WWE Power Rankings, RAW 11-25-2013

Coming at you from Long Island, last night was an unimaginative Survivor Series PPV.  It wasn't so much of a bad PPV (match by match), rather it was just boring and uninspired.  There wasn’t much difference between last week’s RAW and the PPV, except on RAW we got the 12-man match that we would have liked to have seen at Survivor Series.  There was no excitement and all the matches went according to prediction.  The “surprise” return of Mark Henry was called correctly by my friend Freddy D “The Oracle” even down to the timing, execution of the bit and the finish of the match.  Everything was just too predictable.  There was one shot that my whole crew thought, if executed, would have been the surprise move of the night.  Once Punk and Bryan won their match, there was an odd exchange between the two winners and Bray Wyatt.  Bryan dropped to his knees and was challenging him while Punk stood eerily behind him.  What a perfect time for a kick to the back of Bryan’s head and for Punk to turn heel again (finally).  The participants were all set, the cameras were in place but nothing ended up happening.  That wouldn’t have saved the PPV from the bore-fest it became but it would have at least been something to talk about.  “Boring” was loudly shouted by the crowd during the Big Show / RKO match, which I can’t imagine was what the WWE was hoping for during the main event.  By the end, the crowd had full right to call the PPV bullshit.  All the champs retained their titles in easy fashion.  The traditional Survivor Series matches all went as envisioned.   My crew and I had a 30 minute debate over the top rap albums of the 90’s which was far more entertaining (more on this later).  

OK, so what?  It’s not the first PPV to suck and it won’t be the last.  It certainly wasn’t the worst PPV ever.  It was just very vanilla.  

One last complaint, a more serious business-side complaint, is that the WWE is screwing over the PPV buyers.  More and more, the WWE is putting on the exact same match on RAW the very next night as they did on the PPV.  I don’t mind if you want to give away a good match before the PPV (i.e. the 12-man tag on 11/18) but don’t have the same matches the next night free on RAW when a good portion of your audience just paid to see those matches at $60 a pop.  If Vince wants to complain about buy-rates on conference calls, maybe its because the WWE has made it unnecessary to buy the PPV.  There are too many PPVs per year and you undercut your own product.  You’ll see this throughout the rankings.  If I didn’t order the $60 Survivor Series, it would have been ok because I got a mini version of EVERY match from Sunday, free on Monday with the same winners.  That’s my two-second business complaint which has nothing to do with the wrestlers or the story telling.    

This is all about fun.  I was surrounded by good friends, lots of food and a second screen had the Patriots / Broncos game on (talk about a busy night for the Boston area).  OH, and this happened…

How could Mark Henry be in two places at once?  I doubt any of your parties had their own Sexual Chocolate appearances last night!  He’s magic.  And that's a 70-inch big screen just so you know we had the real deal!

Let’s have some fun.  Last night is in the rearview mirror and we’re just a hop-skip-and-a-jump away from Royal Rumble.  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 11/25/2013…

