WWE Power Rankings, RAW 11-04-2013

Coming at you from Greenville (that’s in South Carolina which is somewhere down the east coast of the country, yeah, I didn’t know either), in what felt like two weeks since we last got together maybe it should have been three.  Instantly there were a few tell-tale signs that we might have a stinker on hand.  First was there was no mention of where the show was originating from (always a bad omen).  Next, you could tell by the crowd shots that they were in what looks to be a converted airplane hanger (nothing wrong with small crowds, but going off the last time the WWE was in such a small arena, we had one of the worst WTF episodes of RAW.).  Next CM Punk came out with the weirdest Squiggy/Eddie Munster hairstyle (not a big deal but it’s a sign that no one is watching over the details).  Instantly we’re shown a clip package from last week’s show.  Aaaaannnnddd here’s were concern sets in.  If the story is not memorable enough that you need to show clips of last week before anyone comes out to speak or wrestle, it’s not a good sign.  This isn’t Me trying to look down on the production, the facts speak for themselves.  I’m fine with a pre-credits “previously on” or during the monologue they want to show clips but every time they shoehorn last weeks story into the beginning of RAW, it’s usually not a good sign.  Of course that’s why they wrestle the matches and do the shoots (to steal a phrase from real sports) but I’ve watched enough wrestling to know when to be worried.  Hopefully I’m wrong, it’s easier to write this based on a good show.  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 11/04/2013…

