WWE Power Rankings, RAW 10-14-2013

Coming at you from St. Louis, I’m still woozy from a fabulous Dodger win in game three of the NLCS so bare with me if I get weird tonight.  With any luck, I’ll be writing this next week after the Dodgers start play in the World Series.  The stress from watching your favorite team(s) can be too much on the body.  Yet another reason why wrestling is so great, you know there’s a master plan behind it all.  There’s an unspoken agreement between the audience and promoters that we’re all watching a “sporting event” with the fate of each match left to the brave athletes who enter the squared circle.  It also alleviates the ulcer causing stress of gambling on a match.  Although I plead the 5th on having ever bet on a wrestling match.  What happens between you and your bookie, stays between you and your bookie.  It’s like a priest and confessions, except the priest doesn’t threaten to knock you out, take your liver to sell on the black market and leave you in a tub of ice to wake up in when you screw up.  I’m getting off point.  We can share gambling war stories another day.  Go Dodgers!  Back to the wholesome family show of nearly naked, greased up men throwing each other around a ring.  We’re coming off a solid show last week and with Hell in the Cell coming up in two weeks, the chessboard is being set.  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 10/14/2013...

The highs of this RAW were really high but unfortunately, the lows were really low.  To add a little spice, I added some movie and television quotes to each ranking.  So if you don’t like the rankings, at least you’ll be reminded of some great movies. 

