WWE Power Rankings, RAW 10-28-2013

Coming at you from Orlando, coming off of a so-so Hell in the Cell PPV Wrestlemania season has started.  While the “road to WM” starts at Royal Rumble, tonight’s RAW is generally the beginning to all the story lines that will lead up to conclusion at Wrestlemania.  

Quickly, regarding Hell in the Cell…The PPV was OK.  My “crew” got together but since it wasn’t a major PPV we didn’t have all hands on deck, which was appropriate for the type of show it turned out to be.  A long forgotten member of our “crew” (gotta think of a better name) made a return, which was far more interesting and exciting that half the matches on the actual PPV.  I believe at one point we fast forwarded through about 45 minutes and almost everyone needed coffee to get home.  The opener was a fast and hard tag match which predictably saw the Rhodes Family keep the title.  That might have been the match of the night.  The two Hell in the Cell matches were a let down overall.  While CM Punk vs Heyman brought conclusion (I hope) to their feud, the match was weak and mostly consisted of Punk vs Ryback and then once that was finished, an innocuous beating of Heyman on the top of the Cell structure ended the match.  The other HitC match that took place between RKO / Bryan / HHH / HBK was fairly predictable in it’s twists and turns.  Performance-wise it was a good match.  As discussed in previous posts, a blind man would have seen HBK’s interference coming.  It was just a matter of which way he was going to swing the match.  As you’ll see below HBK ended up “doing what’s best for business” and falling in step with HHH & Stephanie’s wishes.  The only semi surprise, again if you’ve been reading, was that Cena cleanly won the World strap from ADR.  It wasn’t so surprising that he might have won as much as how he won cleanly and then left as the champ.  I was certain that if he had won, something like Sandow cashing in his MitB shot or something or someone would have made it a controversial win.  Overall, if you want a score, I’d give it a 2 out of 5 stars overall but the first and last matches were very good.  There were some glaring omissions in lieu of substandard performers who made it on the card.  As we’ll get into, the likes of Kofi and Ziggler weren’t on the card but Khali / Hornswaggle (sans Santino.  I repeat sans SANTINO!), Los Matadores, El Torito and the All American crew all had major time on the PPV.  

With Hell in the Cell over and the chessboard set, the next PPV is a big one.  Survivor Series is in a few weeks and while I was disappointed in the results and who was on the HitC Card, we could be set up for a great Survivor Series (which hasn’t been said in a long time) where we could actually have some true Survivor Series matches.  Usually you can expect a solid show coming off of a PPV, so with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 10/28/2013…

