WWE Power Rankings, RAW 9-30-2013

Coming at you from Biloxi (as in Mississippi but it should have been Blues), if I just wrote WTF 3,000 times and was finished with tonights posting, it would be justified.  

WARNING: Earmuffs to all those who don’t want to hear a grown man explode about a fake sporting event.

I was looking forward to waxing poetically about how a small town crowd reminded me of the old days of wrestling where territories ruled and it wasn’t about big Federations trying to sell PPVs and the promoters and performers knew how to tell a story which played to the intimate audience right there.  In turn the crowds would go crazy for hometown heroes and there were really strong heel and face characterizations, which for good and bad have gone away in the globalized WWE...

That idea was shot in the head about 5 minutes into the show.  This one was BAD!

OK, WWE, you want to fuck with me?  You want to make a mockery of my newly minted and highly entertaining Power Rankings, fine!  Fuck with me? NO, I fuck with you!  Two can play at this game... 

I should have known this was going to be an epic show.  You know things are bad when there’s a Pre-List to the Power Ranking list.  Here’s a list of clues that should have set off code-red alerts to how bad this show was going to be.

1. They never showed the city that they were in at the beginning of the show.
2. The first three minutes of the show, was a clip package from last week’s show.
3. Clearly everyone was either watching (or was intimidated by) the Breaking Bad finale last night and couldn’t put together a solid show tonight.  Tonight’s RAW just tastes of distraction.
4. Everything was now centered around the Battleground PPV, which before tonight I had no idea was even on this Sunday (which is the problem that occurs when you have needless PPVs on just because you want to sell a PPV every 3 weeks).
5. The free, pre-show match at Battlefield was announced to be Ziggler VS Sandow, which should be either the first match of the PPV or one of the main events.  WTF?!?!
6. None of the matches made sense (but I don’t fault the wrestlers, the matches were actually pretty good, wrestling-wise). 
7. I believe in the bible the first sign of the apocalypse is frogs raining down (or was that just the movie Magnolia?) but tonight it was; how come Heyman wasn’t there for his feud with Punk the RAW before a PPV?  Was this because he wouldn’t travel outside a major city?  Would going to Biloxi would be beneath him?  No because sadly I remember ECW being at some of this country’s finest Bingo Halls and Elk Lodges, so a crappy arena shouldn’t keep him away.  Instead of continuing the great Punk / Heyman promos, we get...wait for it...the excitement is building...Brad Maddox.  Silence.  Actual Silence from the crowd.  It was just poor writing and worse execution.  If you thought Brad Maddox silent but deadly entrance was going to be the worse thing about RAW?  Oh how wrong you would be.
8. Secondly, I thought, maybe HHH, Stephanie and the writing staff had the week off and didn’t attend this show.  You know, “while the cat’s away the mice will” play sort of thing.  That’s not the case because they were in the arena to be apart of the Rhodes family story line.

This was all BULLSHIT, literally...

So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 9/30/2013...

1. Los Matadores (N/A) – WTF!?!?  Ok, I’ve waited (and been excited) for Los Matadores for weeks now.  I was all fine with this being a rebranding of two wrestlers.  I was even expecting a little comedy to be inserted with the gimmick.  But a fucking midget Lucha Libre wrestler dressed as a bull is not only their valet but the “third” member!  The WWE wants me to feel foolish about being excited for one of their new gimmicks?  They think they can Gobbledy Gooker me?  Well, here you go WWE.  Number 1 with a bullet, Los Matadores!  Thank you ladies and gentlemen, it’s going to be a long night.  Hide your children because we’re about to get a little weird in here. 
2. 3MB (N/A) – You know it’s a bad sign when you can only get 2 of the 3MB’s. Of the incomparable 3MB, only the fake-Hindu and the faux-Rocker were the only two that could make it?  What, was the other one too busy sucking dick to show up?
3. Curtis Axel (17b) – Why not put Axel in the top 10?  We’re getting crazy tonight.  He’s the spawn of Mr. Perfect and in a few years he could be a true superstar but as of now, he’s outclassed and overmatched.  His reign as IC champ is being wasted and in turn hurting the value of the IC strap.  It’s no surprise that his longest match is on the biggest WTF show of the year.  Then to fall for the old “enemy music distraction” only cements his mediocre standing.
4. The Big Show (18) – You know it’s bad when in the WTF episode of RAW, you’re the worst “actor” of the night and half your promo is a clip from SmackDown.  I long for the blithering and blathering crying days of Big Show.  Whatever this was, this over the top anger / rage emotional explosion, I can live without.  But since this is “opposite day,” congrats Big Show, you’re in the top 10.  “He knows not what he does,” was a great line by Stephanie...No, must fight...compliments...not...yet...
5. The Wyatt Family (8) – My friend Fred gave me crap about having the Wyatts so high up the last two weeks when they really haven’t had a defined feud / opponent or a clear direction to what they’re supposed to be doing.  After seeing the light, I was prepared to drop them down to their proper ranking (which should be around 13 - 17).  It’s no secret that I love The Wyatts but seriously, WTF is going on this week?  When Bray Wyatt rambles on it can be very hit or miss and this week I am totally confused.  Maybe this played right into the minds of the local Mississippi crowd, but I sure as hell couldn’t follow what was going on.  It seems to me that Bray has been speaking to Sister Abigail too much this week and to speak with her he must ingest large quantities of Molly or HGB because he was trippin’.  I long for the days when I would get that high.  The difference is, I’d be trippin’ balls in the safety of my house, not in front of a live crowd and TV audience.  To make matters worse, after the Family comes out and Bray drones on, the only saving grace was a potential interaction with Kofi (who was still out there from his previous match) but NOTHING came of it.  They went to commercial and when they came back we were on to the next thing.  If you only care about what score you get and not the reasons behind it, congrats Wyatts, you’ve gotten your highest ranking but if this was a real week, you’d be in the bottom quarter.
6. Daniel Bryan (6) – And if you thought that Bryan was safe in this WTF episode, you’d be very wrong.  Where do I start?  So when we last left Total Divas, there was some sort of hint that Daniel and his (what I thought was already his fiancé) girlfriend Brie Bella were possibly going through a rough patch in their relationship, or as the promo for the new season would have us believe.  Now they’re officially engaged.  How lucky are we all that thanks to Total Divas, we will have a video documentary of their whole engagement and soon to be wedding.  Let me guess, theres some overreaction to Bryan’s new status as a main event guy and Brie feels left out.  There is some fake tension that she’ll have to break up with him, you know for him realizing his life long dream which she’s known about for years, only to be duped and he proposes to her to solidify their relationship.  They go off and live happily ever after.  I. Can’t. Wait.  The feelings of anticipation that I have for the new episodes of Total Divas are similar to the feeling I have each day waiting for the IRS to levy my bank account for taxes I owe the government.  Then to add insult to injury, Bryan has to go out and get his ass handed to him, which of course results in Brie coming out and being so heart broken.  We’re constantly talking about the blurred lines of late in the WWE, between reality and fiction.  So this may have worked with say Miz and his mother the other week, but not when both parties are in on the whole work of the business and are involved with the behind the scenes show.  WTF?!?!
7. Two Divas (N/A) – So instead of getting more AJ, either on the mic or wrestling, we are treated with a Brie Bella and Alicia Fox match.  Yes, why give us more of a good thing.
8. Heyman (4) – I can only imagine him saying, “I came to butt-fuck Mississippi to do this?  What a waste of time.”  I’ll give him this, he sold it with all his heart.  Which leads us to...
9. Ryback (17a) – While we’re on a run of fake and absurd relationships, let’s add another. You know how I’ve been joking about all the gay undertones going on between Ryback and Heyman, well I guess they weren’t just undertones.  The WWE is really going for it.  NO one is a bigger support of same sex marriage than I am (well, except for the gay people I suppose).  WTF are Heyman and Ryback doing?  I don’t know for sure but I’ll guess Mississippi is not a hotbed for gay rights.  Even though Ryback and Heyman put on a tender moment (?) this was not the city for this to go down.  The crowd was dead and was more in silent shock.  I wish they would have done this in New York or California or one of the states that just passed marriage equality rights because then I think the crowd would have been insane throughout the performance.  Exhibit A is the guy behind them in the white hat and black RVD shirt, screaming and gesturing NO, NO, NO through this whole commitment speech.  I don’t know who the WWE wants to be the “Face” of their brand, but I doubt that the LBGT wants these to be the faces of their movement.
   