1. HHH and Stephanie (3) – (“Say my name.” - Breaking Bad)  Do you think Stephanie rattles off all of HHH’s monickers before they have sex?  I know it would be mandatory if I was the 13 time champ, King of Kings, Cerebral Assassin, etc.  Never mind insecurities.  These two keep knocking it out of the park.  Even in the WTF episode a few weeks ago, they were one of the few things that worked.  It’s too easy to write it off (maybe a pun intended?) as them being the owners and making sure they get the best writing and story.  We’ll never know if that’s 100% the case but we do know that they have to go out there and sell it.  Every week, whether it’s HHH or Stephanie or both, they are the highlight and straw that stirs the drink.  I think it would be an interesting experiment to have Bryan Cranston and Anna Gunn switch places with HHH and Stephanie.  I think you’d find it a lot harder than people think to pull off what HHH and Stephanie do each week in front of a live audience of 15,000+ and on TV around the world.
2. The Shield (1) – (“Normally, both your asses would be dead as fucking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this shit while I'm in a transitional period so I don't wanna kill you, I wanna help you.” - Pulp Fiction)  As weird as this sounds but loosing the tag belts is probably the best thing to happen to The Shield.  It seems that Ambrose is not long to drop his belt as well, which frees The Shield to do anything and get involved in any of the story lines within the WWE.  All the straps helped validate The Shield at first but now it’s time they moved on.  Times change and they’re ready for the next challenge.  Not only did they steal the show with their match against the Rhodes brothers but now they have a clean slate going into Hell in the Cell, which makes them the wild card.  Even if they don’t do anything on that PPV, they’re poised to be a threat to whomever is next in their crosshairs.
3. Randy Orton (2) – (“Drainage! Drainage, Eli, you boy. Drained dry. I'm so sorry. Here, if you have a milkshake, and I have a milkshake, and I have a straw. There it is, that's a straw, you see? You watching?. And my straw reaches acroooooooss the room, and starts to drink your milkshake... I... drink... your... milkshake!” - There Will Be Blood)  St. Louis is RKO’s hometown so you knew he was going to have a good night.  Someone took their acting pills this morning.  RKO and HBK had a nice promo.  Even to his own admission, St. Louisians’ / St. Louis’s / St. Louisner’s (?) aren’t very smart.  So memorizing and performing that great shoot took all of RKO’s power and left him open to a sneak attack by The Miz.  Suddenly a match broke out and to everyone’s shock RKO and Miz were putting on a decent match.  Luckily for RKO, the Wyatt Family came out to distract Miz (oh, how I wish there was an easy way I could convey sarcasm within text).  RKO was on fire tonight.  He beat up on the Miz, he almost cuckold’d both Bellas, he beat down Bryan and if you listen closely as he left the room he was breathing like Darth Vader.  Like him or not, pretty impressive night.  The unavoidable involvement by HBK at Hell in the Cell better be good because I’m fairly hyped about the match all by itself.  As much as I like this RKO and feel this is where he should have been these last few years, he’s become a bully so be prepared for him to loose at Hell in the Cell.   
4. Cody Rhodes & Goldust (4) – (“Ohh, what's really going to bake your noodle later on is, would you still have broken it if I hadn't said anything?” - The Matrix)  It’s been a LONG strange road to get to this tag team and these matches.  If you would have told me in 1999 that Goldust had a brother and they would team up in 2013 for some of the best matches, against a group called The Shield; I would have...well who knows, I was so stoned all the time sure, what the hell.  I’d have believed you.  Seriously, the fact that Goldust looks to be in the best shape he’s been in for years and putting on quality matches is simply amazing.  Cody has certainly made the leap up from directionless mid-carder.  Now that they have the belts, the real work begins.  As noted previously, the Tag division is stacked.  You could go conventionally and have them feud with the Primetime Players or the Usos.  Or you could go in the Wyatt Family direction (hopefully not, see future of Shield).  Or you could have them destroy the barnacles of the WWE by laying to waste the Real Americans, Los Matadores, 3MB, etc. and cleaning house (which thinking about it, they don’t need to waste their time with jobbers).  I’m hoping this is the start of a new golden era of tag matches / feuds.  Then as soon as they drop the belts or have run their course as partners, we’ll finally get the brother vs brother match that Cody and Goldust were meant to have.  I can see Dusty pleading for peace in the family, or better yet PICKING A SIDE!  Too. Many. Possibilities. Ma’ brain hurts thinking about it.  The best part, the wrestling should be awesome.
5. CM Punk (6) – (“Now I am the master.” - Star Wars)  There’s no way Punk should have even come close to the 5:44 time to beat in the Beat the Clock match with Axel.  I was shocked the match lasted longer than 1 minute.  It would have been great, and I would have loved to see the look on Heyman’s face, if Punk just super-kicked Axel upon entering the ring and finished him in 5 seconds (2 seconds for the kick and 3 for the count).  A surprisingly solid match, just like the R-Truth / Ryback match earlier in the show.  With Punk’s win, we learned that the Hell in the Cell match would not only be a triple threat match but also a Hell in the Cell match (what a shocker).  Really, shouldn’t each match on the card be a Hell in the Cell match?!?!  What am I missing here?  Why is this not the case already?  Regardless, I don’t know what Heyman, Ryback and assumably Axel will bring to a Hell in the Cell match but I’d put my money on Punk carrying the load to an excellent match. 
6. Alberto Del Rio (8) – (“Oh Ron, there are literally thousands of other men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you.” - Anchorman)  It was an odd selection to have ADR interrupt Bryan’s walk to the ring to confront HHH and Stephanie.  ADR has a litany of other wrestlers to feud with but this attack does suit his heel persona.  If it’s only for the week and it means we get a solid match between the two very capable in-ring performers, I can dig it.  Dare I say, ADR was the better performer in his match with Bryan.  ADR has a tremendous amount of potential and at his best, he’s a solid threat for the WWE strap.  Meanwhile he’s kicking ass with the World belt and this match only strengthened ADR’s “brand.”  The eventual ADR / Sandow (MITB holder) arc should be good...if it EVER comes... I’m almost sure that I really like ADR, maybe?
7. Daniel Bryan (6) – (“Maybe you haven't been keeping up on current events, but we just got our asses kicked, pal!” - Aliens)  As you’ll read further down, HBK is certainly going to involve himself in Hell in the Cell.  You also had Bryan’s do his mandatory Divas involvement due to Brie’s beat down.  There was no reason for a Bryan / ADR match but as you can imagine it was a quality bout.  That said, things are not all rainbows for our hero.  RKO demolished him and I’ve got a feeling Hell in the Cell is going to be a miracle for him to make it out with a win.  But that’s why they play the game (or in this case, write the scripts) because you never know.  Bryan is the perfect underdog for Vince McMahon.  I expect him to win the belt at Hell in the Cell.   
8. Heyman (8) – (“I'm the man up in this piece. You'll never see the light of... who the fuck do you think you're fucking with? I'm the police, I run shit around here. You just live here. Yeah, that's right, you better walk away. Go on and walk away... 'cause I'm gonna' burn this motherfucker down. King Kong ain't got shit on me. That's right, that's right. Shit, I don't, fuck. I'm winning anyway, I'm winning... I'm winning any motherfucking way. I can't lose. Yeah, you can shoot me, but you can't kill me.” - Training Day)  I’m sure when Mario Puzo and Francis Ford Coppola were making The Godfather they envisioned that one day, a line from their movie would be the centerpiece to a promo by Paul Heyman and Brad Maddox.  ONLY Paul Heyman could use a Godfather quote so perfectly and yet so slimy that it works for the show.  It would be like a bum performing a one man show of Macbeth at the offramp of the 101 freeway while panhandling for change.  Is it necessary, NO.  Will it get me to give the bum some money, YES.  Don’t ever tell me that the WWE doesn’t know it caters to all spectrums of viewership.  What other show, within a 5 minute segment, has a man pull a sock painted like a snake pulled out of his underwear (to be use as a weapon no less) and then quotes lines from the greatest movie of all time.  What is more important than giving movie lovers an Easter egg, we learned the stipulation to Punk’s Hell in the Cell match thanks to the exchange and set up between Heyman and Maddox.  Heyman got the short end of the stick and will be fighting for his life in a Hell in the Cell match.  Even though he should have all the advantages, plus whatever dirty tricks he pulls out, isn’t it about time Punk finish this?  Or are we going to drag this out to Survivor Series?  The hubris of Heyman is what’s so incredible.  No matter how bleak things are, you always feel he’s going to find a way out of the trouble he get’s himself into.
9. Shawn HBK Michaels (N/A) – (“I see dead people.” - The Sixth Sense)  A big error from last week was made when I left HBK off the Power Rankings.  The truth is that I didn’t think much of his guest appearance at the time and didn’t think it was worth mentioning.  Of course it was inevitable that “the fan vote” would go in his direction.  It wasn’t until I talked to my friend, The Oracle of Wrestling Freddie D, that I was shown the light.  The possibilities are endless and the clues were thrown at you like a monkey lobbing his shit at the zoo.  HBK trained Daniel Bryan...  HBK is HHH’s best friends... HBK came to a show outside the state of Texas...  To set up that he’s going to be the guest ref at Hell in the Cell... Now he opens RAW this week?  Of course something is going to happen with HBK and the Hell in the Cell match.  It’s like the end of The Sixth Sense where you’re like, duh, how stupid could I be?!
10. The Big Show (14) – (“We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when add up all those inches, that's gonna make the fucking difference between winning and losing! Between living and dying! I'll tell you this, in any fight it's the guy whose willing to die whose gonna win that inch.” - Any Given Sunday)  All it took was a minute of screen time and three knockout punches for Big Show to make his presence felt.  This was the best Big Show appearance in years.  Also the shortest.  It goes to show that it’s not how much time you get but what you do with that time.  The Big Show is best in small doses and doled out slow and steady
11. Dolph Ziggler (9) – (“I'm looking forward to seeing you in action. Jack says you've got a great big cock.” - Boogie Nights) There’s no doubt that Ziggler is a star.  Unfortunately he’s be stuck with nothing to do and in limbo between tiers.  But there might be some hope yet.  On a, once proud Saturday night, show called Main Even?  On a channel called ION?  It looks like Ziggler will face Ambrose for the US belt.  Ambrose doesn’t need the strap to help his, and the Shield’s, story lines.  This could help give Ziggler some direction.  I might have to find this channel and see what becomes of this match... who are we kidding, I’ll wait until next RAW to see whose wearing the strap.  But I am excited to see these two go at it and I hope Ziggler wins.  This would be “good business.”
12. R-Truth (17) – (“We might just make it. Did that thought ever cross your brain? Well, regardless, I would rather take my chance out there on the ocean than to stay here and die on this shithole island, spending the rest of my life talking...TO A GODDAMN VOLLEYBALL!” - Cast Away)  I don’t know if R-Truth is really crazy or just plays it on TV.  I don’t know if R-Truth is actually a friend of Punk or if it’s just part of the story line of each character but in an odd way it makes sense.  While CM Punk seems to delight in being the anarchist of the WWE, R-Truth has always seemed to be a lunatic.  Lately, he seems like he’s become a dependable part of the “stable” of wrestlers (see what I did there?).  Maybe he and / or the WWE has decided that there’s potential in R-Truth to be at least a solid mid-carder.  Every second in a Beat the Clock match is inherently interesting but the 5:44 match that he had with Ryback wasn’t bad.  You knew he was going to loose but having said that, it was a good match.
13. Ryback / Curtis Axel (13/18) – (“You're fuckin' right you made a bad mistake. 'Cause if you come back here, if we catch either one of ya, we're gonna break your fuckin' heads and you won't walk out of here. You see that fuckin' saw? We're gonna use it. We don't fuck around in this place. You got it? Get outta here.” - Casino)  Tied together in two Beat the Clock matches.  This quote really should come after Hell in the Cell.  I get the feeling Punk is going to beat down one, if not all three, of these guys.  Like I said in Heyman’s rankings, it’s inevitable that it will happen now or at the next PPV.  Where all sides go after this, that’s the biggest question?  After the big show down, I’m confident that Punk and Heyman can swim, I don’t know what’s to become of either Ryback or Axel?
14. The Wyatt Family (12) – (“No, Donny, these men are nihilists. There's nothing to be afraid of.” - The Big Lebowski)  I’m a Wyatt fan.  I want them to succeed.  They need to do something more than just cut the same promo and come out at end of other people’s matches, only to do nothing.  At the moment they’re all smoke and mirrors.  It seems their next victim is going to be Miz.  While there’s nothing about this matchup that gets me excited, at least it gives both sides something to do and a direction.  It’s only the first week so I’ll let this situation breath.  Cross my fingers.  Maybe we’ll get a few good matches, lest you forget Miz was once the WWE Champion.  NO really, he was the champ for a, albeit short, period of time.
15. The Miz (N/A) – (“Never give up. Never surrender.” - Galaxy Quest)  In a classic tit-for-tat, Miz submarined RKO in Orton’s hometown.  For the first few minutes they put on a solid match until Miz was distraction by a Wyatt Family interuption.  It seems that the Bray Wyatt has chosen Miz to be his next victim (The previous victim, Kane, who needed a reason to be off TV to film Hear No Evil 2. So does that mean we’re getting a vacation for Miz to show The Marine 4?  One can only hope.)  Regardless of reason, it seems we’re headed for a Wyatt / Miz showdown.  My initial reaction is that Miz better get ready to do a lot of “jobbing” in the coming weeks.  Let’s all keep in mind, this man started his career as a cast member of The Real World.  He’s probably the most successful person to come out of that show?  At least the top three?  I’m not going to count out an alum from The Challenge.
16. Santino (HM) – (“You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders - The most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia" - but only slightly less well-known is this: "Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line"! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha...” - The Princess Bride)  Finally, a semi-serious match for the great Santino!  The Fandango gimmick might not be the most hardcore of characters but as discussed, he’s a solid in-ring performer.  Depending on how he’s used, Santino is a joke.  It just pisses me off that they’re wasting a talented wrestler that will obviously do whatever the WWE wants.  He’s always so close to greatness but always so far away...
17. Fandango (15) – (“My son's a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son.” - Heathers)  Just when Fandango thought he was going to get hot, he runs into the buzz-saw known as Santino!  Is there term for when you win the match due to the other guys bad gimmick gone wrong?  Then to waste the old distracted-by-the-valet act in the same finish, now I know they don’t know what to do with these guys.  The fans seem to love him.  Surely, Fandango is selling merch because otherwise, why would he still be taking up precious minutes on RAW?  As I say that, it must not be that packed of a show with #19 & #20 also taking up time on the show. 
18. Tons of Funk (N/A) – (“Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!” - Animal House)  The ensemble cast of Funkasaurus, Sweet-T and the Funkadactyls now travels under the nomenclature of Tons of Funk.  There are some in this world that would substitute Funk with Shit but the kid in me still likes them.  Also, once again, I’m able to change the words the song and prance around my house singing, “someone call Byrd’s momma, (my cat’s name).”  Hey, it’s no dumber than The Real Americans gimmick and sadly less offensive.  Tons of Funk is just silly at most.  If you took the kids gimmick away and had just the two wrestlers, they’d prove to be decent opponents.  Who knows where this team ends up.  I know that we’re stuck with them for a while since the ladies of this team are part of the Total Divas show.  We might as well embrace them and try to make the best of whatever they end up doing.
19. Los Matadores with El Torito (19) – (“My art... keeps me sane.” - Scanners) It’s the third week of the El Torito experience and the second week that they’ve gone against 3MB.  The only good thing I can say is at least these fools are fighting equally irrelevant fools.  I don’t know how I’m going to handle life when they’re fighting a real tag team and El Torito takes out a Shield member for the win.  Someone will have to tell my girlfriend how to clean blood off the couch when my head explodes like this guy from Scanners. 
20. 3MB (20) – (“Well, ya see, sir.  I understand you’re lookin’ for sparrin’ partners for Apollo and I jus’ want ta let ya know that I am very available.” - Rocky)  The only difference between this week and last is that it was a different pairing of 2 of the 3MB-ers, please don’t ask me to figure out who’s who.  I have much more important things to think about in life.  Like, if I have to watch more of these Los Matadores  / 3MB matches, do I kill myself by asphyxiation or bullet to the head?  At this point these guys are nothing but meat.  They’re in shape, they fit the jobber mold, they do as their told and they keep cashing checks.  I can’t stand them but you have to give them some credit.  They’ve made themselves useful.  The government might still be shutdown and many people are not working, but these guys are cashing checks.