1. The Shield (1&2) – Old. School. Promo.  You don’t need to reinvent the wheel each week.  Wrestling has been around for decades and a staple is the solo / group shoot to the camera backstage.  You see these mostly on smaller shows (like TNA or independents) because they’re cheap and easy to make.  But to do a good one, that’s old school and it’s still awesome.  It’s the classic way that wrestlers could set up a match that hasn’t had months of airtime to prep an audience or in the “territory days” it would be an easy way to tell anyone new to the program what the backstory to the match was.  The Shield did a great backstage shoot and then immediately went on to a match between Ambrose vs Big E.  Predictably the match went outside the ring where the rest of The Shield was was there to pound Big E.  Did Ambrose get disqualified, sure.  Did the Usos come out to help Big E and take on the Rollins and Reigns, you know they did.  Did Brad Maddox come out and give the crowd what they wanted, a 6-man tag?  Fuck Yeah!  Was it awesome?  They’re not #1 on the Power Rankings for ‘nothing.
2. Damien Sandow (N/A) – Talk about someone being back.  Sandow is back on RAW.  He’s a worthy heel for a returning Cena.  This arc will probably take place on Smackdown more than RAW but it’s exciting nonetheless.  Sandow has played the “intelligent” wrestler card better than almost anyone and he’s been vastly underused.  I was getting tired of trying to figure out the ways he (and his MitB case) was going to get to the championship but now we’ve seen him hop-skip-and-jump right over to the main event.  For an opening match on RAW, Cena and Sandow put on a fabulous match.  Sandow lost his MitB title shot but somehow I hope and expect him to be very much in the mix for the World belt.  When you get a “this is awesome” chant by the crowd, you’re almost assured to get more TV time.  I’m sure Sandow will utilize all his intelligence (and the WWE’s creative staff) to find some fine print to allow him to keep his MitB chance.  Just a guess. 
3. John Cena (N/A) – Love him or hate him, he does make the crowd pop.  Yes, he’s back.  For some reason he felt compelled to explain the purpose of doctors and the chemistry of making ice.  There was an awkward moment about how JBL was the inspiration for Cena’s quick comeback because of disparaging remarks that JBL had been making.  Frankly I couldn’t remember this being an issue and if it was, JBL was just doing the commentary that the show’s writers gave him.  Cena does know that this is all scripted, right?  At least we got an explanation for the reason that Cena won the World belt and the direction his character will be going.  I gather he’ll be more of a presence on Smackdown and thus necessitated winning the championship.  It didn’t make much sense but clearly Cena was pumped up to be back in front of a live crowd and on the mic.  I’ll let him off easy this week because when you’re on the top of the mountain and the actual “face of the company” it must be intoxicating to come out each week.  He’s back and you can see the love he has for the business, sooooo…whatever, let him have his fun.  If it were up to me, I’d probably use Cena differently but if he’s going to bring life to and shake up the 2nd tier of wrestlers that I keep harping need a push / direction (i.e. Kofi, Ziggler, *Sandow*, ADR, Mark Henry, Sheamus, Miz, Cesaro, etc.) I’m all for it.  With Cena being so polarizing, he can take on heels or faces.  My only concern is how long Cena (or the WWE brass) will allow him to toil in the minors when they ultimately want him going for the WWE championship, which I’d assume would be by Wrestlemania?  That’s a long time off so we just have to watch.  Along with rehabbing his elbow, Cena must have also worked on his match skills.  As much as it pains me, he and Sandow put on a great match.  Cena’s not a horrible wrestler like Hulk Hogan is / was, it’s just that he’s not on the list of guys you know will put on a good match.  If he gets in the ring with Sandow or Kofi or Ziggler, he’s more than capable of working with them to put on a good show.
4. The Usos (7) – These guys are the break out surprise of the past year.  They’re part of the Samoan lineage and have prominent roles on Total Divas, so it would have been easy to say they were going to get an underserved push.  To their credit, the Usos have been awesome every time they get a chance.  I can’t think of once in the last few months where they’ve disappointed.  Better than that, they’re participation in any match has usually been the highlight.   
5. Goldust and Cody Rhodes (8) – I’m convinced of two things, the Rhodes are going to have some great tag matches and then they’re going to breakup and feud at WM30.  How, when and why is all up to the WWE but that’s how I see the next six months going for these guys.  All of which is fine because Goldust and Cody (and Dusty) have been awesome. 
6. Big E Langston (15) – I know, I was just as surprised to see Big E this high when putting everyone in order, as you are to seeing him this high on the list.  One of the few mid-card matches on the PPV that was worth mentioning, Big E / Ambrose was a quality match with resulted in both men needing stitches (and not on purpose).  While it started out to be a rematch of last night’s PPV match, things escalated quickly.  When he was included in the 6-man tag, he lost some of his individual shine but that’s fine.  Big E has made a splash and he’s hot like Christopher Wallace in the 90’s. (I can’t tell if 1) anyone will get that or 2) if it was lame or not?  I’ll cross my fingers and let my dear readers let me know.)
7. Shawn HBK Michaels (5) – This is the big question.  Not only did Bryan want answers but We did as well regarding what HBK is up to?  There are many things that can be said about HBK and his antics in and out of the ring over the years, in front of the camera and behind the scenes.  There’s no debate that he’s on the short list of “GOAT”.  Where he’s sometimes lacked has been his shoots & promos, but not tonight.  He was great and he was able to deadpan the script while working the audience into a fevered pitch.  Now he has two generations of fans screaming, “You Screwed Brett” and now “You Screwed Bryan.”  So what does this mean?  Do we get one last run from HBK so that he can get an HOF final match like Flair?  Tradition tells us that when a wrestler finally retires, he gives a worthy opponent of the next generation the win.  Is Daniel Bryan that guy?  Will we get one more run from HBK?  Not many answers were given but if we’re headed for something at WM30, this is a great start.  Or HBK could be back on his ranch shooting deer instead of promos within a week?  This is why I love wrestling.   
8. HHH and Stephanie (4) – Between HHH’s rant / presentation of RKO and Stephanie’s procurement of a “the monster Kane” (a valuable tool for sure), it was a productive night for the power duo.  It wasn’t their best night or most impactful but we do see the tracks begin laid.  I’m was a little surprised because I heard that Vince McMahon was going to make an appearance and that he would be the reason The Big Show has been able to get into the areas and cause all the trouble he has, having been fired and banned in all. But alas, he didn’t make an appearance.  The idea for Vince to run up against HHH and Stephanie is appealing but if it doesn’t happen I’m not going to be depressed.  They’ve got a lot going on and whose to say Vince doesn’t show up next week?  HBK, HHH, Stephanie, Bryan and RKO are all lumped together because of plot and relative lack of use this week but that doesn’t diminish their future rolls.  It also goes to show, HHH and Stephanie are just as committed to the rest of the crew because they could have very easily taken up most of the show with this main plot line.  instead they went out, sprinkled their plot throughout the show and let some of the other stories find their footing.  Now whether or not I care about Los Matadores solidifying their story or not is a different debate all together.  
9. Randy Orton (3) – After Hell in the Cell, RKO is officially the WWE champ and “face of the WWE.”  No matter how he came to be the Champ, he sure does carry himself as the prick you’d expect him to be as the pre-ordained “face of the WWE” that HHH and Stephanie had picked.  Aside from a few tweaks that gave him some charm while being a prick a number of years ago, this is the best that RKO has ever been.  It’s too bad we wasted so much time with Diva matches and Real Americans because there wasn’t much for RKO to do than to say a few incendiary words to the rest of the roster and then get knocked out by The Big Show.  Again, I have to point out this is just the beginning of what looks to be a long run.  Patience is virtue.
10. The Big Show (14) – He’s the least likable part of the main storyline but as I’ve said, he’s best served in small doses.  His lawsuit storyline is weak but maybe it makes room for Vince to enter?  Who knows.  As long as it’s not The Big Show hour, I’m fine with letting this breath to see where it goes.
11. Daniel Bryan (6) – Even though one could say he’s the centerpiece of the show (he and RKO comprise the main storyline), he said nothing, perform a few moves on HBK and get beaten up by The Wyatt Family.  All the members of the the main story took a hit today because of the short amount of time they had on screen. 
12. The Wyatt Family (12) – After a poor performance at the PPV, I was ready to give in to everyone telling me that I was wrong about the Wyatts.  Sure, they barely wrestle and may have the record for most go-nowhere shoots.  Bray Wyatt, in particular, has done nothing to deserve any mention but luckily I’ve heard that he has been hurt which is some consolation to their lack of direction.  Just as I was about to drop them to the bottom, they destroyed Bryan backstage.  It made no sense and had nothing to do with any story line that either wrestler is in but Bray kicked the crap out of Bryan.  Then they inexplicably attacked Punk.  Well, OK, now we have something.  Who wouldn’t want to see Punk and Bryan team up against the Wyatts?  I don’t see how this all shakes out but at this point I don’t care.  It lets me justify them staying in the upper-mid tier of the Power Rankings.  I’m sure we’ll soon find out the meaning of “The devil made me do it.”  Unfortunately The Wyatts leave more story lines hanging than chads on a Florida voting ballot (Anyone up for political references from 2000?  RAW is in Orlando, Florida so there is a method to my madness.  It’s no more dumb than when Wyatt lights the lantern just to blow it out, then brings an electric lantern into the arena.).  
13. CM Punk (9) – Really?  Ryback?  Still?  Again?  I thought we were going to move on.  I don’t care what stipulation the fans choose for the match, I just want Punk to be able to move on.  I assumed we got conclusion at HitC but maybe that was just for the Heyman part.  Luckily it seems we’re now done with Punk vs Ryback, finally.  Earlier in the show, the Wyatt Family attacked Daniel Bryan out of nowhere.  Then they did it again with Punk.  With Punk seemingly done with the Heyman & Associates, throwing The Wyatts at Punk is interesting.  I was thinking they’d stay within the tag or bottom feeder ranks to find opponents but a run against Punk and a possible Punk / Bryan team-up could be interesting.  Although Bryan seems to have a direction with HBK, HHH, RKO, etc.  Therefore I wouldn’t count on Bryan being apart of any long term Punk / Wyatt feud.  Really, I don’t see Punk feuding with the Wyatts either but I can always wish.  It’s all going to depend on who this “devil” is that’s directing The Wyatt Family?  This is one of the many resets that we’re getting into.  Remember, this is the first week of storytelling that will conclude six months from now.  Other than a possible few bullet points, nothing is set in stone.
14. Kane (N/A) – I’m sure this is some mental illness of my own, but when I see Kane’s mask not fit properly, for the second night in a row, it drives me insane.  So insane I just want to set fire to my family’s house and kill them all, including my brother who would become the Undertaker… What could Kane possibly say to Stephanie McMahon other than “Thank you for putting me in See No Evil 2 and allowing me to take a three month break from rolling around the ring four nights a week.”  Low and behold, that’s basically what Kane did.  I thought he’d come back in a tie-in with the Wyatts but instead he’s now a servant to the Princess of Wrestling.  Interesting.  Intriguing.  I want to see where this goes. 
15. Alberto Del Rio (8) – Chalk it to the “Maldecir del Cena" but have you seen someone’s wind get taken away from them so quickly?  He was riding high as World champ and had a handful of potentially great feuds in front of him.  Granted, ADR’s gimmick wasn’t the best and the WWE was having a hard time finding the right opponent, short-term plan and path for Sandow to cash in his MitB match but these things could have been fixed while he was still wearing the championship belt.  Hopefully the crowbar-ing of Cena will mix things up and allow ADR to make the proper adjustments to regain the belt and / or find the right feud(s) to lead into WM30.  He’s an excellent wrestler and his heel gimmick is so close to being great.  The evil hispanic feel cheap and too 80’s.  But a modern day Tony Montana could be interesting.  I hope this leads to a short title run by Cena, a few good matches and a better / stronger heel gimmick for ADR to be unleashed on rest of the WWE universe (who better than Cena to push ADR into a darker heel?).  Then I’ll be satisfied with everything that’s gone down with ADR these last few days.  Otherwise, the WWE will have just buried one of their top guys in a matter of days.
16. Brad Maddox (N/A) – OK, Brad.  You’ve been lurking in Honorable Mentions and have had significant roles in recent RAW episodes.  But if you’re going to come out, prolong what was sure to be a great match between Big E vs Ambrose and then make it into a 6-man tag match…well my friend, welcome to the Power Ranking list.  See, it’s not hard to make it on the list.  Just do something to service the fans.  Is anyone going to be upset about a Shield vs Big E / Usos match?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.  Thank you, sir.
17. The Miz (13) – Let’s give credit where credit is due.  Miz knew he was going out there to job for 60 seconds.  He gave it his all and played it off as if he wasn’t a step above 3MB.  I’m hoping there’s a bigger / better plan for Miz.  I’m a fan.  Unfortunately, right now he’s not going anywhere.  On the up side, he’s banging Maryse, cashing checks and doesn’t have to do MTV’s the Challenge.  You can’t say he’s living a bad life.  
18. The Real Americans w/ Zeb (18) – It’s beyond my comprehension that this crew gets any kind of crowd support.  They’re clearly heels in the tradition of Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff.  What baffles me is that entire arenas will chant their stupid sayings go along with the gimmick.  Their wrestling is fair but nothing great.  I’d rank them at the bottom in comparison to the current tag teams.  For Christ’s sake, they’re in a match against the Champs, Cody and Goldust, when teams like the Primetime Players can only get a minute to sell t-shirts.  What is the goal / purpose of this group?  If they’re going to go full out racist heel, then do it and let some faces beat the crap out of them.  Otherwise they’re just wasting time that other people could be using.
19. 3MB (20) – I’m going to petition to change their name to KCC “Keep Cashing Checks” because that’s all they’re doing.  There has to be some serious soul searching when you go home at night and know that you’ve jobbed to a couple of buffoons dressed up as nipples and a midget bull-man-thing.  I hope WWE takes away their belts and shoelaces before locking them in their rooms as night.  It would not look good if one morning local newspapers had pictures of each member of 3MB swinging from the shower curtain bar or some Motel 6 closet.  I can’t even give them credit for the large fishing net they brought to the ring, although I did crack the smallest of grins when JBL called it a little bull catcher.
20. Los Matadores (N/A) – They were part of the “time to eat and go to bathroom” portion of the PPV last night.  Their handful of solid tag team moves will never win me over to the ridiculousness of this gimmick.  El Torito is god awful.  Can someone explain why their match with 3MB was a 2-on-3 handicap match?  El Torito is possibly the most talented of the Los Matadores group so why is it unacceptable that he fights in a 6-man tag?  It’s discrimination and I want the ACLU to investigate and serve a cease and desist order on the WWE’s use of Los Matadores and El Torito.

