WWE Power Rankings, RAW 1/20/2014

Coming at you from Dayton, and with just six days from The Royal Rumble, I couldn’t be more excited.  The Rumble has to be my favorite show of the year.  Obviously WrestleMania is a spectacle and usually has the most star power and is when all the various story lines culminate but the Rumble is the most fun and incorporates so many things.  You usually have a solid championship match, which we have in Cena vs RKO for the umpteenth time, one or two solid mid-card matches, a Divas match and then the best single event of the year…the Rumble match itself!  A good Rumble match will incorporate a few current story lines (mostly involving partnerships breaking up and/or coming together), a breakout star that will get the big push, a wrestler who will do something memorable in regards to not getting eliminated, a wrestler who will last the longest, a wrestler who will take out the most opponents, a surprise wrestler that is making their return from injury or is newly signed, an old school wrestler who’s making a small return run (i.e. Kevin Nash a few years ago), to see who the final four are is always interesting, even the order to which the wrestlers come out is fun to watch and of course the winner (who’ll go on to be in the championship match at WM30).  The Road to WrestleMania will have officially started!  Whew!!  And you wonder why I get so excited?  Lastly, the best part of the Rumble is that IT’S THE ONE TIME A YEAR YOU CAN GAMBLE ON WRESTLING!!!  See the “side notes” for a basic RR pool that my crew uses.  Later this week, I’m doing a special “Dream Rumble” lineup.  If you’d like to throw your suggestions at me, tweet them @wkbear.  It’s also ingenious by the WWE to put RR on the dead Sunday between the NFL championship games and the Superbowl (free gambling winner: take Denver and the Over).  Sports and entertainment don’t get much better than this.  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 1/20/2014…

On the plus side, this “go home show” did a much better job of setting up the PPV than previous ones have done.  The negative, compared to such a fantastic RAW last week this one was a bit lacking on story and was sort of a let down but again, there was a lot of hype for Sunday’s big PPV.

Lastly, before we get to the rankings, and maybe this should be in the Side Notes section but it’s too important to not be noted, it will be extremely interesting to see who participates in the Royal Rumble match this year.  This is probably the thinest the WWE roster has ever been.  Frankly, some weeks it’s hard to come up with a top 20 performers.  Out of the WWE’s regular 20-25 regular performers, 2 to 6 of them are not planned to be in the Rumble (RKO, Cena, Bryan, Bray Wyatt, etc.).  Even with the occasional returning and new wrestlers, it’s going to be hard to fill up 30 slots.  With the struggles of TNA there’s just as much chance of having a gag entrant such as the Brooklyn Brawler as maybe an AJ Styles?  You just don’t know.  Have I said that I love the Royal Rumble?!

1. The Shield (5) – What a matchup!  With the way the Rhodes brothers and Big E have been wrestling of late, was there any doubt this match was going to steal the show?  Match of the night, right?  The dominance of The Shield almost certainly makes whatever they’re involved in a top 1 or 2 segment / match of the night, each week.  Rollins was back with in his long sleeves, which I pointed out how much I loved last week, and again showed that every member of The Shield is a superstar in the waiting.  Just as Reigns has been allowed to grow and develop his persona / moves inside the safety of The Shield.  We should all be grateful the WWE played the long game with The Shield and its members because six months ago when Reigns was rumored as the next breakout heavyweight contender, he was nowhere near ready like he will by the time The Shield actually breaks up.  He now has this “Superman punch” paired with that new kick maneuver from last week to add to his repertoire and isn’t just a “spear machine.”   Over these past few months all the members of The Shield have been finding what works for them as individuals.  Rollins has been showing that he’s not a third wheel and is able to put on a great match and put over his fellow wrestler.  I hadn’t seen that “stomp-face” finisher by Rollins before but it was solid.  I’m starting to run out of accolades for each member of The Shield.  Every week, even if they aren’t the focus of the match or story, they’re the best part of the show.  Let’s hope this isn’t the last time we see The Shield smiling together.
   
2. Goldust and Cody Rhodes / Big E Langston (9) – These three continue to roll.  As tag champs, the Rhodes brothers have been great.  I can’t say this enough but Goldust is wrestling better than he ever has.  Goldust even performed a great flip off the ring apron onto the floor.  He never did anything like that 10-15 years ago.  Cody keeps improving.  He pulled off a second rope leap onto the top rope into a springboard launch that took out Rollins on the floor outside the ring.  It was awesome.  Lastly, Big E was devastating.  With his heavyweight frame, can anyone say they thought he would be as dynamic as he’s shown.  He might never be a high-flyer but he’s quick, nimble and flies around the ring.  Great match with The Shield.
3. The Usos (3) – This was the Usos’s biggest challenge yet.  It’s one thing to go against The Shield or Daniel Bryan / Bray Wyatt and put on a good show.  It’s another thing when you’re expected to carry the match.  Could the Usos continue their recent success against the Rowan and Harper Wyatt?  If the Usos could pull a top tier match out of the two Wyatt enforcers, it would prove how good the Usos’s in-ring match ability really is.  BTW, the Usos throw some of the best punches I’ve ever seen.  What eventually spanned two commercial breaks and then ended with Bryan attacking Bray, I’d say the Usos were successful in their match against the bigger / stiffer Wyatts.  Congrats Usos, you’re the real deal.  Now dance like no one is watching.
   
   
   
   
4. Brock Lesnar w/ Heyman (N/A&8) – For a guy who only wrestles part-time, he’s still very good at taking bumps.  Speaking of bumps, I’d never say what Brock has on the back of his neck are fat rolls.  He’s so fucking huge that even his neck has muscles.  You want to talk about Batista coming back and being a “beast?” Every time I watch Lesnar my butt-hole clenches up.  The Big Show and Andre the Giant were always wrestlers to me and I was never scared of them, no matter their size.  Lesnar on the other hand scares me.  As I write this, I know he’s about 2,000 miles away in Ohio and from all accounts Lesnar is a nice person when you meet him, but I would shit my pants, pack my bags and move tonight if Lesnar looked into the camera and said, “Bear, I’m coming to get you.”  It’s a shame to waste one of the handful of matches he has on The Big Show.  Assuming Lesnar wins the match against Show, who’s next?  If this wrestling / MMA routine doesn’t work out for these guys, they could always start a good Shylock and collection agency… 
   
