WWE Power Rankings, RAW 10-07-2013

Coming at you from Pittsburgh, off the heels of the Battlefield PPV and possibly the worst RAW in quite some time the WWE and its creative staff needed to have a solid show.  Battlefield was an average PPV.  Nothing too great except a great win by the Rhodes Family over The Shield.  As many predicted, Daniel Bryan didn’t win the WWE strap but even worse, no one did.  The Big Show intervened and decided to grow some balls after knocking out Daniel Bryan on orders of the WWE brass, with his newly grown balls he proceeded to knock out RKO leaving both men down in the ring.  The PPV ended with no resolution, which sucks because 1) the PPV is where resolutions are supposed to happen and 2) when one is paying $40-50 for a PPV you don’t want to see the last match end without a winner of some kind.  Bryan and RKO put on a solid match until the ending.  Let’s hope this week’s RAW can refocus the company and put us back on track.   So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 10/07/2013...

Keep in mind that last week’s WTF rankings was in a worst-to-first order so keep that in mind when you see current rankings vs (previous week’s rankings)...

1. The Shield (19) – These guys are on such a roll.  Sure they might have had so losses of late but that hasn’t diminished what they’re doing.  This isn’t a real sport where wins and losses count for anything.  It’s the performances and no group has been better than the The Shield.  The biggest problem that I have with The Shield is that there is not enough of them to go around.  THAT’S A GOOD THING.  I want them to fight the Rhodes, the Wyatts, the Usos, the Primetime Players, etc.  They’re doing it all and right now they could go against group and I’m watching.  Excellent job.  My only complaint is how they’ve seem to loose 2 or 3 tag matches in a row but haven’t lost the belts.  Somehow, they need to loose the tag belts so they can feud with some of the other groups.  It’s odd but the various straps are keeping The Shield from feuding with certain opponents because every now and then they have to “defend” the belts in some match.  Ambrose’s strap doesn’t hold as big of a problem story-wise but at least give up the tag championship.  This way The Shield is freed up to go in other directions and the new tag champs can feud with the other underused tag teams.
2. Randy Orton (15) – He put on a solid match with Daniel Bryan and an equally good match with Kofi.  I can’t blame him for the storytelling that is going on around him.  He’s doing great with what he’s being asked to do.  While I don’t agree with how this Championship abeyance is being handled, it certainly isn’t RKO’s fault or decision.  To turn the tables on Daniel Bryan by hiding in the crowd 
3. HHH and Stephanie (11) – Stephanie McMahon is a revelation.  She’s the wind that makes RAW soar.  As much as I’ve praised HHH these past few months, Stephanie has been even better.  Tonight, she was able to do what no other wrestler has been able to do in years, put The Big Show over.  She’s even able to breath evil life into Brad Maddox.  She’s like Saruman growing evil Uruk-hai (bigger and badder Orcs) out of the lesser characters.  This is what makes last week’s WTF issues so astonishing.  There isn’t a companywide incompetence.  There’s some really good writing, storytelling and wrestling going on.  Why, or better yet, How did the creative crew lay so many and so big of eggs last week?
4. The Rhodes family (16) – They put on a great match at Battlefield.  They’ve been killing it for the past month since Cody “got fired” and their mini-feud with The Shield has been great.  I’ve always wanted to see Cody feud with Goldust but seeing them team up with their dad in the corner has been almost as good.  
5. Daniel Bryan (6) – When you’ve been trained by the best there ever was, HBK, you’ve got a leg up on the competition.  Bryan and Orton had a good match going until the ending of Battlefield.  Just as with RKO, I’m not going to hold the ending against him.  He teamed up with the Rhodes brothers to fight The Shield in the main event for the evening.  He initially ambushed RKO earlier in RAW, only to be given the ol’ switch-a-roo and got got by RKO almost instantly after HHH made the match a “no DQ” match.  You don’t have to love Bryan or RKO (but from the crowds you’d believe at least Bryan is the next best thing since sliced bread) but you have to respect that they’ve done a great job at keeping the tension high.  I hope there is some resolution coming at Hell in a Cell because with Cena coming back, you know he’ll somehow get involved with the WWE strap.  I could see Bryan coming out with the belt and making Cena the chaser but logic would tell you that the “evil” RKO wins the belt and the “good” Cena wins the belt back.  If that’s the case, what is Bryan’s place at the top of the WWE food chain?  When Punk fell off the top spot, luckily he had Heyman to feud with.  I don’t know where Bryan goes if he’s not mixed in with RKO, HHH and Cena?  Maybe a run with / against Punk?  Let’s hope we don’t have to find out too soon.  At this point, I’m down with Bryan as champ and let the RKO’s and Cena’s fight amongst themselves to see who faces him.
6. CM Punk (20) – Battlefield saw Punk get a small amount of revenge against Heyman by winning his match against Ryback but you have to feel Punk’s redemption and resolution is far from complete.  As Punk’s battle with Heyman continued, a crazy fight broke out.  What did Punk do?  Well, he brought a lunatic to an insanity fight.  Who better to have as your partner when facing an absurd premise (that Punk is the dirty player vs Heyman’s tactics / history) and insane opponents Ryback (and his stance against bullying, when he’s the biggest bully) and Curtis Axel (and his stance against having any personality and / or charisma)?  You bring R-Truth.  I don’t know where this is going but hell, I bought a ticket so let’s see what happens.  Extra props to Punk for his drop toe-hold into a leg snap of Axel.  I’ve never seen that string of moves get put together and done so cleanly and effortlessly.  This coming off a fight with Ryback the night before.  You couldn’t ask for two totally different type of matches and techniques.  Bill Simmons recently compared Punk to HBK, as someone who can put on a great match with anyone.  I originally disagreed, contending that Ziggler was a better example, but seeing who Punk has wrestled in the past 24 months and the different styles, I may have to agree and give Punk the slight edge on in ring abilities.  I just wish Punk had a better finisher than the GTS.  That move is very limited for use on the bigger wrestlers.  If I could adjust one thing to Punk’s arsenal, it would be to give him a better finisher than the GTS.
7. Heyman (8) – Back to the scheming and conniving manager, putting aside the same-sex marriage story just for a minute but unfortunately I doubt forever, Heyman is doing what he does best.  Even in defeat at Battlefield, he’s able to rally his troops (Or legal civil union partners?  Maybe I’m underestimating Heyman and the WWE, they’re not only for same-sex marriage but polygamy as well.  Again, what better face(s) than Heyman, Ryback and Axel? - dripping with sarcasm just to be clear).
8. Alberto Del Rio (17) – If there is one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s not to mess with Latin women and their emotions.  You’d think ADR would have already known this.  Maybe the average white chick would have fallen for his Rico Suave move but Vickie Guerrero has been around the block, a few dozen times.  Vickie was able to hand ADR a quick defeat by announcing John Cena’s return in a match against ADR at Hell in a Cell.  I’m just as surprised at ADR, probably for different reasons, but I would have sworn that Cena would be thrown into the WWE Championship.  Cena mixed up for the world belt is just going to muddy the already cloudy second tier group.  I can’t imagine Cena loosing to ADR but then I can’t imagine Cena with the World belt? 
9. Dolph Ziggler (14) – Ziggler VS Sandow is fantastically underrated.  Both are superb wrestlers and put on great matches.  The problem is that neither of them are going anywhere with these matches.  Ziggler isn’t going to win the MITB case so what are they fighting about.  If Ziggler loses, it just adds to his total underuse of his tremendous talents (unless they’re building Sandow’s threat as a wrestler) and if he wins, what does he gain?  There’s no brass ring in sight for Ziggler’s character at the moment.  
10. Damien Sandow (N/A) – See Ziggler... At least Sandow has the MITB case and we know where he’s going but the problem is that he’s not going there.  Sandow is going to eventually fight for the World Championship, which is currently being held by ADR.  ADR is set to fight Cena at Hell in a Cell.  Yet again, I don’t see how Sandow is getting any closer to either ADR or the World strap?  
11. Kofi Kingston (18) – Another man who put on a solid match both on RAW and the PPV last night.  There’s this second tier of wrestlers that have bottlenecked at the World Champion level.  Kofi, ADR, Sandow, RVD, Ziggler, are all guys that with the right push could be in line for a WWE Championship run.  All of them can wrestle and most of them are good to great on the mic.  Kofi’s mic skills have never been displayed or tested.  There’s no doubt he’s got what it takes in the ring.
12. The Wyatt Family (5) – I’ve been accused of ranking the Wyatts too high.  They rarely wrestle and at this point they seem to just turn out the same promo after promo without having a direction.  Battlefield changed some of that because Bray Wyatt had a solid match against Kofi Kingston.  I have no idea where that match is going to lead between the two, most likely nowhere but it was good.  Not to mention a nice, but creepy, new move that Bray did by crawling upside down.  It was very Exorcist-like and even more impressive, that a man the size of Bray Wyatt could pull it off.  They’ve got the gimmick and the talent to be something special, they just need the right angle.  The right angle is a feud against The Shield.  I don’t know how this is going to happen, like Sandow and ADR, both sides are so far away from each other on the field that I don’t know how they’re going to get together but somehow, someway the Wyatts need to fight The Shield.
13. Ryback (9) – I have my doubts on what this guy is doing or capable of.  Is he the next Goldberg?  Is he the next Kane?  A monster that needs the right angle or just a tool the WWE can use with other characters?  Or does he have potential to be a superstar?  This is one of the biggest questions I have with the WWE right now.  The bad news is that my head tells me he’s got a 33% chance of being a good superstar.  The good news is my heart and gut tell me he’s got a 66% chance to achieving superstar status.  I see glimpses of talent in and out of the ring.  It won’t be easy.  He’s not a natural like Punk, Cena, HHH or any of the true superstars but that doesn’t mean he can’t be very good given good writing and usage.  I’m on the fence but I’m willing to bend easily one way or the other.  I just need a good, push just like Ryback needs.
14. The Big Show (4) – I finally realized the problem with Big Show, he’s Ferdinand the Bull.  He’s the gentle giant.  He’ll do whatever he’s asked to do.  He’s a pro’s pro and I give him a lot of credit but he just doesn’t have it in him to be a heel.  At least not on his own.  He’s an interesting study and I could dissect him for hours but he’s best served with a belt and someone else doing the talking.  Next to that, Stephanie did a great job of getting the most out of this bit they’re doing.  I’m not going to give a great deal of credit to a wrestler that’s akin to being an instrument and it depends on who is playing him at the time to whether he squawks and squeaks or is the centerpiece to an orchestra.  None of the ending of RAW made any sense (not that this has to be as tight as a Breaking Bad script) but if Big Show is fired, then what jurisdiction does HHH have over him?  In turn, next week, how does Big Show come back?  If he’s fired, then he’s simply banned from the building.  Does he pull off the old “buy your own ticket” routine or maybe he comes back as valet to Daniel Bryan?
15. Fandango (HM) – Like Ryder, he’s all in when it comes to his gimmick.  For good or bad, that’s what you have to do to be a success.  What I’m continually impressed with is his in ring abilities.  Every time I see ‘Dango and Summer Rae, I cringe at the dancing and the gimmick but then he gets into the ring and he’s good.  His match with Ryder was short and that’s the way it should be for now.  Let’s give credit to where credit is due, ‘Dango skies off the top rope with that leg drop.
16. Zack Ryder (12) – This was the type of match and opponent that Ryder should have been involved with last week.  Both of these fools give 100% to their ridiculous gimmicks.  He was only give a few minutes of a match but that’s more than he’s gotten in a while and you’ve got to start somewhere. 
17. R-Truth (HM) – I rarely have said, thank god for R-Truth showing up.  The Old Dirty Bastard of the WWE came to CM Punk’s aid against Heyman, Ryback and Axel.  It turns out that Truth and Axel have a feud going, which no one but them knew about.  Congrats to both you guys.  Normally I’d give the Champ the higher ranking but Axel is so dull, R-Truth’s brand of crazy gives him the edge.
18. Curtis Axel (3) – I was worried that Axel had degraded the value of the IC belt so much that he would have no one to wrestle against or any possible direction, thanks to R-Truth he now has both.  The good thing about R-Truth is that he’s been buried so far down that this actually seems like a good thing for both Axel and Truth.  No matter who wins, it will elevate, even slightly, each character’s stock.  If they are able to put on a good match, well you might even have a reason to put one or both of them against some of the higher mid-tier wrestlers.
19. Los Matadores (1) – This was a tough one.  Divas match, 3MB or El Torito con Matadores?  These knuckleheads at least have some tag moves and if I over look their horrible gimmick they’re the better wrestlers.  To think, there are some really talented and unused wrestlers that would benefit from any kind of push, just sitting in the back while these last three groups are given a good chunk of time, it must drive them crazy.
20. 3MB (2) – Why, oh why are we being punished with these fools.  At least they were able to free the 3rd MB-er from his Human Centipede jail cell (which is the only thing worse than being in 3MB).  This just proves how bad Los Matadores are if the only way to get them over is to drag out 3MB to loose to two jerkoffs and a midget bull.  I will give these three credit.  In this horrible economy and a world with government shutdowns, these three have kept their employment and beyond everyone’s imagination continue to work for the WWE.  I’m sure there are a lot of people over in TNA that wish they could say the same thing.

