.  This can lead to things like, The Miz’s family being in front row and The Miz getting his ass destroyed which has nothing to do with current story lines.  Ziggler, who magically goes from being from “Hollywood, Florida” to his actual birthplace of Cleveland, starts firing off super enthusiastic tweets from his hometown fans all day.  I think it’s an Ohio thing and specifically a Cleveland thing.  Let’s face it, if you’re unlucky enough to be from Cleveland, you know pain and misery.  It must be a sweet distraction from a horrible Cleveland existence when the WWE is in town.  

Before we go on, let’s give it up to a true American Outlaw who represented the USA on Monday with ultimate badass-ery.  Mr. Clint Dempsey, seen here prior to our first soccer match (or football as the rest of the world calls it) of the World Cup, in which he scored a goal in 33rd second (first 33 seconds!) and played through a broken nose.  A game in which we exorcised the Kane-like demons of losing to Ghana in the last two World Cups with a great 2-1 victory!  USA, USA, USA!!!  

Where were we?  Oh yes, Cleveland… it’s a dump.  But like Mr. Dempsey, we will fight on.  The WWE is coming off two solid weeks of RAW in which Evolution, Rollins, The Shield, The Wyatt Family, Cena, the mid-carders and even the newbies (like Bo Dallas) are providing some quality entertainment.  Also, Money in the Bank is right around the corner and even though the WHC is still in flux due to Daniel Bryan’s medial condition, MitB is usually an exciting PPV.  This is why I don’t want the show to be bogged down with too many Kevin Hart antics.  I have hopes of Hart coming out during an Alicia Fox match, channeling Jules from Pulp Fiction and giving her the “Bitch, be cool” routine.  Fingers crossed. 

So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 6/16/2014…

The show starts with the entire locker room to hear a “critical” announcement.  The announcement, a Battle Royal for a slot in the MitB match (sans Ambrose, Reigns and Cena, which led me to believe they would be involved at some point in the proceedings).

1. Goldust and ??? (16) – “Super Galactic” - Cody is no more, there is only Stardust.  You can hear the attorney’s clocks start ticking away as KISS is filing the copyright infringement papers.  We watch wrestling to be entertained.  Doing these recaps and power rankings can leave you jaded.  Sometimes you have to take a step back and remember none of these things we watch or activities we do have any real meaning.  They’re all for our entertainment.  Nothing put a smile on my face like seeing Cody come out in the full Stardust experience.  Not only was it a costume change but a persona change.  I know there’s going to be a group that doesn’t get it and will probably hate this new gimmick but I love it.  Maybe I’ll grow tired of it in a week, month, year or never but as of today, I LOVE IT.  It’s far better than the Brother vs Brother match we thought the WWE was headed toward.  Take all this love with a grain of salt, poor writing will destroy these two characters.  Having said that, we know both can wrestle so if they want to take a chance and have two characters not of the cookie-cutter wrestler mold, I’m all for it.  Bravo to Cody for taking the chance as well and giving it 100%.  
   
   
   
   
2. Dolph Ziggler (2) – Ziggler and Rollins have been putting on some good matches everywhere except on RAW.  Finally we get to see what these two fan and mark-favorite Superstars can do.  They certainly didn’t disappoint.  That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you put on a match.  You’re telling me that a Rollins / Ziggler match couldn’t headline?  What I’m dubbing as, “The Night of DQ run-ins” Ziggler got the win via Ambrose interrupting at the end.  
   
3. Seth Rollins (1) – Fantastic match with Ziggler.  I still stand by the theory that Rollins has another twist to pull off.  I thought Fred “The Oracle” has a great theory that Rollins could be walking out of MitB with the WHC, which he first predicted on the BEARcast - WrestleCast (found at www.worldofbear.com and subscribe on iTunes).  Although that seems unlikely now because Reigns is in the MitB main event and it seems like an undercard on the PPV could be Rollins vs Ambrose?  IF that does make it on the MitB card, I’ll put an early prediction for Rollins vs Ambrose being Match of the PPV even with a MitB match which is shaping up to be pretty good.  Lastly, isn’t it odd that Rollins came out with his normal Shield costume were as Ambrose had a slightly different look?
   
4. Dean Ambrose (2) – For anyone who doubted that Ambrose could be Piper 2.0, you only have to look at how he interrupted the end of the Ziggler / Rollins match.  I had to do a double take to realize it wasn’t Piper but Ambrose dashing into the fray wearing jeans, black shirt and leather jacket.  Whether it’s great planning or the WWE just got lucky, the fans got a great match from Ziggler and Rollins which led to an impromptu match of Ambrose vs Barrett that was almost as good.  Great booking by the WWE.
   
5. Roman Reigns (2) – Oh, the old dipping you dick in the coffee trick.  It works every time.  There was no surprise that Reigns found a way into the Battle Royal and once in that he was going to win.  The surprising part was that he showed some competent acting chops away from his fellow Shield members.  Reigns is on the short list of possible winners of the MitB match.
   
6. Bray and The Wyatt Family (3) – Bray’s entrance, with the help of the crowd’s cell phone lights, is getting more and more impressive.  We’re told that on SmackDown Bray won a spot in the MitB match.  Fine.  He’s a top guy now and deserves to be in the mix for this particular MitB situation (where the WWE championship is up for grabs) but there’s no chance in hell that he’s winning.  It’s interesting because Bray’s got the heat to win the WHC but is his character actually ready for the WHC and does he really need it?  I think he might be better served, and the WWE as well, if he doesn’t have the WHC belt.  Bray put on a shoot to try and convince you that he needs the WWE WHC belt(s) but what he really needs is a great win at a PPV.  Rowan and Harper are getting their chance to shine as a tag team to fight The Usos at MitB.  If there was a god, I’d be thanking him a million times over that we’re getting Usos vs Wyatt Family at MitB rather than Usos vs Ryb-Axel.  Just look at those two options.  On what planet or alternate universe would anyone want to see Ryb-Axel instead of The Wyatt Family?
   
7. #BadNewsBarrett (7) – What are we to make of BNB at the moment?  He’s over with the crowd, as a heel no less.  He’s got gold around his waste.  He’s putting on good matches but he’s loosing and not in any feud or in the MitB main event like his peers.  You can’t say he’s getting buried because even HHH is using him as a tool.  So what’s he doing?  They have a week to figure something out before MitB.
8. Sheamus (9) – Sheamus has a few good matches and thinks he can go out to beat up Bray, HA!  I will say, Sheamus put on another good performance.  He’s another participant in the MitB match who I give no chance at winning.  At least now he’s got a little heat with Bray which may be the next feud after MitB?  If Sheamus doesn’t join Evolution (rumored), he could do well building on his surprising face heat by taking on Bray for a short window.  I can’t stress enough, SHORT window.  No one wants to see an extended Bray / Sheamus feud.  Nevertheless, Sheamus got the DQ win over Bray with some backup from The Usos.   
   