   
10. AC / Zeb / The All-American American VS The Clown Patrol (Santino / Hornswaggle / Khali) (?) – Ohhh how the mighty has fallen.  I’m sorry my sweet Santino.  I was hoping that Santino wouldn’t be apart of WTF because he would have been off this list (in a week that being off the list is a good thing).  No, the WWE had one last embarrassment bullet for WTF night.  Let’s team Santino up with the midget and the giant.  Any hopes that Santino would make a true run at a title have now been spun away by AC’s swinging toss.  A move that’s so old, it gave The King flashbacks to when he wrestled with Andy Kaufman.  The next thing really got me to say, “WTF?”  Out of all the shows and places of late, why would Zeb consider Mississippi a “3rd world or foreign country?”  Maybe my demographics are off, but I’d think Zeb and his Tea Party gimmick would be a hero to many in Mississippi.  Maybe he’s trying to keep up with Rep. Ted Cruz as most hated political person by both sides of the isle.  Burn all bridges because any heat is good heat.
11. HHH with Stephanie aka The Authority (5) – If crapping on my monday wasn’t bad enough.  If embarrassing komen.org with such a clusterfuck of a show (tell me why El Torito couldn’t have had pink ribbons dangling from it’s horns, you know, to really just take it to the next level) wasn’t already an embarrassment.  Now HHH and Stephanie has to besmirch one of the best comic books, The Authority, by taking it’s name and thrusting it upon us as their new moniker.  I’m really starting to feel like tonight’s show was specifically made to piss me off.  Is this the Truman Show?  Am I trapped in a dome and a billion people are watching me go insane for their amusement?  If so, HELP!  Get me out of here!  Stop reading this now and go get me help!  (I don’t care how great the two of them are right now, I’m not giving them any credit tonight because even if THEIR parts were good, they’re responsible for tonight’s clusterfuck show.)  
12. Zack Rider (N/A) – Yes, let’s unleash every wrestler that has had nothing to do in months.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t realize that WWE wasn’t just contributing to charities like komen.org but also to charities such as the Zack Rider-hasn’t-had-a-match foundation.  The worst part is that Rider is another good wrestler.  I feel bad that his only screen time was on WTF RAW.
13. Big E Langston (N/A) – Welcome to the Power Rankings.  Big E has spent many months as an enforcer for Ziggler and maybe / maybe not love interest of AJ.  I’ve always hated the cut on his unitard, wait, I said that wrong; I’ve always thought that Big E has had great potential.  I’ll even give Big E a small benefit of the doubt due to his time with Ziggler.  Look at what AJ learned and became after time spent with him.  If Big E becomes something, we’ll have to start a “degrees from Ziggler” theory.
14. Dolph Ziggler and The Usos (11/16) – In a night that was doomed from the beginning, the only match I knew would cheer me up was the Ziggler / Usos VS The Shield match.  They did not let me down.  This was by far the best match of the night.  
15. Randy Orton (7) – Maybe the only sincere shining light on this show.  RKO’s “mean streak” continues resulting in a vicious beating of Daniel Bryan.  The whole wedding date thing was a bit awkward because we all know RKO just went through a nasty off camera divorce and the Bellas can’t act their way out of a box of Cracker Jacks.
16. Cody, Goldust and Dusty Rhodes (2) – Just to see the “real” Rhodes Family and McMahon Family out there together was great.  I’m super hyped for the Cody / Goldust VS Reigns / Rollins tag team match at Battlefield.  Once the PPV is over and we can move to the next step of the feud, I’ll have more to say.  I just want to see this match.  It should be awesome.
17. Alberto Del Rio (12) – He’s the World Champ and put on a good match.  As far as I’m concerned, he got out without any collateral damage to himself, his storyline and persona.  Good job by you, ADR.  I’m surprised they didn’t have some incredibly racists or financial-class based heel rant (probably because of the very real governmental shutdown looming later in the night, which I’m sure the McMahon’s know about all too well).  The writers must have had their plates full with the rest the WTF moments that they couldn’t fit any of that in.  Count your blessings.  
18. Kofi Kingston (14) – God, Kofi is a great wrestler.  He and Fandango put on a very good, albeit short match.  In the WTF week of Power Rankings, it’s better to be on the bottom of this list than at the top.  Congrats Kofi.  Keep it up and I hope they give you a good direction after the PPV.
19. The Shield (1) – Again, in the WTF show, this is good.  They are just awesome.  I’ve ranted enough tonight, let’s just enjoy a group that’s hit it’s stride.  I’m thrilled every time they come out and every match of theirs has been good.  Every time I predict The Shield will loose the straps, I’m proven wrong.  With the stakes the way they are for the Rhodes family, I can’t see them keeping their belts at Battlefield.
20. CM Punk (3) – When you open the show, you’re either the Owner, the Main man or chopped liver that will soon get their ass handed to them.  Then again, usually you’re appearing on RAW not WTF.  So all rationale and reasons go out the window.  Punk’s promo was a shell of what it usually is.  His match with Big E was fine.  I think we can all agree that we owe Punk a special thanks for stopping the Ryback / Heyman engagement party.  We’ll just have to wait for their announcement in the cultural section of the NY Times to get the details on their wedding.  Thank you Punk.  

Honorable Mentions

Brad Maddox – As the general manager of RAW, I’ve got to say...he hasn’t been that bad.  Maddox takes his bumps and put-downs but all-in-all he’s been serviceable.

Fandango – Sorry buddy, but be grateful you’re not on the list this week.  Out of anyone, if you’d have told me that there would be a WTF episode of RAW, I would have assumed Fandango had a prominent part to play in the WTF-ness.  Fandango put on a good match.  Let’s leave it at that.

R-Truth – At this point, I’m in a daze.  He was on the show.  What more do you want from me.  

Breast Cancer – Really, this how the WWE wants to recognize and support ANY cancer awareness?  Susan G Komen’s cancer riddled corpse must be spinning in her grave.  I think it’s a great thing that athletes (real and fake) and teams promote awareness in October (and throughout the year) by wearing and using pink on everything.  It’s a great campaign and I know it generates a ton of money.  You know what generates more money and awareness?  A winning product.  If you could choose, what do you think would be seen by more people; 1) the Jacksonville Jaguars clothed from head to toe in pink and crapping out pink shits on the field or 2) the New England Patriots having one tastefully drawn line of pink on their helmets?  I’m betting the Patriots because they have the most eyes on them due to them being a superior product?  If this first show of Cancer Awareness Month is any indication of how the next four shows are going to go, I think cancer has already won.   

Side Note(s) –

Let’s be honest with each other.  I’ve had the good luck of some really great shows for most of these Power Rankings so far.  Unfortunately, tonight, I’ve had to try to turn chicken shit in to chicken soup.  All I can say about this week's show is WTF?!?!  It totally threw me off.  I’m sure I’ll pull it together next week, just like I expect RAW to do as well. 

The WWE does not do grace and sedulity well.  That’s why I like that they have not referred to Darren Young coming out as gay.  I don’t care that he’s gay.  This is all just theater, so if the story line says he’s to fall in love with a girl, it will be no more-or-less meaningful than Mark Henry impregnating Mae Young and her giving birth (at 90+ years old) to a rubber hand.  Yes, you read that right.  A rubber hand and a 90+ year old giving birth.  So it’s no surprise to me that, to milk every drop of attention, the WWE plants breast cancer survivors front row.  Just as with the numerous times that a celebrity or military member seems to show up and have front row seats for one match, this one seemed wrong.  For one, I’d bet everything that I have that these brave and strong ladies are not wrestling fans nor have any idea of what’s going on.  I also don’t believe those were their seats and as soon as the shot was over, the rightful holders of those seats came back.  The WWE couldn’t have stuck these women in a “box” or brought them out on stage for the two-second acknowledgment of their triumphs and to receive their appreciatory applause?  I’m not against these women getting the spotlight.  I’m against the bothering of paying customers for the WWE’s self indulgence and patting themselves on the back when that too is fake.  The NFL has cancer survivors and pats themselves on the back too but it’s either at the beginning of a game on the field or they’re given seats throughout the game.  You don’t see these women on the sidelines calling plays and dodging players running out of bounds.  The WWE can never make a social or political statement without it becoming part of the theater of the absurd (which is what the WWE is and they’re great at it).  Just announce the partnership with komen.org, have the pink tie-ins and the one commercial, but leave it alone.

