Coming at you from Cleveland (hello!), and with everything going on within the world of sport, I almost forgot that Kevin Hart was the special guest on Monday’s RAW. Now, whether this makes for a comedy centric RAW or the usual special guest segment or two, we’ll have to see. As much as I think Hart can bring the funny, the WWE can definitely become star-struck when they get a guest from Hollywood who especially likes to ham it up and doesn’t mind getting involved. My biggest issue with Kevin Hart is that when he is out promoting, there isn’t a show he won’t do. He does EVERYTHING which tends to burn me out. This could be a perfect storm for a clusterfuck of a show centered around Kevin Hart.
Not only will RAW battle the temptations of Kevin Hart but they’re also in Cleveland. For some reason, Cleve-onians (?) are weird and obsessive. This can lead to things like, The Miz’s family being in front row and The Miz getting his ass destroyed which has nothing to do with current story lines. Ziggler, who magically goes from being from “Hollywood, Florida” to his actual birthplace of Cleveland, starts firing off super enthusiastic tweets from his hometown fans all day. I think it’s an Ohio thing and specifically a Cleveland thing. Let’s face it, if you’re unlucky enough to be from Cleveland, you know pain and misery. It must be a sweet distraction from a horrible Cleveland existence when the WWE is in town.
Before we go on, let’s give it up to a true American Outlaw who represented the USA on Monday with ultimate badass-ery. Mr. Clint Dempsey, seen here prior to our first soccer match (or football as the rest of the world calls it) of the World Cup, in which he scored a goal in 33rd second (first 33 seconds!) and played through a broken nose. A game in which we exorcised the Kane-like demons of losing to Ghana in the last two World Cups with a great 2-1 victory! USA, USA, USA!!!
Where were we? Oh yes, Cleveland… it’s a dump. But like Mr. Dempsey, we will fight on. The WWE is coming off two solid weeks of RAW in which Evolution, Rollins, The Shield, The Wyatt Family, Cena, the mid-carders and even the newbies (like Bo Dallas) are providing some quality entertainment. Also, Money in the Bank is right around the corner and even though the WHC is still in flux due to Daniel Bryan’s medial condition, MitB is usually an exciting PPV. This is why I don’t want the show to be bogged down with too many Kevin Hart antics. I have hopes of Hart coming out during an Alicia Fox match, channeling Jules from Pulp Fiction and giving her the “Bitch, be cool” routine. Fingers crossed.
So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 6/16/2014…
The show starts with the entire locker room to hear a “critical” announcement. The announcement, a Battle Royal for a slot in the MitB match (sans Ambrose, Reigns and Cena, which led me to believe they would be involved at some point in the proceedings).
- Goldust and ??? (16) – “Super Galactic” - Cody is no more, there is only Stardust. You can hear the attorney’s clocks start ticking away as KISS is filing the copyright infringement papers. We watch wrestling to be entertained. Doing these recaps and power rankings can leave you jaded. Sometimes you have to take a step back and remember none of these things we watch or activities we do have any real meaning. They’re all for our entertainment. Nothing put a smile on my face like seeing Cody come out in the full Stardust experience. Not only was it a costume change but a persona change. I know there’s going to be a group that doesn’t get it and will probably hate this new gimmick but I love it. Maybe I’ll grow tired of it in a week, month, year or never but as of today, I LOVE IT. It’s far better than the Brother vs Brother match we thought the WWE was headed toward. Take all this love with a grain of salt, poor writing will destroy these two characters. Having said that, we know both can wrestle so if they want to take a chance and have two characters not of the cookie-cutter wrestler mold, I’m all for it. Bravo to Cody for taking the chance as well and giving it 100%.
- Dolph Ziggler (2) – Ziggler and Rollins have been putting on some good matches everywhere except on RAW. Finally we get to see what these two fan and mark-favorite Superstars can do. They certainly didn’t disappoint. That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you put on a match. You’re telling me that a Rollins / Ziggler match couldn’t headline? What I’m dubbing as, “The Night of DQ run-ins” Ziggler got the win via Ambrose interrupting at the end.