9. The Usos (10) – As much as I like the Usos, I’ve grown tired of their same gimmick over and over again.  A few weeks ago we got their first real shoot and it was promising.  Since then, nothing.  All they’ve done is sidled up to Superstars that need baby-face backup.  For a while it was Cena and this week it was Sheamus.  Hopefully, now that they’re going against a worthy opponent in Rowan and Harper, they’ll regain their spark.  Otherwise, they’re current gimmick is going to get stale like a freshly chopped body in Hannibal Lecter’s fridge.  Is anyone else watching that show?  Can you believe what they’re getting away with on NBC?  It’s the most horrific cooking show on TV.  
10. HHH and Stephanie (5) – As usual, let’s get the real important business out of the way, as WWE fashion expert, Stephanie got an A-minus on RAW.  An off the shoulder, retro-Rockabilly / neo-con mix that really worked well.  Amazingly she was able to keep a clean sheet even after a two-nil vomit battle vs Vickie Guerrero (my soccer references are on point today!)  Once again, HHH and Stephanie worked well together.  Lest anyone thinks that the WWE would frivolously waste an idea, the Stretcher Match (which was going to make an appearance at MitB if Bryan was healthy was now to be used for a Cena vs Kane match on RAW.  The problem is, a good stretcher match takes time.  Time that is not going to be afforded on the average RAW, let alone one that included a Battle Royal AND Kevin Hart.  I could already tell that the skip button on the remote was going to get a lot of use.  Maybe this will surprise people, but I didn’t mind the Reigns ban / spiked coffee / Stephanie getting sick / Vickie getting tricked to letting Reigns in the Battle Royal story.  Was it very simple and sophomoric?  Yes.  But it was quick, easy and got Reigns into the MitB main event.  Not every week do Lannisters need to die on a toilet for me to be happy.
    
11. Heyman (8) – When he looks to the heavens, I expect him to do a shoot toward god, warning The All Mighty that his client, Brock Lesner, will soon meet him in battle and destroy the Kingdom of Heaven.  Heyman is the best. 
12. John Cena (4) – Why is he selling a little cum rag?  Can’t he sell a beach towel or something a little bigger than a dishrag.  Did the sweatshop that makes the WWE clothing screw up an order and send them a billion small towels by accident and they figured they’ll make a quick buck?  Cena is getting so big that maybe that is a beach towel but Cena is just a monster?  It’s a new dawn in the WWE, you don’t have to look like horse testosterone is coursing through your veins.  From the moment the WWE announced Bray Wyatt is in the MitB match and showed that there was only one slot left for the MitB match, Cena was winning.  Ever since Cena threw the ring stairs at Bray at Payback, Cena has thrown stairs in every match since.  If only the WWE could combine the Special Olympics with a ring-stair-throwing competition, they would have complete synergy.    I’m aware this is not the first time steps have been used but Cena has taken this to a whole new level.  Since stretcher matches, especially on RAW, are so boring and with Cena’s new love of throwing stairs, I’d have rather just watched a wrestler strongman contest to see who can throw the ring stairs the furthest.
    
13. “The Demon” Kane (N/A) – You know why there hasn’t been a stretcher match on RAW in 10 years?  Because they suck.  Someone in the WWE needs to explain to me why / how would an AA from Cena onto the stretcher incapacitate someone?  If anything, it seems like a gentle way of carrying a 300 pound man to bed.  Landing on a soft padded gurney would put Kane asleep if anything.  Once again, Kane proves to be the most resilient of all characters.  Win, loose, DQ, no show, it doesn’t matter.  He’s the Ace up the WWE’s sleeve that they can use at anytime, in any fashion and it doesn’t take away from the character.  
    
14. Adam Rose / Summer Rae vs Fandango / Layla (N/A&20) – “Party-foul” and Rose won.  I actually felt bad for Kevin Hart because while they kept Hart from taking over the show, he was dropped into the RoseBud circus.  At least with Hugh Jackman you got Sandow dressed as Magneto and Ziggler came out with him.  Maybe it’s consolation to the Kofi’s, R-Truth’s, Henry’s and Titus’s of the world that the WWE also buries it’s black guest stars just the same as their wrestling Superstars.
    
15. Sandow (20) – Dressed as Cleveland’s favorite son, LeBron James!  Of course he was the first one out and good for him.  Other than Reigns taking out Rusev for the win, Sandow is the only other thing I remember from a waste of time Battle Royal.  I’m still holding out hope for good things for Sandow.
    
16. Alexander Rusev w/ Lana (12) – Lana’s killing it with Cheap Heat and good looks.  Rusev is getting a massive push.  It was encouraging to see Rusev and Big E go at it, if only for a moment, during the Battle Royal.  The WWE needs to continue with that feud. 
17. Battle Royal match (N/A) – It’s fascinating how the Royal Rumble is so awesome but Battle Royals are usually the worst piece of shit matches.  Rusev’s been on a tare lately and even though he went down to presumably the next WWE star, did it hurt his aura of invincibility?  In this case, perhaps it would have been better for Rusev’s brand to get the “giant’s loss” in which 10 guys need to work together to get him up and over the top?  And again, there were three certainties in life Monday night; Death, Taxes and Roman Reigns winning the Battle Royal.  
18. Cameron w/ Naomi vs Paige (N/A&14) – Divas match alert!!!  Cameron is vastly inferior to Naomi and is in the bottom tier of Divas.  I guess they have to throw a dog a bone every now and then but Naomi should have been the one wrestling Paige.  To Paige’s credit, this is the first time I can recall her being on the offensive for most of the match.  Disappointing match on because there’s a crop of quality wrestlers in the Divas division and for once, I’d like to see what they can do.
19. Ryb-Axel (18) – For anyone who is says Rowan and Harper suck or this Goldust / Stardust gimmick is garbage, I want you to look at Ryb-Axel and remember that these two fools were a botched finisher and sloppy 1-2-3 count away from being WWE World Tag Team Champions at MitB.  Rowan and Harper, Goldust and Stardust are literally saving the tag team division from what was (and still could be) a title reign by one of the least charismatic, poorly performing and all around lame tag teams in the WWE.  These two need to swap places with The Ascension in NXT and rework their gimmick or split up and still work on their gimmicks.  Let The Ascension give the WWE tag division a chance.
20. Heath Slater (HM) – After surviving a WWE purge of talent, the sole MB-er is still just as lame as the others that were cut.  Clearly the WWE sees something in Slater that has yet to translate to RAW.  Look, he barely got any face pop being the champion for the USA vs a heel Rusev.  Not a good sign.  