Honorable Mentions

komen.org – We conclude cancer awareness month with this week’s RAW.  Is it me or does it seem that we’ve been wearing pink shirts and having pink ropes and pink bows for about three months?  In all seriousness, it’s been a good thing and the WWE should be commended for the amount of time and money they’ve put toward awareness and donations to fighting cancer.

Primetime Players – If they want to be the next “pitchmen” for the WWE, they’re leaps and bounds behind R-Truth.  Besides, the Primetime Players are a very good tag team and we’re heading into a great tag era (fingers crossed).  Just as with R-Truth, this was a good way to hawk some merch and keep them in the forefront of the viewers minds.  

David Otunga AKA Mr. Jennifer Hudson – I forgot he was still part of the WWE lineup.  I’ve always like him.  Maybe it’s his rippling musculature or his Harvard intellect, either way he’s another guy that I give credit to for cashing checks.  There was always a charm to him being the assistant to whomever was the GM.  Now he’s taken on the role of resident attorney.  He read his lines.  The script / “complaint” was funny and shed some light to what will be the direction / actions Big Show will be taking.

AJ Lee & Tamina Snuka / The Bellas – Let’s face it, AJ is the only reason this group is on the list.  We’ve never really been told why Snuka and AJ are together and frankly, I don’t care.  AJ got two seconds of in-ring action to put on her finishing move.  I’m tired of writing about this already and I’ll save my strength for something else…

Divas Match part du – It’s amazing that with about 30 minutes left on the show, the WWE decides to put on a second divas match between Summer Rae and Natalya.  I know they want to promote Total Divas coming back soon but couldn’t this have been included in the first Divas match?  Give it up to Fandango for being the “valet” this time.  Summer had an interesting and unexpected mean streak come out.  Maybe if Summer and ‘Fan come out as the silly duo but can turn on the evil switch, maybe they have some possibilities together long term?  (Did I really just say that?  Jesus, I must be tired or getting sick?)  It gives me hope that everyone knows this is a stupid gimmick, which only then makes it tolerable.  What truly saddens me (and I’ve never hoped for an injury this much before) is that Santino has been replaced by Natalya in the motley crew of Hornswaggle and Khali.  It is dark days for Santino and this Santino fan.  Viva la Italia.  Viva Santino!

Side Note(s)

If you say something can only be seen “exclusively” on the WWE and then show it on the RAW live TV show, then it’s not exclusive!  The WWE app sucks and doesn’t work.  Can we just move on?  Figure out a better use of the app.  Starting with making it work.

Yet again we get another tutorial on how to install the WWE app to our phone.  They’re treating us like you would your grandparents when they got their first smartphone.  Let’s look at it another way, if you’re too stupid not to know how to install a free app on your phone, how in the hell are you supposed to navigate the app once you install it?  Please WWE, stop.  Spend this time and money on making a decent app.  I assure you, we’ll figure out how to use it.  I’ve never seen a demonstration on how to download Angry Birds but every five year old seems to know how to use and play that app.  Besides, how do you think you get all your wrestlers “trending” on twitter if people don’t know how to download an app!?    

Until next week…

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 10-21-2013

Coming at you from Memphis, I’m just now coming out from morning my beloved Dodgers loss last Friday to eliminate them from the playoffs.  I’ve pulled myself together.  Cleared out the empty liquor bottles and ice cream tubs so that I can deliver you my highly anticipated Power Rankings.  I do it all for the people...no need to thank me.  With Hell in the Cell coming up on Sunday this show is either going to be a complete WTF show or a solid primer to the PPV.  Hell in the Cell has given us some great matches over the years (this being the 15 year anniversary of the ‘Taker / Mankind match, see Side Notes for more) I hope this PPV will be will be great.  It should have many resolutions because we’re weeks away from the Survivor Series PPV.  In a story sense, Survivor Series is the kickoff to the Royal Rumble in January, which is the start of the Road to Wrestlemania.  That makes this a pre-show to the pre-show to the run up to the biggest show of the year.  Confused?  Well, don’t be.  It just means that this is when current story lines usually wrap up and new ones will start so that they can conclude at the Superbowl of wrestling, Wrestlemania.  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 10/21/2013...