- Seth Rollins (1) – Fantastic match with Ziggler. I still stand by the theory that Rollins has another twist to pull off. I thought Fred “The Oracle” has a great theory that Rollins could be walking out of MitB with the WHC, which he first predicted on the BEARcast - WrestleCast (found at www.worldofbear.com and subscribe on iTunes). Although that seems unlikely now because Reigns is in the MitB main event and it seems like an undercard on the PPV could be Rollins vs Ambrose? IF that does make it on the MitB card, I’ll put an early prediction for Rollins vs Ambrose being Match of the PPV even with a MitB match which is shaping up to be pretty good. Lastly, isn’t it odd that Rollins came out with his normal Shield costume were as Ambrose had a slightly different look?
- Dean Ambrose (2) – For anyone who doubted that Ambrose could be Piper 2.0, you only have to look at how he interrupted the end of the Ziggler / Rollins match. I had to do a double take to realize it wasn’t Piper but Ambrose dashing into the fray wearing jeans, black shirt and leather jacket. Whether it’s great planning or the WWE just got lucky, the fans got a great match from Ziggler and Rollins which led to an impromptu match of Ambrose vs Barrett that was almost as good. Great booking by the WWE.
- Roman Reigns (2) – Oh, the old dipping you dick in the coffee trick. It works every time. There was no surprise that Reigns found a way into the Battle Royal and once in that he was going to win. The surprising part was that he showed some competent acting chops away from his fellow Shield members. Reigns is on the short list of possible winners of the MitB match.
- Bray and The Wyatt Family (3) – Bray’s entrance, with the help of the crowd’s cell phone lights, is getting more and more impressive. We’re told that on SmackDown Bray won a spot in the MitB match. Fine. He’s a top guy now and deserves to be in the mix for this particular MitB situation (where the WWE championship is up for grabs) but there’s no chance in hell that he’s winning. It’s interesting because Bray’s got the heat to win the WHC but is his character actually ready for the WHC and does he really need it? I think he might be better served, and the WWE as well, if he doesn’t have the WHC belt. Bray put on a shoot to try and convince you that he needs the WWE WHC belt(s) but what he really needs is a great win at a PPV. Rowan and Harper are getting their chance to shine as a tag team to fight The Usos at MitB. If there was a god, I’d be thanking him a million times over that we’re getting Usos vs Wyatt Family at MitB rather than Usos vs Ryb-Axel. Just look at those two options. On what planet or alternate universe would anyone want to see Ryb-Axel instead of The Wyatt Family?
- #BadNewsBarrett (7) – What are we to make of BNB at the moment? He’s over with the crowd, as a heel no less. He’s got gold around his waste. He’s putting on good matches but he’s loosing and not in any feud or in the MitB main event like his peers. You can’t say he’s getting buried because even HHH is using him as a tool. So what’s he doing? They have a week to figure something out before MitB.
- Sheamus (9) – Sheamus has a few good matches and thinks he can go out to beat up Bray, HA! I will say, Sheamus put on another good performance. He’s another participant in the MitB match who I give no chance at winning. At least now he’s got a little heat with Bray which may be the next feud after MitB? If Sheamus doesn’t join Evolution (rumored), he could do well building on his surprising face heat by taking on Bray for a short window. I can’t stress enough, SHORT window. No one wants to see an extended Bray / Sheamus feud. Nevertheless, Sheamus got the DQ win over Bray with some backup from The Usos.
- The Usos (10) – As much as I like the Usos, I’ve grown tired of their same gimmick over and over again. A few weeks ago we got their first real shoot and it was promising. Since then, nothing. All they’ve done is sidled up to Superstars that need baby-face backup. For a while it was Cena and this week it was Sheamus. Hopefully, now that they’re going against a worthy opponent in Rowan and Harper, they’ll regain their spark. Otherwise, they’re current gimmick is going to get stale like a freshly chopped body in Hannibal Lecter’s fridge. Is anyone else watching that show? Can you believe what they’re getting away with on NBC? It’s the most horrific cooking show on TV.