1. Randy Orton (9) – RKO is the most recent wrestler to be on the wrong side of the WWE promotion machine.  In yet another stupid gimmick whose only purpose is to promote the world’s worst app, RKO came to the ring without knowing who his opponent would be because guess who gets to decide?  We, the unnamed viewers with internet access.  Should the same people who were allowed to vote Ted Cruz into the Senate be allowed to pick who fights the WWE Champion.  I know some will say that one is a farcical title that has lost it’s luster over the years and the people involved are more interested in putting on a show and keeping their job than actually getting a resolution that makes everyone happy, and the other one is who will be the WWE Champion; to which we shouldn’t insult the long history and great tradition of the WWE Championship by letting the unwashed masses decide who the Champ should face.  But these are the times we live in.  Thank god that RKO sold the shit out of his promo.  Classic heel speech!  I loved it and he killed it.  RKO, you are my champion.  Oh, and by the way, good match.  If anyone had doubts about RKO’s wrestling, he can put on a good match with the likes of Daniel Bryan and Big E Langston.  You’d be hard to find two wrestling styles that are on the polar ends of the wrestling spectrum.  
2. CM Punk (13) – The show opener.  Hairstyle choice aside, you can’t go too wrong with Punk as your opener.  Although last week’s rematch of the PPV the night before against Ryback was a bit of a let down, we at least have a new path for Punk.  Punk vs The Wyatt Family.   I can’t say that I see this feud lasting too long on it’s own but my initial thought was to remember that Summer Slam is the next PPV and the Wyatts are heavily marketed for SS.  Maybe before we get to whomever Punk will feud with at WM30, we’re going to get a ‘Series match with The Wyatts VS a group of faces?  I’m down with that.  It’s not Shakespeare but it won’t hurt Punk and it will give the Wyatts the lift that they need to get to the next level.  Punk’s in the unique situation where he can go for any champion or wrestler he wants or if the company needs him to help lift other character’s profile, he can job to them without loosing his status with the crowd.  a few losses isn’t going to hurt Punk especially when even in losses, he puts on great matches.  And Punk needs to get a little dirty.  A little crazy.  So throw him in the swamp of crazy that is The Wyatt Family.  I’m talking myself into this more and more as I go on.  As for the match with Harper of The Wyatts, “They were who we thought they were!” (Denny Green, former NFL coach).  Punk was solid and Harper, who has proven to be more than competent, was stout as the “monster” to Punk’s “underdog” role in the match.  As with most big men, Harper could work on his bump-taking but other than that it was a good match.  Punk being the victor of record but some extracurricular activity went on after the match when the rest of The Wyatts assaulted Punk, which then led to Bryan rushing to Punk’s aid, chair in tow.
3. Daniel Bryan (11) – Continuing along last week’s storyline, Bryan came out to help Punk as the Wyatts predictably attacked Punk after his match with Harper.  Bryan was viciously attacked by The Wyatts and as I touched on with Punk, this could be the beginning of a ‘Series match setup.  I don’t recall if Punk and Bryan have been teamed up together but they’re certainly a good pairing.  They could be the 2013 version of the Super Powers with Bryan as the “vitamin taking, fan favorite, kid friendly, Hogan-esque underdog-hero” and Punk the “bad but cool, goes by his own rules, mark favorite, Savage-esque anti-hero”.  Maybe B-cup-Bella can play the role of Ms. Elizabeth (RIP).  The small crowd in Greenville certainly went ape-shit their pairing.
4. The Wyatt Family (12) –  As I mentioned in Punk’s breakdown, I could have been looking too far ahead.  Survivor Series is later this month and sometimes you have to see what’s in front of you not what’s six months down the line.  For The Wyatt Family to be taken seriously, they've needed to step up their game.  What better pop than to have them take on Punk, Bryan and some other superstar(s) in a Survivor Series match.  Let’s not forget the whole “The devil made me do it.” issue.  I know I’m pushing their ranking but consider at SmackDown they’ll be fighting a very similar match with Bryan and that they’re the lynchpin that’s bringing Punk and Bryan together.  That’s gotta be worth something.
5. Cody Rhodes and Goldust (5) – I almost forgot they were on the show and they probably had the longest match on RAW.  They were very good.  Obviously they gave Cena a boost of energy like I haven’t seen in a while because when the match was over, Cena seemed more excited about the win than the crowd was.  Another case of “who’d you play” because I had Cody and Goldust at #2 but I couldn’t justify it when they’re opponents are the Real Americans. 
6. Alberto Del Rio (15) – The travesty of ADR dropping the World belt to Cena is still sticking in my craw.  There’s no reason for ARD to not be the Champ.  If he had the belt, any belt, his matches would be even better.  I say this after giving his match with Kofi great praise.  The match was terrific.  Kofi is clearly the better athlete but that doesn’t make him the better wrestler.  ADR was just as awesome.  For a run-o-the-mill RAW match, this was awesome.  All I’m saying is, how great would it be if ADR had a belt that Kofi or Ziggler or Sandow could be chasing after?  It would just add so much more to the feud.  Damn you Cena!!!  I’d say he held his own and was fairly entertaining while commentating with Zeb but it was a long match and by the end he was running out of steam.  I’d like to see you wrestle and then turn on the creative side of your brain and do the commentary on someone else’s match while verbally sparing against a manager whose only role is to talk.
7. Kofi Kingston (N/A) – It feels like we haven’t seen much of Kofi for the past month.  Each time he’s been on, he’s been great.  I wish he’d been fighting ADR in a feud for the World belt but hey, I’ll take what I can get.  Did anyone notice that he did a flip over the top rope, completely missed ADR (who was there to pad the fall) and almost landed on his feet and just popped up like it was nothing.  99.9% of the people in the world would have broken at least five bones.  This guy epic fails a move and it actually looks cooler than if he did the move correctly!  Freak athlete.  Great match.
8. Damien Sandow (2) – The Uncrowned Champion, saddled with being paired up with the Real Americans.  In one of the strangest groupings, there wasn’t much room for Sandow to shine.  He started off with a solid promo but it was interrupted by the Real Americans.  That was the theme that was carried into the match.  Sandow was doing fine but he was smushed in with the Real Americans which took away from any real run he could have had at Cena.  You’re starting to see the makings of what would be the various “teams” if the WWE pushes this out to the Survivor Series.  If that’s the ultimate destination then this all makes sense.  At the very least we’re getting set up for a 3-way match between Cena, Sandow, and ADR which is fine with me.
9. Big E Langston (6) – Nothing against Big E, I really like him, but there’s no way in hell he gets 75% of the vote to face RKO.  That’s like when Saddam Hussein gets 110% of the votes cast when he ran for president of Iraq.  But Ok, if Big E “Lebron” Langston wants to talcum powder and lion print his way to the ring to take on RKO, I'm down for it, alls I’m saying is that the vote is BS.  Big E proved that he’s more than capable of putting on a compelling wrestling match.  For a powerhouse he’s got enough agility to be more than just a guy who can perform one or two suplexes.  How about this comparison, he’s TAZ 2.0?  Obviously he was going to loose but he didn’t hurt his Q rating at all.  If anything, this match solidified that Big E has staying power and should be a threat in the WWE universe.    
10. The Usos (4) – I hate to bump down the Usos because they did nothing wrong.  Like the hated BCS college football ranking system, strength of schedule matters.  While a well performed win by the Usos, it was against 3MB.  They needed to run up the score if they were going to keep such a high ranking from last week.  The problem was that they only got a few minutes to perform (god forbid we take time away from a Los Matadores bit).  Sorry for the drop but keep doing your Samoan-thing and you’ll be back up the list.  
11. The Shield (1) – It took 2 hours, 56 minutes to get a Shield sighting.  I thought for sure I’d have to put them in the Honorable Mentions just to point out they were not forgotten.  Hell, I wouldn’t begrudge them because they seem to have worked every show for the last year.  I’m sure they could use a week off.  I’ve got to drop them because it was a packed show with a lot going on and like the Usos, the quality of their opponents, or lack there of, is the main reason for them being dropped. 
12. HHH and Stephanie (8) – Oh my, just when I thought we were going to have an off night from the King of Kings and the WWE Princess…SHOTS FIRED, SHOTS FIRED!  It took 2 hours and 11 minutes to get the first non-taped words from these two but they delivered.  Just as an ace pitcher saves his splitter for the final strike, Stephanie waited for HHH to rant and rave and then threw a nasty splitter that just made HHH look like a fool for trying to swing.  “You’ve never complained about taking McMahon money before?!?!”  SHOTS FIRED.  Some will say that they’re planting seeds of a McMahon corporate split but I think they just like to troll the fans.  In fact I know they like trolling the fans.  You can almost see them saying, “You know what will get the crowd at home worked up…”  Certainly they knew they had the Korporate Kane bullet locked and loaded to surprise us all.  Kane looked like a deranged used car salesman.  We now have the “Authority’s” Survivor Series team or grouping if they wanted to (and I really hope it doesn’t get any bigger, this is perfect) The Shield, Korporate Kane and RKO.  That’s a tough team to beat.  Oh yeah, and HHH is the ring leader!  All of this and the confrontation with the Big Show happened in the last 10 minutes of the show.  Talk about squeezing in under the wire.
13. The Big Show (10) – First off, nice suit big man.  No jokes.  If you think it’s easy to be 7 feet+, between 400-500 lbs and find a suit that makes you look like a normal human than you’re the same kind of stupid that thinks to cook moonshine you just need a little water, yeast, corn, a copper bucket and a bath tub; both things are a lot harder to do than you could imagine.  To then see it ripped from his body, I’m sure that was the biggest disappointment of Show’s night.  You can always heal from an ass kicking but finding clothes that fit, that’s almost impossible.  On the plus side (no pun intended) he got his job back and his title match at ‘Series.  I can only imagine it’s going to be hell for him the next few weeks leading up to that match.  On a side note for The Big Show, tonight’s RAW is why he’s so hard to book.  It’s not because he’s a “monster” it’s because deep down he’s a gentle and funny giant.  He shines when doing comedic or emotional acting.  He’s not a mean guy and from all accounts he’s the same backstage.  He’s always seemed to be more comfortable laughing or crying than he’s ever been at being a ravenous rage monster hell bent on destruction.  If anyone had the foresight to cast him on a TV show or movie as a regular person that just happens to be gigantic, he’s exceed all expectations.  You almost feel sorry for him because being the size he is puts him in a box.  It’s like when you see are really tall black guy.  First thing that comes to mind is, “I bet he played basketball.”  Yet another fascinating person that I’d love to interview.  
14. John Cena (3) – Love him or hate him, Cena IS the Face of the WWE.  When it comes to doing all the stuff The Face of the WWE is supposed to do, there’s no one better.  Is there anyone better at OR is there anyone that the fans would put up with breaking character to literally make an announcement regarding the Susan G Komen charity?  Nope.  He’s the man.  Now let’s transition back to the show.  I’m almost over the insanity of Cena winning the World strap from ADR on his first appearance back on WWE airwaves.  Whether Cena will be a part of a ‘Series match or just a 3-way I’m OK with it.  Cena / Sandow / ADR should be a great match.  If Cena is your least talented wrestler, you’re fine because as we’ve discussed Cena is like water and will find his level.  If Sandow and ADR are carrying the match, Cena will rise to the occasion and compliment them nicely.  If there’s any justice he’ll loose.   
15. Dolph Ziggler (N/A) – With no buildup or story that would lead up to his match against Curtis Axel, Ziggler did what he always does…put over his fellow wrestler.  If you were to watch just this match, you’d think Axel has a dropkick that could literally decapitate you.  Ziggler has to be the most underrated and underused wrestler.  I hate to sound like a broken record.  It was nice to see Ziggler finally get a win but 1) it was against Axel which isn’t saying much and 2) the intercontinental belt wasn’t up for grabs.  It can be said that Axel has degraded the IC belt so much that you don’t want to win it.  Winning the IC belt would be a step back for someone like Ziggler.  My point would be that people are dumb and given time they forget the past.  Sure, it would be a step back for Ziggler to win THIS IC belt but given time and enough quality matches, he’s bring up the level of the IC belt.  Do we look at the WWE title and say, Oh well the Miz was once the WWE champ so being the WWE champ is meaningless?  No.  It just means that some champs are better and more worthy than others.  The IC belt is doing nothing on / for Axel so give it to someone who will do something with it.  We get caught up in what things mean today but forget that time and events change the meaning of almost everything.
16. Heyman (N/A) – Never has anyone done so much with so little (other than Santino, SAN-TIN-OOOOOO.  I’m going for it like Charles Barkley screaming Ginobili).  He’s not in the arena.  There’s not even video of him.  Just a phone call and about 90 seconds.  If you don’t enjoy Heyman or if you want more out of him, then you don’t understand great wrestling shoots or the brevity of wit.  You could argue my 4,000+ word Power Rankings spit in the face of brevity, but I do understand greatness when I see / hear it.  From the absurdity of his injuries to him being in Europe for treatment (he must be on the Kobe health care plan) to the Israeli doctor to his use of his family to his crying and even to his abrupt hang-up, it was so perfect.  A second longer and the shoot would have been stupid.  Heyman is great.  How’s that for brevity.  
17. Real Americans w/ Zeb (18) – The Real Americans are nothing and we can passover them like a Jewish holiday.  Once Cesaro escapes this gimmick I’ll be more than happy to spend time talking about him because I think he’s got the skills to do something.  Otherwise the only interesting aspect of this group is Zeb.  As a character he’s racially and morally reprehensible and the caricature of all that’s evil with the Tea Party.  But he’s also become the only thing interesting about the Real Americans.  I’m stuck watching / listening to see what he does / says next.  When handled correctly and not taken seriously, he can be funny.  The problem is that people take him seriously and don’t see him as caricature.  It’s like watching Fox News.  You flip the channel to see what they’re talking about and within minutes you’re screaming at the TV because you can’t imagine people having these opinions let alone having a “news” network AND it getting such high ratings.  I enjoyed Zeb and ADR’s banter (another proof of ADR’s potential in and out of the ring).  I found it funny how Michael Cole got Zeb to agree with ADR about something.  Most amazingly I found it hilarious that Zeb and I agreed that it was preposterous that Cena gets to come back and immediately challenge (and win) the World title from ADR.  At some point I’ll have to give Zeb and the WWE credit for playing with my head and emotions, but today will not be that day.  These goofballs can stay at the bottom of the Power Rankings. 
18. Curtis Axel (N/A) – Wow!  Look mom, a Curtis Axel sighting.  Axel should send half his paycheck this week and a thank you note saying, “Dear Mr. Ziggler.  Thank you, sir, for putting me over and making me look competent in the ring.  Even in defeat, you made me look twice as good as I actually am.  Thank the lord, Vincent K McMahon, for letting me keep the IC belt another week.  It was a pleasure working with you and you’ve shown me what it means to be a true professional wrestler.  I hope to work on my skills enough so that next time we perform, I can hold up my end of the match.  Thanks again, Sincerely Curtis Axel.”  My crystal ball tells me that it will not be long before Mr. Axel is not IC champion.  Yes, I know it’s not much of a limb that I’m venturing out on.
19. 3MB (19) – Jobbin’ like this is an art.  At this point it seems that 3MB are under the belief if they tank enough they’ll get the first pick in next years NBA draft and can recruit Andrew Wiggins onto their team.  It can’t be easy being the Washington Generals of the WWE.  I hope that they are making a decent living.   
20. Los Matadores (20) – I now know two things, 1) the WWE owes me 5 minutes of life that I wasted watching this horrible team and their stupid promo, and 2) Diego is the circumcised masked hombres.  Let’s just say they’re pants were a little too tight and a little to satin-y for my tastes (that came out wrong…no wait, THAT came out wrong too…forget it.  I’m not gay but I can see your damn cock for god sakes.).  Thank god a midget bull came running in and tried to seduce (?) Renee Young with his horns.  What am I saying?  I’m down for some freaky stuff but this may be too much for me.