1. Dean Ambrose (1 of 3 Shield-ers) (2) – This statement might make you think I’m crazy but Ambrose out wrestled Bryan!  Yes, Yes, Yes I said it.  It was a little sloppy before the first TV break but once they got back the two put on a good match which Ambrose was the better performer.
2. Reigns and Rollins (2 of 3 Shield-ers) (2) – For two weeks in a row, The Shield has main event’d Raw.  Each being fantastic matches.  The Shield was separated this week because Ambrose also had a match to defend his US belt.  All three were on hand for the Main Event (BTW, Ambrose’s match was the opener.  The open and the main are probably the 2 biggest matches of any card and the Shield were in both and both were solid at the very least, absorb that info however you’d like.)  
3. Randy Orton (3) – I don’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse for RKO to go against Ziggler.  The curse part is that these two could have a great feud and by putting on a solid match, which they did, it could take away the anticipation for the RKO / Bryan match.  Just the same as the Bryan / Ambrose match made you realize there are some untapped feuds that the WWE could easily put together.  The blessing is for the fans.  It gave a glimmer of what the future could hold for RKO if he doesn’t win his match at HitC.  Even if RKO looses at HitC, and subsequently wasn’t involved with the WWE strap which I find it hard to believe he wouldn’t continue to be involved with that story, he could easily find a feud with Ziggler.  I’m sure I’m just high off of huffing glue to assume that these two have a future but I’d love to see a RKO / Ziggler feud.  It would reinforce that RKO can wrestle and let’s not forget, that’s a big part of this thing we call the WWE.  As much as I like story, if you can’t wrestle you’re not going to make if far (unless you’re Hulk Hogan).  Also, for the second week in a row, RKO has brought out some pretty good acting chops.  He’s almost taken the mantel as the top dick-ish asshole (almost because HHH is still around).
4. HHH and Stephanie (1) – At first, I thought we were clearly headed for another pre-PPV “WTF” RAW.  The skit with The Big Show was lame (see Show’s ranking).  Fear of a bad show started to creep into my brain.  Then something happened.  Instead of a stupid scenario / bit (another character interrupting the in-ring character via Jumbo-tron which has been used so many times in the past) being allowed to stumble along and ruin a show was quickly ended.  HHH / Stephanie pivoted to announcing the Ambrose vs Bryan match.  Ok, so Bryan came out first instead of Ambrose but it was commercial time and they needed a way to get the crowd worked up and create the time for the TV break.  This was all a bit clunky but as someone who has watched many a bad show openers through the years, this one was saved.  I know I’m making a bigger deal about this than I should but it has to be pointed out that it looked like we were a crash test car heading for a brick wall but fortunately someone hit the breaks.  There could have been smoother ways of getting Big Show’s story line inserted / recapped.  I’ll knock HHH and Stephanie a little but I’ve also got to give some credit for the save.  Albeit awkward, they were able to touch on Big Show, list the PPV matches, set up HBK and introduce the first match of the night all in the opening 10 minutes.  A yeoman’s effort indeed.  And really, how “upset” could HHH / Stephanie be that Bryan came out to the ring?  He was Ambrose’s opponent so whether he came out first or second, he was coming out and the crowd was going to Yes, Yes, Yes him.
   
5. Shawn HBK Michaels (9) – Sure, it would be easy to leave HBK on this list forever seeing as how he’s the best there ever was, is or will be...(one day I’ll get sick of trolling Bret Hart fans, but today is not that day).  Seriously, from the opening moments of RAW when HHH and Stephanie continually mention that HBK is the guest referee for the RKO / Bryan HitC match and that he was “voted” in by us, the wrestling public, all the signs are pointing toward SOMETHING happening at the PPV.  The Oracle, Freddy D., has laid out many theories (some seem more likely than others) but I’d give it a 99% chance that HBK’s actions at the PPV will have more to do with who will walk out as the WWE champ than either RKO’s or Bryan’s.  It was also interesting to see HBK and HHH’s interaction later in the show.  Granted, HBK can be goofy and even he’ll be the first to tell you that acting isn’t what kept him as a main event-er but he’s got a certain charm.  It’s goofy and childish but when you don’t get it all the time, you find it refreshing when it shows up.  Specifically outside the ring, back stage, he may be laying the seeds for a possible confrontation with the “current” HHH.  Do I expect HBK to do the bidding of HHH and Stephanie? Yep.  Would it surprise me if he did the switch-a-ro and help Bryan win the title and use the excuse that HHH has changed and his fun loving friend is now a heartless CEO who needs reminding of what made HHH, HBK, DX and the Clique so great? Nope.  I give the writers and HBK a tip of the hat to keeping his intentions enigmatic.   
6. Daniel Bryan (7) – It was good to see a quality matchup to start the show.  If you would have told me that Bryan vs Ambrose was going to be the first match, I’d have thought this would have been a no-brainer for match of the night.  Unfortunately it was a bit flat to start and the two made a few mistakes.  I’ll give them credit for some well done moves and note the difficulty in performing a match that contains TV breaks.  I guess we’ve just been spoiled by the recent quality of Bryan’s matches and near-perfect Shield matches of late.  Once back from the commercial break the two were clicking.
7. The Usos (N/A) – I don’t know how many times I can keep saying this but the Tag Team stable is stacked.  The Usos continue to impress with every match they have.  They stood toe-to-toe with The Shield and put on one hell of a main event.  I’m glad the were able to work their way into a triple threat match with The Shield and The Rhodes at Hell in the Cell.
8. Alberto Del Rio / Rhodes Family (6/4) – Neither had a match but both hung over the WWE universe in very important ways.  Both are Champions, World and Tag respectfully, and each one got either multiple promos or ringside commentaries.  While ADR is poised to be the villain against Cena and, without any screen time from his opponent, ADR has readied the use of an arm-bar-lock against Cena during his return match (to capitalize on Cena’s injured elbow), I’m not quite sure what the Rhodes family’s angle was on the show.  JBL kept taunting the Rhodes as a cookie cutter / vanilla team that is plain and boring.  This idea is absurd considering you have a man dressed head-to-toe in latex and painted with black and gold paid over the rest of his body.  I don’t think “vanilla” could ever be used to describe Goldust.  With all things, we must consider the source.  JBL is the third wheel of the announce team and often doesn’t make sense with his commentary.  At least with Lawler, you understand he’s a lecherous old man, with one-liners from the 70‘s and that’s his schtick.
   