- HHH and Stephanie (5) – As usual, let’s get the real important business out of the way, as WWE fashion expert, Stephanie got an A-minus on RAW. An off the shoulder, retro-Rockabilly / neo-con mix that really worked well. Amazingly she was able to keep a clean sheet even after a two-nil vomit battle vs Vickie Guerrero (my soccer references are on point today!) Once again, HHH and Stephanie worked well together. Lest anyone thinks that the WWE would frivolously waste an idea, the Stretcher Match (which was going to make an appearance at MitB if Bryan was healthy was now to be used for a Cena vs Kane match on RAW. The problem is, a good stretcher match takes time. Time that is not going to be afforded on the average RAW, let alone one that included a Battle Royal AND Kevin Hart. I could already tell that the skip button on the remote was going to get a lot of use. Maybe this will surprise people, but I didn’t mind the Reigns ban / spiked coffee / Stephanie getting sick / Vickie getting tricked to letting Reigns in the Battle Royal story. Was it very simple and sophomoric? Yes. But it was quick, easy and got Reigns into the MitB main event. Not every week do Lannisters need to die on a toilet for me to be happy.
- Heyman (8) – When he looks to the heavens, I expect him to do a shoot toward god, warning The All Mighty that his client, Brock Lesner, will soon meet him in battle and destroy the Kingdom of Heaven. Heyman is the best.
- John Cena (4) – Why is he selling a little cum rag? Can’t he sell a beach towel or something a little bigger than a dishrag. Did the sweatshop that makes the WWE clothing screw up an order and send them a billion small towels by accident and they figured they’ll make a quick buck? Cena is getting so big that maybe that is a beach towel but Cena is just a monster? It’s a new dawn in the WWE, you don’t have to look like horse testosterone is coursing through your veins. From the moment the WWE announced Bray Wyatt is in the MitB match and showed that there was only one slot left for the MitB match, Cena was winning. Ever since Cena threw the ring stairs at Bray at Payback, Cena has thrown stairs in every match since. If only the WWE could combine the Special Olympics with a ring-stair-throwing competition, they would have complete synergy. I’m aware this is not the first time steps have been used but Cena has taken this to a whole new level. Since stretcher matches, especially on RAW, are so boring and with Cena’s new love of throwing stairs, I’d have rather just watched a wrestler strongman contest to see who can throw the ring stairs the furthest.
- “The Demon” Kane (N/A) – You know why there hasn’t been a stretcher match on RAW in 10 years? Because they suck. Someone in the WWE needs to explain to me why / how would an AA from Cena onto the stretcher incapacitate someone? If anything, it seems like a gentle way of carrying a 300 pound man to bed. Landing on a soft padded gurney would put Kane asleep if anything. Once again, Kane proves to be the most resilient of all characters. Win, loose, DQ, no show, it doesn’t matter. He’s the Ace up the WWE’s sleeve that they can use at anytime, in any fashion and it doesn’t take away from the character.
- Adam Rose / Summer Rae vs Fandango / Layla (N/A&20) – “Party-foul” and Rose won. I actually felt bad for Kevin Hart because while they kept Hart from taking over the show, he was dropped into the RoseBud circus. At least with Hugh Jackman you got Sandow dressed as Magneto and Ziggler came out with him. Maybe it’s consolation to the Kofi’s, R-Truth’s, Henry’s and Titus’s of the world that the WWE also buries it’s black guest stars just the same as their wrestling Superstars.
- Sandow (20) – Dressed as Cleveland’s favorite son, LeBron James! Of course he was the first one out and good for him. Other than Reigns taking out Rusev for the win, Sandow is the only other thing I remember from a waste of time Battle Royal. I’m still holding out hope for good things for Sandow.
- Alexander Rusev w/ Lana (12) – Lana’s killing it with Cheap Heat and good looks. Rusev is getting a massive push. It was encouraging to see Rusev and Big E go at it, if only for a moment, during the Battle Royal. The WWE needs to continue with that feud.