Honorable Mentions

Kevin Hart – He came out to do announcing during the Summer Rae / Rose vs Fandango / Layla fight.  Why do I get the feeling that’s a baby-Jeezy shirt custom shrunk for Hart?  I worried the WWE was going to wedge Hart in too many segments.  After the show, I wish they did.  Hart was promoting the wrong movie to a WWE audience.

Vickie Guerrero – Reigns pulled a Littlefinger on the coffee that Vickie was delivering to The Authority.  I’ve grown to enjoy her work and willingness to play along.  Having an elderly woman get vomited on is probably their response to the slightly pornographic milking of Layla last week.

Dual Championship coat hanger – Remember when the WWE first set to unify the two WWE championship belts, they used this well crafted hanger that suspended both belts and had the WWE insignia cut into its design.  At the time I questioned the effort and money wasted on a one-off closet tool but I was pleased to see it make another appearance this week.  Suspending both championships (which is still a mystery to why there are still two belts) high above the ring in preparation for the MitB winner is a beautiful thing…and tells us we probably won’t be seeing Daniel Bryan too soon.

Fans of the Night – The four guys dressed as WWE referees about 5 rows back.  Well done gentlemen.

Side Note(s)

Was it me or did anyone else catch Lana mouth, “That’s bullshit” when Stephanie announce Alberto Del RRRRRio as having qualified for the WHC ladder match at MitB?  I don’t know what set Lana off but I’m grateful for friend of the BEARcast (www.worldofbear.com) Ethan for finding a clip of Lana expressing her feelings about the show opening.  I hope she doesn’t get into too much trouble.  

“They” are doing the advertising for this Transformer movie all wrong.  Is there any fan of Transformers that isn’t going to see this new movie?  I can’t wait!  It’s such a tease each time.  All they needed to do was flash the Transformers sign and post three simple words: Dino-Fucking-Bots.  Done deal pal, I’ll be there Thursday night at midnight.  Dinobots!  What else do you need to know?  A promise of a blow job during a movie couldn’t get me more excited for going to a movie than just the word Dinobots.

The Special Olympic athletes have it hard enough, do we really need to punish them by making them travel and compete in New Jersey?  Who’s sick joke is this?  I’m just saying…New Jersey?  At least it’s not Cleveland.  You can always drive to NYC from New Jersey.

Until next time…

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 1/20/2014

Coming at you from Dayton, and with just six days from The Royal Rumble, I couldn’t be more excited.  The Rumble has to be my favorite show of the year.  Obviously WrestleMania is a spectacle and usually has the most star power and is when all the various story lines culminate but the Rumble is the most fun and incorporates so many things.  You usually have a solid championship match, which we have in Cena vs RKO for the umpteenth time, one or two solid mid-card matches, a Divas match and then the best single event of the year…the Rumble match itself!  A good Rumble match will incorporate a few current story lines (mostly involving partnerships breaking up and/or coming together), a breakout star that will get the big push, a wrestler who will do something memorable in regards to not getting eliminated, a wrestler who will last the longest, a wrestler who will take out the most opponents, a surprise wrestler that is making their return from injury or is newly signed, an old school wrestler who’s making a small return run (i.e. Kevin Nash a few years ago), to see who the final four are is always interesting, even the order to which the wrestlers come out is fun to watch and of course the winner (who’ll go on to be in the championship match at WM30).  The Road to WrestleMania will have officially started!  Whew!!  And you wonder why I get so excited?  Lastly, the best part of the Rumble is that IT’S THE ONE TIME A YEAR YOU CAN GAMBLE ON WRESTLING!!!  See the “side notes” for a basic RR pool that my crew uses.  Later this week, I’m doing a special “Dream Rumble” lineup.  If you’d like to throw your suggestions at me, tweet them @wkbear.  It’s also ingenious by the WWE to put RR on the dead Sunday between the NFL championship games and the Superbowl (free gambling winner: take Denver and the Over).  Sports and entertainment don’t get much better than this.  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 1/20/2014…

On the plus side, this “go home show” did a much better job of setting up the PPV than previous ones have done.  The negative, compared to such a fantastic RAW last week this one was a bit lacking on story and was sort of a let down but again, there was a lot of hype for Sunday’s big PPV.

Lastly, before we get to the rankings, and maybe this should be in the Side Notes section but it’s too important to not be noted, it will be extremely interesting to see who participates in the Royal Rumble match this year.  This is probably the thinest the WWE roster has ever been.  Frankly, some weeks it’s hard to come up with a top 20 performers.  Out of the WWE’s regular 20-25 regular performers, 2 to 6 of them are not planned to be in the Rumble (RKO, Cena, Bryan, Bray Wyatt, etc.).  Even with the occasional returning and new wrestlers, it’s going to be hard to fill up 30 slots.  With the struggles of TNA there’s just as much chance of having a gag entrant such as the Brooklyn Brawler as maybe an AJ Styles?  You just don’t know.  Have I said that I love the Royal Rumble?!

1. The Shield (5) – What a matchup!  With the way the Rhodes brothers and Big E have been wrestling of late, was there any doubt this match was going to steal the show?  Match of the night, right?  The dominance of The Shield almost certainly makes whatever they’re involved in a top 1 or 2 segment / match of the night, each week.  Rollins was back with in his long sleeves, which I pointed out how much I loved last week, and again showed that every member of The Shield is a superstar in the waiting.  Just as Reigns has been allowed to grow and develop his persona / moves inside the safety of The Shield.  We should all be grateful the WWE played the long game with The Shield and its members because six months ago when Reigns was rumored as the next breakout heavyweight contender, he was nowhere near ready like he will by the time The Shield actually breaks up.  He now has this “Superman punch” paired with that new kick maneuver from last week to add to his repertoire and isn’t just a “spear machine.”   Over these past few months all the members of The Shield have been finding what works for them as individuals.  Rollins has been showing that he’s not a third wheel and is able to put on a great match and put over his fellow wrestler.  I hadn’t seen that “stomp-face” finisher by Rollins before but it was solid.  I’m starting to run out of accolades for each member of The Shield.  Every week, even if they aren’t the focus of the match or story, they’re the best part of the show.  Let’s hope this isn’t the last time we see The Shield smiling together.
   