9. CM Punk (5) – As with many of the performances tonight, Punk set the stage for Sundays PPV.  You gotta believe that Punk is going to win his Hell in the Cell match against Ryback and Heyman.  This feud has gone on long enough and this would be fine time to resolve this story so we can move on.  If not now then certainly by Survivor Series, but if it drags until then we better see something amazing.  It’s not going to surprise me if Punk has to defeat Ryback, Heyman AND Curtis Axel this Sunday.  It looks like Punk has back up in Langston if need be.  Regardless, let’s hope that HitC concludes this feud.  
10. Heyman (8) – Great shoot.  But I do find it odd that he of all people would comment on the diva-less dreams of Punk when just a few weeks ago Heyman was sharing a “special” moment with Ryback in the swamps of Mississippi.  I guess what happens in Biloxi stays in Biloxi.  I don’t give Heyman much of a chance, even with henchmen, if a 30 second promo takes the wind out of the man.
11. Dolph Ziggler (11) – RKO vs Ziggler could be a dream matchup if given the proper build up.  A large contingent of the crowd was behind Ziggler, which proves that he’s underutilized.  If half the crowd is cheering for Ziggler against “the face” of the WWE, it goes to show he’s suitable for a push against any wrestler.  Overall it might not be best for RKO but Ziggler would benefit greatly from a feud with RKO.  This would raise Ziggler’s status again so that he can get in line for whomever ends up with either the WWE or World championships.  I know this is all just the wishes of a big city-liberal-wrestling-fan but I can dream, damn it!  We should be grateful that WWE is throwing us a good match bone prior to the PPV.  I’ll calm down.  But then again, how good would it be for Ziggler to be chasing a Champion RKO for a few big matches.  Ok ok ok, this time I mean it, I’ll calm down now.
12. The Wyatt Family (14) – Finally, I can justifiably put The Wyatts higher on my rankings.  They didn’t just come out but get this, they wrestled.  They wrestled solid opponents in Miz (whom Bray has got his creepy sights on) and Kofi.  If we’re throwing opponents together, I don’t see why they couldn’t have found a third member so that Bray Wyatt could compete in the match as well, but hey, I won’t look a gift lamb in the mouth.  I really can’t wait for a Shield / Wyatt feud because Rowan and Harper are beasts.  Whatever their plans are for Miz couldn’t end fast enough so that we can get to what I’d assume is what everyone wants, Shield / Wyatts.  After the PPV, I’m going to assume that both teams will be done with their respective story lines and we can work our way to a much anticipated showdown.  What better PPV than Survivor Series to have a large tag match?  Let’s keep our fingers crossed.
13. The Miz / Kofi Kingston (15/N/A) – They went in as jobbers to the Wyatts but they put on a great match.  The sign of a true professional is knowing you’re going to take the 3 count but putting on a solid match anyway.  Kofi, once again, proved he’s a great in-ring talent.  He almost stole the show with a quick burst of moves before he was nearly beheaded by a monster clothesline to end the match.  Miz seems to be the next “lamb” for the Wyatts to embrace into their creepy arms.  The segment cuts away before we see what would become of Miz.
14. The Big Show (10) – Let’s start with these small grievances that I have with Show’s character; 1) For someone who was “fired” I find it hard to believe that he’d be able to get a camera crew and the WWE production staff to film him and interrupt HHH / Stephanie’s opening promo?  2) If he’s been “fired” why would he still wear “Big Show” merch, and especially the pink version for breast cancer awareness?  These are all small potatoes but proves less is more when it comes to Big Show.  He was at his most effective when alls he did we drive a big rig in and use it to distract RKO for Bryan to knock him out.  (#3 on my absurdities list would be how a 7-foot tall, 500-lbs man, recently fired by the company, driving a big rig could somehow get by all security to drive into the area floor)
15. Big E. Langston (N/A) – I’ve been racking my brain trying to think of what / who can bring back some glamour to the IC belt.  Axel has degraded the strap to the point that I was afraid it would be lost.  Luckily Big E stepped in and the more I think about it, the better this feud becomes.  Big E, an underrated and unused talent to this point, is at the perfect place to challenge for the IC belt.  At this point, the IC belt is a distant 4th in championship rank of the four major singles belts.  Big E has the potential of taking this belt and raising the profile quickly if he were to win it from Axel and defend it in a few quality matches.  The unproven factor of Big E is the unknown.  We don’t know what Langston can really do on his own.  If Langston wins the belt and shows some in-ring ability, it could be the rare case that the man makes the belt instead of the belt making the man.
16. Ryback (13) – Almost an afterthought in the Punk / Heyman feud.  What does he do if Punk wins the HitC match?  I don’t know where he’s going with his bully campaign.  He’s got more of a chance to make it without Heyman than Axel does.  Does the WWE break up the first same-sex union as quickly as they threw it together?  Is there a scarier thought that having Ryback as your scorned lover?  Although the glimpses of Ryback vs Langston are interesting.  Throw in the fact Mark Henry is wandering in the darkness of the WWE locker room, there might be an interesting “heavyweight” trifecta that could take place.
17. Curtis Axel (13) – If this is a test run for what will happen once Axel is no longer involved with the Heyman / Punk feud, I’d say there might be some promise.  Axel has cheapened the IC belt to the point were it’s hard to find a worthy-less contender to take it away and then raise it’s profile, but Big E just might be able to do it.  If Axel wants to prove his worth or even have a chance to keep the belt and not make it and himself expendable, Big E is a good opponent to do it against.
18. Real Americans w/ Zeb vs Tons of Funk (N/A) – The match between these two teams really took a back seat to the discussion that Zeb had with the announce team regarding Los Matadores.  While I can’t stand Los Matadores or El Torito, the “goring” of Zeb in the crotch and in the ass by El Torito has left me very conflicted.  Zeb’s explanation of how the government shutdown allowed El Torito to sneak across the boarder is the first time I could understand the concerns that the Tea Party has about our boarder security.  At the same time, Zeb complaining that El Torito has no respect for him, well, I guess El Torito and I have something in common now as well.  I’ve never been left with such conflicting feelings.  (Maybe the fact that Hitler was born on 4/20?)
19. Santino (with Khali and Hornswoggle) (16) – Well, we’re back to the bullshit gimmicks.  All three dressed in Elvis outfits, due to the fact their in Memphis which is just a hop skip and a jump from Graceland (FUN FACT, I’ve been there).  The only semi-redeemable portion of this act was that Santino was able to channel “black-belt Elvis” so there was that... No one sells the crap he’s given to do better than Santino.  You want an example, his stupid sock-cobra also had an Elvis hairdo.  Nuff Said.
20. 3MB (20) – Back again and jobbing like a the professional jobbers they are.  Keep cashing those checks.  Yet again, I couldn’t tell which MB-er was wrestling.  It doesn’t matter.  I think it was the white rocker?  Honestly, who gives a fuck?  

Honorable Mentions

Komen.org – Breast Cancer month continues.  Donate / support a charity.  I know times are rough and money is tight but there are always people that have it worse off than you and there’s always a disease that needs defeating or a charity that needs help.  A $20 donation to your favorite charity can help.

Jerry “The King” Lawler – The city of Memphis and the state of Tennessee is where I most associate being the hometown The King.  There’s been a recent phenomenon of the crowd chanting the announcer’s names during the shows.  I don’t know why this started or for what reason but if anywhere it’s deserved, it would be for Lawler in Memphis.  In the territory days, Lawler really was the “king” of this part of the country.  No matter how goofy and silly I feel The King can be now, you cannot tell the history of wrestling without mentioning Lawler, Memphis area and the amazing run / shoot he had with Andy Kaufman.  It was nice to see The King get his due but you have to think that Lawler would have probably wished he wasn’t presented to his hometown crowd by a fake Italian dressed like Elvis with a sock on his arm painted like a cobra with an Elvis wig on (so you’re not confused, BOTH the fake Italian and sock had Elvis wigs on).  Stay classy WWE.

R-Truth – It may not be a surprise that I watch a great deal of late night infomercials, seeing as it’s almost 3 am as I’m writing this.  Having said that, I’ve seen all kinds of pitchmen and women.  From Mandy on jewelry television to the weirdos selling knives to the English dude that sells anything and everything (I still think he’s the one responsible for the untimely death of Billy Mays, if you’re into conspiracy theories of late night shopping.  Any good detective will tell you, look to see who has the most to gain and you’ve found your suspect.) even the Slap Chop / ShamWow guy, Vince.  I’ve seen them all.  I’m telling you, Truth is just as good if not better than all of them.  He convinced me that what I really needed to round out my wardrobe was a Daniel Bryan beard mixed with a Wyatt lamb mask.  Last week I wondered if R-Truth was crazy or brilliant, I think this week we found out.  (Yeah, you’ll notice how I’m evasive to which direction the arrow points on this...)