5. Daniel Bryan (1) – This was the first time in a while that Bryan got to have a prolonged solo mic segment.  This is the one aspect that I worry Bryan isn’t his strongest at.  But he pulled off his promo.  Even throwing a shot at Vince with, “And some people say I shouldn’t be the Face of this company.”  While the crowd is going crazy for him, chanting YES YES YES.  Bryan confirmed that it was all a ruse, joining the Wyatt Family, just to get revenge against Bray.  OK Bryan, you sold me.  You’ve got the mic skills to go with your incredible in-ring work.  I can’t wait for what should be an epic fight between Bryan and Bray Wyatt at RR.
6. Bray and The Wyatt Family (2) – I’m sorry, I don’t speak gator.  What the fuck was Bray saying?  Who knows, who cares.  I get the gist, Bray is going to beat down Daniel Bryan for his treachery.  One odd thing I picked up was that in the middle of the Wyatt / Usos tag match something funny happened.  Bray started talking and channeled Russell Crowe to become a mixture of Gladiator / Swamp Thing.  Rowan and Harper put on a solid match with the Usos, mainly because of the Usos.  The real anticipation is for this Sunday’s Bray vs Bryan matchup.
7. Batista (N/A) – First thought, he looks to be in great shape.  Second thought, he’s going to rip those jeggings in about two seconds.  It looked like someone painted jeans on Batista like when Sports Illustrated paints bikinis on their models and we’re supposed to pretend like they’re not nude.  (One day, it’s my dream to shake the hand of the person who thought of that little trick for providing years of masterbatorial material.  Yeah, it’s “artistic” wink-wink.  The most fantastically elaborate way of getting the top models on earth to pose naked.  A true pioneer.  My carpal tunnel riddled wrist and arm tips my cap to you.)  The announce crew kept stating all the reasons Batista came back but all I could think was, he’s back to up his profile and make sure the WWE Universe supports his cinematic endeavors (like The Rock did) and come WM30 guess what’s due out in the cineplexes?  The Guardians of the Galaxy!  With all the new tattoos and since he really doesn’t have gimmick to bank on, he should embrace the Drax the Destroyer role and see how quickly he can turn those homecoming cheers into villainous boos.  Maybe it was lost by the telecast but it already seemed like Batista’s face heat was subsiding by the time he destroyed ADR.  Regardless, he’s back.  I wish him well the next few months.  On a physical / homoerotic side note, my girlfriend -REPEAT- my girlfriend wants to know how someone can have such huge shoulders and trap’s but no lat’s and a smallish chest?  It must be hard to find him a masseuse strong enough to work the knots out of those shoulders.  (Another life tip to all you young-in’s: “shoulder’s make the man” so don’t neglect those when you first start working out.  Any professional weightlifter will tell you this.) 
   
   
   
   
   
8. HHH and Stephanie (N/A) – The Authority makes their return.  It feels like forever since these maniacal lovebirds have been on RAW together.  I’ve missed them.  Vince must have been smiling when Stephanie busted out a fantastic promo that not only laid out the championship story but also fit in advertising for the newly announce WWE Network.  She was brilliant.  Not to be outdone, HHH basically touched on every major storyline going on in the WWE.  The only thing that HHH steered away from was any mention of his involvement in recent incidents involving CM Punk.  Even a blind man can see that every one with a connection to HHH is in someway affecting Punk.  I expect some sort of interaction between the two during the Rumble to help push this rumored feud along.  I mean, c’mon.  They made Punk the first wrestler in the rumble.  That always means something.
   
9. Randy Orton (10) – RKO came out on fire and was fantastic.  This is why RKO is worthy of a top slot in the WWE.  HHH and Stephanie are naturally heels as the Authority but only RKO can land further down the heel-scale and make HHH / Stephanie come off looking like faces, if only for a few minutes.  When it was time for his rematch with Kofi from last week, it was a nice touch to have him come out to the ring paranoid.  Constantly looking over his shoulder.  Even with the anticipation of Cena arriving to take vengeance for what RKO did to Cena’s father last week, RKO and Kofi put on a much better match this time around.  When Cena did finally arrive, the bit went Old School.  RKO and Cena took the fight into crowd and up to the arena’s suites.  RKO was able to escape outside the arena.  That’s right, RKO left the building and miraculously jumped into the passenger side of a renal SUV.  While it was preposterous for the announcers to allege that RKO “stole” someone’s car, it was clearly waiting there, I do wonder if RKO didn’t take it upon himself to have someone HE could trust waiting outside for him?  Or he just jumped into a random car and said drive.  Lord know, a greased up RKO jumps into my car and says go, I go.  RKO has some really interesting possibilities coming up.  He’s got trust issues.  He’s got issues with wanting to prove he is the Face of the WWE.  He’s got paranoia issue about everyone coming after his title.  He’s got issues with his employer.  The only problem is that all of his “issues” are intricate and if not handled properly could fail miserably.  RKO suddenly became really interesting. 
   
10. CM Punk (4) – I wish there was more but it seems that there is going to be a Punk / HHH feud but it won’t really pic up steam until or right after the Royal Rumble.  Thanks to Kane, Punk was bestowed the first entry into the Rumble.  Not necessarily a bad thing because the first entrant is usually the guy getting the big push, the one who eventually wins or the one who’s involved in the biggest storyline going in and coming out of the Rumble match.  If anyone has the endurance, ability and guts to go wire-to-wire at the Rumble, it’s Punk.  I’m not so much excited for where Punk has been for the last few weeks but pumped for where he might be going if it’s truly to feud with HHH at WM30.
11. New Age Outlaws (13) – In today’s WWE, where one man will fight the singles match and the partner will be at the announce table, was there any question Road Dogg would be on mic and Mr. Ass Billy Gunn would be in-ring to take on Punk?  The return of the NAO was fun but I’m ready to move onto the main course of Punk / HHH.  I’m Shocked that the NAO are taking on the Rhodes boys for the tag team champs.  With all the great tag talent available, such as the Primetime Players, why is it necessary to bring back the NAO for a tag match.  I understand the quick run they’re having against Punk in service to the bigger HHH story but why keep them around?  Remember when Billy Gunn used to be the powerhouse of the NAO?  Let’s just say time is undefeated.  Although I challenge you to find someone at Gunn’s age to get up that high on those dropkicks like he does.
    
    
12. Korporate Kane / Brad Maddox (12) – I have a feeling it’s about time to “break glass in case of emergency” and free the monster.  Stemming from an incident on Smackdown, Kane is embroiled with CM Punk but it all feels orchestrated to add to the Punk / HHH feud.  It makes more sense for Kane to finally snap and help out Bryan if the rest of the Wyatt Family tries to interfere with the Bryan / Bray match.  The Kane / Maddox relationship is interesting.  If Kane isn’t thrusted back into the ring, I’m interested in where their relationship could go.
    