Honorable Mentions

Korporate Kane – Basically see HHH and Stephanie’s ranking because he didn’t do anything.  He was a surprise and a complete shocker wearing regular clothes for the first time in 15+ years.  He’s so creepy looking normal that you realized, he’s less scary with a mask, fake hair and in full costume.  

SAN-TIN-OOOOOOO – It’s unfortunate that he only has a few lines.  It’s also unfortunate that he seems doomed to forever be a joke in the WWE and never get a real run at anything.  He delivers my favorite line, “we both know I don’t eat carbs after 6, Ryback.”

Ryback – This was a last minute demotion to the HM list.  The show was too packed to keep him in the top 20.  You almost have to feel sorry for Ryback at this very moment.  Just this weekend a big scandal broke in the NFL regarding bullying and a Miami Dophin player.  There couldn’t be a worse time, socially, for Ryback to have a run based on being a bully.  Then again…maybe it’s the perfect time.  As touched on, the WWE doesn’t do sedulity well.  But the fight against bullying is huge right now.  It’s one of the things the WWE speaks out against as a company.  This is not a time to tippy-toe around a subject.  Take it head on and make Ryback be the ultimate bully so that he can get his ass kicked and everyone can have a cathartic resolution and teach the kids not to bully.  ‘Course the real lesson could be, do a bunch of steroids and get to be jacked like a brick house and no one will mess with you.  Either way, it gives Ryback something to do.  I wasn’t sure what his next move was going to be.  He should be grateful that he now has a direction.  Also, the person to put an end to his reign of bullying will get a big pop so it will probably be a high ranking Superstar.  This will keep him in the spotlight. 

David Otunga and the Law – The breakdown of The Big Show’s lawsuit against the WWE was great.  I’m sure every lawyer will say that this was just some stupid wrestling show gimmick, but we can all think of a news story that had to do with some sleazy lawyer-ese suit or attorney spin that was more ridiculous than “Discrimination in the Workplace for Gigantism.”

AJ / Snuka / Oksana vs Bellas / Eva Marie – Oh, thank the lord Total Divas is back on air this weekend.  I can’t remember if I’ve told you all how much I loathe that show?  Well let me start with a 5,000 word essay…You know, even if I was able to write a coherent essay on how much I hated but still was drawn to watching Total Divas (like a moth to a bug zapper) I wouldn’t want to be responsible for anyone else committing suicide.  I have noticed one thing, which I’m almost reluctant to admit, but is it just me or has B-cup-Bella gotten a little nastier in the ring?  Maybe she’s been practicing with Bryan too much because she has that same high motor with a drop of twisted metal wedged in there.  All this while D-cup-Bella looks to have taken on some of Cena’s lumbering moves.  Maybe it’s in the semen or maybe it’s in the sweat but both’s significant others wrestling styles are rubbing off.  And yet another waste of AJ’s talents.  After a handful of good matches and a killer shoot, I hope all the WWE was waiting for was the return of this reality show.  AJ’s “pipe bomb” promo happened right at the end of the first run of the Total Divas show.  It would make sense to put off that feud until the show was back on and you had more fans of Total Divas tuned into RAW.  Fingers crossed. 

Fandango and Summer Rae vs TeeJay (Tyson Kidd) and Natalya – It’s unfortunate that a possibly interesting match between Fandango and Tyson Kidd was obstructed by the inclusion of Natalya and Summer Rae.  Oh wait, I didn’t know that Summer Rae was an expert at Words with Friends.  Well, that changes my whole outlook on chick wrestlers, I mean Divas.  Look, if we’re not talking about AJ, this is the only good that any of the Divas have done lately.  Thank you Jimmy Kimmel and staff for finding a way to make the Bellas entertaining.  Too bad the “E” in WWE doesn’t extend to the Divas.

Side Note(s)

If I was listening correctly, I believe the announcers stated that Cena was now a 14 time champion which put him in second place of all time championship reigns.  Not only is this the most insulting fact but also doubles down on the ludicrous notion that the World belt and the WWE belt are the same thing.  I know Cena hasn’t won the World title 13 other times.  This isn’t a Cena bashing, it’s a WWE corporate bashing.  The thing that I’ve enjoyed recently is that belts haven’t been switching hands every other week.  Cena is in the generation of wrestlers that had the belts hopping from waist to waist.  The WWE is really doing both belts, and all the former champions for each title, a disservice if they’re going to lump those “wins” together.  It’s the bastardization of what / who a Champion is.

Until next week…

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 10-28-2013

Coming at you from Orlando, coming off of a so-so Hell in the Cell PPV Wrestlemania season has started.  While the “road to WM” starts at Royal Rumble, tonight’s RAW is generally the beginning to all the story lines that will lead up to conclusion at Wrestlemania.  