1. The Shield (1) – Ambrose got the short end of the stick during their ‘Series match and Reigns got the biggest spotlight.  Regardless, they were in the best match at the PPV.  They were even better on RAW vs Rhodes Family & Mysterio.  While I hope The Shield stays together for as long as possible, I know the WWE will eventually break them up, but until then cherish what you’re watching.  Reigns might be the eventual singles champ and have the highest career ceiling, Rollins is the absolute glue / workhorse and Ambrose is nearing Ziggler-level at selling spots.  I can’t recall one team working so well together on a consistent basis.  Not even brothers like the Rhodes or the Usos look so natural together and hit all their marks so perfectly week after week.  I’m so gay for The Shield.  Let’s not gloss over how they snuck in and laid out Punk.  I don’t know why they went after Punk or why the Wyatts took Bryan but if they can somehow turn a hostage exchange gone wrong into a feud with The Wyatts, they’ll go down as the best of all time.
2. RKO (2) – One of the “for sure things” that was going to happen at the PPV was some sort of overbooking of the WWE Championship match.  By coming out and not interfering with the WWE match, HHH and Stephanie interfered.  All of which was to lead up to the question “Who is the Face of the WWE?”  The final stare down between WWE champ RKO and World champ Cena set the ball rolling to a rumored unification match.  I know we’ve scene RKO / Cena before but not Champ vs Champ, in a TLC match and while RKO is at the peak of being the last true heel and Cena as the real face of the WWE / Super Cena.
3. Goldust and Cody Rhodes (1) – The Rhodes boys are consummate professionals and looked really solid.  I only wished they gave more character development time to Cody and Goldust.  I certainly miss Goldust’s antics.  If it’s true that we’re headed to a brother vs brother match at WM30, they can save their story-calories now because all it takes is a twist here, a turn there and a misplaced punch to the face at the Rumble for them to drop the belts and get the ball rolling for their feud.  A quick side note to the Goldust character.  I’m so happy Dustin Rhodes came back as The Gold One and not just lame Dustin Rhodes.  But a good question came up at our PPV nerd conclave, “How confusing is Goldust to the post-Attitude era generation of wrestling fans?”  Sure, everyone of my elk knows who Goldust is and his background.  He was Lady Gaga before Lady Gaga played her first note on the piano or wore her first meat-dress.  There’s been no mention of the sexuality of his character, obviously they’re not going to bring up his ex-wife Terri Runnels (who was one of the first women of the Attitude era) even though she was a big part of his character or the previous incarnations that included mental illness and various physical ticks.  My point being, what the hell do kids 15 and under think of Cody Rhodes’ brother?  They must wonder why the hell is he dressed like that and why when he cuts a promo it’s always some off the wall nonsense?   Nothing that makes Goldust, Goldust is ever brought up.  This is a subject for another day but seeing him interact with Michael Strahan reminded me of how bat-shit crazy he used to be, how it’s never addressed and what does the younger generation know of and think of the character Goldust?
4. John Cena (4) – Even my girlfriend, a huge Cena fan, was wondering what he was doing chasing after the “second tier” belt?  At least we have some answers to why ADR got jobbed so fast and what was the purpose of Cena having the World strap.  A long awaited unification match between Cena and RKO, or so we’re to believe someone has long been awaiting this unification.  Whatever…Super Cena pulls out the victory at ‘Series and is now on track to regain this throne as Face of the WWE and soon to be it’s unified champion.  You’d hope RKO has a chance but taking a step back, Super Cena having the unified belt(s) would polarize Cena even further.  I was surprise by the boos in Boston but it led to a great shot at the end with Cena (the most aware and most comfortable in his own skin wrestler) holding up his retained belt in front of 10 hardcore fans with huge Cena Suck signs.  I appreciate that he knows he has two audiences and plays with them both equally well.  No other wrestler so divided a crowd and at the same time had both sides of the divide go apeshit.  
5. CM Punk (1) – Who knew Punk was good on a mic??????  It’s been far too long since we’ve gotten a promo from Punk.  If you’ve picked up on my sarcasm, you can guess he killed it.  You forget that when Punk is given the time and is properly motivated, he really is “the best in the world” at lighting pipe bombs and putting on great matches (although he needs a better finisher than the GTS).  I don’t have a read on what’s going on between him and the Wyatts.  I can’t tell you where or how his relationship with Bryan is going to end up.  All I know is that if Punk’s inner spark plug is cranked up again, we (the audience) will be the better for it.  While his feud with Heyman was epic, Heyman was the star of that.  Punk was made to fight the likes of Ryback and Axel, who did not bring out the best in Punk.  Punk looks fully engaged and I’m excited to see what’s upcoming.
6. The Wyatt Family (1) – Yet another rematch of the previous night’s PPV.  It might not be today, tomorrow or the day after that but at some point, the PPV buying audience will revolt against this ass-fisting from the WWE.  Back to the Wyatts (it’s not them who book these matches), they have more abandoned plot lines than Lost had.  Who is sister Abigail?  Who is the “devil” that makes them do things?  Why do they light a gas lantern, blow it out, come out with a “turned on” electric lantern, then BLOW out the electric lantern and how does that act turn on and off the lights of the arena?  Is there any significance to Rowan wearing a gas station attendant’s uniform?  Does he supplement his income by working on the other wrestler’s cars?  What’s the purpose of the lamb mask?  How does Bray Wyatt, who lives in a swamp, keep his white pants so fresh and so clean clean?  Now that they have Bryan, what’s going to happen with him?  Why did they go after Punk in the first place?  What did they do with Kane?  The list of questions goes on and on…but I’m still a fan.  (FYI, I was a fan of Lost all the way to the final episode too, which I loved.  Interpret that info however you’d like.)
7. Daniel Bryan (1) – You have to feel a little sorry for Bryan.  He’s a skilled wrestler.  He’s got a gimmick that’s popular beyond my comprehension.  Few have worked as hard to get were he’s gotten.  Yet next to Punk, he’s still an amateur.  Other than all that, he’s fine.  As with Punk, I have no idea what’s going on with him and the Wyatts.
8. Big E Langston and Mark Henry (8/N/A) – As stated, one of the biggest pet peeves my crew has is that we pay $60 for a match on PPV and the very next night you get the same match for free on RAW.  This time, the WWE squished together the Henry / Ryback and the Big E / Axel matches.  What’s worse is that I enjoyed this superpower group better than either of the PPV singles matches.  Big E and Henry aren’t on “Watch the Throne” level pop-culturally but they’re certainly the strongest supergroup ever.  While both wrestlers can be creatively attractive individually, Big E could be TAZ 2.0 and Henry’s “This is what I Do” persona, they might be awesome together.  Neither seems to be on a path for a tag team run but I wouldn’t be against seeing what these two could do in the tag team mix.  Oh well, in another life I guess (or wait six months, it’s wrestling for god’s sake, anything could happen).
9. HHH and Stephanie (3) – They’ve become difficult to rank.  I love them, even with limited screen time, and the whole WWE universe rotates around their actions.  The problem is that their performance has been the same week after week.  Maybe I should lower my expectations.  After all, they are actually running the show and let’s not forget how out of hand it used to get when Vince seemed to have his hands in every plot line.  They’re always integral in the WWE championship and are usually the stars of most of the back stage shenanigans.  They’re now spearheading the unification plans for the two championships (which should strengthen the US and IC belts in the long run).  As far as their importance, they rank near the top.  As far as their quality of work, they’ve been fabulous.  Where’s the problem?  It’s the same each week.  Don’t get me wrong, the week they weren’t there I missed them terribly.  They need to switch it up, maybe just go all out and be directly involved in every match or sit ringside all night or split up and each handle half the roster.  They’re too good to waste on the same bit each week.  Every once in a while they, as the show runners, need to throw a curveball.  Maybe they’ll flop here and there but HHH and Stephanie have proven to be more than capable.  If I was going to trust anyone and give someone the benefit of the doubt, it would be HHH and Stephanie.  Go on you crazy kids, try something new.
10. Dolph Ziggler (12) – I thought the burying of Ziggler had run its course last week when he and Sandow had to fight in a honky-tonk match (it’s up to you if you want to waste your time finding the real name of that match, I’ve got masturbating to do and fires to set).  You’ve got to give both wrestlers credit for turning chicken-shit into chicken-salad (I think that’s the phrase but I didn’t grow up on a farm and I’m not a fan of mayo so I’m not sure).  As you’ve probably gathered, I’m all about direction and good wrestlers doing well.  Once is a chance, twice is a coincidence and a third time is a charm…(I don’t know what’s up with me and these saying?).  Anyway, what was a one time mess looks to be a multi-week mess BUT it spawns a nice feud between two wrestlers that have been underutilized.  Having said that, and knowing they split the first two matches of this horrible trilogy, we’ve at least a mother week of these fan voted matches.  Then two more weeks until the TLC PPV which hopefully will conclude this feud, leaving both wrestlers in a better spot than they are now.  Hopefully. 
11. Damien Sandow (13) – In yet another stupid fan chosen match (at this point, I don’t believe there is a fan vote or if it matters because what’s the difference between a street fight, lumberjack or hard core match?  na’thing!) and yes, to answer the question given, Sandow is above this.  Neither he nor Ziggler deserve this treatment.  But someone has to throw themselves on the “we need to push more people to the app” grenade.  Let’s all be grateful it’s two wrestlers that can make these silly matches somewhat entertaining.  At the end of the day, I have the same hope and optimism for Sandow as I do for Ziggler, but since I have to put them in an order, Ziggler is better.
12. Rey Mysterio (N/A) – It’s been said, Rey isn’t 100% healthy and the eye test tells me to believe the rumors.  He’s not popping up during his entrances and in both the PPV and tonight on RAW he looked like he was squeezing every drop into the few spots he participated in.  It’s nice to have him back.  The kids have someone they can relate to and scream for.  I don’t know how much staying power he can have if he’s not flying around the ring and being able to put on a solo 10 minute match.
13. Kofi Kingston (14) – Dressed in blue merch from head to toe (it must mean he now gets a cut from sales), he looks like dreadlocks-smurf.  It’s a funny thing, I’d roll my eyes at yet another “angry black man” by the WWE but in this case I want Kofi to get a little more badass.  Angry Kofi kicks ass and his character would be better served with a little edge.  If this feud with Miz leaves Kofi with a chip on his shoulder and Miz as the heel that we mark fans liked, I’m happy.  Sure it was trust upon us in less time than it takes for Daniel Bryan to be stripped of a title win but it’s all a means to an end.  One of the hot topics at the nerd conclave, I mean our wrestling party, was that the WWE roster as a whole is thin.  However we can get bigger and better characters, I’m all for.
14. The Miz / Titus O’Neil / Michael Strahan (15/M.I.A./special guest) – One of the all-time Miz TV host of all-time…wait what?  Yeah, Miz got a little carried away with himself.  It’s not every day you get the black Regis on your fake WWE TV show.  The adrenaline must have been pumping.  The recent heel turn for Miz was as sudden as it was needed.  Say what you will about Miz, he was aimlessly floating around but at least now, as a heel, he’s got something to do and assumably somewhere to go.  Bringing out Titus O’Neil as Michael Strahan let Miz push his heel turn (and remind people of his résumé) and also proved that O’Neil wasn’t dead or fired (just last week I HM’d the Prime Time Players).  Now if only we could get Darren Young out of the WWE closet.  I wonder what’s harder to overcome, coming out of THE closet or get stuck in the WWE closet?  Or hardest yet would be to bail out of a bad bit?  Luckily, Miz was back out later in the night to take on Kofi.  It was a solid match.  I won’t bitch about it being another rematch from the PPV because it was part of the free pre-show.  
15. Alberto Del Rio (5) – This poor bastard has the worse timing.  It seems like every time ADR is about to take off, something or someone comes up and derails his push.  ADR won the World belt and was set to take on and uplift the second tier wrestlers.  All of the sudden, Cena comes back early and instantly takes the strap and ADR is closer to being buried than to ascending to greatness.  At least now we know why the championship changed so fast and why Cena had to win it.  As with many things in the WWE universe, there’s a bigger picture.  I don’t know where this leaves ADR?  I’m leaning toward liking the unification storyline, the problem is one less championship which means one less thing for the wrestlers to accomplish.  It means the writers have to come up with more engaging story lines that don’t only involve wrestlers chasing a title.  There just isn’t enough gold to go around. 
16. R-Truth and Xavier Woods (10) – In what has become the most unlikely and mind-blowing arc, we’re in week two of the Ron Killings mentorship program.  Xavier Woods took over Sweet T’s spot?  As silly as the Funkasaurus gimmick is to us older folks, you’ve got to feel bad for Brodus Clay because Clay was talked about but didn’t even come out to his own music and valets.  In the wrestling world, that’s like straight pissing on someone.  Maybe this will lead to Clay and Sweet-T taking on Woods and Truth to get their gimmick back?  Or maybe this is the WWE version of a reboot?  Whatever’s going on, it’s all a little odd.  Xavier Woods is the kind of character that personifies the WWE’s racial insensitivity that I’ve grown up on, which means he has already earn a little place in my heart.  Go on with your bad self Mr. Woods.
17. The Big Show (11) – Best in small doses.  That’s why the RAW match worked better than the PPV match.  I’ll abide by the same rule for his ranking.  Better in small doses.  The end, NEXT…
18. Curtis Axel and Ryback (17/16) – What can be said about these two that NOBODY is saying.  These two are the black holes of the WWE universe.  They suck in all the light and fun until it’s crushed into nothing but smashed particles.  Even that sounds too much like a good wrestling metaphor.  I don’t know and don’t care what either of these two are doing.  Wake me up when Goldberg comes back to fight Ryback.  Or they reanimate Mr. Perfect’s corpse to fight Axel.  Oh, note to self, send Zombie wrestler dad vs Human son idea to Walking Dead writers.  Better note to self, write new buddy cop movie: Zombie dad and Human son in buddy cop movie called “Cemetery Hills Cop” or “Stop or My Dead Dad Will Shoot” or “Bullet to the Head 2: Death is Only Temporary” or “Not Without My Slaughter.”  Note to self, work on title.
19. 3MB (19) – Sooooo can someone tell me how 3MB suddenly appeared on my TV?  I was watching R-Truth, Xavier Woods and the Funkadactyls.  Then suddenly 3MB was at ringside.  Ditching their great gimmick of a new persona each week based on the city they’re in was disappointing.  Could it be there’s nothing to do you do for Long Island?  Nah, they could have all three members dressed up like Fran Drescher.  See, for anyone under 30, there was a show called The Nanny (not to be confused with the Hulk Hogan film vehicle from the 90’s) which was inexplicably very popular.  It was during a time when you only had 125 channels of TV and before internet.  I know, the horror.  How did we live as people with only 125 TV channels and NO internet?  It was a simpler time.  Back then there was only one ESPN and the only interactivity was a channel called The Box.  Here’s a pic that sums up everything you need to know about 3MB.  Three random dudes, not looking that thrilled to be at work.  The one unfortunate soul that has to wrestle has the look every old male porn star has, “Well, I ain’t getting any younger and someone has to cash this check.  Let’s do this.  Is she clean?  Aww, who cares.  Let’s get this over with.  I get paid up front.”
    