Honorable Mentions

Komen.org – It’s still Cancer awareness month and everyone should go to the website and donate to a good cause.  

Bruno Sammartino – Happy 78th Birthday to a great Legend of wrestling.  Of course times are different now and his seven year reign as champion will never be duplicated.  He looks to be in far better shape than most of the wrestlers that came a generation or two after him.  We can never know for sure but I’m guessing he missed the trend of steroids and unknown chemicals wrestlers were self administering from the 70‘s, 80’s and 90’s and looks far better for it. 

Brad Maddox – I’m sure when he was rising through the ranks of the wrestling ladder, he never imagined that he’d be the whipping boy of RAW but life doesn’t always turn out the way we planned.  In fact, it rarely does.  What he does have going for him is that he’s got a prominent job on RAW, is being seen every week and doesn’t have to take the bumps the average wrestler takes.  I’d say he’s doing well for himself.  Now does he last like Vickie Guerrero (who knows where the bodies are hidden) or is he the next John Laurinaitis who is no longer seen or is a factor on WWE television.

Bob Backlund – This is how I imagine John Boehner acting during GOP meetings these days.  If only Boehner had the cross-face-chicken-wing, we might not have a government shutdown.  

Divas Match – This was horrible.  At the last PPV we got a solid match between AJ and Brie Bella.  There’s only one Diva that I’m interested in and that’s AJ, so what do we get?  A six-diva tag match without AJ, oh joy :(  Not only did I not care about this match, it was awful.  I was only hoping that Brad Maddox came out to apologize to us for wasting our time with such a crap match.  As the old saying goes, you can hope in one hand and crap in the other; let’s see which fills up first.

Santino, Khali, Hornswaggle VS Swagger / Cesaro / Zeb – This is the third match in a row that I’ve been subjected to (last week’s RAW, Battlefield and this week’s RAW).  When will this madness end?  I’m sure Zeb and his fellow Tea Partiers are Pro-Life but this feud needs to be aborted.  Is there a demographic that this feud doesn’t offend?

Side Note(s)

Look, WWE, we know how to install apps.  The problem is your apps suck!  Not once has the WWE official app worked for me on any of my devices when they’re supposed.  Each app is a piece of shit and / or useless.  Fix the WWE app itself and you let us worry about getting it installed.  

Until next week...

2013 MLB playoff hopes. Who do you think I'm rooting for?

Just hours before the MLB playoffs begin, I don’t count the play-in games as being the official start of the playoffs, the final eight teams are locked in and I have no idea who will win the World Series.