Quickly, regarding Hell in the Cell…The PPV was OK.  My “crew” got together but since it wasn’t a major PPV we didn’t have all hands on deck, which was appropriate for the type of show it turned out to be.  A long forgotten member of our “crew” (gotta think of a better name) made a return, which was far more interesting and exciting that half the matches on the actual PPV.  I believe at one point we fast forwarded through about 45 minutes and almost everyone needed coffee to get home.  The opener was a fast and hard tag match which predictably saw the Rhodes Family keep the title.  That might have been the match of the night.  The two Hell in the Cell matches were a let down overall.  While CM Punk vs Heyman brought conclusion (I hope) to their feud, the match was weak and mostly consisted of Punk vs Ryback and then once that was finished, an innocuous beating of Heyman on the top of the Cell structure ended the match.  The other HitC match that took place between RKO / Bryan / HHH / HBK was fairly predictable in it’s twists and turns.  Performance-wise it was a good match.  As discussed in previous posts, a blind man would have seen HBK’s interference coming.  It was just a matter of which way he was going to swing the match.  As you’ll see below HBK ended up “doing what’s best for business” and falling in step with HHH & Stephanie’s wishes.  The only semi surprise, again if you’ve been reading, was that Cena cleanly won the World strap from ADR.  It wasn’t so surprising that he might have won as much as how he won cleanly and then left as the champ.  I was certain that if he had won, something like Sandow cashing in his MitB shot or something or someone would have made it a controversial win.  Overall, if you want a score, I’d give it a 2 out of 5 stars overall but the first and last matches were very good.  There were some glaring omissions in lieu of substandard performers who made it on the card.  As we’ll get into, the likes of Kofi and Ziggler weren’t on the card but Khali / Hornswaggle (sans Santino.  I repeat sans SANTINO!), Los Matadores, El Torito and the All American crew all had major time on the PPV.  

With Hell in the Cell over and the chessboard set, the next PPV is a big one.  Survivor Series is in a few weeks and while I was disappointed in the results and who was on the HitC Card, we could be set up for a great Survivor Series (which hasn’t been said in a long time) where we could actually have some true Survivor Series matches.  Usually you can expect a solid show coming off of a PPV, so with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 10/28/2013…