- Battle Royal match (N/A) – It’s fascinating how the Royal Rumble is so awesome but Battle Royals are usually the worst piece of shit matches. Rusev’s been on a tare lately and even though he went down to presumably the next WWE star, did it hurt his aura of invincibility? In this case, perhaps it would have been better for Rusev’s brand to get the “giant’s loss” in which 10 guys need to work together to get him up and over the top? And again, there were three certainties in life Monday night; Death, Taxes and Roman Reigns winning the Battle Royal.
- Cameron w/ Naomi vs Paige (N/A&14) – Divas match alert!!! Cameron is vastly inferior to Naomi and is in the bottom tier of Divas. I guess they have to throw a dog a bone every now and then but Naomi should have been the one wrestling Paige. To Paige’s credit, this is the first time I can recall her being on the offensive for most of the match. Disappointing match on because there’s a crop of quality wrestlers in the Divas division and for once, I’d like to see what they can do.
- Ryb-Axel (18) – For anyone who is says Rowan and Harper suck or this Goldust / Stardust gimmick is garbage, I want you to look at Ryb-Axel and remember that these two fools were a botched finisher and sloppy 1-2-3 count away from being WWE World Tag Team Champions at MitB. Rowan and Harper, Goldust and Stardust are literally saving the tag team division from what was (and still could be) a title reign by one of the least charismatic, poorly performing and all around lame tag teams in the WWE. These two need to swap places with The Ascension in NXT and rework their gimmick or split up and still work on their gimmicks. Let The Ascension give the WWE tag division a chance.
- Heath Slater (HM) – After surviving a WWE purge of talent, the sole MB-er is still just as lame as the others that were cut. Clearly the WWE sees something in Slater that has yet to translate to RAW. Look, he barely got any face pop being the champion for the USA vs a heel Rusev. Not a good sign.
Honorable Mentions
Kevin Hart – He came out to do announcing during the Summer Rae / Rose vs Fandango / Layla fight. Why do I get the feeling that’s a baby-Jeezy shirt custom shrunk for Hart? I worried the WWE was going to wedge Hart in too many segments. After the show, I wish they did. Hart was promoting the wrong movie to a WWE audience.
Vickie Guerrero – Reigns pulled a Littlefinger on the coffee that Vickie was delivering to The Authority. I’ve grown to enjoy her work and willingness to play along. Having an elderly woman get vomited on is probably their response to the slightly pornographic milking of Layla last week.
Dual Championship coat hanger – Remember when the WWE first set to unify the two WWE championship belts, they used this well crafted hanger that suspended both belts and had the WWE insignia cut into its design. At the time I questioned the effort and money wasted on a one-off closet tool but I was pleased to see it make another appearance this week. Suspending both championships (which is still a mystery to why there are still two belts) high above the ring in preparation for the MitB winner is a beautiful thing…and tells us we probably won’t be seeing Daniel Bryan too soon.
Fans of the Night – The four guys dressed as WWE referees about 5 rows back. Well done gentlemen.
Side Note(s)
Was it me or did anyone else catch Lana mouth, “That’s bullshit” when Stephanie announce Alberto Del RRRRRio as having qualified for the WHC ladder match at MitB? I don’t know what set Lana off but I’m grateful for friend of the BEARcast (www.worldofbear.com) Ethan for finding a clip of Lana expressing her feelings about the show opening. I hope she doesn’t get into too much trouble.
“They” are doing the advertising for this Transformer movie all wrong. Is there any fan of Transformers that isn’t going to see this new movie? I can’t wait! It’s such a tease each time. All they needed to do was flash the Transformers sign and post three simple words: Dino-Fucking-Bots. Done deal pal, I’ll be there Thursday night at midnight. Dinobots! What else do you need to know? A promise of a blow job during a movie couldn’t get me more excited for going to a movie than just the word Dinobots.
The Special Olympic athletes have it hard enough, do we really need to punish them by making them travel and compete in New Jersey? Who’s sick joke is this? I’m just saying…New Jersey? At least it’s not Cleveland. You can always drive to NYC from New Jersey.
Until next time…
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