    
13. John Cena (7) – Even though he’s the Face of the WWE, this is the first time in years that Cena isn’t part of any of the top story lines.  Sure, he’s fighting for the championship vs RKO at the Rumble but isn’t RKO the more interesting character.  They had to bring back RKO vs Cena’s dad just to give any sort of motivation for Cena.  The WWE set up a “Cena-cam” to watch for when Cena was going enter the building?  It seemed like he either wanted a light work night or maybe his flight was late to the show.  It was odd that he came to the arena fully dressed and charging down the utility entrance and into the ring.  Then RKO and Cena battled “old school” up through the crowd and … into at suite?  I must say, I’ve never seen that before.  From there, it just got weirder.  Cena again seemed overly concerned with the people in the crowd.  Asking if “Is everyone OK?” in the suite because maybe RKO ran them over during his escape.  Hello!  These are wrestling fans.  If RKO body slammed or clotheslined a patron, they would be more than thrilled.  I couldn’t tell you what’s going on with Cena.  Then, during the last few minutes of the show, Cena’s glad-handing the fans as he makes his way back to the ring?  The bad news is Cena’s character seems lost.  The good news is that the rest of the roster seems to be picking up the slack.
14. Kofi Kingston (11) – Kofi gets a rematch and a chance to wash away the bad taste of last week’s match out of our mouths.  RKO had that special spark from the beginning of the show which definitely came through when it was time for their rematch.  RKO and Kofi are two of the most naturally gifted athletes the WWE has.  Every match should be a classic.  A win last week and a muddled ending where Cena attacks RKO this week should be good for Kofi but I don’t see the end game.  If past performances mean anything, Kofi is odds on favorite to have the spot of the night at the Rumble.
15. Rey Mysterio (15) – For the past few weeks, it seems like Rey needs about 5 minutes before his pain meds kick in and he’s fully lubricated.  Until then, it’s like watching the tin man trying to move around before Dorothy pumps him full of WD-40.  After he’s loose, we get glimpses of old school Rey which is amazing.  I still say we’re looking at Rey’s goodbye tour this year.  Baring a serious injury, I’m hoping he can have one or two good feuds left and give us a handful of memorable matches because like Ray Allen, when he’s in rhythm he can still stroke the money shot all night.
16. Alberto Del Rio (14) – In his last few matches against Rey, he’s been carrying Rey until he gets warmed up.  Rey still has enough skill to work well with ADR.  How about that killer leg stomp when ADR caught Rey in the corner?  Fred “The Oracle” called it; these matches are just to set up ADR to eventually fall and job to Batista.  It makes sense.  ADR is getting built up but with a string of wins of late, albeit to a hobbled Rey Mysterio and seldom used Sin Cara.  ADR got blasted by Batista and don’t expect this to be the last time.
17. The Big Show (16) – They show us tape of the good Big Show (the mad giant) and then we get the bad Big Show on the mic (the comedian).  Outside of the WWE world, and with the right script / setting, Big Show has the most charisma of almost anyone who walks down the ramp.  The problem is, in the squared circle, angry and limited time Big Show is the better draw than charismatic Big Show.  Luckily for us, the Big Show got through with his act quickly and Heyman / Lesnar made their way to the ring to put an end to Big Show’s nonsense.  I’m really worried for their match.  Lesnar is solid when he’s got a skillful opponent like HHH or Punk but what’s going to happen when Lesnar has to carry the match?  We’ll find out Sunday. 
    
18. AJ Lee and Tamina vs Cameron and Naomi (18) – With a record setting Divas championship title reign, you’d think this would be a joyous occasion for AJ but the writers seem fit to bring back crazy AJ instead of expanding on Harley Quinn AJ (which you might think is the same, but I assure you it’s not).  The AJ that has become a fan favorite is the smart cerebral AJ who’s pissed at the Total Divas, shoots pipe bomb promos and wrestles her ass off in the ring.  Not the cake throwing, table smashing AJ from two years ago.  Hopefully this was a one time flashback.  On the positive side, Naomi has shown the most potential of the new Divas.  Is it a coincidence that the best Divas are the ones dating / married to wrestlers.  Naomi is with one of the Usos, B-cup-Bella is with Daniel Bryan and AJ is with Punk.  Natalya comes from wrestling royalty but she too is married to a very good in-ring performer in Tyson “TeeJaaay” Kidd.  Tamina is a Snuka and has the size to dominate but not yet the skill.  I would never admit this out loud but I would be apposed to watching a fatal 4-way between Naomi, Bella, Natalya and AJ for the championship.  You’ve got one chance Divas, don’t make me regret it…
19. Fan-dan-go w/ Summer Rae (N/A) – Back from the abyss of the unused.  Fandango was thrown into a match with Xavier Woods.  This had to be the WTF match of the night.  It came out of nowhere.  Fandango go the win but I couldn’t tell you why?  Fandango is still getting a solid push and I wonder how he’ll fare in the RR match?  Is he just another contestant or will he continue to receive a push and get one of the prime slots or assignments? 
20. Xavier Woods w/ R-Truth on the mic (N/A) – R-Truth at the announce table is always interesting.  The biggest news is that he’s set to face Damien Sandow on a show called Main Even on a channel called ION.  I will not be hunting this down, which is unfortunate because I pumped up Sandow so much last week that I really wanted to see him capitalize on his fantastic match with Cena.  Why is Xavier Woods even fighting Fandago?  I thought he was in a feud with the newly turned heel, Brodus Clay?  What happened to that?  Is Clay hurt?  Yet another thread that can be built upon during the Rumble match.  This match with Fandango was pointless.  Even though for a spit second, didn’t it seem like R-Truth had grown irritated by Xavier and his loss may have caused some friction between the two? 

Honorable Mentions

Mae Young – RIP.  Say what you will about the nonagenarian, she was down for everything and anything.  She was Bubba-bombed off the stage and through a table.  She gave birth to a hand.  A fucking HAND!  This at a time in her life when most people her age are slurping up dinner and loosing their minds in old age homes.  All in the name of the wrestling business.  We take it for granted that not only was she in the wrestling business for over 70 years and even today women have to work much harder to be respected as something more than just arm candy to the male wrestlers.  Mae was doing that during WWII.  I won’t pretend that I knew any more about Mae Young than the few times I saw her on TV.  Most of the time it involved ridiculous stunts and her old age.  I feel for her family and hope that they take solace that very few people are remembered in this world.  Mae will live on forever in the archives of wrestling and the WWE.

#EMMAtaining – I don’t know who or what she’s all about but it’s the second week in a row that RAW cameras went out of their way to show her in the crowd.  Let’s not gloss over the fact it’s the second week in a row that she’s been IN the crowd.  No doubt this EMMA-person will be a factor in something soon.

Richard Sherman – Off a game winning performance in the NFC Championship win, Sherman gave quite a remarkable heel interview seen here.

Side Note(s)

Royal Rumble gambling pool –

-30 pieces of paper numbered 1-30 placed into a hat or large bowl.

-Divide 30 by the number of people in your crew, that’s how many picks you get (i.e. 10 people, 3 picks each).

-Each person puts in $5 (in this example the pot would be $50)

-The number(s) you have correspond with each wrestler’s entrance slot.  Whichever wrestler comes out at your slot is now your wrestler.

-If your wrestler wins the Rumble, you win the pot ($50 winner takes all).

Done.  Have fun.  It’s a lot of fun for everyone no matter if you’re a die-hard mark or someone who knows nothing about wrestling.  Last year my girlfriend won because she lucked out and got Cena as one of her pics.  Proving ANYONE can win.  Enjoy.

**any odd number of picks can be purchased by someone as bonus chances or put back in as “house picks” where the funds go to pay for the food, beer, PPV, etc.**

I had to include this series of pics.  The three faces of Heyman:

Until next week…

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 1/13/2014

Coming at you from Providence, with the Royal Rumble just weeks away, the WWE is in full swing.  All day I wondered, with great anticipation, whether tonight’s RAW was going to be as cool, calm, funny and all-around pimp as Leonardo DiCaprio or awkwardly drunken, lost, past-their-prime-and-barely-keeping-it-together star (who you might still have sex with after 8 - 12 beers) as Jacqueline Bisset at last night’s Golden Globe Awards.  Last week’s Old School RAW was filled with star power and great surprises (everyone is still talking about Jake the Snake’s return) but was a little thin on story.  When setting the DVR, the notes said this was the “biggest RAW of the year!”  Since it’s just the second RAW of the year, I can’t wait to see what they have in store for us (sarcastic font, make yourself known to me!!!!).  I’m assuming lots of “Bryatt” action and more info on the big 30-man Rumble lineup.      So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 01/13/2014…

Tonight’s show was completely opposite of last week’s RAW.  Whereas last week we had a “talent” heavy show with tons of past and present Superstars, this week was thin on the wrestlers but packed with story and plot.  Also the official unveiling of the WWE Network was huge (more on that below).