AJ / Snuka vs Bellas – At least we got an AJ sighting.  Also, it seems that Cena’s Bella is healthy enough to wrestle again, not that “Implant” Bella (I’ve got nothing against implants, it’s just the easiest way to tell them apart) being back to in-ring action means anything to me.  You know what, I’m going to be nice because I don’t have anything good to say about the match or even know what the significance of having it meant so I’ll shut up and say DO SOMETHING MORE WITH AJ.  AJ cut one of the best promos of the year a few weeks back and since then we’ve gotten very little out of it.  One halfway decent PPV match and nothing much more.  Either do something more with her or bury her and the divas until Total Divas comes back, which I’m sure we’ll get a good helping of all the participating women.

Side Note(s) 

Mankind vs Undertaker HitC match 1998 – I can’t believe this match was 15 years ago.  It seemed like only yesterday, that I thought a man had intentionally killed himself for the sake of a wrestling match.  This match came during the Attitude era and during the height of WWF/E, WCW and ECW battles.  I really should devote an entire post to this match but it certainly deserves a quick mention.  This was, and still is, the most insane match I have every seen.  There have been crazier and riskier matches on smaller / more independent showcases and there have been more outlandish stunts performed but this was the match that made me forget that this was a staged entertainment performance and I truly thought Mankind was going to die on a major promoter’s PPV.  To my knowledge, nothing was rigged (such as an airbag’d set or breakaway ring) and all the bumps taken were real.  Here’s a link to the match.  There’s so much to be said but words cannot do it the proper justice, so please watch this match and marvel how riveting, dangerous and amazing (that Mankind lived), and we’ll probably never see the same sort of performance again.  Which in my book is 10% disappointing but 90% a good thing.    

Until next week...

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 10-14-2013

Coming at you from St. Louis, I’m still woozy from a fabulous Dodger win in game three of the NLCS so bare with me if I get weird tonight.  With any luck, I’ll be writing this next week after the Dodgers start play in the World Series.  The stress from watching your favorite team(s) can be too much on the body.  Yet another reason why wrestling is so great, you know there’s a master plan behind it all.  There’s an unspoken agreement between the audience and promoters that we’re all watching a “sporting event” with the fate of each match left to the brave athletes who enter the squared circle.  It also alleviates the ulcer causing stress of gambling on a match.  Although I plead the 5th on having ever bet on a wrestling match.  What happens between you and your bookie, stays between you and your bookie.  It’s like a priest and confessions, except the priest doesn’t threaten to knock you out, take your liver to sell on the black market and leave you in a tub of ice to wake up in when you screw up.  I’m getting off point.  We can share gambling war stories another day.  Go Dodgers!  Back to the wholesome family show of nearly naked, greased up men throwing each other around a ring.  We’re coming off a solid show last week and with Hell in the Cell coming up in two weeks, the chessboard is being set.  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 10/14/2013...

The highs of this RAW were really high but unfortunately, the lows were really low.  To add a little spice, I added some movie and television quotes to each ranking.  So if you don’t like the rankings, at least you’ll be reminded of some great movies. 