20. Real Divas vs Total Divas ‘Series match (N/A) – remember when I said the WWE was stealing from buyers of their PPVs when they put on the same match the next night free on RAW?  Well, I would say they did it again but who watched the Divas match at Survivor Series anyway?  In all seriousness, I’ll take off my sexist cap and give the broads the same respect.  To put on the exact same match, EXACT SAME, is stealing from the PPV audience.  Although, it was funny last night that between half a dozen hardcore wrestling fans no one could name all the women on Team AJ.  Very reminiscent of the 2007 Cleveland Cavaliers.  Is this match still going on?  I close my eyes and I feel like I can still see this match burned into my corneas.  Special shout out to Naomi (or whatever her real name is on Total Divas) she’s shown a glimpse of in-ring talent.  It wouldn't be fair if I didn’t point that out.  

Honorable Mentions

SAN-TIN-OOOOOO – How dare the Long Island crowd chant bullshit during a Santino bit.  Sure it made no sense, but you do not boo the Great Santino!

The Kosher Butcher – All I’ve got to say is that guy must have donated a shit-ton of money to get that spot and was allowed to do whatever he wanted in the third hour of RAW.  There’s a roster of employees who would kill each other to get that much face time on RAW.  Congrats and thank you for your generous donation to hurricane Sandy relief.

Mick Foley – The hardcore salesman.  I will always love and respect Cactus Jack / Mankind / Dude Love but he wasn’t the best pitchman during this run of salesman one-upmanship.  To be honest, Foley is much more interesting when you hear him interviewed out of character and he gets to be just Mick Foley.

The birth of Christ – I don’t particularly give weight to the whole “war on christmas” thing but if there was any evidence that someone wanted to give me that this “war” existed, I’d advise using Christmas Bounty as exhibit A.  Easter can’t get here fast enough so that Jesus can die (only to come back and die again; that’s quite a religion you’ve got there) so as to not be subjugated to the mockery wwe’ve made of his birth.

500 lbs – Is it me or did Big Show loose weight?  Not in an actual physical way but it seemed that all night everyone made sure they said Big Show weighed 450 pounds.  I thought the idea was that he was 7 feet tall and 500 pounds, which made him a giant.  Now he’s only 450 lbs?  Does the WWE have a new campaign for fitness?  Is Big Show insulted by being called 500 lbs and wanted to be called 450 (as if it makes a difference)?  Was being called 500 lbs causing him to have problems enrolling in Obamacare?  I want to know what the reason for the weight change?

Side Note(s)

As mentioned earlier, there was a lively debate over 90’s rap albums.  We’re trying to put a podcast together to best break this down, but in the meantime I’ll be putting up a link to a post later this week because we NEED YOUR HELP.  The debate got intense and heated.  Top 10 lists were being thrown around like Wu-Tang ninja stars.  To help us settle this debate, and feel free to add to it, I’ll be posting three separate lists, the authors of each list will be redacted so we can get a non biased answer to who had the best Top-10 (w/ 5 honorable mentions) 90’s rap albums.  It will go up later this week and hopefully you can help declare a winner.  More to come…

Have a happy and safe Thanksgiving weekend.  It’s my favorite holiday of the year.  I cook, I eat, I watch lot of TV and get 4 days to relax.  In a former life it was one of the best sports gambling weekends of the year, but that’s for another blog and another day.  In all seriousness, we live in the best country in the world and even though times are tough and the world seems like a huge broken down mess (you can’t turn on the news without a Xanax prescription but if you don’t have one they’ll have an ad for Cymbalta you can ask your doctor about), things could always be worse.  There isn’t a person in Syria, Congo, Bolivia or any other war torn or impoverish country that wouldn't change places with the poorest person in the United States and for the freedoms we have.  