Of course my money is on the Dodgers.  The “people in the desert” agree and have made the Dodgers the favorites.  Who am I to tell them they’re wrong.  The problem is that unlike most other sports, in baseball, momentum is the next day’s pitcher.  Also, baseball is probably the most emotional of all the major sports.  Year after year, we see that it’s not talent that wins the World Series (don’t be confused, all these players are talented) but rather who gets hot and what team comes together.  I don’t have to look far for an example.  The last time the Dodgers won the World Series was 1988 and that team might be the least talented team to be champions.  Even more surprising than the ’88 Dodgers winning the World Series is that they made the playoffs.  This all goes to prove the point that with timely hitting and great pitching any team has a chance to win.  Somehow (I believe somehow is loosely translated to Orel Hershiser) the Dodgers made the playoffs at a time when only 4 teams made the playoffs.  Then they advanced to play the World Series where the mighty Oakland A’s awaited them.  These were the Bash Brother A’s who not only had juiced up hitting and out of the lab athletes, but they had pitchers too.  They had Dave Stewart and the best closer in the league, Dennis Eckersley.  The Dodgers were given no chance to win but with his only plate appearance of the series and one swing of the bat, Kirk Gibson literally swung the momentum of the series in game 1 and the Dodgers went on to win in five games.

This year’s team almost feels just at “touched” by the baseball gods as 1988.  We started off horribly.  Almost everyone offensive weapon was injured at some point this season.  Mattingly seemed like was headed for the unemployment line and the team that had the highest payroll looked as if it was going in last place this year.  But Puig came up, Henley came back, the pitching never fell off (even when Greinke was out for 6 weeks, the staff stayed solid) and the team came together to put on one of the biggest comebacks in baseball regular season history.  

It was once a concern that the Dodgers were going to have too many outfielders, once Kemp came back from an injury plagued season.  As it turns out, Kemp is out of the entire playoffs and now Either (the expendable outfielder) is hurt too.  How does that lead to any post season hopes, well...the Dodgers are the only team in the playoffs that have two Cy Young pitchers, in their prime, that can totally shut opposing teams down.  Add in an above average bullpen and solid #3 and 4 starter, the Dodgers might not need to score many runs.  Having said that, even without Kemp and Ethier, the Dodgers still have a very potent top of the lineup.  Playoff baseball isn’t won with blowouts.  Most games are down to the wire.  2-1, 4-3, 3-1, these are the scores that you’ll usually see.  Certainly, Puig / Ramirez / Gonzalez / Crawford can get you a few runs.  Give me 2 runs and Kershaw pitching, and I’ll take my chances.

In just a few minutes, the 2013 playoffs will begin.  The real reason that everyone is excited for this Dodgers / Braves series is because the Braves have elected themselves as the keeper of the “unwritten rule book” of baseball.  Brian McCann (the braves catcher) guards home plate and only allows the deserving to cross like some half-assed bouncer at a cheap Atlanta strip club.  And guess who’s coming to town?  The league champion of bat-flipping and hot-doggin’,  Yasiel Puig.  Only, McCann might think twice to stand in the way of Puig.  For the most part McCann has taken on rookie pitchers and the whose who of the waiver wire.  The Dodgers and Puig are no strangers to fights this year.  Starting with the aforementioned Greinke injury due to a confrontation between Greinke and the Padres.  Then the Dodgers and the Arizona Diamondbacks got into fights throughout the season, resulting in the Dodgers may or may-not have urinating in the D’backs’ outfield pool when they clinched a playoff spot.  With any luck, the Dodgers will be dropping deuces in the Atlanta outfield because that will mean we’re on our way to the NLCS.

I think this is the first time I’ve ever cheered for a team to physically relieve themselves on the field of play.  But hey, whatever gets us to the World Series...

Let’s go Dodgers!!!

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 9-30-2013

Coming at you from Biloxi (as in Mississippi but it should have been Blues), if I just wrote WTF 3,000 times and was finished with tonights posting, it would be justified.  

WARNING: Earmuffs to all those who don’t want to hear a grown man explode about a fake sporting event.

I was looking forward to waxing poetically about how a small town crowd reminded me of the old days of wrestling where territories ruled and it wasn’t about big Federations trying to sell PPVs and the promoters and performers knew how to tell a story which played to the intimate audience right there.  In turn the crowds would go crazy for hometown heroes and there were really strong heel and face characterizations, which for good and bad have gone away in the globalized WWE...

That idea was shot in the head about 5 minutes into the show.  This one was BAD!

OK, WWE, you want to fuck with me?  You want to make a mockery of my newly minted and highly entertaining Power Rankings, fine!  Fuck with me? NO, I fuck with you!  Two can play at this game... 

I should have known this was going to be an epic show.  You know things are bad when there’s a Pre-List to the Power Ranking list.  Here’s a list of clues that should have set off code-red alerts to how bad this show was going to be.

1. They never showed the city that they were in at the beginning of the show.
2. The first three minutes of the show, was a clip package from last week’s show.
3. Clearly everyone was either watching (or was intimidated by) the Breaking Bad finale last night and couldn’t put together a solid show tonight.  Tonight’s RAW just tastes of distraction.
4. Everything was now centered around the Battleground PPV, which before tonight I had no idea was even on this Sunday (which is the problem that occurs when you have needless PPVs on just because you want to sell a PPV every 3 weeks).
5. The free, pre-show match at Battlefield was announced to be Ziggler VS Sandow, which should be either the first match of the PPV or one of the main events.  WTF?!?!
6. None of the matches made sense (but I don’t fault the wrestlers, the matches were actually pretty good, wrestling-wise). 
7. I believe in the bible the first sign of the apocalypse is frogs raining down (or was that just the movie Magnolia?) but tonight it was; how come Heyman wasn’t there for his feud with Punk the RAW before a PPV?  Was this because he wouldn’t travel outside a major city?  Would going to Biloxi would be beneath him?  No because sadly I remember ECW being at some of this country’s finest Bingo Halls and Elk Lodges, so a crappy arena shouldn’t keep him away.  Instead of continuing the great Punk / Heyman promos, we get...wait for it...the excitement is building...Brad Maddox.  Silence.  Actual Silence from the crowd.  It was just poor writing and worse execution.  If you thought Brad Maddox silent but deadly entrance was going to be the worse thing about RAW?  Oh how wrong you would be.
8. Secondly, I thought, maybe HHH, Stephanie and the writing staff had the week off and didn’t attend this show.  You know, “while the cat’s away the mice will” play sort of thing.  That’s not the case because they were in the arena to be apart of the Rhodes family story line.

This was all BULLSHIT, literally...

So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 9/30/2013...