2. Goldust and Cody Rhodes / Big E Langston (9) – These three continue to roll.  As tag champs, the Rhodes brothers have been great.  I can’t say this enough but Goldust is wrestling better than he ever has.  Goldust even performed a great flip off the ring apron onto the floor.  He never did anything like that 10-15 years ago.  Cody keeps improving.  He pulled off a second rope leap onto the top rope into a springboard launch that took out Rollins on the floor outside the ring.  It was awesome.  Lastly, Big E was devastating.  With his heavyweight frame, can anyone say they thought he would be as dynamic as he’s shown.  He might never be a high-flyer but he’s quick, nimble and flies around the ring.  Great match with The Shield.
3. The Usos (3) – This was the Usos’s biggest challenge yet.  It’s one thing to go against The Shield or Daniel Bryan / Bray Wyatt and put on a good show.  It’s another thing when you’re expected to carry the match.  Could the Usos continue their recent success against the Rowan and Harper Wyatt?  If the Usos could pull a top tier match out of the two Wyatt enforcers, it would prove how good the Usos’s in-ring match ability really is.  BTW, the Usos throw some of the best punches I’ve ever seen.  What eventually spanned two commercial breaks and then ended with Bryan attacking Bray, I’d say the Usos were successful in their match against the bigger / stiffer Wyatts.  Congrats Usos, you’re the real deal.  Now dance like no one is watching.
   
   
   
   
4. Brock Lesnar w/ Heyman (N/A&8) – For a guy who only wrestles part-time, he’s still very good at taking bumps.  Speaking of bumps, I’d never say what Brock has on the back of his neck are fat rolls.  He’s so fucking huge that even his neck has muscles.  You want to talk about Batista coming back and being a “beast?” Every time I watch Lesnar my butt-hole clenches up.  The Big Show and Andre the Giant were always wrestlers to me and I was never scared of them, no matter their size.  Lesnar on the other hand scares me.  As I write this, I know he’s about 2,000 miles away in Ohio and from all accounts Lesnar is a nice person when you meet him, but I would shit my pants, pack my bags and move tonight if Lesnar looked into the camera and said, “Bear, I’m coming to get you.”  It’s a shame to waste one of the handful of matches he has on The Big Show.  Assuming Lesnar wins the match against Show, who’s next?  If this wrestling / MMA routine doesn’t work out for these guys, they could always start a good Shylock and collection agency… 
   
5. Daniel Bryan (1) – This was the first time in a while that Bryan got to have a prolonged solo mic segment.  This is the one aspect that I worry Bryan isn’t his strongest at.  But he pulled off his promo.  Even throwing a shot at Vince with, “And some people say I shouldn’t be the Face of this company.”  While the crowd is going crazy for him, chanting YES YES YES.  Bryan confirmed that it was all a ruse, joining the Wyatt Family, just to get revenge against Bray.  OK Bryan, you sold me.  You’ve got the mic skills to go with your incredible in-ring work.  I can’t wait for what should be an epic fight between Bryan and Bray Wyatt at RR.
6. Bray and The Wyatt Family (2) – I’m sorry, I don’t speak gator.  What the fuck was Bray saying?  Who knows, who cares.  I get the gist, Bray is going to beat down Daniel Bryan for his treachery.  One odd thing I picked up was that in the middle of the Wyatt / Usos tag match something funny happened.  Bray started talking and channeled Russell Crowe to become a mixture of Gladiator / Swamp Thing.  Rowan and Harper put on a solid match with the Usos, mainly because of the Usos.  The real anticipation is for this Sunday’s Bray vs Bryan matchup.
7. Batista (N/A) – First thought, he looks to be in great shape.  Second thought, he’s going to rip those jeggings in about two seconds.  It looked like someone painted jeans on Batista like when Sports Illustrated paints bikinis on their models and we’re supposed to pretend like they’re not nude.  (One day, it’s my dream to shake the hand of the person who thought of that little trick for providing years of masterbatorial material.  Yeah, it’s “artistic” wink-wink.  The most fantastically elaborate way of getting the top models on earth to pose naked.  A true pioneer.  My carpal tunnel riddled wrist and arm tips my cap to you.)  The announce crew kept stating all the reasons Batista came back but all I could think was, he’s back to up his profile and make sure the WWE Universe supports his cinematic endeavors (like The Rock did) and come WM30 guess what’s due out in the cineplexes?  The Guardians of the Galaxy!  With all the new tattoos and since he really doesn’t have gimmick to bank on, he should embrace the Drax the Destroyer role and see how quickly he can turn those homecoming cheers into villainous boos.  Maybe it was lost by the telecast but it already seemed like Batista’s face heat was subsiding by the time he destroyed ADR.  Regardless, he’s back.  I wish him well the next few months.  On a physical / homoerotic side note, my girlfriend -REPEAT- my girlfriend wants to know how someone can have such huge shoulders and trap’s but no lat’s and a smallish chest?  It must be hard to find him a masseuse strong enough to work the knots out of those shoulders.  (Another life tip to all you young-in’s: “shoulder’s make the man” so don’t neglect those when you first start working out.  Any professional weightlifter will tell you this.) 
   
   
   
   
   
8. HHH and Stephanie (N/A) – The Authority makes their return.  It feels like forever since these maniacal lovebirds have been on RAW together.  I’ve missed them.  Vince must have been smiling when Stephanie busted out a fantastic promo that not only laid out the championship story but also fit in advertising for the newly announce WWE Network.  She was brilliant.  Not to be outdone, HHH basically touched on every major storyline going on in the WWE.  The only thing that HHH steered away from was any mention of his involvement in recent incidents involving CM Punk.  Even a blind man can see that every one with a connection to HHH is in someway affecting Punk.  I expect some sort of interaction between the two during the Rumble to help push this rumored feud along.  I mean, c’mon.  They made Punk the first wrestler in the rumble.  That always means something.
   
9. Randy Orton (10) – RKO came out on fire and was fantastic.  This is why RKO is worthy of a top slot in the WWE.  HHH and Stephanie are naturally heels as the Authority but only RKO can land further down the heel-scale and make HHH / Stephanie come off looking like faces, if only for a few minutes.  When it was time for his rematch with Kofi from last week, it was a nice touch to have him come out to the ring paranoid.  Constantly looking over his shoulder.  Even with the anticipation of Cena arriving to take vengeance for what RKO did to Cena’s father last week, RKO and Kofi put on a much better match this time around.  When Cena did finally arrive, the bit went Old School.  RKO and Cena took the fight into crowd and up to the arena’s suites.  RKO was able to escape outside the arena.  That’s right, RKO left the building and miraculously jumped into the passenger side of a renal SUV.  While it was preposterous for the announcers to allege that RKO “stole” someone’s car, it was clearly waiting there, I do wonder if RKO didn’t take it upon himself to have someone HE could trust waiting outside for him?  Or he just jumped into a random car and said drive.  Lord know, a greased up RKO jumps into my car and says go, I go.  RKO has some really interesting possibilities coming up.  He’s got trust issues.  He’s got issues with wanting to prove he is the Face of the WWE.  He’s got paranoia issue about everyone coming after his title.  He’s got issues with his employer.  The only problem is that all of his “issues” are intricate and if not handled properly could fail miserably.  RKO suddenly became really interesting. 
   