Honorable Mentions

Komen.org – Great cause. Go donate.  If not to the Susan G. Komen charity, donate to something.  Even if it’s $20, it won’t hurt you and you’ll feel good.  Animal rescue, AIDS cure, Project Angel Food, a wildlife preservation, etc.  Find something that you care about and donate.  Check online that your donation is going to a solid non-profit and give.  You always want the Karma meter on your side.

Brad Maddox – (“He made you look ridiculous and a man in you position, Mr. Maddox, cannot afford to be made look ridiculous.” - The Godfather, with some liberties with the pronouns.)  You know what, I’m proud of Maddox.  He held his own with Heyman.  Keep cashing those check my man.  Keep cashing those checks.

AJ and the Divas – The only Diva that I care to watch wrestle or speak is AJ, so what do we get?  AJ standing ringside during a forgetable Divas match with no lines and only a last minute involvement in the match.  OK, I’ll give a fraction of credit to Snuka’s Daughter because maybe she’ll have some wrestling prowess in her.  Unfortunately she doesn’t fit the WWE Diva “mold” so like many of the potential women wrestlers, I gather the countdown has begun to her ultimately being cut.  Just give us more AJ or leave them off the show.

Side Note(s)

I must make a correction.  During the WTF rankings a few weeks ago and the subsequent rankings, I referred to the last PPV as Battlefield.  In fact the name of the PPV was Battleground.  I sincerely apologize for the mistake although no one seemed to notice or care.  I can only chalk this up to the fact that Battleground was a clusterfuck of a mess and no one cared.  If they even have this PPV next year I’ll do my best not to mess up the name.  Or maybe I just watched too many Battlefield 4 commercials and got confused.  What ever the case may be, my bad.  Not only am I too lazy to go back and fix the mistake, but the show was so bad and caused so many issues I refuse to fix it on moral principles.  If you don’t stand for anything, you stand for nothing.

Is it bad that I’d rather see a WWE2K14 match of Virtual Undertaker defending his Wrestlemania streak than half the real matches each week.  The debate on what / who should break ‘Taker’s streak is more controversial than Obamacare (and I know I’d rather see a 2 hour debate on that).

Zeb threaten to expose the truth about El Torito.  I won’t waste my time writing about the rest of this nonsense except 1) I think I might agree with Zeb about how horrible Los Matadores and El Torito are, and 2) the only thing that would be funny is if it turns out that El Torito isn’t mini bull but in fact a HUGE rat (you know like the story of the old lady who thought she bought a Chihuahua in Mexico only for it to be a giant rat).

Until next week...

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 10-07-2013

Coming at you from Pittsburgh, off the heels of the Battlefield PPV and possibly the worst RAW in quite some time the WWE and its creative staff needed to have a solid show.  Battlefield was an average PPV.  Nothing too great except a great win by the Rhodes Family over The Shield.  As many predicted, Daniel Bryan didn’t win the WWE strap but even worse, no one did.  The Big Show intervened and decided to grow some balls after knocking out Daniel Bryan on orders of the WWE brass, with his newly grown balls he proceeded to knock out RKO leaving both men down in the ring.  The PPV ended with no resolution, which sucks because 1) the PPV is where resolutions are supposed to happen and 2) when one is paying $40-50 for a PPV you don’t want to see the last match end without a winner of some kind.  Bryan and RKO put on a solid match until the ending.  Let’s hope this week’s RAW can refocus the company and put us back on track.   So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 10/07/2013...