1. Los Matadores (N/A) – WTF!?!?  Ok, I’ve waited (and been excited) for Los Matadores for weeks now.  I was all fine with this being a rebranding of two wrestlers.  I was even expecting a little comedy to be inserted with the gimmick.  But a fucking midget Lucha Libre wrestler dressed as a bull is not only their valet but the “third” member!  The WWE wants me to feel foolish about being excited for one of their new gimmicks?  They think they can Gobbledy Gooker me?  Well, here you go WWE.  Number 1 with a bullet, Los Matadores!  Thank you ladies and gentlemen, it’s going to be a long night.  Hide your children because we’re about to get a little weird in here. 
2. 3MB (N/A) – You know it’s a bad sign when you can only get 2 of the 3MB’s. Of the incomparable 3MB, only the fake-Hindu and the faux-Rocker were the only two that could make it?  What, was the other one too busy sucking dick to show up?
3. Curtis Axel (17b) – Why not put Axel in the top 10?  We’re getting crazy tonight.  He’s the spawn of Mr. Perfect and in a few years he could be a true superstar but as of now, he’s outclassed and overmatched.  His reign as IC champ is being wasted and in turn hurting the value of the IC strap.  It’s no surprise that his longest match is on the biggest WTF show of the year.  Then to fall for the old “enemy music distraction” only cements his mediocre standing.
4. The Big Show (18) – You know it’s bad when in the WTF episode of RAW, you’re the worst “actor” of the night and half your promo is a clip from SmackDown.  I long for the blithering and blathering crying days of Big Show.  Whatever this was, this over the top anger / rage emotional explosion, I can live without.  But since this is “opposite day,” congrats Big Show, you’re in the top 10.  “He knows not what he does,” was a great line by Stephanie...No, must fight...compliments...not...yet...
5. The Wyatt Family (8) – My friend Fred gave me crap about having the Wyatts so high up the last two weeks when they really haven’t had a defined feud / opponent or a clear direction to what they’re supposed to be doing.  After seeing the light, I was prepared to drop them down to their proper ranking (which should be around 13 - 17).  It’s no secret that I love The Wyatts but seriously, WTF is going on this week?  When Bray Wyatt rambles on it can be very hit or miss and this week I am totally confused.  Maybe this played right into the minds of the local Mississippi crowd, but I sure as hell couldn’t follow what was going on.  It seems to me that Bray has been speaking to Sister Abigail too much this week and to speak with her he must ingest large quantities of Molly or HGB because he was trippin’.  I long for the days when I would get that high.  The difference is, I’d be trippin’ balls in the safety of my house, not in front of a live crowd and TV audience.  To make matters worse, after the Family comes out and Bray drones on, the only saving grace was a potential interaction with Kofi (who was still out there from his previous match) but NOTHING came of it.  They went to commercial and when they came back we were on to the next thing.  If you only care about what score you get and not the reasons behind it, congrats Wyatts, you’ve gotten your highest ranking but if this was a real week, you’d be in the bottom quarter.
6. Daniel Bryan (6) – And if you thought that Bryan was safe in this WTF episode, you’d be very wrong.  Where do I start?  So when we last left Total Divas, there was some sort of hint that Daniel and his (what I thought was already his fiancé) girlfriend Brie Bella were possibly going through a rough patch in their relationship, or as the promo for the new season would have us believe.  Now they’re officially engaged.  How lucky are we all that thanks to Total Divas, we will have a video documentary of their whole engagement and soon to be wedding.  Let me guess, theres some overreaction to Bryan’s new status as a main event guy and Brie feels left out.  There is some fake tension that she’ll have to break up with him, you know for him realizing his life long dream which she’s known about for years, only to be duped and he proposes to her to solidify their relationship.  They go off and live happily ever after.  I. Can’t. Wait.  The feelings of anticipation that I have for the new episodes of Total Divas are similar to the feeling I have each day waiting for the IRS to levy my bank account for taxes I owe the government.  Then to add insult to injury, Bryan has to go out and get his ass handed to him, which of course results in Brie coming out and being so heart broken.  We’re constantly talking about the blurred lines of late in the WWE, between reality and fiction.  So this may have worked with say Miz and his mother the other week, but not when both parties are in on the whole work of the business and are involved with the behind the scenes show.  WTF?!?!
7. Two Divas (N/A) – So instead of getting more AJ, either on the mic or wrestling, we are treated with a Brie Bella and Alicia Fox match.  Yes, why give us more of a good thing.
8. Heyman (4) – I can only imagine him saying, “I came to butt-fuck Mississippi to do this?  What a waste of time.”  I’ll give him this, he sold it with all his heart.  Which leads us to...
9. Ryback (17a) – While we’re on a run of fake and absurd relationships, let’s add another. You know how I’ve been joking about all the gay undertones going on between Ryback and Heyman, well I guess they weren’t just undertones.  The WWE is really going for it.  NO one is a bigger support of same sex marriage than I am (well, except for the gay people I suppose).  WTF are Heyman and Ryback doing?  I don’t know for sure but I’ll guess Mississippi is not a hotbed for gay rights.  Even though Ryback and Heyman put on a tender moment (?) this was not the city for this to go down.  The crowd was dead and was more in silent shock.  I wish they would have done this in New York or California or one of the states that just passed marriage equality rights because then I think the crowd would have been insane throughout the performance.  Exhibit A is the guy behind them in the white hat and black RVD shirt, screaming and gesturing NO, NO, NO through this whole commitment speech.  I don’t know who the WWE wants to be the “Face” of their brand, but I doubt that the LBGT wants these to be the faces of their movement.
   
   
10. AC / Zeb / The All-American American VS The Clown Patrol (Santino / Hornswaggle / Khali) (?) – Ohhh how the mighty has fallen.  I’m sorry my sweet Santino.  I was hoping that Santino wouldn’t be apart of WTF because he would have been off this list (in a week that being off the list is a good thing).  No, the WWE had one last embarrassment bullet for WTF night.  Let’s team Santino up with the midget and the giant.  Any hopes that Santino would make a true run at a title have now been spun away by AC’s swinging toss.  A move that’s so old, it gave The King flashbacks to when he wrestled with Andy Kaufman.  The next thing really got me to say, “WTF?”  Out of all the shows and places of late, why would Zeb consider Mississippi a “3rd world or foreign country?”  Maybe my demographics are off, but I’d think Zeb and his Tea Party gimmick would be a hero to many in Mississippi.  Maybe he’s trying to keep up with Rep. Ted Cruz as most hated political person by both sides of the isle.  Burn all bridges because any heat is good heat.
11. HHH with Stephanie aka The Authority (5) – If crapping on my monday wasn’t bad enough.  If embarrassing komen.org with such a clusterfuck of a show (tell me why El Torito couldn’t have had pink ribbons dangling from it’s horns, you know, to really just take it to the next level) wasn’t already an embarrassment.  Now HHH and Stephanie has to besmirch one of the best comic books, The Authority, by taking it’s name and thrusting it upon us as their new moniker.  I’m really starting to feel like tonight’s show was specifically made to piss me off.  Is this the Truman Show?  Am I trapped in a dome and a billion people are watching me go insane for their amusement?  If so, HELP!  Get me out of here!  Stop reading this now and go get me help!  (I don’t care how great the two of them are right now, I’m not giving them any credit tonight because even if THEIR parts were good, they’re responsible for tonight’s clusterfuck show.)  
12. Zack Rider (N/A) – Yes, let’s unleash every wrestler that has had nothing to do in months.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t realize that WWE wasn’t just contributing to charities like komen.org but also to charities such as the Zack Rider-hasn’t-had-a-match foundation.  The worst part is that Rider is another good wrestler.  I feel bad that his only screen time was on WTF RAW.
13. Big E Langston (N/A) – Welcome to the Power Rankings.  Big E has spent many months as an enforcer for Ziggler and maybe / maybe not love interest of AJ.  I’ve always hated the cut on his unitard, wait, I said that wrong; I’ve always thought that Big E has had great potential.  I’ll even give Big E a small benefit of the doubt due to his time with Ziggler.  Look at what AJ learned and became after time spent with him.  If Big E becomes something, we’ll have to start a “degrees from Ziggler” theory.
14. Dolph Ziggler and The Usos (11/16) – In a night that was doomed from the beginning, the only match I knew would cheer me up was the Ziggler / Usos VS The Shield match.  They did not let me down.  This was by far the best match of the night.  
15. Randy Orton (7) – Maybe the only sincere shining light on this show.  RKO’s “mean streak” continues resulting in a vicious beating of Daniel Bryan.  The whole wedding date thing was a bit awkward because we all know RKO just went through a nasty off camera divorce and the Bellas can’t act their way out of a box of Cracker Jacks.
16. Cody, Goldust and Dusty Rhodes (2) – Just to see the “real” Rhodes Family and McMahon Family out there together was great.  I’m super hyped for the Cody / Goldust VS Reigns / Rollins tag team match at Battlefield.  Once the PPV is over and we can move to the next step of the feud, I’ll have more to say.  I just want to see this match.  It should be awesome.
17. Alberto Del Rio (12) – He’s the World Champ and put on a good match.  As far as I’m concerned, he got out without any collateral damage to himself, his storyline and persona.  Good job by you, ADR.  I’m surprised they didn’t have some incredibly racists or financial-class based heel rant (probably because of the very real governmental shutdown looming later in the night, which I’m sure the McMahon’s know about all too well).  The writers must have had their plates full with the rest the WTF moments that they couldn’t fit any of that in.  Count your blessings.  
18. Kofi Kingston (14) – God, Kofi is a great wrestler.  He and Fandango put on a very good, albeit short match.  In the WTF week of Power Rankings, it’s better to be on the bottom of this list than at the top.  Congrats Kofi.  Keep it up and I hope they give you a good direction after the PPV.
19. The Shield (1) – Again, in the WTF show, this is good.  They are just awesome.  I’ve ranted enough tonight, let’s just enjoy a group that’s hit it’s stride.  I’m thrilled every time they come out and every match of theirs has been good.  Every time I predict The Shield will loose the straps, I’m proven wrong.  With the stakes the way they are for the Rhodes family, I can’t see them keeping their belts at Battlefield.
20. CM Punk (3) – When you open the show, you’re either the Owner, the Main man or chopped liver that will soon get their ass handed to them.  Then again, usually you’re appearing on RAW not WTF.  So all rationale and reasons go out the window.  Punk’s promo was a shell of what it usually is.  His match with Big E was fine.  I think we can all agree that we owe Punk a special thanks for stopping the Ryback / Heyman engagement party.  We’ll just have to wait for their announcement in the cultural section of the NY Times to get the details on their wedding.  Thank you Punk.  