10. CM Punk (4) – I wish there was more but it seems that there is going to be a Punk / HHH feud but it won’t really pic up steam until or right after the Royal Rumble.  Thanks to Kane, Punk was bestowed the first entry into the Rumble.  Not necessarily a bad thing because the first entrant is usually the guy getting the big push, the one who eventually wins or the one who’s involved in the biggest storyline going in and coming out of the Rumble match.  If anyone has the endurance, ability and guts to go wire-to-wire at the Rumble, it’s Punk.  I’m not so much excited for where Punk has been for the last few weeks but pumped for where he might be going if it’s truly to feud with HHH at WM30.
11. New Age Outlaws (13) – In today’s WWE, where one man will fight the singles match and the partner will be at the announce table, was there any question Road Dogg would be on mic and Mr. Ass Billy Gunn would be in-ring to take on Punk?  The return of the NAO was fun but I’m ready to move onto the main course of Punk / HHH.  I’m Shocked that the NAO are taking on the Rhodes boys for the tag team champs.  With all the great tag talent available, such as the Primetime Players, why is it necessary to bring back the NAO for a tag match.  I understand the quick run they’re having against Punk in service to the bigger HHH story but why keep them around?  Remember when Billy Gunn used to be the powerhouse of the NAO?  Let’s just say time is undefeated.  Although I challenge you to find someone at Gunn’s age to get up that high on those dropkicks like he does.
    
    
12. Korporate Kane / Brad Maddox (12) – I have a feeling it’s about time to “break glass in case of emergency” and free the monster.  Stemming from an incident on Smackdown, Kane is embroiled with CM Punk but it all feels orchestrated to add to the Punk / HHH feud.  It makes more sense for Kane to finally snap and help out Bryan if the rest of the Wyatt Family tries to interfere with the Bryan / Bray match.  The Kane / Maddox relationship is interesting.  If Kane isn’t thrusted back into the ring, I’m interested in where their relationship could go.
    
    
13. John Cena (7) – Even though he’s the Face of the WWE, this is the first time in years that Cena isn’t part of any of the top story lines.  Sure, he’s fighting for the championship vs RKO at the Rumble but isn’t RKO the more interesting character.  They had to bring back RKO vs Cena’s dad just to give any sort of motivation for Cena.  The WWE set up a “Cena-cam” to watch for when Cena was going enter the building?  It seemed like he either wanted a light work night or maybe his flight was late to the show.  It was odd that he came to the arena fully dressed and charging down the utility entrance and into the ring.  Then RKO and Cena battled “old school” up through the crowd and … into at suite?  I must say, I’ve never seen that before.  From there, it just got weirder.  Cena again seemed overly concerned with the people in the crowd.  Asking if “Is everyone OK?” in the suite because maybe RKO ran them over during his escape.  Hello!  These are wrestling fans.  If RKO body slammed or clotheslined a patron, they would be more than thrilled.  I couldn’t tell you what’s going on with Cena.  Then, during the last few minutes of the show, Cena’s glad-handing the fans as he makes his way back to the ring?  The bad news is Cena’s character seems lost.  The good news is that the rest of the roster seems to be picking up the slack.
14. Kofi Kingston (11) – Kofi gets a rematch and a chance to wash away the bad taste of last week’s match out of our mouths.  RKO had that special spark from the beginning of the show which definitely came through when it was time for their rematch.  RKO and Kofi are two of the most naturally gifted athletes the WWE has.  Every match should be a classic.  A win last week and a muddled ending where Cena attacks RKO this week should be good for Kofi but I don’t see the end game.  If past performances mean anything, Kofi is odds on favorite to have the spot of the night at the Rumble.
15. Rey Mysterio (15) – For the past few weeks, it seems like Rey needs about 5 minutes before his pain meds kick in and he’s fully lubricated.  Until then, it’s like watching the tin man trying to move around before Dorothy pumps him full of WD-40.  After he’s loose, we get glimpses of old school Rey which is amazing.  I still say we’re looking at Rey’s goodbye tour this year.  Baring a serious injury, I’m hoping he can have one or two good feuds left and give us a handful of memorable matches because like Ray Allen, when he’s in rhythm he can still stroke the money shot all night.
16. Alberto Del Rio (14) – In his last few matches against Rey, he’s been carrying Rey until he gets warmed up.  Rey still has enough skill to work well with ADR.  How about that killer leg stomp when ADR caught Rey in the corner?  Fred “The Oracle” called it; these matches are just to set up ADR to eventually fall and job to Batista.  It makes sense.  ADR is getting built up but with a string of wins of late, albeit to a hobbled Rey Mysterio and seldom used Sin Cara.  ADR got blasted by Batista and don’t expect this to be the last time.
17. The Big Show (16) – They show us tape of the good Big Show (the mad giant) and then we get the bad Big Show on the mic (the comedian).  Outside of the WWE world, and with the right script / setting, Big Show has the most charisma of almost anyone who walks down the ramp.  The problem is, in the squared circle, angry and limited time Big Show is the better draw than charismatic Big Show.  Luckily for us, the Big Show got through with his act quickly and Heyman / Lesnar made their way to the ring to put an end to Big Show’s nonsense.  I’m really worried for their match.  Lesnar is solid when he’s got a skillful opponent like HHH or Punk but what’s going to happen when Lesnar has to carry the match?  We’ll find out Sunday. 
    
18. AJ Lee and Tamina vs Cameron and Naomi (18) – With a record setting Divas championship title reign, you’d think this would be a joyous occasion for AJ but the writers seem fit to bring back crazy AJ instead of expanding on Harley Quinn AJ (which you might think is the same, but I assure you it’s not).  The AJ that has become a fan favorite is the smart cerebral AJ who’s pissed at the Total Divas, shoots pipe bomb promos and wrestles her ass off in the ring.  Not the cake throwing, table smashing AJ from two years ago.  Hopefully this was a one time flashback.  On the positive side, Naomi has shown the most potential of the new Divas.  Is it a coincidence that the best Divas are the ones dating / married to wrestlers.  Naomi is with one of the Usos, B-cup-Bella is with Daniel Bryan and AJ is with Punk.  Natalya comes from wrestling royalty but she too is married to a very good in-ring performer in Tyson “TeeJaaay” Kidd.  Tamina is a Snuka and has the size to dominate but not yet the skill.  I would never admit this out loud but I would be apposed to watching a fatal 4-way between Naomi, Bella, Natalya and AJ for the championship.  You’ve got one chance Divas, don’t make me regret it…
19. Fan-dan-go w/ Summer Rae (N/A) – Back from the abyss of the unused.  Fandango was thrown into a match with Xavier Woods.  This had to be the WTF match of the night.  It came out of nowhere.  Fandango go the win but I couldn’t tell you why?  Fandango is still getting a solid push and I wonder how he’ll fare in the RR match?  Is he just another contestant or will he continue to receive a push and get one of the prime slots or assignments? 
20. Xavier Woods w/ R-Truth on the mic (N/A) – R-Truth at the announce table is always interesting.  The biggest news is that he’s set to face Damien Sandow on a show called Main Even on a channel called ION.  I will not be hunting this down, which is unfortunate because I pumped up Sandow so much last week that I really wanted to see him capitalize on his fantastic match with Cena.  Why is Xavier Woods even fighting Fandago?  I thought he was in a feud with the newly turned heel, Brodus Clay?  What happened to that?  Is Clay hurt?  Yet another thread that can be built upon during the Rumble match.  This match with Fandango was pointless.  Even though for a spit second, didn’t it seem like R-Truth had grown irritated by Xavier and his loss may have caused some friction between the two? 