Keep in mind that last week’s WTF rankings was in a worst-to-first order so keep that in mind when you see current rankings vs (previous week’s rankings)...

1. The Shield (19) – These guys are on such a roll.  Sure they might have had so losses of late but that hasn’t diminished what they’re doing.  This isn’t a real sport where wins and losses count for anything.  It’s the performances and no group has been better than the The Shield.  The biggest problem that I have with The Shield is that there is not enough of them to go around.  THAT’S A GOOD THING.  I want them to fight the Rhodes, the Wyatts, the Usos, the Primetime Players, etc.  They’re doing it all and right now they could go against group and I’m watching.  Excellent job.  My only complaint is how they’ve seem to loose 2 or 3 tag matches in a row but haven’t lost the belts.  Somehow, they need to loose the tag belts so they can feud with some of the other groups.  It’s odd but the various straps are keeping The Shield from feuding with certain opponents because every now and then they have to “defend” the belts in some match.  Ambrose’s strap doesn’t hold as big of a problem story-wise but at least give up the tag championship.  This way The Shield is freed up to go in other directions and the new tag champs can feud with the other underused tag teams.
2. Randy Orton (15) – He put on a solid match with Daniel Bryan and an equally good match with Kofi.  I can’t blame him for the storytelling that is going on around him.  He’s doing great with what he’s being asked to do.  While I don’t agree with how this Championship abeyance is being handled, it certainly isn’t RKO’s fault or decision.  To turn the tables on Daniel Bryan by hiding in the crowd 
3. HHH and Stephanie (11) – Stephanie McMahon is a revelation.  She’s the wind that makes RAW soar.  As much as I’ve praised HHH these past few months, Stephanie has been even better.  Tonight, she was able to do what no other wrestler has been able to do in years, put The Big Show over.  She’s even able to breath evil life into Brad Maddox.  She’s like Saruman growing evil Uruk-hai (bigger and badder Orcs) out of the lesser characters.  This is what makes last week’s WTF issues so astonishing.  There isn’t a companywide incompetence.  There’s some really good writing, storytelling and wrestling going on.  Why, or better yet, How did the creative crew lay so many and so big of eggs last week?
4. The Rhodes family (16) – They put on a great match at Battlefield.  They’ve been killing it for the past month since Cody “got fired” and their mini-feud with The Shield has been great.  I’ve always wanted to see Cody feud with Goldust but seeing them team up with their dad in the corner has been almost as good.  
5. Daniel Bryan (6) – When you’ve been trained by the best there ever was, HBK, you’ve got a leg up on the competition.  Bryan and Orton had a good match going until the ending of Battlefield.  Just as with RKO, I’m not going to hold the ending against him.  He teamed up with the Rhodes brothers to fight The Shield in the main event for the evening.  He initially ambushed RKO earlier in RAW, only to be given the ol’ switch-a-roo and got got by RKO almost instantly after HHH made the match a “no DQ” match.  You don’t have to love Bryan or RKO (but from the crowds you’d believe at least Bryan is the next best thing since sliced bread) but you have to respect that they’ve done a great job at keeping the tension high.  I hope there is some resolution coming at Hell in a Cell because with Cena coming back, you know he’ll somehow get involved with the WWE strap.  I could see Bryan coming out with the belt and making Cena the chaser but logic would tell you that the “evil” RKO wins the belt and the “good” Cena wins the belt back.  If that’s the case, what is Bryan’s place at the top of the WWE food chain?  When Punk fell off the top spot, luckily he had Heyman to feud with.  I don’t know where Bryan goes if he’s not mixed in with RKO, HHH and Cena?  Maybe a run with / against Punk?  Let’s hope we don’t have to find out too soon.  At this point, I’m down with Bryan as champ and let the RKO’s and Cena’s fight amongst themselves to see who faces him.
6. CM Punk (20) – Battlefield saw Punk get a small amount of revenge against Heyman by winning his match against Ryback but you have to feel Punk’s redemption and resolution is far from complete.  As Punk’s battle with Heyman continued, a crazy fight broke out.  What did Punk do?  Well, he brought a lunatic to an insanity fight.  Who better to have as your partner when facing an absurd premise (that Punk is the dirty player vs Heyman’s tactics / history) and insane opponents Ryback (and his stance against bullying, when he’s the biggest bully) and Curtis Axel (and his stance against having any personality and / or charisma)?  You bring R-Truth.  I don’t know where this is going but hell, I bought a ticket so let’s see what happens.  Extra props to Punk for his drop toe-hold into a leg snap of Axel.  I’ve never seen that string of moves get put together and done so cleanly and effortlessly.  This coming off a fight with Ryback the night before.  You couldn’t ask for two totally different type of matches and techniques.  Bill Simmons recently compared Punk to HBK, as someone who can put on a great match with anyone.  I originally disagreed, contending that Ziggler was a better example, but seeing who Punk has wrestled in the past 24 months and the different styles, I may have to agree and give Punk the slight edge on in ring abilities.  I just wish Punk had a better finisher than the GTS.  That move is very limited for use on the bigger wrestlers.  If I could adjust one thing to Punk’s arsenal, it would be to give him a better finisher than the GTS.
7. Heyman (8) – Back to the scheming and conniving manager, putting aside the same-sex marriage story just for a minute but unfortunately I doubt forever, Heyman is doing what he does best.  Even in defeat at Battlefield, he’s able to rally his troops (Or legal civil union partners?  Maybe I’m underestimating Heyman and the WWE, they’re not only for same-sex marriage but polygamy as well.  Again, what better face(s) than Heyman, Ryback and Axel? - dripping with sarcasm just to be clear).
8. Alberto Del Rio (17) – If there is one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s not to mess with Latin women and their emotions.  You’d think ADR would have already known this.  Maybe the average white chick would have fallen for his Rico Suave move but Vickie Guerrero has been around the block, a few dozen times.  Vickie was able to hand ADR a quick defeat by announcing John Cena’s return in a match against ADR at Hell in a Cell.  I’m just as surprised at ADR, probably for different reasons, but I would have sworn that Cena would be thrown into the WWE Championship.  Cena mixed up for the world belt is just going to muddy the already cloudy second tier group.  I can’t imagine Cena loosing to ADR but then I can’t imagine Cena with the World belt? 
9. Dolph Ziggler (14) – Ziggler VS Sandow is fantastically underrated.  Both are superb wrestlers and put on great matches.  The problem is that neither of them are going anywhere with these matches.  Ziggler isn’t going to win the MITB case so what are they fighting about.  If Ziggler loses, it just adds to his total underuse of his tremendous talents (unless they’re building Sandow’s threat as a wrestler) and if he wins, what does he gain?  There’s no brass ring in sight for Ziggler’s character at the moment.  
10. Damien Sandow (N/A) – See Ziggler... At least Sandow has the MITB case and we know where he’s going but the problem is that he’s not going there.  Sandow is going to eventually fight for the World Championship, which is currently being held by ADR.  ADR is set to fight Cena at Hell in a Cell.  Yet again, I don’t see how Sandow is getting any closer to either ADR or the World strap?  
11. Kofi Kingston (18) – Another man who put on a solid match both on RAW and the PPV last night.  There’s this second tier of wrestlers that have bottlenecked at the World Champion level.  Kofi, ADR, Sandow, RVD, Ziggler, are all guys that with the right push could be in line for a WWE Championship run.  All of them can wrestle and most of them are good to great on the mic.  Kofi’s mic skills have never been displayed or tested.  There’s no doubt he’s got what it takes in the ring.
12. The Wyatt Family (5) – I’ve been accused of ranking the Wyatts too high.  They rarely wrestle and at this point they seem to just turn out the same promo after promo without having a direction.  Battlefield changed some of that because Bray Wyatt had a solid match against Kofi Kingston.  I have no idea where that match is going to lead between the two, most likely nowhere but it was good.  Not to mention a nice, but creepy, new move that Bray did by crawling upside down.  It was very Exorcist-like and even more impressive, that a man the size of Bray Wyatt could pull it off.  They’ve got the gimmick and the talent to be something special, they just need the right angle.  The right angle is a feud against The Shield.  I don’t know how this is going to happen, like Sandow and ADR, both sides are so far away from each other on the field that I don’t know how they’re going to get together but somehow, someway the Wyatts need to fight The Shield.
13. Ryback (9) – I have my doubts on what this guy is doing or capable of.  Is he the next Goldberg?  Is he the next Kane?  A monster that needs the right angle or just a tool the WWE can use with other characters?  Or does he have potential to be a superstar?  This is one of the biggest questions I have with the WWE right now.  The bad news is that my head tells me he’s got a 33% chance of being a good superstar.  The good news is my heart and gut tell me he’s got a 66% chance to achieving superstar status.  I see glimpses of talent in and out of the ring.  It won’t be easy.  He’s not a natural like Punk, Cena, HHH or any of the true superstars but that doesn’t mean he can’t be very good given good writing and usage.  I’m on the fence but I’m willing to bend easily one way or the other.  I just need a good, push just like Ryback needs.
14. The Big Show (4) – I finally realized the problem with Big Show, he’s Ferdinand the Bull.  He’s the gentle giant.  He’ll do whatever he’s asked to do.  He’s a pro’s pro and I give him a lot of credit but he just doesn’t have it in him to be a heel.  At least not on his own.  He’s an interesting study and I could dissect him for hours but he’s best served with a belt and someone else doing the talking.  Next to that, Stephanie did a great job of getting the most out of this bit they’re doing.  I’m not going to give a great deal of credit to a wrestler that’s akin to being an instrument and it depends on who is playing him at the time to whether he squawks and squeaks or is the centerpiece to an orchestra.  None of the ending of RAW made any sense (not that this has to be as tight as a Breaking Bad script) but if Big Show is fired, then what jurisdiction does HHH have over him?  In turn, next week, how does Big Show come back?  If he’s fired, then he’s simply banned from the building.  Does he pull off the old “buy your own ticket” routine or maybe he comes back as valet to Daniel Bryan?
15. Fandango (HM) – Like Ryder, he’s all in when it comes to his gimmick.  For good or bad, that’s what you have to do to be a success.  What I’m continually impressed with is his in ring abilities.  Every time I see ‘Dango and Summer Rae, I cringe at the dancing and the gimmick but then he gets into the ring and he’s good.  His match with Ryder was short and that’s the way it should be for now.  Let’s give credit to where credit is due, ‘Dango skies off the top rope with that leg drop.
16. Zack Ryder (12) – This was the type of match and opponent that Ryder should have been involved with last week.  Both of these fools give 100% to their ridiculous gimmicks.  He was only give a few minutes of a match but that’s more than he’s gotten in a while and you’ve got to start somewhere. 
17. R-Truth (HM) – I rarely have said, thank god for R-Truth showing up.  The Old Dirty Bastard of the WWE came to CM Punk’s aid against Heyman, Ryback and Axel.  It turns out that Truth and Axel have a feud going, which no one but them knew about.  Congrats to both you guys.  Normally I’d give the Champ the higher ranking but Axel is so dull, R-Truth’s brand of crazy gives him the edge.
18. Curtis Axel (3) – I was worried that Axel had degraded the value of the IC belt so much that he would have no one to wrestle against or any possible direction, thanks to R-Truth he now has both.  The good thing about R-Truth is that he’s been buried so far down that this actually seems like a good thing for both Axel and Truth.  No matter who wins, it will elevate, even slightly, each character’s stock.  If they are able to put on a good match, well you might even have a reason to put one or both of them against some of the higher mid-tier wrestlers.
19. Los Matadores (1) – This was a tough one.  Divas match, 3MB or El Torito con Matadores?  These knuckleheads at least have some tag moves and if I over look their horrible gimmick they’re the better wrestlers.  To think, there are some really talented and unused wrestlers that would benefit from any kind of push, just sitting in the back while these last three groups are given a good chunk of time, it must drive them crazy.
20. 3MB (2) – Why, oh why are we being punished with these fools.  At least they were able to free the 3rd MB-er from his Human Centipede jail cell (which is the only thing worse than being in 3MB).  This just proves how bad Los Matadores are if the only way to get them over is to drag out 3MB to loose to two jerkoffs and a midget bull.  I will give these three credit.  In this horrible economy and a world with government shutdowns, these three have kept their employment and beyond everyone’s imagination continue to work for the WWE.  I’m sure there are a lot of people over in TNA that wish they could say the same thing.