Until next week...

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 9-30-2013 - under construction...

WTF...

Words cannot describe what went on with RAW this week.  Unfortunately I've taken it upon myself to provide words to rank these WWE shows.

This edition of RAW was so unbelievable that I just don't have the strength to finish tonight.

I'm sorry for the delay but I'll finish this up on Tuesday.  My brain is still trying to compute what I have seen.

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 9-23-2013

Coming at you from Chicago, RAW starts off with a standing protest of mostly B, some B+/A- and a few C listers standing in protest of the WWE Management.  Who do these guys think they are, College Football Players?  The APU’s fight against the NCAA will have the same chances as this mockery of a labor dispute against the WWE brass.  I’ll reserve my thoughts on the NCAA and their “indentured servant / slave” labor force for another time.  Let’s get back on track and the fun of greased up man-on-man violence in the squared circle.  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 9/23/2013...

1. The Shield (7) – Is this the first crack between The Shield and HHH / WWE Management?  We started out believing it would be an 11-on-3 battle against The Shield but we know that nothing involving The Shield and HHH would be as it seems.  Almost every opponent of The Shield had been hurt or involved in a match earlier in the show.  They cut a good shoot taking on the whole world and put on one heck of a match considering they were 1) jumped by Cody and Goldust prior to the match; and 2) were the “three” in the 11-on-3 tag match.  Slowly, week by week, The Shield’s legend is growing.  Reign’s first pin in the WWE was an awesome series of moves by multiple participants.  Ambrose was pinned by Ziggler, which just adds to their match on SmackDown.  Rollins was the last of The Shield to be counted out.  What more could they do while loosing the main event?  They solidified their place with HHH, the crowd as heels, as wrestlers, as talkers and put on a great match.  Three gold stars. 
2. Cody Rhodes and Goldust (9) – If you haven’t been reading, then you wouldn’t know my affinity for Goldust, the potential of Cody and the awesome work of everyone in the Rhodes family recently.  Their somewhat shocking sneak attack of The Shield wasn’t the best wrestling nor did they have any mic work BUT the potential of having Goldust and Cody wrestling together, I’m getting giddy just thinking about it.  Never has a wrestler gone on a honeymoon and come back to being a main event-er, while bringing his brother and father back in the mix.  The incredible nature of events that the Rhodes family has gone through deserves extra attention.
3. CM Punk (4) – Punk being in his home town of Chicago is must see TV.  You can always expect a great crowd for him and he certainly doesn’t disappoint.  No one will forget the 2011 MITB PPV championship match between Punk and Cena, in Chicago.  The crowd was electric and the match lived up to the hype.  It was a larger version of the old ECW days where the crowd felt like they really connected to the wrestlers and in turn the wrestlers fed on the crowd to leave everything in the ring.  Shall I dare say, not since Bret Hart and Calgary / Canada has there been a wrestler more tied to a home town / region than Punk + Chicago?  I’m sure my buddy Fred will have the answer to this very controversial question.  Punk came, Punk saw, Punk killed his promo.  What more can I say... So let’s move on.  But before we do, let’s mention he’s probably the only wrestler that the WWE lets him speak knowing they might have to use the 7 second delay and they don’t care.  Can you say “Austin” heel?  And then...
4. Heyman (3) – Just as you thought the crowd couldn’t get any more worked up, Heyman comes strolling, sorry...rolling, in on a rascal scooter singing New York, New York.  While Heyman can’t dance with the devil in the ring, he performs a ballet with Punk on the mic and it’s beautiful.
5. HHH w/ Stephanie McMahon (1) – This week Stephanie came out with HHH so no honorable mentions, these two are ranked together this week.  This week wasn’t bad but they’ve put the bar so high, I have to drop them a notch or two when they don’t hit home runs.  Their drop is a sign of respect.  It seemed like they knew it was time to take baby steps back, if only for a night, to let the rest of the talent shine.  The rest of the roster stepped up literally and figuratively.  Knowing that the rest of the roster was going to be used, HHH and Stephanie appeared sparingly.  Funny note; when Stephanie was “dogging” out Miz for being their utility player and doing all the little things, that was actually one of the greatest compliments.  If you know anything about the wrestling biz, the people that get sent to do the morning shows and grocery store openings are the stars (for the most part) and usually means they have long term plans for you.  Again, add this to the blurring of the lines style of storytelling that HHH, Stephanie and the writing staff are doing with shoot vs real life.  Good work to all the creative staff.
6. Daniel Bryan (2) – It took 2 and a half hours for us to finally get DB out on the mic.  He’s obviously comfortable on the mic but I can’t tell if I like his every-man talk or if it’s just awkwardly effective?  Either way, it was enjoyable and just long enough before he was interrupted.  It’s amazing how crowds have fallen in love with him.  It also helps that when the whole crowd is in unison, screaming “Yes, Yes, Yes” and thrusting both fingers in the air, it becomes and awesome visual on screen.
7. Randy Orton (8) – For two weeks RKO has put on brutal expositions of what he can do to fellow wrestlers in the ring.  For all the stories (real and scripted) that RKO is involved in it’s easy to forget he’s a natural wrestler (that’s natural in skills, not PED / recreational drug-wise but who am I to judge).  He’s a legacy wrestler so it’s in his blood to be able to put on a good solid match.  His “psycho” character from a few years ago hurt him in-ring.  Now that he’s a corporate heel and his motivation is to be the “face of the WWE,” he’s back to putting on quality in-ring displays.  People would be doing themselves, and RKO, a huge discredit if they just thought he was Cena 2.0.  Even though they came into the WWE around the same time, RKO was always the better wrestler.
8. The Wyatt Family (11) – OK, I got shit for keeping the Wyatts on my list for only having a two-second promo.  To make matters worse, I kept them at #11.  I’ll admit when I’m into an individual or group, I can go overboard and do crazy things.  Thankfully The Wyatt Family was back live and had a match.  Bray sat this one out, in his rocking chair, which 1) if the rest of their gimmick wasn’t so good we’d really pick on the stupid rocking chair and the blowing out of the electric light; and 2) the whole “Family” is just huge so I’ll let you tell them that a part of their gimmick is stupid.  They put a whopping on the Primetime Players, which is not easily done (even in the world of predetermined matches).
9. RVD (12) – Um, yeah, hmmm.  When I think of the great labor union reps in American history, the names Hoffa, Miller, Fehr, Debs, Chavez, etc. but I don’t think RVD will go down in the annuls of labor history.  I appreciate that RVD got to be the voice of the protest and was sorta surprised that he was able to step out of the BlackberryKush-fog to actually make an intelligible comment, but what did I say a few weeks ago about having RVD speak?  DO NOT DO IT.  Less is more.  Whatever, no one listens to me anyway.  At least he was in a good match with RKO.
10. Santino (N/A) – Santino alert, Santino alert!  I’m slowing regaining my senses that he’s back because he’s not in the top 10 this week.  I’m not totally cured because he put on a poor match with Fandango and he’s taking up a top spot.  Look, when you guys do a list, you can put Santino anywhere you want.  I choose to put him at 10.  Get over it.
11. Dolph Ziggler (5) – Even with 11 other teammates, Ziggler shines.  Now maybe he should be dropped a little further but I’ve been so happy with the Ziggler / Ambrose feud that I might just be compelled to watch SmackDown to watch their US Title match.  Should be a good one.
12. Alberto Del Rio (N/A) – ADR’s exclusion from this list week was very wrong of me.  In my defense, it was a packed week with a lot of great work to which ADR didn’t wrestle or involve himself in any match or promo.  He is the champ and his two top contenders, Sandow and RVD, fought for what seemed to be the person who would be next to challenge ADR for his World Title.  ADR is another underrated in-ring wrestler, and given the right opponent he can put on a great match.  He was given such an opponent this week in Kofi Kingston. 
13. AJ Lee (10) – Marse, a member of my wrestling crew, has been on the AJ train for a while and as much as it will pain me to not be able to make fun of him and his irrational love for AJ, I’m going to have to keep my mouth shut at our next gathering.  As you know, I too have jumped on the AJ crazy train and for the first time in years I’ve been interested in a Divas match.
14. Kofi Kingston (N/A) – Back from injury and back on TV.  You forget the raw talent that Kofi brings to a match and how exciting his matches are.  He and ADR were given a full match (for RAW standards) and it was excellent.  If they can just get Kofi a good / natural gimmick (that’s me being kind and not saying, “drop the Jamaican crap”) there’s no doubt he could take off.  He could be the “face” version of Ziggler.  Yeah, I said it.  Think about it and tell me I’m wrong...I’ll wait....
15. Primetime Players (16) – The good news is that they’re back on RAW in a full tag match.  The bad news is that they’re up against the Wyatt Family.  This match proved my statement that tag teams are back.  They came out on the wrong end of the match but it was a good match.
16. The Usos (16) – In the 11-on-3 tag match, they performed excellently.  I’d be remiss to not mention how great they were in the main event match.  Add in that they were technically the first ones ever to pin Reigns.  They did what all good wrestlers do, they forced themselves onto this list and to be noticed, with what little air time they had.
17. Ryback and Curtis Axel (15/20) – Along with Heyman, they helped steal the show with CM Punk.  Sometimes you don’t need to do anything incredible to be effective.  You knew Punk would be willing to take a stiff bump in front of his home crowd.  Ryback delivered and continued his crusade against boollies (as he puts it).  Hopefully he doesn’t walk by any mirrors.
18. The Big Show (14) – Did I stutter when I said, “slow and steady?”  At least Big Show wasn’t crying through each of his appearances but he didn’t do much other than throw a punch and have a pouty face during MizTV.
19. Fandango (17) – Not the most impressive match against Santino.  I don’t even know what the purpose was for.  Just to see Summer Rae and to get both wrestlers some air time is all I can come up with.
20. The Miz (19) – Poor Miz takes a great beating last week and then is forced to do a MizTV this week.  MizTV with a blubbering and blathering Big Show.  Whatever Miz did to HHH to make him suffer is the Miz’s fault, I don’t see why we, the audience, have to suffer through a MizTV.  Punish Miz all you want but why do we need to sit through a MizTV?  Get him back in the wring and in a feud.  Please.  Oh, and by the way, Miz can never say he is embarrassed by anything he does “in front of his friends, family and mother” in the WWE when you’ve been on the Real World and The Challenge multiple times in your life.  Those are embarrassing moments, the WWE is just your job.