Honorable Mentions

Mae Young – RIP.  Say what you will about the nonagenarian, she was down for everything and anything.  She was Bubba-bombed off the stage and through a table.  She gave birth to a hand.  A fucking HAND!  This at a time in her life when most people her age are slurping up dinner and loosing their minds in old age homes.  All in the name of the wrestling business.  We take it for granted that not only was she in the wrestling business for over 70 years and even today women have to work much harder to be respected as something more than just arm candy to the male wrestlers.  Mae was doing that during WWII.  I won’t pretend that I knew any more about Mae Young than the few times I saw her on TV.  Most of the time it involved ridiculous stunts and her old age.  I feel for her family and hope that they take solace that very few people are remembered in this world.  Mae will live on forever in the archives of wrestling and the WWE.

#EMMAtaining – I don’t know who or what she’s all about but it’s the second week in a row that RAW cameras went out of their way to show her in the crowd.  Let’s not gloss over the fact it’s the second week in a row that she’s been IN the crowd.  No doubt this EMMA-person will be a factor in something soon.

Richard Sherman – Off a game winning performance in the NFC Championship win, Sherman gave quite a remarkable heel interview seen here.

Side Note(s)

Royal Rumble gambling pool –

-30 pieces of paper numbered 1-30 placed into a hat or large bowl.

-Divide 30 by the number of people in your crew, that’s how many picks you get (i.e. 10 people, 3 picks each).

-Each person puts in $5 (in this example the pot would be $50)

-The number(s) you have correspond with each wrestler’s entrance slot.  Whichever wrestler comes out at your slot is now your wrestler.

-If your wrestler wins the Rumble, you win the pot ($50 winner takes all).

Done.  Have fun.  It’s a lot of fun for everyone no matter if you’re a die-hard mark or someone who knows nothing about wrestling.  Last year my girlfriend won because she lucked out and got Cena as one of her pics.  Proving ANYONE can win.  Enjoy.

**any odd number of picks can be purchased by someone as bonus chances or put back in as “house picks” where the funds go to pay for the food, beer, PPV, etc.**

I had to include this series of pics.  The three faces of Heyman:

Until next week…

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 11-18-2013

Coming at you from Nashville, this week’s RAW has gone “Country.”  My entire life, I’ve always felt that wrestling’s heart had always landed in a “red state” even though millions of fans live in the city.  The WWE says New York is it’s biggest stage / home (namely MSG but could soon be Barclay’s) but when someone says they’re going to see professional wrestling, don’t tell me your first thought isn’t of some hillbilly toothlessly screaming at a ‘raslin show?  To have a special night that’s “country” is stupid, especially when this is the “go home show” before the Survivor Series PPV.  We have enough on our plate that we don’t need to work country songs and acts into the show.  Besides, what fan of country music is going to tune into RAW for the first time because it’s in Nashville?  People come to the whore house for the whores, it don’t matter if they’re singing Sweet Home Alabama or Wisconsin Death Trip, just as long as the whores know how to fuck.  As city-folk, I’m not interested in this country show and I’d guarantee you’ll never see a RAW that’s gone “inner-city” or “street”.  Back to this being the “go home show” before the PPV, we’ve got some great matches that need the final setup AND I’m very interested in what HHH and Stephanie’s return will mean for the various matches and story lines.  The end of last week’s show was so great, we don’t need any silly gimmicks.  This is the third “go home show” in a row that’s been suspect.  If Vince is worried about buy-rates and PPV main events, work on the wrestling story lines and not the arena.  I’ll go out on a limb and say that the crowd in Boston (where Survivor Series is taking place) doesn’t share the musical tastes of those in Nashville but both want a good wrestling show.  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 11/18/2013…

I will say, the plus side of having this “country” night, I got to fast forward through a lot of stupid country music crap that normally would have gone to in-depth RAW breakdowns.  It made the night go much faster and my job a little easier.  On the negative side, this week’s Power Rankings won’t be the normal 4,000+ words, so really it’s my loyal reader who are doubly punished with this horrible needless country gimmick.  I apologize on behalf of the WWE to all of you.

Also, keep in mind the rankings are a little skewed because almost all the top talent were only involved in the main event and table setter for this weekend’s PPV.