1. The Shield (1&2) – Old. School. Promo.  You don’t need to reinvent the wheel each week.  Wrestling has been around for decades and a staple is the solo / group shoot to the camera backstage.  You see these mostly on smaller shows (like TNA or independents) because they’re cheap and easy to make.  But to do a good one, that’s old school and it’s still awesome.  It’s the classic way that wrestlers could set up a match that hasn’t had months of airtime to prep an audience or in the “territory days” it would be an easy way to tell anyone new to the program what the backstory to the match was.  The Shield did a great backstage shoot and then immediately went on to a match between Ambrose vs Big E.  Predictably the match went outside the ring where the rest of The Shield was was there to pound Big E.  Did Ambrose get disqualified, sure.  Did the Usos come out to help Big E and take on the Rollins and Reigns, you know they did.  Did Brad Maddox come out and give the crowd what they wanted, a 6-man tag?  Fuck Yeah!  Was it awesome?  They’re not #1 on the Power Rankings for ‘nothing.
2. Damien Sandow (N/A) – Talk about someone being back.  Sandow is back on RAW.  He’s a worthy heel for a returning Cena.  This arc will probably take place on Smackdown more than RAW but it’s exciting nonetheless.  Sandow has played the “intelligent” wrestler card better than almost anyone and he’s been vastly underused.  I was getting tired of trying to figure out the ways he (and his MitB case) was going to get to the championship but now we’ve seen him hop-skip-and-jump right over to the main event.  For an opening match on RAW, Cena and Sandow put on a fabulous match.  Sandow lost his MitB title shot but somehow I hope and expect him to be very much in the mix for the World belt.  When you get a “this is awesome” chant by the crowd, you’re almost assured to get more TV time.  I’m sure Sandow will utilize all his intelligence (and the WWE’s creative staff) to find some fine print to allow him to keep his MitB chance.  Just a guess. 
3. John Cena (N/A) – Love him or hate him, he does make the crowd pop.  Yes, he’s back.  For some reason he felt compelled to explain the purpose of doctors and the chemistry of making ice.  There was an awkward moment about how JBL was the inspiration for Cena’s quick comeback because of disparaging remarks that JBL had been making.  Frankly I couldn’t remember this being an issue and if it was, JBL was just doing the commentary that the show’s writers gave him.  Cena does know that this is all scripted, right?  At least we got an explanation for the reason that Cena won the World belt and the direction his character will be going.  I gather he’ll be more of a presence on Smackdown and thus necessitated winning the championship.  It didn’t make much sense but clearly Cena was pumped up to be back in front of a live crowd and on the mic.  I’ll let him off easy this week because when you’re on the top of the mountain and the actual “face of the company” it must be intoxicating to come out each week.  He’s back and you can see the love he has for the business, sooooo…whatever, let him have his fun.  If it were up to me, I’d probably use Cena differently but if he’s going to bring life to and shake up the 2nd tier of wrestlers that I keep harping need a push / direction (i.e. Kofi, Ziggler, *Sandow*, ADR, Mark Henry, Sheamus, Miz, Cesaro, etc.) I’m all for it.  With Cena being so polarizing, he can take on heels or faces.  My only concern is how long Cena (or the WWE brass) will allow him to toil in the minors when they ultimately want him going for the WWE championship, which I’d assume would be by Wrestlemania?  That’s a long time off so we just have to watch.  Along with rehabbing his elbow, Cena must have also worked on his match skills.  As much as it pains me, he and Sandow put on a great match.  Cena’s not a horrible wrestler like Hulk Hogan is / was, it’s just that he’s not on the list of guys you know will put on a good match.  If he gets in the ring with Sandow or Kofi or Ziggler, he’s more than capable of working with them to put on a good show.
4. The Usos (7) – These guys are the break out surprise of the past year.  They’re part of the Samoan lineage and have prominent roles on Total Divas, so it would have been easy to say they were going to get an underserved push.  To their credit, the Usos have been awesome every time they get a chance.  I can’t think of once in the last few months where they’ve disappointed.  Better than that, they’re participation in any match has usually been the highlight.   
5. Goldust and Cody Rhodes (8) – I’m convinced of two things, the Rhodes are going to have some great tag matches and then they’re going to breakup and feud at WM30.  How, when and why is all up to the WWE but that’s how I see the next six months going for these guys.  All of which is fine because Goldust and Cody (and Dusty) have been awesome. 
6. Big E Langston (15) – I know, I was just as surprised to see Big E this high when putting everyone in order, as you are to seeing him this high on the list.  One of the few mid-card matches on the PPV that was worth mentioning, Big E / Ambrose was a quality match with resulted in both men needing stitches (and not on purpose).  While it started out to be a rematch of last night’s PPV match, things escalated quickly.  When he was included in the 6-man tag, he lost some of his individual shine but that’s fine.  Big E has made a splash and he’s hot like Christopher Wallace in the 90’s. (I can’t tell if 1) anyone will get that or 2) if it was lame or not?  I’ll cross my fingers and let my dear readers let me know.)
7. Shawn HBK Michaels (5) – This is the big question.  Not only did Bryan want answers but We did as well regarding what HBK is up to?  There are many things that can be said about HBK and his antics in and out of the ring over the years, in front of the camera and behind the scenes.  There’s no debate that he’s on the short list of “GOAT”.  Where he’s sometimes lacked has been his shoots & promos, but not tonight.  He was great and he was able to deadpan the script while working the audience into a fevered pitch.  Now he has two generations of fans screaming, “You Screwed Brett” and now “You Screwed Bryan.”  So what does this mean?  Do we get one last run from HBK so that he can get an HOF final match like Flair?  Tradition tells us that when a wrestler finally retires, he gives a worthy opponent of the next generation the win.  Is Daniel Bryan that guy?  Will we get one more run from HBK?  Not many answers were given but if we’re headed for something at WM30, this is a great start.  Or HBK could be back on his ranch shooting deer instead of promos within a week?  This is why I love wrestling.   
8. HHH and Stephanie (4) – Between HHH’s rant / presentation of RKO and Stephanie’s procurement of a “the monster Kane” (a valuable tool for sure), it was a productive night for the power duo.  It wasn’t their best night or most impactful but we do see the tracks begin laid.  I’m was a little surprised because I heard that Vince McMahon was going to make an appearance and that he would be the reason The Big Show has been able to get into the areas and cause all the trouble he has, having been fired and banned in all. But alas, he didn’t make an appearance.  The idea for Vince to run up against HHH and Stephanie is appealing but if it doesn’t happen I’m not going to be depressed.  They’ve got a lot going on and whose to say Vince doesn’t show up next week?  HBK, HHH, Stephanie, Bryan and RKO are all lumped together because of plot and relative lack of use this week but that doesn’t diminish their future rolls.  It also goes to show, HHH and Stephanie are just as committed to the rest of the crew because they could have very easily taken up most of the show with this main plot line.  instead they went out, sprinkled their plot throughout the show and let some of the other stories find their footing.  Now whether or not I care about Los Matadores solidifying their story or not is a different debate all together.  
9. Randy Orton (3) – After Hell in the Cell, RKO is officially the WWE champ and “face of the WWE.”  No matter how he came to be the Champ, he sure does carry himself as the prick you’d expect him to be as the pre-ordained “face of the WWE” that HHH and Stephanie had picked.  Aside from a few tweaks that gave him some charm while being a prick a number of years ago, this is the best that RKO has ever been.  It’s too bad we wasted so much time with Diva matches and Real Americans because there wasn’t much for RKO to do than to say a few incendiary words to the rest of the roster and then get knocked out by The Big Show.  Again, I have to point out this is just the beginning of what looks to be a long run.  Patience is virtue.
10. The Big Show (14) – He’s the least likable part of the main storyline but as I’ve said, he’s best served in small doses.  His lawsuit storyline is weak but maybe it makes room for Vince to enter?  Who knows.  As long as it’s not The Big Show hour, I’m fine with letting this breath to see where it goes.
11. Daniel Bryan (6) – Even though one could say he’s the centerpiece of the show (he and RKO comprise the main storyline), he said nothing, perform a few moves on HBK and get beaten up by The Wyatt Family.  All the members of the the main story took a hit today because of the short amount of time they had on screen. 
12. The Wyatt Family (12) – After a poor performance at the PPV, I was ready to give in to everyone telling me that I was wrong about the Wyatts.  Sure, they barely wrestle and may have the record for most go-nowhere shoots.  Bray Wyatt, in particular, has done nothing to deserve any mention but luckily I’ve heard that he has been hurt which is some consolation to their lack of direction.  Just as I was about to drop them to the bottom, they destroyed Bryan backstage.  It made no sense and had nothing to do with any story line that either wrestler is in but Bray kicked the crap out of Bryan.  Then they inexplicably attacked Punk.  Well, OK, now we have something.  Who wouldn’t want to see Punk and Bryan team up against the Wyatts?  I don’t see how this all shakes out but at this point I don’t care.  It lets me justify them staying in the upper-mid tier of the Power Rankings.  I’m sure we’ll soon find out the meaning of “The devil made me do it.”  Unfortunately The Wyatts leave more story lines hanging than chads on a Florida voting ballot (Anyone up for political references from 2000?  RAW is in Orlando, Florida so there is a method to my madness.  It’s no more dumb than when Wyatt lights the lantern just to blow it out, then brings an electric lantern into the arena.).  
13. CM Punk (9) – Really?  Ryback?  Still?  Again?  I thought we were going to move on.  I don’t care what stipulation the fans choose for the match, I just want Punk to be able to move on.  I assumed we got conclusion at HitC but maybe that was just for the Heyman part.  Luckily it seems we’re now done with Punk vs Ryback, finally.  Earlier in the show, the Wyatt Family attacked Daniel Bryan out of nowhere.  Then they did it again with Punk.  With Punk seemingly done with the Heyman & Associates, throwing The Wyatts at Punk is interesting.  I was thinking they’d stay within the tag or bottom feeder ranks to find opponents but a run against Punk and a possible Punk / Bryan team-up could be interesting.  Although Bryan seems to have a direction with HBK, HHH, RKO, etc.  Therefore I wouldn’t count on Bryan being apart of any long term Punk / Wyatt feud.  Really, I don’t see Punk feuding with the Wyatts either but I can always wish.  It’s all going to depend on who this “devil” is that’s directing The Wyatt Family?  This is one of the many resets that we’re getting into.  Remember, this is the first week of storytelling that will conclude six months from now.  Other than a possible few bullet points, nothing is set in stone.
14. Kane (N/A) – I’m sure this is some mental illness of my own, but when I see Kane’s mask not fit properly, for the second night in a row, it drives me insane.  So insane I just want to set fire to my family’s house and kill them all, including my brother who would become the Undertaker… What could Kane possibly say to Stephanie McMahon other than “Thank you for putting me in See No Evil 2 and allowing me to take a three month break from rolling around the ring four nights a week.”  Low and behold, that’s basically what Kane did.  I thought he’d come back in a tie-in with the Wyatts but instead he’s now a servant to the Princess of Wrestling.  Interesting.  Intriguing.  I want to see where this goes. 
15. Alberto Del Rio (8) – Chalk it to the “Maldecir del Cena" but have you seen someone’s wind get taken away from them so quickly?  He was riding high as World champ and had a handful of potentially great feuds in front of him.  Granted, ADR’s gimmick wasn’t the best and the WWE was having a hard time finding the right opponent, short-term plan and path for Sandow to cash in his MitB match but these things could have been fixed while he was still wearing the championship belt.  Hopefully the crowbar-ing of Cena will mix things up and allow ADR to make the proper adjustments to regain the belt and / or find the right feud(s) to lead into WM30.  He’s an excellent wrestler and his heel gimmick is so close to being great.  The evil hispanic feel cheap and too 80’s.  But a modern day Tony Montana could be interesting.  I hope this leads to a short title run by Cena, a few good matches and a better / stronger heel gimmick for ADR to be unleashed on rest of the WWE universe (who better than Cena to push ADR into a darker heel?).  Then I’ll be satisfied with everything that’s gone down with ADR these last few days.  Otherwise, the WWE will have just buried one of their top guys in a matter of days.
16. Brad Maddox (N/A) – OK, Brad.  You’ve been lurking in Honorable Mentions and have had significant roles in recent RAW episodes.  But if you’re going to come out, prolong what was sure to be a great match between Big E vs Ambrose and then make it into a 6-man tag match…well my friend, welcome to the Power Ranking list.  See, it’s not hard to make it on the list.  Just do something to service the fans.  Is anyone going to be upset about a Shield vs Big E / Usos match?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.  Thank you, sir.
17. The Miz (13) – Let’s give credit where credit is due.  Miz knew he was going out there to job for 60 seconds.  He gave it his all and played it off as if he wasn’t a step above 3MB.  I’m hoping there’s a bigger / better plan for Miz.  I’m a fan.  Unfortunately, right now he’s not going anywhere.  On the up side, he’s banging Maryse, cashing checks and doesn’t have to do MTV’s the Challenge.  You can’t say he’s living a bad life.  
18. The Real Americans w/ Zeb (18) – It’s beyond my comprehension that this crew gets any kind of crowd support.  They’re clearly heels in the tradition of Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff.  What baffles me is that entire arenas will chant their stupid sayings go along with the gimmick.  Their wrestling is fair but nothing great.  I’d rank them at the bottom in comparison to the current tag teams.  For Christ’s sake, they’re in a match against the Champs, Cody and Goldust, when teams like the Primetime Players can only get a minute to sell t-shirts.  What is the goal / purpose of this group?  If they’re going to go full out racist heel, then do it and let some faces beat the crap out of them.  Otherwise they’re just wasting time that other people could be using.
19. 3MB (20) – I’m going to petition to change their name to KCC “Keep Cashing Checks” because that’s all they’re doing.  There has to be some serious soul searching when you go home at night and know that you’ve jobbed to a couple of buffoons dressed up as nipples and a midget bull-man-thing.  I hope WWE takes away their belts and shoelaces before locking them in their rooms as night.  It would not look good if one morning local newspapers had pictures of each member of 3MB swinging from the shower curtain bar or some Motel 6 closet.  I can’t even give them credit for the large fishing net they brought to the ring, although I did crack the smallest of grins when JBL called it a little bull catcher.
20. Los Matadores (N/A) – They were part of the “time to eat and go to bathroom” portion of the PPV last night.  Their handful of solid tag team moves will never win me over to the ridiculousness of this gimmick.  El Torito is god awful.  Can someone explain why their match with 3MB was a 2-on-3 handicap match?  El Torito is possibly the most talented of the Los Matadores group so why is it unacceptable that he fights in a 6-man tag?  It’s discrimination and I want the ACLU to investigate and serve a cease and desist order on the WWE’s use of Los Matadores and El Torito.