Honorable Mentions

Komen.org – It’s still Cancer awareness month and everyone should go to the website and donate to a good cause.  

Bruno Sammartino – Happy 78th Birthday to a great Legend of wrestling.  Of course times are different now and his seven year reign as champion will never be duplicated.  He looks to be in far better shape than most of the wrestlers that came a generation or two after him.  We can never know for sure but I’m guessing he missed the trend of steroids and unknown chemicals wrestlers were self administering from the 70‘s, 80’s and 90’s and looks far better for it. 

Brad Maddox – I’m sure when he was rising through the ranks of the wrestling ladder, he never imagined that he’d be the whipping boy of RAW but life doesn’t always turn out the way we planned.  In fact, it rarely does.  What he does have going for him is that he’s got a prominent job on RAW, is being seen every week and doesn’t have to take the bumps the average wrestler takes.  I’d say he’s doing well for himself.  Now does he last like Vickie Guerrero (who knows where the bodies are hidden) or is he the next John Laurinaitis who is no longer seen or is a factor on WWE television.

Bob Backlund – This is how I imagine John Boehner acting during GOP meetings these days.  If only Boehner had the cross-face-chicken-wing, we might not have a government shutdown.  

Divas Match – This was horrible.  At the last PPV we got a solid match between AJ and Brie Bella.  There’s only one Diva that I’m interested in and that’s AJ, so what do we get?  A six-diva tag match without AJ, oh joy :(  Not only did I not care about this match, it was awful.  I was only hoping that Brad Maddox came out to apologize to us for wasting our time with such a crap match.  As the old saying goes, you can hope in one hand and crap in the other; let’s see which fills up first.

Santino, Khali, Hornswaggle VS Swagger / Cesaro / Zeb – This is the third match in a row that I’ve been subjected to (last week’s RAW, Battlefield and this week’s RAW).  When will this madness end?  I’m sure Zeb and his fellow Tea Partiers are Pro-Life but this feud needs to be aborted.  Is there a demographic that this feud doesn’t offend?