1. 12-man Extravaganza featuring The Shield / The Wyatts vs Punk / Bryan / Usos / Cody and Goldust (1/2/3/4/5) – AKA the battle of the entrance themes.  The beginning of this match reminds me of days gone by when every great wrestler had to top each other with their entrance music / routine.  I’d normally be against tag teams “jaw-jacking” but when tensions between The Shield and Wyatts start to flare, it only gets me excited for their inevitable feud (fingers crossed).  While watching this 12-man match, I realized that as much as I like to Monday-morning-quarterback, the WWE does know what they’re doing a majority of the time.  I loved the match and thought everyone did a great job, but it did show that all these guys in one match might be too much of a good thing.  It would be incredibly hard to give each group and feud the proper time in a classic ‘Series match.  I’m glad we got to see this match but now that it’s out of my system, I’m looking forward to the two matches on the PPV that were spawned from tonight’s main event.  Let’s not forget the cherry on the night, the return of Rey Mysterio Jr.  I think it’s safe to say that Mysterio is the fifth man on the Sheild / Americans vs Usos / Rhodes / mystery man Traditional Survivor Series match.  The Wyatts vs Punk and Bryan will be a great match as well.  Although I’d like to see Bray Wyatt be a scheduled participant in the PPV match, I’ll bet that he plays a major role in the match.  Since I’m doing a bit of predicting already, I’ll go out on a limb and say both of these matches will shuffle the deck but ultimately bring the teams closer together.  My friend, Freddy D “The Oracle,” pointed out that Survivor Series brings groups and tag teams together while just a few months down the road is the Royal Rumble which is when you see teams get split apart.  Take Cody and Goldust, they’ll be great at Survivor Series but one of them will probably cause the other to get eliminated from The Rumble which will lead to the much anticipated Rhodes family feud.  The Superstars are all aligning for these tried-and-true plots to start taking place.  
2. Rand Orton (6) – Even with an initial line reading flub (although, I’ll bet that HHH was supposed to say, “Who do you think you are?” instead of “Who are you talking to?” a true thespian would have been able to improve that spot better) RKO can put on a show.  Going from petulant child to grinning bully to selling a near upset to trouncing Maddox, I find it incomprehensible for people to not see RKO’s greatness.  You can hate or love his character but when he’s on his game there’re few better at performing all aspects of the wrestling spectrum.  Unfortunately, RKO’s caught up in this feud between HHH and Stephanie vs Big Show.  RKO was stuck without a top tier opponent once Punk and Bryan were placed against The Wyatts, and with Cena fighting ADR, the only person left (in the WWE’s eyes) was The Big Show.  RKO can’t loose this match otherwise it would be another hit to the WWE championship.  It’s not as obvious that HHH or Stephanie will have some sort of roll to play in this match (i.e. when HHH was the guest ref for the Bryan / RKO match) but I’m hoping that they will intervene because this match needs something extra.  As unbelievable as it sounds, this match has fallen behind the two tag matches and the Cena / ADR match as far as importance and anticipation.  I dare say, the WWE could open Survivor Series with this match.  None of this happens to be RKO’s fault. 
3. HHH and Stephanie (N/A) – They’re back from vacation, sporting matching spray tans and wasting no time making their presence felt.  As a boss, I’ve known the displeasure of coming back to the office and seeing what the mice have done while the cat’s away.  Yes, maybe Maddox and Guerrero (and Kane) didn’t perform as HHH & Steph would have hoped but we did get a great ending…Aw, who cares!  Putting Maddox against RKO in a no DQ match was great and even better was putting Vickie against AJ (finally putting AJ in the spotlight).  Their return was solid as you would expect.  As with most segments, due to the need for time to promote all the various country BS, they didn’t do a ton other than get the show going and doling out punishments.
4. Cena (7) – The lack of boos for Cena illustrates that Nashville is a town of nimrods.  Don’t fight me on this, I’ve been to Nashville, they’re nice people but clearly they don’t know good wrestling.  The PPV will be a great barometer because it’s in Boston (Cena’s home town in case you haven’t heard) and if he gets even close to his 50/50 crowd split, it will be impressive from a mark point of view.  Surprisingly I’m looking forward to this match because I think ADR will bring out the best in Cena.  As much as I’d love to see ADR beat Cena and regain the World strap, I’m guessing Cena will hold on to the title a bit longer, even though I don’t know for what purpose. 
5. Alberto Del Rio (11) – Holy Santa Maria Batman!  ADR is such a better heel than he is a face.  Again, this was a night which no one had ton of time to flesh out their plot lines.  Although this one is pretty simple and has been straight forward.  It’s a rematch.  ADR is going after Cena’s arm.  The match pits the WWE superhero Cena (80% chance of winning) vs a WWE super villain ADR (20% chance of winning).  This feud with Cena has cemented ADR’s heel status.  The reason this would be a great win is because 1) what better place to push ADR’s villain status than to beat Cena in his home town and 2) with ADR’s heel status cranked to 11, what better time to have him take the championship and then defend it against top contenders in Kofi, Ziggler, Sheamus, Miz, R-Truth, Sandow, etc.  The irony is that up until last week all of these guys were either faces or directionless, now these other contenders have either flipped to being a fellow heel (i.e. Sandow) OR suddenly shown signs of being in other feuds (i.e. Kofi / Miz) or winning a different belt (i.e. Big E).  We’ll have to let this play out.
6. Big E Langston (8) – I know fashion is cyclical but someone has to tell Big E that CrossColors is not back in style.  I’m also not sure if maroon is the best color for him to wear.  He looks like one of the California Raisins.  Oh, did I mention that he thankfully ended Axel’s reign as IC champ?  Congrats to Big E on his first strap.  I thought it was going to be Ziggler who would take the IC title but I’ll reiterate my stance that even though Axel almost relegated the IC championship to a Flavor-Flav-sized belt buckle, with time a good IC champ could return the belt to prominence.  Big E has been impressive and will be a good champ.  He’s certainly getting a huge push lately.  The win was well deserved and I hope for good things from our new IC champ, Big E Langston.
7. Vickie Guerrero (14) – Tonight was a stellar performance by Vickie.  She was able to out crazy AJ.  She passed my girlfriend test who found Vickie’s constant passing out hilarious.  For the second week in a row, she made the most out of what she was given.  Even down to her muted Excuse Me.  In a week without Heyman, she took the torch of the ridiculous manager / GM role.
8. AJ Lee (N/A) – Could it be, we finally get a prolonged taste of AJ?  Weeeeelll, not so much.  BUT she did get to bounce around and be the main opponent in Vickie Guerrero’s best night in a long time.  Even without the Total Divas machine, AJ has retained the belt.  For the most part, the 7-on-7 Survivor Series match is basically a Total Divas vs AJ and crew match.  I pray that AJ gets to shine and we aren’t subjected to a 20 minute ‘Series match where AJ stands in the corner until the end.
9. Brad Maddox (16) – There were few moments of character development this evening but Maddox and Vickie were two of the few standouts in terms of fun story telling.  Coming out alongside Vickie, with his tail between his legs, you almost felt bad for him.  If anyone was going to be HHH and Stephanie’s punching bag it was going to be Maddox.  Maddox seemed all but doomed until he got a small opening in his match before the hammer of RKO fell upon him.
10. R-Truth and Xavier Woods (15&N/A) – First off, who the hell is Xavier Woods?  He looks like a jacked up James Brown.  The WWE promotion machine is all or nothing.  Take The Wyatts or Los Matadores, they’ll get weeks of hype and promos.  If you’re not someone that the WWE thinks is a sure shot, you get to be R-Truth’s never seen before hype-man.  You can debate on the success of The Wyatts and Matadores but they at least got the full WWE push.  Mr. Woods on the other hand?  Course, when you look like the black Baba-booey, do you really need any hype?  To my surprise, Woods made an excellent debut.  It’s funny how R-Truth is now an older statesmen in the locker room, ushering in new talent and being a reliable tag partner.  I know it was a small sample size but I’m giving them a nice bump this week.  
    