Honorable Mentions

This is no longer an Honorable Mention, I WANT TO SEE LOS MATADORES...NOW!!!  Luckily the 2nd promo stated that they’d be at RAW next week so let’s keep our fingers crossed that they can live up to the hype.

R-Truth – He really didn’t do much to fall out of the top 20 but he also didn’t do much to stay in the top 20.  If I had more space I would have slotted him in but this is the way the cookie crumbles.

Damien Sandow – This was a total time thing.  Sandow has been great when given the chance but there’s only so much air time.  He was not on TV and he doesn’t have a direction to go in yet with the MITB case.  Just wait, he’ll be back in the top 20 soon.

John Cena – I know, I know but what can I say.  He’s been gone for a while now and Total Divas isn’t on so for the first time in years, he hasn’t been forced on to my each week.  You know that old say, absence makes the heart grow stronger, well it’s true.  The other day while watching a commercial for the WWE that had Cena in it, I said to myself, “I wonder how is and what is Cena up to?”  There’s a chance that when Cena comes back, I might be excited...depending on how the WWE plays it.  If he’s pushed right back into a championship match without having to work a few months getting his feet wet, I’m not going to be too pleased.  If played correctly, I could be very into his return.  I’m 99% sure this wouldn’t happen but wouldn’t this be the best opportunity for Cena to get a heel run.  Just for a little while, then he could go back to being the face of faces of the WWE.  All the hipster-city-liberal fans (I’ll include myself in that description) would love at least one good heel run by Cena.  He’s never going to be able to do it once he’s back in the WWE full time.  He makes them too much money as the face of the WWE.  But he could pull it off for a few month right as he comes back to work and has a blank slate story-wise.  Just saying.  It’s a thought.  I promise not to bring him up until he comes back.  I’m sorry, I think my girlfriend is playing his rap album while I sleep to subconsciously get me to like him.  He’s her favorite wrestler.  We’re a house divided.

Side Note(s) – I only mention this because I’m in full Emmy wrap up / Fashion Police mode but can Stephanie McMahon get a full time personal stylist.  Ever since she’s been on TV, for all these years, she’s never had a good look.  She’s worth billions, watched by millions and could easily afford (or be given outfits by designers even as advertising) a solid and consistent look.  HHH and Mr. McMahon, in fact most of the wrestlers, throughout time have always dressed well when not in “uniform.”  Whether it’s been a part of their character like Ric Flair or The Million Dollar Man, or just their own out of the ring attire like Cena or The Rock, all these guys have great suits and look good.  Stephanie has always looked a mess but not for a lack of trying.  She had on great boots but then a frumpy dress with “business blazer”?  Let’s pull it together, Princess of the WWE, and don’t be afraid to look stylish each week.  It’s not as if you’re going to take bumps or be have an impromptu match.  Don’t make me call Joan Rivers on you.  (I’m sure I’ve just lost my three readers but damn it, I don’t care.  I stand up for my opinions!)

I’d wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t point out that Jerry “The King” should be careful about certain comments.  I’m not talking about any dumb “puppies” reference to boobs or jokes so old Henny Youngman would roll over in his grave.  No, it’s that he should NEVER talk about people, in this case Summer Rae, having a “smile surgically removed” when, other than his heart attack on live air, The King’s best known in the last 20 years for having a face lift that was so bad and appearing on TV the next day where you could still see the cuts from having his face stretched and put back on.  Glass houses Jerry, glass houses... 

Overall, this was a very good show.  HHH and crew did a good job taking a step back and letting the various story lines play out.  Also a very exciting main event. 

Until next week...

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 9-16-2013

“Hello, Cleveland!” (Will that line ever get old?  Will I ever be able to say that line out loud without using a British accent?  The answer to both questions is no.)  Coming at you from Cleveland, a night after the Night of Champions (NoC) PPV.  With the frequency of WWE Pay-Per-Views and the more life throws onto my plate, it is harder and harder to watch every PPV.  So while I didn’t watch NoC live last night, I got the rundown and have my secret sources to watch it online.  But let’s face it, PPVs are great and for the die-hard wresting fan it’s the last bastion to find actual wrestling matches (not just 10 minute quickies chopped up with commercials), but that’s all a PPV is, wrestling matches.  For purposes of this Power Ranking, a PPV can mostly be served by reading the results.  The irony of a good PPV is that it really shows who is a good “wrestler” and can tell a story within a match; and who are the wrestlers who need the writers to tell their stories and are just big guys throwing each other around a squared-circle.  Two examples are Heyman and Ziggler, who are both great, but you’ll see what I mean.  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 9/16/2013...