Honorable Mentions

Brad Maddox – As the general manager of RAW, I’ve got to say...he hasn’t been that bad.  Maddox takes his bumps and put-downs but all-in-all he’s been serviceable.

Fandango – Sorry buddy, but be grateful you’re not on the list this week.  Out of anyone, if you’d have told me that there would be a WTF episode of RAW, I would have assumed Fandango had a prominent part to play in the WTF-ness.  Fandango put on a good match.  Let’s leave it at that.

R-Truth – At this point, I’m in a daze.  He was on the show.  What more do you want from me.  

Breast Cancer – Really, this how the WWE wants to recognize and support ANY cancer awareness?  Susan G Komen’s cancer riddled corpse must be spinning in her grave.  I think it’s a great thing that athletes (real and fake) and teams promote awareness in October (and throughout the year) by wearing and using pink on everything.  It’s a great campaign and I know it generates a ton of money.  You know what generates more money and awareness?  A winning product.  If you could choose, what do you think would be seen by more people; 1) the Jacksonville Jaguars clothed from head to toe in pink and crapping out pink shits on the field or 2) the New England Patriots having one tastefully drawn line of pink on their helmets?  I’m betting the Patriots because they have the most eyes on them due to them being a superior product?  If this first show of Cancer Awareness Month is any indication of how the next four shows are going to go, I think cancer has already won.   

Side Note(s) –

Let’s be honest with each other.  I’ve had the good luck of some really great shows for most of these Power Rankings so far.  Unfortunately, tonight, I’ve had to try to turn chicken shit in to chicken soup.  All I can say about this week's show is WTF?!?!  It totally threw me off.  I’m sure I’ll pull it together next week, just like I expect RAW to do as well. 

The WWE does not do grace and sedulity well.  That’s why I like that they have not referred to Darren Young coming out as gay.  I don’t care that he’s gay.  This is all just theater, so if the story line says he’s to fall in love with a girl, it will be no more-or-less meaningful than Mark Henry impregnating Mae Young and her giving birth (at 90+ years old) to a rubber hand.  Yes, you read that right.  A rubber hand and a 90+ year old giving birth.  So it’s no surprise to me that, to milk every drop of attention, the WWE plants breast cancer survivors front row.  Just as with the numerous times that a celebrity or military member seems to show up and have front row seats for one match, this one seemed wrong.  For one, I’d bet everything that I have that these brave and strong ladies are not wrestling fans nor have any idea of what’s going on.  I also don’t believe those were their seats and as soon as the shot was over, the rightful holders of those seats came back.  The WWE couldn’t have stuck these women in a “box” or brought them out on stage for the two-second acknowledgment of their triumphs and to receive their appreciatory applause?  I’m not against these women getting the spotlight.  I’m against the bothering of paying customers for the WWE’s self indulgence and patting themselves on the back when that too is fake.  The NFL has cancer survivors and pats themselves on the back too but it’s either at the beginning of a game on the field or they’re given seats throughout the game.  You don’t see these women on the sidelines calling plays and dodging players running out of bounds.  The WWE can never make a social or political statement without it becoming part of the theater of the absurd (which is what the WWE is and they’re great at it).  Just announce the partnership with komen.org, have the pink tie-ins and the one commercial, but leave it alone.

Until next week...

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 9-30-2013 - under construction...

WTF...

Words cannot describe what went on with RAW this week.  Unfortunately I've taken it upon myself to provide words to rank these WWE shows.

This edition of RAW was so unbelievable that I just don't have the strength to finish tonight.

I'm sorry for the delay but I'll finish this up on Tuesday.  My brain is still trying to compute what I have seen.

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 9-23-2013

Coming at you from Chicago, RAW starts off with a standing protest of mostly B, some B+/A- and a few C listers standing in protest of the WWE Management.  Who do these guys think they are, College Football Players?  The APU’s fight against the NCAA will have the same chances as this mockery of a labor dispute against the WWE brass.  I’ll reserve my thoughts on the NCAA and their “indentured servant / slave” labor force for another time.  Let’s get back on track and the fun of greased up man-on-man violence in the squared circle.  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 9/23/2013...