1. Daniel Bryan (2) – Armed only with superior wrestling skills, a one word chant in “YES!” (which is more over than any chant since maybe something from The Rock?) and an unkempt man-scaping approach that makes the Wyatt Family’s hair decisions look like high society.  The announcers had it correct after the opening match with the Usos, this is strange…  To the writers’s credit (and by the end we could see it was also due to time) there were no words spoken but you feel like you got a lot of story from the match.  The opening match wasn’t great but it wasn’t bad, it just was.  I figured another week and the “Bryatt” saga will continue.  But then a funny thing happened on the way to the steel cage match.  Whether this was the plan all along or the outside pressure of fans across the wrestling world force the WWE’s hand, the Daniel Bryan Switch-a-roo was perfectly played out.  This was a PPV level finish.  I joked that this show was promoted as the “biggest show of the year” but when 2015 comes around, don’t be surprised if we’re not still talking about this one.  Even when the rematch was announce and  when they said it was going to be a steel cage match, I figured for sure WWE would stretch this out until the Rumble.  It wasn’t until Kane was going to chain the door shut did something set off my Spidey-senses.  It wasn’t until both Usos landed outside the cage and won the match did I think, “Is this really happening, tonight?”  It wouldn’t be the first time some big action was set up, only to have the plot continue further down the road (just see The Shield breakup for an example of the long game).  When Bryan didn’t go down to the second Sister Abigail, the crowd went APE SHIT.  Bryan out smarted The Wyatts (maybe / maybe not with help from his former partner Kane) into a sealed off / one-on-one showdown with the patriarch of the family who’s been torturing him.  Great performance.  “Show Stopping” one might say.  (For those of you that still don’t get it, who trained Bryan?)
   
2. Wyatt Family (2) – I’m an unabashed mark for the Wyatt Family, especially Bray Wyatt.  I’ve routinely put them higher than they belong on this list.  Fortunately I’m not the only one who seems to be a big fan.  The WWE brass seem to always be giving Bray a big push.  How much was this a Bray Wyatt push compared to a Daniel Bryan coming out party?  It doesn’t matter in the end because it all worked out beautifully.  Bray showed why his skills are deserving of the push.  One of the little things you can watch to see how good a wrestler is, is how they corner an opponent.  Do they do it half assed as just another move in the match or do they take it to the next level and give the corner-ing 100%?  Bray, furiously stopping opponents and making a spectacle of how he rests in a corner showed you that he’s the real deal in-ring.  I’m going to assume that this feud between The Wyatt Family and Daniel Bryan will continue into the Rumble.  All I can say is “Yes Yes Yes!!!”  Now the ball is in The Wyatt’s court to see if this run has legs. 
   
3. The Usos (8) – I was afraid that jobbing to the “Bryatt” storyline was beneath them and would only go to dropping their status but by the end of the night, they were the perfect opponents in the “Bryatt” story.  They were strong performers to open the show (again, not knowing where we were headed I was a little skeptical of the opening match) and I was surprised they won.  By the second win I realized what the bigger picture was and saw that it was a honor for The Usos to be apart of the overall plan but to give them two great wins which wasn’t going to take away from the finish of the show, another fantastic job.  And what do you know, The Usos spoke!!  Now we can see why they don’t speak, let’s move on.  Just joking, it wasn’t that bad.  The WWE is going for something with the split screen and the Samoan-ese (someone will have to tell me what that is) was different.  They’ve earned the right to build their character so I’ll give them a lot of rope before I make any final judgments on their shoot abilities.  Let’s see what happens when they’re the centerpiece of a feud.  They definitely were in the wake of the main event but there’s a lot of worse places to be.  Great night, topped with a loving kiss.  See, it’s ok because they’re brothers.  Nothing gay going on here.  “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”    
   
4. CM Punk (1) – You know you’re big when they have other wrestlers come out just to give you the proper hype before your hype music hits.  Normally I’d find this overly indulgent but for some reason Punk embodies the old DX aura and it works.  It wasn’t too long into the match when we saw what the WWE has been dropping hints at.  The conspiracy theory of HHH vs Punk at WM30 grew louder with NAO ditching Punk.  First it was HBK taking on Punk a few weeks ago and now the NAO.  Either HHH is behind this whole thing or The 1-2-3 Kid is about to make the greatest comeback ever.  I’d have to think the XPac / Chyna sex tape probably sealed the deal with any return, or should I say non-return.  Although it wouldn’t surprise me, and who doesn’t love to boo Sean Waltman, if next week X-Pac is coming.
5. The Shield (3) – You’re not going to hear me complain about a Shield vs NAO / Punk tag match.  With seeing how the Punk storyline looks to be playing out, The Shield took a backseat on this RAW.  I wonder what this leaves The Shield to do at RR?  They don’t seem to be in any particular match, so will they be in the Rumble?  If so, is this where they really start to break up OR do they come together and destroy the other 27 contestants?  Or maybe both, destroy and then someone has to win?  The Shield has earned a long leash and I’ll let things ride out.  Rollins’ long sleeve look is great!  It’s one of those small things that seems silly but since no other wrestler rocks the long sleeves, it makes him stand out.  Many of the wrestlers want to take everyone to the “gun show” (by no means do I mean to say Rollins isn’t in shape) but this accentuates he’s spider-like frame.  Or maybe Reigns used up all the arm-butter backstage?  I’d like to put an end to “the mechanic, the punisher and the fox” right now.  Those are completely stupid and superfluous.  Lastly, excellent flying kick by Reigns.  He needed something to pair up with the Superman punch.  
   
   
6. Damien Sandow (16) – There’s jobbing for a paycheck and then there’s jobbing for a purpose.  Sandow jobbed a fantastic match to Cena.  This loss did more for Sandow than any win in the last few months.  I know you can say he lost another match but when you put over the Face of the WWE, everyone notices.  The writers, the WWE and most importantly Cena can say, “You remember how that Sandow / Cena match killed, let’s use Sandow on the next __?___.”  I was just watching an interview with Stone Cold Steve Austin and one of his biggest points was that no matter the opportunity, you make the most of it and force people to take notice of you.  Sandow did that.  Well done.
7. John Cena (6) – This was a huge “Cena” crowd.  Close enough in geography to expect a pro Cena crow but the Cena haters were in full force as well.  Sure enough, Cena’s dad was in attendance.  Can’t help noticing the Hulk Hogan-esque undroos he was wearing.  As we know there’s nothing on screen that isn’t for sale or has a meaning.  So thank you, John Cena, for having a million conspiracy theories and thoughts of what your underwear choice means for the next few days.  I “plead the fifth” on whether I’ve already googled John Cena Underwear. The theory (screw it, my theory until someone else claims it) of Cena rising to the competition was in full affect as Sandow brought the best out of Cena.  Then we have this picture.  From the discovery of the third Gallagher brother to the kid who is in utter shock to Cena horribly asking everyone for just a little space, ‘cause that’s all you need (just a tad bit of space) when you father’s face is bashed in and the perpetrator is standing just feet away from you.
   