1. HHH (1) – Congratulations MLB, you’re now behind the WWE in use of instant replay for it’s officials... I’ve been around long enough to see the “fast count” be used before but, again, you have to hand it to this new era of writing staff, HHH and Stephanie to work the “fast count” and bring instant replay together.  Let’s also give it up to the WWE “both” because they were on point with the clips and footage.  There’s nothing more awkward than a wrestler or promoter saying, “let’s see the clip” and just standing there with 15,000 people live and millions watching a blank screen.  I almost want to...(see honorable mentions).  HHH using “fast counts” and “conspiracies” is lost on the young.  Any older fan will / should be laughing at this because HHH is trolling us.  For years HHH was the “back-room mastermind” on many dirt sheets and “locker-room manipulator” by people “in the know” (I know, I’m using too many “ ” this week, but if you could see me, I’m doing “bunny ears” as well.  Life imitates art and art imitates life.)  I know it’s easy to keep HHH in the #1 slot but each week he’s going out there and doing something new and different to push the main story and getting his hands dirty in the smaller story lines as well.  Even at the PPV, I liked how there was to be “no interference because I want to make sure you’re the right choice as face of WWE” as said to RKO.  It’s actually very mature storytelling.  It would be easy just to say, here’s the face of our company and the little guy is the underdog.  But then he adds the next level of, “hey I can only do so much, I need to KNOW that I’m making the right decision.  I’ll bend the rules for you but RKO, you now need to go out there and prove you can beat Daniel Bryan on your own.” (paraphrasing weeks and hours of story for you)  This is next level shit boys and girls.  Next level, I tells ya!  He’s worked it to having total and absolute control of the top strap in the WWE.  We’re now more invested in who HHH is going to put AS the Champ vs who IS the champ.  (Which then give credence to all the “mastermind / manipulator” stuff, but now he’s the actual owner so he’s supposed to do this stuff.  My mind is starting to overheat.  Back away so no one gets hurt it case of explosion.)
2. Daniel Bryan (2) – Crowned the new WWE Champion last night (To all those who may not know, there’s a big difference between the WWE and World champion. While “World” might sound bigger, nothing is bigger than “WWE”, at least in the eyes of Vince McMahon.  The WWE Championship is the belt you want to have.)  He’s stripped of the title and again thrown under the bus.  Two wins and he still hasn’t “kept” the belt.  This will only work for so long.  His final winning of the belt will be either awesome and well earned or be pushed to far.  HHH and staff are walking a fine line, but I’ll trust them.
3. Heyman (8) – Heyman can’t wrestle.  He doesn’t even try.  This isn’t a Vince or Shane McMahon gimmick, where he really does try to put on a good wrestling match.  Heyman is a talker.  That is his weapon and he knows it.  “Know thyself.”  If anyone embodies this it’s Heyman.  He ran ECW.  He knows how to tell a story and who he needs to be.  This is his flaw when it comes to PPVs which centers on in-ring capabilities.  He, and the writing crew knew enough because they let him “fight” with his words on the PPV.  Then, just as Punk is about to serve him his justice, right as Punk says, “I’m going to break your face!”; Ryback sneaks in and breaks Punk through a table.  Classic ECW, BTW.  To top it all off, to be carried out of the PPV like a dead tuna was just too great.  Like I said, he knows himself and isn’t afraid of making the joke and being the joke.  For a non-wrestler to pull all that off at a PPV and he’s been killing it on RAW, he’s getting a top spot. “We all know how many heathens are here in Cleveland.”
4. CM Punk (9) – Takes a great table shot at the PPV.  I’ll stop complaining about him not being a heel for now.  He’s now a money generator for the WWE and with Cena out, they need people to fill the face void (for good or bad, Cena put in a ton of work as the face of WWE and carried that load well).  The WWE is in the money making business, not the make Willie happy business.  Put on good matches, have a good feud and perform good promos, what more can I ask for.  
5. Dolph Ziggler (10) – Moving back up the charts because he’s just that good.  Win, loose or whatever.  He puts on great matches.  He makes others better.  Even though his “character” isn’t as strong as it was, he’s still outworking to overcome everything against him.  No gimmick, no story and a heel that the crowd cheers for.  All of that and I still don’t fast-forward through his matches.  As I mentioned at the beginning, he’s one of the wrestlers that is great on a PPV.  He can put on a match and whether you’ve seen the weeks leading up to the PPV or you’ve just turned on the match, he tells a story with his in ring ability.  You can turn on a Ziggler match and be totally entertained.
6. Dean Ambrose (7) – I’m breaking up the Shield this week, and only temporarily, because 1) he put on two great matches with Ziggler at NoC and RAW, 2) been killing it on his own, which was a surprise to many that he’s broken out as the best of The Shield (so far) and 3)...
7. The Shield sans Ambrose (7) – Rollins and Reigns of The Shield put on a great match of their own vs the Primetime Players.  From their collective entrances from the stands to their in ring work; The Shield has been killing their opportunities.  They very well could be the next DX or Horseman.  Tip of advice, keep it small and tight.  Don’t go down the NWO line where there’re more NWO members than “other” wrestlers.  Remember when it was the NWO vs The Rock and Austin.  Yeah, that was bad.  Is there a way to forget about NWO B&W / RED / Mexican, other than electroshock therapy?
8. Randy Orton (3) – Even though he’s doing great and I like where he’s headed, you cannot loose to Bryan Daniel and NOT fall a few spots.  It’s OK, win a few matches and you’ll get back to the top.  He certainly put to rest anything thoughts of RKO loosing his vicious streak.  He destroyed Miz. 
9. Cody Rhodes / Dusty Rhodes (4) – You’ll only get one good shoot from a legend per year, if that.  Enjoy them while they’re still around, and able to put together coherent (or as coherent as they’ve always been) promos.  Cody owes his family a big thank you for filling in for him while he’s on his honeymoon.  Even bigger props for the Rhodes family for being ABLE to fill in and do so well.  From Goldust to The Dream, you can’t ask for much better.  Goldust’s match was a little better than The Dream’s promo but you’ve got to give it to the old man for taking an albeit very fake bump from The Big Show.
10. AJ Lee (11) – Off the cuff, “there’s a lot of yelling or is that just a cat being banged against the wall.”  God, I hope that’s her coming up with those lines and not some writer in her ear 100%.  I’ll ride-or-die with AJ as long as she’s against anyone from that taint-lick of a show, Total Divas.  
11. The Wyatt Family (5) – I’m soooooo glad they made a brief appearance.  I didn’t want to take them off the list.  They’re so good and hot right now that I’ll keep them at #11 just for making a promo.
12. RVD (16) – Ricardo Rodriguez plays a good, if not odd, ring announcer for RVD.  The man always deserves a proper introduction.  Mr. Monday Night.  Mr. Pay-Per-View.  The Whole Fucking Show.  Rob. Van. Dam.  My buddy Fred threw out the idea of RR being a mole for Alberto Del Rio.  It would seem unlikely since he didn’t turn on RVD at the PPV and he held the chair for the Van-Terminator but we’re not exactly talking Breaking Bad level writing.  WWE writing might be at an all-time high but let’s not forget it’s still wrestling.  WWE easily gets higher ratings than Breaking Bad each week.  Let’s remember who the show is written for.  Considering that, I like the eventual turn by RR hanging over the RVD / ADR feud (possibly throw in Sandow, I won’t complain).
13. Damien Sandow (15) – I think we finally see a plot for Sandow.  He’s the holder of the World Championship MITB so it makes sense that he first starts to fight with RVD which will lead to a three-way for the championship, a straight feud with ADR or a classic MITB-end-of-match-run-in.  “You’re Welcome” 
14. The Big Show (14) – Slow and steady wins the race.  He’s got tremendous talent (acting-wise), he’s willing to do anything storyline or in-ring (Remember the failed powerbomb by Nash, which almost killed him?) and he’s just so BIG.  Unfortunately, I’ve never loved any of his plots and he’s not exactly nimble in the ring.  Keep working hard and totally embarrassing yourself and you’ll keep rising the ranks.
15. Ryback (N/A) – Yes, he’s very Goldberg-y.  But to call him a straight rip off would be unfair.  He’s more and can be so.  Although I wouldn’t want to owe my life to him, as Heyman claims to be indebted to.  Also, the part about hating bullies?  Wasn’t Ryback the one bullying people for the past month?  “Oh, sweet irony.”  
16. Tag Teams (N/A) – I’ve always been a fan of TRUE tag teams.  Teams like Demolition and The Legion of Doom were always favorites of mine.  For so long all wrestling has ignored the old school tag teams in favor of individual wrestlers.  I can understand if it’s better for business and possibly the individual to be a WWE Superstar but a true tag team and tag-team-moves can be very good and fun.  Usos, The Shield, Primetime Players, Wyatt Family, etc.  These are good times for tag teams.
17. Fandango (19) – OK, if we’re all being honest here, it doesn’t NOT help that he brings out Summer Rae with him.  Also, I’m coming around on the “joke” of Fandango BUT only as long as the WWE sees it as a joke.  Make his entrances bigger but cheaper looking at the same time.  
18. R-Truth (20) – See, I knew I was right to put R-Truth on my list last week.  He’s always been a good (but seemingly stiff, as in hard hitter) wrestler.  His plots and characters have never really done it for me.  Maybe a pairing with Miz and a feud with Fandango is what he needs to just wrestle and let the story take place around him.
19. The Miz (18) – Miz, Miz, Miz...You know all too well not to hug a family member before a show, that’s the kiss of death.  To have your parents ringside, you might as well just hit yourself in the head with a steel post and get counted out outside the ring.  Rookie move bro... (And the “deal” that got you happy was to face RKO?!  No, no, no...You want to face a jobber when in front of your home crowd, not the guy trying to prove he should be the champ and has a chip on his shoulder.)  I hope Miz’s mom knows this is all fake.  She didn’t look like she was taking his beat down well. 
20. Curtis Axel (17) – Great job wheeling out Heyman out.  It’s not fun when you loose to CM Punk, is it?