Side Note(s)

Look, WWE, we know how to install apps.  The problem is your apps suck!  Not once has the WWE official app worked for me on any of my devices when they’re supposed.  Each app is a piece of shit and / or useless.  Fix the WWE app itself and you let us worry about getting it installed.  

Until next week...

2013 MLB playoff hopes. Who do you think I'm rooting for?

Just hours before the MLB playoffs begin, I don’t count the play-in games as being the official start of the playoffs, the final eight teams are locked in and I have no idea who will win the World Series.

Of course my money is on the Dodgers.  The “people in the desert” agree and have made the Dodgers the favorites.  Who am I to tell them they’re wrong.  The problem is that unlike most other sports, in baseball, momentum is the next day’s pitcher.  Also, baseball is probably the most emotional of all the major sports.  Year after year, we see that it’s not talent that wins the World Series (don’t be confused, all these players are talented) but rather who gets hot and what team comes together.  I don’t have to look far for an example.  The last time the Dodgers won the World Series was 1988 and that team might be the least talented team to be champions.  Even more surprising than the ’88 Dodgers winning the World Series is that they made the playoffs.  This all goes to prove the point that with timely hitting and great pitching any team has a chance to win.  Somehow (I believe somehow is loosely translated to Orel Hershiser) the Dodgers made the playoffs at a time when only 4 teams made the playoffs.  Then they advanced to play the World Series where the mighty Oakland A’s awaited them.  These were the Bash Brother A’s who not only had juiced up hitting and out of the lab athletes, but they had pitchers too.  They had Dave Stewart and the best closer in the league, Dennis Eckersley.  The Dodgers were given no chance to win but with his only plate appearance of the series and one swing of the bat, Kirk Gibson literally swung the momentum of the series in game 1 and the Dodgers went on to win in five games.

This year’s team almost feels just at “touched” by the baseball gods as 1988.  We started off horribly.  Almost everyone offensive weapon was injured at some point this season.  Mattingly seemed like was headed for the unemployment line and the team that had the highest payroll looked as if it was going in last place this year.  But Puig came up, Henley came back, the pitching never fell off (even when Greinke was out for 6 weeks, the staff stayed solid) and the team came together to put on one of the biggest comebacks in baseball regular season history.  

It was once a concern that the Dodgers were going to have too many outfielders, once Kemp came back from an injury plagued season.  As it turns out, Kemp is out of the entire playoffs and now Either (the expendable outfielder) is hurt too.  How does that lead to any post season hopes, well...the Dodgers are the only team in the playoffs that have two Cy Young pitchers, in their prime, that can totally shut opposing teams down.  Add in an above average bullpen and solid #3 and 4 starter, the Dodgers might not need to score many runs.  Having said that, even without Kemp and Ethier, the Dodgers still have a very potent top of the lineup.  Playoff baseball isn’t won with blowouts.  Most games are down to the wire.  2-1, 4-3, 3-1, these are the scores that you’ll usually see.  Certainly, Puig / Ramirez / Gonzalez / Crawford can get you a few runs.  Give me 2 runs and Kershaw pitching, and I’ll take my chances.

In just a few minutes, the 2013 playoffs will begin.  The real reason that everyone is excited for this Dodgers / Braves series is because the Braves have elected themselves as the keeper of the “unwritten rule book” of baseball.  Brian McCann (the braves catcher) guards home plate and only allows the deserving to cross like some half-assed bouncer at a cheap Atlanta strip club.  And guess who’s coming to town?  The league champion of bat-flipping and hot-doggin’,  Yasiel Puig.  Only, McCann might think twice to stand in the way of Puig.  For the most part McCann has taken on rookie pitchers and the whose who of the waiver wire.  The Dodgers and Puig are no strangers to fights this year.  Starting with the aforementioned Greinke injury due to a confrontation between Greinke and the Padres.  Then the Dodgers and the Arizona Diamondbacks got into fights throughout the season, resulting in the Dodgers may or may-not have urinating in the D’backs’ outfield pool when they clinched a playoff spot.  With any luck, the Dodgers will be dropping deuces in the Atlanta outfield because that will mean we’re on our way to the NLCS.

I think this is the first time I’ve ever cheered for a team to physically relieve themselves on the field of play.  But hey, whatever gets us to the World Series...

Let’s go Dodgers!!!

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 9-30-2013

Coming at you from Biloxi (as in Mississippi but it should have been Blues), if I just wrote WTF 3,000 times and was finished with tonights posting, it would be justified.  

WARNING: Earmuffs to all those who don’t want to hear a grown man explode about a fake sporting event.

I was looking forward to waxing poetically about how a small town crowd reminded me of the old days of wrestling where territories ruled and it wasn’t about big Federations trying to sell PPVs and the promoters and performers knew how to tell a story which played to the intimate audience right there.  In turn the crowds would go crazy for hometown heroes and there were really strong heel and face characterizations, which for good and bad have gone away in the globalized WWE...

That idea was shot in the head about 5 minutes into the show.  This one was BAD!

OK, WWE, you want to fuck with me?  You want to make a mockery of my newly minted and highly entertaining Power Rankings, fine!  Fuck with me? NO, I fuck with you!  Two can play at this game... 

I should have known this was going to be an epic show.  You know things are bad when there’s a Pre-List to the Power Ranking list.  Here’s a list of clues that should have set off code-red alerts to how bad this show was going to be.

1. They never showed the city that they were in at the beginning of the show.
2. The first three minutes of the show, was a clip package from last week’s show.
3. Clearly everyone was either watching (or was intimidated by) the Breaking Bad finale last night and couldn’t put together a solid show tonight.  Tonight’s RAW just tastes of distraction.
4. Everything was now centered around the Battleground PPV, which before tonight I had no idea was even on this Sunday (which is the problem that occurs when you have needless PPVs on just because you want to sell a PPV every 3 weeks).
5. The free, pre-show match at Battlefield was announced to be Ziggler VS Sandow, which should be either the first match of the PPV or one of the main events.  WTF?!?!
6. None of the matches made sense (but I don’t fault the wrestlers, the matches were actually pretty good, wrestling-wise). 
7. I believe in the bible the first sign of the apocalypse is frogs raining down (or was that just the movie Magnolia?) but tonight it was; how come Heyman wasn’t there for his feud with Punk the RAW before a PPV?  Was this because he wouldn’t travel outside a major city?  Would going to Biloxi would be beneath him?  No because sadly I remember ECW being at some of this country’s finest Bingo Halls and Elk Lodges, so a crappy arena shouldn’t keep him away.  Instead of continuing the great Punk / Heyman promos, we get...wait for it...the excitement is building...Brad Maddox.  Silence.  Actual Silence from the crowd.  It was just poor writing and worse execution.  If you thought Brad Maddox silent but deadly entrance was going to be the worse thing about RAW?  Oh how wrong you would be.
8. Secondly, I thought, maybe HHH, Stephanie and the writing staff had the week off and didn’t attend this show.  You know, “while the cat’s away the mice will” play sort of thing.  That’s not the case because they were in the arena to be apart of the Rhodes family story line.

This was all BULLSHIT, literally...