8. Heyman (7) – Heyman on the mic is magic.  From the way he says Brock Lesnar to even when he starts to stumble over his key points, he’s able to bring it back so smoothly as if he was reading a script.  I can’t praise the in-ring workers for their skills and not praise Heyman for his mic skills.  Heyman is to a mic what Ziggler / HBK / Hart are in the ring.  That’s why Punk is so good, he’s high in both categories. 
9. Goldust and Cody Rhodes (4) – Have we seen the first seeds of dissension between the Rhodes brothers?  The Rumble is the perfect place to hammer the nail in what will become the ultimate “brother vs brother” match at WM30.  They get the win and continue their in-ring dominance.  
10. Randy Orton (5) – I’m a huge RKO fan but I’ve got to acknowledge how dead the crowd was during his match.  I can usually defend my man but tonight I have no excuses.  Three segments for the RKO / Kofi / Cena’s dad bit?  Not even Kofi made this match exciting or entertaining.  Is it my imagination or is RKO vs Cena’s father deja-vu to around 2006?  Not to go all SNL but REALLY?  REALLY Cena and Orton?  REALLY, we’re supposed to act like this wasn’t boring 5 years ago?  REALLY, Cena’s dad has nothing better to do than get his ass kicked by RKO once a decade like a comet flying through the WWE universe?  This picture says it all.  The kid who’s being tortured by his father (which will be me someday) to RKO roaming around aimlessly in a Fugue State to even the King question the father’s parenting techniques (this from a man whose son became Grand Master Sexay, WTF?).  Father of the year and fan of the night all in the same picture, ladies and gentlemen.
    
11. Kofi Kingston (N/A) – Did Kofi really need to announce that he was going to be in the Rumble?  Here’s some breaking news, bears shit in the woods and the Pope is Catholic.  What else was Kofi doing on Rumble night?  Giving “rusty trombones” to the fans outside the area?  My pet peeve from 2013 reared it’s ugly head again.  The infuriating “clean win vs a champion with no title being exchanged.”  I’m all for Kofi to get a win over someone like RKO.  I’m not sure Kofi is due a championship run yet, but he could someday.  I just can’t get over these non-title-changing wins!  Kofi beat RKO in a clean victory.  If you want to have any integrity Kofi is the new Champ.  STOP DOING THIS ASAP, WWE.
12. Korprate Kane / Brad Maddox (N/A) – There’s been a nice back and forth between these two going back to the holiday break shows.  Am I the only one who thinks there’s something up with Kane?  Is it the big Wyatt seed?  Or a Daniel Bryan connection?  Or possibly the return of the monster?  The mask in the “break in case of emergency glass” is always in the background of late.
13. The New Age Outlaws (N/A) – These guys can still bring the hype and in short bursts they can put on a good match.  It helps to have Punk as a partner and The Shield as your opponents.  You had to know something was up when they came out for a second week in a row after essentially the same bit on the Old School RAW.  Can we lock down the HHH / Punk feud for WM30 now or do we need to see more to make that assumption?  One last thing.  Road Dogg embraced his physique (or lack of one) a long time ago, can someone explain to Billy Gunn that he’s loosing the hairline battle to father time?  It’s ok.  Let it go and age with grace.  But then again, maybe I’m not giving the guy enough credit for committing.  He’s rocked that hair through since the 90’s and even through the Billy and Chuck days (another gimmick that I with age grows fonder in my memory and I wonder if it could work in today’s WWE as a pride angle instead of a joke).  
    
14. Alberto Del Rio (12) – It’s clear to everyone with a TV and eyes to what ADR is doing, taking out all the other Mexican wrestlers, so why not work the plot more.  I don’t know what it is yet but there’s something there with taking out Sin Cara and now Mysterio.  I’m not jumping off the ADR bandwagon just yet.  He’s got too much talent.  
15. Rey Mysterio (15) – I’m still wondering what to thing of Rey’s work.  50% of the match he looks like he’s about to fall over like my 72 year old stepfather and the other 50% of the time he looks like he’s Lucha-Libre Rey and he’s flying around the ring.  I know it’s hard to do a solo, pop up window shoot about the Royal Rumble but the one Rey did was terrible.  Just let him wrestle and have the announcers pump up his Rumble entry.  I can’t recall a time when Rey’s been good on the mic.  If he hasn’t gotten it down by now, let’s chalk that up to it’s never happening.  Feel free to surprise me and change my mind.  I’ve only watched you for 10+ years and I can’t remember one good promo?  
16. The Big Show (11) – It’s hard for me to make fun of a guy who obviously went out of his way to make a special moment for a kid in the crowd.  On the other hand, I’d hate to disappoint all the people who think I’m a complete asshole, sooooo… to watch The Big Show lumber down to the ring with his pigeon-toed trot is either a fun exercise or the sign to go to the bathroom and/or make a sandwich (depending on your state of intoxication while watching RAW).  When will the WWE listen to “The Big Show is best in small doses?”  I thought they had the Big Show formula down when he beat Swagger in a few short minutes but then…it…just…had…to…go…on…and…on…  While I’m all for the humiliation of Zeb and any of the Real Americans, switching Big Show into the Big Joke never works for me.
17. The Real Americans w/ Zeb (13) – I do love Zeb’s new gimmick of the outrageously huge sign.  Throw in a slightly offensive pun on each side, and I’m in.  Sorry, I’m a sucker for old school evil managers.  Swagger quickly jobbed to Show but that wasn’t enough.  Oh no, we had to waste more time when Zeb got the world’s biggest “goosing” and then got knocked out.  Once again, the only smart one on this team is Cesaro for getting out of that situation ASAP. 
18. AJ Lee / Tamina vs Cameron / Naomi (20) – I know it’s my job to make sense of this thing we call wrestling but I don’t know what to make of this Divas match?  Was it good?  Was it a waste of time?  I’ll save you all and do the internalizing of whatever this is?  All I know is AJ having the record for title reign is good.  Also, AJ’s Harley Quinn act works perfectly as well and is the only time Tamina’s character is working, as her “heavy/enforcer.”
19. Ryback (17) – “Ryb-axel” is baaaa….. Look, I really don’t have the energy to write about these two nimrods.  The Ryback experience went off the rails a few months ago.  The only thing to make his gimmick work is pairing him up with Axel.  That’s only because Axel is so bad.  If the only thing I can point out as mildly watchable is that he sure has that stupid hand clap gesture down, you know you’re in trouble.   
20. Curtis Axel (18) – Mr. Perfect is flawlessly spinning in his grave.  Nuff said.

Honorable Mentions

Batista – No longer can I just make fun of the worst kept secret that the WWE tried to pull on us.  Batista would have been an awesome surprise entry on the Rumble but I also understand if they wanted to bring him out the week before.  Now his hype might be getting too big for him to live up to.  Am I the only person who remembers that Batista wasn’t that great?  There’s a reason he left the WWE and it wasn’t because of injury or a blossoming acting career.  Batista has been lucking in his roll of the Hollywood dice.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m curious to see Batista return and given time, I think he has a story to tell but we know he’s not going to be in the WWE long enough to tell any stories.  The Rock made a huge commitment and The Rock is a showman like no other.  Batista isn’t / was never near that level.  Expect for a great return moment but then let’s see what he and the WWE have in store for us.