1. The Shield (7) – Is this the first crack between The Shield and HHH / WWE Management?  We started out believing it would be an 11-on-3 battle against The Shield but we know that nothing involving The Shield and HHH would be as it seems.  Almost every opponent of The Shield had been hurt or involved in a match earlier in the show.  They cut a good shoot taking on the whole world and put on one heck of a match considering they were 1) jumped by Cody and Goldust prior to the match; and 2) were the “three” in the 11-on-3 tag match.  Slowly, week by week, The Shield’s legend is growing.  Reign’s first pin in the WWE was an awesome series of moves by multiple participants.  Ambrose was pinned by Ziggler, which just adds to their match on SmackDown.  Rollins was the last of The Shield to be counted out.  What more could they do while loosing the main event?  They solidified their place with HHH, the crowd as heels, as wrestlers, as talkers and put on a great match.  Three gold stars. 
2. Cody Rhodes and Goldust (9) – If you haven’t been reading, then you wouldn’t know my affinity for Goldust, the potential of Cody and the awesome work of everyone in the Rhodes family recently.  Their somewhat shocking sneak attack of The Shield wasn’t the best wrestling nor did they have any mic work BUT the potential of having Goldust and Cody wrestling together, I’m getting giddy just thinking about it.  Never has a wrestler gone on a honeymoon and come back to being a main event-er, while bringing his brother and father back in the mix.  The incredible nature of events that the Rhodes family has gone through deserves extra attention.
3. CM Punk (4) – Punk being in his home town of Chicago is must see TV.  You can always expect a great crowd for him and he certainly doesn’t disappoint.  No one will forget the 2011 MITB PPV championship match between Punk and Cena, in Chicago.  The crowd was electric and the match lived up to the hype.  It was a larger version of the old ECW days where the crowd felt like they really connected to the wrestlers and in turn the wrestlers fed on the crowd to leave everything in the ring.  Shall I dare say, not since Bret Hart and Calgary / Canada has there been a wrestler more tied to a home town / region than Punk + Chicago?  I’m sure my buddy Fred will have the answer to this very controversial question.  Punk came, Punk saw, Punk killed his promo.  What more can I say... So let’s move on.  But before we do, let’s mention he’s probably the only wrestler that the WWE lets him speak knowing they might have to use the 7 second delay and they don’t care.  Can you say “Austin” heel?  And then...
4. Heyman (3) – Just as you thought the crowd couldn’t get any more worked up, Heyman comes strolling, sorry...rolling, in on a rascal scooter singing New York, New York.  While Heyman can’t dance with the devil in the ring, he performs a ballet with Punk on the mic and it’s beautiful.
5. HHH w/ Stephanie McMahon (1) – This week Stephanie came out with HHH so no honorable mentions, these two are ranked together this week.  This week wasn’t bad but they’ve put the bar so high, I have to drop them a notch or two when they don’t hit home runs.  Their drop is a sign of respect.  It seemed like they knew it was time to take baby steps back, if only for a night, to let the rest of the talent shine.  The rest of the roster stepped up literally and figuratively.  Knowing that the rest of the roster was going to be used, HHH and Stephanie appeared sparingly.  Funny note; when Stephanie was “dogging” out Miz for being their utility player and doing all the little things, that was actually one of the greatest compliments.  If you know anything about the wrestling biz, the people that get sent to do the morning shows and grocery store openings are the stars (for the most part) and usually means they have long term plans for you.  Again, add this to the blurring of the lines style of storytelling that HHH, Stephanie and the writing staff are doing with shoot vs real life.  Good work to all the creative staff.
6. Daniel Bryan (2) – It took 2 and a half hours for us to finally get DB out on the mic.  He’s obviously comfortable on the mic but I can’t tell if I like his every-man talk or if it’s just awkwardly effective?  Either way, it was enjoyable and just long enough before he was interrupted.  It’s amazing how crowds have fallen in love with him.  It also helps that when the whole crowd is in unison, screaming “Yes, Yes, Yes” and thrusting both fingers in the air, it becomes and awesome visual on screen.
7. Randy Orton (8) – For two weeks RKO has put on brutal expositions of what he can do to fellow wrestlers in the ring.  For all the stories (real and scripted) that RKO is involved in it’s easy to forget he’s a natural wrestler (that’s natural in skills, not PED / recreational drug-wise but who am I to judge).  He’s a legacy wrestler so it’s in his blood to be able to put on a good solid match.  His “psycho” character from a few years ago hurt him in-ring.  Now that he’s a corporate heel and his motivation is to be the “face of the WWE,” he’s back to putting on quality in-ring displays.  People would be doing themselves, and RKO, a huge discredit if they just thought he was Cena 2.0.  Even though they came into the WWE around the same time, RKO was always the better wrestler.
8. The Wyatt Family (11) – OK, I got shit for keeping the Wyatts on my list for only having a two-second promo.  To make matters worse, I kept them at #11.  I’ll admit when I’m into an individual or group, I can go overboard and do crazy things.  Thankfully The Wyatt Family was back live and had a match.  Bray sat this one out, in his rocking chair, which 1) if the rest of their gimmick wasn’t so good we’d really pick on the stupid rocking chair and the blowing out of the electric light; and 2) the whole “Family” is just huge so I’ll let you tell them that a part of their gimmick is stupid.  They put a whopping on the Primetime Players, which is not easily done (even in the world of predetermined matches).
9. RVD (12) – Um, yeah, hmmm.  When I think of the great labor union reps in American history, the names Hoffa, Miller, Fehr, Debs, Chavez, etc. but I don’t think RVD will go down in the annuls of labor history.  I appreciate that RVD got to be the voice of the protest and was sorta surprised that he was able to step out of the BlackberryKush-fog to actually make an intelligible comment, but what did I say a few weeks ago about having RVD speak?  DO NOT DO IT.  Less is more.  Whatever, no one listens to me anyway.  At least he was in a good match with RKO.
10. Santino (N/A) – Santino alert, Santino alert!  I’m slowing regaining my senses that he’s back because he’s not in the top 10 this week.  I’m not totally cured because he put on a poor match with Fandango and he’s taking up a top spot.  Look, when you guys do a list, you can put Santino anywhere you want.  I choose to put him at 10.  Get over it.
11. Dolph Ziggler (5) – Even with 11 other teammates, Ziggler shines.  Now maybe he should be dropped a little further but I’ve been so happy with the Ziggler / Ambrose feud that I might just be compelled to watch SmackDown to watch their US Title match.  Should be a good one.
12. Alberto Del Rio (N/A) – ADR’s exclusion from this list week was very wrong of me.  In my defense, it was a packed week with a lot of great work to which ADR didn’t wrestle or involve himself in any match or promo.  He is the champ and his two top contenders, Sandow and RVD, fought for what seemed to be the person who would be next to challenge ADR for his World Title.  ADR is another underrated in-ring wrestler, and given the right opponent he can put on a great match.  He was given such an opponent this week in Kofi Kingston. 
13. AJ Lee (10) – Marse, a member of my wrestling crew, has been on the AJ train for a while and as much as it will pain me to not be able to make fun of him and his irrational love for AJ, I’m going to have to keep my mouth shut at our next gathering.  As you know, I too have jumped on the AJ crazy train and for the first time in years I’ve been interested in a Divas match.
14. Kofi Kingston (N/A) – Back from injury and back on TV.  You forget the raw talent that Kofi brings to a match and how exciting his matches are.  He and ADR were given a full match (for RAW standards) and it was excellent.  If they can just get Kofi a good / natural gimmick (that’s me being kind and not saying, “drop the Jamaican crap”) there’s no doubt he could take off.  He could be the “face” version of Ziggler.  Yeah, I said it.  Think about it and tell me I’m wrong...I’ll wait....
15. Primetime Players (16) – The good news is that they’re back on RAW in a full tag match.  The bad news is that they’re up against the Wyatt Family.  This match proved my statement that tag teams are back.  They came out on the wrong end of the match but it was a good match.
16. The Usos (16) – In the 11-on-3 tag match, they performed excellently.  I’d be remiss to not mention how great they were in the main event match.  Add in that they were technically the first ones ever to pin Reigns.  They did what all good wrestlers do, they forced themselves onto this list and to be noticed, with what little air time they had.
17. Ryback and Curtis Axel (15/20) – Along with Heyman, they helped steal the show with CM Punk.  Sometimes you don’t need to do anything incredible to be effective.  You knew Punk would be willing to take a stiff bump in front of his home crowd.  Ryback delivered and continued his crusade against boollies (as he puts it).  Hopefully he doesn’t walk by any mirrors.
18. The Big Show (14) – Did I stutter when I said, “slow and steady?”  At least Big Show wasn’t crying through each of his appearances but he didn’t do much other than throw a punch and have a pouty face during MizTV.
19. Fandango (17) – Not the most impressive match against Santino.  I don’t even know what the purpose was for.  Just to see Summer Rae and to get both wrestlers some air time is all I can come up with.
20. The Miz (19) – Poor Miz takes a great beating last week and then is forced to do a MizTV this week.  MizTV with a blubbering and blathering Big Show.  Whatever Miz did to HHH to make him suffer is the Miz’s fault, I don’t see why we, the audience, have to suffer through a MizTV.  Punish Miz all you want but why do we need to sit through a MizTV?  Get him back in the wring and in a feud.  Please.  Oh, and by the way, Miz can never say he is embarrassed by anything he does “in front of his friends, family and mother” in the WWE when you’ve been on the Real World and The Challenge multiple times in your life.  Those are embarrassing moments, the WWE is just your job.

Honorable Mentions

This is no longer an Honorable Mention, I WANT TO SEE LOS MATADORES...NOW!!!  Luckily the 2nd promo stated that they’d be at RAW next week so let’s keep our fingers crossed that they can live up to the hype.

R-Truth – He really didn’t do much to fall out of the top 20 but he also didn’t do much to stay in the top 20.  If I had more space I would have slotted him in but this is the way the cookie crumbles.

Damien Sandow – This was a total time thing.  Sandow has been great when given the chance but there’s only so much air time.  He was not on TV and he doesn’t have a direction to go in yet with the MITB case.  Just wait, he’ll be back in the top 20 soon.