Honorable Mentions

komen.org – We conclude cancer awareness month with this week’s RAW.  Is it me or does it seem that we’ve been wearing pink shirts and having pink ropes and pink bows for about three months?  In all seriousness, it’s been a good thing and the WWE should be commended for the amount of time and money they’ve put toward awareness and donations to fighting cancer.

Primetime Players – If they want to be the next “pitchmen” for the WWE, they’re leaps and bounds behind R-Truth.  Besides, the Primetime Players are a very good tag team and we’re heading into a great tag era (fingers crossed).  Just as with R-Truth, this was a good way to hawk some merch and keep them in the forefront of the viewers minds.  

David Otunga AKA Mr. Jennifer Hudson – I forgot he was still part of the WWE lineup.  I’ve always like him.  Maybe it’s his rippling musculature or his Harvard intellect, either way he’s another guy that I give credit to for cashing checks.  There was always a charm to him being the assistant to whomever was the GM.  Now he’s taken on the role of resident attorney.  He read his lines.  The script / “complaint” was funny and shed some light to what will be the direction / actions Big Show will be taking.

AJ Lee & Tamina Snuka / The Bellas – Let’s face it, AJ is the only reason this group is on the list.  We’ve never really been told why Snuka and AJ are together and frankly, I don’t care.  AJ got two seconds of in-ring action to put on her finishing move.  I’m tired of writing about this already and I’ll save my strength for something else…

Divas Match part du – It’s amazing that with about 30 minutes left on the show, the WWE decides to put on a second divas match between Summer Rae and Natalya.  I know they want to promote Total Divas coming back soon but couldn’t this have been included in the first Divas match?  Give it up to Fandango for being the “valet” this time.  Summer had an interesting and unexpected mean streak come out.  Maybe if Summer and ‘Fan come out as the silly duo but can turn on the evil switch, maybe they have some possibilities together long term?  (Did I really just say that?  Jesus, I must be tired or getting sick?)  It gives me hope that everyone knows this is a stupid gimmick, which only then makes it tolerable.  What truly saddens me (and I’ve never hoped for an injury this much before) is that Santino has been replaced by Natalya in the motley crew of Hornswaggle and Khali.  It is dark days for Santino and this Santino fan.  Viva la Italia.  Viva Santino!

Side Note(s)

If you say something can only be seen “exclusively” on the WWE and then show it on the RAW live TV show, then it’s not exclusive!  The WWE app sucks and doesn’t work.  Can we just move on?  Figure out a better use of the app.  Starting with making it work.

Yet again we get another tutorial on how to install the WWE app to our phone.  They’re treating us like you would your grandparents when they got their first smartphone.  Let’s look at it another way, if you’re too stupid not to know how to install a free app on your phone, how in the hell are you supposed to navigate the app once you install it?  Please WWE, stop.  Spend this time and money on making a decent app.  I assure you, we’ll figure out how to use it.  I’ve never seen a demonstration on how to download Angry Birds but every five year old seems to know how to use and play that app.  Besides, how do you think you get all your wrestlers “trending” on twitter if people don’t know how to download an app!?    

Until next week…

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 10-21-2013

Coming at you from Memphis, I’m just now coming out from morning my beloved Dodgers loss last Friday to eliminate them from the playoffs.  I’ve pulled myself together.  Cleared out the empty liquor bottles and ice cream tubs so that I can deliver you my highly anticipated Power Rankings.  I do it all for the people...no need to thank me.  With Hell in the Cell coming up on Sunday this show is either going to be a complete WTF show or a solid primer to the PPV.  Hell in the Cell has given us some great matches over the years (this being the 15 year anniversary of the ‘Taker / Mankind match, see Side Notes for more) I hope this PPV will be will be great.  It should have many resolutions because we’re weeks away from the Survivor Series PPV.  In a story sense, Survivor Series is the kickoff to the Royal Rumble in January, which is the start of the Road to Wrestlemania.  That makes this a pre-show to the pre-show to the run up to the biggest show of the year.  Confused?  Well, don’t be.  It just means that this is when current story lines usually wrap up and new ones will start so that they can conclude at the Superbowl of wrestling, Wrestlemania.  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 10/21/2013...

1. Dean Ambrose (1 of 3 Shield-ers) (2) – This statement might make you think I’m crazy but Ambrose out wrestled Bryan!  Yes, Yes, Yes I said it.  It was a little sloppy before the first TV break but once they got back the two put on a good match which Ambrose was the better performer.
2. Reigns and Rollins (2 of 3 Shield-ers) (2) – For two weeks in a row, The Shield has main event’d Raw.  Each being fantastic matches.  The Shield was separated this week because Ambrose also had a match to defend his US belt.  All three were on hand for the Main Event (BTW, Ambrose’s match was the opener.  The open and the main are probably the 2 biggest matches of any card and the Shield were in both and both were solid at the very least, absorb that info however you’d like.)  
3. Randy Orton (3) – I don’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse for RKO to go against Ziggler.  The curse part is that these two could have a great feud and by putting on a solid match, which they did, it could take away the anticipation for the RKO / Bryan match.  Just the same as the Bryan / Ambrose match made you realize there are some untapped feuds that the WWE could easily put together.  The blessing is for the fans.  It gave a glimmer of what the future could hold for RKO if he doesn’t win his match at HitC.  Even if RKO looses at HitC, and subsequently wasn’t involved with the WWE strap which I find it hard to believe he wouldn’t continue to be involved with that story, he could easily find a feud with Ziggler.  I’m sure I’m just high off of huffing glue to assume that these two have a future but I’d love to see a RKO / Ziggler feud.  It would reinforce that RKO can wrestle and let’s not forget, that’s a big part of this thing we call the WWE.  As much as I like story, if you can’t wrestle you’re not going to make if far (unless you’re Hulk Hogan).  Also, for the second week in a row, RKO has brought out some pretty good acting chops.  He’s almost taken the mantel as the top dick-ish asshole (almost because HHH is still around).
4. HHH and Stephanie (1) – At first, I thought we were clearly headed for another pre-PPV “WTF” RAW.  The skit with The Big Show was lame (see Show’s ranking).  Fear of a bad show started to creep into my brain.  Then something happened.  Instead of a stupid scenario / bit (another character interrupting the in-ring character via Jumbo-tron which has been used so many times in the past) being allowed to stumble along and ruin a show was quickly ended.  HHH / Stephanie pivoted to announcing the Ambrose vs Bryan match.  Ok, so Bryan came out first instead of Ambrose but it was commercial time and they needed a way to get the crowd worked up and create the time for the TV break.  This was all a bit clunky but as someone who has watched many a bad show openers through the years, this one was saved.  I know I’m making a bigger deal about this than I should but it has to be pointed out that it looked like we were a crash test car heading for a brick wall but fortunately someone hit the breaks.  There could have been smoother ways of getting Big Show’s story line inserted / recapped.  I’ll knock HHH and Stephanie a little but I’ve also got to give some credit for the save.  Albeit awkward, they were able to touch on Big Show, list the PPV matches, set up HBK and introduce the first match of the night all in the opening 10 minutes.  A yeoman’s effort indeed.  And really, how “upset” could HHH / Stephanie be that Bryan came out to the ring?  He was Ambrose’s opponent so whether he came out first or second, he was coming out and the crowd was going to Yes, Yes, Yes him.
   