The Ultimate Warrior – Wait a second, this needs more than just a little HM one liner… The Ultimate FUCKING Warrior is going to back on WWE television!?!?!?  God I loved him as a kid, and God is he out of his mind.  Trying to explain to my girlfriend, the insanity that was and is the Ultimate Warrior is impossible.  The classic clip from Arsenio is all you need to know about Ultimate Warrior and the possible alleged steroid use.  Does this look like a guy on steroids to you?

This is so big, I had to grab another screen shot.  I love the Standard Definition colors.  The Warrior was meant for SD.  High-Def just brings out his flaws.  Look at this beast and ask yourself  how anyone could not love this guy back in the Hogan era.  In the wild-west days of the 80’s and early 90’s you could get away with this.  Not in today’s WWE locker room.  

Side Note(s)

The WWE Network – We now know more info on what is essentially WWE-Netflix-ToGo.  Even better than just On Demand, its also 24-7 programming.  $9.99 per month and every, EVERY, PPV!  I’m sold just on that.  Yet again, because the WWE is willing to try everything and anything (for good or bad) to entertain the fans (and make money) the WWE will either have the model for the future of entertainment or at the very least make an impact on the next generation of home content delivery.  I love Bill Simmons and grantland.com.  On a recent BS Report, Bill and his friend Gus pointed out the innovations and fingerprints that McMahon’s failed XFL still has on today’s current NFL.  Maybe the XFL never had a chance against the NFL because it ultimately comes down to the level of competition and while the XFL had some quality players, they couldn’t compete with the rosters the NFL teams had.  But never let anyone tell you the XFL didn’t give the NFL a good scare.  On field cameras, more access to the players and techniques to try anything to be different and get more eyes on their product is still scene in the NFL today.  The Sky-cam and Hard Knocks probably aren’t around if not for the XFL. 

I’ll tell you one person who’s not hoping for a successful WWE Network launch?  Barack Obama!  If the WWE can pull off a successful and seamless launch after RAW on February 24th, god help us from the horrible jokes FOX News is going to try to make in comparing the WWE Network to healthcare.gov 

You probably never expected to read as much as you did regarding 1-2-3 Kid / X-pac as you did earlier.  Do yourself a favor, goggle X-Pac and you’ll find one of the top stories is “how he tore his anus” last year.  If not for bad luck, some people would have no luck at all.

Here's another great example of today's Cena crowd:

Until next week…

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 1/06/2014

Coming at you from Baltimore, after watching the second greatest BCS Championship (nothing can top the USC / Texas game, don’t try to fight me on that) and then curling up for what promised to be an exciting RAW, it was a long night for this old Bear.  With a good night’s sleep, I’m ready to christen in the New Year and the beginning of the 2014 Power Rankings!  Old School RAW was appropriately titled.  It had the look and flavor of an Old School WWF/E event.  Even my girlfriend commented on the cool retro look of the WWE signage.  The only problem was it was much more of a “show pony” than actual good show.  I’ll never say NO to seeing former greats come out and give the show an added boost, but we still have a Royal Rumble just a few weeks away and the story must go on.  The other small complaint, which I’ll get into later, is that some of the former stars that were from the Attitude era, can’t really be Attitude-y on todays WWE’s PG shows.  This is how we get The Godfather leading a stable of old guys out to the stage instead of his usual flock of hookers & hoes.  By the time Wade Barrett got done with his schtick, you could see the former Superstars wondering, “Is this what we came back here for?  I better run to the bank to make sure this check cashes.”  But by the end, the WWE was able to shine by putting on some really solid matches and bringing out the biggest reclamation of Superstardom in Jake “The Snake” Roberts.  Anyone who’s read the dirt sheets and watched Beyond the Mat will tell you the likelihood of ever seeing The Snake on WWE television, or even alive for that matter, was slim to none.  He’s rehabbed himself with the help of DDP and it was great to see him back out there looking well.  Having said all that, facts and matches about the upcoming Royal Rumble were just being flung at the audience like a Jameis Winston 2-yrd TD game winning TD pass (see what I did there).  Info like Batista entering into the RR, which would usually have a little pomp and circumstance, was just tossed at us.  Over and over and over and over again.  BTW, did you hear Batista was entering into the RR?  Even with screen time being precious, the WWE was able to get in some quality matches and move forward their main story lines.  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 1/06/2013…

FYI, no (previous) rankings apply because 1) it’s new year and 2) the last two weeks were throw aways; both things add up to a fresh start:

1. CM Punk – Other than winning a championship, could anyone have had a better night than Punk?  Basically called a living legend by a living legend (Piper).  Piper was throwing “pipe-bombs” when they were coconuts.  Introduced by one of the best hype men ever in wrestling (regardless if you liked Road Dogg the wrestler, he knows how to work a mic) and thrown together with two of the few Old Schoolers, that can actually move faster than a snail’s pace, The New Age Outlaws and Punk made some key entrances AND Punk put on one of the best matches of the night.  Punk and the other two members of The Shield, Ambrose and Rollins, have been great.  I was a little worried at first because his match with Reigns got off to a slow start but by the end, it was full speed ahead which ended in a Punk loss (albeit predicable).
   
2. Daniel “Bryatt” Bryan – I’m not sure if the Bryan is really the number 2 ranked wrestler this week because his overall performance wasn’t the best we’ve seen, especially recently, but his story has been the few to carry through the holiday season and is getting more screen time than any other (besides The Shield).  Visually, he’s a perfect fit for the Wyatts.  They gave him a shrunk blue version of Rowan’s mechanics jumpsuit and it worked fine.  The match they were in was fine but not great.  The best part of the night for Bryan was when he and the other Wyatts cut a promo backstage and we learned that Bryan and Bray would be teaming up next week.  I haven’t yet consulted “The Oracle” but everything feels like a huge flip / revenge turn by Bryan on the Wyatts at Royal Rumble.  I don’t know where either would go afterwards if that were to happen but I also don’t see where this “Bryatt” gimmick goes after a few weeks either.  The whole thing is just odd because Bryan was such a huge fan favorite and was destroying audiences every week.  It’s rare for the WWE to slam the breaks on an “over” star / gimmick before its popularity wanes.  Yet another reason I’m guessing that a big double cross against the Wyatts would pop big and is what the WWE is building towards.
   