John Cena – I know, I know but what can I say.  He’s been gone for a while now and Total Divas isn’t on so for the first time in years, he hasn’t been forced on to my each week.  You know that old say, absence makes the heart grow stronger, well it’s true.  The other day while watching a commercial for the WWE that had Cena in it, I said to myself, “I wonder how is and what is Cena up to?”  There’s a chance that when Cena comes back, I might be excited...depending on how the WWE plays it.  If he’s pushed right back into a championship match without having to work a few months getting his feet wet, I’m not going to be too pleased.  If played correctly, I could be very into his return.  I’m 99% sure this wouldn’t happen but wouldn’t this be the best opportunity for Cena to get a heel run.  Just for a little while, then he could go back to being the face of faces of the WWE.  All the hipster-city-liberal fans (I’ll include myself in that description) would love at least one good heel run by Cena.  He’s never going to be able to do it once he’s back in the WWE full time.  He makes them too much money as the face of the WWE.  But he could pull it off for a few month right as he comes back to work and has a blank slate story-wise.  Just saying.  It’s a thought.  I promise not to bring him up until he comes back.  I’m sorry, I think my girlfriend is playing his rap album while I sleep to subconsciously get me to like him.  He’s her favorite wrestler.  We’re a house divided.

Side Note(s) – I only mention this because I’m in full Emmy wrap up / Fashion Police mode but can Stephanie McMahon get a full time personal stylist.  Ever since she’s been on TV, for all these years, she’s never had a good look.  She’s worth billions, watched by millions and could easily afford (or be given outfits by designers even as advertising) a solid and consistent look.  HHH and Mr. McMahon, in fact most of the wrestlers, throughout time have always dressed well when not in “uniform.”  Whether it’s been a part of their character like Ric Flair or The Million Dollar Man, or just their own out of the ring attire like Cena or The Rock, all these guys have great suits and look good.  Stephanie has always looked a mess but not for a lack of trying.  She had on great boots but then a frumpy dress with “business blazer”?  Let’s pull it together, Princess of the WWE, and don’t be afraid to look stylish each week.  It’s not as if you’re going to take bumps or be have an impromptu match.  Don’t make me call Joan Rivers on you.  (I’m sure I’ve just lost my three readers but damn it, I don’t care.  I stand up for my opinions!)

I’d wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t point out that Jerry “The King” should be careful about certain comments.  I’m not talking about any dumb “puppies” reference to boobs or jokes so old Henny Youngman would roll over in his grave.  No, it’s that he should NEVER talk about people, in this case Summer Rae, having a “smile surgically removed” when, other than his heart attack on live air, The King’s best known in the last 20 years for having a face lift that was so bad and appearing on TV the next day where you could still see the cuts from having his face stretched and put back on.  Glass houses Jerry, glass houses... 

Overall, this was a very good show.  HHH and crew did a good job taking a step back and letting the various story lines play out.  Also a very exciting main event. 

Until next week...

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 9-16-2013

“Hello, Cleveland!” (Will that line ever get old?  Will I ever be able to say that line out loud without using a British accent?  The answer to both questions is no.)  Coming at you from Cleveland, a night after the Night of Champions (NoC) PPV.  With the frequency of WWE Pay-Per-Views and the more life throws onto my plate, it is harder and harder to watch every PPV.  So while I didn’t watch NoC live last night, I got the rundown and have my secret sources to watch it online.  But let’s face it, PPVs are great and for the die-hard wresting fan it’s the last bastion to find actual wrestling matches (not just 10 minute quickies chopped up with commercials), but that’s all a PPV is, wrestling matches.  For purposes of this Power Ranking, a PPV can mostly be served by reading the results.  The irony of a good PPV is that it really shows who is a good “wrestler” and can tell a story within a match; and who are the wrestlers who need the writers to tell their stories and are just big guys throwing each other around a squared-circle.  Two examples are Heyman and Ziggler, who are both great, but you’ll see what I mean.  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 9/16/2013...