Honorable Mentions

WWE Production Crew - Hey, I’m a man of my word.  Good work does not go unnoticed and good job by yous guys.  Really, they put on a live show every Monday (not to mention all the taped hours during the week) and every three weeks have a PPV.  In the past, you could always count on a production error or gaff but these days the WWE Production is pretty flawless.  It might not be on the level of Sunday / Monday Night Football but I can’t think of a harder or more demanding production schedule.  I tip my cap.  Just to prove how easily something can go wrong but usually doesn’t, is the incorrect Damien Sandow music being played when RVD won the match.  This is an all encompassing show production and unlike other sports, the WWE controls everything you see.  At least with Football, the players and the teams are responsible for the on field action.  The fact that every second of a 3-hour show isn’t a total clusterfuck is quite the accomplishment.  

Stephanie McMahon – I alway figure that SM is a part of HHH when doing these rankings but some nights, as with tonight, she comes out on her own and kills it as well. Great job with The Dream.  I’ll take the Bed, Bath and Beyond gift certificate.  I’ve got a 10% off coupon to make that gift card go further.

Los Matadores – The one thing I can’t stand is how long the WWE builds up some wrestlers’ debuts.  We’ll be hearing about The Matadors for weeks and when they debut it will be almost impossible for them to live up to the hype.

Side Note(s) – Give it up to literacy.  I guess WWE is really serious about getting kids to read.  Using words like “abeyance” as the status of the WWE title should make every middle school English teacher happy.  Just like when my Spanish teacher was surprised that I could suddenly count to ten in perfect Spanish when I got into my Lucha Libre phase and chanted along with the crowd as someone was being pummeled in the corner.

Is it too much a leap to say that Ryback Rules include same sex marriages?  Leave it up to Heyman and Ryback to creep people out on gay rights.  The real looser is gay rights.  They were doing so well.  I’m sure GLAAD was like, “Guys, it’s OK, we don’t need you on this one.  There’s enough homo-erotism in wrestling, we don’t need any help.” 

At the end of the show, when all the wrestlers from the back came out to help Daniel Bryan, did anyone else get pumped for what should be a very good Royal Rumble in January?  There’s a lot of talent and good story lines going.  If this continues, Survivor Series might be watchable again for the first time in years and the Rumble will be awesome.

Until next week... 

WWE Power Rankings, RAW 9-09-2013

Coming at you from Toronto, this week Raw started off with a guest appearance from HoF Superstar Edge.  Truthfully, I’ve never been a huge fan of Edge on his own.  I’ll grant that he and Christian had some of the greatest TLC matches with the Hardys and Dudleys, and was involved in one of the most intriguing and destructive behind the scenes feuds (Matt H / Edge / Lita) of all time, but personally he’s never been an individual Superstar that I liked.  But, as with all things in the wrestling world, time passes and absence makes the heart grows fonder.  You can already guess that he’ll be in the Honorable Mention section later on.  Don’t forget that Night of Champions is this coming Sunday, which is always makes for a toss up to whether a lot or a little will happen on the RAW before a PPV.  This show was the opposite of last week.  It was packed with action and story lines.  So with that, let’s get to the rankings as of this week’s RAW on 9/09/2013...

1. HHH (1, last week) – It’s going to take a lot, these days, to knock HHH off the top spot.  He’s killing the “Vince” roll.  The WWE is in good hands with HHH and Stephanie running things.  He and the writers have taken a sledgehammer to the Fourth Wall.  I’m eating it up and am all in.  
2. Daniel Bryan (2) – He’s riding high.  First, he’s the only person that comes off Total Divas, a cunt-punt of a show, in a good light.  The crowd can’t get enough of him.  If he just comes out and doesn’t screw up, he owns the arena.  Not to mention he got a nice shot on RKO to finish the show, he’ll stay at the top. 
3. Randy Orton (5) – Standing next to HHH, he really does “look” the part of the WWE champion.  They’re playing this perfectly and Orton hasn’t been this good in years.  All he has to be is a dick and he’s getting an “A” so far.  Plus another “A” for the RAW match with Goldust, he’s staying at the top too.
4. Cody and Dustin “Goldust” Rhodes (10) – Can we all acknowledge that Goldie looks great after not being on RAW for years.  At times, he’s looked like a stuffed sausage but tonight he came out on fire and in shape.  Even if this was just to give Cody time off for a honeymoon (if I’m going to go with the on-air story), I’m glad to see Goldust kicking ass again.  Obviously RKO and Daniel Bryan have their feud going but Cody Rhodes (and fingers crossed, Goldust) is up to something.  I guess we’ll have to wait another week to find out.
5. The Wyatt Family (8) – There’s so much going on with this clan, I really don’t know what I’m more excited about.  What did they do with Kane?  Who and / or what is going to be “Sister Abigail”?  I don’t even know who they’re supposed to be feuding with but I want more. 
6. Santino Marella (N/A) – OK, I know we’re new to this so you don’t know that I’m a HUGE Santino mark.  It took everything for me not to put his return to TV strait to #1, if only for the week.  I won’t make a total mockery of the list and I’ll leave him out of the top five, but you have to give me that.  At least for his return.  The man does whatever he’s told, literally whatever he’s told.  He does what he’s told and he cashes his checks.  He is the man.  Long live Italy, long live wrestling and long live Santino!  I might just power walk to work tomorrow.
7. The Shield (3) – As long as they’re going to be fighting and putting in work, the list would be incomplete without them.  They’re the three horsemen of the McMahon / HHH apocalypse.  Again, Ambrose has been solid in the ring and “sources said” he was good on the mic but has proven to be good in ring as well. 
8. Paul Heyman (7) – His first appearance, even without a mic, he’s moving the story forward toward the Night of Champions.  And for god’s sake, who DID put the water in the hallway!?!?!?  Clearly a result of the substandard Canadian OSHA work environment and regulations. Well, damn it, we may never know.  Back for a second time in the ring, with Dr. Kerschenbaum (damn you Canadian healthcare system for making Mr. Heyman bring his own doctor / local “jobber” to Canada, wait what, I would never insinuate something like the fine well built Dr. K of being a jobber).  Does anyone sell the oldest gimmicks in the world better than Heyman?  With what I can only assume is the power of the holy spirit he was able to bolt out of the ring area once CM Punk came down.  He’s awesome.
9. CM Punk (9) – I still don’t prefer him as a face but he did what he needed to do before the NoC this weekend.  Like Curtis Axel, let’s get this done with so we can move forward and see what’s next.  Punk might be tied to Axel (match-wise) but he is the Superstar so he stays in the top of this list.
10. Dolph Ziggler (4) – This is Ziggler’s curse.  He so good at putting other people over that he keeps loosing which has led to the fact that he hasn’t gotten a solid push / run.  NOW they throw him in against the Wyatts?  Put him in a good feud ASAP and put a belt on him.  C’mon WWE!  I don’t like to having to drop Ziggler for not having anything to do.  It’s getting hard to keep him in the top 10.
11. AJ Lee (11) – OK, I was going to knock her down or keep her off the list, but the second I heard, “I think I’m a little too old for you Jerry, I’m 26. I know you like ‘um younger.” She had me again.  She’s killing the mic like any other top male wrestler.  Am I really going to have to reevaluate how I look at female wrestlers? Not since ECW’s Francine, have I cared about what a chick wrestler is up to.  I’ll have to sit alone and think about this one for a while.
12. Alberto Del Rio (17) – Solid match.  He’s the World Champ and we’ll see how he hold up against RVD this weekend.  Honestly, this should be a good match.  The two of them have the skill-set to put on an entertaining match.  Fingers crossed.
13. Zeb Colter / Antonio Cesaro (N/A) – AC seems to be a fine wrestler.  Zeb knows how to walk the line and push some very specific buttons.  Unfortunately they’ve been thrown together in this weird tag team plot (along with Jack Swagger).  I’m down for a good Canadian crowd shoot.  Zeb did well on the mic and AC did his job in the ring against Santino.
14. The Big Show (15) – ‘Show should be applauded for putting that old TV out of its misery.  To turn the ‘Show into a blubbering 500 pound crying machine is quite a feat, either by the WWE or The Big Show himself.  I’ve almost had enough of this bit and hopefully the torture of the big man will end soon or phase into something bigger after NoC.
15. Damien Sandow (16) – You should all recognize greatness.  It’s not my fault you people are too dumb to see that Sandow has no feud or gimmick going on except for having the MITB leather case.  Good for him to be able to get time on a packed show.
16. RVD (6) – There’s one rule with RVD, don’t let him do shoots alone.  Unless it’s a tongue-in-cheek promo, keep him off the mic.  Yet another match that showed why he’d headline ECW shows.  It doesn’t matter who or why he was fighting someone, his matches were entertaining.  
17. Curtis Axel (N/A) – He’s got talent but he’s still got training wheels on.  Is it me or does anyone else get the sense that Heyman might turn on him big time?  I’m sure I’m not predicting anything groundbreaking but with Heyman guiding him, his chances of “doing something” are much better.  I must also remember to pump the breaks and know that it takes years for guys to really get a foothold in the biz.  He’s made a big splash and already had good recognition.  Let’s see what happens at Night of Champions and next week’s RAW to know which direction the WWE is going to go with him.
18. The Miz (13) – He’s back on the show and making an impact.  He’s better off than where here was a few months ago.  He’s in the mid-card range where you go up and down with the week.  His drop isn’t about what he did or didn’t do, it’s just about actual space on the show, see Fandango next...
19. Fandango (14) – Not much to report.  This was a week of shows where the big matches and story lines take precedence.  His story line with The Miz is fine.  In ring, they should put on a good match.  There’s only so much air time RAW has.  Sometimes it seems like they can’t possibly fill three hours and others, it seems like they have to cram too much in.  Tonight, Miz and Fandango are a result of the latter.  
20. R-Truth (N/A) – Who, deep down, doesn’t like to see RT out there?  If you don’t, then you’re just someone who doesn’t like to have fun.  Even if it was a glorified “job-ing”.