3. The Shield – Blatantly playing up the “cracks in The Shield” story.  Not too many performers could pull off such obvious storytelling and We as an audience would put up with it but Ambrose, Rollins and Reigns have been so spectacular in executing their rolls that I’m totally fine with it.  Am I happy about The Shield eventually breaking up? NO.  But everything has its time and while all three members have shown to be strong individual wrestlers, I’m sure The Shield will always get back together from time to time.  Look at DX or The Four Horsemen.  The WWE has done a good job of slow burning the breakup of The Shield.  Even with Reigns victory over Punk last night, the other members could say he only won because of the distraction that the Ambrose and Rollins caused.  As always, the story will continue.
4. Goldust and Cody Rhodes – I’ll make this short.  Can anyone believe how good Goldust looks and is wrestling?  If this was any other sport, people would want him tested for steroids and HGH like Barry Bonds in 2001.  But this is wrestling so I assume everyone is doing some sort of steroid or HGH.  At one point JBL mentioned that Goldust IS Old School.  He’s right!  Goldust was on the scene before The New Age Outlaws, Rikishi and Too Cools of the world.  Between the four wrestlers involved, Goldust / Cody / Swagger / Cesaro, Goldust was hands down the best performer in-ring.  (And would be the best performer on mic if they ever gave him the chance.)
5. RKO – This is where I have to throw in the current Face and Heel of the WWE.  They didn’t do much but they came out and were, well…the Face and Heel of the WWE.  RKO gets the spot above Cena because RKO is the current champ.  He was truly boring but was spot on for his character.  He came out.  He whined.  He brought back memories of Evolution (What, WWE, you couldn’t have worked the timing out so that Flair, HHH, RKO and Batista were all back on the same show?  Would that have been too hard?).  I’m not going to even bother complaining about the how’s or why’s RKO vs Cena part 2 at RR is lame because it is what it is.  That’s the championship match and to be honest, the RR isn’t about the championship match.  When you’re watching the Rumble, THAT’s where the focus is.  Unless you’re in an unbelievable feud, which is rare, you almost don't want to be the champ at RR.  You’d much rather win or put on a great performance at the Rumble.  
6. John Cena – Right behind RKO because he’s the challenger.  This RKO / Cena match is being so downplayed that it definitely feels like it’s going to be Part 2 of a trilogy.  If Cena pulls off this win, we could be set up for a final face off at the PPV between The Rumble and WM30.  Lord knows it wouldn’t surprise me if Cena stacks his WM30 deck and also comes out to win The Rumble match but I think even for the WWE, that would be too much.  I’ll give Cena props.  The promo between Flair and RKO needed a little Cena thrown in to pick the energy back up.  Flair is a legend but he’s also ancient.  He was definitely petering out by the end and RKO can only do so much load lifting.  
7. Brock Lesnar w/ Heyman – I know Lesnar isn’t going to say anything, just as I know Heyman isn’t going to wrestle.  What better duo is there?  They are perfect for each other.  I’m even more happy to have Heyman back than Brock.  Maybe it’s because I know Lesnar is only obligated to a few matches per year while Heyman can turn any turd of a wrestler into someone I want to watch (look no further than Ryback & Axel).  This is not to diminish Lesnar.  Let me be clear, LESNAR IS A BEAST.  He looks like he’s in great shape.  He’s always been an underrated wrestler.  If the WWE feels they need to build him back up after match ups against Punk and HHH in the recent past, what better way than to have him take out Mark Henry “The World’s Strongest Man” and the WWE’s “Giant” The Big Show.  Knowing that Lesnar only has a few matches per year, I wonder what the end game is.  Rumors are he’ll be facing the Undertaker at WM30, so to build him up as someone that can take out the biggest and strongest makes sense.  You won’t hear much complaining from me when Lesnar and Heyman come out.  
8. The Usos – If you’ve read previous rankings you’d know that I love the Usos and want their roles to grow and grow.  They are in line to being the next (or soon to be next) Tag Champs.  Having said that, last night was probably their weakest performance in months.  Granted, they’ve been stellar just about every time we’ve seen them and an off night by the Usos is usually better than other tag teams “A” games, I’m just saying tonight they weren’t the best.  Maybe because they had to carry the corpse of Rey Mysterio around or because they were fighting a tag team in The Wyatts that have other things on their minds.  Whatever the reason was, their match didn’t blow me away like usual.  
9. Big E Langston – He’s a beast.  He’s agile and has a ton of potential.  I guess his next feud will be with Ryback?  Yet another WTF pairing but assuming Big E staves off the might of Ryback, that will propel Big E’s status.  He’s handled smaller, more agile opponents but to now add a heavyweight in Ryback would just prove his worthiness.  If he can pull out a few good matches against Ryback, he’ll shoot up the list of top wrestlers. 
10. Mark Henry – If jobbing to Lesnar is what the WWE feels they need to push Lesnar’s star, I get it.  But on RAW, Lesnar “broke” Henry’s arm which would make be believe he’s going to be out for some time.  The problem is Henry just came back, is on fire whether alone or teaming up with Big E and I haven’t heard of any real reason he needs time off?  I went on to the WWE website and noticed that now they’re calling Henry’s injury a dislocation instead of a break.  In wrestling terms, that means he’ll be back to normal by next week.  Maybe I’m blowing this “injury” out of proportion?  I hope so because Henry was really making waves over the past month.  I’d hate to see that end.
11. The Big Show – So we’ve got angry Big Show again.  This is the best type of Big Show.  Actually, the best type of Big Show comes in small doses, which is what we got as well.  This Lesnar / Henry / Show triad is not going to be show stopping, especially if it ends up being a Lesnar vs Big Show 20 minute match.  That doesn’t mean it can’t be a good match.  If somehow Lesnar takes on both Big Show and Henry in a fairly quick / powerful match, then I could be sold.
12. Alberto Del Rio – Welcome back ADR.  It’s been a few weeks since we last saw you on TV.  We’ve picked up were we left off.  He’s been feuding with Sin Cara for the past few matches.  They both have the ability to put on strong matches.  There’s not much to say other than they have put on good matches but there doesn’t seem to be a payoff.  I still think that there’s some gold (maybe not gold but enough turquoise stone for a Phillip Rivers bolo tie) to be mined in the “I’m the better Mexican while Sin Cara is the illegal disrespectful unworthy Mexican wrestler?”  Pair him up with Zeb and / or The Real Americans and see if it sticks as a heel role.  It’s not my first choice but it’s something.  It could push the boundaries of insensitive gimmicks but there’s certainly been worse.  Ask any wrestler what’s worse, a slightly racist / bigoted character with a paycheck or a gimmick that is never seen and you’re holding a ticket to the developmental territories?  ADR is too talented of a performer to not have a spot on the roster.  The creative staff has gone too long without developing a character for ADR.
13. The Real Americans w/ Zeb – Give props to Zeb and his signage.  Every good villainous manager needs a prop.  Whether it’s a megaphone, whistle, cane, tennis racket, etc. all evil managers seem to have something.  As usual, Cesaro was the standout performer of The Real Americans.  Luckily we weren’t subjected to watching him swing his opponent around with that stupid move because it was during a commercial break…oh wait!  We were because even though you could “only see this amazing move using the WWE app,” somehow they replayed it during the telecast.  Once again, proving the app to be unnecessary.  This all might change on Wednesday’s new’s conference, see below for my theory.  Back to the wrestlers.  Surprisingly, The Real Americans have stayed around.  They’re serviceable as high end jobbers.  
14. Sin Cara – This guy is about one flip off the top rope from being knocked off the Power Rankings.  His wrestling ability is there (or at least each person who’s worn the Sin Cara mask can wrestle) but at this point, that’s all there is.  He’s a guy in a mask who can put on some cool moves.  If he’s got a comic book about his, it’s got to be one of the most boring comic books.  This guy doesn’t have a bad gimmick or personality, he has NO gimmick or personality.  He’s a show.  He’s a solid in-ring performer.  That’s it.  Fortunately or unfortunately, who ever’s played Sin Cara keeps getting hurt.  The WWE has never had to deal with how they build his character.  It looks like they’re going to have to if they plan on keeping him around.
15. Rey Mysterio – Look, I don’t know how much Mysterio has left in the tank.  I can’t tell if he’s working his way back into wrestling shape or just doing his last lap to thank the fans before he retires.
16. Damien Sandow – Yet another wrestler that seems trapped.  Fortunately, Sandow has the tools to create things out of nowhere.  The well of “I’m smarter than you…” is deep and has been drawn on by wrestlers for 100 years.  I don’t know if it’s an honor to be the guy who has to job to Sargent Slaughter each year but someone has to do it.  I suppose it’s a step up from playing “Evil Santa” a few weeks ago.  As far as the action on RAW, OOOHHHHHH how excited did I get when it was announce we were having a rematch of the Sandow / Khali hostilities! (my goal for the new year is pick a way of conveying sarcasm in text) 
17. Ryback – Didn’t nearly disappoint like Axel did but then again, he only had to talk (which for some can be even more disastrous).  Ryback did an “OK” job on the mic as guest announcer.  He was in character and went along with the program, the problem is that his character sucks.  So do I blame Ryback 100% for being bad?  HE, the man playing Ryback was fine.  It’s the gimmick, or lack there of, that sucks.
18. Curtis Axel – Can you hear that?  It’s the death nails being hammered into the casket of Curtis Axel.  They can literally bury him next to his father.  Too far?  Maybe, now I feel bad.  Notice how I didn’t delete it though…  Mr. Curtis Axel, only you have the power the change my perception.  Ziggler and Sandow loose all the time but they still put on a worthy showing.  Replace Axel with a sack of potatoes and I would be able to tell the difference.  
19. 3MB – I don’t even remember how or why Slater was off the show a week or two ago, which left 3MB as just 2MB.  That’s how little I care.  Do I find it disrespectful that they’re the ones chosen to job to The Old Schoolers (Rikishi and Too Cool)?  NO.  They’re jobbers.  You go out and put over whomever the WWE tells you to.  KCC (Keep Cashing Checks) is the name of the game.  Just the same as I look down on a girl who’ll blow three guys at a random party but I respect a whore who gets paid to blow 20 guys in a day.  “If you’re good at something, never do it for free.” – Joker, TDK
20. Diva’s match – The Bellas vs Oksana / Alicia Fox wasn’t the worst wrestling I’ve ever seen.  These girls are at least trying.  I’ve watched PPV matches where you just know the wrestlers are counting down the seconds until the pin fall.  I can say that Alicia Fox sure does do a lot of high energy flipping when performing her moves.  B-cup-Bella is above average.  Although I have no idea what the purpose for this match was and why we wasted our time with it when there’s wrestlers like Brodus Clay that I want to know what’s happening with?  All I know is that I’ll never get back the 20 minutes of life that I wasted between the Old School six-man tag match and this Divas match.  As I get older, I realize that I don’t have that much time left on this planet to waste on such things.  