1. HHH (1) – Congratulations MLB, you’re now behind the WWE in use of instant replay for it’s officials... I’ve been around long enough to see the “fast count” be used before but, again, you have to hand it to this new era of writing staff, HHH and Stephanie to work the “fast count” and bring instant replay together.  Let’s also give it up to the WWE “both” because they were on point with the clips and footage.  There’s nothing more awkward than a wrestler or promoter saying, “let’s see the clip” and just standing there with 15,000 people live and millions watching a blank screen.  I almost want to...(see honorable mentions).  HHH using “fast counts” and “conspiracies” is lost on the young.  Any older fan will / should be laughing at this because HHH is trolling us.  For years HHH was the “back-room mastermind” on many dirt sheets and “locker-room manipulator” by people “in the know” (I know, I’m using too many “ ” this week, but if you could see me, I’m doing “bunny ears” as well.  Life imitates art and art imitates life.)  I know it’s easy to keep HHH in the #1 slot but each week he’s going out there and doing something new and different to push the main story and getting his hands dirty in the smaller story lines as well.  Even at the PPV, I liked how there was to be “no interference because I want to make sure you’re the right choice as face of WWE” as said to RKO.  It’s actually very mature storytelling.  It would be easy just to say, here’s the face of our company and the little guy is the underdog.  But then he adds the next level of, “hey I can only do so much, I need to KNOW that I’m making the right decision.  I’ll bend the rules for you but RKO, you now need to go out there and prove you can beat Daniel Bryan on your own.” (paraphrasing weeks and hours of story for you)  This is next level shit boys and girls.  Next level, I tells ya!  He’s worked it to having total and absolute control of the top strap in the WWE.  We’re now more invested in who HHH is going to put AS the Champ vs who IS the champ.  (Which then give credence to all the “mastermind / manipulator” stuff, but now he’s the actual owner so he’s supposed to do this stuff.  My mind is starting to overheat.  Back away so no one gets hurt it case of explosion.)
2. Daniel Bryan (2) – Crowned the new WWE Champion last night (To all those who may not know, there’s a big difference between the WWE and World champion. While “World” might sound bigger, nothing is bigger than “WWE”, at least in the eyes of Vince McMahon.  The WWE Championship is the belt you want to have.)  He’s stripped of the title and again thrown under the bus.  Two wins and he still hasn’t “kept” the belt.  This will only work for so long.  His final winning of the belt will be either awesome and well earned or be pushed to far.  HHH and staff are walking a fine line, but I’ll trust them.
3. Heyman (8) – Heyman can’t wrestle.  He doesn’t even try.  This isn’t a Vince or Shane McMahon gimmick, where he really does try to put on a good wrestling match.  Heyman is a talker.  That is his weapon and he knows it.  “Know thyself.”  If anyone embodies this it’s Heyman.  He ran ECW.  He knows how to tell a story and who he needs to be.  This is his flaw when it comes to PPVs which centers on in-ring capabilities.  He, and the writing crew knew enough because they let him “fight” with his words on the PPV.  Then, just as Punk is about to serve him his justice, right as Punk says, “I’m going to break your face!”; Ryback sneaks in and breaks Punk through a table.  Classic ECW, BTW.  To top it all off, to be carried out of the PPV like a dead tuna was just too great.  Like I said, he knows himself and isn’t afraid of making the joke and being the joke.  For a non-wrestler to pull all that off at a PPV and he’s been killing it on RAW, he’s getting a top spot. “We all know how many heathens are here in Cleveland.”
4. CM Punk (9) – Takes a great table shot at the PPV.  I’ll stop complaining about him not being a heel for now.  He’s now a money generator for the WWE and with Cena out, they need people to fill the face void (for good or bad, Cena put in a ton of work as the face of WWE and carried that load well).  The WWE is in the money making business, not the make Willie happy business.  Put on good matches, have a good feud and perform good promos, what more can I ask for.  
5. Dolph Ziggler (10) – Moving back up the charts because he’s just that good.  Win, loose or whatever.  He puts on great matches.  He makes others better.  Even though his “character” isn’t as strong as it was, he’s still outworking to overcome everything against him.  No gimmick, no story and a heel that the crowd cheers for.  All of that and I still don’t fast-forward through his matches.  As I mentioned at the beginning, he’s one of the wrestlers that is great on a PPV.  He can put on a match and whether you’ve seen the weeks leading up to the PPV or you’ve just turned on the match, he tells a story with his in ring ability.  You can turn on a Ziggler match and be totally entertained.
6. Dean Ambrose (7) – I’m breaking up the Shield this week, and only temporarily, because 1) he put on two great matches with Ziggler at NoC and RAW, 2) been killing it on his own, which was a surprise to many that he’s broken out as the best of The Shield (so far) and 3)...
7. The Shield sans Ambrose (7) – Rollins and Reigns of The Shield put on a great match of their own vs the Primetime Players.  From their collective entrances from the stands to their in ring work; The Shield has been killing their opportunities.  They very well could be the next DX or Horseman.  Tip of advice, keep it small and tight.  Don’t go down the NWO line where there’re more NWO members than “other” wrestlers.  Remember when it was the NWO vs The Rock and Austin.  Yeah, that was bad.  Is there a way to forget about NWO B&W / RED / Mexican, other than electroshock therapy?
8. Randy Orton (3) – Even though he’s doing great and I like where he’s headed, you cannot loose to Bryan Daniel and NOT fall a few spots.  It’s OK, win a few matches and you’ll get back to the top.  He certainly put to rest anything thoughts of RKO loosing his vicious streak.  He destroyed Miz. 
9. Cody Rhodes / Dusty Rhodes (4) – You’ll only get one good shoot from a legend per year, if that.  Enjoy them while they’re still around, and able to put together coherent (or as coherent as they’ve always been) promos.  Cody owes his family a big thank you for filling in for him while he’s on his honeymoon.  Even bigger props for the Rhodes family for being ABLE to fill in and do so well.  From Goldust to The Dream, you can’t ask for much better.  Goldust’s match was a little better than The Dream’s promo but you’ve got to give it to the old man for taking an albeit very fake bump from The Big Show.
10. AJ Lee (11) – Off the cuff, “there’s a lot of yelling or is that just a cat being banged against the wall.”  God, I hope that’s her coming up with those lines and not some writer in her ear 100%.  I’ll ride-or-die with AJ as long as she’s against anyone from that taint-lick of a show, Total Divas.  
11. The Wyatt Family (5) – I’m soooooo glad they made a brief appearance.  I didn’t want to take them off the list.  They’re so good and hot right now that I’ll keep them at #11 just for making a promo.
12. RVD (16) – Ricardo Rodriguez plays a good, if not odd, ring announcer for RVD.  The man always deserves a proper introduction.  Mr. Monday Night.  Mr. Pay-Per-View.  The Whole Fucking Show.  Rob. Van. Dam.  My buddy Fred threw out the idea of RR being a mole for Alberto Del Rio.  It would seem unlikely since he didn’t turn on RVD at the PPV and he held the chair for the Van-Terminator but we’re not exactly talking Breaking Bad level writing.  WWE writing might be at an all-time high but let’s not forget it’s still wrestling.  WWE easily gets higher ratings than Breaking Bad each week.  Let’s remember who the show is written for.  Considering that, I like the eventual turn by RR hanging over the RVD / ADR feud (possibly throw in Sandow, I won’t complain).
13. Damien Sandow (15) – I think we finally see a plot for Sandow.  He’s the holder of the World Championship MITB so it makes sense that he first starts to fight with RVD which will lead to a three-way for the championship, a straight feud with ADR or a classic MITB-end-of-match-run-in.  “You’re Welcome” 
14. The Big Show (14) – Slow and steady wins the race.  He’s got tremendous talent (acting-wise), he’s willing to do anything storyline or in-ring (Remember the failed powerbomb by Nash, which almost killed him?) and he’s just so BIG.  Unfortunately, I’ve never loved any of his plots and he’s not exactly nimble in the ring.  Keep working hard and totally embarrassing yourself and you’ll keep rising the ranks.
15. Ryback (N/A) – Yes, he’s very Goldberg-y.  But to call him a straight rip off would be unfair.  He’s more and can be so.  Although I wouldn’t want to owe my life to him, as Heyman claims to be indebted to.  Also, the part about hating bullies?  Wasn’t Ryback the one bullying people for the past month?  “Oh, sweet irony.”  
16. Tag Teams (N/A) – I’ve always been a fan of TRUE tag teams.  Teams like Demolition and The Legion of Doom were always favorites of mine.  For so long all wrestling has ignored the old school tag teams in favor of individual wrestlers.  I can understand if it’s better for business and possibly the individual to be a WWE Superstar but a true tag team and tag-team-moves can be very good and fun.  Usos, The Shield, Primetime Players, Wyatt Family, etc.  These are good times for tag teams.
17. Fandango (19) – OK, if we’re all being honest here, it doesn’t NOT help that he brings out Summer Rae with him.  Also, I’m coming around on the “joke” of Fandango BUT only as long as the WWE sees it as a joke.  Make his entrances bigger but cheaper looking at the same time.  
18. R-Truth (20) – See, I knew I was right to put R-Truth on my list last week.  He’s always been a good (but seemingly stiff, as in hard hitter) wrestler.  His plots and characters have never really done it for me.  Maybe a pairing with Miz and a feud with Fandango is what he needs to just wrestle and let the story take place around him.
19. The Miz (18) – Miz, Miz, Miz...You know all too well not to hug a family member before a show, that’s the kiss of death.  To have your parents ringside, you might as well just hit yourself in the head with a steel post and get counted out outside the ring.  Rookie move bro... (And the “deal” that got you happy was to face RKO?!  No, no, no...You want to face a jobber when in front of your home crowd, not the guy trying to prove he should be the champ and has a chip on his shoulder.)  I hope Miz’s mom knows this is all fake.  She didn’t look like she was taking his beat down well. 
20. Curtis Axel (17) – Great job wheeling out Heyman out.  It’s not fun when you loose to CM Punk, is it?

Honorable Mentions

WWE Production Crew - Hey, I’m a man of my word.  Good work does not go unnoticed and good job by yous guys.  Really, they put on a live show every Monday (not to mention all the taped hours during the week) and every three weeks have a PPV.  In the past, you could always count on a production error or gaff but these days the WWE Production is pretty flawless.  It might not be on the level of Sunday / Monday Night Football but I can’t think of a harder or more demanding production schedule.  I tip my cap.  Just to prove how easily something can go wrong but usually doesn’t, is the incorrect Damien Sandow music being played when RVD won the match.  This is an all encompassing show production and unlike other sports, the WWE controls everything you see.  At least with Football, the players and the teams are responsible for the on field action.  The fact that every second of a 3-hour show isn’t a total clusterfuck is quite the accomplishment.  

Stephanie McMahon – I alway figure that SM is a part of HHH when doing these rankings but some nights, as with tonight, she comes out on her own and kills it as well. Great job with The Dream.  I’ll take the Bed, Bath and Beyond gift certificate.  I’ve got a 10% off coupon to make that gift card go further.

Los Matadores – The one thing I can’t stand is how long the WWE builds up some wrestlers’ debuts.  We’ll be hearing about The Matadors for weeks and when they debut it will be almost impossible for them to live up to the hype.

Side Note(s) – Give it up to literacy.  I guess WWE is really serious about getting kids to read.  Using words like “abeyance” as the status of the WWE title should make every middle school English teacher happy.  Just like when my Spanish teacher was surprised that I could suddenly count to ten in perfect Spanish when I got into my Lucha Libre phase and chanted along with the crowd as someone was being pummeled in the corner.

Is it too much a leap to say that Ryback Rules include same sex marriages?  Leave it up to Heyman and Ryback to creep people out on gay rights.  The real looser is gay rights.  They were doing so well.  I’m sure GLAAD was like, “Guys, it’s OK, we don’t need you on this one.  There’s enough homo-erotism in wrestling, we don’t need any help.” 

At the end of the show, when all the wrestlers from the back came out to help Daniel Bryan, did anyone else get pumped for what should be a very good Royal Rumble in January?  There’s a lot of talent and good story lines going.  If this continues, Survivor Series might be watchable again for the first time in years and the Rumble will be awesome.

Until next week...