Until next week…

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 11-18-2013

Coming at you from Nashville, this week’s RAW has gone “Country.”  My entire life, I’ve always felt that wrestling’s heart had always landed in a “red state” even though millions of fans live in the city.  The WWE says New York is it’s biggest stage / home (namely MSG but could soon be Barclay’s) but when someone says they’re going to see professional wrestling, don’t tell me your first thought isn’t of some hillbilly toothlessly screaming at a ‘raslin show?  To have a special night that’s “country” is stupid, especially when this is the “go home show” before the Survivor Series PPV.  We have enough on our plate that we don’t need to work country songs and acts into the show.  Besides, what fan of country music is going to tune into RAW for the first time because it’s in Nashville?  People come to the whore house for the whores, it don’t matter if they’re singing Sweet Home Alabama or Wisconsin Death Trip, just as long as the whores know how to fuck.  As city-folk, I’m not interested in this country show and I’d guarantee you’ll never see a RAW that’s gone “inner-city” or “street”.  Back to this being the “go home show” before the PPV, we’ve got some great matches that need the final setup AND I’m very interested in what HHH and Stephanie’s return will mean for the various matches and story lines.  The end of last week’s show was so great, we don’t need any silly gimmicks.  This is the third “go home show” in a row that’s been suspect.  If Vince is worried about buy-rates and PPV main events, work on the wrestling story lines and not the arena.  I’ll go out on a limb and say that the crowd in Boston (where Survivor Series is taking place) doesn’t share the musical tastes of those in Nashville but both want a good wrestling show.  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 11/18/2013…

I will say, the plus side of having this “country” night, I got to fast forward through a lot of stupid country music crap that normally would have gone to in-depth RAW breakdowns.  It made the night go much faster and my job a little easier.  On the negative side, this week’s Power Rankings won’t be the normal 4,000+ words, so really it’s my loyal reader who are doubly punished with this horrible needless country gimmick.  I apologize on behalf of the WWE to all of you.

Also, keep in mind the rankings are a little skewed because almost all the top talent were only involved in the main event and table setter for this weekend’s PPV.

1. 12-man Extravaganza featuring The Shield / The Wyatts vs Punk / Bryan / Usos / Cody and Goldust (1/2/3/4/5) – AKA the battle of the entrance themes.  The beginning of this match reminds me of days gone by when every great wrestler had to top each other with their entrance music / routine.  I’d normally be against tag teams “jaw-jacking” but when tensions between The Shield and Wyatts start to flare, it only gets me excited for their inevitable feud (fingers crossed).  While watching this 12-man match, I realized that as much as I like to Monday-morning-quarterback, the WWE does know what they’re doing a majority of the time.  I loved the match and thought everyone did a great job, but it did show that all these guys in one match might be too much of a good thing.  It would be incredibly hard to give each group and feud the proper time in a classic ‘Series match.  I’m glad we got to see this match but now that it’s out of my system, I’m looking forward to the two matches on the PPV that were spawned from tonight’s main event.  Let’s not forget the cherry on the night, the return of Rey Mysterio Jr.  I think it’s safe to say that Mysterio is the fifth man on the Sheild / Americans vs Usos / Rhodes / mystery man Traditional Survivor Series match.  The Wyatts vs Punk and Bryan will be a great match as well.  Although I’d like to see Bray Wyatt be a scheduled participant in the PPV match, I’ll bet that he plays a major role in the match.  Since I’m doing a bit of predicting already, I’ll go out on a limb and say both of these matches will shuffle the deck but ultimately bring the teams closer together.  My friend, Freddy D “The Oracle,” pointed out that Survivor Series brings groups and tag teams together while just a few months down the road is the Royal Rumble which is when you see teams get split apart.  Take Cody and Goldust, they’ll be great at Survivor Series but one of them will probably cause the other to get eliminated from The Rumble which will lead to the much anticipated Rhodes family feud.  The Superstars are all aligning for these tried-and-true plots to start taking place.  
2. Rand Orton (6) – Even with an initial line reading flub (although, I’ll bet that HHH was supposed to say, “Who do you think you are?” instead of “Who are you talking to?” a true thespian would have been able to improve that spot better) RKO can put on a show.  Going from petulant child to grinning bully to selling a near upset to trouncing Maddox, I find it incomprehensible for people to not see RKO’s greatness.  You can hate or love his character but when he’s on his game there’re few better at performing all aspects of the wrestling spectrum.  Unfortunately, RKO’s caught up in this feud between HHH and Stephanie vs Big Show.  RKO was stuck without a top tier opponent once Punk and Bryan were placed against The Wyatts, and with Cena fighting ADR, the only person left (in the WWE’s eyes) was The Big Show.  RKO can’t loose this match otherwise it would be another hit to the WWE championship.  It’s not as obvious that HHH or Stephanie will have some sort of roll to play in this match (i.e. when HHH was the guest ref for the Bryan / RKO match) but I’m hoping that they will intervene because this match needs something extra.  As unbelievable as it sounds, this match has fallen behind the two tag matches and the Cena / ADR match as far as importance and anticipation.  I dare say, the WWE could open Survivor Series with this match.  None of this happens to be RKO’s fault. 
3. HHH and Stephanie (N/A) – They’re back from vacation, sporting matching spray tans and wasting no time making their presence felt.  As a boss, I’ve known the displeasure of coming back to the office and seeing what the mice have done while the cat’s away.  Yes, maybe Maddox and Guerrero (and Kane) didn’t perform as HHH & Steph would have hoped but we did get a great ending…Aw, who cares!  Putting Maddox against RKO in a no DQ match was great and even better was putting Vickie against AJ (finally putting AJ in the spotlight).  Their return was solid as you would expect.  As with most segments, due to the need for time to promote all the various country BS, they didn’t do a ton other than get the show going and doling out punishments.
4. Cena (7) – The lack of boos for Cena illustrates that Nashville is a town of nimrods.  Don’t fight me on this, I’ve been to Nashville, they’re nice people but clearly they don’t know good wrestling.  The PPV will be a great barometer because it’s in Boston (Cena’s home town in case you haven’t heard) and if he gets even close to his 50/50 crowd split, it will be impressive from a mark point of view.  Surprisingly I’m looking forward to this match because I think ADR will bring out the best in Cena.  As much as I’d love to see ADR beat Cena and regain the World strap, I’m guessing Cena will hold on to the title a bit longer, even though I don’t know for what purpose. 
5. Alberto Del Rio (11) – Holy Santa Maria Batman!  ADR is such a better heel than he is a face.  Again, this was a night which no one had ton of time to flesh out their plot lines.  Although this one is pretty simple and has been straight forward.  It’s a rematch.  ADR is going after Cena’s arm.  The match pits the WWE superhero Cena (80% chance of winning) vs a WWE super villain ADR (20% chance of winning).  This feud with Cena has cemented ADR’s heel status.  The reason this would be a great win is because 1) what better place to push ADR’s villain status than to beat Cena in his home town and 2) with ADR’s heel status cranked to 11, what better time to have him take the championship and then defend it against top contenders in Kofi, Ziggler, Sheamus, Miz, R-Truth, Sandow, etc.  The irony is that up until last week all of these guys were either faces or directionless, now these other contenders have either flipped to being a fellow heel (i.e. Sandow) OR suddenly shown signs of being in other feuds (i.e. Kofi / Miz) or winning a different belt (i.e. Big E).  We’ll have to let this play out.
6. Big E Langston (8) – I know fashion is cyclical but someone has to tell Big E that CrossColors is not back in style.  I’m also not sure if maroon is the best color for him to wear.  He looks like one of the California Raisins.  Oh, did I mention that he thankfully ended Axel’s reign as IC champ?  Congrats to Big E on his first strap.  I thought it was going to be Ziggler who would take the IC title but I’ll reiterate my stance that even though Axel almost relegated the IC championship to a Flavor-Flav-sized belt buckle, with time a good IC champ could return the belt to prominence.  Big E has been impressive and will be a good champ.  He’s certainly getting a huge push lately.  The win was well deserved and I hope for good things from our new IC champ, Big E Langston.
7. Vickie Guerrero (14) – Tonight was a stellar performance by Vickie.  She was able to out crazy AJ.  She passed my girlfriend test who found Vickie’s constant passing out hilarious.  For the second week in a row, she made the most out of what she was given.  Even down to her muted Excuse Me.  In a week without Heyman, she took the torch of the ridiculous manager / GM role.
8. AJ Lee (N/A) – Could it be, we finally get a prolonged taste of AJ?  Weeeeelll, not so much.  BUT she did get to bounce around and be the main opponent in Vickie Guerrero’s best night in a long time.  Even without the Total Divas machine, AJ has retained the belt.  For the most part, the 7-on-7 Survivor Series match is basically a Total Divas vs AJ and crew match.  I pray that AJ gets to shine and we aren’t subjected to a 20 minute ‘Series match where AJ stands in the corner until the end.
9. Brad Maddox (16) – There were few moments of character development this evening but Maddox and Vickie were two of the few standouts in terms of fun story telling.  Coming out alongside Vickie, with his tail between his legs, you almost felt bad for him.  If anyone was going to be HHH and Stephanie’s punching bag it was going to be Maddox.  Maddox seemed all but doomed until he got a small opening in his match before the hammer of RKO fell upon him.
10. R-Truth and Xavier Woods (15&N/A) – First off, who the hell is Xavier Woods?  He looks like a jacked up James Brown.  The WWE promotion machine is all or nothing.  Take The Wyatts or Los Matadores, they’ll get weeks of hype and promos.  If you’re not someone that the WWE thinks is a sure shot, you get to be R-Truth’s never seen before hype-man.  You can debate on the success of The Wyatts and Matadores but they at least got the full WWE push.  Mr. Woods on the other hand?  Course, when you look like the black Baba-booey, do you really need any hype?  To my surprise, Woods made an excellent debut.  It’s funny how R-Truth is now an older statesmen in the locker room, ushering in new talent and being a reliable tag partner.  I know it was a small sample size but I’m giving them a nice bump this week.  
    