5. Shawn HBK Michaels (9) – Sure, it would be easy to leave HBK on this list forever seeing as how he’s the best there ever was, is or will be...(one day I’ll get sick of trolling Bret Hart fans, but today is not that day).  Seriously, from the opening moments of RAW when HHH and Stephanie continually mention that HBK is the guest referee for the RKO / Bryan HitC match and that he was “voted” in by us, the wrestling public, all the signs are pointing toward SOMETHING happening at the PPV.  The Oracle, Freddy D., has laid out many theories (some seem more likely than others) but I’d give it a 99% chance that HBK’s actions at the PPV will have more to do with who will walk out as the WWE champ than either RKO’s or Bryan’s.  It was also interesting to see HBK and HHH’s interaction later in the show.  Granted, HBK can be goofy and even he’ll be the first to tell you that acting isn’t what kept him as a main event-er but he’s got a certain charm.  It’s goofy and childish but when you don’t get it all the time, you find it refreshing when it shows up.  Specifically outside the ring, back stage, he may be laying the seeds for a possible confrontation with the “current” HHH.  Do I expect HBK to do the bidding of HHH and Stephanie? Yep.  Would it surprise me if he did the switch-a-ro and help Bryan win the title and use the excuse that HHH has changed and his fun loving friend is now a heartless CEO who needs reminding of what made HHH, HBK, DX and the Clique so great? Nope.  I give the writers and HBK a tip of the hat to keeping his intentions enigmatic.   
6. Daniel Bryan (7) – It was good to see a quality matchup to start the show.  If you would have told me that Bryan vs Ambrose was going to be the first match, I’d have thought this would have been a no-brainer for match of the night.  Unfortunately it was a bit flat to start and the two made a few mistakes.  I’ll give them credit for some well done moves and note the difficulty in performing a match that contains TV breaks.  I guess we’ve just been spoiled by the recent quality of Bryan’s matches and near-perfect Shield matches of late.  Once back from the commercial break the two were clicking.
7. The Usos (N/A) – I don’t know how many times I can keep saying this but the Tag Team stable is stacked.  The Usos continue to impress with every match they have.  They stood toe-to-toe with The Shield and put on one hell of a main event.  I’m glad the were able to work their way into a triple threat match with The Shield and The Rhodes at Hell in the Cell.
8. Alberto Del Rio / Rhodes Family (6/4) – Neither had a match but both hung over the WWE universe in very important ways.  Both are Champions, World and Tag respectfully, and each one got either multiple promos or ringside commentaries.  While ADR is poised to be the villain against Cena and, without any screen time from his opponent, ADR has readied the use of an arm-bar-lock against Cena during his return match (to capitalize on Cena’s injured elbow), I’m not quite sure what the Rhodes family’s angle was on the show.  JBL kept taunting the Rhodes as a cookie cutter / vanilla team that is plain and boring.  This idea is absurd considering you have a man dressed head-to-toe in latex and painted with black and gold paid over the rest of his body.  I don’t think “vanilla” could ever be used to describe Goldust.  With all things, we must consider the source.  JBL is the third wheel of the announce team and often doesn’t make sense with his commentary.  At least with Lawler, you understand he’s a lecherous old man, with one-liners from the 70‘s and that’s his schtick.
   