So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 9/30/2013...

1. Los Matadores (N/A) – WTF!?!?  Ok, I’ve waited (and been excited) for Los Matadores for weeks now.  I was all fine with this being a rebranding of two wrestlers.  I was even expecting a little comedy to be inserted with the gimmick.  But a fucking midget Lucha Libre wrestler dressed as a bull is not only their valet but the “third” member!  The WWE wants me to feel foolish about being excited for one of their new gimmicks?  They think they can Gobbledy Gooker me?  Well, here you go WWE.  Number 1 with a bullet, Los Matadores!  Thank you ladies and gentlemen, it’s going to be a long night.  Hide your children because we’re about to get a little weird in here. 
2. 3MB (N/A) – You know it’s a bad sign when you can only get 2 of the 3MB’s. Of the incomparable 3MB, only the fake-Hindu and the faux-Rocker were the only two that could make it?  What, was the other one too busy sucking dick to show up?
3. Curtis Axel (17b) – Why not put Axel in the top 10?  We’re getting crazy tonight.  He’s the spawn of Mr. Perfect and in a few years he could be a true superstar but as of now, he’s outclassed and overmatched.  His reign as IC champ is being wasted and in turn hurting the value of the IC strap.  It’s no surprise that his longest match is on the biggest WTF show of the year.  Then to fall for the old “enemy music distraction” only cements his mediocre standing.
4. The Big Show (18) – You know it’s bad when in the WTF episode of RAW, you’re the worst “actor” of the night and half your promo is a clip from SmackDown.  I long for the blithering and blathering crying days of Big Show.  Whatever this was, this over the top anger / rage emotional explosion, I can live without.  But since this is “opposite day,” congrats Big Show, you’re in the top 10.  “He knows not what he does,” was a great line by Stephanie...No, must fight...compliments...not...yet...
5. The Wyatt Family (8) – My friend Fred gave me crap about having the Wyatts so high up the last two weeks when they really haven’t had a defined feud / opponent or a clear direction to what they’re supposed to be doing.  After seeing the light, I was prepared to drop them down to their proper ranking (which should be around 13 - 17).  It’s no secret that I love The Wyatts but seriously, WTF is going on this week?  When Bray Wyatt rambles on it can be very hit or miss and this week I am totally confused.  Maybe this played right into the minds of the local Mississippi crowd, but I sure as hell couldn’t follow what was going on.  It seems to me that Bray has been speaking to Sister Abigail too much this week and to speak with her he must ingest large quantities of Molly or HGB because he was trippin’.  I long for the days when I would get that high.  The difference is, I’d be trippin’ balls in the safety of my house, not in front of a live crowd and TV audience.  To make matters worse, after the Family comes out and Bray drones on, the only saving grace was a potential interaction with Kofi (who was still out there from his previous match) but NOTHING came of it.  They went to commercial and when they came back we were on to the next thing.  If you only care about what score you get and not the reasons behind it, congrats Wyatts, you’ve gotten your highest ranking but if this was a real week, you’d be in the bottom quarter.
6. Daniel Bryan (6) – And if you thought that Bryan was safe in this WTF episode, you’d be very wrong.  Where do I start?  So when we last left Total Divas, there was some sort of hint that Daniel and his (what I thought was already his fiancé) girlfriend Brie Bella were possibly going through a rough patch in their relationship, or as the promo for the new season would have us believe.  Now they’re officially engaged.  How lucky are we all that thanks to Total Divas, we will have a video documentary of their whole engagement and soon to be wedding.  Let me guess, theres some overreaction to Bryan’s new status as a main event guy and Brie feels left out.  There is some fake tension that she’ll have to break up with him, you know for him realizing his life long dream which she’s known about for years, only to be duped and he proposes to her to solidify their relationship.  They go off and live happily ever after.  I. Can’t. Wait.  The feelings of anticipation that I have for the new episodes of Total Divas are similar to the feeling I have each day waiting for the IRS to levy my bank account for taxes I owe the government.  Then to add insult to injury, Bryan has to go out and get his ass handed to him, which of course results in Brie coming out and being so heart broken.  We’re constantly talking about the blurred lines of late in the WWE, between reality and fiction.  So this may have worked with say Miz and his mother the other week, but not when both parties are in on the whole work of the business and are involved with the behind the scenes show.  WTF?!?!
7. Two Divas (N/A) – So instead of getting more AJ, either on the mic or wrestling, we are treated with a Brie Bella and Alicia Fox match.  Yes, why give us more of a good thing.
8. Heyman (4) – I can only imagine him saying, “I came to butt-fuck Mississippi to do this?  What a waste of time.”  I’ll give him this, he sold it with all his heart.  Which leads us to...
9. Ryback (17a) – While we’re on a run of fake and absurd relationships, let’s add another. You know how I’ve been joking about all the gay undertones going on between Ryback and Heyman, well I guess they weren’t just undertones.  The WWE is really going for it.  NO one is a bigger support of same sex marriage than I am (well, except for the gay people I suppose).  WTF are Heyman and Ryback doing?  I don’t know for sure but I’ll guess Mississippi is not a hotbed for gay rights.  Even though Ryback and Heyman put on a tender moment (?) this was not the city for this to go down.  The crowd was dead and was more in silent shock.  I wish they would have done this in New York or California or one of the states that just passed marriage equality rights because then I think the crowd would have been insane throughout the performance.  Exhibit A is the guy behind them in the white hat and black RVD shirt, screaming and gesturing NO, NO, NO through this whole commitment speech.  I don’t know who the WWE wants to be the “Face” of their brand, but I doubt that the LBGT wants these to be the faces of their movement.
   