    
    
    
11. The Big Show (13) – Tonight told us two things; a) we’re reminded that Big Show is best in small doses and b) is anyone hyped for this Big Show vs RKO match?  It will be interesting to see where they place this match on the PPV.  It’s not going ahead of Cena vs ADR and I hope it’s not higher than the two tag team match ups.  Unless HHH and Stephanie have a way to sprucing up this match, the WWE championship match is no better than fourth?!  With all the time and effort the creative team has put into this RKO / Authority / Big Show feud, the WWE has failed on this one. 
12. Dolph Ziggler (18) – Poor Ziggler, the WWE is doing all they can to embarrass him.  Yet Ziggler finds a way to shine (and win) in one of the most idiotic matches, a Broadway Brawl, which Ziggler channels his inner-Honky-tonk man.  I take back the “most idiotic” part because the crowd got on overly excited when Ziggler was smashing drums over Sandow’s head.  Clearly the WWE knows how to cater to a Nashville crowd.  Regardless, I hope this was the final punishment that Ziggler has to endure to get out of the WWE doghouse.  He’s another guy who people can love or hate but they can’t deny his talent.  I’m starting a #FreeZiggler campaign.  
13. Damien Sandow (12) – Sandow seems to be coping with the loss of his MitB chance by binge eating.  Is it a little gay of me to notice that Sandow’s belly is stating to sag over his little black trunks?  Maybe but wouldn’t you be pounding fast food on the road to feed your depression if you lost the MitB match and had to loose a Broadway Brawl match via an El-Kabong to the dome after being corralled by a bass drum.
14. Kofi Kingston (HM) – I was hoping that Kofi was the mystery teammate of The Rhodes and Usos but as the night concluded it seems that Mysterio will be the mystery teammate.  Kofi was great and athletic as usual.  He’s more than deserving to have the next big push and has the ability go up against anyone.  That said, it seems like…
15. The Miz (N/A) – Out of nowhere Miz has snapped and turned on his fellow face, Kofi.  Maybe this is the heel turn that will put Miz back on our radars.  He’s done his best work as a face but nothing to show that he can’t also be good heel.  Lest we forget he was bestowed the figure-four-leg-lock by Ric Flair.  Maybe it’s time for him to follow Flair’s footsteps as a heel?
16. Ryback (15) – If you would have told me that between Axel and Ryback, Ryback would be the Heyman guy who has a better career projection, I’d have called you a perfect fool!  I don’t think there’s a wrestler that talks during a match as much as Ryback does, even to his detriment because you can hear he prattle on with his opponent about what their next moves are going to be.  I will give him credit for lifting  up Big Show without hurting Big Show or himself.  Obviously he wasn’t going to win the match but between the two, Ryback was more impressive.  That’s not a very high bar. 
17. Curtis Axel (17) – Axel seemed to get the appropriate amount of negative heat, and not for being a heel but for sucking donkey balls.  You can’t have strong heel heat when you have no personality.  Thank god he dropped the IC belt.  Hopefully Big E can bring some respectability back to the belt.  In the meantime Axel better step up his game or he’ll be back to OVW or WWE’s brand new developmental training facility.
18. The Real Americans w/ Zeb (13) – Who’d have guessed that Zeb and The Real Americans would get one of their biggest pops in Nashville (he says facetiously).    Once again Cesaro demonstrates that he’s the standout wrestler of this tag team.  The most shocking thing was to find out that they’d be teaming up with The Shield to fight Cody / Goldust / The Usos / Mysterio (most likely).  I’m guessing they might take out one or two opponents at most but then will be quickly dispatched in order to leave The Shield vs some combination of the Rhodes / Usos.  I wouldn’t be upset if this was were we start to see the crack in The Real Americans and Cesaro making the leap to singles wrestling. 
19. “Rhinestone Cowboys” aka 3MB (19) – Did the WWE listen to me and take my advice about 3MB take on the persona of each new city the show is in?  I’m not sure I can take all the credit but I’m guessing I had about 64-72% to do with it.  You’re welcome America.  3MB, or whatever they’re calling themselves, were able to keep their jobbing streak alive.  Congrats.  KCC (keep cashing checks).
20. N/A – This spot has been locked down by Los Matadores for the past few weeks but it was an odd night.  Luckily we weren’t suffered by the train wreck of El Torito.  Also, most of the top stars were lumped together in the 12-man tag which left a lot of open slots.  I wasn’t going to throw in a Broski or even David Otunga’s mention just to round out the rankings.  This week, there wasn’t a #20.  These are a sacred Rankings and they won’t be sullied by the undeserved.  Without rules and standards, all we’re left with is chaos.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to proof read my rankings of the Rhinestone Cowboys and Vickie “I know where the bodies are buried” Guerrero.