9. CM Punk (5) – As with many of the performances tonight, Punk set the stage for Sundays PPV.  You gotta believe that Punk is going to win his Hell in the Cell match against Ryback and Heyman.  This feud has gone on long enough and this would be fine time to resolve this story so we can move on.  If not now then certainly by Survivor Series, but if it drags until then we better see something amazing.  It’s not going to surprise me if Punk has to defeat Ryback, Heyman AND Curtis Axel this Sunday.  It looks like Punk has back up in Langston if need be.  Regardless, let’s hope that HitC concludes this feud.  
10. Heyman (8) – Great shoot.  But I do find it odd that he of all people would comment on the diva-less dreams of Punk when just a few weeks ago Heyman was sharing a “special” moment with Ryback in the swamps of Mississippi.  I guess what happens in Biloxi stays in Biloxi.  I don’t give Heyman much of a chance, even with henchmen, if a 30 second promo takes the wind out of the man.
11. Dolph Ziggler (11) – RKO vs Ziggler could be a dream matchup if given the proper build up.  A large contingent of the crowd was behind Ziggler, which proves that he’s underutilized.  If half the crowd is cheering for Ziggler against “the face” of the WWE, it goes to show he’s suitable for a push against any wrestler.  Overall it might not be best for RKO but Ziggler would benefit greatly from a feud with RKO.  This would raise Ziggler’s status again so that he can get in line for whomever ends up with either the WWE or World championships.  I know this is all just the wishes of a big city-liberal-wrestling-fan but I can dream, damn it!  We should be grateful that WWE is throwing us a good match bone prior to the PPV.  I’ll calm down.  But then again, how good would it be for Ziggler to be chasing a Champion RKO for a few big matches.  Ok ok ok, this time I mean it, I’ll calm down now.
12. The Wyatt Family (14) – Finally, I can justifiably put The Wyatts higher on my rankings.  They didn’t just come out but get this, they wrestled.  They wrestled solid opponents in Miz (whom Bray has got his creepy sights on) and Kofi.  If we’re throwing opponents together, I don’t see why they couldn’t have found a third member so that Bray Wyatt could compete in the match as well, but hey, I won’t look a gift lamb in the mouth.  I really can’t wait for a Shield / Wyatt feud because Rowan and Harper are beasts.  Whatever their plans are for Miz couldn’t end fast enough so that we can get to what I’d assume is what everyone wants, Shield / Wyatts.  After the PPV, I’m going to assume that both teams will be done with their respective story lines and we can work our way to a much anticipated showdown.  What better PPV than Survivor Series to have a large tag match?  Let’s keep our fingers crossed.
13. The Miz / Kofi Kingston (15/N/A) – They went in as jobbers to the Wyatts but they put on a great match.  The sign of a true professional is knowing you’re going to take the 3 count but putting on a solid match anyway.  Kofi, once again, proved he’s a great in-ring talent.  He almost stole the show with a quick burst of moves before he was nearly beheaded by a monster clothesline to end the match.  Miz seems to be the next “lamb” for the Wyatts to embrace into their creepy arms.  The segment cuts away before we see what would become of Miz.
14. The Big Show (10) – Let’s start with these small grievances that I have with Show’s character; 1) For someone who was “fired” I find it hard to believe that he’d be able to get a camera crew and the WWE production staff to film him and interrupt HHH / Stephanie’s opening promo?  2) If he’s been “fired” why would he still wear “Big Show” merch, and especially the pink version for breast cancer awareness?  These are all small potatoes but proves less is more when it comes to Big Show.  He was at his most effective when alls he did we drive a big rig in and use it to distract RKO for Bryan to knock him out.  (#3 on my absurdities list would be how a 7-foot tall, 500-lbs man, recently fired by the company, driving a big rig could somehow get by all security to drive into the area floor)
15. Big E. Langston (N/A) – I’ve been racking my brain trying to think of what / who can bring back some glamour to the IC belt.  Axel has degraded the strap to the point that I was afraid it would be lost.  Luckily Big E stepped in and the more I think about it, the better this feud becomes.  Big E, an underrated and unused talent to this point, is at the perfect place to challenge for the IC belt.  At this point, the IC belt is a distant 4th in championship rank of the four major singles belts.  Big E has the potential of taking this belt and raising the profile quickly if he were to win it from Axel and defend it in a few quality matches.  The unproven factor of Big E is the unknown.  We don’t know what Langston can really do on his own.  If Langston wins the belt and shows some in-ring ability, it could be the rare case that the man makes the belt instead of the belt making the man.
16. Ryback (13) – Almost an afterthought in the Punk / Heyman feud.  What does he do if Punk wins the HitC match?  I don’t know where he’s going with his bully campaign.  He’s got more of a chance to make it without Heyman than Axel does.  Does the WWE break up the first same-sex union as quickly as they threw it together?  Is there a scarier thought that having Ryback as your scorned lover?  Although the glimpses of Ryback vs Langston are interesting.  Throw in the fact Mark Henry is wandering in the darkness of the WWE locker room, there might be an interesting “heavyweight” trifecta that could take place.
17. Curtis Axel (13) – If this is a test run for what will happen once Axel is no longer involved with the Heyman / Punk feud, I’d say there might be some promise.  Axel has cheapened the IC belt to the point were it’s hard to find a worthy-less contender to take it away and then raise it’s profile, but Big E just might be able to do it.  If Axel wants to prove his worth or even have a chance to keep the belt and not make it and himself expendable, Big E is a good opponent to do it against.
18. Real Americans w/ Zeb vs Tons of Funk (N/A) – The match between these two teams really took a back seat to the discussion that Zeb had with the announce team regarding Los Matadores.  While I can’t stand Los Matadores or El Torito, the “goring” of Zeb in the crotch and in the ass by El Torito has left me very conflicted.  Zeb’s explanation of how the government shutdown allowed El Torito to sneak across the boarder is the first time I could understand the concerns that the Tea Party has about our boarder security.  At the same time, Zeb complaining that El Torito has no respect for him, well, I guess El Torito and I have something in common now as well.  I’ve never been left with such conflicting feelings.  (Maybe the fact that Hitler was born on 4/20?)
19. Santino (with Khali and Hornswoggle) (16) – Well, we’re back to the bullshit gimmicks.  All three dressed in Elvis outfits, due to the fact their in Memphis which is just a hop skip and a jump from Graceland (FUN FACT, I’ve been there).  The only semi-redeemable portion of this act was that Santino was able to channel “black-belt Elvis” so there was that... No one sells the crap he’s given to do better than Santino.  You want an example, his stupid sock-cobra also had an Elvis hairdo.  Nuff Said.
20. 3MB (20) – Back again and jobbing like a the professional jobbers they are.  Keep cashing those checks.  Yet again, I couldn’t tell which MB-er was wrestling.  It doesn’t matter.  I think it was the white rocker?  Honestly, who gives a fuck?  

Honorable Mentions

Komen.org – Breast Cancer month continues.  Donate / support a charity.  I know times are rough and money is tight but there are always people that have it worse off than you and there’s always a disease that needs defeating or a charity that needs help.  A $20 donation to your favorite charity can help.

Jerry “The King” Lawler – The city of Memphis and the state of Tennessee is where I most associate being the hometown The King.  There’s been a recent phenomenon of the crowd chanting the announcer’s names during the shows.  I don’t know why this started or for what reason but if anywhere it’s deserved, it would be for Lawler in Memphis.  In the territory days, Lawler really was the “king” of this part of the country.  No matter how goofy and silly I feel The King can be now, you cannot tell the history of wrestling without mentioning Lawler, Memphis area and the amazing run / shoot he had with Andy Kaufman.  It was nice to see The King get his due but you have to think that Lawler would have probably wished he wasn’t presented to his hometown crowd by a fake Italian dressed like Elvis with a sock on his arm painted like a cobra with an Elvis wig on (so you’re not confused, BOTH the fake Italian and sock had Elvis wigs on).  Stay classy WWE.

R-Truth – It may not be a surprise that I watch a great deal of late night infomercials, seeing as it’s almost 3 am as I’m writing this.  Having said that, I’ve seen all kinds of pitchmen and women.  From Mandy on jewelry television to the weirdos selling knives to the English dude that sells anything and everything (I still think he’s the one responsible for the untimely death of Billy Mays, if you’re into conspiracy theories of late night shopping.  Any good detective will tell you, look to see who has the most to gain and you’ve found your suspect.) even the Slap Chop / ShamWow guy, Vince.  I’ve seen them all.  I’m telling you, Truth is just as good if not better than all of them.  He convinced me that what I really needed to round out my wardrobe was a Daniel Bryan beard mixed with a Wyatt lamb mask.  Last week I wondered if R-Truth was crazy or brilliant, I think this week we found out.  (Yeah, you’ll notice how I’m evasive to which direction the arrow points on this...)

AJ / Snuka vs Bellas – At least we got an AJ sighting.  Also, it seems that Cena’s Bella is healthy enough to wrestle again, not that “Implant” Bella (I’ve got nothing against implants, it’s just the easiest way to tell them apart) being back to in-ring action means anything to me.  You know what, I’m going to be nice because I don’t have anything good to say about the match or even know what the significance of having it meant so I’ll shut up and say DO SOMETHING MORE WITH AJ.  AJ cut one of the best promos of the year a few weeks back and since then we’ve gotten very little out of it.  One halfway decent PPV match and nothing much more.  Either do something more with her or bury her and the divas until Total Divas comes back, which I’m sure we’ll get a good helping of all the participating women.

Side Note(s) 

Mankind vs Undertaker HitC match 1998 – I can’t believe this match was 15 years ago.  It seemed like only yesterday, that I thought a man had intentionally killed himself for the sake of a wrestling match.  This match came during the Attitude era and during the height of WWF/E, WCW and ECW battles.  I really should devote an entire post to this match but it certainly deserves a quick mention.  This was, and still is, the most insane match I have every seen.  There have been crazier and riskier matches on smaller / more independent showcases and there have been more outlandish stunts performed but this was the match that made me forget that this was a staged entertainment performance and I truly thought Mankind was going to die on a major promoter’s PPV.  To my knowledge, nothing was rigged (such as an airbag’d set or breakaway ring) and all the bumps taken were real.  Here’s a link to the match.  There’s so much to be said but words cannot do it the proper justice, so please watch this match and marvel how riveting, dangerous and amazing (that Mankind lived), and we’ll probably never see the same sort of performance again.  Which in my book is 10% disappointing but 90% a good thing.    

Until next week...