    
    
    
11. The Big Show (13) – Tonight told us two things; a) we’re reminded that Big Show is best in small doses and b) is anyone hyped for this Big Show vs RKO match?  It will be interesting to see where they place this match on the PPV.  It’s not going ahead of Cena vs ADR and I hope it’s not higher than the two tag team match ups.  Unless HHH and Stephanie have a way to sprucing up this match, the WWE championship match is no better than fourth?!  With all the time and effort the creative team has put into this RKO / Authority / Big Show feud, the WWE has failed on this one. 
12. Dolph Ziggler (18) – Poor Ziggler, the WWE is doing all they can to embarrass him.  Yet Ziggler finds a way to shine (and win) in one of the most idiotic matches, a Broadway Brawl, which Ziggler channels his inner-Honky-tonk man.  I take back the “most idiotic” part because the crowd got on overly excited when Ziggler was smashing drums over Sandow’s head.  Clearly the WWE knows how to cater to a Nashville crowd.  Regardless, I hope this was the final punishment that Ziggler has to endure to get out of the WWE doghouse.  He’s another guy who people can love or hate but they can’t deny his talent.  I’m starting a #FreeZiggler campaign.  
13. Damien Sandow (12) – Sandow seems to be coping with the loss of his MitB chance by binge eating.  Is it a little gay of me to notice that Sandow’s belly is stating to sag over his little black trunks?  Maybe but wouldn’t you be pounding fast food on the road to feed your depression if you lost the MitB match and had to loose a Broadway Brawl match via an El-Kabong to the dome after being corralled by a bass drum.
14. Kofi Kingston (HM) – I was hoping that Kofi was the mystery teammate of The Rhodes and Usos but as the night concluded it seems that Mysterio will be the mystery teammate.  Kofi was great and athletic as usual.  He’s more than deserving to have the next big push and has the ability go up against anyone.  That said, it seems like…
15. The Miz (N/A) – Out of nowhere Miz has snapped and turned on his fellow face, Kofi.  Maybe this is the heel turn that will put Miz back on our radars.  He’s done his best work as a face but nothing to show that he can’t also be good heel.  Lest we forget he was bestowed the figure-four-leg-lock by Ric Flair.  Maybe it’s time for him to follow Flair’s footsteps as a heel?
16. Ryback (15) – If you would have told me that between Axel and Ryback, Ryback would be the Heyman guy who has a better career projection, I’d have called you a perfect fool!  I don’t think there’s a wrestler that talks during a match as much as Ryback does, even to his detriment because you can hear he prattle on with his opponent about what their next moves are going to be.  I will give him credit for lifting  up Big Show without hurting Big Show or himself.  Obviously he wasn’t going to win the match but between the two, Ryback was more impressive.  That’s not a very high bar. 
17. Curtis Axel (17) – Axel seemed to get the appropriate amount of negative heat, and not for being a heel but for sucking donkey balls.  You can’t have strong heel heat when you have no personality.  Thank god he dropped the IC belt.  Hopefully Big E can bring some respectability back to the belt.  In the meantime Axel better step up his game or he’ll be back to OVW or WWE’s brand new developmental training facility.
18. The Real Americans w/ Zeb (13) – Who’d have guessed that Zeb and The Real Americans would get one of their biggest pops in Nashville (he says facetiously).    Once again Cesaro demonstrates that he’s the standout wrestler of this tag team.  The most shocking thing was to find out that they’d be teaming up with The Shield to fight Cody / Goldust / The Usos / Mysterio (most likely).  I’m guessing they might take out one or two opponents at most but then will be quickly dispatched in order to leave The Shield vs some combination of the Rhodes / Usos.  I wouldn’t be upset if this was were we start to see the crack in The Real Americans and Cesaro making the leap to singles wrestling. 
19. “Rhinestone Cowboys” aka 3MB (19) – Did the WWE listen to me and take my advice about 3MB take on the persona of each new city the show is in?  I’m not sure I can take all the credit but I’m guessing I had about 64-72% to do with it.  You’re welcome America.  3MB, or whatever they’re calling themselves, were able to keep their jobbing streak alive.  Congrats.  KCC (keep cashing checks).
20. N/A – This spot has been locked down by Los Matadores for the past few weeks but it was an odd night.  Luckily we weren’t suffered by the train wreck of El Torito.  Also, most of the top stars were lumped together in the 12-man tag which left a lot of open slots.  I wasn’t going to throw in a Broski or even David Otunga’s mention just to round out the rankings.  This week, there wasn’t a #20.  These are a sacred Rankings and they won’t be sullied by the undeserved.  Without rules and standards, all we’re left with is chaos.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to proof read my rankings of the Rhinestone Cowboys and Vickie “I know where the bodies are buried” Guerrero.

Honorable Mentions

Korporate Kane – I like the gimmick.  I like the look.  The problem is, he’s done nothing.  Maybe this is the twist HHH and Stephanie will inject into the RKO / Big Show match by having Kane interfere with Big Show to let RKO retain the championship or possibly vice-versa.  What’s the point in having a monster in your employ if you’re not going to use him?  If all he’s there to do is to make sure the Brad Maddoxes of the world make it to their matches, they’re wasting his talents.  

Primetime Players – Their absence is a big conspicuous.  In this rejuvenated tag team era, the Primetime Players have been curiously absent.  Maybe it’s nothing, maybe they’re lying in wait for their time to strike.  Month ago, when listing off the strength of the tag division, they were at the top of the list.  Now they’ve been leapfrogged by the likes of the Real Americans, a far inferior team but true heels.   

Musical Diva Chairs – JBL said it perfectly, “This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen.” 

Side Note(s) 

Wrestlers do not age well.  Need proof…

It’s official, Country music is now just bad rap music set to poor guitar playing.  The video for Florida Georgia Line had the same formula that every 2000’s rap / pop song has; “my cool car and you should be in it” feature a smoking hot babe being shuttled in and out of said car.  The only difference (besides the music) is that rappers want to get their cars as low as possible while the country singers want their trucks lifted as high as possible.  

Not a good night if you were hoping for a Survivor Series match between The Shield / The Wyatts vs The Rhodes / Usos / CM Punk / Daniel Bryan.  Although that would have been a dream matchup, I can see it being an overbooked match.  It would be hard to give every Superstar their chance to shine.  In lieu of the mega-match we’re getting somewhat watered-down ‘Series match and a tag match but this could be a good thing.  The Shield / The Real Americans vs Rhodes / Usos / myster-io guest will work out better.  The myster-io guest and the Usos will probably get the short end of the stick when they get eliminated along with The Real Americans.  Hey someone’s got to get knocked off first.  If it leaves us with any sort of pairing of The Shield vs either or both of Cody / Goldust, I’m good.  The same can be said for the Wyatts vs Punk / Bryan match.  There’s little doubt that Bray will essentially make this a handicap match but it should be a good one.  By splitting the super 12-man match, which we got a good taste of tonight, we should get 2 excellent tag matches featuring great wrestling and probably some twists and turns if the in-ring storytelling is done right.

My wrestling crew is getting together for this one.  It should be a solid PPV.  Survivor Series is technically one of the four Majors so expect some fireworks.  

Until next week…