1. HHH and Stephanie (3) – (“Say my name.” - Breaking Bad)  Do you think Stephanie rattles off all of HHH’s monickers before they have sex?  I know it would be mandatory if I was the 13 time champ, King of Kings, Cerebral Assassin, etc.  Never mind insecurities.  These two keep knocking it out of the park.  Even in the WTF episode a few weeks ago, they were one of the few things that worked.  It’s too easy to write it off (maybe a pun intended?) as them being the owners and making sure they get the best writing and story.  We’ll never know if that’s 100% the case but we do know that they have to go out there and sell it.  Every week, whether it’s HHH or Stephanie or both, they are the highlight and straw that stirs the drink.  I think it would be an interesting experiment to have Bryan Cranston and Anna Gunn switch places with HHH and Stephanie.  I think you’d find it a lot harder than people think to pull off what HHH and Stephanie do each week in front of a live audience of 15,000+ and on TV around the world.
2. The Shield (1) – (“Normally, both your asses would be dead as fucking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this shit while I'm in a transitional period so I don't wanna kill you, I wanna help you.” - Pulp Fiction)  As weird as this sounds but loosing the tag belts is probably the best thing to happen to The Shield.  It seems that Ambrose is not long to drop his belt as well, which frees The Shield to do anything and get involved in any of the story lines within the WWE.  All the straps helped validate The Shield at first but now it’s time they moved on.  Times change and they’re ready for the next challenge.  Not only did they steal the show with their match against the Rhodes brothers but now they have a clean slate going into Hell in the Cell, which makes them the wild card.  Even if they don’t do anything on that PPV, they’re poised to be a threat to whomever is next in their crosshairs.
3. Randy Orton (2) – (“Drainage! Drainage, Eli, you boy. Drained dry. I'm so sorry. Here, if you have a milkshake, and I have a milkshake, and I have a straw. There it is, that's a straw, you see? You watching?. And my straw reaches acroooooooss the room, and starts to drink your milkshake... I... drink... your... milkshake!” - There Will Be Blood)  St. Louis is RKO’s hometown so you knew he was going to have a good night.  Someone took their acting pills this morning.  RKO and HBK had a nice promo.  Even to his own admission, St. Louisians’ / St. Louis’s / St. Louisner’s (?) aren’t very smart.  So memorizing and performing that great shoot took all of RKO’s power and left him open to a sneak attack by The Miz.  Suddenly a match broke out and to everyone’s shock RKO and Miz were putting on a decent match.  Luckily for RKO, the Wyatt Family came out to distract Miz (oh, how I wish there was an easy way I could convey sarcasm within text).  RKO was on fire tonight.  He beat up on the Miz, he almost cuckold’d both Bellas, he beat down Bryan and if you listen closely as he left the room he was breathing like Darth Vader.  Like him or not, pretty impressive night.  The unavoidable involvement by HBK at Hell in the Cell better be good because I’m fairly hyped about the match all by itself.  As much as I like this RKO and feel this is where he should have been these last few years, he’s become a bully so be prepared for him to loose at Hell in the Cell.   
4. Cody Rhodes & Goldust (4) – (“Ohh, what's really going to bake your noodle later on is, would you still have broken it if I hadn't said anything?” - The Matrix)  It’s been a LONG strange road to get to this tag team and these matches.  If you would have told me in 1999 that Goldust had a brother and they would team up in 2013 for some of the best matches, against a group called The Shield; I would have...well who knows, I was so stoned all the time sure, what the hell.  I’d have believed you.  Seriously, the fact that Goldust looks to be in the best shape he’s been in for years and putting on quality matches is simply amazing.  Cody has certainly made the leap up from directionless mid-carder.  Now that they have the belts, the real work begins.  As noted previously, the Tag division is stacked.  You could go conventionally and have them feud with the Primetime Players or the Usos.  Or you could go in the Wyatt Family direction (hopefully not, see future of Shield).  Or you could have them destroy the barnacles of the WWE by laying to waste the Real Americans, Los Matadores, 3MB, etc. and cleaning house (which thinking about it, they don’t need to waste their time with jobbers).  I’m hoping this is the start of a new golden era of tag matches / feuds.  Then as soon as they drop the belts or have run their course as partners, we’ll finally get the brother vs brother match that Cody and Goldust were meant to have.  I can see Dusty pleading for peace in the family, or better yet PICKING A SIDE!  Too. Many. Possibilities. Ma’ brain hurts thinking about it.  The best part, the wrestling should be awesome.
5. CM Punk (6) – (“Now I am the master.” - Star Wars)  There’s no way Punk should have even come close to the 5:44 time to beat in the Beat the Clock match with Axel.  I was shocked the match lasted longer than 1 minute.  It would have been great, and I would have loved to see the look on Heyman’s face, if Punk just super-kicked Axel upon entering the ring and finished him in 5 seconds (2 seconds for the kick and 3 for the count).  A surprisingly solid match, just like the R-Truth / Ryback match earlier in the show.  With Punk’s win, we learned that the Hell in the Cell match would not only be a triple threat match but also a Hell in the Cell match (what a shocker).  Really, shouldn’t each match on the card be a Hell in the Cell match?!?!  What am I missing here?  Why is this not the case already?  Regardless, I don’t know what Heyman, Ryback and assumably Axel will bring to a Hell in the Cell match but I’d put my money on Punk carrying the load to an excellent match. 
6. Alberto Del Rio (8) – (“Oh Ron, there are literally thousands of other men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you.” - Anchorman)  It was an odd selection to have ADR interrupt Bryan’s walk to the ring to confront HHH and Stephanie.  ADR has a litany of other wrestlers to feud with but this attack does suit his heel persona.  If it’s only for the week and it means we get a solid match between the two very capable in-ring performers, I can dig it.  Dare I say, ADR was the better performer in his match with Bryan.  ADR has a tremendous amount of potential and at his best, he’s a solid threat for the WWE strap.  Meanwhile he’s kicking ass with the World belt and this match only strengthened ADR’s “brand.”  The eventual ADR / Sandow (MITB holder) arc should be good...if it EVER comes... I’m almost sure that I really like ADR, maybe?
7. Daniel Bryan (6) – (“Maybe you haven't been keeping up on current events, but we just got our asses kicked, pal!” - Aliens)  As you’ll read further down, HBK is certainly going to involve himself in Hell in the Cell.  You also had Bryan’s do his mandatory Divas involvement due to Brie’s beat down.  There was no reason for a Bryan / ADR match but as you can imagine it was a quality bout.  That said, things are not all rainbows for our hero.  RKO demolished him and I’ve got a feeling Hell in the Cell is going to be a miracle for him to make it out with a win.  But that’s why they play the game (or in this case, write the scripts) because you never know.  Bryan is the perfect underdog for Vince McMahon.  I expect him to win the belt at Hell in the Cell.   
8. Heyman (8) – (“I'm the man up in this piece. You'll never see the light of... who the fuck do you think you're fucking with? I'm the police, I run shit around here. You just live here. Yeah, that's right, you better walk away. Go on and walk away... 'cause I'm gonna' burn this motherfucker down. King Kong ain't got shit on me. That's right, that's right. Shit, I don't, fuck. I'm winning anyway, I'm winning... I'm winning any motherfucking way. I can't lose. Yeah, you can shoot me, but you can't kill me.” - Training Day)  I’m sure when Mario Puzo and Francis Ford Coppola were making The Godfather they envisioned that one day, a line from their movie would be the centerpiece to a promo by Paul Heyman and Brad Maddox.  ONLY Paul Heyman could use a Godfather quote so perfectly and yet so slimy that it works for the show.  It would be like a bum performing a one man show of Macbeth at the offramp of the 101 freeway while panhandling for change.  Is it necessary, NO.  Will it get me to give the bum some money, YES.  Don’t ever tell me that the WWE doesn’t know it caters to all spectrums of viewership.  What other show, within a 5 minute segment, has a man pull a sock painted like a snake pulled out of his underwear (to be use as a weapon no less) and then quotes lines from the greatest movie of all time.  What is more important than giving movie lovers an Easter egg, we learned the stipulation to Punk’s Hell in the Cell match thanks to the exchange and set up between Heyman and Maddox.  Heyman got the short end of the stick and will be fighting for his life in a Hell in the Cell match.  Even though he should have all the advantages, plus whatever dirty tricks he pulls out, isn’t it about time Punk finish this?  Or are we going to drag this out to Survivor Series?  The hubris of Heyman is what’s so incredible.  No matter how bleak things are, you always feel he’s going to find a way out of the trouble he get’s himself into.
9. Shawn HBK Michaels (N/A) – (“I see dead people.” - The Sixth Sense)  A big error from last week was made when I left HBK off the Power Rankings.  The truth is that I didn’t think much of his guest appearance at the time and didn’t think it was worth mentioning.  Of course it was inevitable that “the fan vote” would go in his direction.  It wasn’t until I talked to my friend, The Oracle of Wrestling Freddie D, that I was shown the light.  The possibilities are endless and the clues were thrown at you like a monkey lobbing his shit at the zoo.  HBK trained Daniel Bryan...  HBK is HHH’s best friends... HBK came to a show outside the state of Texas...  To set up that he’s going to be the guest ref at Hell in the Cell... Now he opens RAW this week?  Of course something is going to happen with HBK and the Hell in the Cell match.  It’s like the end of The Sixth Sense where you’re like, duh, how stupid could I be?!
10. The Big Show (14) – (“We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when add up all those inches, that's gonna make the fucking difference between winning and losing! Between living and dying! I'll tell you this, in any fight it's the guy whose willing to die whose gonna win that inch.” - Any Given Sunday)  All it took was a minute of screen time and three knockout punches for Big Show to make his presence felt.  This was the best Big Show appearance in years.  Also the shortest.  It goes to show that it’s not how much time you get but what you do with that time.  The Big Show is best in small doses and doled out slow and steady
11. Dolph Ziggler (9) – (“I'm looking forward to seeing you in action. Jack says you've got a great big cock.” - Boogie Nights) There’s no doubt that Ziggler is a star.  Unfortunately he’s be stuck with nothing to do and in limbo between tiers.  But there might be some hope yet.  On a, once proud Saturday night, show called Main Even?  On a channel called ION?  It looks like Ziggler will face Ambrose for the US belt.  Ambrose doesn’t need the strap to help his, and the Shield’s, story lines.  This could help give Ziggler some direction.  I might have to find this channel and see what becomes of this match... who are we kidding, I’ll wait until next RAW to see whose wearing the strap.  But I am excited to see these two go at it and I hope Ziggler wins.  This would be “good business.”
12. R-Truth (17) – (“We might just make it. Did that thought ever cross your brain? Well, regardless, I would rather take my chance out there on the ocean than to stay here and die on this shithole island, spending the rest of my life talking...TO A GODDAMN VOLLEYBALL!” - Cast Away)  I don’t know if R-Truth is really crazy or just plays it on TV.  I don’t know if R-Truth is actually a friend of Punk or if it’s just part of the story line of each character but in an odd way it makes sense.  While CM Punk seems to delight in being the anarchist of the WWE, R-Truth has always seemed to be a lunatic.  Lately, he seems like he’s become a dependable part of the “stable” of wrestlers (see what I did there?).  Maybe he and / or the WWE has decided that there’s potential in R-Truth to be at least a solid mid-carder.  Every second in a Beat the Clock match is inherently interesting but the 5:44 match that he had with Ryback wasn’t bad.  You knew he was going to loose but having said that, it was a good match.
13. Ryback / Curtis Axel (13/18) – (“You're fuckin' right you made a bad mistake. 'Cause if you come back here, if we catch either one of ya, we're gonna break your fuckin' heads and you won't walk out of here. You see that fuckin' saw? We're gonna use it. We don't fuck around in this place. You got it? Get outta here.” - Casino)  Tied together in two Beat the Clock matches.  This quote really should come after Hell in the Cell.  I get the feeling Punk is going to beat down one, if not all three, of these guys.  Like I said in Heyman’s rankings, it’s inevitable that it will happen now or at the next PPV.  Where all sides go after this, that’s the biggest question?  After the big show down, I’m confident that Punk and Heyman can swim, I don’t know what’s to become of either Ryback or Axel?
14. The Wyatt Family (12) – (“No, Donny, these men are nihilists. There's nothing to be afraid of.” - The Big Lebowski)  I’m a Wyatt fan.  I want them to succeed.  They need to do something more than just cut the same promo and come out at end of other people’s matches, only to do nothing.  At the moment they’re all smoke and mirrors.  It seems their next victim is going to be Miz.  While there’s nothing about this matchup that gets me excited, at least it gives both sides something to do and a direction.  It’s only the first week so I’ll let this situation breath.  Cross my fingers.  Maybe we’ll get a few good matches, lest you forget Miz was once the WWE Champion.  NO really, he was the champ for a, albeit short, period of time.
15. The Miz (N/A) – (“Never give up. Never surrender.” - Galaxy Quest)  In a classic tit-for-tat, Miz submarined RKO in Orton’s hometown.  For the first few minutes they put on a solid match until Miz was distraction by a Wyatt Family interuption.  It seems that the Bray Wyatt has chosen Miz to be his next victim (The previous victim, Kane, who needed a reason to be off TV to film Hear No Evil 2. So does that mean we’re getting a vacation for Miz to show The Marine 4?  One can only hope.)  Regardless of reason, it seems we’re headed for a Wyatt / Miz showdown.  My initial reaction is that Miz better get ready to do a lot of “jobbing” in the coming weeks.  Let’s all keep in mind, this man started his career as a cast member of The Real World.  He’s probably the most successful person to come out of that show?  At least the top three?  I’m not going to count out an alum from The Challenge.
16. Santino (HM) – (“You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders - The most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia" - but only slightly less well-known is this: "Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line"! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha...” - The Princess Bride)  Finally, a semi-serious match for the great Santino!  The Fandango gimmick might not be the most hardcore of characters but as discussed, he’s a solid in-ring performer.  Depending on how he’s used, Santino is a joke.  It just pisses me off that they’re wasting a talented wrestler that will obviously do whatever the WWE wants.  He’s always so close to greatness but always so far away...
17. Fandango (15) – (“My son's a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son.” - Heathers)  Just when Fandango thought he was going to get hot, he runs into the buzz-saw known as Santino!  Is there term for when you win the match due to the other guys bad gimmick gone wrong?  Then to waste the old distracted-by-the-valet act in the same finish, now I know they don’t know what to do with these guys.  The fans seem to love him.  Surely, Fandango is selling merch because otherwise, why would he still be taking up precious minutes on RAW?  As I say that, it must not be that packed of a show with #19 & #20 also taking up time on the show. 
18. Tons of Funk (N/A) – (“Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!” - Animal House)  The ensemble cast of Funkasaurus, Sweet-T and the Funkadactyls now travels under the nomenclature of Tons of Funk.  There are some in this world that would substitute Funk with Shit but the kid in me still likes them.  Also, once again, I’m able to change the words the song and prance around my house singing, “someone call Byrd’s momma, (my cat’s name).”  Hey, it’s no dumber than The Real Americans gimmick and sadly less offensive.  Tons of Funk is just silly at most.  If you took the kids gimmick away and had just the two wrestlers, they’d prove to be decent opponents.  Who knows where this team ends up.  I know that we’re stuck with them for a while since the ladies of this team are part of the Total Divas show.  We might as well embrace them and try to make the best of whatever they end up doing.
19. Los Matadores with El Torito (19) – (“My art... keeps me sane.” - Scanners) It’s the third week of the El Torito experience and the second week that they’ve gone against 3MB.  The only good thing I can say is at least these fools are fighting equally irrelevant fools.  I don’t know how I’m going to handle life when they’re fighting a real tag team and El Torito takes out a Shield member for the win.  Someone will have to tell my girlfriend how to clean blood off the couch when my head explodes like this guy from Scanners. 
20. 3MB (20) – (“Well, ya see, sir.  I understand you’re lookin’ for sparrin’ partners for Apollo and I jus’ want ta let ya know that I am very available.” - Rocky)  The only difference between this week and last is that it was a different pairing of 2 of the 3MB-ers, please don’t ask me to figure out who’s who.  I have much more important things to think about in life.  Like, if I have to watch more of these Los Matadores  / 3MB matches, do I kill myself by asphyxiation or bullet to the head?  At this point these guys are nothing but meat.  They’re in shape, they fit the jobber mold, they do as their told and they keep cashing checks.  I can’t stand them but you have to give them some credit.  They’ve made themselves useful.  The government might still be shutdown and many people are not working, but these guys are cashing checks.