Honorable Mentions

Korporate Kane – I like the gimmick.  I like the look.  The problem is, he’s done nothing.  Maybe this is the twist HHH and Stephanie will inject into the RKO / Big Show match by having Kane interfere with Big Show to let RKO retain the championship or possibly vice-versa.  What’s the point in having a monster in your employ if you’re not going to use him?  If all he’s there to do is to make sure the Brad Maddoxes of the world make it to their matches, they’re wasting his talents.  

Primetime Players – Their absence is a big conspicuous.  In this rejuvenated tag team era, the Primetime Players have been curiously absent.  Maybe it’s nothing, maybe they’re lying in wait for their time to strike.  Month ago, when listing off the strength of the tag division, they were at the top of the list.  Now they’ve been leapfrogged by the likes of the Real Americans, a far inferior team but true heels.   

Musical Diva Chairs – JBL said it perfectly, “This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen.” 

Side Note(s) 

Wrestlers do not age well.  Need proof…

It’s official, Country music is now just bad rap music set to poor guitar playing.  The video for Florida Georgia Line had the same formula that every 2000’s rap / pop song has; “my cool car and you should be in it” feature a smoking hot babe being shuttled in and out of said car.  The only difference (besides the music) is that rappers want to get their cars as low as possible while the country singers want their trucks lifted as high as possible.  

Not a good night if you were hoping for a Survivor Series match between The Shield / The Wyatts vs The Rhodes / Usos / CM Punk / Daniel Bryan.  Although that would have been a dream matchup, I can see it being an overbooked match.  It would be hard to give every Superstar their chance to shine.  In lieu of the mega-match we’re getting somewhat watered-down ‘Series match and a tag match but this could be a good thing.  The Shield / The Real Americans vs Rhodes / Usos / myster-io guest will work out better.  The myster-io guest and the Usos will probably get the short end of the stick when they get eliminated along with The Real Americans.  Hey someone’s got to get knocked off first.  If it leaves us with any sort of pairing of The Shield vs either or both of Cody / Goldust, I’m good.  The same can be said for the Wyatts vs Punk / Bryan match.  There’s little doubt that Bray will essentially make this a handicap match but it should be a good one.  By splitting the super 12-man match, which we got a good taste of tonight, we should get 2 excellent tag matches featuring great wrestling and probably some twists and turns if the in-ring storytelling is done right.

My wrestling crew is getting together for this one.  It should be a solid PPV.  Survivor Series is technically one of the four Majors so expect some fireworks.  

Until next week…

WWE Power Ranking, RAW 11-11-2013

Coming at you from Manchester, England, it’s Veteran’s Day and the WWE starts with a salute to all of our current and former military members.  Throughout the years the WWE has been a huge supporter of our armed forces and I’ve always been astonished at the commitment that they show to entertaining the troops.  Never a year goes by that the WWE doesn’t GO TO the military, often times in not so friendly places, and put on a show for the troops.  I give the WWE a ton of credit for doing what few entertainers or companies do which is to go to the troops and support them while on duty around the globe.  We’ll get into the rankings and the wise-cracks soon enough but here’s a big thank you to all of our military (especially my grandpa Henry (RIP) and stepdad Ted) for their service to our country, and a thank you to the WWE for making it a priority to entertain our troops and bring a piece of “home” to those serving around the world. 

The WWE is in England tonight.  It’s always fun to see how different countries react to the characters established in the USA.  It’s a totally different vibe than just the odd midwest state vs New York or Los Angeles.  I always loved when William Regal, a heel most of the time in America, would fight the champ and get a HUGE crowd pop.  Also, these foreign shows are filled with “smart” fans that have waited years to see the WWE come to their town.  These hard core fans spend a lot of time on the internet following wrestling so you get a good mix of “marks” and overseas reactions.  If anything, this should be interesting.  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on Veteran’s Day 11/11/2013…

Initially we’re told that HHH and Stephanie are on vacation and won’t be at the England show.  The as RKO makes his way to the ring to open the show, we’re told that due to injury The Big Show isn’t going to be on the show either.  Whatever the real reasons for them not making the trip across the pond is, this can open the show up to giving more time to some of the other wrestlers looking for their characters to get some screen time.  

The rankings were getting pretty muddy for a while but luckily we got one of the best RAW endings in quite some time, which also helped me put all these guys in the proper order.

1. The Shield (11) – I don’t know if there’s a speed record for best promo, but The Shield’s cut with RKO has got to be on that list.  It was great.  I’ve been reading rumors about the eventual breakup of The Shield, even WWE had Reigns holding the WWE strap with a question “Who would you like to see as the next champ?” on WWE.com, so it’s only a matter of time.  I plead to the wrestling gods, please keep The Shield together through WM30.  I don’t know if my pleas will be answered until WM30 but it looks like they’ll stay together until Survivor Series.  In what was the match of the night, match of the month and in the running for RAW match of the year for what potential it could bring.  The Shield, The Wyatts, The Rhodes, The Usos, Punk and Bryan stole the night!  Just the fact that we finally got a glimpse of Shield vs Wyatts was enough to get me off the couch.  When it became a 6-on-6, I was ready to throw $50 down for a PPV right then an there.  DON’T TELL ME THESE GUYS DON’T HAVE BUY-RATE POWER! If you can’t sell this match, the WWE is the one who is failing. (see the Big E ranking for more on this subject)
2. CM Punk (2) – What better way to warm up for a handicap match with Bryan against The Shield than to beat up on his favorite human piñata, Heyman?  Beating up a cast / wheelchair bound Heyman should be an intercontinental event.  You could take this show to each continent.  Once the smoke cleared from the Heymen act, it was time to get to business.  Was there any question that Punk and Bryan weren’t going to put on a great match with The Shield.  That’s right, it’s not even a question.  It’s called rhetorical, bitch.
3. Goldust and Cody Rhodes (5) – Once again another week of them being thrown into a match without getting to cut any promo.  It’s a little disappointing because Goldust is such a beloved character, it’s always great to see what he comes up with.  Fortunately, both Goldust and Cody have been killing it with their in-ring performances.  If you would have told me five years ago, Goldust would be back full time and performing at this level in-ring, I’d have called you insane.  Throw them into the mix of the main event and that’s why they’re up to #3.
4. Daniel Bryan (3) – Teaming up with Punk was just what the doctor ordered.  Their similarities in-ring and backgrounds make them a no-brainer for a great tag team.  Bryan gets the 4th spot because he didn’t have any extra curricular activity or another match.  Out of the 12 men involved with the main event, only The Usos have less character development.  At the same time, the crowd goes crazy for Bryan and it’s his theme song they’re ending the show on and his signature YES, YES, YES that the crowd goes crazy with.
5. The Wyatt Family and The Usos (4/10) – Almost an afterthought for the night, The Wyatts made the night and The Usos put the exclamation on it.  The Wyatt Family did the most to jack up the crowd.  They light the fuse to a potential Wyatt vs Shield match and then fueled by ‘The Spirit’ they showed The Shield the light in regards to common enemies.  It shouldn’t have been a shock to see the Usos fly in with The Rhodes boys but they rounded out the Survivor Series match.  They’re in-ring work has been so good recently that their inclusion can’t hurt this 12-man tag match (although I can’t remember a moment where they’ve been able to cut a promo?).  
6. Randy Orton (1) – The show opener.  With a lack of “supervision” at this show, RKO thought he could throw his weight around.  Why not?  He’s the “face of the WWE.”  Unfortunately he forgot to read the memo about sticking foot in mouth.  While no one will confuse this group for a Shakespearean theater troupe but to watch the banter between RKO-Maddox-Kane, and later Vickie, wasn’t bad.  He’s the WWE Champ.  He’s going to be high on the list.  If you only watched the first two hours of the show, he was the star.  Not until the end would I have put any other wrestlers above him.  He seemed to be put in his place by everyone tonight.  From the mouthpieces of the Corporation to The Shield, I wonder how RKO will react when HHH and Stephanie are back on the show?
7. John Cena (14) – It’s official, smart fans all around the world know to boo Cena.  He polarizes both sides of the Atlantic.  The shots of the crowd is all you need to know about “The Cena Affect.”  The small boys and older women cheer while the tween girls and older men boo.  It’s the most fascinating sight I’ve ever seen in a crowd.  He also did the exact thing I talked about last week.  He rose to the level of his competition.  This was the best in-ring work I’ve seen from Swagger / Cesaro and Cena matched their efforts.  He was good.  
8. Big E Langston (9) – Who’d have guessed Big E would be the one to “save” Cena from ADR?  I guess that makes it official, Big E is getting the big push.  Nothing against Big E, because I do like him and hope he does well (hell, I called him Taz 2.0 last week) but why does he get the World Champ push while Ziggler gets to job to Axel?  Do they not both deserve a push?  Recently, Vince was on a stockholders conference call and it was inferred that the reason for a less than anticipated buy-rate on the last PPV was due to Daniel Bryan being in the main event.  It’s absurd to think that one person on a card is what makes or breaks a PPV, especially when that person incites near riots at every match I’ve watched.  My point is, if Vince is trying to make the lesser known wrestlers the scapegoats, it’s not the lesser known wrestler’s fault, it’s the WWE machine.  You can’t have every event be Cena VS The Rock.  If you want to build your other characters, you have to give them time to grow and if some of the smaller PPVs have a lower buy-rate, then so be it.  Giving the other wrestlers time to grow will ultimately lead to more stars and bigger cards and better buy-rates.  You’re not going to see individuals grow if every time a Superstar gets heat, like Ziggler or Bryan, you bury them in lieu of new face.  I like Big E, but he’s not going to skyrocket to the level of Bryan, Punk or even Ziggler in the next month or two.  Yet, they’re being buried in lieu of Big E’s brand new heat.   
9. Heyman (16) – This is another character that if I’d known tonight’s show would be in Europe, the anticipation for this week’s show would have been enhanced.  I forgot that Heyman had been in Europe receiving medical attention for his injuries suffered at Hell in a Cell.  Maybe not so shockingly, shots fired at Ryback!  If Ryback and Heyman’s unholy union can’t stand the test of time, how can any marriage be expected to last?  There’s no one better on the mic right now.  Two very important points of interest; 1) he looks like Darth Vader at the end of ‘Jedi and 2) I’m sure the ADA or the EEOC will have something to say about Heyman’s treatment and his ability to safely get in and out of the ring without being beaten with a Kendo stick.  
   