Honorable Mentions

Edge – I can’t put guest hosts or non-wrestling spots in the rankings (this isn’t ‘Nam, there’re rules Smokey).  Good shoot working in Cowboy Bob Orton’s broken arm for what seemed to be 10 years.  Seeing Edge brought back great memories and he also did a great job of kicking off the show in his hometown (or was his hometown until HHH annexed it and kicked him out).

Christian – He’s back on the list if only to be thrown out like a dead fish.

All Other Tag Teams, that aren’t The Shield - Funk / Sweet-T, USOS, Primetime Players, All Americans and 3MB shouldn’t be on this list but since one of these teams is going to go against The Shield, I’m giving them some face time.  Like I said, this show was packed.  This really just goest to show how strong The Shield is.  Which ever crappy opponent they fight is getting a mention.  Maybe I’m just delirious or generous from a long weekend of football?  

Canada – Always a great crowd when you go north of the boarder.  They take their wrestling seriously and know their shit.  I don’t know why they were chanting the announcer’s names but I’m sure there was some joke to it.

Jerry “The King” Lawler – He didn’t die! The King’s return to Canada went smoothly and safely.  I only bring this up because he almost DIED ON AIR due to a heart attack the last time RAW was in Canada. 

Ricardo Rodriguez / Ryback – Both were solid and integral push the RVD / ADR match this weekend.  I should have put one of the two on the list but it’s hard to put Valets / ring announcers and Ryback over the fun of R-Truth.  I’m open to having my mind changed, just make the point.  I can get behind “Ryback rules” like “O’Doyle Rules”.

Kofi Kingston – Although he really didn’t do anything, he made it on the card.  Like The Miz and Fandango, this was a packed show so it was nice to see him get air time.  Unlike Miz / Fandango, he’s not in any storyline so he gets HM.

Side Note(s) – It was a rumor that hit the Twitter during Sunday football, that Goldust was going to fight RKO.  I’ve been asking and praying to the wrestling gods to have a Cody Rhodes / Goldust feud but my prayers have been ignored.  We got a glimpse of this at the last Royal Rumble but nothing further because Cody was in the middle of his run with Sandow.  Now that Goldust (Dustin Rhodes) has dawned the gold paint and bodysuit, I can only pray again that we get to see SOME / ANY storyline with Cody and Goldust to continue.  It’s the one match you could put in the top tier of a PPV and I wouldn’t need any lead up or hype to be 100% in.

One last thing about Goldust; I feel 10 - 20 years ago, Goldust was way ahead of his time.  The character totally pushed the limits of sexuality / homosexuality in the WWE world.  At the time, I’m sure Vince used Goldust as a heel or scary character.  It’s no secret that this is a very macho “sport” (even though it’s sweaty greased up hulks wrestling almost nude) but it was always an easy insult to claim or infer a character to be gay which meant them to be weak.  Goldust was never weak, in fact Dustin Rhodes was / is a great wrestler and was always a tough opponent no matter the gimmick.  With the change in times, Goldust is a perfect and transcendent character in 2013.  He would no longer be a mock of the LBGT but could be a hero of the movement and would be 1000 times more acceptable as a top Superstar.

Wyatt and Ziggler had a great match.  The two of them are both solid in the ring.  Even on a bad night, they’d probably steal the show if given the chance.  It’s too bad we don’t get to see a full match between the two of them.  

In all seriousness, Antonio Cesaro and Santino should feud for the intercontinental strap.  If they went at it for “real”, I have no doubt they’d put on a great match. 

It should be no surprise Orton and Goldust put on a good match.  With both men being legacies, I can only imagine they’ve known each other for years and these two have probably been wrestling each other since they were kids.

Can’t say it enough, this was a packed show.  It goes to show how strong and well stocked the WWE is right now.  Thanks for reading, please share with a friend.  

Until next week...

WWE Power Rankings, as of 9-02-2013 RAW

Here we are again, friends.  The second installment of the WWE power rankings, as of RAW as of 9/02/2013.  It’s far too hot and humid today for me to leave my air-conditioned cave, even at night, so in lieu of me running around getting sweaty, I’ll watch other grown men run around and get sweaty on my behalf.  I’m hoping to loose a few pounds through the osmosis of my television screen.  Without further ado...