   
10. AC / Zeb / The All-American American VS The Clown Patrol (Santino / Hornswaggle / Khali) (?) – Ohhh how the mighty has fallen.  I’m sorry my sweet Santino.  I was hoping that Santino wouldn’t be apart of WTF because he would have been off this list (in a week that being off the list is a good thing).  No, the WWE had one last embarrassment bullet for WTF night.  Let’s team Santino up with the midget and the giant.  Any hopes that Santino would make a true run at a title have now been spun away by AC’s swinging toss.  A move that’s so old, it gave The King flashbacks to when he wrestled with Andy Kaufman.  The next thing really got me to say, “WTF?”  Out of all the shows and places of late, why would Zeb consider Mississippi a “3rd world or foreign country?”  Maybe my demographics are off, but I’d think Zeb and his Tea Party gimmick would be a hero to many in Mississippi.  Maybe he’s trying to keep up with Rep. Ted Cruz as most hated political person by both sides of the isle.  Burn all bridges because any heat is good heat.
11. HHH with Stephanie aka The Authority (5) – If crapping on my monday wasn’t bad enough.  If embarrassing komen.org with such a clusterfuck of a show (tell me why El Torito couldn’t have had pink ribbons dangling from it’s horns, you know, to really just take it to the next level) wasn’t already an embarrassment.  Now HHH and Stephanie has to besmirch one of the best comic books, The Authority, by taking it’s name and thrusting it upon us as their new moniker.  I’m really starting to feel like tonight’s show was specifically made to piss me off.  Is this the Truman Show?  Am I trapped in a dome and a billion people are watching me go insane for their amusement?  If so, HELP!  Get me out of here!  Stop reading this now and go get me help!  (I don’t care how great the two of them are right now, I’m not giving them any credit tonight because even if THEIR parts were good, they’re responsible for tonight’s clusterfuck show.)  
12. Zack Rider (N/A) – Yes, let’s unleash every wrestler that has had nothing to do in months.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t realize that WWE wasn’t just contributing to charities like komen.org but also to charities such as the Zack Rider-hasn’t-had-a-match foundation.  The worst part is that Rider is another good wrestler.  I feel bad that his only screen time was on WTF RAW.
13. Big E Langston (N/A) – Welcome to the Power Rankings.  Big E has spent many months as an enforcer for Ziggler and maybe / maybe not love interest of AJ.  I’ve always hated the cut on his unitard, wait, I said that wrong; I’ve always thought that Big E has had great potential.  I’ll even give Big E a small benefit of the doubt due to his time with Ziggler.  Look at what AJ learned and became after time spent with him.  If Big E becomes something, we’ll have to start a “degrees from Ziggler” theory.
14. Dolph Ziggler and The Usos (11/16) – In a night that was doomed from the beginning, the only match I knew would cheer me up was the Ziggler / Usos VS The Shield match.  They did not let me down.  This was by far the best match of the night.  
15. Randy Orton (7) – Maybe the only sincere shining light on this show.  RKO’s “mean streak” continues resulting in a vicious beating of Daniel Bryan.  The whole wedding date thing was a bit awkward because we all know RKO just went through a nasty off camera divorce and the Bellas can’t act their way out of a box of Cracker Jacks.
16. Cody, Goldust and Dusty Rhodes (2) – Just to see the “real” Rhodes Family and McMahon Family out there together was great.  I’m super hyped for the Cody / Goldust VS Reigns / Rollins tag team match at Battlefield.  Once the PPV is over and we can move to the next step of the feud, I’ll have more to say.  I just want to see this match.  It should be awesome.
17. Alberto Del Rio (12) – He’s the World Champ and put on a good match.  As far as I’m concerned, he got out without any collateral damage to himself, his storyline and persona.  Good job by you, ADR.  I’m surprised they didn’t have some incredibly racists or financial-class based heel rant (probably because of the very real governmental shutdown looming later in the night, which I’m sure the McMahon’s know about all too well).  The writers must have had their plates full with the rest the WTF moments that they couldn’t fit any of that in.  Count your blessings.  
18. Kofi Kingston (14) – God, Kofi is a great wrestler.  He and Fandango put on a very good, albeit short match.  In the WTF week of Power Rankings, it’s better to be on the bottom of this list than at the top.  Congrats Kofi.  Keep it up and I hope they give you a good direction after the PPV.
19. The Shield (1) – Again, in the WTF show, this is good.  They are just awesome.  I’ve ranted enough tonight, let’s just enjoy a group that’s hit it’s stride.  I’m thrilled every time they come out and every match of theirs has been good.  Every time I predict The Shield will loose the straps, I’m proven wrong.  With the stakes the way they are for the Rhodes family, I can’t see them keeping their belts at Battlefield.
20. CM Punk (3) – When you open the show, you’re either the Owner, the Main man or chopped liver that will soon get their ass handed to them.  Then again, usually you’re appearing on RAW not WTF.  So all rationale and reasons go out the window.  Punk’s promo was a shell of what it usually is.  His match with Big E was fine.  I think we can all agree that we owe Punk a special thanks for stopping the Ryback / Heyman engagement party.  We’ll just have to wait for their announcement in the cultural section of the NY Times to get the details on their wedding.  Thank you Punk.  

Honorable Mentions

Brad Maddox – As the general manager of RAW, I’ve got to say...he hasn’t been that bad.  Maddox takes his bumps and put-downs but all-in-all he’s been serviceable.

Fandango – Sorry buddy, but be grateful you’re not on the list this week.  Out of anyone, if you’d have told me that there would be a WTF episode of RAW, I would have assumed Fandango had a prominent part to play in the WTF-ness.  Fandango put on a good match.  Let’s leave it at that.

R-Truth – At this point, I’m in a daze.  He was on the show.  What more do you want from me.  

Breast Cancer – Really, this how the WWE wants to recognize and support ANY cancer awareness?  Susan G Komen’s cancer riddled corpse must be spinning in her grave.  I think it’s a great thing that athletes (real and fake) and teams promote awareness in October (and throughout the year) by wearing and using pink on everything.  It’s a great campaign and I know it generates a ton of money.  You know what generates more money and awareness?  A winning product.  If you could choose, what do you think would be seen by more people; 1) the Jacksonville Jaguars clothed from head to toe in pink and crapping out pink shits on the field or 2) the New England Patriots having one tastefully drawn line of pink on their helmets?  I’m betting the Patriots because they have the most eyes on them due to them being a superior product?  If this first show of Cancer Awareness Month is any indication of how the next four shows are going to go, I think cancer has already won.   

Side Note(s) –

Let’s be honest with each other.  I’ve had the good luck of some really great shows for most of these Power Rankings so far.  Unfortunately, tonight, I’ve had to try to turn chicken shit in to chicken soup.  All I can say about this week's show is WTF?!?!  It totally threw me off.  I’m sure I’ll pull it together next week, just like I expect RAW to do as well. 

The WWE does not do grace and sedulity well.  That’s why I like that they have not referred to Darren Young coming out as gay.  I don’t care that he’s gay.  This is all just theater, so if the story line says he’s to fall in love with a girl, it will be no more-or-less meaningful than Mark Henry impregnating Mae Young and her giving birth (at 90+ years old) to a rubber hand.  Yes, you read that right.  A rubber hand and a 90+ year old giving birth.  So it’s no surprise to me that, to milk every drop of attention, the WWE plants breast cancer survivors front row.  Just as with the numerous times that a celebrity or military member seems to show up and have front row seats for one match, this one seemed wrong.  For one, I’d bet everything that I have that these brave and strong ladies are not wrestling fans nor have any idea of what’s going on.  I also don’t believe those were their seats and as soon as the shot was over, the rightful holders of those seats came back.  The WWE couldn’t have stuck these women in a “box” or brought them out on stage for the two-second acknowledgment of their triumphs and to receive their appreciatory applause?  I’m not against these women getting the spotlight.  I’m against the bothering of paying customers for the WWE’s self indulgence and patting themselves on the back when that too is fake.  The NFL has cancer survivors and pats themselves on the back too but it’s either at the beginning of a game on the field or they’re given seats throughout the game.  You don’t see these women on the sidelines calling plays and dodging players running out of bounds.  The WWE can never make a social or political statement without it becoming part of the theater of the absurd (which is what the WWE is and they’re great at it).  Just announce the partnership with komen.org, have the pink tie-ins and the one commercial, but leave it alone.

Until next week...

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 9-30-2013 - under construction...

WTF...

Words cannot describe what went on with RAW this week.  Unfortunately I've taken it upon myself to provide words to rank these WWE shows.

This edition of RAW was so unbelievable that I just don't have the strength to finish tonight.

I'm sorry for the delay but I'll finish this up on Tuesday.  My brain is still trying to compute what I have seen.