Honorable Mentions

Komen.org – Great cause. Go donate.  If not to the Susan G. Komen charity, donate to something.  Even if it’s $20, it won’t hurt you and you’ll feel good.  Animal rescue, AIDS cure, Project Angel Food, a wildlife preservation, etc.  Find something that you care about and donate.  Check online that your donation is going to a solid non-profit and give.  You always want the Karma meter on your side.

Brad Maddox – (“He made you look ridiculous and a man in you position, Mr. Maddox, cannot afford to be made look ridiculous.” - The Godfather, with some liberties with the pronouns.)  You know what, I’m proud of Maddox.  He held his own with Heyman.  Keep cashing those check my man.  Keep cashing those checks.

AJ and the Divas – The only Diva that I care to watch wrestle or speak is AJ, so what do we get?  AJ standing ringside during a forgetable Divas match with no lines and only a last minute involvement in the match.  OK, I’ll give a fraction of credit to Snuka’s Daughter because maybe she’ll have some wrestling prowess in her.  Unfortunately she doesn’t fit the WWE Diva “mold” so like many of the potential women wrestlers, I gather the countdown has begun to her ultimately being cut.  Just give us more AJ or leave them off the show.

Side Note(s)

I must make a correction.  During the WTF rankings a few weeks ago and the subsequent rankings, I referred to the last PPV as Battlefield.  In fact the name of the PPV was Battleground.  I sincerely apologize for the mistake although no one seemed to notice or care.  I can only chalk this up to the fact that Battleground was a clusterfuck of a mess and no one cared.  If they even have this PPV next year I’ll do my best not to mess up the name.  Or maybe I just watched too many Battlefield 4 commercials and got confused.  What ever the case may be, my bad.  Not only am I too lazy to go back and fix the mistake, but the show was so bad and caused so many issues I refuse to fix it on moral principles.  If you don’t stand for anything, you stand for nothing.

Is it bad that I’d rather see a WWE2K14 match of Virtual Undertaker defending his Wrestlemania streak than half the real matches each week.  The debate on what / who should break ‘Taker’s streak is more controversial than Obamacare (and I know I’d rather see a 2 hour debate on that).

Zeb threaten to expose the truth about El Torito.  I won’t waste my time writing about the rest of this nonsense except 1) I think I might agree with Zeb about how horrible Los Matadores and El Torito are, and 2) the only thing that would be funny is if it turns out that El Torito isn’t mini bull but in fact a HUGE rat (you know like the story of the old lady who thought she bought a Chihuahua in Mexico only for it to be a giant rat).

Until next week...