1. HHH (1, last week) – Right off the bat I wasn’t happy with HHH’s opening.  I know this is a technical thing but as a viewer, I like to see and here the entrance.  Give me two seconds of nothing and then hit the music of the opening performer.  It gives it a little pazazz.  This led to HHH doing an intro to RKO?  OK, fine, it was only 2 minutes into a three hour show, but like I said, it’s been hot as hell and my patience is thin.  Luckily it wasn’t long before he had the Plains-folk of Iowa eating out of the palm of his hand.  HHH has hit a new stride as the corporate figure head of the WWE.  It’s not like he was ever terrible on the mic but I don’t remember him being this good and this comfortable.  Maybe when he doesn’t have a pending match where he’s getting his brain bashed by a chair or tossed around the ring, he’s more focused on the story that needs to be told and he’s becoming a true ring / show MC.
2. Daniel Bryan (3) – Another great promo.  The key to any RAW is a great opening and a good finish.  He’s being pushed as THE face.  He got Big Show to cry over him.  He added to his hero’s journey.  He got the crap beat out of him.  He’s the underdog to RKO’s Corporate / Champ / heel.     
3. The Shield (5) – I almost had to break them up with Ambrose running in to be Ziggler’s opponent but luckily (or maybe un-luckily) Ryback interrupted the match which caused the rest of The Shield to mount-up.  Add to the fact they again played as enforcers to HHH and RKO, they’re holding a top spot.
4. Dolph Ziggler (4) – Was he in a match?  Yup.  Did I have to wast time listening to a stupid shoot?  Nope.  Did Ziggler kill it?  Yep.  So does he change in ranking?  Not for a second.  It doesn’t matter who he ended up wrestling, he did his job.  He could have even gone higher by proving he can put anyone over, i.e. Ryback.
5. Randy Orton (2) – Still the champ and rocking the belt nicely.  So how / why did I drop RKO down to five?  I have to drop his ranking for one reason and one reason only.  Showing a clip from Smackdown where RKO spray-paints a knocked out Daniel Bryan with the letters NO.  This is only one letter away from a complete ripoff of the old NWO days.  They might have had the same type of scene as the old NWO days, where there’d be 4 to 10 guys in the ring surrounding their fallen opponent and spray-painting him with NWO, but RKO and The Shield work for the establishment.  I’m glad I’m not recapping Smackdown otherwise I’d have to expand.  I’ll end this by saying, it’s not the 90’s and the WWE is on such a high streak that I expect a little better.  RKO cut a solid promo but just for this week, I’m taking away points of unnecessary unoriginality.  I hope you learned your lesson WWE, now don’t do it again.  I don’t like doling such harsh punishments.  But like a dog peeing on you couch, you have to break them of the habit fast and hard.
6. Rob Van Dam (9) – Give RVD an announcer like he used to have with Bill Alfonso in ECW and I’m a happy man.  I love me some RVD, but let’s just say he’s not The Whole F’n Show because of his mic skills.  He’s the #1 contender for the World Championship belt.  I want him to win but I have a feeling this is a way to put over Alberto Del Rio as a bigger heel.  That’s why I’m giving RVD a push up now.  He’s not a “chaser”; he’s better with a title and having people chase him for the championship.  I expect that I’ll have to drop him in the rankings soon so I’ll give him a push up while I can.
7. Paul Heyman (7) – Doing Paul Heymen-y things.  He can sell anything, especially anything that’s “best for business.” 
8. The Wyatt Family (8) – We finally got a few answers to what happened to Kane after the Wyatt Family took him out in Summer Slam.  The promo was great.  I can’t wait to see what ends up happening with Kane in the coming weeks.  Without having to even appear live, this might be the most intriguing storyline yet to unfold.
9. CM Punk (6) – This is all because of my bias for heels.  Punk had a great promo and did a nice “dirty” face shoot.  The crowd ate it up.  Maybe this will be the norm for now.  Maybe he is turning into the Stone Cold of 2013 but I want the rebel.  I want the bad guy.  Give me a few weeks and I’ll either get over it OR, god willing, Punk will be back to the dark side.
10. Cody Rhodes (HM) – As I mentioned last week, I probably overlooked Rhodes.  He’s a solid performer and he, HHH and RKO had a great mini shoot backstage (again, WWE is blurring the lines harder than #ROBINTHICK).  A few years ago I would have bet everything I had on RKO and Rhodes being in the main event on every PPV but circumstances change, gimmicks don’t take off, people don’t pass drug tests, etc.  Luckily both seem to be back on track to take the main stage.  Maybe it all worked out for the best because their missed opportunities allowed guys like CM Punk to take off and now the WWE is stocked with quality at the top of the card.  Rhodes deserves to be on this list each week, let’s hope he can stay here.  AND I won’t stop saying it until it happens, I’m down for the Rhodes / Goldust match anytime anywhere.  It’s the one match that needs no set up and could main event or at least be a top PPV match.  Dustin ain’t getting any younger.  (*Clearly, this didn’t end well for Rhodes.  See the notes section for more.)
11. AJ Lee (11) – You know when you’ve done well when they replay your promo and you cause an uproar just by showing up.  If I had told you this was all caused by a male wrestler, you’d think The Rock had made a comeback.  As I said last week, it’s now up to AJ and the other Divas to run with this momentum.  Let’s keep watching to see what they do.
12. Prime Time Players (15) – Yes, I know they beat 3MB but crushing a handicap match is worth points.  I’ll agree with JBL and say that Titus O’Neil is a monster and could be awesome.  For now, he and Young make a formidable tag challenge.  Let’s see if they’re the ones who will be next for The Shield’s tag straps or is their destiny lie in the way of the Wyatt Family (just throwing that out there, it could be and interesting shoot)?
13. The Miz (16) – Getting a match against Fandango and subsequent feud leads me to believe that he’s back and getting his shot at becoming more of a player.  No matter what you may think of Fandango, he can wrestle and the two should be able to put on a good feud.  
14. Fandango (14) – If you’re going to be in a feud, than you’re going to ride-or-die with your opponent.  I’m throwing Fandango with MIZ because they put on a good match together.  All the more props to Fandango if he really did get a broken nose during the commercial break.  They might have bungled the finish a little but I’ll rate on a curve if Fandango really did break his nose.
15. The Big Show (N/A) – ‘Show is on the same level as Kane and Mark Henry.  He’s always there and always big.  WWE has grown more to use Big Show as a prop and depending on the situation, Big Show is either a good prop or a wasted prop.  Tonight he was used nicely.  Also, for HHH to throw in the “ironclad” contract is a classic WWE wink to the “smart” fans.  Stephanie for bringing up him being “broke” (And who wouldn’t want life coaching performed in front of 20,000 people?).  Then again, who cares if they’re broke when “giants don’t live as long as regular people” (backstage Vince is glowing with pride).  Basically, Stephanie just told the world, you’re going to die soon (which again, coming from a McMahon is scary because it could mean so many things, one being the truth).  I picture Big Show on a Breaking Bad binge watching session and thinking, his new gimmick be that he should pull a Heisenberg and turn completely evil to provide for his family before he dies.
16. Damien Sandow (NA) – Put on a solid match with RVD.  Doesn’t look like he’s going to be fighting with Rhodes.  Other than having a nifty leather MITB briefcase, I don’t know what they’re going to do with him.  Having said that, tonight he had a good night.
17. Alberto Del Rio (10) – He didn’t really do anything.  He came out and did the “distraction” thing to RVD but RVD still one the match.  Setting up for a big match at Night of Champions.  It’s another one of these, “We’ll have to see what happens.”  Not much to complain about or give credit to.
18. Ryback (N/A) – He should give half his paycheck to Ziggler for making him look great and getting on this list.
19. Booker T (N/A) – Can a retired HOF’er come out and do a shoot promo and make it on this list?  Yup, they can.  Especially when you’re half of Harlem Heat and 5-time 5-time 5-time 5-time 5-time world champion.  And you know this, SUUUUUCCCKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
20. Los Matadores (N/A) – Look, WWE has always been great at setting up even the dumbest of gimmicks.  Part of the reason the Gobbledy Gooker was so bad is that they took the time and effort and really sold that something cool / awesome was going to happen.  Then it turned out to be just an egg with a man dressed as a turkey inside it.  (Yes, for all you non wrestling fans, there was a man...dressed like a turkey...inside an egg...that was a headliner for a PPV once upon a time.)  As much of a train-wreck Los Matadores looks to be, I’m still excited for their arrival. 

Honorable Mention

NONE

Side Note(s) – Great match between RKO and Rhodes.  I don’t know if there’s any back story to this “final match” by Rhodes but I can’t imagine his career is over.  Maybe he just needs time off.  In my youth, I’d be running to internet to find out the real story but I’ll let this one play out. 

This was a typical status quo show.  Other than the Rhodes angle, there really wasn’t anything new to add.  Story lines got pushed a little further along towards the next PPV.  It was a solid show.

Until next week...