Honorable Mentions

Ric Flair – Wooooooooooooooooo!  Greatness.  (Life tip = Just say NO if you find yourself in any sort of financial setting with the Nature Boy.)  Other than that, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  Too bad they didn’t work just a little bit more of the Four Horsemen in when Arn Anderson

Did you hear the rumor Batista was coming back?

Rowdy Roddy “Hot Rod” Piper – A hero to all of us who love the villain.  Now he’s become the king of anti-heroes, the original Walter White of wrestling.  It’s hard for someone who’s made his career being the bad guy, now being cheered by the fans, to keep the back guy persona going.  Luckily we have an up-and-coming slimy heel that could one day be the next great heel in Dean Ambrose.  Ambrose has the greasy hair, the slurred speech and sour puss that is required of all great heels.  It was great to have so many “bad guys” in one ring.  By the end you had Piper, Punk, The New Age Outlaws and The Shield all together.  30 years and counting of great heels.

Batista is coming back.

        My hero, "The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase

Rikishi – Would it have been so hard to figure out a way to put the Usos and Rikishi in the same match?  I know Rikishi was part of an Old School tag match and he was wearing his son’s t-shirt but put the old man out there with his kids.

Did you hear Batista is coming back AND has entered the Royal Rumble?

Scotty 2 Hotty – Dude is ripped!  They said he’s become a firefighter since leaving wrestling.  I can tell you that he was never in such good shape while he was a wrestler.  Good for you Mr. 2 Hotty.  To my recollection, Scotty 2 Hotty was the leader of the WORM dance movement which we now see everyone doing / trying to do.  I can’t tell you how much I hated the worm then and how much I hate the worm now.  Nothing is less attractive than a hot chick trying to do the worm.  No matter how many fires Mr. 2 Hotty puts out or kittens he saves from trees, I’ll never forgive him for being a forefather of The Worm dance is in pop culture.  

Small under announced bit of news came out.  Batista is coming back to the WWE.  I didn’t know if anyone was going to announce it.

Grand Master Sexay – First off, I’m convinced that Jerry “The King” Lawler is a practicer of the dark arts.  Don’t feed me this line of crap, that The King had a stomach virus on the same day that his “son” GM Sexay was to appear on camera.  We all know The Kings affinity for facial reconstruction when he showed up on RAW 2002 with his facelift scars still showing.  Now he’s taken it to a new level.  I’m convinced that he’s transferred his soul / conscience into his next of kin.  The King has found a way to cheat death!  The end of days is nigh!

The Godfather’s new “PG” flock…

Lastly, hot off the presses…Batista is coming back!  And he’s entered into the Royal Rumble!  Shhhhhh, don’t tell anyone. 

Side Note(s)

Will we see the much anticipated Shield vs Wyatt Family battle?  It’s clear the fans want it.  The problem is that both teams are on such opposites sides of the field and on such different planes, I just don’t see how they can get the two of them thrown together, with the right kind of hype, for an epic showdown at WM30?  Stranger things have happened and if the night before WM30 comes and the two teams are thrown into a 6-man tag match, I won’t complain.  But I would like to see a few shows of feuding before that match happens.  If it ever does?

The biggest news, potentially, is this announcement on WWE.com Wednesday.  What will it be?  I don’t know.  I try to stay away from the dirt sheets and rumors as much as possible to keep the Ranking’s pure.  But if I were a betting man, I’d say this will have something to do with either the long rumored WWE channel or a WWE / Netflix-like venture.  A monthly subscription service that will allow you to watch all the various WWE content (which includes all the ECW, WCW and everything else they’ve bought up) and show the smaller PPVs.  This can cut down on the frequency of the PPVs, cut down on the overall cost to fans (the Providers take 50% of the PPV fees) and let the WWE control almost all its content.  I’d still suspect that they’ll have RAW on cable each week because thats how most of the world keeps up with the WWE and I suspect that the major PPVs will still be on standard provider based platforms.  WM, Summer Slam, Royal Rumble and Survivor Series (maybe one or two more) are still big enough draws that you’d want them to be able to reach as many eyes as possible.  Netflix is growing but it still isn’t accessible or is accessed by as many people who have cable or satellite already in their homes and hooked up to their TVs.  They’re bringing in some heavy players on the corporate side and the wrestling side so it will be interesting what this announcement is.  Would I pay for a Netflix-style WWE service for $10-15 per month in lieu of eight PPVs at $40 bucks a pop?  Yup and happily.  Especially if you get all the past content and bonus content and DVD specials.  

And who doesn’t love an appearance by Mean Gene?  It takes me back to Saturday mornings.

Until next week…