10. The Big Show (13) – Supposedly missing from the trip, ‘Show surprised RKO and came out to bring justice and punishment to RKO.  During the Attitude Era, Big Show’s choke-slam setup would have been tame but in this new Reality / PG era, that’s the biggest bump you’re going to see on a RAW show.  After watching the replay, and remembering the era we’re in, that was a pretty good spot.  Big Show was used for the proper amount of time.
11. Alberto Del Rio (6) – Put on an average match with Big E.  Nothing great and nothing bad.  He did what he was supposed to do, which is to win.  He’s like the San Antonio Spurs, he went out and beat the inferior opponent.  Are you going to make the Spurs the champs just because they be the Golden State Warriors?  No, because it’s what they’re supposed to do.  Wake me up when he’s fighting Cena for the World strap again (which I have no faith that he will win, even though he never should have lost it in the first place but that’s what you get when you fight “super” Cena).  ADR also had a few good lines during his ringside commentary.
12. Damien Sandow (8) – Michael Cole and JBL made a great point (I know, don’t have a heart attack) but they pushed the storyline that since Sandow was one of the few to cash in the MitB case and loose, it would bring out a vicious and violent rage in Sandow.  You know what?  I like it.  It makes sense and gives us a motivation that Sandow can use to again try to chase the World Championship.  Who cares about subtle story telling.  Bash me over the head.  I’m a dumb wrestling fan.  All that I care is that Sandow has a direction and the proper motivation.    
13. Real Americans w/ Zeb (17) – I was surprised that the boos for The Americans weren’t bigger when they were first introduced.  Thanks to Zeb, he got the boo level up in a hurry.  You can make fun of their Queen.  You can make fun of their sports.  But when you insult the greatness of Mr. Bean, well sir, you’ve gone too far.  The Americans are a forgettable tag team but Zeb is starting to grow on me.  The more they push him to the outrageous and idiotic ramblings, the more I enjoy him.  “You know, if real Americans ran this country…” it would be called America, not England.  If you’re going to be a heel manager, be a total foolish heel manager.  Zeb is almost at the Vickie / Excuse Me point were no matter what is said, the crowd is going to boo.  That’s the type of heat that’s invaluable to a heel.  As far as matches go, The Americans put on an above average match but it’s clear that Cesaro is the standout wrestler between the Cesaro-Swagger-Cena threesome.  I can’t wait until The Real Americans break up so we can see what Cesaro can do on his own.  No one throws in that German Uppercut like Cesaro does, almost out of nowhere a few times per match.    
14. Vickie Guerrero (N/A) – EXUSE HER, but welcome to the Power Rankings.  The 14,000 mark fans in England played with Vickie excellently and vice-versa.  She got to a register so high, I’m throwing raw meat down the street to lure the coyotes away from house.  Her character works great with a smart audience.  It’s one of those gimmicks that if the whole crowd doesn’t get, then the bit falls flat.  Fortunately she had the crowd rocking it played great.  I’ve grown to love Vickie over the years.  After her husband’s death, which before she was never an on air personality, she’s been able to parlay her persona into a lengthly career.  But I’ll still defend my theory that she “knows where the dead bodies are hidden,” and Vince has kept her gainfully employed for the past eight years.  Give her credit, she makes the crowd pop (for good or bad) and while there are other females in the WWE who have youth and looks on their side, Vickie has found a way to become a valuable asset for the WWE.  For any of the younger Superstars (men and women) that complain about the WWE not giving them their shot, I give you Vickie Guerrero as example #1 of make something with the opportunities the WWE gives you.  Or just be married to someone that Vince / WWE may have tangentially contributed to their death and the death of their best friend who also killed his wife and son (i.e. Chris Benoit, who’s name has been all but erased from the WWE record books).  I’m not saying the WWE is connected to these things but they may have felt remorse and a responsibility to help Vickie out after the sudden death of her husband.  Also, after the Benoit tragedy, the WWE really started to crack down on steroid use and furthered precautions when it came to head trauma from things like chair-shots.  Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit were supposed best friends.  Of course there’s no proof but if you look at all the Divas, valets, managers / GM’s and even sideline reporter-types the WWE has hired, one of them doesn’t look the others.  Again, Vickie has earned her spot.  It’s just one of those things that make you go hmmm? 
15. R-Truth and Ryback (N/A & HM) – Sometimes, out of nowhere, there comes pairing and a match that you’d never expect to be good and turns out to be a highlight of the night.  I would have normally 4-timed through this match.  Unlike suffering through the Divas matches, this was a delight to sit through.  Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t HBK vs Undertaker but for a run-of-the-mill RAW singles match, it was pretty good.  I have no idea where this is going to lead or if this was just a way to get both wrestlers on the card and, more importantly, R-Truth to rap but it was a good match.  Critiquing and praising is the difference between a slap on the ass vs a slap up-side the head.
16. Korporate Kane and Brad Maddox (HM) – Well, someone has to run RAW tonight.  Maddox did his best to give the people what they want.  Leadership abhors a vacuum and with HHH and Stephanie out, you see the all the people come out of the woodwork to fill the empty space. Kane and his new title of Director of Operations, because why wouldn’t you give someone who supposedly murdered his family via arson and has had repeated mental issues a top level authoritative position, came down and seized control of RAW from Brad Maddox.  Maddox and Kane were surprisingly good together.  Let’s face it, Korporate Kane could have been a huge disaster but so far, he’s hitting all the right keys.   
17. Curtis Axel (18) – He came out with a spring in his step as if he wasn’t going to loose.  I gotta give Axel his due, he fought well and against all signs (and my hopes) he retained the IC belt.  He even had his moments against Ziggler.  He got the Ziggler-bump which can put anyone over in a match.  I haven’t been a fan and if Axel is going to keep the IC belt, he better step up his game.  It’s one thing to beat Ziggler, who’s going to make anyone look like a stud, but now Axel has to prove his skills against an opponent that put him over as cleanly.  Frankly, I’m still in shock that Axel won.
18. Dolph Ziggler (15) – If last week’s win over Curtis Axel was meant as an appetizer for Ziggler to win the Intercontinental Championship intercontinentally, then the WWE are geniuses!  “Not so fast…” as Lee Corso would say.  To my and the Manchester crowd’s shock, Ziggler lost his rematch against Axel for the IC belt.  I’m stunned.  The only person more frustrated than me has to be Ziggler himself.  What does he have to do to get a push!  He’s legit WWE or World Championship material but the WWE has him jobbing to Curtis Axel?!?  For the IC belt!??!!?  WTF?!?!  What are they planning on doing with Ziggler?  He definitely had the crowd on his side and he’s been primed for a run at something.  He gets enough of a pop that I can’t see him not being used.  This is baffling.  I guess all I can do is cross my fingers and hope that next week we see Ziggler doing something more substantial than using his great skills to put over the likes of Curtis Axel.  I haven’t been this down over the result of a wrestling match in quit a while.  If the WWE is looking to add to my angina, well done.
19. “The Union Jacks” aka 3MB (19) – They’re still cashing checks and wrestling on WWE TV so, yeah, I’m jealous of them, but they also still suck.  Although the idea of 3MB taking on the local persona of each city they go to might make me change my mind about them.   
20. Los Matadores w/ El Torito (20) – I guess if these morons could make it into the USA, they could easily make it into England.  I know this is horrible to say but Los Matadores make me wish Zeb and the Real Americans would come out and put an end to this nonsense.  

Honorable Mentions

Santino – SAN-TIN-OOOOO!!!!!  The first indignity was to team him up with Los Matadores.  The second indignity was to make him wear horns to coincide with El Torito.  The third, was to make his stupid sock gimmick also have bull horns.  The last was to make him ‘Ole with the stupid midget bull.  For god’s sake, he’s in Europe, you know he’s going to get a face pop.  Couldn’t they let the man at least have a real match?  Nope.  Does he say no to anything the creative team asks him to do?  Nope.  Fear not, I still love you Santino.  I know you’re better than this.  One day, I don’t know how or when but one day you will be WWE Champ.  On that day, I’ll be there cheering and telling everyone that I always believed in you.  Until then, KCC (keep cashing checks)!!!

Kofi Kingston ( ) – Not the best of nights for Mr. Kofi Kingston.  Seemed like the crowd was lukewarm to Kofi.  Then he got the pleasure of jobbing to Sandow.  Worst yet, they weren’t given a whole lot of time for a match and things never seemed to get rolling for Kofi.  I’d rather him be on RAW than not at all.  He was there to job for Sandow and put him over with a new twist to Sandow’s gimmick / storyline.  In that regard, he did his job (and that’s where the terms comes from ladies and gentlemen).      

Fandango – I’m not giving in to pier pressure and crowd reaction.  If I went by sheer crowd reaction, Fandango would have been in the top 10.  Fortunately I have control over my sense and realize when I’m being manipulated.  I’ll dance and point but it was a crap match which was only to further promote a show that I can’t stand 95% of, the Total Divas.  So, nice try WWE, but you can’t trick me.  HM is good enough for Fandango and his feud with Tyson Kidd.  Make it a real match, and then I’ll think about putting both in the top 20.

Zack Ryder – The Broski is the next in line to be the “QVC” host of the week.  He did a great job.  In fact, this small gimmick of having a new pitchman each week working surprisingly well.  I’d rather see this pitchman competition than any of the Divas matches.  

TeeJay aka Tyson Kidd – This is a chicken or the egg scenario.  Did this feud start because of Total Divas or did their feud start in Total Divas because they knew when it started to air on TV, they’d have a comeback feud with Fandango.  Fandango not a stranger to the Total Divas machine.  From the clip of seemingly fake outrage from TeeJay and Nattie, I believe it’s a total work.  These two have had more fake reality fights than any couple that since the Osborns.  There is a chance that this can springboard TeeJay back into a storyline which is fine if he and Fandango can put on a good product.  I’m not going to waste too much time breaking down this aspect of the WWE universe on a night when The Shield is going up against Punk and Bryan.  

Snuka vs D-cup-Bella – This is the bane of doing this Power Ranking.  I have to watch matches like this instead of fast forwarding through them.  These matches are forced upon us to make sure the WWE can promote Total Divas during the show.  Just in case we miss any of the commercials when fast forwarding.  Other than this match and the Natalya match there wasn’t too much selling of Total Divas, which was a bit surprising.  Up until now the WWE has been hammering it in our heads like HHH with a sledgehammer.  I get it.  They’re not doing this stuff for free and promotion is part of the game.  What I don’t understand is that AJ Lee is the champ and she could easily be in these matches or have more involvement on the mic.  The WWE is “burring the lead” as they would say in the newspaper business.  You know, newspapers, that stuff that kids light on fire and watch like a hypnotized moth during their pyro phase.  Oh, like I’m the only weirdo who lit things on fire when I was young?  Regardless, use AJ more.  That’s what everyone should be getting out of this rant.  More AJ.

Side Note(s)

There weren’t too many side notes this week.  My biggest gripes were with Ziggler jobbing for Axel and the burying of Bryan due to PPV buy-rates.  The crowd in England was great.  It seemed like the show was a lot of fun and they got one of the best endings of the year with the Survivor Series preview.  

I have no idea what next week will bring when the WWE “goes Country?”  I can only assume it means SAN-TIN-OOOOO will be in some ridiculous cowboy getup and doing some sort of ho-down nonesense.  If you could bet on wrestling that would be the “lock of the century, of the week.” (shout out to SVP & Russillo and Aqua Team Whatever…)  Why do I get the feeling that I’ll have the same look on my face watching WWE going Country as I do watching this girl dress up her snake?

Until next week…